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(ESPN)   The Redskins and the Cowboys in the top 10, the Jets and Browns out of the playoff hunt, and the Seahawks keep putting down 50. It's your Week 16 NFL Power Rankings   (espn.go.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing, Seahawks, Redskins, Browns, Jets, NFL, Cowboys, playoffs, Colin Kaepernick  
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3866 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 18 Dec 2012 at 12:52 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-12-18 03:45:59 PM  
4 votes:
Friends,

We are gathered here today to celebrate a remarkable achievement. Remarkable in every sense of the word, really. God knows when a quarterback races out to an early 83.3, the rest of us mock and deride, point and laugh, and shortly thereafter simply turn our minds off to such things. The Jake has been handled, it's clearly been won by whomever and while tracking the scoreboard for the rest of the games will be fun, it won't exactly be exciting. No one will seriously consider the possibility that someone else might sneak it away, even if the landmarks of this award still have yet to play.

Hell, it would almost require something surreal.

Something supernatural.

Something like the magic of MS6.

To be certain, said magic works in mysterious ways. One may say that this quarterback's previous win, notched at a truly pathetic 33.3, is evidence enough that it doesn't even exist. Others would argue that it is all the evidence necessary that this is a gunslinger truly touched by the hand of suck. The divine hand of providence guiding his arm to throw the ball into triple coverage, to convince him that he still has a few seconds to hang onto the ball, no matter what the growing shadow over his head might otherwise say.

That even when he cannot achieve, he achieves.

Never has that been more readily apparent than in this lost Jets season, a season so bereft of bearings and so lacking in logic that if a tribesman from the wilds of Borneo was to be transplanted into modern society and asked which team had their coach suspended for the year, they might just answer Gang Green. Yet somehow, in some way, they were still eligible for the playoffs this week. Just think about that.

lionbackers.com

Playoffs?!?

Yes, Jim, there IS...or WAS...the possibility of a Jets playoff spot.

With this assuredly motley crew made up of a backup quarterback given more attention than everyone else, a third-stringer looking more adept at quarterbacking than the starter, and overseeing it all, a jovial man of massive corpulence and an equally massive appetite for little piggies on their way to the market.

Which would also greatly interest the Borneo wildman, but I digress.

And like a surprising lot of the dates with destiny that have been detailed in these pages, this week's award-winning performance started off slowly. Our man finished with a clean slate after quarter one came to its conclusion, despite several worthy attempts to crack the rankings. Indeed, this alleged franchise QB didn't hit the scoreboard until there were a mere four minutes remaining in the first half. Not withstanding the hilarious sack lunch he was fed to send the game to halftime, taking down Josh Freeman would be perhaps his gravest challenge.

Thankfully, there was still some magic left in that old Jets helmet they found.

91 seconds elapsed, and 33.3 was shining brightly. If anyone's thoughts leapt to the idea of a Jake race, however, they were sorely disappointed. The rest of the quarter played out and 33.3 stayed stuck on the board. Worse, the man known as The Sanchise threw a pass for a touchdown.

A touchdown.

To his own team, no less.

All those faces soon blanched at that disgusting sight, and all seemed set in stone. There were only eight minutes and forty four seconds left in the game, and while the Jets' playoff hopes seemed to have died, something much more valuable seemed totally out of their quarterback's ever-so-shaky grasp. Josh Freeman had incredibly won The Jake for Week 15 of the 2012 NFL season against the Worst Defense in the World while failing to score even a single point against them, and -

Hope was rekindled with that criminally underthrown long bomb down the sidelines, we all dearly remember that. It was pathetic, putrid, puerile, and any other such descriptive terms beginning with the letter "p" that can be used to describe a wounded duck quite so ugly. Still, with the ball firmly held to the chest of the Tennessee cornerback, his score was a mere 50.0. Those numbers might be enough to get by in some weeks, but not this one. Not when Josh Freeman had made the defense that defines "terrible" for 2012 appear to be shockingly competent. Just over five minutes were left, and we all knew that if a Mayan Apocalypse miracle were to happen, it had to be continued now.

Another big bomb lived up to its label and the race for The Jake was born anew. 4 interceptions had stunned the crowd, thrilled our teeming masses yearning to breathe Jake, and all at once, the Farkistani population's lonely eyes turned to you, Jets defense.

media.tumblr.com

Woo woo woo.

