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(Salon)   Today's reason for the Sandy Hook shootings is *shakes Magic 8-ball* Jon Stewart   (salon.com) divider line 46
    More: Asinine, Magic 8-Ball, Sandy Hook, cultural war, The New York Times Best Seller list, god, magic  
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7108 clicks; posted to Politics » on 20 Dec 2012 at 10:03 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-20 09:35:37 PM  
15 votes:
Things that cause gun violence and therefore should be politicized:
Not enough God in schools.
Not enough guns in schools.
Not enough manly men in schools.
Too many womenfolk in schools.
Not enough children with guns.
Not enough children trained to carry out human wave attacks.
Satan.
Autism.
Asperger's Syndrome.
Mental illness.
Video games.
Quentin Tarantino.
Jon Stewart.
Abortion pills.
Gay marriage.
Atheists.
LIBOR.
The theory of evolution.
The 1968 Democratic Convention
 
Things that don't cause violence and thus cannot be discussed at the moment:
Unfettered access to guns by crazy people
2012-12-20 09:16:31 PM  
6 votes:
Stewart is part of "the cultural war against Jesus and Christmas" that helps "drive [God] out of our society, our of our schools and courts." 
 
If you are a Believer, God is omnipotent onmipresent and cannot be driven out of anywhere he wants to be, so the argument is either bogus or God choses to not be there.
 
If you are not a Believer, then the argument does not matter.
 
This guy is an embarrassment to Christianity.
 
i.imgur.com
2012-12-21 12:40:30 AM  
5 votes:

Warlordtrooper: Guns do not cause people to be mentally scarred for life.


This came from another thread, it's not mine, but I think it appropriate here...

There's a Dad that just spent two hours staring at a bicycle he won't be putting together that might disagree with you.
2012-12-21 03:03:32 AM  
4 votes:
Let's just go with the claims that sin and godlessness are responsible for all of the evils in the world for discussion's sake.

James 2:10 of the King James version of the bible states "For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point of it has become accountable for all of it." This is commonly interpreted with other verses into the common phrase "all sins are created equal int he eyes of the Lord".

So let's just say, for sake of argument, that homosexuality is a sin (and let's just be clear that I do not believe it to be).

The rate of homosexuals in the Unites States is between 2 and 4% of the total population.

The rate of obesity in the United States is 35.7% of the total population.

Gluttony is according to Christian doctrine, not only clearly a sin, but one of the seven deadly sins.

If those morons are right, and all of these horrible things are happening because of sin, I've got news for them. It's a hell of a lot more likely to be the fault of the obese than the homosexuals. But let's say all the overweight people in the US don't have a single pound on them caused by overeating, they have zero complicity in their condition. Let's look at a few other sins.

Why don't we start with those who commit adultery, perhaps? Those rates are between 25 and 30% of the total population (depending on which study you go with) and actually higher in the evangelical population, just as are divorce rates.

How about lust? Sex surrounds us in our culture. Lust sells. It is a primary method of marketing. What percentage of adults do you think feel sexual attraction to someone other than their partner? That rate is virtually 100% of the population, including evangelicals. There is not a straight man on this earth who doesn't like to look at nice breasts or a pretty woman, or thought, in the common vernacular "dat ass!" from time to time.

Or lying. It has been studied extensively, and the old adage "everybody lies" holds true. And lying is actually named as one of the six things G-d "hates" in Proverbs 6:16-19. To quote: "There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers."

I don't know about you, but I don't see homosexuality anywhere on that list of things G-d hates. But I do see a condemnation of those who kill, lie, think more highly of themselves than others, manipulate, those who are eager to do harm to others, and those who, for lack of a better terminology, stir the pot. Sounds a hell of a lot more like Huckabee, Dobson, Robinson, and those Westboro Baptist Church assholes than homosexuals.

