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(Fark)   Fark's 2012 Headline of the Year contest, Round 3: June through August   ( ) divider line
    More: HOTY, Contests  
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5926 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Dec 2012 at 5:57 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-12-17 10:36:32 AM  
Hello and welcome to the third quarterfinals thread for Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2012. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the Totalfarkers vote on their favorites. These are the 10 top-voted headlines from June through August of this year as voted. Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round later. There will also be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs later: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business. The week after that we will have the voting threads for pun/wordplay headlines and the context headline of the year.
There are also some that you might not see here because either: 1) they've been moved to a separate contest, such as a context headline or one that's on a subtab, or 2) they didn't make it out of the voting threads in Totalfark. I'll link the redlit TF voting threads later on in this thread.
Please don't enable voting; the finalists for this period are set. Nothing wrong with sharing a favorite headline from this period, as long as you don't enable voting for it.xx So enjoy these and vote for the ones you like.
2012-12-17 10:37:42 AM  
14-year-old Snigdha Nandipati wins Scripps National Spelling Bee by correctly spelling Snigdha Nandipati
2012-12-17 10:37:59 AM  
A long-term study shows that bears will not attack a menstruating woman, but that a menstruating woman will attack damn near anything
2012-12-17 10:38:16 AM  
Al Qaeda is down to one senior leader; once al-Zawahiri is killed, they'll have to bring someone up from AAAl Qaeda
2012-12-17 10:38:44 AM  
Alcoholic sandwiches are now available. A TOAST
2012-12-17 10:39:03 AM  
Anderson Cooper comes out in favor of individual man date
2012-12-17 10:39:27 AM  
B - A - N - N - E - R - P - L - A - N - E - C - R - A - S - H - E - S - i - N - M - Y - R - T - L - E - B - E - A - C - H
2012-12-17 10:40:38 AM  
Bear eats corpse of convicted killer. I bet that was a *puts on sunglasses* Kodiak moment
2012-12-17 10:41:01 AM  
Beetles killing California's avocado trees; symptoms include white secretions from bark. I knew this day wood cum
2012-12-17 10:42:28 AM  
Boy to undergo genital reconstruction surgery after rifle accident left him half-cocked
2012-12-17 10:42:54 AM  
Burglar tangled up in window treatments discovers that sometimes justice is blinds
2012-12-17 10:43:16 AM  
Conga protest leaves two dead, future in limbo
2012-12-17 10:43:41 AM  
Enterprise damaged enroute to Intrepid. This is not a repeat from 2947.3
2012-12-17 10:44:06 AM  
Fireworks explode while man attempts to light homemade cannon. "It's no big deal" he said offhandedly
2012-12-17 10:44:29 AM  
First opera about the war in Iraq now being performed. Critics say it costs too much, lasts too long and at the end there is no way to get out of the theater
2012-12-17 10:45:39 AM  
"Hello everyone thank you for coming, I realize it's been a bit a rough year here at Al-Qaeda, which is why we're thrilled to announce our new #2 man Abu Yaha al...oh sonovabiatch not again"
2012-12-17 10:46:06 AM  
IKEA criticized for clear-cutting Russian old-growth forests. I didn't even know Russia had particleboard trees
2012-12-17 10:46:30 AM  
Man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers, succeeds
2012-12-17 10:46:52 AM  
Massachusetts' largest white oak killed. Police are rounding up all the black oaks in the area
2012-12-17 10:47:15 AM  
Mexico has a major drug problem. Also a general drug problem, and a lieutenant colonel drug problem
2012-12-17 10:47:35 AM  
"Missing woman with Alzheimer's found safe." Cool -- I wonder what was inside it
2012-12-17 10:47:55 AM  
Model sues Volvo, Hertz, and Ford because car ad inviting readers to "spend a night with a Swedish model of your choice" makes her look like a cheap Escort
2012-12-17 10:48:22 AM  
Mother-of-two disfigured by seven tumors on her face says, "Tumor would benign"
2012-12-17 10:52:48 AM  
Pair of human legs found near Butte; apparently still attached to Feete
2012-12-17 10:53:09 AM  
Passenger jet crashes into apartment building in Nigerian capitol. Over 150 princes, bank officials, widows, and generous cancer-stricken millionaires feared dead
2012-12-17 10:53:33 AM  
Retiree beats wife to death with Easter Island statue. "I faced it all and I stood tall and did it Moai way"
2012-12-17 10:53:55 AM  
Sydney brothel gets go-ahead from town planning council for multi-million dollar expansion into a "mega-brothel", upsetting local residents and activists who didn't want another Big-Box Store in their neighborhood
2012-12-17 10:56:49 AM  
Taliban leader Mullah Dadullah killed; Mullah Bobullah, Mullah Bananafana Fofullah, and Mullah Meemimomullah go into hiding. Dadullah
2012-12-17 10:58:59 AM  
Toddler drinks brake fluid for the second time this year. Claims not to be an addict; says he can stop any time
2012-12-17 10:59:21 AM  
Typhoon Haikui Strikes - East Coast of China Hit - Evacuate Now
2012-12-17 10:59:45 AM  
"What the gun control movement can learn from gay rights." Besides how to avoid being shot in the face
2012-12-17 11:02:23 AM  
For reference, these are the links from the preliminary contests (TF-only)
2012-12-17 12:55:46 PM  
There were also quite a few headlines that I enjoyed which didn't quite get enough votes to challenge this year, but I thought I'd share a few of my favorites with you:

Ikea hires translators to avoid sexually explicit product names. Subby will miss cleevlündsteemer duvet and cover sets

US Navy confirms that fire on nuclear sub USS Miami which caused $400 million in damage was started by a vacuum cleaner. Oh god, I have one of those in my house

Man drowns in Canobie Lake. The Force was not strong with this one

Mayor Bloomberg proposes public shaming of speeders, or as the rest of us call it, an official high score list

China's first female astronaut prepares for historic space docking on flight with two men. Subby is fairly certain he's seen this video already

Donald J. Sobol, Encyclopedia Brown author, dead at 87. Killer last seen running away putting the murder weapon in his left pants pocket with his right hand

Vapors blamed for man's death--but only after the apothecary ruled out consumption, ague, scrivener's palsy, lumbago, the French pox, scrofula, dropsy, mortification, and impetigo

Sea World patrons invited once again to Dine With Shamu, the killer whale who killed its trainer. They better hope that "n" never falls off the sign

A big solar storm is hitting the Earth today, but res&rchers say yo* shouldn't not/ce anything di%7erent

Hurricane Fabio's heaving winds move across the rolling bosom of the Pacific Ocean, but will likely exhaust itself long before reaching land

Spain's king loses WWF title over elephant hunt, expected to have another shot at it for WrestleMania XXIX

Syrian ministry spokesman Jihad Makdissi claims Syria's weapons of mass destruction will only be used against foreign aggressors. And if you can't trust a guy named 'Jihad' when he pledges restraint, who can you trust?

Onion products may be contaminated with listeria, says area man

Colorado shooter's apartment loaded with Boobies traps

Inventor of the treadmill dies at 96. Now that he is no longer in use, his body will be converted into a clothes hanger

Hey, does anybody want to try a bite of this new environmentally friendly snack bar made from insects? Anybody? *crickets*

Man wanted for stealing beer and cigarettes found sitting in lawn chair while drinking beer and smoking cigarette. Unclear if he owned chair

Six-year-old boy flying with father pulls landing gear lever just as plane touches down, retracting landing gear and putting plane on its belly. I'M HELPING

Authorities responding to medical emergency at American research station in Antarctica. Initial reports are confusing, mentioning traumatic double amputation resulting from teeth in thoracic cavity

Syrian jet crashes due to "technical problems." It was not immediately clear what caliber the technical problems were

Bull and cow get loose in North Las Vegas two weeks after the chimpanzees escaped and two years after the white tiger went over the wall. Subby declares Jumanji