And we ALL knew it as Sexy Rexy's pride and joy not contained in Michelle's loafers held strong. They held true.

A furious fourth quarter run at forever could actually happen.

There was no telling what might happen, though. That playoff potential was absurdly still on the table as the offense strode onto the field. Down by four points, needing to notch a touchdown score in only 47 brief seconds, the game, the trophy, everything hung by a thread. Which way would the game break?

It only took one play. A single opportunity to either win the game or the gold was all that was necessary for this supposedly handsome, supposedly franchise quarterback to make up his mind. And he made it up well, people.

Oh so very well.

The exchange from Mangold was bobbled, the chance to win and the long shot hopes to reach the tournament dashed, and the Titans could kneel away the end of the strangest New York Jets season in non-Kotite memory. There was a tie on the board, but the hearts and minds of the public was won.

Whomever has him in the Secret Santa, sleep well. He now truly is the man who has everything - a GQ cover-quality body, a golden pair of bookends, and a face full of ass running on perpetual loop on myriad websites across the interwebs.

For thrilling us all with a pursuit of glory not thought possible, for overcoming what seemed to be a no-brainer winner, for recording a 83.3 score at the absolute 11th hour, I am proud to present The Jake for Week 15 of the 2012 NFL season to Mark Sanchez of the New York Jets.

i63.photobucket.com

Mark, anything to say?

i63.photobucket.com

Don't speak with your mouth full, Mark, it's rude.
2012-12-18 11:28:37 AM  
3 votes:

Earpj: What does Denver have to do to move into the top spot? Nine in a row isn't enough?


Teams ranked at the top have played, and beaten, other teams ranked near the top. The Broncos haven't done that. Perhaps they would if they actually played a highly-ranked team, but we don't know, because their 9-game streak has been against a Ravens team that suddenly looks incapable of beating anyone, marginal teams (Saints, Bucs, etc.), and flat-out shiatty teams (Chiefs, Raiders, Chargers X 2, etc.). They've played 3 of the other teams currently in the top 5, and lost all 3 of those games.

Maybe the Donks really are as good as you think, but we really have no objective evidence of this.
2012-12-18 03:47:12 PM  
2 votes:

Hello, my little angles. You are looking so acute today! Would you look at that navy blue line? Oh me oh my what have we here.....

i.imgur.com



Link

Dumb metadata:

Change from Week 1 to this week :
One 22 point drop: Eagles
The next most drastic drops are the Chiefs & Lions, with 15 spots.
One 23 point jump: Colts
The next most drastic jump is the Redskins, with 16

One team is WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE (back at their Week 1 rankings): Jets

Number of times rankings have changed:
3 teams have changed every week: Chargers, Cowboys, Dolphins
1 team has moved 5x: Jaguars

Difference between high rank & low rank:
Lowest fluctuation: Jaguars with 3
Highest fluctuation: Cardinals with 24
Average fluctuation: 12.59

Overall fluctuation travel:
Smallest: Jaguars with 6 (the only one-digit travel distance left)
Highest: Saints with 55

Teams hitting their highest rank this week: Seahawks & Redskins (again),
Teams hitting their lowest rank this week: Ravens (again), Loins (again), Bears, Giants
Nine teams did not change rank: lazy rankers!

Five teams have held the #1 spot
2012-12-18 02:14:44 PM  
2 votes:

seumasokelly: He said "What's your deal?" - I can see how you'd characterize those 3 words as a hissy fit.

Not to say I have an issue with it necessarily, but Harbaugh's call came directly from the sideline on that play, happened later in the game, was a scoring play (2pt conversion vs. kicking), and served no strategic advantage in that game or any other game later on that season.


Except that Pete Carroll spent his entire career at USC running up the score on hapless opponents, and the second it happened to him, he threw a trantrum like the cry-baby he is. Of course, it mattered for naught because right when Carroll saw the NCAA ban-hammer closing in on him for his decade of running the dirtiest program in college football, he jumped ship like the worthless rat he is and went into hiding in the NFL, leaving his former team to suffer all consequences while he cashed at $35 million paycheck.

Pete Carroll deserves nothing but scorn and revile for who he is and what he is. He can go fark himself.

