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(Southern Poverty Law Center)   Imprisoned Mormon cult leader Warren Jeffs decides to hop on the bandwagon, says world will end December 23rd   (splcenter.org) divider line 58
    More: Unlikely, Warren Jeffs, cults, FLDS, El Dorado, Colorado City  
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3068 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2012 at 9:21 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-20 01:53:55 AM  
How much does a shiv cost?
 
2012-12-20 03:13:16 AM  
Misseditbythatmuch.jpg
 
2012-12-20 09:23:50 AM  
Did he see Jeebus in the skid marks of his magic underpants?

I'm just kidding: Mormons aren't Christians.
 
2012-12-20 09:24:02 AM  
I'm sure he hopes it does
 
2012-12-20 09:25:31 AM  

the bandwagon, says world will end December 23rd


Which bandwagon is that?
 
2012-12-20 09:27:40 AM  
At least we can still celebrate Festivus.
 
2012-12-20 09:28:33 AM  

Jeffs told his followers to prepare grey or blue backpacks, of a certain size, and pack them with essentials to be ready to go when God calls them, Wyler said.


www.monologuedb.com


What does god need with a backpack?


pic is warm
 
2012-12-20 09:28:42 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: the bandwagon, says world will end December 23rd


Which bandwagon is that?


I think it's the Cubs' bandwagon. Because nothing says "end of the world" like the Cubs winning the World Series.

/Book it.
//Done.
 
2012-12-20 09:29:41 AM  
Hey, I remember that f*cker!

Has his d*ck fallen off yet from all that masturbation?
 
2012-12-20 09:30:22 AM  
All you need to know about Mormons, specifically the FLDS
i90.photobucket.com
Particularly the part about considering it their Godly duty to draw as much welfare as they can, specifically to bankrupt the government. They call it 'Bleeding The Beast'.
 
2012-12-20 09:32:47 AM  
His world ended a while back.
 
2012-12-20 09:33:10 AM  
The library where I work recently received "Jesus Christ's Message to the World" as revealed to Warren Jeff's.
It's s great big bucket of crazy. One of the "revelations" is a warning to the judges that convicted Jeffs.
 
No, we didn't order it. They were nice enough to send it for free.
 
2012-12-20 09:39:14 AM  
hmm lemme see ... Monson is awesome, is the Tyler Durden leader of a legit Church, ~14 million strong.  whereas this guy has polygamy and a Porter Rockwell like edge to himself... hmm... this is a pretty hard choice. not.
 
2012-12-20 09:42:44 AM  
Lets do this Cheech and Chong style with Sister Mary Elephant.

"Warren, Warren, WARREN WAKE UP, Thank You"
 
2012-12-20 09:43:01 AM  

NewportBarGuy: How much does a shiv cost?


i think two shekels to prison guard, #666.
 
2012-12-20 09:47:16 AM  

Englebert Slaptyback: Jeffs told his followers to prepare grey or blue backpacks, of a certain size, and pack them with essentials to be ready to go when God calls them, Wyler said.


[www.monologuedb.com image 150x150]


What does god need with a backpack?


pic is warm


What does god need with people grovelling before him...but it seems to be a standard requirement of most religions.
 
2012-12-20 09:50:42 AM  
abcnewsradioonline.comimg1.bdbphotos.com
He got it all from daddy.
 
2012-12-20 09:52:55 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-20 09:52:56 AM  
Joseph Smith's b.d. is the 23rd, b.t.w.
 
2012-12-20 09:55:49 AM  
I bet warren jeffs is a lot like Jesus. Give it a couple centuries, you'll see.
 
2012-12-20 09:59:38 AM  
Nice trolling subby...

You guys belong on Fark if you think Warren Jeffs is a "Mormon" and if you think that the FLDS and LDS groups are the same.
 
2012-12-20 10:09:12 AM  
Maybe we're all just part of his dream and our whole world ends every time he wakes up.
sharetv.org
 
2012-12-20 10:10:11 AM  

1nsanilicious: Nice trolling subby...

