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(io9)   The dumbest apocalypses that Hollywood has dreamed up. Yes, that's one's here. That one, too   (io9.com) divider line 63
    More: Fail, Hollywood, monster movies, low-budget films, Malcolm McDowell, Louis Leterrier, Eva Green, Hayden Christensen, Sandra Bernhard  
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8891 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 15 Dec 2012 at 1:27 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-14 11:05:22 PM  
Best part of 2012, IMHO.
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-14 11:58:47 PM  
I watched The Day After Tomorrow and for the life of me I don't know why.

Best part of that movie was when I yanked it out of the DVD player and gave it to the cats to play with. It wasn't even fun bad.
 
2012-12-15 12:18:12 AM  

trivial use of my dark powers: I watched The Day After Tomorrow and for the life of me I don't know why.

Best part of that movie was when I yanked it out of the DVD player and gave it to the cats to play with. It wasn't even fun bad.


This is the only reason to watch that movie, imo.

www.teenidols4you.com


Perfect Sense

Ewan McGregor and Eva Green celebrate the sensory apocalypse by having lots of sex and eating soap.


I may have to check that one out.


The Core

Here's some fun reading regarding that one:

INSULTINGLY STUPID MOVIE PHYSICS - The Core

It's the worst physics movie...ever....
 
2012-12-15 12:20:54 AM  
Ugh, The Core. What a terrible movie.
 
2012-12-15 12:48:44 AM  
I would love to see one where natural disasters started getting more and more extensive - earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. Something along the lines of The Day After.

But instead of global warming causing these catastrophes, it turns out to be all that gay sex and aborting. In the climax, our hero leads the entire earth in unison to pray away the gay. And it works! Millions of hairdressers, fashion consultants, and interior decorators immediately are repelled from each other, and go out to impregnate the daughters of rednecks, as God intended.

Keep a straight (hah!) enough face at the pitch meeting, and you might even be able to get the fundies to bankroll their own satire.

Who's with me?
 
2012-12-15 01:36:20 AM  
I think the plural of apocalypse should be apocali
 
2012-12-15 01:42:20 AM  
rickischultz.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-12-15 01:43:44 AM  

werekoala: I would love to see one where natural disasters started getting more and more extensive - earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. Something along the lines of The Day After.

But instead of global warming causing these catastrophes, it turns out to be all that gay sex and aborting. In the climax, our hero leads the entire earth in unison to pray away the gay. And it works! Millions of hairdressers, fashion consultants, and interior decorators immediately are repelled from each other, and go out to impregnate the daughters of rednecks, as God intended.

Keep a straight (hah!) enough face at the pitch meeting, and you might even be able to get the fundies to bankroll their own satire.

Who's with me?


Only if Tom Cruise stars.
 
2012-12-15 01:56:35 AM  

TheManofPA: werekoala: I would love to see one where natural disasters started getting more and more extensive - earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. Something along the lines of The Day After.

But instead of global warming causing these catastrophes, it turns out to be all that gay sex and aborting. In the climax, our hero leads the entire earth in unison to pray away the gay. And it works! Millions of hairdressers, fashion consultants, and interior decorators immediately are repelled from each other, and go out to impregnate the daughters of rednecks, as God intended.

Keep a straight (hah!) enough face at the pitch meeting, and you might even be able to get the fundies to bankroll their own satire.

Who's with me?

Only if Tom Cruise stars.


Book it. Done.
 
2012-12-15 01:59:05 AM  

Obiwontaun: TheManofPA: werekoala: I would love to see one where natural disasters started getting more and more extensive - earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. Something along the lines of The Day After.

But instead of global warming causing these catastrophes, it turns out to be all that gay sex and aborting. In the climax, our hero leads the entire earth in unison to pray away the gay. And it works! Millions of hairdressers, fashion consultants, and interior decorators immediately are repelled from each other, and go out to impregnate the daughters of rednecks, as God intended.

Keep a straight (hah!) enough face at the pitch meeting, and you might even be able to get the fundies to bankroll their own satire.

Who's with me?