Also, I'm pretty sure that in the minute or so it took me to type out that paragraph, the Seahags went and signed 9 more Niners castoff for their worthless little team. Whar Kentwan Balmer, WHAR?!?
2012-12-18 02:06:49 PM  
2 votes:

i291.photobucket.com


Answers:

Over/Under

1. The Chicago Bears did indeed set a low (or would that be high?) bar for futility, managing to convert zero third downs. Under

2. Although it was an overtime game, Tony broke the Steelers streak of 20 games without allowing a 300-yard passer. Over

3. In one of the most lopsided statistical anomalies I've studied this season, the eagles have 10.5x as many lost fumbles as the Houston Texans. The birdies have 21 lost fumbles compared to the Texans 2. Over.

Whose Line Is It Anyway?

1.13/27 127 yards, TD 2 Fumbles, 6 sacks belongs to Andy Dalton, who managed to win by 21 points in spite of eating 6 sacks and turning the ball over twice. I bet he wishes he could play the Eagles every week.

2. 14/21 104 yards, INT, 1 Sack belongs to Ryan Lindley, who put up that stat line in a 28 point win over the Lions. Yes, I am aware of how ridiculous that is.

3. 35/55, 377 yards, 3 TD, INT, 4 Sacks belongs to Sam Bradford who lit up the stat sheet. Unfortunately (like my fantasy football team) he played against Adrian Peterson and subsequently walked out with a 14 point loss, qualifying him for most ridiculous stat-line in a loss and making him the subject of our bonus question.

Record Setters:

1. The record-holder for 200 yard games, slashing through defenses and driving the dagger into the opposing defenses is O.J. Simpson, with 6 200 yard games.

2. The 3 guys ahead of Randy Moss for the all-time TD leaderboard? Jerry Rice, Emmitt Smith, Ladainian Tomlinson.

3. Kenny Stabler might have been the best QB at being allowed to stay in and keep throwing picks, but the Hall of Famer throwing all the DAGRONS he ever wanted was Terry Bradshaw, who had 12 games with 4 or more INTs. And he won 3 of them!


Some scores for people who turned in full answer sheets:

Dr Dreidel: 5
my_cats_breath_smells_like_cat_food: 5
CipollinaFan: 4
GiantRex: 3
2012-12-18 11:22:42 AM  
2 votes:
The Jets should have fallen further.

Earpj: What does Denver have to do to move into the top spot? Nine in a row isn't enough?


Play their home games somewhere other than Denver, unfortunately.
2012-12-18 11:18:42 AM  
2 votes:
the Jets loss last night as pathetic. Sanchez complete farked up a free lunch.

I am totally disappointed in the Giants. there is 0 consistency.
2012-12-18 11:03:06 AM  
2 votes:
What does Denver have to do to move into the top spot? Nine in a row isn't enough?
2012-12-18 10:16:30 PM  
1 vote:
On behalf of Bunny Deville, and the entire FAIL community (okay its just the two of us) here are FAILS. FAILS EVERYWHERE


i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com


i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com
2012-12-18 04:57:53 PM  
1 vote:

muck4doo: I'm just happy to see the Gnats falling hard. Cowboys will pull this off.


I'm hoping the Gnats continue their current trajectory, and the Cowboys join them.

/HTTR, baby!
2012-12-18 04:56:28 PM  
1 vote:
I'm just happy to see the Gnats falling hard. Cowboys will pull this off.
2012-12-18 04:48:46 PM  
1 vote:
Hail to the Redskins!

On Sunday, Geaux Saints!
2012-12-18 04:47:39 PM  
1 vote:

eddievercetti: Di Atribe: Hello, my little angles. You are looking so acute today! Would you look at that navy blue line? Oh me oh my what have we here.....

Soon, they will fall...


If anyone knows what failing looks like, it's Eagles fans.


Treygreen13: Luckily for the Cowboys, Frampton has come alive.



#1 comment in my heart
2012-12-18 04:34:25 PM  
1 vote:

Rwa2play: The Muthaship: The Seahawks will absolutely roll GB if they meet in the playoffs. I'll show up for my mocking in the thread if they play and GB wins.

Better hope that game's in Seattle, 'cause if that's in GB...sorry but the "Hawks will be plucked, stuffed and shown on display next to the Lombardi trophies.


