FARK.com: (7486090) Office holiday party tips from a sassy gay man, like the kind you've seen on TV

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		Office holiday party tips from a sassy gay man, like the kind you've seen on TV (huffingtonpost.com)		49
		More: Amusing, best friends, gays, Scissor Sisters

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6117 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Dec 2012 at 9:02 AM | Favorite | share:

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Glenford		2012-12-14 09:06:13 AM

I read the headline as 'gassy man' and was intrigued until I clicked the link.

topcon		2012-12-14 09:09:33 AM

Sorry, but I only take party tips from sassy fake-gay men.

i.imgur.com

THX 1138		2012-12-14 09:11:12 AM

oldfarthenry		2012-12-14 09:11:24 AM

Karen? Hello? Sassy gay man attempting to be sassy here!

bugmn99		2012-12-14 09:11:26 AM

At this year's office party, my very drunk director and I ended up in a discussion about how it would be funny to dress our balls up like reindeer and chase our wives around on Christmas Eve. I must fail.

/serious contender for a promotion at this point

Harry Freakstorm		2012-12-14 09:15:50 AM

From a non-gay man

!. Avoid them. The best way is the 'something came up at the last moment' excuse. "Yep. Ready to go. Oh wait. Something came up at the last moment. I'll catch up." Swipe candy from the office candy bowls while everyone is gone. They'll blame the cleaners.

2. Arrive late. Like right when everything is slowing down. You'll be remembered as attending and you can have you pick of the really desperate, already drunk ladies.

3. Never volunteer to arrange the Christmas Party. It will be your fault the Customer Service Rep lady got drunk and went off with that slimebag AS/400 programmer who sits in the computer room all day compiling jobs on DSP01 and slowing the system down.

4. Offer to help clean up. Free booze and food to stock pile and a chance to hit on the hawt caterers.

Carn		2012-12-14 09:15:52 AM

The guy that wrote that article sounded pretty biatchy.

oldfarthenry		2012-12-14 09:17:02 AM

bugmn99: At this year's office party, my very drunk director and I ended up in a discussion about how it would be funny to dress our balls up like reindeer and chase our wives around on Christmas Eve.

Um, Mrs. Henry has several large nutcrackers on guard to quell such behaviour.
My balls hurt just thinking about these monsters.

Diogenes		2012-12-14 09:18:10 AM

Kind of a dud for gay dude.

Last year I got blind drunk at our party, took a dump in the punch bowl, and bent Santa over the sink in the bathroom and had my way with him. And you know what? It was a memorable party. All because of me.

Farce-Side		2012-12-14 09:19:34 AM

All this advice sounds really terrible for my office Christmas parties. Then again, I'm married, I'm not gay, and I don't live in NY so, that might be a determining factor.

ModernLuddite		2012-12-14 09:20:59 AM

A gay Christmas party sounds kinda fun.

Summoner101		2012-12-14 09:21:09 AM

oldfarthenry: bugmn99: At this year's office party, my very drunk director and I ended up in a discussion about how it would be funny to dress our balls up like reindeer and chase our wives around on Christmas Eve.

Um, Mrs. Henry has several large nutcrackers on guard to quell such behaviour.
My balls hurt just thinking about these monsters.

Some people seem to take their sex toys very serious. Holiday themes? Jeez.

loki see loki do		2012-12-14 09:23:55 AM

I thought gay fellas were supposed to be fun.

/thanks a lot, Mr. biatchy Buzzkill.
//and remember to fark the girl from graphics on the presidents desk.
///more memorable than a 3% raise.

Cheron		2012-12-14 09:24:49 AM

I leave everything in your car. Go in, mingle, be seen and then just melt away. These are not your friends, at best they are your competitors.

Diogenes		2012-12-14 09:29:33 AM

ModernLuddite: A gay Christmas party sounds kinda fun.

I used to belong to a local gay club. The Christmas parties were the best. Especially Secret Santa.

sotua		2012-12-14 09:34:37 AM

I have mine tonight to I'm getting a kick...

Actually, I'm not. I hate night office parties. If you want to do something nice for us the employees, do it on your time, not ours. Host a nice lunch. Don't mess with our after-work time.

/new job so I'm attending. Do it for the first year, skip it ever after.

robohobo		2012-12-14 09:35:24 AM

Who's sassier? Homosexual men or fat black women? There can be only one.

AtomPeepers		2012-12-14 09:35:54 AM

This just seemed like a normal gay dude with some reasonable tips about how to keep your job and have a bit of fun at the Christmas party.

I demand more SASSY!!!