Skeletal remains found at LaGuardia airport. Still no sign of the poor bastard's baggage

Dear Diary, Today at work I *successfully* collected semen from THREE meter-long crocodiles. You should have seen the looks in their eyes. SO glad I quit med school to follow my dreams. It's not a job when you love it. Later, Stumpy Joe

Amsterdam plane situation is NOT a situation. Authorities blame it on miscommunication between the tower and plane. Apparently, saying "Hi, Jaques" when greeting the tower operator is a bad move

New Jersey mail carrier uses route to deliver cocaine. Postal authorities become suspicious after the entire route was finished in 17 minutes

125 students in Harvard "Introduction to Congress" class are under investigation for cheating and plagiarism; students face expulsion and lucrative patronage jobs if found guilty
2012-12-17 01:01:58 PM  

Headline of the Year candidate: Al Qaeda is down to one senior leader; once al-Zawahiri is killed, they'll have to bring someone up from AAAl Qaeda

This one is my favorite of this lot.
2012-12-17 01:22:47 PM  
I remember I got schooled for posting this submission on the wrong date, but I'm surprised that this wasn't posted on the list of candidates: 

EU: 'So, we're ready to discuss your country joining the EU.' Montenegro: 'Wait, aren't you in the middle of collapsing?' EU: 'Montenegro, please'

/please vote
//not subby
//would (still) like to buy subby a beer though...that was funny.
2012-12-17 01:25:24 PM  
Strongest set of headlines so far IMO.
2012-12-17 01:30:05 PM  
Alcoholic sandwiches are now available. A TOAST

and the Kodiak moment are great
2012-12-17 01:35:04 PM  
Yeah, this set is pretty good. I'm disappointed that my own headlines didn't make it (really? child-eating disorders? nobody?) but at least there are some gems here.
2012-12-17 01:37:40 PM  
LOL that Al Qaeda loses #2 so often that there are 2 HOTY candidates in one round on the same topic.
2012-12-17 02:10:07 PM  

CokeBear: LOL that Al Qaeda loses #2 so often that there are 2 HOTY candidates in one round on the same topic.

Al-Hydra: Cut one head off, two more grow in its place.
2012-12-17 02:36:58 PM  
I think this is the strongest group so far. Lots of good headlines in this bunch.
2012-12-17 02:41:18 PM  
Kodiak Moment! Come on guys.

//White Oak and AAAlqueda are pretty funny though.
///Voted for those three and the Typhoon haiku headline
2012-12-17 02:57:52 PM  
Woohoo! Two of mine made this round.

/I have a sad, pathetic life, so I need little things like this to feel important
2012-12-17 02:59:07 PM  
"Tumor would benign" is just hilarious to me. The words are perfect for precisely this scenario.
2012-12-17 03:05:19 PM  

Headline of the Year candidate: Man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers, succeeds

This is the same joke as this headline from "round 1".

Zoo keeper enters pen to feed the lions, succeeds
2012-12-17 03:11:31 PM  

reported: Headline of the Year candidate: Man enters zoo enclosure to feed the tigers, succeeds

This is the same joke as this headline from "round 1".

Zoo keeper enters pen to feed the lions, succeeds

Not only that, a very similar headline was the runner-up in last year's contest. But then again, last year the winner had been a runner-up in 2010, so maybe this is how it works from now on.
2012-12-17 03:16:18 PM  

MooseMuffin: Strongest set of headlines so far IMO.


Not saying much, but true.

This batch did have some good ones, though.
2012-12-17 03:38:52 PM  
My Tom Cruise headline didn't make it?

2012-12-17 03:45:49 PM  

JuicePats: My Tom Cruise headline didn't make it?


Came up a bit short in the voting, I'm afraid.
2012-12-17 03:48:46 PM  

JuicePats: My Tom Cruise headline didn't make it?


Might be on the Entertainment subtab. Some stuff was cross-posted to main if the headline was good enough, but if it's a story from the Entertainment subtab, it's probably there.
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