See, people keep saying this as though Lambeau is a magical place. Sorry, that magic disappeared years and years ago.

Bad weather benefits rushing teams. Which of the two is a rushing team? Which of the two is a physical team? How did playing in Green Bay work out for the Packers last year?
2012-12-18 04:20:49 PM  
1 vote:

Cletus C.: The Packers are above the Seahawks yet the Seahawks beat the Packers earlier in the season. There's no explaining that.



Trollin, trollin trollin, keep those trollies trollin, trollin trollin trollin trollin, trollhide!
2012-12-18 04:17:17 PM  
1 vote:

Di Atribe: Hello, my little angles. You are looking so acute today! Would you look at that navy blue line? Oh me oh my what have we here.....


Soon, they will fall...
2012-12-18 04:15:53 PM  
1 vote:

robsul82: Friends,


Mark winning a another Jake? Has that happened before? Twice in one season?
2012-12-18 04:07:01 PM  
1 vote:

Treygreen13: seumasokelly: Dallas seems to walk into the draft looking for the biggest name/most talented guy and then shoehorn them into the team.

I don't think you're right on this one. He was the top rated and scouted CB and there wasn't another CB taken for 38 picks. It wasn't a "Splash" move as it was "We need a guy at this position so we're going to go get the one that won the Jim Thorpe award and was a unanimous All-American."

Although Janoris Jenkins was the next guy and he's been pretty solid, if not better.


In a way you almost make an argument for seumasokelly, because as you said, Jerrah wouldn't be satisfied with ANYTHING other than the TOP guy, even if it is almost impossible to know who will shake out to be that TOP guy in the NFL. If he would have waited for Jenkins, they wouldn't have used a higher pick, and like you say "he's been pretty solid, if not better"

I get that the original point he made was that Jerrah goes for the SPLASH over the positional needs, and in this case he at least stuck to the right position...but he just had to have the TOP guy no matter the cost. He just likes shiny toys in his collection.

/As a Redskins fan, I am of course 100% fine with this.
//Have been very happy with Shanny's high emphasis on work-ethic and attitude in his draft picks.
///Might take a little bit of time to mold them, but they can be coached
//As opposed to someone who has all the physical talent in the world, but the integrity of a Dung Beetle
/I'm looking at you Fat Albert (and I know the Skin's didn't draft him...but fark that guy)
2012-12-18 03:57:56 PM  
1 vote:

stappawho: I personally witnessed him take a knee at the end of the first half against my beloved WSU.

Believe me, the final score of 69-0 or whatever it ended up being was a sign of mercy.


Exactly - USC beat the sh*t out of a lot of teams, but you'll notice that they didn't score much at all in the fourth quarters of most games. Even in the 55-19 curbstomping of Oklahoma for the title game, they didn't throw a single pass in the fourth quarter.
2012-12-18 03:53:33 PM  
1 vote:
The Texans being ranked above the Patriots A WEEK after the drubbing they took is a god damn joke.
2012-12-18 03:11:01 PM  
1 vote:

4NTLRZ: eddievercetti: Iggles/Jets/Cards/???

The nominees for the Choke artists of 2012!

Philly, for sure. I don't think anyone had any major expectations of the Jets or Cards this year, aside from the mis-guided among their respective fanbases.


ESPN Pre-Season NFL Predictions

3 biggest Disappointments (assuming these teams miss the playoffs):
1. Philly.... 6 of 16 picked them to win division, with 6 more picking them as a wild card.... 1 picked them to win Superbowl.
2. Steelers... 15 of 16 picked them to make the playoffs.. still might make it, but, not going to totally suck like SD or KC either.
3. Bears.... 10 people picked to make the playoffs
Honorable Mentions:
Buffalo .... 9 people picked them to make playoffs
San Diego.... 7 people picked them to make the playoffs
Kansas City... 6 people picked them to make playoffs

3 Biggest Surprises (assuming they make playoffs):
1. Colts... nobody called them for a playoff spot
2. Redskins... nobody called them for a playoff spot
3. Seahawks.... Only 1 person picked them to make playoffs
Honorable Mention:
4. Vikings .... Nobody called them to make playoffs
5. Cowboys .... Only two people picked them to make playoffs (one to win SB tho)

Interesting all the biggest surprises are all of the rookie QBs performing great.

