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(WESH Orlando)   Suspicious rocking horse detonated   ( divider line
    More: Florida, stuffed animals  
•       •       •

4864 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Dec 2012 at 2:00 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-12-17 02:56:02 PM  
4 votes:
wesh.comView Full Size

There are legends around the playground about how Jimmie the Kid rode his hobby horse so hard, it exploded. Most kids that still wear pampers thinks it's just us older kids a-talking. But I know it's true. I was there.

We was coolin' our booties by the swing set when Jimmie the Kid rode up on his hobby horse Brown Like Poo. His mommy thought he was talkin' about a bear but we knew what he meant and we laughed. Jimmie was all jokes when he wanted to be. But he could be serious when the times called for it.

So we was all there when Martin rode up on that Big Wheel. He and Jimmie gets to talking. Martin says his Big Wheels faster than Brown Like Poo and Jimmie gets up in a snort. No one's beaten Brownie and no one ever will. Jimmie notes that the Big Wheel probably has a lot of pickup but in the long run, Poo will be anything with any number o' wheels.

So he and Martin decide on a race. 'Round the Merry-go-Round, past the slide and over to the tennis court. At the water fountain, turn around and come straight back. We were all up for this race. Dottie started them off. I knew she was sweet on Martin and wanted to ride with him on that machine so we watched her closely. We wanted a fair race.

They took off and Martin took and early lead. Jimmie didn't seem too upset though. He knew Martin would be wheezing by the time he got to the water fountain. He stayed back and kept pace. Brown Like Poo just cruised along.

At the Tennis Court, Martin started wheezing. Just like Jimmie said he would. I saw him pull over and I thought the race was over. But Martin pulled out an inhaler. He had never been allowed to carry it before 'cause he misused it too much. He took a hit and started up again. When he got to the water fountain, he just did a 180 with that cursed speed break. Headin' towards the finish line, he passed Jimmie laughing.

Jimmie gave Poo the spurs and Poo kicked it up and went full throttle. He turned right at the water fountain and was closing on Martin when it happened. Poor Poo just had no more to give. She just exploded and died right there by the fence. Martin pulled over just short of the finish line. We were all dumbstruck.

Jimmie and some of the sissier kids cried but I knew Brown like Poo died giving all she had. She would have wanted to go out that way. Jimmie took the hide and the rockers home and the birds used Poo's stuffing for their nest. I think Jimmie still has her head. He'll let go when he older but for now, we know he keeps it in the basement. Locked up in a cage he built with the rockers. He always was an excitable boy, we said.
2012-12-17 02:02:40 PM  
4 votes:
Neigh sayers.
2012-12-17 02:04:59 PM  
3 votes:
. . .a stuffed rocking horse with a black item strapped to it. . .

Was it a saddle? I bet it was a saddle.
2012-12-17 02:24:55 PM  
2 votes:
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.comView Full Size

You know? I was just GIS'ing for black child on a rocking horse. Because the article said "A suspicious package, described by deputies as a stuffed rocking horse with a black item strapped to it, prompted lockdowns in the area Monday" and that's just where my sick, alcohol soaked brain goes. But then this turned up in the GIS results.

encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size

You can ride as fast as possible and you will never get away from me.
2012-12-17 02:10:34 PM  
2 votes:
I originally missed the "rocking" part of the headline. Which would have made this a much more interesting article.
2012-12-17 02:10:29 PM  
2 votes:

FauxReal: I'm sure that rocking horse was full of trojan terrorists. Disaster averted.

laits.utexas.eduView Full Size

Well, I have a picture and you don't.
2012-12-17 02:04:06 PM  
2 votes:
Al Questrian claimed responsibility for the attack.
2012-12-17 02:02:45 PM  
2 votes:
He was kinda creepy. Just sitting there, staring, rocking back and forth...
2012-12-17 03:29:57 PM  
1 vote:
FTFA: ...Elementary School and Freedom Middle School were locked down...

How delightfully symbolic of the America we live in. Freedom was locked down because of a stuffed animal.
2012-12-17 02:47:14 PM  
1 vote:

Sin_City_Superhero: A guy I work with said that he wanted to place a suspicious-looking box of kittens somewhere, for the bomb squad to find. Full Size
2012-12-17 02:38:07 PM  
1 vote:
What were the odds that the horse would win place or show?
2012-12-17 02:13:58 PM  
1 vote:

Canton: . . .a stuffed rocking horse with a black item strapped to it. . .

Was it a saddle? I bet it was a saddle.

I hope it wasn't Daqwuan. His parents are looking for him.
2012-12-17 02:13:38 PM  
1 vote:
The citizens of Equestria are shocked at the treatment of this innocent tourist. One mare who refused to be indentified said that "This is the WORST possible thing!"
2012-12-17 02:10:44 PM  
1 vote:
One day, the cops are going to do this to a package that actually contains some kind of high-grade explosives and destroy an entire city block in the process.
2012-12-17 02:06:16 PM  
1 vote:
I'm sure that rocking horse was full of trojan terrorists. Disaster averted.
2012-12-17 02:05:24 PM  
1 vote:
Dammit, this is how we lost the unicorns.
2012-12-17 02:03:49 PM  
1 vote:

WizardofToast: Somebody better pony up for a new one.

Why? So that one can stirrup trouble, too?
2012-12-17 02:03:33 PM  
1 vote:
Uh oh... there are suspicious packages under my Christmas tree.
2012-12-17 02:02:48 PM  
1 vote:
Somebody better pony up for a new one.
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