Bad things don't happen because we have angered a deity. Bad things happen because, as much as we would like to be able to, we cannot control all factors in life. There is no control. There is nothing but the illusion of control overlying a deep-seated chaos. Religion as espoused by these disrespectful, arrogant, judgmental and hateful bigots is in itself a force of evil. And to anybody who nods their heads in assent to what these weak, truly nasty people espouse, I truly hope their bible is correct, because it would soothe my soul to see them judged by their G-d when their curtain call comes.
2012-12-20 10:35:49 PM  
4 votes:
A crazy person got a hold of a military weapon. That's why this happened. Any other excuses are meant to distract us from that simple truth.
2012-12-20 06:57:40 PM  
4 votes:
Same guy also blamed Sandy on abortion rights in the US. This pic seems only appropriate:
 
politicalmadness.org 
 
and
 
wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com
2012-12-20 11:03:06 PM  
3 votes:
"But what are we reaping as a result of a society that increasingly ignores God and hates or dismisses Jesus Christ?" Rosenberg writes. "We are witnessing a horrifying explosion of murder. We are witnessing a gruesome crime wave unprecedented in American history. And there appears to be no end in sight."

So basically God is that kid from "The Twilight Zone". If we're not constantly paying attention to Him, and praising Him, he'll mess us up. Sounds like a kind and loving God.

upload.wikimedia.org
2012-12-20 09:11:07 PM  
3 votes:
You know that guy that so efficiently points out how we're lying skum? Yeah, the shootings are his fault!
 
Lying Republican Scum.
2012-12-20 08:21:53 PM  
3 votes:
I...I am just out of adjectives that can sufficiently describe the magnitude of how douchy these fkn FOXtards have gotten
 
Guns have nothing to do with it.  It's a half-hour late-night show that comes on four days a week.
 
f*ck you, asshole.
2012-12-21 11:11:31 AM  
2 votes:

BraveNewCheneyWorld: Coco LaFemme: I don't think people should be able to own guns like that anyway, because I can't see what legitimate purpose they serve, even for hunting.  Do you need to hit a deer with that many rounds?  It's a deer, not a coked-up grizzly bear.

The second amendment is not for hunting deer, it is for the ability to defend oneself against oppression.


i48.photobucket.com
2012-12-21 09:19:21 AM  
2 votes:
Let's put the blame where it belongs, folks:

On the idiot who brought a couple of guns and hundreds of rounds of ammo to a school, and used them to shoot children, teachers, and anyone else he thought was a target.

You can discuss what may have led him to do this ad nauseum, but let's face it - we almost skip over the shooters themselves in our rush to validate our societal biases. At the end of the day, it's the asshole who pulled the trigger over and over again that did the damage.
2012-12-21 04:00:06 AM  
2 votes:
Here's what I've got after some searching.  List is a little modified:


Things that cause gun violence and therefore should be politicized:
Not enough God in schools.
Not enough guns in schools.
Teacher's Unions.
Not enough manly men in schools.
Too many womenfolk in schools.
Too many children in schools.
Mental illness.
Autism / Asperger's Syndrome
Self-Esteem Movement
Goths
Video games.
Fisher Price Toys?!
Hollywood
The media!
LIBOR Scandal
Hunger Games
Jon Stewart.
The OBAMA Regime Brainwashed him!
Abortion pills.
Gay marriage.
Atheists.
The Theory of Evolution
The 1968 Democratic Convention

Things that don't cause violence and thus cannot be discussed at the moment:
Unfettered access to guns by crazy people


Not enough God in Schools

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/huckabee-schools-place -of- carnage-because-we-systematically

Not enough guns in schools

http://www.absolutesurvivalist.com/1/post/2012/12/im-a-dead-sandy- hook -teacher.html

Teacher's Unions

http://www.teapartynation.com/profiles/blog/show?id=3355873:Blo gPost:2 364503&xgs=1&xg_source=msg_share_post

Not enough manly men in schools AND Too many womenfolk in schools

http://www.nationalreview.com/articles/335996/newtown-answers-n ro-symp osium#

Too many children in schools

http://www.americanthinker.com/2012/12/the_strategic_concentration _of_ modern_children.html

Mental Illness AND Self-Esteem Movement

http://townhall.com/columnists/nealboortz/2012/12/18/newtown-conne ctic ut-there-is-no-why-n1469185/page/full/

Autism / Asperger's Syndrome

http://www.mediaite.com/print/fox-news-and-the-new-york-times-abet -med ia-effort-to-falsely-link-autism-with-ct-shooting/