Only if Tom Cruise stars.

Book it. Done.


I'm pretty sure Kirk Cameron is already filming this.
 
2012-12-15 02:00:16 AM  

Crudbucket: Obiwontaun: TheManofPA: werekoala: I would love to see one where natural disasters started getting more and more extensive - earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. Something along the lines of The Day After.

But instead of global warming causing these catastrophes, it turns out to be all that gay sex and aborting. In the climax, our hero leads the entire earth in unison to pray away the gay. And it works! Millions of hairdressers, fashion consultants, and interior decorators immediately are repelled from each other, and go out to impregnate the daughters of rednecks, as God intended.

Keep a straight (hah!) enough face at the pitch meeting, and you might even be able to get the fundies to bankroll their own satire.

Who's with me?

Only if Tom Cruise stars.

Book it. Done.

I'm pretty sure Kirk Cameron is already filming this.


Yeah, but he thinks it's a true story so we need a fictional account
 
2012-12-15 02:00:23 AM  
This was The Core before The Core. Basically, there's a billionaire industrialist who has developed the ultimate laser for use in mining operations. Because it can cut through anything. The creator of the machine warns that it could cause Earthshaking consequences, because it's too good at lasering, and won't stop until it lasers to the center of the Earth. So he destroys his machine. But years later, someone recreates the ultimate laser, and indeed there are a string of disasters including earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanic eruptions. So a team of scientists have to go to the center of the Earth and set off some nukes. But a bad guy decides to sabotage their mission for the Chinese military. Guest-starring Star Trek's Terry Farrell and Wil Wheaton!

And yet, a little hydraulic fracturing produces earthquakes in Oklahoma. Maybe Terry Farrell and Wil Wheaton were right!

werekoala: I would love to see one where natural disasters started getting more and more extensive - earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, etc. Something along the lines of The Day After.

But instead of global warming causing these catastrophes, it turns out to be all that gay sex and aborting. In the climax, our hero leads the entire earth in unison to pray away the gay. And it works! Millions of hairdressers, fashion consultants, and interior decorators immediately are repelled from each other, and go out to impregnate the daughters of rednecks, as God intended.

Keep a straight (hah!) enough face at the pitch meeting, and you might even be able to get the fundies to bankroll their own satire.

Who's with me?


I believe they've already made that movie. It's called Left Behind.
 
2012-12-15 02:22:23 AM  
i.imgur.com

There is a new type of power that comes from space satellites and it is shot by laser to batteries on the ground. But one of the batteries has a hole in it and the power leaked out and made a MAGNETIC TORNADO
 
2012-12-15 02:25:00 AM  

trivial use of my dark powers: I watched The Day After Tomorrow and for the life of me I don't know why.

Best part of that movie was when I yanked it out of the DVD player and gave it to the cats to play with. It wasn't even fun bad.


I watched it with some buddies in Germany. We had a rule that if one of us suggested a bad movie, the others would make him do push-ups. We walked out of that movie and Adam, who had suggested it, didn't even wait for us to make him; he just dropped and started doing push-ups.
 
2012-12-15 02:28:35 AM  
what? what is this shiat? not one of these is a Samuel S. Bronkowitz production FAIL
 
2012-12-15 02:30:37 AM  
"Knowing' has to be the worst apocalypse of all time, not because the solar flare thing was bad necessarily, but because Nicolas Cage didn't die sooner.
 
2012-12-15 02:53:30 AM  
The Core sucked.

However, Paul Preuss' Core, the book the movie was very, very loosely based on, was actually kind of good at times and had almost believable science in it.

/Fell apart towards the end, though.
 
2012-12-15 03:17:42 AM  
www.bunspace.com

farm8.staticflickr.com
 
2012-12-15 03:18:27 AM  

JRoo: [www.bunspace.com image 400x299]

[farm8.staticflickr.com image 500x374]


That was one shiatty day.
 
2012-12-15 03:46:11 AM  
No Birdemic: Shock and Terror on the list? The list is a failure without it.
 