As said on Mike & Mike this week though... if you'd said before the season that both Luck & RGIII would perform above expectations, and there would be a 3rd rookie QB that should have serious consideration as rookie of the year, you'd have been totally shocked.
2012-12-18 02:30:11 PM  
1 vote:
Here is the best still photo the Bears could get as the promo for an video interview with Jay....

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net

I'd say about says it all, but, that could be Jay jumping for joy.
2012-12-18 02:22:14 PM  
1 vote:

Why Would I Read the Article: seumasokelly: He said "What's your deal?" - I can see how you'd characterize those 3 words as a hissy fit.

Not to say I have an issue with it necessarily, but Harbaugh's call came directly from the sideline on that play, happened later in the game, was a scoring play (2pt conversion vs. kicking), and served no strategic advantage in that game or any other game later on that season.

Except that Pete Carroll spent his entire career at USC running up the score on hapless opponents, and the second it happened to him, he threw a trantrum like the cry-baby he is. Of course, it mattered for naught because right when Carroll saw the NCAA ban-hammer closing in on him for his decade of running the dirtiest program in college football, he jumped ship like the worthless rat he is and went into hiding in the NFL, leaving his former team to suffer all consequences while he cashed at $35 million paycheck.

Pete Carroll deserves nothing but scorn and revile for who he is and what he is. He can go fark himself.

Also, I'm pretty sure that in the minute or so it took me to type out that paragraph, the Seahags went and signed 9 more Niners castoff for their worthless little team. Whar Kentwan Balmer, WHAR?!?


LOL @ USC hate. The dirtiest program? You got to be kidding me. The only reason USC was punished that badly was because they lied during the investigation coupled with the OJ Mayo fiasco at their basketball program. The penalties were that harsh because the whole athletic program was farked.

And yes, Pete Carroll is an a-hole for running the program like he did. But let's not pretent that the greatest offense in college football in the past 15 years was paying $300k for a house for Reggie Bush's parents. PSU wins that hands down and OSU is on par with USC. And let's not talk about the crap that's going on in SEC because their boosters are saints, right?
2012-12-18 02:05:31 PM  
1 vote:

Bunny Deville: thecpt: Bunny Deville and I are finishing up the fails, but due to the amount of Fail in the league this week they will not be posted until later this evening! We apologize for failing to give fail in the allotted time.

Also, I didn't write up a fail for this one, but here's a little bonus fail that #2 wanted me to throw out there for your amusement: Belicheck gets a mini fail, "The Devil vs Daniel Webster FAIL" for challenging a previously booth reviewed call.

So much fail, so little time this week.


Does AZ get recognized for passing the (fail)buck from them to the Lions?
2012-12-18 02:01:15 PM  
1 vote:

Dr Dreidel: nmrsnr: Dr Dreidel: // but only one of them

Is that because the other is infected with shards from the troll mirror, or because only one eye has troll splinters in it?

/didn't know which reference was more obscure, so I made both.

But the important thing is that I got neither of them.


The troll mirror is from Hans Christian Andersen's The Snow Queen which makes everything ugly, and the splinters in the eye I know about from d'Aulaire's Trolls which says that trolls see themselves as beautiful because their eyes are full of splinters. 

but not even a troll's eye could make last night's game pretty.

/whew, had to tie it back to football somehow.
2012-12-18 01:58:05 PM  
1 vote:
Current playoff picture:

i35.photobucket.com

If all the higher-ranked teams win, the playoffs will look like this:

i35.photobucket.com

No changes on the AFC side. Bears replace Vikings at #6.

If all the higher-ranked teams lose, the playoffs will look like this:

i35.photobucket.com 

Again, no AFC changes. Dallas takes NFC East from Washington, and Vikings are back at #6.
2012-12-18 01:53:42 PM  
1 vote:

seumasokelly: PowerSlacker: seumasokelly: elguerodiablo: whizbangthedirtfarmer: Here's hoping Seattle will score 50 points against SF this week.

/knowing that SF will score 51 if that happens

I fricking hate Carroll, the fake punt while up 30 is some bushleague douchey bullshine, and the Trashducks defense putting up 55 fantasy points over the past 2 weeks killed my best 2 fantasy teams but for some insane reason I find myself hoping Seattle wins on Sunday night.