Goths

http://www.thenation.com/article/171866/roots-rampage#

Video Games

http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2012/12/18/ct-killings-reignite-debate -abo ut-violence-in-video-games/

Fisher Price Toys?! (Only Glen Beck could think this up)

http://twitter.com/glennbeck/status/280876630023475200/photo/1

Hollywood

http://blogs.wsj.com/peggynoonan/2012/12/17/newtown/

The media!

http://online.wsj.com/article/best_of_the_web_today.html

LIBOR Scandal AND Hunger Games

http://tpmdc.talkingpointsmemo.com/2012/12/newtown-libor-hunger-ga mes- theories.php

Jon Stewart

http://www.salon.com/2012/12/19/right_wing_author_jon_stewart_part _of_ the_culture_that_led_to_shootings/

The OBAMA Regime Brainwashed him!

http://www.orlytaitzesq.com/?p=367385

Abortion Pills

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity/ex-snl-star-victori a-ja ckson-links-massacre-to-abortion/story-e6frfmqi-1226538010105

Gay Marriage

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/dobson-connecticut-shooting- was- god-allowing-judgment-fall-upon-us-turning-our-back-him

Atheists

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/19/newt-gingrich-sandy-hook- _n_2 330506.html

The Theory of Evolution

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/12/17/tennessee-pastor-mass-shooti ngs- because-schools-teach-evolution-and-how-to-be-a-homo/

The 1968 Democratic Convention

http://littlegreenfootballs.com/article/41365_Right_Wing_Pro-Gun_E xcus e_of_the_Day-_Blame_the_1968_Democratic_Convention
2012-12-21 02:56:00 AM  
2 votes:

zerkalo: We get it, he's Jewish

sorry if this has already been covered


If you look at his bio, his father was Jewish. His mother was not. Under Jewish law and custom, you must be born from a Jewish mother to be considered Jewish.
2012-12-20 11:13:31 PM  
2 votes:

wambu: Stewart is part of "the cultural war against Jesus and Christmas" that helps "drive [God] out of our society, our of our schools and courts."

If you are a Believer, God is omnipotent onmipresent and cannot be driven out of anywhere he wants to be, so the argument is either bogus or God choses to not be there.

If you are not a Believer, then the argument does not matter.

This guy is an embarrassment to Christianity.

[i.imgur.com image 400x400]


You know, if the god you're worshiping:

1) Wants you to consider a seasonal greeting an act of war
2) Uses rapist to create life
3) Is so petty that simply praying silently in schools rather than having the administration lead the entire school in prayer means that he is good with a crazy gunning down small children

Maybe, just maybe, you're not worshiping a god at all. Maybe you're worshiping the adversary of God.
2012-12-20 10:55:48 PM  
2 votes:
2012-12-20 10:31:41 PM  
2 votes:
This is Stewart's fault as well as Colbert's, because every time they go on break some unbelievable shiat happens.
2012-12-20 10:09:03 PM  
2 votes:
I love how the Westboro Baptist Church message has gone mainstream in a less direct way. These people might as well start lining up at the funerals for the shooting with signs that read "God hates secularism."
2012-12-20 10:07:02 PM  
2 votes:
"We are witnessing a horrifying explosion of murder."

And yet the murder rate has been steadily dropping for decades.
2012-12-20 10:05:03 PM  
2 votes:
I guess Jews were going to be inevitably blamed for the massacre.
2012-12-20 09:41:08 PM  
2 votes:

BSABSVR: Things that don't cause violence and thus cannot be discussed at the moment:
Unfettered access to guns by crazy people


You forgot "People who believe the bullshiat on your other list."
2012-12-20 08:49:27 PM  
2 votes:

GAT_00: They are very lucky TDS is on Christmas break or Stewart would biatchslap these people.


Once the show is back from break, I'd wager this is one of the first things that they discuss, after the shooting itself.
2012-12-20 08:36:22 PM  
2 votes:
They are very lucky TDS is on Christmas break or Stewart would biatchslap these people.
2012-12-20 08:29:02 PM  
2 votes:
i45.tinypic.com
 
What's that Sweetness... you want me to shoot who?
2012-12-21 10:53:48 AM  
1 votes:

Coco LaFemme: I don't think people should be able to own guns like that anyway, because I can't see what legitimate purpose they serve, even for hunting.  Do you need to hit a deer with that many rounds?  It's a deer, not a coked-up grizzly bear.


