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(NPR)   Adoption agency: "Thanks for signing up to be adoptive parents. Now please wait a few years for us to find you a kid." Adoptive parents: "Or how about we create our own website and find one on our own?" Adoption agency: "Hey now wait"   (npr.org) divider line 9
    More: Spiffy, birth parent, adoption  
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10412 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Dec 2012 at 9:25 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-13 10:29:49 AM
3 votes:
My little CSB about adoptions,

I know a young woman who adopted her child out privately, like in this article.

She was 18 at the time, had been kicked out of her house (and had a pretty abusive home life to begin with). She was sharing a tiny apartment with a roommate, and barely making ends meet with a job at Subway.

A condom broke, she ended up pregnant. At the mention of the word pregnant, the father vanished like a fart in the wind, never to be seen or heard from again.

She was NOT looking forward to being a poor single mother almost certainly on welfare. She realized just how way in over her head she was.

She seriously considered abortion, very seriously. She changed her mind at almost the last minute (as in made the appointment, then cancelled), and decided to look into adopting the baby out.

Doing it through the State sounded like a nightmare to her. Basically she would still have to pay all the pregnancy related expenses (or wade through whatever public assistance was available), and her child would vanish forever minutes after birth, records sealed so she would never see him again.

Well, going through the internet, she found an adoption service that was run by a Church. Yeah, she wasn't exactly religious, and neither were the adoptive parents she found, but I'll give that Church credit that they actually did something about their pro-life beliefs by genuinely helping adoptions happen instead of just trying to ban abortion and hope it goes away.

So, the deal that was worked out was that the Church would help my friend get all the public assistance she was eligible for during her pregnancy, the adoptive family would help out to make sure she got plenty of the right nutrition and any gaps in prenatal care that existed, and cover her hospital stay for the childbirth. They were there with her for the birth, and her son was handed over after several hours.

They agreed on a name together for him. They added each other on Facebook so she could keep tabs on her biological sons growth.

He's about 7 now. He knows his biological mother as a distant cousin. That's the excuse for why she's sometimes at family Christmas parties or shows up to his birthdays.

It turned out a lot better for him, and for her, and pretty much everybody involved than if it had been done through the traditional state method.
2012-12-13 10:12:43 AM
3 votes:

megalynn44: My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.


Consider being a foster parent. It's a very, very worthwhile calling, and you never know, you might hit the lottery: The distaffbopper and I went through the training and background checks to become foster parents because all the adoption options we had were either too expensive, or the kids had fairly bad developmental disabilities*, or they required commitments we didn't necessarily like, for example open adoption (what if the birth mom turns out to be a really bad influence?).

Two months after we completed our certification process, a newborn was dropped off anonymously under our states Safe Haven Law. We took him home from the hospital and were his foster for 18 months, when we were able to finalize the adoption.

*Not that they don't need a home too, but that's a calling. You have to want to do it to take it on willingly. Takes a special kind of person to walk into a situation like that eyes wide open.
2012-12-13 09:42:45 AM
3 votes:
A couple with 2 gay looking dogs should not be allowed to adopt anything.
2012-12-13 09:54:50 AM
2 votes:
Wait, you mean private citizens can do things faster than a government agency!? WHOA! And, a government agency might have some legitimate oversight or legal obligation to the public that it serves so it needs to be involved to meet that obligation!? NO WAY!

I've got this crazy idea. How about we let private citizens handle the process and government agencies just do oversight and enforcement. That would be almost a best case scenario. Less Government, more private businesses, stuff takes less time...we all win...right?

Never mind, it'll never work. There'll be one or two instances where abuse slips through the cracks, a public outcry led by the media, calls for more oversight by government officials, and it'll all end up back in the government's hands.

Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking.
2012-12-13 11:11:14 AM
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: if your entire family is white, the presence of a black child will be a constant reminder that he's not your birth child.


Yup, that's exactly the sort of provincial attitude that made MEPA necessary. Thanks for demonstrating.
2012-12-13 10:18:47 AM
1 votes:
media.npr.org

Their kid is going to grow up sooooooo gay.
2012-12-13 10:15:40 AM
1 votes:

dittybopper: megalynn44: My husband & I will be entering the adoption waters this Spring if our next round of in vitro fails. We've already been trying for 2 years. The prospect of 3 more is utterly heartbreaking to be quite honest. It's so scary because I do not think I could emotionally handle being conned in that way- giving someone money for a baby and it not working out.

Consider being a foster parent. It's a very, very worthwhile calling, and you never know, you might hit the lottery: The distaffbopper and I went through the training and background checks to become foster parents because all the adoption options we had were either too expensive, or the kids had fairly bad developmental disabilities*, or they required commitments we didn't necessarily like, for example open adoption (what if the birth mom turns out to be a really bad influence?).

Two months after we completed our certification process, a newborn was dropped off anonymously under our states Safe Haven Law. We took him home from the hospital and were his foster for 18 months, when we were able to finalize the adoption.

*Not that they don't need a home too, but that's a calling. You have to want to do it to take it on willingly. Takes a special kind of person to walk into a situation like that eyes wide open.


I think this is excellent advice. You get to "try before you buy", and the kid gets a decent foster home (with parents who want children, as opposed to people who want an extra source of income).
2012-12-13 09:50:29 AM
1 votes:

WhippingBoy: Impatient parents: "We want a baby and we want it NOW!!!"
Government Agency: "OK, we're going to have to do some checks to make sure that the baby is healthy, make sure that you're not going to use it for child porn, and..."
Impatient parents: "NOW!!! NOW!!! NOW!!!"


Background checks and medical exams don't take three years.

Meanwhile that child just sat in an orphanage or a foster home all that time. I wonder if that'll have any impact on the kid's mental health.
2012-12-13 09:31:44 AM
1 votes:
Cut through a lot of red tape and you're not paying the salaries for the staff at the adoption agency. I guess.
 
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