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(CBS Detroit)   The Festerman family likes "Liquid Ass" in spray form. Their school district does not   (detroit.cbslocal.com) divider line 55
    More: Dumbass, Festerman, liquid ass, school districts, aerosol spray, hydrogen sulphide, CBS Detroit, middle schools  
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10458 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2012 at 12:33 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-19 09:20:48 PM
Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a "power-packed, super-concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt-crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo."

This is the same kind of braintrust that would buy a trucker hat with fake dog crap on the brim and call it the height of hilarity.
 
2012-12-19 10:03:47 PM
Just what one would expect from an unrepentant asswipe.....
 
2012-12-19 10:05:35 PM

Apos: Just what one would expect from an unrepentant asswipe.....

 
 
.....especially with a surname like Festerman.
 
2012-12-19 11:55:26 PM
cbsdetroit.files.wordpress.com
 
She farted, y'all.
 
2012-12-20 12:38:46 AM
2.bp.blogspot.com

Liquid Ass? I don't need any help in smelling bad, I don't bathe!
 
2012-12-20 12:39:02 AM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a "power-packed, super-concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt-crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo."

This is the same kind of braintrust that would buy a trucker hat with fake dog crap on the brim and call it the height of hilarity.


theamericanadianperspective.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-12-20 12:41:53 AM
"Liquid Ass." Isn't that just another name for AXE body spray?
 
2012-12-20 12:45:59 AM
You know you are moving up in the journalism world when you get the scoop on the big liquid ass story.
 
2012-12-20 12:46:58 AM
He's not an ass-man. He's an ass, man.
 
2012-12-20 12:52:12 AM
the solution:

img.auctiva.com
 
2012-12-20 12:52:55 AM
From the article linked-to by subby's article:

"We've gone to Kmart. We've had our kids with it and were spraying," Jason Festerman said. "We've done it at like Dollar General. Everyone laughed."

Why am I'm not surprised that a family that gets its kicks from the smell of liquid ass would frequent such high brow establishments as Kmart and Dollar General?

/Seriously? Everyone laughed?
 
2012-12-20 12:53:01 AM
$100 fine and probation if he has a job.  If not, 90 days.
 
2012-12-20 12:53:29 AM
Should've shot him
 
2012-12-20 12:54:45 AM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a "power-packed, super-concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt-crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo."

This is the same kind of braintrust that would buy a trucker hat with fake dog crap on the brim and call it the height of hilarity.


bbsimg.ngfiles.com
 
2012-12-20 12:56:15 AM
Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out "Liquid Ass " pranks wherever they go,

You see, here is where the eugenics argument comes into play.
 
2012-12-20 12:57:16 AM
That shiat happened all the time in my high school between classes. farking Spencer's Gifts.
 
2012-12-20 12:57:52 AM
90 days? Methinks he'll know the problems of liquid ass by then.
 
2012-12-20 01:01:36 AM
i306.photobucket.com
Could have been worse. They could have used this stuff. The stench is unbelievable and lasts for days.
 
2012-12-20 01:01:46 AM
Ha I remember reading the fark joke article http://www.cracked.com/article_20102_5-dirty-jokes-in-modern-movies-th at-are-older-than-film_p2.html ( not a new window)

Which advertised that stuff because i was reading about weaponized farting. That's hilarious.
Those target ads are getting better
 
2012-12-20 01:03:47 AM

BarkingUnicorn: $100 fine and probation if he has a job.  If not, 90 days.


Which is 3 times longer than murder in Sweeden!
 
2012-12-20 01:11:31 AM
Ah, "disorderly conduct". When something ought to be illegal, we can say it is.
 
151
2012-12-20 01:18:00 AM
All redneck jokes aside, this stuff is great fun in an office setting. Think about it. The big dude that loves Mexican food? Wait till he goes in the bathroom just after lunch then discretely spray it in there immediately afterward.

My work buddy and I had tons of fun with this stuff till it mysteriously disappeared from our hiding spot in the office.

The greatest part about this article is that it's from Michigan. My home. I'm half tempted to suspect one of my coworkers, had this happened anywhere near Detroit.
 
2012-12-20 01:19:03 AM
I had an eleven year old, 250+ lbs. downs students come today to school to day, remove his sweater, and underneath he was wearing a t-shirt that read "Bada-Bing Bada-Boom" and had the famous naked lady trucker mudflap pose below it.
 
This kid cannot bend his legs on the swing and can barely walk. He did not dress himself....
 
Do I believe this man committed this stench-based crime on purpose? Yes, yes I do.
 
2012-12-20 01:28:10 AM
jail time for what is basically a stink bomb???

