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(Yahoo)   Suicide bomber fails to kill any targets, wounds three, will get prorated 12 goats and a loose adulteress in heaven   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 69
    More: Fail, suicide bombers, Somalia, al-Shabab, car bombs, Mogadishu, African Union  
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5242 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Dec 2012 at 2:25 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



69 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-12-14 11:08:18 AM  
More than what he had down here.

Praise Allah.
 
2012-12-14 11:40:19 AM  
I guess you could say he went out with a bang.
 
2012-12-14 11:43:00 AM  
The important part of the headline is "suicide bomber"

/that part worked like a charm
 
2012-12-14 11:51:05 AM  
So, really one target?
 
2012-12-14 12:01:08 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: More than what he had down here.

Praise Allah.


done in one.
 
2012-12-14 12:09:55 PM  
To repeat a tired but relevant cliche:

"And nothing of value was lost."
 
2012-12-14 12:10:14 PM  
www.jugglingcats.com

Was he driving a Volkswagen?
 
2012-12-14 12:32:55 PM  
[Imokwiththis.jpg]
 
2012-12-14 12:45:28 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: The important part of the headline is "suicide bomber"

/that part worked like a charm


Yeah, I'd say he was successful.
 
2012-12-14 02:29:16 PM  
hah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

oh subby you brightened an otherwise depressing day.

+10 for you
 
2012-12-14 02:30:01 PM  
Ever notice that it's always the low man on the totem pole that has to do the suicide bombings? None of the leaders ever get out and do that shiat.

REG: Solidarity, brother.
BRIAN: Oh, yes. Solidarity, Reg.
 
2012-12-14 02:31:21 PM  
Once a loser, always a loser.
 
2012-12-14 02:33:35 PM  
if it weren't for the 3 he wounded, I would've gone with the Amusing tag.
 
2012-12-14 02:34:21 PM  
AW, c'mon guys, he just needs a second chance! He'll get it right, next time!
 
2012-12-14 02:37:35 PM  
Finished last in his class at SBU.
 
2MS
2012-12-14 02:37:59 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: More than what he had down here.

Praise Allah.


And, once again you remind me why I have you favorited.
 
2012-12-14 02:38:08 PM  
profile.ak.fbcdn.net

It's not funny!
 
2012-12-14 02:38:18 PM  
images2.wikia.nocookie.net

"The moral of this story is, don't buy your explosives from ACME."
 
2012-12-14 02:38:41 PM  
Oh, I needed a laugh today. Thanks, subby.
 
2012-12-14 02:39:12 PM  

uncleacid: Finished last in his class at SBU.


They don't have a very good record, but SBU's football games are a blast!
 
2012-12-14 02:40:16 PM  
ha @ the 10 second 'simulpost'
 
2012-12-14 02:42:36 PM  
So I guess he won't be getting his severance pay now?
He didn't complete his task.
 
2012-12-14 02:47:43 PM  
cig-mkr I'd say he got his 'severance' pay in full.
 
2012-12-14 02:48:24 PM  
Good thing he was a suicide bomber, not a homicide bomber.
 
2012-12-14 02:49:56 PM  
But I was told in all of the school shooting threads that making a bomb and killing lots of people was just as easy as using a gun.
 
2012-12-14 02:50:01 PM  
+1 subby.
 
2012-12-14 02:50:06 PM  

Dr Dreidel: [profile.ak.fbcdn.net image 129x129]

It's not funny!


He had a "premature detonation".

/SILENCE!
 
2012-12-14 02:52:55 PM  
I'd rather have one loose adultress than 20 stuck-up virgins any day.
 
2012-12-14 02:55:01 PM  
One down, 1.6 billion to go.
 
2012-12-14 02:55:19 PM  

cefm: I'd rather have one loose adultress than 20 stuck-up virgins any day.


This.

Or, a virgin that has been taught tricks by an adultress.

Then again...

static.tvtome.com
 
2012-12-14 03:00:08 PM  

The Stealth Hippopotamus: More than what he had down here.

Praise Allah.


But what will he do once he stones the adulteress and has deflowered all the goats?
 
2012-12-14 03:01:11 PM  
Plus now he has to eat bacon and pork chops
 
2012-12-14 03:03:28 PM  
So here we have a suicide bomber that is actually not a homicide bomber. How is Fox News going to describe this?
 
2012-12-14 03:03:36 PM  

Odd Bird: if it weren't for the 3 he wounded, I would've gone with the Amusing tag.


Depending on what the wounds are, I still might. Anything less than a broken limb, I'm kind of OK with.
 
2012-12-14 03:04:04 PM  
What the suicide bombers don't realize is that their 72 virgins are all big, hairy guys.

With enormous wangs.
 