You guys belong on Fark if you think Warren Jeffs is a "Mormon" and if you think that the FLDS and LDS groups are the same.


The FLDS is the True Faith, and the LDS are a bunch of heretics that were weak enough to bow to man-made laws instead of following the commands of Our Lord and Savior!
 
2012-12-20 10:11:04 AM  
FLDS are not LDS

/not LDS
//has some good friends that are
//they have never tried to convert me or drink my beer
 
2012-12-20 10:15:25 AM  

whyRpeoplesostupid: I'm sure he hopes it does


Pretty much this ... the guy got life in prison plus 20 years to be served consecutively. Even after he dies, he owes them another 20. So the sooner the Apocalypse comes, the better for this guy.
 
2012-12-20 10:16:30 AM  

Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS

/not LDS
//has some good friends that are
//they have never tried to convert me or drink my beer


Well duh. It is the Baptists that will steal your beer.
 
2012-12-20 10:17:40 AM  
And I should give a shiat about what that child rapist says, why?
 
2012-12-20 10:21:28 AM  

give me doughnuts: The library where I work recently received "Jesus Christ's Message to the World" as revealed to Warren Jeff's.
It's s great big bucket of crazy. One of the "revelations" is a warning to the judges that convicted Jeffs.

No, we didn't order it. They were nice enough to send it for free.


Our library got one of those last week too! I guess they felt that the Scientologists shouldn't be the only ones who get to send us free unwanted crap to fill our dumpsters with.

The best part was that the name on the return address was Nathan Jessup.
 
2012-12-20 10:24:37 AM  
HOW can humans be so focked in the head that they follow this guy?
It astounds me.
 
2012-12-20 10:24:52 AM  

Richard Roma: give me doughnuts: The library where I work recently received "Jesus Christ's Message to the World" as revealed to Warren Jeff's.
It's s great big bucket of crazy. One of the "revelations" is a warning to the judges that convicted Jeffs.

 
No, we didn't order it. They were nice enough to send it for free.
 
Our library got one of those last week too! I guess they felt that the Scientologists shouldn't be the only ones who get to send us free unwanted crap to fill our dumpsters with.
 
The best part was that the name on the return address was Nathan Jessup.
 
 
Did you get the "Last Will and Testament of Jesus Christ" and the price list that came with it? That came the day before the book.
 
2012-12-20 10:31:21 AM  

limeyfellow: Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS

/not LDS
//has some good friends that are
//they have never tried to convert me or drink my beer

Well duh. It is the Baptists that will steal your beer.


You know difference between Baptists, Catholics and Jews? Baptists don't recognize the Pope as the head of the church, Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, and Catholics don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

/here all week
 
2012-12-20 10:32:43 AM  

1nsanilicious: Nice trolling subby...

You guys belong on Fark if you think Warren Jeffs is a "Mormon" and if you think that the FLDS and LDS groups are the same.


A heretic by any other name...
 
2012-12-20 10:36:07 AM  

give me doughnuts: The library where I work recently received "Jesus Christ's Message to the World" as revealed to Warren Jeff's.
It's s great big bucket of crazy. One of the "revelations" is a warning to the judges that convicted Jeffs.

No, we didn't order it. They were nice enough to send it for free.


This past year, they sent me, and all my clergy colleagues in the region (Nova Scotia), copies of all their weird manifestos. I had a look through the first installment, for the lulz, and that was enough. I've been marking them "refused" and sending them back ever since.

/haven't received any for the last few months. Maybe they've taken the hint.
 
2012-12-20 10:36:22 AM  

limeyfellow: Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS

/not LDS
//has some good friends that are
//they have never tried to convert me or drink my beer

Well duh. It is the Baptists that will steal your beer.



Jews don't recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants don't recognize the Pope as the leader of the Church.
Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
 
2012-12-20 10:37:51 AM  
dum dum dum dum dum
 
2012-12-20 10:39:05 AM  

give me doughnuts: Did you get the "Last Will and Testament of Jesus Christ" and the price list that came with it? That came the day before the book.