The second amendment is not for hunting deer, it is for the ability to defend oneself against oppression. Here's a list of the reasons why the people who created this country decided to shoot redcoats..

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.


We, in our present time, cannot yet check off all of these items, but we do seem to be heading in that direction. History repeats itself, and having a populace that has some capacity to resist is the only solution as long as people remain as apathetic as they are today.

TLDR, The second amendment is still necessary.
2012-12-21 09:22:32 AM  
1 votes:

clintster: Same guy also blamed Sandy on abortion rights in the US. This pic seems only appropriate:
 
[politicalmadness.org image 480x360] 
 
and
 
[wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com image 500x500]



farm9.staticflickr.com

q/d Paint.  This should be the default, IMO.
2012-12-21 05:37:36 AM  
1 votes:
Why do people shake magic 8 balls when the instructions say specifically not to do that?

/its as if humans just ignore the rules...
2012-12-21 04:07:36 AM  
1 votes:
Given that China had a spree knife attack like a week before our gun-related one, it's fairly clear that crazies gonna craze.

Just how many people died at that one again?
2012-12-21 03:53:51 AM  
1 votes:
So, I've made it pretty clear that I personally run toward the permissive side of the spectrum on gun regulation, and I haven't been subtle about the fact that I think that people that suddenly magically care about homicides now that there's been a high profile one in the news, when they gave something less than a shiat before (despite the one incident not really altering the overall murder rate in the slightest) and want to address the problem only in the most superficial and least effective manner possible for PR purposes (federal AWB clone proposals) are not only bad policymakers, but bad people.

But... still, what the fark, dude. You don't counter stupid proposals by making equally stupid proposals in a different direction. Politics isn't an "add something dumb and right-wing to something dumb and left-wing and the dialogue is suddenly reasonable" game. You have to at least make some kind of goddamned effort to actually be reasonable. Obama has managed it, take your damned cues from him, at least on general approach if not substance.

//There are certainly aspects of gun control that would be beneficial. Closing the "private collector" loophole by not allowing you to use the term if you sell more than one or maybe two weapons a year would be a good plan, for instance. Restricting 30-round magazines to people licensed for full automatic, who are much more carefully licensed and tracked, is maybe not so effective but at least attacks the problem from a practical angle instead of an "I don't even know enough about guns to tell an assault rifle form a semi-automatic based on an assault rifle frame" perspective.

ox45tallboy: Warlordtrooper: Guns do not cause people to be mentally scarred for life.

This came from another thread, it's not mine, but I think it appropriate here...

There's a Dad that just spent two hours staring at a bicycle he won't be putting together that might disagree with you.


Personification for literary purposes is not the same thing as inanimate objects actually having agency. A car didn't run down your dead cousin, nor did a bottle of Jack, the responsibility lies with the drunk-ass idiot behind the wheel. Same applies to murderers with their weapons. Given that China had a spree knife attack like a week before our gun-related one, it's fairly clear that crazies gonna craze. We can take reasonable steps to try to cut them off, but the constitution means we pretty much have to attack the problem from a threat identification and neutralization perspective, not a trying to subvert the problem by nullifying a civil right perspective.

The bill of rights beats the popular vote even when the public is spending its annual 15 minutes pretending to care about human life before going back to cracking jokes about dudes hopped up on bath salts trying to eat people, basically.
2012-12-21 03:34:00 AM  
1 votes:
There have been like 20 anti-god greenlights to about 1 mental health greenlight regarding the shooting
2012-12-20 11:30:01 PM  
1 votes:
The overwelming biggest single factor in the shootings was that the killer was a crazy mentally ill personwho should have been under strict supervision by mental health professionals.
2012-12-20 11:28:33 PM  
1 votes:

beta_plus: Sorry libs, old Joel's dad was an Orthodox Jew. Any anti-semite remarks are invalid.



Unless his mom was Jewish, it doesn't count.

