FARK.com: (7490328) Lindsay Lohan is available for weddings and Bat Mitzvahs. No, seriously

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		Lindsay Lohan is available for weddings and Bat Mitzvahs. No, seriously (nypost.com)		67
		More: Obvious, Lindsay Lohan, Bat Mitzvahs, subject lines

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6175 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 17 Dec 2012 at 5:21 PM | Favorite | share:

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naughtyrev		2012-12-17 01:54:45 PM

Maybe this could work - don't want to be the biggest drunk at your sister's wedding? Hire Lohan for your date.

vpb		2012-12-17 02:08:23 PM

I always thought she would be doing out-calls.

NowhereMon		2012-12-17 02:10:31 PM

Bachelor parties and girlfriend experiences?

basemetal		2012-12-17 04:53:54 PM

Keep her away from the open bar!

basemetal		2012-12-17 04:55:05 PM

Yeah, this is going to get annoying real fast, so expect it a lot.

Arkanaut		2012-12-17 05:23:24 PM

I didn't know people hired official drug dealers.

cgraves67		2012-12-17 05:28:13 PM

basemetal: Keep her away from the open bar!

The open bar is stipulated in her contract.

d-fens99		2012-12-17 05:29:47 PM

When the heck did the emoticons appear?

LandOfChocolate		2012-12-17 05:32:11 PM

A talent company claiming to represent the troubled actress wants us to know their client is available for weddings and Bat Mitzvahs.

...

We've reached out to Lohan's rep and have not received an immediate response on the authenticity of the email.

So you're just printing bullshiat then? You couldn't have waited for confirmation before rushing out your big "scoop"

Farking parasites.

gilgigamesh		2012-12-17 05:32:59 PM

d-fens99: When the heck did the emoticons appear?

Oh no. Please Shiva, no.

Anyway, on topic: let me know when that list includes "out calls" and I am in. I don't care what Fark thinks, I would still gladly wreck that chick.

litespeed74		2012-12-17 05:36:28 PM

Best mohel ever!

SineSwiper		2012-12-17 05:37:10 PM

WTF are these things?

8) :) &) @) #) $) %) ^) *) :(

Mugato		2012-12-17 05:38:22 PM

Scores apparently offered her a gig but not to strip. They want her to host some live chat or something. Those fools could have gotten her to perform a donkey show.

I bet those reality show vultures are drooling at the notion of her storage compartment going to auction

TeddyRooseveltsMustache		2012-12-17 05:38:54 PM

Wow... Lindsay you are farked.

Valeriyance		2012-12-17 05:39:06 PM

gilgigamesh: d-fens99: When the heck did the emoticons appear?

Oh no. Please Shiva, no.

Anyway, on topic: let me know when that list includes "out calls" and I am in. I don't care what Fark thinks, I would still gladly wreck that chick.

I got 5 on it.

blaXXer		2012-12-17 05:40:23 PM

_{^{Bat Mitzvahs}}
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs

Really subby? REALLY?

/oy vey

4nik8tor		2012-12-17 05:44:35 PM

Just a matter of time before she's slobbin' knobbins on camera for cash.

The First Four Katy Perry Albums		2012-12-17 05:46:27 PM

blaXXer: Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs

Really subby? REALLY?

/oy vey

Before you overdose on smug, you might want to be aware that a bat mitzvah is a real thing. It's just the female equivalent.

Dragonflew		2012-12-17 05:46:40 PM

FTFA: In bright pink lettering, the email reminds us that "Not only is Lindsay an Actress but she is also a Fashion Designer, Model and Recording Artist." Perhaps adding "Jail Bait" didn't have much of a ring to it.

She's 26.
___________________

blaXXer: Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs

Really subby? REALLY?

/oy vey

FTFA: A talent company claiming to represent the troubled actress wants us to know their client is available for weddings and Bat Mitzvahs.

I am confused, subby took this directly from the article.

Mugato		2012-12-17 05:49:10 PM

The First Four Katy Perry Albums: Before you overdose on smug, you might want to be aware that a bat mitzvah is a real thing. It's just the female equivalent.

Even I knew that and I'm as goyum as they come.

homelessdude		2012-12-17 05:51:06 PM

"Ms Lohan, let me introduce you to the Mr. Gutter. Mr. Gutter, this is Ms Lohan. Enjoy your evening."

Fluorescent Testicle		2012-12-17 05:59:22 PM

blaXXer: Really subby? REALLY?

Congratulations on your fail.

Infobahn		2012-12-17 06:00:34 PM

Erin Moran is jealous

farkingismybusiness		2012-12-17 06:02:32 PM

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah. Spooky. Scary. Boys becoming men, men becoming wolves.

basemetal		2012-12-17 06:03:20 PM

Oh man, they took away the emoticon buttons!