LikeALeafOnTheWind		2012-12-14 09:41:02 AM

I totally read that as Gassy gay.. i dont think we need his advice.

rogue_L_chick		2012-12-14 09:42:10 AM

In my former field, the last two companies I worked for ended up cancelling the holiday parties because of "deplorable behavior" (I was not directly responsible, but didn't exactly help the situation, either.)

Now? Bland turkey and terrible dressing sitting in chafing dishes for 3 hours, waiting for the minute one can run and grab some food, and go back to their desk to eat and work.

NashMcNash		2012-12-14 09:51:33 AM

Had our company party last night at a local restaurant. Got pretty drunk and sang a Meat Loaf song karaoke. Power move. Went home and cried.

robohobo		2012-12-14 09:53:20 AM

My office Christmas party is just my mother-in-law and I getting sauced on the couch.

/good times

wellreadneck		2012-12-14 09:55:49 AM

I'm sure you meant "girl friend" instead of "girlfriend". "Fag hag" would be succinct, but "fruit fly" would probably be a more appropriate in an article bemoaning breeder faux pas.

Savage Bacon		2012-12-14 09:56:04 AM

So, is this a new thing? Putting snarky asides in hashtag form, like "(#fashionfail)" as if you're on Twitter?

All this does is make him look like some party recluse who just sits at the bar typing updates on everything he sees, softly cackling to himself and taking smug, yet sensible sips of his third Manhattan.

One wonders if this guy can manage to have any fun that doesn't stem from ridiculing others.

pute kisses like a man		2012-12-14 09:58:15 AM

once when i worked for a company, I had to organize the christmas party and give a large presentation. it was not fun. fortunately, I didn't prepare for the presentation at all, had someone else make the power point presentation, and just drank a bunch before it was my time. winged it, made jokes, said stuff, kept people entertained, didn't say anything that matters. i think it was a success.

/ i had already put in my notice, i was leaving to go to grad school. it's really liberating to work someone place for a long time while on notice that you're leaving.

hstein3		2012-12-14 10:02:54 AM

Oh, let's see here:

Don't Dress Inappropriately - Since it's held in the middle of the work day around here, I'm not sure this is possible.

Don't Get Drunk - Work-day potluck with a no booze policy? I don't think that'll be an issue.

No Flirting (Not Even With the Help) - Yeah, not an issue, not in these parts.

Don't Talk Sh*t in the Bathroom - This must be a tip for the ladies; you could hear a pin drop in the men's room.

Tick TOck Goes the Clock - I prefer the "not showing up" option. Problem solved.

jennies1897		2012-12-14 10:04:41 AM

I was out super late last night for a concert. It was awesome. New job, I should go to the Christmas party tonight, but I probably won't.

bugmn99		2012-12-14 10:07:54 AM

Savage Bacon: So, is this a new thing? Putting snarky asides in hashtag form, like "(#fashionfail)" as if you're on Twitter?

All this does is make him look like some party recluse who just sits at the bar typing updates on everything he sees, softly cackling to himself and taking smug, yet sensible sips of his third Manhattan.

One wonders if this guy can manage to have any fun that doesn't stem from ridiculing others.

He does, but it involves a lot of sodomy.

satorivt		2012-12-14 10:10:18 AM

My christmas party is a two hour affair this afternoon where we go say to the big wigs and grab a couple of snacks, no alcohol, dj, music, or fun. Then we head back to our desk to work.

fireclown		2012-12-14 10:14:23 AM

robohobo: Who's sassier? Homosexual men or fat black women? There can be only one.

guyism.com

SASSY!

fireclown		2012-12-14 10:16:58 AM

Ours kind of sucks. Fellow farkers hear my call: we're a company of about 20 people, and there will be some families present. THe party is lunch, at the end of a half day. What can I do to make this not suck big donkey balls. Difficulty: no balls of any kind.

Sultan Of Herf		2012-12-14 10:24:58 AM

Savage Bacon: So, is this a new thing? Putting snarky asides in hashtag form, like "(#fashionfail)" as if you're on Twitter?

That irked me as well...everything that is Twitter is bad enough, but writing Twitter style in other forms of media is just...well it comes off as trying to hard, and even a bit hipster.

As far as my company xmas party...I dont go. No one from my shift goes. We are 3rd shift and they do the party at 2pm on a weekday. Right at the change between 1st and 2nd shift. They get to go to the party and get paid for it, and they would already be there anyways so no inconvenience. People on my shift would have to interrupt our sleep and drive to work for it. Then have to come back to work that night. No thanks.