I think the tag should be 'asinine' and not 'dumbass'. Though after reading the article, I am glad that I don't have children. Because school administrators were dicks when I graduated from high school and it's only gotten worse. Today I am happy to know that I don't have to deal with them and their ability to almost do what they please lacking any form of checks and balances. I mean, the school accused this man of attack them with a stink bomb in retaliation for his son's suspension and he's in jail. Not even a trial, no cops saying to the school "It's your theory against this man's explanation." Hell, my sister's husband is banninated from the school his daughters, my nieces go to because when the oldest was in kindergarten he went to pick them up and didn't like their system of each class being escorted to the cafeteria one at a time where the parents line up and the teacher one at a time goes to the parent, asks who the child is, walks to the class, takes said child and walks the kid to their parent. He said it was retarded and instead of waiting he called for her to leave the class and walk up to him, which she did as school was out and they were being dismissed. He was trespassed from school property, the school was put into lockdown for a week because of his actions and he can only be allowed back on to school grounds at the authority of the school board. The daughter, who was in kindergarten when this happened is now in the fifth grade. The school board refuses to hear the case. School officials are reaching a point where they have too much authority, or in this case, already passed it.
 
2012-12-20 01:33:43 AM
I don't know if it's the same person or not, but if one where to attempt to find this gentleman and came across someone from Michigan with the same name, one might think he appears to be a caveman displaced from time.
 
2012-12-20 01:36:30 AM
Instant a-hole, just add Festerman.
 
2012-12-20 01:37:25 AM

PapaChester: I had an eleven year old, 250+ lbs. downs students come today to school to day, remove his sweater, and underneath he was wearing a t-shirt that read "Bada-Bing Bada-Boom" and had the famous naked lady trucker mudflap pose below it.

This kid cannot bend his legs on the swing and can barely walk. He did not dress himself....


memefrontier.com
 
2012-12-20 01:39:58 AM
The antidote has been on the market for years (SNL):

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/92/92eass.phtml
 
2012-12-20 02:15:03 AM
What a bunch of pussies. This was common when I was a kid, only we had those small glass vials. Stink Bombs from Spencers. Back when Spencers was dark, smelled like incense, and had velvet posters and black lights all over.
 
2012-12-20 02:19:26 AM
FTFA: Festerman claims he was innocently checking the item in the school, when it discharged - and the police were called. ... In a TV interview, Festerman said his whole family enjoys carrying out "Liquid Ass " pranks wherever they go....

i63.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-20 02:20:18 AM

wildcardjack: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 448x332]

Liquid Ass? I don't need any help in smelling bad, I don't bathe!


That's what I first thought of, too.
 
2012-12-20 02:27:07 AM

Great Janitor: jail time for what is basically a stink bomb???

Hell, my sister's husband is banninated from the school his daughters, my nieces go to because when the oldest was in kindergarten he went to pick them up and didn't like their system of each class being escorted to the cafeteria one at a time where the parents line up and the teacher one at a time goes to the parent, asks who the child is, walks to the class, takes said child and walks the kid to their parent. He said it was retarded and instead of waiting he called for her to leave the class and walk up to him, which she did as school was out and they were being dismissed. He was trespassed from school property, the school was put into lockdown for a week because of his actions and he can only be allowed back on to school grounds at the authority of the school board. The daughter, who was in kindergarten when this happened is now in the fifth grade. The school board refuses to hear the case. School officials are reaching a point where they have too much authority, or in this case, already passed it.


Sounds like there's more to this story.
Could he have lost his temper a little and raised his voice a tad bit? Maybe said some things?
/Of course, a big, scary MAN in the vicinity of ch-ch-children has to mind his p's and q's, yes?
 
2012-12-20 02:46:21 AM
They didn't charge him with something related to terrorism? I'm somewhat surprised.

/a good prosecutor could turn that into a bullshiat "discharged a chemical weapon" story and get a jury nice and outraged.
 
2012-12-20 02:55:50 AM

E5bie: Great Janitor: jail time for what is basically a stink bomb???

Hell, my sister's husband is banninated from the school his daughters, my nieces go to because when the oldest was in kindergarten he went to pick them up and didn't like their system of each class being escorted to the cafeteria one at a time where the parents line up and the teacher one at a time goes to the parent, asks who the child is, walks to the class, takes said child and walks the kid to their parent. He said it was retarded and instead of waiting he called for her to leave the class and walk up to him, which she did as school was out and they were being dismissed. He was trespassed from school property, the school was put into lockdown for a week because of his actions and he can only be allowed back on to school grounds at the authority of the school board. The daughter, who was in kindergarten when this happened is now in the fifth grade. The school board refuses to hear the case. School officials are reaching a point where they have too much authority, or in this case, already passed it.

