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(KHOU Houston)   Doctor suggests you should take action now if you're an 'Almost Alcoholic'. Drew suggests coughing up $5 a month to remove all doubt   (khou.com ) divider line 260
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11440 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Dec 2012 at 4:51 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-11 08:10:52 PM  

screwzloos: Garbage quiz. I sit at home by myself every night and drink until I pass out, but I only scored a 10.

I have no friends, family, obligations, or remorse about drinking. At some point I'm too drunk to get up and pour another, so I just go to bed instead of blacking out or getting hurt from it. Self-control has never been a problem - I just stop when I want to get up early the next day.

I'm certainly more than an "almost-alcoholic"... I guess I just don't really have a drinking problem.


you, friend... you're a drunk. =D
 
2012-12-11 08:22:07 PM  
This thread made me throw my last shot of whiskey into a glass for sipping
 
2012-12-11 08:22:38 PM  
Dr. Doyle suggests, "If you're having four beers on Friday night, see how you do with two beers."

How about we just legalize weed instead?
 
2012-12-11 08:24:58 PM  
3 for me but it might have something to do with not having any money? I buy a bottle of wine once a week. Haven't had any hard liquor since my state voted to take it out of state control. It's too expensive now. The state made sure they got their share of pie one way or the other!
 
2012-12-11 08:39:48 PM  

H31N0US: In other news you have to be a pretty farked up case to be considered an alcoholic according to that test.


Yeah, that was a far too forgiving test to be realistic in any way. I was completely honest, and got "social drinker", and even I think I'm a drunk.
 
2012-12-11 08:45:18 PM  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: 15. Probably would've been lower before I started dating a Farkette. I've heard so much BS about alcoholism to know that I ain't it, but people like to be judgey.


There was an amendment put up before any of us farkers were ever born to draw the line on our shennanigans. That said, now that two states told the Feds to go to hell on weed (I smoke nothing at all) perhaps there will be less drinking and driving during all our recreational activities and this farker is going to make a killing delivering Little Debbie snacks now that Hostess is gone.

/brother's gotta get paid ya know.
//feed the masses.
 
2012-12-11 08:45:25 PM  

born_yesterday: H31N0US: In other news you have to be a pretty farked up case to be considered an alcoholic according to that test.

Yeah, that was a far too forgiving test to be realistic in any way. I was completely honest, and got "social drinker", and even I think I'm a drunk.


Which is weird, because, aside from the last couple of months, I am NOT a big drinker, and even now, my alcoholic friends would scoff at how much is too much for me, and somehow I got a twelve...
 
2012-12-11 08:46:30 PM  
6 for me, but I think I should drink less during the week. Even 1-2 drinks makes me hungover enough that I don't want to get out of bed in the AM. Also, I'm a lightweight so no way could I even achieve what they are calling "gray area" w/o ending up in the hospital.
 
2012-12-11 08:54:47 PM  

cefm: A couple of bullshiat questions in there.

#7 How often have you felt guilt or remorse after drinking?
The question does not define a causal relationship - you could well be feeling guilt or remorse for something that has no connection to alcohol at all. Should rephrase to "guilt or remorse for something caused by or influenced by your drinking"

#10 - Has a relative or friend or coworker or a doctor expressed concern over your drinking?
The doctor part is OK, but the other 3 may have screwed up subjective views on drinking or on you - so the question itself leads to possibly inaccurate answers.


No kidding, I answered that question truthfully because my wife thinks I drink too much if I have a beer. Scored 7.
 
2012-12-11 08:59:53 PM  

had98c: I got a 1. And I'm not even Mormon!


Maybe you should consider it. ;)
 
2012-12-11 09:02:13 PM  
Scored 18, and I work in a farkin' brewery. Limitless, free, beer.

So yeah, this test is flawed.
/also drinking a beer right now
//cheers to the Almost-Farkers
 
2012-12-11 09:14:24 PM  
seems like this test focuses a lot more on the potential social risks of heavy use than the health risks of drinking, say, 6 drinks per day.
 
2012-12-11 09:24:00 PM  

antidisestablishmentarianism: I scored a 12. I thought it would be much worse.


There was a quiz? I guess I'm worse off than I realized.

I'm farked.
 
2012-12-11 09:25:25 PM  

Nightshade50: Wait since alcoholism is considered a disease, you either have it or don't. There's no such thing as a almost disease. Is there?

/right?


I almost had the clap once.
 
