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(Slate)   Monopoly comes out with a new "Entitlements Edition". Just hope you don't land on "Go to work"   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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20059 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Dec 2012 at 1:05 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-12-19 01:10:46 PM  
9 votes:

ChipNASA: In before:
"Black People Board Games."
/or something like that.


cdn.ebaumsworld.comView Full Size
2012-12-19 01:32:30 PM  
5 votes:
Banking Error, you accidentally laundered $19 billion in drug money.
Do not go to jail.
2012-12-19 01:22:20 PM  
4 votes:
zs1.smbc-comics.comView Full Size
2012-12-19 01:38:52 PM  
3 votes:
Job Creators Prayer

Our Job Creators who art on Wall Street
Shallow be thy name
Thy profits come
Before everyone
In this country or any other
Give us this day our part time employment
And forgive us our desires
For stability, healthcare and a regular paycheck
And lead us not to a secure future
but deliver us from autonomy and self sufficiency
For thine is the Republic
And the Plutocracy, and the personhood from SCOTUS
For ever and ever
2012-12-19 02:15:45 PM  
2 votes:

karnal: thecpt

I'm still waiting for a more realistic version of LIFE, that has random things like "spouse leaves, income halved" or "infertility: you can't have kids."

In other words, things that have happened to you?

not quite yet, but it could with a spin of the wheel! The game of LIFE!
2012-12-19 01:42:57 PM  
2 votes:
Would like for having Latvia.
Pass go give potato!
Lucky card say daughter too ugly for rape soldier!
Die in gulag.
2012-12-19 01:41:59 PM  
2 votes:
Dims aint gonna like dis much - but heresa nice little porter to wash er down with
bluepointbrewing.comView Full Size
2012-12-19 01:15:21 PM  
2 votes:

CygnusDarius: Can I be a Romney in Monopoly?.

/Also, I want to use the car

I wanna be a Geithner! Pay no taxes, pay no interest or penalties when caught, then get a job running the IRS and become a millionaire while I do it!
2012-12-19 01:06:26 PM  
2 votes:
Can I be a Romney in Monopoly?.

/Also, I want to use the car
vpb [TotalFark]
2012-12-19 11:49:43 AM  
2 votes:
I can't see the video.  Do they mean entitlements as in Social Security or as in a sense of entitlement from being born rich and well connected?
And how about a vulture capitalist edition?  There aren't any bad squares on that one "IRS informant turned you in for your Swiss account, so you have to go for the amnesty" is as bad as it gets.
2012-12-19 03:23:00 PM  
1 vote:
Reminds me of a Monopoly story I wrote for a friend's faux-news site back in 2006. Link is now dead, so spamming below. ;)

Just in time for the holiday season, the Parker Brothers company is announcing a major revamping of its flagship board game in a new release it is calling, "Subprime Monopoly".

Whereas players in the original Monopoly earned money to buy and develop properties at fixed prices, in "Subprime Monopoly" players borrow obscene amounts of money to purchase overvalued properties with skyrocketing prices and borrowing costs.

"With the advent of the ongoing housing bubble and mortgage loan crisis, we thought the time was right to make some major changes to the rules of the game", says Parker Bros. creative director Mitt Mason. Originally invented by Charles Darrow in 1935, Monopoly first became a huge hit in the middle of the great depression, and has since been played by over 750 million people. "It seemed somehow fitting that we change the rules now that property prices are falling nationwide, given that the game was first popularized the last time this happened in the 1930's. And the way Americans buy and sell property has changed a lot since then. Who in America buys anything these days with money they have actually saved up, and who today buys property at a stable and reasonable price?"

While the goal of the original version was to end the game with the most money, in the revamped version all players finish the game broke or highly in debt, competing to finish with the least total debt and lowest number of foreclosures.

Rules updated

"We tried to model Subprime Monopoly's rules closely to the reality of the modern-day housing bubble, although the basic gameplay is still the same as the original", says Mason, who spearheaded the rule revisions. Subprime lending refers to the practice of making loans to borrowers who cannot qualify for regular loans because chances are high that they cannot hope to possibly pay the money back. And just to make sure subprime borrowers cannot pay the loan back, these loans charge much higher interest rates than is charged to regular people with actual, bonafide credit.
The subprime lending practice in the United States has resulted in the growth over the last several years of a large property investment bubble, or "housing bubble". This bubble is now starting to pop, and by 2009 an estimated two million U.S. borrowers who cannot afford to make mortgage payments are predicted to go into foreclosure.

Players still move around the same classic Monopoly board buying properties and collecting rent, but with a few key differences. In Subprime Monopoly, the game is split into two phases. The game begins in the "Irrational Realty Whore" phase, during which every player must buy any unowned property that his/her piece lands on, regardless of price, and develop houses and hotels on every owned property to the maximum potential. Every time a player passes 'GO' during this phase of play, all property, development, and borrowing costs in the game double for everyone, while rent fees always stay absolutely the same. Players undoubtedly end up borrowing large sums from the Monopoly bank to finance these purchases.

