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(Buzzfeed)   Weekly Fark food thread: Christmas Dinners. Share your menus, ask your questions, post photos. Bonus for this week only: A special guest chef who is also a farker   (buzzfeed.com) divider line 336
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1644 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2012 at 4:58 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-20 03:49:58 PM  

tlchwi02: I've been thinking of doing a goose this year. all the old stories reference a christmas goose like its a thing and i've never had one. I've heard its similar to cooking a duck. anyone have any tips/tricks?

 
it's a lot like cooking a duck.  there will be tons of rendered fat.   you might want to look into some crispy duck techniques where the duck is steamed and then roasted.  I've done a goose before just straight roasted, stuffed with homemade sauerkraut.  It was great.
 
2012-12-20 03:50:09 PM  
Hi, twoody,
 
I was just wondering how long it would take to cook a person, like, say, kwame.
 
You see, it's all part of this elaborate revenge fantasy. I plan to present the cooked kwame to my husband and say, "try the cock, Albert. It's a delicacy, and you know where it's been," as a sort of epic denouement and an homage to a cult movie that no one's seen but me.
 
Thanks,
 
Shostie
 
2012-12-20 03:50:14 PM  
Ooooooooohhh.  That explains all the crosses and Mary statues I saw in your bedroom. 
 
Sorry Tom.
 
2012-12-20 03:50:37 PM  

jtown: [thekingoftexas.files.wordpress.com image 506x395]

 
Oh, please, PLEASE tell me you're really going to eat a 40-year-old frozen dinner.
 
That would be the coolest thing ever.
 
hng
2012-12-20 03:50:38 PM  

twoody: moogrum: the meat just wouldn't go down the tube easily.

Needs more lube....

Seriously though, it's an art that can take a little while to get right.


Try keeping the meet really cold, but you'll still end up angry. The best solution is a vertical press. I can stuff 5lbs in 5minutes.

i.pgcdn.com

Link
 
2012-12-20 03:50:38 PM  
i1151.photobucket.com
It's Christmas and we're eating goddamn squirrel food!
I hate chestnuts.
 
2012-12-20 03:50:56 PM  

shakenasababy: but maybe you have other suggestions for what I can deep fry?

 
You can deep fry ANYTHING!!!!! 
 
Well, except for basil, it tends to wilt unless you have a good batter around it.
 
I don't deep fry much due to health reasons, but LOVE to do a sweet potato tater tot.  Here's an easy recipe: http://www.cookwithtom.com/?p=518
 
2012-12-20 03:50:58 PM  

Shostie: my husband


[quizzicaldog.jpg]
 
2012-12-20 03:51:24 PM  
On Christmas eve I generally prepare the Italian style "Feast of the Seven Fishes" although I don't usually make it to all seven.

The must-have is the salted cod, or Baccala as we say and you have to soak if for a few days changing the water, but it is so delicious. You can serve it cold with lemon and very good olive oil or warm with potato.

For starters I make a nice soup with clams and shrimp, then we have a pasta course with scallops. And then usually a baked trout or something.
 
2012-12-20 03:51:28 PM  
Loompias (Chinese spring roll)
Loompers (Spicy pork in coconut-milk-sticky rice)
BowPows (Porky goodness in a sweet dumpling)
Thai Curry Soup
Spicy Lemon Chicken

And Jack, Johnny, and Jameson.
 
2012-12-20 03:51:40 PM  
Pics of your wife?
 
2012-12-20 03:51:48 PM  
Tom,
 
I was just curious. How do you get your kids to sharpen your knives without them trying to stab each other. My little scamps keep ending up in the ER.
 
Love,
Yoop
 
2012-12-20 03:51:59 PM  
I've had this for about 15 years. Maybe it's time to eat it.
i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-20 03:52:18 PM  

eraser8: I never have enough sweets at my holiday feasts (because I'm not a big fan)...so, do you have any good suggestions (other than pie)?


