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(First Showing)   Jackie Chan to appear in "The Expendables 3." With him, Stallone, and Schwarzenegger in the same movie, no one will understand the words coming out of anyone's mouth   (firstshowing.net) divider line 87
    More: Spiffy, Sylvester Stallone, Jackie Chan, Expendables, Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Expendables 2, Wesley Snipes, mouths  
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1574 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 17 Dec 2012 at 9:24 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-17 09:27:24 PM  
Wow.
The 1st Expendables movie I'll watch.
 
2012-12-17 09:31:06 PM  
Another sequel to the mindless action movie with the majority of the greatest action stars in the last 30 years that doesn't take itself seriously? Count me in.
 
2012-12-17 09:32:02 PM  
Bring Eric Roberts back. I don't care if his character died. Make him a more evil twin or something if that's what it takes.
 
2012-12-17 09:32:27 PM  
Jesus, why not just go for broke Stallone:

Stallone
Schwarzenegger
Willis
Van Damme
Statham
Chan
Norris
Couture
Lundgren
Crews
Li
Rourke

and

Wesley Snipes
Andrew Davidoff
Billy Blanks
Sasha Mitchell
Michael Pare
Steven Seagal
Roddy Piper
Ernie Reyes Jr.
Ralph Macchio
 
2012-12-17 09:33:19 PM  
I watched Expendables 2 the other day with a bunch of buddies. Things from the film that got my MST3K gene twitching (spoilers I guess):

- They figured out what catch phrases they were going to use in this movie, then wrote the script around them. Arnold goes to the "I'll be back" well twice. The damn vehicles they used in the opening scene had catch-phrases painted on them. It was unbelievable

- Did they CGI Stallone's face in that early scene at the bar? He looked animatronic. Same for Arnold a couple times later on

- Someone filled in Chuck's beard with one of those old "Hair in a Can" things they found in a thrift shop. . You will never convince me otherwise.

- Jean Claude's big plan was to go find 5 tons of weapons-grade plutonium, throw it into several giant concrete pots, and then fly it out of a commercial airport. Nice. Also, he apparently brought like 300 henchmen with him, judging on the number of people that got killed by The Expendables in that airport scene.
 
2012-12-17 09:35:28 PM  

jayhawk88: I watched Expendables 2 the other day with a bunch of buddies. Things from the film that got my MST3K gene twitching (spoilers I guess):

- They figured out what catch phrases they were going to use in this movie, then wrote the script around them. Arnold goes to the "I'll be back" well twice. The damn vehicles they used in the opening scene had catch-phrases painted on them. It was unbelievable

- Did they CGI Stallone's face in that early scene at the bar? He looked animatronic. Same for Arnold a couple times later on

- Someone filled in Chuck's beard with one of those old "Hair in a Can" things they found in a thrift shop. . You will never convince me otherwise.

- Jean Claude's big plan was to go find 5 tons of weapons-grade plutonium, throw it into several giant concrete pots, and then fly it out of a commercial airport. Nice. Also, he apparently brought like 300 henchmen with him, judging on the number of people that got killed by The Expendables in that airport scene.


It was somehow more enjoyable than the first though. The first one seemed like it was a ripoff of Commando.

The second was just a ripoff of some drug fueled bender of a 2nd grader's imagination.
 
2012-12-17 09:37:41 PM  

coeyagi: It was somehow more enjoyable than the first though. The first one seemed like it was a ripoff of Commando.

The second was just a ripoff of some drug fueled bender of a 2nd grader's imagination.


Maybe part three will just be an adaptation of Axe Cop.
 
2012-12-17 09:37:47 PM  
[doyouunderstandthewordsthatarecomingoutofmymouth]
 
2012-12-17 09:42:10 PM  

coeyagi: It was somehow more enjoyable than the first though. The first one seemed like it was a ripoff of Commando.

The second was just a ripoff of some drug fueled bender of a 2nd grader's imagination.


Yeah to be honest I couldn't tell you much about the first one. There was a drug kingpin's compound and a CIA guy, something like that? Whatever: They know the formula works now, just keep throwing more and more stars in and you're fine.

And the thing is, after 3, Stallone could turn the franchise lead over to Statham and they could keep it going for another 3 movies at least, after that who knows? It's not like they're ever going to run out of action stars, or people who will pay $10 to go see them kick ass for an hour and forty-five.
 