Diogenes		2012-12-14 10:29:18 AM

fireclown: Ours kind of sucks. Fellow farkers hear my call: we're a company of about 20 people, and there will be some families present. THe party is lunch, at the end of a half day. What can I do to make this not suck big donkey balls. Difficulty: no balls of any kind.

Tell all the families that they need to keep their kids at the other end of the restaurant because you just had to register as a sex offender earlier that day.

Trust me...they'll be talking about that lunch for years.

zenobia		2012-12-14 10:31:49 AM

not5am		2012-12-14 10:34:16 AM

hstein3: Oh, let's see here:

so it's not meant for you. this is a fairly standard advice for anyone that works for a company with an afterhours open bar chistmas party. my company holds one off site in manhattan with an open bar. female co-workers will generally bring a change of clothes with them to work for the party, as they go out clubbing afterwards. an open bar and scantily dressed women is an easy mix for disaster.

csb, had the company christmas party last week. someone was plastered enough to grab a female co-worker's ass in view of everyone. he was fired the next day. (and yes, she was in a tight dress with a low cut for after partying).

megarian		2012-12-14 10:41:03 AM

"Gay Christmas Party" has much different search results since Google became a prude.

megarian		2012-12-14 10:48:39 AM

Also, I've been a bartender in a college town for quite a while.

The Christmas parties were almost too much. I would save for months to afford the bail money.

LeafyGreens		2012-12-14 10:53:45 AM

That's not a sassy gay man. That's an uptight-biatch-from-HR gay man.

Delay		2012-12-14 11:00:25 AM

Don't dance Gangnam style.

Link

velina1115		2012-12-14 11:23:20 AM

Did I miss the holiday bonus coco of the month club thread? Anyone know where it is?

Big Red		2012-12-14 11:27:25 AM

Last place I worked, they gave out annual bonuses at the company party. You only received it if you attended. They didn't pay me enough to go to a cheesy hotel conference room on my own time, eat bad food, and pretend to like my coworkers or bosses for 3 hours. It was worth not getting the bonus.

cherryl taggart		2012-12-14 11:39:14 AM

Last nice Christmas party I attended was in 2003. Open bar, no kids, several rooms reserved for anyone to sleep it off in, owners paid for it all. Since I did the financial stuff for the business, I would have seen any invoices. It was nice, but I doubt we'll see the likes of that ever again.

grumpyoldmann		2012-12-14 11:52:35 AM

The owner of the company where I work cancelled the party one year so he could spend the money on salaries to keep several field personnel from being laid off due to lack of work. Best Christmas ever.

Jamdug!		2012-12-14 12:04:07 PM

Basically:

1. Act in a business-like manner.

Okay, not a problem.

DerAppie		2012-12-14 12:20:08 PM

Wow, you people work at crappy places if you can't even find two or three co-workers you'd enjoy free beers with.

I used to work at a place where just about the entire male workforce had drinks at the end of the day (women always left) and we went to a bar for a few drinks every payday.

Cheron		2012-12-14 12:49:26 PM

Jamdug!: Basically:

1. Act in a business-like manner.

Okay, not a problem.

The christmas party is just another business meeting.

/At 47 I'm one of the youngest employees at my company and the idea of my female coworkers all decked out is giving me the dry heaves

Spiralmonkey		2012-12-14 12:51:01 PM

I hate the office party with a vengeance, but the sad fact is that you've got to be a 'team player' to get a promotion - fark the idea of being good at your job, working hard, improving your skills, nope, all that's needed at my workplace is to be your department head's buddy. Better still a board room level buddy. I've lost count of the tedious hours spent at these things, and every point in the article is valid. You are judged on your social skills as much as anything else. My strategy is to turn up, be nice to people, have a couple of drinks, locate my friends, leave, go on to somewhere we want to be.

There was one memorable party that took place about 10 years ago - 2 punchups, 2 breakups, 1 public sex act and 1 loud and angry resignation. Good times.

i upped my meds-up yours		2012-12-14 03:44:13 PM

Know how I know I'm not gay? I saw a headline about an Anne Hathaway wardrobe malfunction and left the page immediately.

/Apparently she was getting out of a limo at her premiere and you could see all the way to Hathaway.

stewbert		2012-12-14 07:22:02 PM

Not looking forward to our holiday potluck next week. I really don't want to go, but since it'll be a slow week, the 2 hour lunch break might be just enough of an incentive. Not sure what to bring. I'll probably grab some fruit/veggies at Safeway just beforehand.

But seriously, I may just eat my lunch and spend the extra hour with you, Fark.

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