I like to make Baklava, but it's a HUGE pain and takes forever.  So I came up with this simple way to make it:   http://www.cookwithtom.com/?p=760
 
2012-12-20 03:52:29 PM  

soosh: tlchwi02: I've been thinking of doing a goose this year. all the old stories reference a christmas goose like its a thing and i've never had one. I've heard its similar to cooking a duck. anyone have any tips/tricks?

it's a lot like cooking a duck.  there will be tons of rendered fat.   you might want to look into some crispy duck techniques where the duck is steamed and then roasted.  I've done a goose before just straight roasted, stuffed with homemade sauerkraut.  It was great.


And if you cook a goose you must make goose fat potatoes.
 
2012-12-20 03:52:30 PM  
 
2012-12-20 03:52:52 PM  

PanicAttack: I've always wanted to make Beef Wellington. I think I've finally mustered up the courage to attempt one. Any suggestions for a first-timer?

 
Am I the only one who thinks the pastry on a Beef Wellington is often way too thick?  But, then, I think that about most pastry.
 
2012-12-20 03:53:25 PM  

eraser8: PanicAttack: I've always wanted to make Beef Wellington. I think I've finally mustered up the courage to attempt one. Any suggestions for a first-timer?
 
Am I the only one who thinks the pastry on a Beef Wellington is often way too thick?  But, then, I think that about most pastry.


This is prob going to be the main course for my xmas dinner
 
2012-12-20 03:53:44 PM  

mryoop789: How long should I microwave an egg before it's hard-boiled?


20 minutes at 1% power
/don't do this
 
2012-12-20 03:53:46 PM  
Hey twoody,

I caught my teenage son doing something inappropriate with the turkey after I thawed it out. I've rinsed out the cavity and gave him a stern talking to but is it still safe to eat?
 
2012-12-20 03:53:56 PM  

atlfarkette: All I know so far is that we are having prime rib.


Good choice. That's what poppa Aristotle is cocking as well.
 
2012-12-20 03:54:06 PM  
I was trying to make mashed potatoes, and I boiled the potatoes for like an hour, but I still couldn't mash them. Should I have cut them up first, or something?
 
2012-12-20 03:54:23 PM  
At my gal's house, on Christmas eve we stuff ourselves silly with fresh oysters (with garlic butter, hot sauce, and horseradish). Then on Christmas day it's fried turkey.

We recently got a Big Easy infrared fryer. No oil. It works GREAT! 13 minutes per pound, no oil to buy or heat up or dispose.

/Smoking a 7.5 Boston butt tomorrow
//I SMOKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE
 
2012-12-20 03:54:24 PM  

Shostie: I swear to f*cking God I'm the only person in the world who has seen this movie...


I think the funny part is that I'm the only other person who has seen it.
 
2012-12-20 03:54:27 PM  
I have a box of butternut squash. I would like to serve some at Christmas dinner. How can I fancy it up? Without little marshmallows. Because no.
 
2012-12-20 03:54:32 PM  

moogrum: I used my grandmother's one from like the 60s. Maybe I need a new one, the meat just wouldn't go down the tube easily.


I have used a 2-liter soda bottle as a stuffer in a pinch. Cut off the end, put the casing over the threaded lip area fill the bottle with meat and jam your fist in the bottle, you can use a big can or something if your fists won't fill bottle orifice.

That didn't sound sexual at all.
 
2012-12-20 03:54:53 PM  

kwame: When I sneak into your house over the holidays, I notice a very nice aromatic smell that isn't usually there. Are there special Christmas (or whatever Mormons do) herbs that you use during this season?


Of course, we LOVE to use the leftover souls of the dead people we baptize.  It gives off a very unique smell, and is much more savory than you would expect.
 
/live in Utah
//not Mormon.
 