2012-12-15 03:48:58 AM  
"Time Zones

Changing gears slightly, this is a movie that's in the pipeline right now. Marc Guggenheim (Arrow, FlashForward, Green Lantern) is writing this Disney movie about a catastrophe that causes the world to fracture into different time zones. So in France, it's 1750. In New York, it's the mid-21st century and in China it's 300 B.C. A guy has to race against time, while also racing through time, to save his already dead wife - because "time travel is now a matter of geography."" 

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-15 03:58:49 AM  
 
2012-12-15 04:08:51 AM  
*blows into a gum wrapper over a cell phone*

now you have free long distance, forever.

/also, I don't think Perfect Sense was that bad.
 
2012-12-15 04:38:56 AM  

sprawl15: [i.imgur.com image 400x301]

There is a new type of power that comes from space satellites and it is shot by laser to batteries on the ground. But one of the batteries has a hole in it and the power leaked out and made a MAGNETIC TORNADO


Isn't that the plot of Blondie's Rapture?
 
2012-12-15 04:39:58 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Ugh, The Core. What a terrible movie.


I tend to pay attention to writers more than directors and producers when it comes to movies, because it seems that some writers are always better than others and understand pacing, plot, characters and dialogue, and other writers are just lazy, stupid oafs....

The writers who penned The Core also wrote Catwoman and Transformers....

I am never farking watching anything by those farking hacks ever again.
 
2012-12-15 04:43:53 AM  
Perfect Sense was actually very, very good and Max Richter should've won an Oscar for his score to it.
 
2012-12-15 04:46:25 AM  
/you know, if it was all original stuff and was eligible and whatnot
//the end theme "Luminous" is still heartbreaking
 
2012-12-15 04:52:15 AM  
2012 was a shiatty movie, but epic disaster porn.
 
2012-12-15 05:11:17 AM  

Ishkur: The writers who penned The Core also wrote Catwoman and Transformers....


Where you git your data? One guy was involved in all three but Transformers was a rewrite by the guys who went on to do Star Trek
 
2012-12-15 05:12:19 AM  
2012 was the worst movie in history.
 
2012-12-15 05:14:32 AM  

trivial use of my dark powers: I watched The Day After Tomorrow and for the life of me I don't know why.

Best part of that movie was when I yanked it out of the DVD player and gave it to the cats to play with. It wasn't even fun bad.


Whaa? That movie is clearly in the "So Bad It's Awesome" category. CGI wolves! Running from the weather! Falling through the roof of a Wendy's! It's silly awesome.
 
2012-12-15 05:15:22 AM  
Changing gears slightly, this is a movie that's in the pipeline right now. Marc Guggenheim (Arrow, FlashForward, Green Lantern) is writing this Disney movie about a catastrophe that causes the world to fracture into different time zones. So in France, it's 1750. In New York, it's the mid-21st century and in China it's 300 B.C. A guy has to race against time, while also racing through time, to save his already dead wife - because "time travel is now a matter of geography."

Changing gears slightly, this is a movie that's in the pipeline right now. Marc Guggenheim (Arrow, FlashForward, Green Lantern) is writing this Disney movie about a catastrophe that causes the world to fracture into different time zones. So in France, it's 1750. In New York, it's the mid-21st century and in China it's 300 B.C. A guy has to race against time, while also racing through time, to save his already dead wife - because "time travel is now a matter of geography."

Changing gears slightly, this is a movie that's in the pipeline right now. Marc Guggenheim (Arrow, FlashForward, Green Lantern) is writing this Disney movie about a catastrophe that causes the world to fracture into different time zones. So in France, it's 1750. In New York, it's the mid-21st century and in China it's 300 B.C. A guy has to race against time, while also racing through time, to save his already dead wife - because "time travel is now a matter of geography."
lh5.googleusercontent.com


/this.movie.mkae.stupidr
 
2012-12-15 05:16:41 AM  

moothemagiccow: Where you git your data? One guy was involved in all three but Transformers was a rewrite by the guys who went on to do Star Trek


Ah, so that's why Star Trek made no farking sense.
 
