anfrind: 760 million pounds of cargo isn't unrealistic if you assume Santa's sleigh looks something like this:[1.bp.blogspot.com image 608x345]
Precision Boobery: Does it cover the cost of 24-hour covert surveillance on little boys and girls?
GhostFish: Now let's calculate how much energy it would take to turn water into wine, or conjure bread and fish from thin air.
dletter: 12 million employees?Well, this is obvious then.... Obama needs to make Santa come true.... imagine it, 12 million new jobs, and we all get something we wanted for free once a year!I mean, why not, the GOP accuses Obama of winning because he "gives stuff" to people... might as well live up to it.
maxheck: anfrind:GhostFish: Now let's calculate how much energy it would take to turn water into wine, or conjure bread and fish from thin air.I have heard that it's possible to transmute metals such as iron and copper (but not necessarily lead) into gold using a particle accelerator, but the energy required to transmute even a gram of metal is off the charts (in nature it usually takes a star several times larger than our sun to create metal through fusion of hydrogen). You could probably use a similar technique to transmute hydrogen into carbon, nitrogen, etc., and then reassemble those atoms into the various molecules that make wine, but I think it's safe to assume that the energy required is just as "off the charts" as transmuting common metals into gold. Conjuring bread and fish from air would have all the same difficulties, plus the fact that you'd be assembling atoms into even more complex forms./why am I thinking about alchemy when I should be going to bed?You should probably be going to bed, but...Actually, lead naturally transmutes into gold. Wait a while longer, and the gold will transmute into something lighter. Anything with a higher atomic number than iron will, if you wait long enough, drop a few protons.Iron's actually at a sweet spot in the periodic table. It doesn't transmute into anything without a lot of coercing.
FirstNationalBastard: Stupid article...everyone knows the elves aren't a workforce, they're slave labor! They even have to pick the cotton they stuff into each doll!
Onkel Buck: I cant picture Santa as a company because that would make him evil
anfrind: 760 million pounds of cargo isn't unrealistic if you assume Santa's sleigh looks something like this:
EvilEgg: If you are going to assume Santa's sleigh can carry 1.6 million pounds why not assume it can carry 760 million?
maxheck: Fun fact du jour:If someone had asked you in the late '90s who had the biggest dial-up network in the world, you'd probably think AOL. You'd be off by a couple orders of magnitude.Every day as 5:00pm washed over the planet, every loading dock everywhere dialed a 1-800 number to connect to an AS-400 server in New Jersey and dump their UPS pickup data.I was working for UPS at the time, and helped them move towards doing things on the internet. Sadly, I was a mere contractor and didn't become an instant millionaire when they IPO'ed. One thing I did learn was to wear my contractor-logoed polo shirts every day in December, because they *will* throw you on a truck if not.
Gabrielmot: That number is fairly inaccurate... let's take a look at an alternative way to see what Santa would have to do... (yes Math farkers, I know this isn't perfect, but humor me for Christmas will you?)1. "Christmas" is celebrated by Christians That's 2,331,509,000 of the 6.9 Billion people in the world.2. Of those Christians... How many are children? I couldn't find a good number, so let's make an assumption (not a great one). Child is defined as 12 or under. The average age of death is 78. If this was an even distribution (it isn't) that would mean that 12/78 (roughly 15%) of the Christian population would be considered a child. What's left with that figure? 358,693,6923. Of those 358,693,692 children, how many are "good"? That's hard to define, but let's try.a. Doing well with schoolwork would be considered a good indicator of how "good" a kid is. While there are kids who don't do well in school who are good, there are also smart kids who are bad. We'll assume they cancel each other out and say that grades mean that (on a 20% distributed bell curve), only 40% would be considered "good" by a school system. We're down to 143,477,476 kids now.b. How many regularly attend church? Again, not a great indicator, but a "good" Christian kid should probably attend church a least once in a while. Some random internet stats say that 28% of people haven't attended church in the last 6 months... let's knock them out... 103,303,783c. It's getting harder, but let's do this... 6.6% of the U.S. population will serve time in a prison during their lifetime (ouch)... let's assume they were bad kids too. 96,485,733d. Santa is a charitable guy, and those kids should be too... turns out 75% of kids in a survey donated to charity, so let's knock out the other 25%. 72,364,300e. Good kids need to make their bed. Turns out only about 71% of us do that... 51,378,653f. Good kids should eat their fruits and vegetables...only about 32.5% of us get enough fruits and 26.3% of us enough vege ...
GrizzledVeteran: Here, if interested, is a "what would it cost" story from 1968, the oldest I could find ($600, BTW):Link
Gabrielmot: That number is fairly inaccurate... let's take a look at an alternative way to see what Santa would have to do... (yes Math farkers, I know this isn't perfect, but humor me for Christmas will you?)
If you like these links, you'll love
All the submissions, none of the calories.
Sign up for the Fark NotNewsletter!
Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.
When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.
Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.
You need to create an account to submit links or post comments.
Click here to submit a link.
Also on Fark
Submit a Link »
Copyright © 1999 - 2017 Fark, Inc | Last updated: Dec 16 2017 13:58:13
Runtime: 0.394 sec (393 ms)