2012-12-17 09:42:10 PM  

NeoCortex42: coeyagi: It was somehow more enjoyable than the first though. The first one seemed like it was a ripoff of Commando.

The second was just a ripoff of some drug fueled bender of a 2nd grader's imagination.

Maybe part three will just be an adaptation of Axe Cop.


Jesus, I just googled that noise. It is essentially the supposition that South Park had about the plotlines behind Family Guy: eels in a tank moving balls from one side of the tank to the other and seeing where they land on a board of random associations of shiat.

//jealous that I haven't found a way to generate revenue off the shiat smears of my mind
 
2012-12-17 09:43:07 PM  

NeoCortex42: coeyagi: It was somehow more enjoyable than the first though. The first one seemed like it was a ripoff of Commando.

The second was just a ripoff of some drug fueled bender of a 2nd grader's imagination.

Maybe part three will just be an adaptation of Axe Cop.


Well, you just topped "bacon" as the greatest idea ever. Congratulations.
 
2012-12-17 09:43:12 PM  
Is this the thread where someone comments how fun people are at parties? Because I think someone needs to say how fun these guys must be at parties.
 
2012-12-17 09:43:46 PM  

coeyagi: Jesus, I just googled that noise. It is essentially the supposition that South Park had about the plotlines behind Family Guy: eels in a tank moving balls from one side of the tank to the other and seeing where they land on a board of random associations of shiat.


It's also written by a 7 year old.
 
2012-12-17 09:45:53 PM  

jayhawk88: coeyagi: Jesus, I just googled that noise. It is essentially the supposition that South Park had about the plotlines behind Family Guy: eels in a tank moving balls from one side of the tank to the other and seeing where they land on a board of random associations of shiat.

It's also written by a 7 year old.


It's still got some gems in it. How about this from the character list on Wiki:
Telescope Gun Cop: A recurring villain. Angered by Axe Cop's rejection during a team try out, he turns evil. He travels back in time and kills Axe Cop's parents. His weapon is a gun with a telescoping barrel, so he can always shoot bad guys in the face.
 
2012-12-17 09:46:47 PM  

jayhawk88: coeyagi: Jesus, I just googled that noise. It is essentially the supposition that South Park had about the plotlines behind Family Guy: eels in a tank moving balls from one side of the tank to the other and seeing where they land on a board of random associations of shiat.

It's also written by a 7 year old.


Yes, I gathered that from my google search.

//time to break out the index cards and darts.
 
2012-12-17 09:50:07 PM  
Jackie Chan's English ain't that bad.
 
2012-12-17 09:52:34 PM  

coeyagi: Jesus, why not just go for broke Stallone:

Stallone
Schwarzenegger
Willis
Van Damme
Statham
Chan
Norris
Couture
Lundgren
Crews
Li
Rourke

and

Wesley Snipes
Andrew Davidoff
Billy Blanks
Sasha Mitchell
Michael Pare
Steven Seagal
Roddy Piper
Ernie Reyes Jr.
Ralph Macchio


Maybe they have to bust Snipes out of federal prison for tax evasion? That'll get them more Tea Party dollars* than Glen Beck


* Tea Party will only use Liberty dollars
 
2012-12-17 09:52:38 PM  

Dingleberry Dickwad: Another sequel to the mindless action movie with the majority of the greatest action stars in the last 30 years that doesn't take itself seriously? Count me in.


So much this. Silly action movies kind of died in the early 90s, and I'm glad they're coming back a bit.
 
2012-12-17 09:53:35 PM  

coeyagi: Jesus, why not just go for broke Stallone:

Stallone
Schwarzenegger
Willis
Van Damme
Statham
Chan
Norris
Couture
Lundgren
Crews
Li
Rourke

and

Wesley Snipes
Andrew Davidoff
Billy Blanks
Sasha Mitchell
Michael Pare
Steven Seagal
Roddy Piper
Ernie Reyes Jr.
Ralph Macchio


No C. Thomas Howell? Commie.
 
2012-12-17 09:57:27 PM  

elvisaintdead: coeyagi: Jesus, why not just go for broke Stallone:

Stallone
Schwarzenegger
Willis
Van Damme
Statham
Chan
Norris
Couture
Lundgren
Crews
Li
Rourke

and

Wesley Snipes
Andrew Davidoff
Billy Blanks
Sasha Mitchell
Michael Pare
Steven Seagal
Roddy Piper
Ernie Reyes Jr.
Ralph Macchio

No C. Thomas Howell? Commie.