2012-12-15 05:35:42 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-12-15 05:57:03 AM  
The Core is worth watching for the Shuttle Crash, I think that might be the reason I got nearly three quaters of the way through it, I kept thinking it might get better. The Lasers that make stuff disappear were comical though.
 
2012-12-15 06:06:48 AM  

albuquerquehalsey: "Time Zones

Changing gears slightly, this is a movie that's in the pipeline right now. Marc Guggenheim (Arrow, FlashForward, Green Lantern) is writing this Disney movie about a catastrophe that causes the world to fracture into different time zones. So in France, it's 1750. In New York, it's the mid-21st century and in China it's 300 B.C. A guy has to race against time, while also racing through time, to save his already dead wife - because "time travel is now a matter of geography."" 

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 450x585]


Wow, I thought everyone had forgotten about that game. I've been thinking about running it for my current group.
 
2012-12-15 06:47:58 AM  
The Core is one of my guilty pleasures. Years of watching MST3K and rifftrax has instilled in me a deep love of terrible cinema. But the movie is truly awful.

And Day After Tomorrow has a really good rifftrax.
 
2012-12-15 06:54:19 AM  
How in blazes did Sunshine not make it on that list?

/get it, "blazes"?
 
2012-12-15 07:02:22 AM  
I would like to be part of the snu snu Apocalypse pls.
 
2012-12-15 07:08:35 AM  

chewielouie: [upload.wikimedia.org image 500x766]


Mandating that everyone bathe at least once a week always seemed profligate in the face of the apocalypse.

Love that movie though. Best apocalypse RV EVAR.

It was axial tilt that done it in that one right?
 
2012-12-15 08:17:12 AM  
d27fcql9yjk2c0.cloudfront.net

/got nothin, but I found a funny picture for it. Isn't this how all the women in those movies dress? //Because when you survive the end of the world, what matters is finding clothes that flatter your figure
 
2012-12-15 08:26:52 AM  

The All-Powerful Atheismo: JRoo: [www.bunspace.com image 400x299]

[farm8.staticflickr.com image 500x374]

That was one shiatty day.


Ha! I know how to escape the killer rabbits! They can't swim! They CAN"T SWIM! We're saved! We're save---arrrghgghghghh...!!!."
 
2012-12-15 08:49:48 AM  
How do I sign up for the Eva Green apocalypse? I'd &^%* her senseless, and I wouldn't care how many cameras were rolling.
 
2012-12-15 09:10:56 AM  
Actually, the God Particle sounds interesting even if the physics behind it suck. I've often wondered how the people on the ISS would live out the last days of their lives if they knew they couldn't go home. Of course, Hollywood will probably screw that part of it up as well.

/I suppose there is an infinitesimally small but non-zero chance the entire earth could decay at any point in time into a large lump of strange matter
//Also, no love for older Sci Fi like When Worlds Collide?
 
2012-12-15 09:32:48 AM  
Suffered through this one -
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-15 09:37:23 AM  

albuquerquehalsey: "Time Zones

Changing gears slightly, this is a movie that's in the pipeline right now. Marc Guggenheim (Arrow, FlashForward, Green Lantern) is writing this Disney movie about a catastrophe that causes the world to fracture into different time zones. So in France, it's 1750. In New York, it's the mid-21st century and in China it's 300 B.C. A guy has to race against time, while also racing through time, to save his already dead wife - because "time travel is now a matter of geography."" 

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 450x585]

Good reference!
 
2012-12-15 09:41:48 AM  
Al Gore and the Total Fark left insisted that we all go see the Day After Tomorrow. It was what was to happen if Bush was re-elected.
 
2012-12-15 09:48:07 AM  
TFA: "It's about a father who has to search for his lost child as the world stops spinning and Earth begins to lose its gravity."

Because gravity works that way.
 
2012-12-15 09:57:43 AM  

Whatever it's misgivings, this scene from Knowing was really farking cool...

Really farking Cool
 
2012-12-15 09:58:22 AM  

johnnygew: Suffered through this one -
[4.bp.blogspot.com image 850x638]


Yes, but you got Kirsten Dunst boobs.
 
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