2012-12-20 03:55:14 PM  
Twoody,

I'm having the traditional prime rib, and in years past, my horseradish sauce just hasn't come out right. I keep it simple- horseradish, sour cream, dijon, vinegar, salt and pepper. Is there some secret ingredient I can add to make it a little more... something?
 
2012-12-20 03:55:32 PM  

Sapper_Topo: I want to glaze a ham with something other than brown sugar or honey any of you have success with something a little more say... Exotic? Also I have a confession I hate Christmas! But seriously ham glaze GO!


Molasses? Maple syrup? Pineapple juice? Mustard + butter? So many options...
 
2012-12-20 03:55:45 PM  

Shostie: Eutamias21: Shostie: my husband

[quizzicaldog.jpg]

I swear to f*cking God I'm the only person in the world who has seen this movie...


No you're not at all. It's one of my favs (stylistically) and my friends have done Halloween costumes based on it.
 
2012-12-20 03:55:51 PM  

namegoeshere: I have a box of butternut squash. I would like to serve some at Christmas dinner. How can I fancy it up? Without little marshmallows. Because no.


My mom makes this and it's one of my favorite things on the planet:
 
Squash Souffle
 
1 10 oz pkg frozen squash
1 stick butter
½ cup sugar (this is on the sweet side, so reduce according to taste)
½ cup flour
2 cups milk (I use 1 milk and 1 cream)
3 eggs (beaten and added one at a time)
 
I recommend buying a soufflé dish if you don't have one.  It is a flat bottomed, circular shaped 'pan' with high sides.  Grease the sides with dab of butter and then flour very lightly.
Cook the squash with butter on low heat.  Remove from the stove.  Add ½ cup sugar and ½ cup flour.  Add 3 eggs, one at a time.  Add the milk and cream, stirring, then cinnamon
and a dash of nutmeg.  Bake at 350 for 1 to 1½ hours.
 
2012-12-20 03:56:02 PM  

PanicAttack: I've always wanted to make Beef Wellington. I think I've finally mustered up the courage to attempt one. Any suggestions for a first-timer?


Yes, don't freak out if it doesn't look perfect, Use Fois Gras (mushroom duxelle should be banished), and sear your tenderloin before you wrap it in the puff pastry.
 
2012-12-20 03:56:06 PM  
Hey twoody,
 
What do you think would be an appropriate punishment for a cat that won't eat all of her green bean casserole you're a bad kitty Mr. Whiskers bad bad bad but so cuddly yes you are yes you are so cute and cuddly I just want to squeeze you and pet you and oh my God you gave me kitty kisses with your nose how sweet yes you are so sweet!
 
Thanks,
 
Shostie
 
2012-12-20 03:56:10 PM  

hng: I can stuff 5lbs in 5minutes.


Oblig: That's what she said.
 
2012-12-20 03:56:20 PM  

twoody: eraser8: I never have enough sweets at my holiday feasts (because I'm not a big fan)...so, do you have any good suggestions (other than pie)?

 
I like to make Baklava, but it's a HUGE pain and takes forever.  So I came up with this simple way to make it:   http://www.cookwithtom.com/?p=760
 
Ooooh.  I love me some Baklava.
 
And, don't worry.  I'll give credit your recipe to the assembled...eventually.
 
2012-12-20 03:56:36 PM  

eraser8: Am I the only one who thinks the pastry on a Beef Wellington is often way too thick?  But, then, I think that about most pastry.

 
As long as it's flaky, I usually don't mind the bulk, but I could see how it could become too bulky if it's not not flaky enough.
 
2012-12-20 03:56:39 PM  
Pork Shoulder BBQ at my house this year.
 
2012-12-20 03:56:55 PM  
Crab blinis, salmon carpaccio, skewer of shrimp and mango, citrus chicken for the main course because a turkey is way too big.  Wines will probably be Chateaux Lynch-Bages and Tokaji (with dessert).
 
Yes, that's a red wine with chicken.  Your point?
 