Sorry. I was thinking maybe Patrick Swayze, but by Expendables 4 CGI should be good enough for that.
 
2012-12-17 09:58:55 PM  

elvisaintdead:
No C. Thomas Howell? Commie.


He was such a badass in Gettysburg
 
2012-12-17 10:00:27 PM  
they should add Samuel L Jackson to the cast. He may not be an action star but he has an annoying catch phrase he can use and reuse several times during the film as well.
 
2012-12-17 10:01:40 PM  

coeyagi: Sorry. I was thinking maybe Patrick Swayze, but by Expendables 4 CGI should be good enough for that.


strangely enough, I had pretty much the same idea. :D
 
2012-12-17 10:04:44 PM  
In a side note, Jackie Chan has been pissing off a lot of people in China, especially in Hong Kong, as he has been totally brownnosing the Communist Party bosses in Beijing.
 
2012-12-17 10:11:21 PM  

NeoCortex42: Bring Eric Roberts back. I don't care if his character died. Make him a more evil twin or something if that's what it takes.

 
2012-12-17 10:11:39 PM  

coeyagi: Sorry. I was thinking maybe Patrick Swayze, but by Expendables 4 CGI should be good enough for that.


If they have him say "It's my way or the highway", I'm in
 
2012-12-17 10:13:23 PM  

Mega Steve: coeyagi: Sorry. I was thinking maybe Patrick Swayze, but by Expendables 4 CGI should be good enough for that.

If they have him say "It's my way or the highway", I'm in


Nobody puts Bruce in the corner.
 
2012-12-17 10:20:38 PM  

Straelbora: In a side note, Jackie Chan has been pissing off a lot of people in China, especially in Hong Kong, as he has been totally brownnosing the Communist Party bosses in Beijing.


Does that surprise you? He does have to live there, you know. (Actually that is not accurate...he doesn't have to live there. He wants to live there. He loves China.) Point is, he is undoubtedly one of the wealthiest people in China, and they are still a Communist country. Even if you consider the other-worldly amount of money he gives to charities there has got to be an incredible amount of political pressure on him to "distribute" whatever wealth he retains.
 
2012-12-17 10:25:56 PM  

NeoCortex42: Bring Eric Roberts back. I don't care if his character died. Make him a more evil twin or something if that's what it takes.


apparently Stallone's son was expendable.

/next up after the 3rd installment: EXPENDABLES: THE MUSICAL
 
2012-12-17 10:27:22 PM  

urban.derelict: NeoCortex42: Bring Eric Roberts back. I don't care if his character died. Make him a more evil twin or something if that's what it takes.

apparently Stallone's son was expendable.

/next up after the 3rd installment: EXPENDABLES: THE MUSICAL


The Expendablettes: Newtown, CT Edition.
 
2012-12-17 10:28:25 PM  

Balchinian: Straelbora: In a side note, Jackie Chan has been pissing off a lot of people in China, especially in Hong Kong, as he has been totally brownnosing the Communist Party bosses in Beijing.



I wasn't going to mention this, but I can't help it. China is the most visually beautiful places on the entire planet. I have travelled all over the world in my 59 years. Been on every continent at least once, in every major country, and most minor ones. No place even comes close to China's natural beauty. If I found communism even remotely tolerable, I would be living there...but I don't.
 
2012-12-17 10:28:51 PM  
I'd like to see him play the bad guy. And what the heck, bring back people that got killed before, make it part of the joke.
 
2012-12-17 10:30:06 PM  

chewielouie: I'd like to see him play the bad guy. And what the heck, bring back people that got killed before, make it part of the joke.


They should just break the 4th wall and make a few scenes claymation. They are beyond the point where there is a requirement for giving a f*ck.
 
2012-12-17 10:39:29 PM  

HMS_Blinkin: Dingleberry Dickwad: Another sequel to the mindless action movie with the majority of the greatest action stars in the last 30 years that doesn't take itself seriously? Count me in.

So much this. Silly action movies kind of died in the early 90s, and I'm glad they're coming back a bit.


I'm hoping if this trend continues there'll be a Hot Shots part three
 
2012-12-17 10:40:39 PM  

loonatic112358: HMS_Blinkin: Dingleberry Dickwad: Another sequel to the mindless action movie with the majority of the greatest action stars in the last 30 years that doesn't take itself seriously? Count me in.