2012-12-11 09:26:33 PM  
They had some doctor in the paper a few days ago who is a head honcho in public health in Australia. He came right out and said they want to do to alchohol what they did to cigarrettes.

Therefore, fark public health officials, they are our enemy.
 
2012-12-11 09:27:25 PM  
15
In the middle here on fark I guess.
Soon to be 1 if I don't find a new job.
 
2012-12-11 09:28:55 PM  
6...cool that means I can drink more and not feel guilty.
 
2012-12-11 09:31:00 PM  

Citrate1007: Jon iz teh kewl: alcoholism is only a problem if the user is violent
case closed

Neglected children beg to differ.


Relatives of loved ones killed by drunk drivers might want to weigh in on this one, too.

Also, participants in wedding receptions and other such important functions ruined by drunks.

And the spouses of non-violent alcoholics will probably tell you that having a husband or wife who falls asleep every night at 8 PM after consuming the day's allotment of boxed wine isn't a fun way to go through life.
 
2012-12-11 09:36:39 PM  

Girion47: Jon iz teh kewl: Citrate1007: Jon iz teh kewl: alcoholism is only a problem if the user is violent
case closed

Neglected children beg to differ.

why are you drinking if your married?

if i get married i'm never drinking again because i'd be honestly happy

LOL it's obvious you've never been married.


I'm betting on sarcasm.
 
2012-12-11 09:42:44 PM  
Okay, I found the quiz. I answered honestly and only scored a 27. That's actually somewhat encouraging.
 
2012-12-11 09:44:06 PM  
Didn't read all the comments, but thank everything they didn't take the size of a wine glass into account. Muahahahaha!

/I'm fine, seriously!! I live you so much right now.
 
2012-12-11 09:47:43 PM  
I don't drink, but I totally respect anyone who can pound them back and still function.
 
2012-12-11 10:26:07 PM  
"If you're having four beers on Friday night, see how you do with two beers."

2 BEERS!!, What am I 6 years old still?!!
 
2012-12-11 10:28:30 PM  
I refuse to click the link. Do I have a problem?

/rummy
 
2012-12-11 10:30:35 PM  
Scored a 9, almost alcoholic range...........Wow! barely qualified for Fark.
 
2012-12-11 10:34:46 PM  
27... given how much I've been drinking, getting into "alcoholic" range must require some really amazing conduct
 
2012-12-11 10:44:00 PM  
I was doing great until I realized I was drinking seltzer and not miller lite. FML.
 
2012-12-11 10:45:37 PM  

RealAmericanHero: 27... given how much I've been drinking, getting into "alcoholic" range must require some really amazing conduct


it's really not that hard. you just have to give it your all every night with or without drinking buddies...
 
2012-12-11 10:46:35 PM  

RealAmericanHero: 27... given how much I've been drinking, getting into "alcoholic" range must require some really amazing conduct


Same score as me! Cheers!
 
2012-12-11 10:49:44 PM  

breakfast_in_bedlam: 17. I work in the wine and spirits industry. This test is b.s. because, frankly, I worry about all the booze I consume.

/Drinking Pinot Noir while writing this.
//At work.


Hate! Hate you!! Hate you soooo much!!
 
2012-12-11 11:02:08 PM  
16

I really thought it would be higher. I have wine with dinner most nights. And Sun and Wed are $2 pints, I end up having 8-10.
 
2012-12-11 11:16:39 PM  

robbiex0r: 14

*shrug*


Me to! A round of shrugs for everyone!
 
2012-12-11 11:30:03 PM  

Ego edo infantia cattus: robbiex0r: 14

*shrug*

Me to! A round of shrugs for everyone!


.
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-11 11:30:27 PM  

JustLookin: FTFQ:

3. How often do you have six or more drinks on one occasion?

Never
Less than once a month
Monthly
Two to three times a week
Four or more times a week

So if I have six or more drinks once a week, do I answer "Monthly" or "Two to three times a week?" It's neither, you farking jackbags!



Yeah, Had the same problem. They should also measure it in something more concrete, like pints or fifths. Who the hell measures out shots when they mix a drink? Do i get extra points for drinking from the bottle? ... and who the hell built my stairs so crooked?
 
2012-12-11 11:50:06 PM  
Doctor Doyle believes millions who become addicted pass through the "almost alcoholic" phase, and he thinks a lot can stop the problem there. Dr. Doyle shares, "We're not trying to put labels on people. In fact, we're trying to prevent people from getting the label of a very serious condition."