Sounds like there's more to this story.
Could he have lost his temper a little and raised his voice a tad bit? Maybe said some things?
/Of course, a big, scary MAN in the vicinity of ch-ch-children has to mind his p's and q's, yes?


Well, if you went to pick your kid up from school and you were told to wait in line and as you went to leave with your child you were stopped by school security because you didn't wait for the teacher to escort your kid from the table where the children were sitting to you, you might raise your voice a bit in explaining how incredibly retarded the situation is. I mean if your kid can see you, tells the teacher that your are the kid's parent, then why should the parent have to wait for the teacher to escort that kid to the parent when the kid can walk the 20 feet or so from where the class is to the parent.

The lockdown part was simply because the school staff stopped him as he left with his daughter and explained that he was not allowed to leave with the child until the teacher escorted her to him personally. He said no. They asked him again and he said no and told them that their system was slow and stupid and he refused to follow it. His daughter recognized him and came to him and the school had no authority to stop them from leaving. That's when the shouting began as they threatened to call the police if he didn't return his daughter to their cafeteria. I'm guessing the lockdown part is standard following angry parent outbursts. I honestly don't like my wife's husband and wish that he'd fall over dead, but at least he was willing to look school staff in the eye and tell them that his parental rights outweigh the school's policy when it comes to how he can get his daughter. The trespassing bit was their over reaction to his refusal to follow their asinine policy and their policy of treat any one who doesn't like it as a threat.

I have friends who have kids in school and the stories I hear amaze me. Such as how during standardized testing week and the week before there is no recess and lunch is 15 minutes and there is zero talking. More than once their son has come home hungry because someone talked at the lunch table. They went to the school telling them that they owed their son a free school lunch because as their son paid for his lunch the teacher came to him, explained that his classmate said a word and the entire class is returning to the classroom to resume their work, and his was to throw away the food that he had just paid for. The school refused pointing to the part of the school policy that allows for that. Of course, I have to wonder, 15 minute lunch with no talking or you lose the privilege to eat, no recess on the week before testing and the week of testing, no P.E., could that be why so many kids are being labeled as ADHD??? It's easier to drug them and keep them in a classroom than it is to let them be kids.
 
2012-12-20 03:05:51 AM
Seriously? Kids set off stink bombs in the gym all the time in middle school. The cops were never called.
 
2012-12-20 03:17:03 AM
img20.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-20 03:19:07 AM

Great Janitor: It's easier to drug them and keep them in a classroom than it is to let them be kids.


Not only that, but how exactly do malnourishment and inactivity contribute to higher test scores?
 
("Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a school administrator... but I repeat myself.")
 
2012-12-20 03:49:28 AM
Great Janitor:"I honestly don't like my wife's husband and wish that he'd fall over dead, but at least..."

Bwahaha! Reminds me of the time my friend's drunk dad called him n his bro "sons of biatches!"
 
2012-12-20 05:15:42 AM
i47.tinypic.com
 
2012-12-20 05:29:32 AM
Would the spray help with this...?

i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-20 05:40:28 AM
Reminds me of...
img827.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-20 08:03:44 AM

Great Janitor: ... ... ... ...


Apparently the schools near you are all kinds of effed up. I've seen some bureaucrats on power trips before but... dayum.

I've sorta seen the system from both sides, having my own kids in school, friends' kids, friends and family who are teachers as well. The thing with the awful stupid pickup routine I understand. See, just because a child recognizes and trusts a person, doesn't mean that person has the legal right to take that child home. Non-custodial parent kidnappings do happen, sometimes with dramatic consequences. Inconveniencing 200 parents at the end of each day does give the staff a headache. However, losing one child, ever, will end multiple careers, generate lawsuits, possibly result in criminal negligence charges against individuals, and, oh yeah, will definitely trigger safety policy review meetings in every district for 100 miles around. So incentives favor being stupidly overcautious.

Sounds like this dad tried the "angry customer" routine and was surprised to find that there are places where it doesn't work. Plus, many kindergarten teachers are scared of all men to begin with, so TMYK. Sometimes the gentle approach is kinda mandatory. I'll bet he doesn't go ape on police and judges when they're rude to him, or he must have a difficult life.
 
2012-12-20 08:41:02 AM
Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener [TotalFark]


Smartest
Funniest

2012-12-19 09:20:48 PM

Jason Festerman was called to school after his son was suspended for spraying prank item Liquid Ass in his classroom. Ads claim Liquid Ass is a "power-packed, super-concentrated liquid (that) begins to evaporate filling the air with a genuine, foul butt-crack smell with hints of dead animal and fresh poo."