2012-12-14 03:04:19 PM  

angryjd: So here we have a suicide bomber that is actually not a homicide bomber. How is Fox News going to describe this?


attempted homicide bomber
 
2012-12-14 03:05:25 PM  

CygnusDarius: cefm: I'd rather have one loose adultress than 20 stuck-up virgins any day.

This.

Or, a virgin that has been taught tricks by an adultress.

Then again...

[static.tvtome.com image 450x254]


There is no word for "fails to kill any targets" in Dothraki
 
2012-12-14 03:11:01 PM  

Ivo Shandor: Good thing he was a suicide bomber, not a homicide bomber.


good thing.

thanks for the chuckle.
 
2012-12-14 03:11:40 PM  
I'm not a farmer or an Arab dude. So I don't really know what I'd do with some goats. So I guess I would see about trading them for some crack and booze.
Then me an the loose adulteress could have a really good weekend in Vegas.

/what does one do with goats?
 
2012-12-14 03:12:51 PM  

Gonz: Odd Bird: if it weren't for the 3 he wounded, I would've gone with the Amusing tag.

Depending on what the wounds are, I still might. Anything less than a broken limb, I'm kind of OK with.


There's a touch of Russian Roulette there. "I got blown up by a suicide bomber and all I got was a black eye and a mouth full of minced idiot"
 
2012-12-14 03:13:41 PM  
The ultimate insult is the guy in the background pissing on the burning wreck.



/Well, it kinda looks like that.
 
2012-12-14 03:13:49 PM  
Makes me wonder though. Maybe this guy got set up? Maybe the other terrorists were like, "Man, Ahmed just wouldn't shut up about all the virgins he's going to get. Let's give him the shiatty bomb, that'll show him."
 
2012-12-14 03:17:45 PM  

DownDaRiver: I'm not a farmer or an Arab dude. So I don't really know what I'd do with some goats. So I guess I would see about trading them for some crack and booze.
Then me an the loose adulteress could have a really good weekend in Vegas.

/what does one do with goats?


You could bring the goats with you. Have you tried asking the adulteress if she has some ideas for what to do with the goats?
 
2012-12-14 03:20:33 PM  

cefm: I'd rather have one loose adultress than 20 stuck-up virgins any day.


Yeah really. What religion offers MILFs in heaven?
 
2012-12-14 03:25:45 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: cefm: I'd rather have one loose adultress than 20 stuck-up virgins any day.

Yeah really. What religion offers MILFs in heaven?


Asatru, no way chicks serving mead in a viking hall are chaste.
 
2012-12-14 03:25:50 PM  

Glancing Blow: The ultimate insult is the guy in the background pissing on the burning wreck.



/Well, it kinda looks like that.


He must do some extreme kegels- look at that stream.
 
2012-12-14 03:27:16 PM  
Seventy two? Osama told me ninety-nine!

/Postal
 
2012-12-14 03:30:52 PM  
Fark 72 virgins... Can I have 36 sluts and we call it a day?
 
2012-12-14 03:33:21 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: cefm: I'd rather have one loose adultress than 20 stuck-up virgins any day.

Yeah really. What religion offers MILFs in heaven?


I call dibs on Ava Devine. She looks like one of the few porn starts that enjoy her job.
 
2012-12-14 03:34:30 PM  

cgraves67: But what will he do once he stones the adulteress and has deflowered all the goats?


It's Heaven! You get to do it all again the next day!
 
2012-12-14 03:40:33 PM  
The guy in the middle of the picture looks like Puff Daddy.
 
2012-12-14 03:47:24 PM  
Back when Israel was getting hit every other day (pre-wall), there were a few bombers that were incompetent. People would see a dude crossing the street and he'd suddenly explode, head going vertical, everything else all over, no one else hurt. Other than the clean-up, that must have been amusing.
 
2012-12-14 04:00:24 PM  
Thanks subby!!! I needed a laugh. Your headline is hilarious.
 
2012-12-14 04:02:10 PM  

JohnAnnArbor: Back when Israel was getting hit every other day (pre-wall), there were a few bombers that were incompetent.


I remember reading interviews with failed suicide bombers who were caught and in Israeli prisons. Not surprisingly most of them weren't that bright. I was surprised that a good number of them weren't particularly religious, at least to the extent you would think of a radical fanatic.
 
2012-12-14 04:06:04 PM  

Arkanaut: DownDaRiver: I'm not a farmer or an Arab dude. So I don't really know what I'd do with some goats. So I guess I would see about trading them for some crack and booze.
Then me an the loose adulteress could have a really good weekend in Vegas.

/what does one do with goats?

You could bring the goats with you. Have you tried asking the adulteress if she has some ideas for what to do with the goats?


Hey, who am I to stand in the way of anothers indulgence.
If she so wishes, we wil bring a goat or two.