We got a separate mailing (next-day air, no less) explaining the silliness behind the book and how important it was. I don't remember a price list. Honestly, I don't even remember if the book we got was Last Will or Jesus's Message. Once I saw the name on it and realized it wasn't something we had ordered, I tossed it. I think the world will legitimately end before we get sent an unsolicited book that actually makes it into the collection.
 
2012-12-20 10:41:58 AM  

Crewmannumber6: All you need to know about Mormons, specifically the FLDS

Particularly the part about considering it their Godly duty to draw as much welfare as they can, specifically to bankrupt the government. They call it 'Bleeding The Beast'.


I really enjoyed reading that book and have recommended it to others many times. It's half true crime story, half history of Mormonism. Still not sure which half was scarier.

Also, does the title of every Krakauer book begin with a preposition?
 
2012-12-20 10:51:44 AM  

QueenMamaBee: limeyfellow: Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS

/not LDS
//has some good friends that are
//they have never tried to convert me or drink my beer

Well duh. It is the Baptists that will steal your beer.

You know difference between Baptists, Catholics and Jews? Baptists don't recognize the Pope as the head of the church, Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, and Catholics don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

/here all week


and whenever there are four catholics together, you can usually find a fifth
 
2012-12-20 11:12:52 AM  

limeyfellow: Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS

/not LDS
//has some good friends that are
//they have never tried to convert me or drink my beer

Well duh. It is the Baptists that will steal your beer.


That's why you always take TWO Baptists fishing with you, and not one...
 
2012-12-20 11:20:39 AM  
"I've got a brother-in-law who once told my sister, 'If the prophet told me to, I'd slit your throat without even thinking about it.'" 
 
That statement should make for some awkward xmas dinners.
 
2012-12-20 11:21:47 AM  
...and to celebrate it's arrival, he will spill his seed upon the ground 23 times in 23 minutes.
 
2012-12-20 11:22:15 AM  
Jeffs told his followers to prepare grey or blue backpacks, of a certain size, and pack them with essentials to be ready to go when God calls them, Wyler said.

upload.wikimedia.org
"Don't forget your Nikes!"
 
2012-12-20 11:44:29 AM  

Oprah's Minge: Crewmannumber6: All you need to know about Mormons, specifically the FLDS

Particularly the part about considering it their Godly duty to draw as much welfare as they can, specifically to bankrupt the government. They call it 'Bleeding The Beast'.

I really enjoyed reading that book and have recommended it to others many times. It's half true crime story, half history of Mormonism. Still not sure which half was scarier.

Also, does the title of every Krakauer book begin with a preposition?


Krakaur is a bit of a hack. Half the stuff is true, but a lot of it is presented in a way that leaves out reasons, background. Etc.

I would honestly recommend Rough Stone Rolling AND Under the Banner of Heaven. Rough Stone covers Joseph Smith (including peep stones, part of the 1926 trial, and a lot of the background that either gets written out in Mormon histories, but treated with all the diligence of a flaming turd in Non-mormon histories [I'm looking at you, you POS Fawn Brodie]) Banner of Heaven will get you some of the Modern stuff. I've yet to find an evenhanded coverage of in between.
 
2012-12-20 11:54:50 AM  
oi45.tinypic.com
 
2012-12-20 12:10:01 PM  

Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS


This on so many many levels.
 
2012-12-20 12:23:31 PM  
Dammit, I have to get to dying again two days after we've all died? I can't fit in all this dying before Christmas.
 
2012-12-20 12:37:00 PM  
Leave it to a Mormon to take something that is already potato and raise it to Potato+ for their own
aggrandizement..
 
2012-12-20 12:56:48 PM  

give me doughnuts: 1nsanilicious: Nice trolling subby...

You guys belong on Fark if you think Warren Jeffs is a "Mormon" and if you think that the FLDS and LDS groups are the same.

The FLDS is the True Faith, and the LDS are a bunch of heretics that were weak enough to bow to man-made laws instead of following the commands of Our Lord and Savior!


Just like the Protestants aren't Catholics.
 