After all players have navigated the entire board three times, the "Reality Sets In" phase kicks in, and the rules dictate that the bank stop lending money to players. At this point, it is not long before all the players can no longer finance their debts, and so property investments are foreclosed for pennies on the dollar. Finally, one lone player not quite yet in solvency emerges the winner of the game with a mountain-load of debt and a pile of properties that nobody else is left to buy.

"I don't think I'm exagerrating when I say it really is fun for the whole family", beams Mason. "There's nothing that says 21st century America quite like a night of living beyond one's means, destroying your credit, and happily following an investment ponzi scheme that is doomed to failure". Indeed, Mason planned to call the game, "Housing Doom Monopoly", but changed the name at the last minute in order to not be confused with a popular U.S. housing bubble commentary website (

[Editor - story can end here]

Gameboard mostly unchanged

Unlike other recent versions of the game, Subprime Monopoly has left most of the game board design the same as the original. "We figured that the gimmick of changing the gameboard's property names to a given city's landmarks, or breeds of cats and dogs, just isn't as invigorating as it used to be."

One thing that has changed, however, is the game cards. Previously, a "Community Chest" or "Chance" card may have read, "Congratulations! You have won $15 in a beauty contest". In the new game, these have been replaced by "Fat Chance" and "Mainstream Media Drivel" cards that say things like, "Congratulations! Your local newspaper has published yet another article validating that house prices will only ever keep going up, forever and ever, and that your mundane town is a 'World Class' city that everybody and their dog wants to live in! Pay $35,000 for renovations on every property you own."

Disapproval from Realtors

Not everyone is excited about the new game, however. "This is disgusting. It makes a mockery of some very real and pressing issues surrounding American society today", says National Association of Realtors guru-in-training Sammy 'Slick' Schmillers, ", issues like why aren't people still out there buying up more homes? For crying out loud, stop wasting your time playing these stupid games, and get back to the business of borrowing more real money and buying more homes for your family! If we've told you once we've told you a million times, prices ain't ever coming down, so what have you got to lose? Get out there and buy, buy, buy!"

But even Schmillers could see a possible silver lining in the release of the game. "After citing journalists, bloggers, and even the weather as reasons for recent housing downturns, we're running a little low on new ideas. I suppose at the very least this game gives us a new outlet for blame."

[Editor - story can also end here]

More Educational Gameplay

Parker Brothers is also keen to point out the educational value attached to the new rules. "The original was always meant to teach children and families about the value of saving money to buy real estate, but how useful is that today? Now, children playing will be forced to learn about concepts much more applicable to modern American life, like escalating interest rates, frenzied investing, liar loans, and how to file for chapter 11. And if we're really lucky, maybe the kids will teach mom and dad what that's all about, too."

A more subtle change from the original gameplay is the concept of who owns what. Just like Americans today, players in Subprime Monopoly don't end the game as property owners. Whereas in the original game, players owned properties with homes, players of the new version only own massive debt backed by overvalued assets, and so in fact the Monopoly bank owns the players.
2012-12-19 03:04:09 PM  
1 vote:

CygnusDarius: Can I be a Romney in Monopoly?.

/Also, I want to use the car

If that's the case, the dog piece automatically loses.
2012-12-19 02:30:54 PM  
1 vote:
Can we see the "Tea Party Edition"? You still get entitlements but the main difference that is that you actually "earn" them and you also get to complain about govt spending.
2012-12-19 02:18:13 PM  
1 vote:

karnal: tuxq

the butthurt is flowing in these responses
they better lube up - they have four more years of butt hurt to look forward to.
images.sodahead.comView Full Size
2012-12-19 02:07:39 PM  
1 vote:
I'm still waiting for a more realistic version of LIFE, that has random things like "spouse leaves, income halved" or "infertility: you can't have kids."
2012-12-19 01:59:31 PM  
1 vote:

Krieghund: GanjSmokr: /it's a joke - it was funny

It's a funny idea poorly implemented in the video.

bit-101.comView Full Size
2012-12-19 01:48:27 PM  
1 vote:
I really enjoy the poetic justice in the fact that Romney's final vote percentage was 47.
2012-12-19 01:40:13 PM  
1 vote:

shotglasss: CygnusDarius: Can I be a Romney in Monopoly?.

/Also, I want to use the car

I wanna be a Geithner! Pay no taxes, pay no interest or penalties when caught, then get a job running the IRS and become a millionaire while I do it!

Fine, but you get the shoe.
2012-12-19 01:37:57 PM  
1 vote:
it's interesting to observe who does and doesn't understand that this is not a real product.
2012-12-19 01:37:45 PM  
1 vote:

ChipNASA: imtheonlylp: Smeggy Smurf: ChipNASA: In before:
"Black People Board Games."
/or something like that. 

[ image 683x690]

i lol'd out loud.

Damn ebaums is blocked at work....I'll see it when I get home.

i36.photobucket.comView Full Size

same image, different hotlink
2012-12-19 01:34:34 PM  
1 vote:
Guess it could also be: "Battered by officials, sue for millions. Become a symbol of civil peace and tolerance. Blow it all on drugs and hookers, End up dying broke in your own swimming pool. Your game is now over, but thanks for playing."
2012-12-19 01:26:31 PM  
1 vote:
Community Chest:
You Incorporate! Advance to "Now who's entitled, biatches?"
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