This ain't little league. When you're up 30 in the 4th quarter, you've been gifted an extra practice against live dummies - why not see how something plays out? The Buffalo Bills' feelings should be somewhere around the 142nd most important thing on Carroll's list of priorities, if it makes the list at all.

I was a lot more concerned about Wilson still being in the game after the fake punt than the fake punt itself. If the Bills had any guts at all, they would have been taking cheap shots at Wilson for the rest of the game after that stunt.

If the Bills had any guts, they'd have been cheating? Your logic meter is waaaaay off.

Wilson's OROY chances are 141st on Carroll's list, so he may have been trying to grab some stats.

Making everyone he plays against for the rest of the season worry about a fake punt that gains 30 yards is 107th on the list.

biatching and moaning about running up the score ends in high school.


I'm a fellow Seahawks fan. I have no problem with running up the score. I have a problem with running up the score while putting your starting QB in danger.

Fortunately, Buffalo really sucks so it all worked out.
2012-12-18 01:52:13 PM  
1 vote:

PowerSlacker: seumasokelly: elguerodiablo: whizbangthedirtfarmer: Here's hoping Seattle will score 50 points against SF this week.

/knowing that SF will score 51 if that happens

I fricking hate Carroll, the fake punt while up 30 is some bushleague douchey bullshine, and the Trashducks defense putting up 55 fantasy points over the past 2 weeks killed my best 2 fantasy teams but for some insane reason I find myself hoping Seattle wins on Sunday night.

This ain't little league. When you're up 30 in the 4th quarter, you've been gifted an extra practice against live dummies - why not see how something plays out? The Buffalo Bills' feelings should be somewhere around the 142nd most important thing on Carroll's list of priorities, if it makes the list at all.

I was a lot more concerned about Wilson still being in the game after the fake punt than the fake punt itself. If the Bills had any guts at all, they would have been taking cheap shots at Wilson for the rest of the game after that stunt.


If the Bills had any guts, they'd have been cheating? Your logic meter is waaaaay off.

Wilson's OROY chances are 141st on Carroll's list, so he may have been trying to grab some stats.

Making everyone he plays against for the rest of the season worry about a fake punt that gains 30 yards is 107th on the list.

biatching and moaning about running up the score ends in high school.
2012-12-18 01:51:05 PM  
1 vote:

GiantRex: Treygreen13: [Name that player]

Over/Under
1. Over
2. Under
3. Over

Whose Line Is It, Anyway?
1. Philip Rivers
2. Eli Manning
3. Drew Brees
Bonus: Eli's Giants lost

Record Setters:
1. O.J. Simpson
2. Jerry Rice, Marvin Harrison, Cris Carter
3. Johnny Unitas

/mostly guessing


Even Eli isn't as bad as the fail in the question.
2012-12-18 01:46:54 PM  
1 vote:

Gonz: Earpj: What does Denver have to do to move into the top spot? Nine in a row isn't enough?

I'm still not sold on their run game. It's alright, but this time of year, I'd like to see "capable of dominating stretches of playoff games", not just "alright".


So that 10-minute, run-heavy 4th quarter drive to ice the Ravens game doesn't count?

Denver should be No. 1. Yes, they lost to Houston, New England and Atlanta, but I'm quite confident we could beat all three of those teams now that everyone is in sync.
2012-12-18 01:29:46 PM  
1 vote:
Irrational Productions presents...
The Great Tiebreaker Spreadsheet
with your host, RminusQ

Today's episode: 2012 Week 15


Since Monday night's game was two AFC teams, I was able to get a head start on the NFC, so here's the NFC game-by-game:
justpredictions.webs.com
A couple things to note. First of all, the East is a mess, obviously. No team can clinch the East next week; if Washington wins and the other two lose, Dallas could still clinch the division with a win in Week 17. In fact, the only way the winner of the Week 17 game fails to win the division is if they lost Week 16 and the Giants win twice.
Note that tiebreakers are applied within a division first. That's why the Giants are right now on the outside looking in. The good news, if you can call it that, is that if the Giants win their last two games, at least one of the Redskins and Cowboys will fall out of the tie. Since the Giants would lead any other wild card on conference record, New York controls its destiny.
Neither Chicago nor Minnesota can say that. If two NFC East teams hit 10-6, the WAS-DAL winner takes the division and the Giants take a wild card, so if Seattle is ahead, that's it for the North. Seattle beat both teams, so that's another problem for potential wild cards from the North.
Those two wins assure that if Seattle wins either of their last two games, the Seahawks are in the playoffs. The Rams, on the other hand, need a miracle. They, as well as the Saints, would be eliminated with a win by the Bears, Vikings, Giants, or both Cowboys and Redskins. For the Bucs, though, it's too little too late. Even a massive tie at 8-8 can't save Tampa Bay, because of a poor conference record.