So much this. Silly action movies kind of died in the early 90s, and I'm glad they're coming back a bit.

I'm hoping if this trend continues there'll be a Hot Shots part three


Well, that coke isn't going to purchase itself and then snort itself.
 
2012-12-17 10:40:53 PM  

Plant Rights Activist: they should add Samuel L Jackson to the cast. He may not be an action star but he has an annoying catch phrase he can use and reuse several times during the film as well.


He could be the mastermind bad guy in some government agency who funds chaos in other countries
 
2012-12-17 10:40:59 PM  
I read a review of Expendables 2 that said "Just turn off your brain and enjoy it". Sound advice.
 
2012-12-17 10:43:03 PM  
They'll definitely need Whoopi Goldberg too:

web-vue.com

/hot
 
2012-12-17 10:44:05 PM  

coeyagi: Well, that coke isn't going to purchase itself and then snort itself.


He could be working on that before he gets sent overseas

Also, there should be a performance enhancement drink called tiger blood
 
2012-12-17 11:16:15 PM  

jayhawk88: And the thing is, after 3, Stallone could turn the franchise lead over to Statham


Watched Crank: High Voltage for the first time last night. Awesome movie and hilarious.

Amy Smart is so ridiculously hot, it's...ridiculous.

Statham is a great action star.
 
2012-12-17 11:26:56 PM  
Expendables 2 was the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen.
And not in a good way.
Sorry.
 
2012-12-17 11:35:05 PM  
Plus, I just reread Chuck Norris' bio.
He said he would never do a movie with bad language or gratuitous violence.
I guess he changed his mind.
 
2012-12-17 11:43:31 PM  

domo_kun_sai: Plus, I just reread Chuck Norris' bio.
He said he would never do a movie with bad language or gratuitous violence.
I guess he changed his mind.


Or he realized that he didn't have enough actual pull to tell the movie's writer and director what to do just so he'd pop up for a 1 minute cameo.
 
2012-12-17 11:49:23 PM  

domo_kun_sai: Expendables 2 was the most ridiculous movie I have ever seen.
And not in a good way.
Sorry.


This. THE PITS. A canon in the front of the plane aimed by the glide angle? FAIL. Now if it were Maria Shriver being interrogated, that would have been entertaining.
 
2012-12-17 11:51:07 PM  
This just needs Chris Tucker and Estelle Getty to round out the cast.
 
2012-12-18 12:23:46 AM  

Plant Rights Activist: they should add Samuel L Jackson to the cast. He may not be an action star but he has an annoying catch phrase he can use and reuse several times during the film as well.


Throw in Chris Tucker, Laurence Fishburne and Eddie Murphy, and you've got The Blaxpendables.

I also think it'd be more fun to watch.
 
2012-12-18 12:26:38 AM  

Straelbora: In a side note, Jackie Chan has been pissing off a lot of people in China, especially in Hong Kong, as he has been totally brownnosing the Communist Party bosses in Beijing.


Ya, He's tight with the government and this isn't the first time he's said something like this. I read once (I think on fark) that the government doesn't want him to ever play any bad guy roles. He's almost like a celebrity spokesperson for the government.
 
2012-12-18 12:35:13 AM  
There are 5000 actors I'd rather see that Nicholas Cage The Human Plank in an action movie. To wit:

Milla Jovovich
Joe Pesci
The whiny kid who plays Annakin Skywalker
The 6-year-old who plays Annakin Skywalker
Seth Green
Alexis Denisof
David Boreanaz
Katharine Isabelle
Patrick Stewart
Nicholas Brendon
Nicholas Brendon's twin brother who only appeared in one episode of Buffy but who still has far superior emotional range than Nicholas Cage
Will Smith
Rowdy Roddy Piper
Angelo "King Kong" Mosca
and so on....
 
2012-12-18 12:55:49 AM  

coeyagi: The Expendablettes: Newtown, CT Edition.


that's horrible and you should feel absolutely terrible for posting it

/and that's just terrible...
 
2012-12-18 01:02:48 AM  
Need Olivier Grunner! Best french kickboxer/actor EVER!

Nemesis. Intercepter Force 1 and 2. Automatic. Mercenaries. T.N.T.

He's the best! Give the man a cameo!
 
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