2012-12-20 12:57:17 PM  

limeyfellow: Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS

/not LDS
//has some good friends that are
//they have never tried to convert me or drink my beer

Well duh. It is the Baptists that will steal your beer.


That's why if you go fishing with a Baptist you should always include two. If you include just the one, he'll drink all your beer.
 
2012-12-20 01:02:30 PM  

QueenMamaBee: limeyfellow: Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS

/not LDS
//has some good friends that are
//they have never tried to convert me or drink my beer

Well duh. It is the Baptists that will steal your beer.

You know difference between Baptists, Catholics and Jews? Baptists don't recognize the Pope as the head of the church, Jews don't recognize Jesus as the son of God, and Catholics don't recognize each other in the liquor store.

/here all week


There is this shipwreck and six survivors find themselves on a life-raft: Two Methodists, two Lutherans and two Baptists. The life-raft ends up coming to shore of a deserted island. Immediately the two Methodists create the 1st Methodist Church of the Island. The two Lutherans do likewise, creating the 1st Lutheran Church of the Island. The Baptists then run themselves, to create the 1st and 2nd Baptist Churches of the Island.
 
2012-12-20 01:23:32 PM  

1nsanilicious: You guys belong on Fark if you think Warren Jeffs is a "Mormon" and if you think that the FLDS and LDS groups are the same.


what's the difference? which one is correct?
 
2012-12-20 02:06:54 PM  

fyancey: [oi45.tinypic.com image 850x502]


 



What am I looking at?

Uniquely Common: Wookie_Jesus: FLDS are not LDS

This on so many many levels.


Yup. Although, I have to ask: what if mormons still believed in polygamy. Follow up question: if polygamy was made legal again, would the mormon church return to it?

Crewmannumber6: Particularly the part about considering it their Godly duty to draw as much welfare as they can, specifically to bankrupt the government. They call it 'Bleeding The Beast'.


Uh never heard that, to be honest. But then, I know mormons love large government welfare projects. See: water works. Their views on government welfare directly contradict their views on church welfare. I know they see them differently, but they really are the same thing. Except one requires membership and the other does not.
 
2012-12-20 02:43:42 PM  
Scythe of the Apocalypse
A symbol of man's ability to unite and avoid wiping each other out. Shiva Medallion-Hinduism, Ring and prayer beads-Islam, Ankh-Egyptian "Life" (Bound), Nun's Crusifix-Christianity, Pendants and charms-Judaism, Dharmachakra-Buddhism, Atheist Dog Tag-Belief in non-Belief, Ying Yang Pendant-Taoism + others. Text on blade is an Enochian call meaning "The house of Death, is called, to bring forth the promise of God, The End." Kaniji, Means, God of Death-Shinigami, and Apocalypse-Mokushi. The chains bind the call for the apocalypse by differing/beliefs uniting together in desire of co-existance. http://www/facebook.com/reaping
 
2012-12-20 02:50:42 PM  
If the world ends on the 21st what happens to the Space Station?
 
2012-12-20 04:25:59 PM  

1nsanilicious: Nice trolling subby...

You guys belong on Fark if you think Warren Jeffs is a "Mormon" and if you think that the FLDS and LDS groups are the same.


Mel Gibson is usually referred to as "Catholic," even though he has rejected recent reforms - just like Warren Jeffs.

Link

The actor has been very vocal about his "traditionalist" views, adhering to the Roman Catholic faith as it was understood before the "modernization" by the Second Vatican Council of 1962-1965. ''I go to an all-pre-Vatican II Latin mass," he told USA Today in 2001. "There was a lot of talk, particularly in the '60s, of 'Wow, we've got to change with the times.' But the Creator instituted something very specific, and we can't just go change it.''

So in 2003 the actor decided to help change things back to the way they were, building a chapel in Malibu, Calif. - The Church of the Holy Family. Tucked away in the tree-covered mountains of Agoura Hills, 30 miles northwest of downtown Los Angeles, the rustic church, unaffiliated with the Roman Catholic archdiocese, has a foot-tall crucifix on the altar and the priest keeps his back to the parishioners as he performs mass every morning entirely in Latin. In church, women must wear head coverings.
 