OK, now the AFC game-by-game:
justpredictions.webs.com
After the catastrofark that was Monday Night Football, the Jets are mercifully eliminated from contention. Despite being technically behind the Jets right now, Miami is still alive (see below).
My chart is slightly inaccurate (and I discovered too late for me to want to fix it), but Pittsburgh is NOT eliminated from contention to win the North. While they'd lose a two-team tiebreaker to Baltimore, Cincinnati would also wind up at 9-7, and then Pittsburgh wins the division on combined head-to-head (3-1 vs BAL 2-2 vs CIN 1-3).
Indianapolis has not yet clinched a playoff berth, but the only way they could fail to make it is if Cincinnati and Pittsburgh both finish 9-7. No matter whether Baltimore wins the division or not, it would come down to strength of victory between Cincinnati and Indianapolis. The Colts currently lead, but Cincinnati would catch up some with the presumed win over Baltimore in Week 17. Net result is that Indy clinches a playoff spot with a win, PIT loss, or four of these five teams winning: TEN, DET, MIN, CAR, NYJ.

Now it's time for THE GRID:
justpredictions.webs.com
In the AFC, both the Jets and Dolphins can only make 8-8, and the only way that's enough is if Pittsburgh beats Cincinnati and then both lose Week 17. That would leave Pittsburgh eligible from the North, and while Pittsburgh loses to Miami on conference record, the Steelers would beat the Jets due to their head-to-head win. Thus, the Jets cannot make the playoffs, but the Dolphins (just barely) can.
In the NFC, the race at the top is almost over. The East champ will be the 4 seed, unless Green Bay loses their last two games and either Dallas or New York wins their last two games. Atlanta will be the 1 seed, unless they lose their last two games (well, a loss and tie could leave them behind SF). The big deal is the 2-3. San Francisco won the head-to-head battle, so if they're even in record, the 49ers get the bye. A SF win and GB loss/tie means that the two byes are secured.
Again, some corrections discovered after screencapping while typing this stuff up: Pittsburgh (as mentioned above) can still win the North. Also, Pittsburgh will definitely win a tie with Indy on strength of victory. 

The rest of TGTBSS later...
2012-12-18 01:17:24 PM  
1 vote:
btw, the rams didn't play according to the rankings.

/their fans already knew this.
2012-12-18 01:12:48 PM  
1 vote:
All I have to say is:
twimg0-a.akamaihd.net
si0.twimg.com
timekeepingscore.files.wordpress.com

LETS GO 49ers!

WOO!

/also whar grafs
//whar jake
///whar fails?
2012-12-18 01:09:29 PM  
1 vote:

The Muthaship: Fark Griswald: 1. Adrian Peterson running for 212 this week gives him 4 games with over 200 yards rushing. He has the third most 200-yard rushing games of all time. Who has the most 200 yard rushing games in NFL history?


I want to say Jim Brown but I don't think that's right.

My guess wold be Orenthal.


Yes. Who is #2 is actually more surprising.
2012-12-18 01:06:38 PM  
1 vote:

Earpj: What does Denver have to do to move into the top spot? Nine in a row isn't enough?


Ass a Bronco fan I want to see this won steak go to 14. Would that make you happy?
2012-12-18 12:58:58 PM  
1 vote:
so after last night how are the Titans below the Jets?
2012-12-18 12:28:13 PM  
1 vote:

i291.photobucket.com



Welcome back, one and all, to the trivia game where the questions are inane, the host is insane, and you get to work out your superficial middle cerebral vein. I'm tired. I feel like taking the week off. You know, like Eli Manning did. But I will forge ahead anyway and throw trivia questions off my back foot into double coverage like Eli and hope that one of you catches enough right answers to be the king of trivia for the week.