This is the same kind of braintrust that would buy a trucker hat with fake dog crap on the brim and call it the height of hilarity.


sez the person with the pretentious handle
 
2012-12-20 08:52:01 AM

Great Janitor: jail time for what is basically a stink bomb???

I think the tag should be 'asinine' and not 'dumbass'. Though after reading the article, I am glad that I don't have children. Because school administrators were dicks when I graduated from high school and it's only gotten worse. Today I am happy to know that I don't have to deal with them and their ability to almost do what they please lacking any form of checks and balances. I mean, the school accused this man of attack them with a stink bomb in retaliation for his son's suspension and he's in jail. Not even a trial, no cops saying to the school "It's your theory against this man's explanation." Hell, my sister's husband is banninated from the school his daughters, my nieces go to because when the oldest was in kindergarten he went to pick them up and didn't like their system of each class being escorted to the cafeteria one at a time where the parents line up and the teacher one at a time goes to the parent, asks who the child is, walks to the class, takes said child and walks the kid to their parent. He said it was retarded and instead of waiting he called for her to leave the class and walk up to him, which she did as school was out and they were being dismissed. He was trespassed from school property, the school was put into lockdown for a week because of his actions and he can only be allowed back on to school grounds at the authority of the school board. The daughter, who was in kindergarten when this happened is now in the fifth grade. The school board refuses to hear the case. School officials are reaching a point where they have too much authority, or in this case, already passed it.


Sorry. Walking in off the street and informing the school staff that you are a parent does not mean you're in charge. You wouldn't tolerate a teacher coming to your place of work and disrupting the day to day routine.

/unless she was hot.
 
2012-12-20 09:00:22 AM
Santorum fans perfume of choice.
 
2012-12-20 09:46:07 AM
CSB time!

being from michigan, and having my high school buddy named Festerman....... Yep, its his little brother. (apple fell far from tree, for what its worth)

/End CSB
 
2012-12-20 09:51:30 AM

bugmn99: Great Janitor: jail time for what is basically a stink bomb???

I think the tag should be 'asinine' and not 'dumbass'. Though after reading the article, I am glad that I don't have children. Because school administrators were dicks when I graduated from high school and it's only gotten worse. Today I am happy to know that I don't have to deal with them and their ability to almost do what they please lacking any form of checks and balances. I mean, the school accused this man of attack them with a stink bomb in retaliation for his son's suspension and he's in jail. Not even a trial, no cops saying to the school "It's your theory against this man's explanation." Hell, my sister's husband is banninated from the school his daughters, my nieces go to because when the oldest was in kindergarten he went to pick them up and didn't like their system of each class being escorted to the cafeteria one at a time where the parents line up and the teacher one at a time goes to the parent, asks who the child is, walks to the class, takes said child and walks the kid to their parent. He said it was retarded and instead of waiting he called for her to leave the class and walk up to him, which she did as school was out and they were being dismissed. He was trespassed from school property, the school was put into lockdown for a week because of his actions and he can only be allowed back on to school grounds at the authority of the school board. The daughter, who was in kindergarten when this happened is now in the fifth grade. The school board refuses to hear the case. School officials are reaching a point where they have too much authority, or in this case, already passed it.

Sorry. Walking in off the street and informing the school staff that you are a parent does not mean you're in charge. You wouldn't tolerate a teacher coming to your place of work and disrupting the day to day routine.

/unless she was hot.


I don't see how this would prevent kidnapping a from people the kid knows. Unless they have a list with photographs of every single person allowed to leave the building with the child that they check between escorting the kids, what exactly are they adding? And walking into a school after school is over, yeah, I think you kinda do have the right to take your child home. If he was charging in during the day it would be different but at the end of the school day? Seriously?
 
2012-12-20 10:05:09 AM
Whatcha in for?

I... giggle giggle
heh heh...
I sprayed poo gas at school.
HAHAHAHAHA

Hmm, I woulda thought you graduated from school years ago.
 
2012-12-20 10:58:01 AM

E5bie: ...will end multiple careers, generate lawsuits...


And that's the whole point of this fiasco. Covering asses, not protecting children.
 
2012-12-20 11:51:56 AM

Great Janitor:

Well, if you went to pick your kid up from school and you were told to wait in line and as you went to leave with your child you were stopped by school security because you didn't wait for the teacher to escort your kid from the table where the children were sitting to you, you might raise your voice a bit in explaining how incredibly retarded the situation is. I mean if your kid can see you, tells the teacher that your are the kid's parent, then why should the parent have to wait for the teacher to escort that kid to the parent when the kid can walk the 20 feet or so from where the class is to the parent.


Because lawyers.
 
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