PainInTheASP		2012-12-17 06:03:28 PM

Does she do windows?

B.L.Z. Bub		2012-12-17 06:04:16 PM

basemetal: Oh man, they took away the emoticon buttons!

Looks like Fark was briefly experimenting with one of them thar high-falutin' visual editors with all the fixins.

Ivo Shandor		2012-12-17 06:13:09 PM

blaXXer: Really subby? REALLY?/oy vey

Pet peeve?

blaXXer		2012-12-17 06:21:24 PM

Ivo Shandor: blaXXer: Really subby? REALLY?/oy vey

Pet peeve?

Ped peawe. Get it right, moran.

ParadisePornoTheater		2012-12-17 06:29:09 PM

Building more bridges to burn ...

Hector Remarkable		2012-12-17 06:30:13 PM

If you believe that's real, we can't help you.

gilatrout		2012-12-17 06:35:41 PM

Ms Lohan helping young boys become men?

Dragonflew		2012-12-17 06:38:44 PM

gilatrout: Ms Lohan helping young boys become men?

At a BAT Mitzvah?

jprogram		2012-12-17 06:46:00 PM

LiLo turn girls into a woman. That is sort of... hot?

StoPPeRmobile		2012-12-17 06:59:15 PM

Dragonflew: gilatrout: Ms Lohan helping young boys become men?

At a BAT Mitzvah?

If that's where she is, chosen one.

Coco LaFemme		2012-12-17 07:02:52 PM

blaXXer: Bat Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs Really subby? REALLY? /oy vey

The fail is strong, here. I'm laughing at your ignorance.

LonMead		2012-12-17 07:03:43 PM

PainInTheASP: Does she do windows?

Is "Windows" the nickname of the guy she gets her coke from? Then yes.

acaciaavenue		2012-12-17 07:04:49 PM

I think there may be a market in booking her to go ruin someone else's wedding.

brap		2012-12-17 07:22:20 PM

Coco LaFemme: blaXXer: Bat Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs Bat Mitzvahs Really subby? REALLY? /oy veyThe fail is strong, here. I'm laughing at your ignorance.

Beat on the bat beat on the bat beat on the bat with a baseball bat oh yeah, oh yeah ooh hoo!

You know most celebrities and not so celebrities do this sort of crap. If you pay a shiateload of money you can get anyone to show up to nearly anything.

brap		2012-12-17 07:25:28 PM

I do want to have lunch with Lindsay while she is in New York.

*makes "call me" gesture.*

Teufelaffe		2012-12-17 07:28:41 PM

I've got a few dollars and a list of things Lindsey can do...

W.C.fields forever		2012-12-17 07:34:09 PM

brap: I do want to have lunch with Lindsay while she is in New York.

*makes "call me" gesture.*

*'snaps fingers in both hands and points to my manly region' gesture*

//Italian foreplay

//NO NOT YOU,BRAP

Spiralmonkey		2012-12-17 07:48:41 PM

Has it really become fashionable to hire someone to come and steal your presents? Didn't that used to be the job of your drunken cousin's sketchy boyfriend who just turned up, drank the free bar dry and when you looked round all the crystal glass sets and silver fish servers were gone?

Maybe it's all a plan, sell off the stuff in the lockup to free up space then get paid in presents - "any two from the top row, and three from the front" and then avoid tax.

meanmutton		2012-12-17 07:54:57 PM

The First Four Katy Perry Albums: blaXXer: Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs
Bat Mitzvahs

Really subby? REALLY?

/oy vey

Before you overdose on smug, you might want to be aware that a bat mitzvah is a real thing. It's just the female equivalent.

I thought the point was: do you really want her around your impressionable preteen?

dalthas		2012-12-17 08:10:51 PM

blaXXer: Ivo Shandor: blaXXer: Really subby? REALLY?/oy vey

Pet peeve?

Ped peawe. Get it right, moran.

desertpeace.files.wordpress.com

WhippingBoy		2012-12-17 08:24:45 PM

I don't know what either a "bar-mitzvah" or a "bat-mitzvah" is.

/no, don't tell me... I don't care

blinkybluegnome		2012-12-17 08:38:33 PM

Selling off her lockers?

Tonight, on a very special episode of 'Storage Wars'...

11thmetal		2012-12-17 08:47:28 PM

Lohan sex tape in 5... 4... 3... 2...

apacheco		2012-12-17 08:49:57 PM

she has proven that trains wrecks can actually be a good thing

Teufelaffe		2012-12-17 08:56:52 PM

WhippingBoy: I don't know what either a "bar-mitzvah" or a "bat-mitzvah" is.

/no, don't tell me... I don't care

The important thing is that you've managed to tell a number of people that you're both ignorant and apathetic.

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