This week, we have three new categories. Over/Under, where you guess if a particular stat is over or under a given number. Whose Line Is It, Anyway? gives you the line of a Quarterback, and you guess who that Quarterback is. Record Setters is our first foray into knowing who holds that record your favorite player is currently chasing. As always, 3 Rounds, 3 Questions. Also 1 bonus this week so keep that in mind. Now put on your big-boy panties and let's get this done.

Over/Under

1. The Chicago Bears were particularly futile this week on 3rd down conversions. How many did they convert? Over or Under 3rd down conversions at (1.5)

2. Tony Romo passing for 341 yards this week broke the Steelers game streak of not allowing 300+ yard passers. How long was that streak? Over/under on streak at (12.5)

3. The Eagles lead the league in lost fumbles and the Houston Texans have the least. What multiple of lost fumbles do the Eagles have over the Texans? Over/under on fumble multiple at 6x.


Whose Line Is It, Anyway?


1. 13/27 127 yards, TD, 2 FUM, 6 Sacks

2. 14/21 104 yards, INT, 1 Sack

3. 35/55, 377 yards, 3 TD, INT, 4 Sacks

Bonus: Only one of those three QBs lost this week. Which one lost?


Record Setters:

1. Adrian Peterson running for 212 this week gives him 4 games with over 200 yards rushing. He has the third most 200-yard rushing games of all time. Who has the most 200 yard rushing games in NFL history?

2. Randy Moss's TD this week moves him over Terrell Owens to put him 4th on the all-time touchdown leaderboard, with 157 TDs. Can you name the 3 players ahead of him?

3. Josh Freeman and Mark Sanchez's 4-INT game moves them up the list of QBs who have recorded 4+ INT games. The leader in that unfortunate statistic is Ken Stabler, who racked up an impressive 14 games (and 4 wins!) recording 4 or more INTs. But which Hall of Fame QB comes in at #2 with 12 4+ INT games?

Pencils down, marital aids out, let us know how you did. Or don't. I really don't care.
2012-12-18 12:26:55 PM  
1 vote:
Look at Clayton going all-in on the derp. He's voted for the Falcons to be #1 both this week (off their huge win) AND last week (off their loss to the miserable Panthers).
2012-12-18 12:04:37 PM  
1 vote:

Dr Dreidel: nmrsnr: Quasar: Sanchez wasn't the one who fumbled that snap

He did throw into triple coverage while off-balance with the game on the line, though.

Are we sure Rex Grossman didn't buy a Sanchez costume in the offseason? And that Brett Favrvrvrvrvrvre stayed retired this time?

// can we start calling Sanch "Teh Dagron" yet, or is that special for Sexy Rexy?
// Sanchez does wear green, you know...


I think that's Sexy Rexy's thing. We have to give the Sanchize his own. Release the Kraken is already taken, but there has to be something we can use... I'll work on it.

ManateeGag: nmrsnr: (12) 8 New York (G)

you give them a of credit. I'm a Giants fan, and I think that's high.


It's not me per se, it's based on who they beat and how badly. Getting their clock cleaned by a 12-2 team doesn't hurt them so bad in the rankings.
2012-12-18 11:47:17 AM  
1 vote:
Here are my FARK/FAIL system V0.9.0 ranks for this week. A lot of disagreement with ESPN this time:

(5) 1 Atlanta
(3) 2 Houston
(2) 3 Denver
(1) 4 San Francisco
(4) 5 New England
(6) 6 Green Bay
(7) 7 Seattle
(12) 8 New York (G)
(11) 9 Baltimore
(9) 10 Indianapolis
(14) 11 Chicago
(8) 12 Washington
(15) 13 Minnesota
(16) 14 Pittsburgh
(13) 15 Cincinnati
(10) 16 Dallas
(17) 17 St. Louis
(19) 18 Miami
(18) 19 New Orleans
(26) 20 Tennessee
(23) 21 Carolina
(20) 22 Tampa Bay
(27) 23 Arizona
(21) 24 New York (J)
(25) 25 Buffalo
(24) 26 San Diego
(28) 27 Detroit
(22) 28 Cleveland
(29) 29 Philadelphia
(30) 30 Oakland
(31) 31 Jacksonville
(32) 32 Kansas City

The Cowboys and Browns are too damn high: +6
The Titans are too damn low: -6
 
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