LOL
 
2012-12-11 11:52:51 PM  
amquelbettamin:
[24.media.tumblr.com image 300x429]

Awesome, I almost posted that pic. still makes me laugh every time i see it. :)

/great minds. etc.
 
2012-12-11 11:55:50 PM  
0-8 = normal social drinking

So THERE Mr. Monday Morning Quarterback, Mr. Wheelchair General.

/surprised it wasn't higher
//pothead
 
2012-12-11 11:55:52 PM  
So what's the standard deduction for being born and raised in Wisconsin?
 
2012-12-11 11:56:50 PM  

theotherwhitemeat: I'm a functioning alcoholic and I know it. Only a handful of people know. I scored a 27 so I feel I still got a little time!!


Try this. If you are by the end of work already craving that first drink and starting to feel that little bit of anxiety, around 6 pm take 4 Benadryl instead. Just be prepared to go to bed by 9. Mellows you right out. Try it first on a Friday night so you don't have to work the next day. DO NOT drink anything that night. If this works and causes calm without the booze try 3 on a weeknight.
 
2012-12-12 12:00:59 AM  

brandent: theotherwhitemeat: I'm a functioning alcoholic and I know it. Only a handful of people know. I scored a 27 so I feel I still got a little time!!

Try this. If you are by the end of work already craving that first drink and starting to feel that little bit of anxiety, around 6 pm take 4 Benadryl instead. Just be prepared to go to bed by 9. Mellows you right out. Try it first on a Friday night so you don't have to work the next day. DO NOT drink anything that night. If this works and causes calm without the booze try 3 on a weeknight.


wtf? Hey, you're an alcoholic? Why don't you take some drugs instead. I don't care that Benadryl isn't really a hard drug, but I'm sure taking 4 of them at a time is a bad idea and it's definitely a bad idea to take them recreationally.

Why don't you go DIAF?
 
2012-12-12 12:03:32 AM  

brandent: around 6 pm take 4 Benadryl instead.


Man just half of one knocks the fark out and I can't get up for shiat the next day. If you're taking 4, then you've got a serious substance abuse problem in the first place.

Yeah. I'll bet you didn't want to hear that.
 
2012-12-12 12:04:32 AM  
Are you shiatting yourself whilst drunk?

Y - Slow down.
N - Your fine.
 
2012-12-12 12:43:53 AM  
There's no such thing as an "alcoholic". No one HAS to have alcohol.
 
2012-12-12 12:50:37 AM  

Buffet: There's no such thing as an "alcoholic". No one HAS to have alcohol.


People can die going cold turkey on alcohol.
 
2012-12-12 01:04:23 AM  
I would pay the $5 a month if I wasn't paying for diapers for my toddler and newborn... Hi guys missed ya all
 
2012-12-12 01:06:52 AM  
Every alcoholic, as he is sitting in his car at 5:30 AM, waiting for the convenience store to open at 6 so he can buy more beer, all the while trembling from withdrawal, tells himself "I'll quit when my drinking gets to be a problem".

/lived that life
 
2012-12-12 04:34:21 AM  

zzrhardy: Are you shiatting yourself whilst drunk?

Y - Slow down.
N - Your fine.


You can get fined for not shiatting yourself while drunk ?
 
2012-12-12 05:56:22 AM  

zzrhardy: Buffet: There's no such thing as an "alcoholic". No one HAS to have alcohol.

People can die going cold turkey on alcohol.


I see you're Australian. You probably know what you're talking about.
 
2012-12-12 07:01:31 AM  
It seems as long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else, and can live up to your responsibilities, you are free to have 7-9 drinks a day, every day of the week, and only score an 11. What the hell kind of test is this?
 
2012-12-12 08:22:23 AM  

cefm: A couple of bullshiat questions in there.

#7 How often have you felt guilt or remorse after drinking?
The question does not define a causal relationship - you could well be feeling guilt or remorse for something that has no connection to alcohol at all. Should rephrase to "guilt or remorse for something caused by or influenced by your drinking"

#10 - Has a relative or friend or coworker or a doctor expressed concern over your drinking?
The doctor part is OK, but the other 3 may have screwed up subjective views on drinking or on you - so the question itself leads to possibly inaccurate answers.


The question "Has anyone ever commented on how much you drink" is one of the best ways to make someone answer honestly in a doctor/patient scenario. It lurches into a conversation that gets to the truth far quicker than "How much do you drink" and the like.

It's in the training of any basic preventative medicine training course of GPs.
 
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