2012-12-20 04:46:28 PM  

Nadie_AZ: Yup. Although, I have to ask: what if mormons still believed in polygamy. Follow up question: if polygamy was made legal again, would the mormon church return to it?


Ok I'm going to open this can of worms with a disclaimer. These are just my opinions, as such I rest assured knowing someone will disagree with them and I'm A-OK with that, I will not be engaging in a debate on this subject or giving citations or whatever heck else people like to ask for on Fark. That being said...


What if Mormons still believed in polygamy - In a way they do, men can be sealed to more than one woman in heaven. In the event their wife dies before they do, and the man decides to get married again and sealed he will have more than one wife in heaven. Most couples discuss this during their lifetime to decide if this is something they both would be ok or not ok with. However in my opinion, if the laws of the land had not changed. I personally feel polygamy would have died out on its own. In today's society with eduction and advancements in technology a woman is perfectly capable of supporting herself without the financial backing of a man. During the types of polygamy a woman widowed was beholden to charity, polygamy allowed for a man who was financially capable of taking her and her children on to provide for them in all possible ways. Most men did not have multiple wives, and first wife always had veto power if she didn't want to share.

If polygamy was made legal again, would the Mormon church return to it? - Basically just going to reiterate what I typed above, In today's society with education and advancements in technology a woman is not dependent on a man for stability. I see little reason for the church to return to polygamy. As to if they would sanction it or not, I really haven't the foggiest. I would imagine the couple/s would need to have better reasoning than the guy wants to shag multiple women though.

my 2 cents enjoy
 
2012-12-20 04:49:57 PM  

I drunk what: 1nsanilicious: You guys belong on Fark if you think Warren Jeffs is a "Mormon" and if you think that the FLDS and LDS groups are the same.

what's the difference? which one is correct?


It's a lot like dating Margot Kidder. At first, the option of no teeth sounds great.
 
2012-12-20 07:30:10 PM  

Uniquely Common: Nadie_AZ: Yup. Although, I have to ask: what if mormons still believed in polygamy. Follow up question: if polygamy was made legal again, would the mormon church return to it?

Ok I'm going to open this can of worms with a disclaimer. These are just my opinions, as such I rest assured knowing someone will disagree with them and I'm A-OK with that, I will not be engaging in a debate on this subject or giving citations or whatever heck else people like to ask for on Fark. That being said...


What if Mormons still believed in polygamy - In a way they do, men can be sealed to more than one woman in heaven. In the event their wife dies before they do, and the man decides to get married again and sealed he will have more than one wife in heaven. Most couples discuss this during their lifetime to decide if this is something they both would be ok or not ok with. However in my opinion, if the laws of the land had not changed. I personally feel polygamy would have died out on its own. In today's society with eduction and advancements in technology a woman is perfectly capable of supporting herself without the financial backing of a man. During the types of polygamy a woman widowed was beholden to charity, polygamy allowed for a man who was financially capable of taking her and her children on to provide for them in all possible ways. Most men did not have multiple wives, and first wife always had veto power if she didn't want to share.

If polygamy was made legal again, would the Mormon church return to it? - Basically just going to reiterate what I typed above, In today's society with education and advancements in technology a woman is not dependent on a man for stability. I see little reason for the church to return to polygamy. As to if they would sanction it or not, I really haven't the foggiest. I would imagine the couple/s would need to have better reasoning than the guy wants to shag multiple women though.

my 2 cents enjoy


My 2 cents on the subject.

Polygamy allows a small community to expand quickly through birth and incorporation of outsiders into marriages. Males can be brought into families, put to work, sent on missions. Females can be married, produce more of the group. Speaking from a strictly amoral perspective, the LDS movement has a large enough size to where the practice of polygamy is a detriment to growth due to its negative publicity. Previously, it had already been negative publicity to just be Mormon, an extra ding from multiple wives was the difference between 'Bottom of the ocean' and Marianas Trench.'.

Short answer: It's not necessary anymore. The church is big enough to sustain itself without polygamy.
 
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