/why the fark am i trying to reason with a yellow 3 epsilon-minus who cheers when democrats are shot?
2012-12-20 11:21:32 PM  
1 votes:

ox45tallboy: DeaH: Maybe, just maybe, you're not worshiping a god at all. Maybe you're worshiping the adversary of God.

Or maybe you're just mentally masturbating because there's no one at the other end of your prayer.

Any god that would kill children because adults aren't praying enough is not worthy of my worship.


The whole idea of a vengeful god who punishes sinners with fire and brimstone goes completely contrary of what Jesus taught in the gospels.

But then, hardcore Christians seem to only read the verses of the bible that push their own personal agenda and forget about those pesky chapters in Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.
2012-12-20 11:11:15 PM  
1 votes:

beta_plus: Sorry libs, old Joel's dad was an Orthodox Jew. Any anti-semite remarks are invalid.


Is he not allowed to hate his father as well?
2012-12-20 10:57:10 PM  
1 votes:
When "they" begin to take god out of your churches then you have an issue, until then STFU.
2012-12-20 10:55:48 PM  
1 votes:

beta_plus: Sorry libs, old Joel's dad was an Orthodox Jew. Any anti-semite remarks are invalid.


Says the guy who cheered when Rep Giffords was shot.
2012-12-20 10:54:13 PM  
1 votes:
It's always someone else's fault, isn't it?  It's not failed gun policies or a crumbling mental health care system, it's women or Jon Stewart or Saw IV or kids who play Call of Duty.

I don't like guns.  They scare the shiat out of me, and I'd be scared to sleep with one in my house.  Guns however, are not the complete problem.  It's the people who get their hands on them and what they do with them.  If mentally disturbed people are shooting up schools, rather than screaming "BAN ALL THE GUNS!!!1111!!" at the top of your lungs, how about we do more to help the mentally disabled so they don't get their hands on an AR-15 and kill 20 kids?

I don't think people should be able to own guns like that anyway, because I can't see what legitimate purpose they serve, even for hunting.  Do you need to hit a deer with that many rounds?  It's a deer, not a coked-up grizzly bear.
2012-12-20 10:50:34 PM  
1 votes:

MayoSlather: Because secularism is basically synonymous with violence.


Historically there is a pretty good correlation between anti-theist movements and violence. Of course that violence comes from churches putting down the heretics, but that is besides the point.
2012-12-20 10:32:24 PM  
1 votes:
www.moneyandshit.com
/oblig
2012-12-20 10:24:05 PM  
1 votes:

wambu:

This guy is an embarrassment to Christianity.


That sentence is redundant.

Religious adherents should be ridiculed and made fun of at every turn for their superstitious mumbo-jumbo, and for enabling and empowering other more violent delusional nitwits.
2012-12-20 09:32:11 PM  
1 votes:

gilgigamesh: An evangelical named "Joel Rosenberg"?  That's like a Muslim named "Israel Jewstein".


So my sessions with Imam Schlomo aren't legit?
2012-12-20 09:26:05 PM  
1 votes:
An evangelical named "Joel Rosenberg"?  That's like a Muslim named "Israel Jewstein".
2012-12-20 09:23:44 PM  
1 votes:

wambu: If you are a Believer, God is omnipotent onmipresent and cannot be driven out of anywhere he wants to be, so the argument is either bogus or God choses to not be there.


kunochan.com
2012-12-20 08:52:40 PM  
1 votes:

SilentStrider: GAT_00: They are very lucky TDS is on Christmas break or Stewart would biatchslap these people.

 
Once the show is back from break, I'd wager this is one of the first things that they discuss, after the shooting itself.
 
This.
 
Do you remember when Fox slammed him for something, and when he got back from a break he did a couple minute biatch-slapping monologue and finished up with a gospel choir that sang "Fark You?"
 
There will be something grand from him. I assure you.
2012-12-20 08:29:43 PM  
1 votes:

Lionel Mandrake: No. Meth-fueled gay sex, then abortions.


And then they took away Christmas.
2012-12-20 08:21:32 PM  
1 votes:
Because secularism is basically synonymous with violence.
2012-12-20 08:13:50 PM  
1 votes:
It's true. I saw Jon Stewart there with Adam Lanza and they were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
 
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