2012-12-20 03:56:59 PM  
twoody,

I want to make the ultimate meat Matryoshka doll, If I start with stuffed baby quail, what animals should I use to create a feast for 40?

Difficulty: Kosher probably needed.
 
2012-12-20 03:57:00 PM  
Tommy,
My husband says that we need to get some garlic to ward off Jack Frost and his evil demons on Christmas Eve. I told him what we really need is yellow onions. Who's right?
Thanks,
Jen
 
2012-12-20 03:57:20 PM  

kwame: I think the funny part is that I'm the only other person who has seen it.

 

Mrs.Sharpier: No you're not at all. It's one of my favs (stylistically) and my friends have done Halloween costumes based on it.


We should form a club!
 
2012-12-20 03:57:59 PM  

mryoop789: Tommy,
My husband says that we need to get some garlic to ward off Jack Frost and his evil demons on Christmas Eve. I told him what we really need is yellow onions. Who's right?
Thanks,
Jen


I'll field this one.
 
You need shallots.
 
2012-12-20 03:58:12 PM  
NickelP:   I recently acquired an induction cooker and want to try to do a poor mans sous vide on it.  I have a vacume sealer.  Any tips/trips/easy recipes that would work decently with that setup?

Start with fish.  It is done quickly, and if you screw up the temperature on your poor mans sous vide, you won't be out a ton of time.
 
My hands down FAVORITE sous vide recipe is 72 hour short ribs.  There are plenty of recipes for it on the interweb.  When I make it I coat the hell out of the short ribs in peppercorns and let that baby simmer.
 
2012-12-20 03:58:21 PM  

Shostie: Hey twoody,
 
What do you think would be an appropriate punishment for a cat that won't eat all of her green bean casserole you're a bad kitty Mr. Whiskers bad bad bad but so cuddly yes you are yes you are so cute and cuddly I just want to squeeze you and pet you and oh my God you gave me kitty kisses with your nose how sweet yes you are so sweet!
 
Thanks,
 
Shostie


I laughed really hard at this.
 
2012-12-20 03:58:24 PM  

mryoop789: Hi!
 
Here's my question:
 
How long should I microwave an egg before it's hard-boiled?


hahahahadlkfjxc.k
 
2012-12-20 03:58:42 PM  
I will join any club that involves Mrs. Sharpier and watching movies naked.
 
We are going to watch movies naked, right?
 
2012-12-20 03:58:45 PM  
There are a few of us current and former professional chefs on fark. I got out of the game about a decade ago but not because I stopped loving to cook, just got tired of everything that goes along with doing it for a living. Who's the other farker that's always in all the food threads going on about his staff and plating? Starts with an h, I think. Anyway.

My christmas tradition is prime rib. I rotate other things around it based on my mood, but the prime rib, smashed potatoes (roasted garlic or truffle, usually), pan gravy and roasted root vegetables are always on the table. I ordinarily add a salad of some sort (lately I've been into mixing butter lettuce and watercress and dressing them with a nice bright vinaigrette and then adding whatever, like fruit and roasted nuts - this year I'm thinking apple or pear with hazelnuts, maybe a little roquefort), another side and at least a couple desserts. I make a walnut pie every christmas, but I'll usually add a second, just whatever comes to mind. And I always make chocolate truffles.
 
2012-12-20 03:58:45 PM  

special20: I've had this for about 15 years. Maybe it's time to eat it.
[i.imgur.com image 400x300]


I like fruit cake. Go through 2-3 of them every December.

/Yes, I'm THE guy.
//I'm the only one I know of.
///Seriously.
 
2012-12-20 03:59:09 PM  

kwame: I will join any club that involves Mrs. Sharpier and watching movies naked.
 
We are going to watch movies naked, right?


Gross.
 
2012-12-20 03:59:11 PM  
SEVEN COURSE FARK DINNER:

A pizza and a six--pack.

\\\ thread over.
 
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