Howdy everybody, here are the top votes from last week's headlines. We have some Headline of the Year contests open, will mention those in the thread below.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-12-09 to Sat 2012-12-15:

  Norwegian who parachuted into Nazi occupied territory on skis to blow up Hitler's nuclear weapons program using a 30-second fuse has just died at age 101 wishing he had accomplished something with his life    

  Australia police discourage use of Apple maps so motorists won't Darwin themselves    

  Best Korea launches missile. CIA predicts they may be able to fire weather satellites into the bottom of the Mariana Trench by 2050    

  Oates bites Hall in the face. Watch out boy, he'll chew you up    

  Evolution may be the reason women have orgasms, though creationists respond by pointing out whose name gets screamed out during one    

  Man beats victim with frying pan until handle breaks. At least they can't blame this one on pot    

  Doctors will treat CA governor for prostate cancer once they're able to push his head out of the way    

  Atheist Egyptian blogger from Coptic Christian family gets three years in prison for blaspheming Islam. All we need is a Jewish defense attorney and a Pastafarian jailer and we've got BINGO    

  Suicide bomber fails to kill any targets, wounds three, will get prorated 12 goats and a loose adulteress in heaven    

  Police identify bictim of fatal pen stabbing    

  Hillary Clinton faints, sustains concussion. James Harrison fined 50k by the NFL    


Sports:

  Dodgers introduce Greinke, Ryu. HADOUKEN    

  College athletes at major schools are qualifying for bowls by getting A's from on-line courses like "how to open Windows folders" and "tell us about your favorite vitamins" from Western Oklahoma State College Online School of Eligibility Learin'  

  Calipari polling below 50% in Kentucky. In defense of Kentucky fans, it has been nearly nine months since Kentucky won a national championship    


Geek:

  I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabeetus. Thanks to the drugs I take, I may lose my foot but at least I'll remember where I put it    

  NASA's Grail mission has been a naughty probe and has to spank the Moon. Spank it good. Then....the oral sex    

  35% of parents want complete porn filtering. 15% want partial porn filtering. The other 50% are men    


Entertainment:

  Jennie Garth wishes ex-husband Peter Facinelli nothing but the best in his new relationship with that child-whore-slut costar who can really just 9-0-2-1-blow me    

  Auction house sells the only Mick Jagger love letters which were not written to himself    

  Charlie Sheen gives 10-year-old cancer patient $75,000, still can't convince her to watch either of his shows    


Politics:

  $100,000 worth of jewelry stolen from the home of Congressman Darrell Issa. Lost Items include irreplaceable watches, heirloom earrings, BFF ring he bought with Grover Norquist    

  Labor unions: We will fight back. There will be no negotiating with us. We will not stop. We cannot be reasoned with. A path of political destruction shall be paved with the blood of Republicans, and...oh hey, coffee break    

  It comes without compromise. It comes without "buts". It comes without taxes, or sacrifices, or cuts. Maybe revenue...doesn't come from store. Maybe revenue comes...perhaps...from a budgetary score    


Business:

  San Quentin prison inmates are now building hardware for NASA. Products include satellite casings, instrument coverings, shivs for protection from food-crazed Russian cosmonauts    

  Harvard's MBA program is ranked number one in the nation for the third straight year. Criteria again based on graduate's salary, corporate position, length of time of current prison term    

  Neiman Marcus is now selling a $100,000 chicken coop modeled on the Versailles palace. Good luck getting chickens anywhere near a place that comes with a guillotine    
· · ·