/i think I'll just watch
 
2012-12-14 04:06:38 PM  

DrewCurtisJr: JohnAnnArbor: Back when Israel was getting hit every other day (pre-wall), there were a few bombers that were incompetent.

I remember reading interviews with failed suicide bombers who were caught and in Israeli prisons. Not surprisingly most of them weren't that bright. I was surprised that a good number of them weren't particularly religious, at least to the extent you would think of a radical fanatic.


I don't think religion is the primary motivator in most cases, actually. I think they are just plain angry. The religion just excuses or encourages self-sacrificing behavior, and terrorist organizations twist the anger and the martyrdom into an evil little package.
 
2012-12-14 04:07:58 PM  
It's the holy grail of fail
 
2012-12-14 04:08:52 PM  

DrewCurtisJr: JohnAnnArbor: Back when Israel was getting hit every other day (pre-wall), there were a few bombers that were incompetent.

I remember reading interviews with failed suicide bombers who were caught and in Israeli prisons. Not surprisingly most of them weren't that bright. I was surprised that a good number of them weren't particularly religious, at least to the extent you would think of a radical fanatic.


One I read about was truly sad. She was scarred from a terrible burn, so she was going to an Israeli hospital for free treatments (those terrible Jews!); she had been to this hospital several times before. She was stopped at the border for a search, hit the button (they're told to do that if caught to at least get SOMEONE dead), nothing happened. She later told her interviewers that she had intended to blow herself up near the neonatal ward, if possible. Then she wondered how mad the Israelis would be with her. (A bit, though she still gets free medical care.) She told about what she had been promised in paradise: to be the lead of the 72 whores for one of the male suicide bombers. Truly sick.
 
2012-12-14 04:14:39 PM  
JohnAnnArbor:
Back when Israel was getting hit every other day (pre-wall), there were a few bombers that were incompetent. People would see a dude crossing the street and he'd suddenly explode, head going vertical, everything else all over, no one else hurt. Other than the clean-up, that must have been amusing.

I'm gonna guess... no. Not amusing.
 
2012-12-14 04:17:13 PM  

JohnAnnArbor: DrewCurtisJr: JohnAnnArbor: Back when Israel was getting hit every other day (pre-wall), there were a few bombers that were incompetent.

I remember reading interviews with failed suicide bombers who were caught and in Israeli prisons. Not surprisingly most of them weren't that bright. I was surprised that a good number of them weren't particularly religious, at least to the extent you would think of a radical fanatic.

One I read about was truly sad. She was scarred from a terrible burn, so she was going to an Israeli hospital for free treatments (those terrible Jews!); she had been to this hospital several times before. She was stopped at the border for a search, hit the button (they're told to do that if caught to at least get SOMEONE dead), nothing happened. She later told her interviewers that she had intended to blow herself up near the neonatal ward, if possible. Then she wondered how mad the Israelis would be with her. (A bit, though she still gets free medical care.) She told about what she had been promised in paradise: to be the lead of the 72 whores for one of the male suicide bombers. Truly sick.


There's also the (in)famous story of a 13 or 15-year old Palestinian boy who approached an Israeli checkpoint wearing a vest which failed to detonate. Turns out the kid was high-functioning, but very learning-disabled (and before the snark, it was IIRC a Hamas-backed group who recruited him and built the bomb).

The kid wasn't even aware that his vest was a weapon that would kill him and others.

The combination of poverty, illiteracy, religious extremism (even if the people aren't, TPTB are, and they have influence) and having a convenient scapegoat (accurate or not) is a dangerous one.
 
2012-12-14 04:48:50 PM  
p.bfram.es 
"As you can see the man to my right is terminally stupid, please rescue me from these morons"
 
2012-12-14 04:49:50 PM  

Hoblit: cig-mkr I'd say he got his 'severance' pay in full.


Literally.
 
2012-12-14 04:50:00 PM  

Mega Steve: Ever notice that it's always the low man on the totem pole that has to do the suicide bombings? None of the leaders ever get out and do that shiat.

REG: Solidarity, brother.
BRIAN: Oh, yes. Solidarity, Reg.


Well, nobody SMART is going to agree to do it, you know?
 
2012-12-14 05:08:27 PM  
May he receive 72 goatses. Peace be upon him.
 
2012-12-14 05:32:13 PM  
he should have practiced at home a few times first.
 
2012-12-14 08:01:35 PM  
Virgin goats tho, right?
 
2012-12-14 08:43:47 PM  
Note to potential suicide bombers. There was a typo. As it turns out, you don't "get" 72 virgins, you become one of them.

Sorry.
 
2012-12-15 12:25:02 AM  
Brother, I'm already there.

/5 goat farms on 'forge of empires'
//Swingers party tomorrow night
///And on the seventh day he rested
\Bless you slashies
 
2012-12-16 01:22:50 AM  
12 goats? AT THE SAME TIME?!
 
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