imfallen_angel: akula: If you let your in laws, idiot friends, or bratty stepkids butt into your marriage, that is a reflection on you. You chose your mother in law's opinion, your friends' funtimes, or your kids' wishes over your spouse. If a couple wants to stay together they will. If something separates them, that's something that they valued over the relationship.

I'd agree for the most part, but you apparently haven't met some people that I've known. It's amazing the length that some will go to cause drama and problems for others.

I don't doubt it, but you have a choice to let people into your life or to cut them off. Some people are truly, completely, and virulently toxic, but one does not need to maintain lines of communication to such people.

I'd contend that this is the kind of thing that is ideally discussed pre-marriage; in counseling or just between the couple or whatever- if there's somebody who is that actively troublesome, there needs to be talk about how to handle it. Assuming it will go away is a significant mistake, and one that is likely to hurt the marriage on down the line.

If a potential spouse will not cut an actively toxic relationship, then it's probably better to not get married. A couple may love each other very much, but if there's (for example) a rotten kid who is an embarrassment to the parents and constantly in trouble but the parent will keep enabling that behavior, then that's not going to change just from the addition of a ring and consumption of wedding cake.

Whether one takes the Bible seriously or not, the characterization of "leaving father and mother and becoming one flesh" is a great image for what needs to happen in a marital union. If there is anybody who one of the spouses will choose over his/her husband/wife, then there's a problem, whether it's a preexisting child*, a friend, a family member, a lover, etc.

When I started dating the woman who became Mrs. Akula, her middle sister decided she would do whatever it would take to break us up. My then-GF (now wife) told me about it, we had a great laugh, and we both decided the sister would NOT be a factor in our relationship... if she sister decided to be a determined biatch, she would be ignored. Thankfully, the sister got over it and was not a problem- it never got to the point of estrangement. But had she continued, there would have been a choice made sooner or later (and before the wedding) as to which relationship would have priority.

*This can be hairy, and I'm not suggesting kicking a bratty five year old to the curb. I'm saying that if the parent and stepparent cannot get on the same page in how to handle a child (minor or adult) from a previous union, then that marriage is not likely to survive if that child is a toxic personality.

Lsherm: Seems like the kids picked up pretty quickly that mommy and daddy's happiness was clearly more important than their own. This is a lesson that should be taught early.

Except when the kids can clearly see that dad's miserable because frigid, joyless coont of a mom treats him like a doormat and no matter how much they go to the therapist, she still continues to be a domineering, controlling, narcissist coont and in fact both kids comment on how much more fun dad is with his new wife and can do we have to go back to mom's house already.

/5 Year Old Son "Dad, how come you look so sad all the time?"
//Same Son the following year "Dad, how come mom's always telling you what to do but I never see you telling her what to do?
///Well, son, see, when I married your mom, it seemed like a good idea at the time. It turns out that once she has what she wants, like a house and kids and sober husband who earns a good living and presents well, she moves on to new goals. Sort of like when you put an old toy on the shelf and aren't interested in it anymore? I'm your mom's old toy and she's all about her career. We sure have nice wainscoting in the dining room, though, huh?

You forgot mom using you as a pawn, subbs.

AgentKGB: I do agree with imfallen_angel, though, that some peoples' life goal seems to be breaking up others' relationships.

And such petty and pathetic people they are, too. They are not of a mental or emotional state to love or accept love, so they choose instead to destroy it where it is found.

They're an emotional version of the people who feel a need to scratch/dent nice cars in the parking lot, but even more despicable.

Well, little girl. Do you know why Big Bird wanders around the street and has a crummy, little nest next to a brownstone? Because he's divorced, that's why.

I came home one day to my split level bird house and my key wouldn't work. I called Mrs. Bird from the gas station down the street and she said we were breaking up. The lawyer brought the paperwork up to the office and made a stink about it. Word moved quickly through the office. Back then, they could fire you if you weren't "the family type".

So, I'm out of work and no one will hire a big yellow bird to do Lotus Notes Administration. The market is just too small. Especially with zero Domino experience. I'm living with my brother and his wife keeps nudging him, asking him when the couch anchor is moving out. But hey. What's another step down the ladder?

When you're getting divorced, you gotta go to court to settle everything. They set a "Court Date". That's when you are supposed to show up and tell the court your side of the issue and the judge make a valid, sane ruling. But the wife, her new boyfriend and the lawyer keep changing the court date. Well, the one time I'm out of town on a job interview, they rush the court. The ex-wife - that's what you call your wife after the judge slams a little hammer down, declares you divorced and that she gets to keep the house, the furnishings, the cars and alimony based on what you were making the day the papers got served. I got other words for her but PBS won't let me use 'em. Because I wasn't there, I couldn't tell the judge I don't have two nickels and even if I did, she wasn't getting either one. So now I have a judgement of past and future alimony owed hanging over my head.

So even if I get a job, they'll garnish my wages, so I'm forced to suckle at Uncle Sucker's teat until the day I die. Either that, or I change my name, move to Kentucky and get a job artificially inseminating horses. And guess what, little girl? Not even for Secretariat's sperm does a filly want this wing shoved up her va-jay-jay.

So, little girl. Thanks for the little kick down Memory Lane. I gotta get back to the nest. It's garbage day and sometimes the men try to throw my nest on the truck. It's pretty much the only adult interaction I have any more. So, when you meet a little boy, just think about all they ways you can mess up his life. Maybe the Count can count them for you. Here he comes now. Hey Count, count the ways a little girl like this can screw over a little boy.

Count: Hey buddy. My ex had me tossed from my coffin at the break of noon. Count how many ways you can get the shaft from a girl? Blah. Even the Count can't count that high. Hey. they're pouring stale beer in to the gutter behind the strip club. Wanna go slurp up some gutter brew?

Big Bird: And I thought today was gonna suck just as much as yesterday and all the days before. Screw the nest. I hope they haul it off. Was mostly asbestos anyways. Let's go.

Nightsweat: [media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247]

You're just doing that because I finally found an animated gif of that, that was small enough for Fark.com^TM

Stone Meadow: Yeah, only in my case it was mommy who ran off to California leaving my dad with 5 kids and a crop in the field.

She picked a fine time to do that.

ChipNASA: (Clicks on " Funniest " ...hmmm.....nothing to see here. ) 
{:-D

Just like presidents, if you don't vote, don't complain.

Valiente: quatchi: We're about to witness the strength of street knowledge?

Then there was the crucial distinction of timing: Snuffy had experienced his divorce in the present; he was upset, angry, crying. His emotions were raw. But Abby would reveal her story as something that happened in the past - an important distinction, say researchers, to show kids that she's made it to the other side.

Good way to go with it. I'm honestly surprised it took two decades for them to broach the subject again.

Don't ask, don't tell.

/where's Elmo's fist?

Mentat: Meanwhile, Mr. Hooper is still dead.

Odds are good he'll stay that way.

Meanwhile, Mr. Hooper is still dead.

Generation_D: A divorce is when your mommy and daddy don't love each other any more, and its all your fault.

I think that, as long as you make sure the kid is aware of this, then you and your ex can move on with your lives knowing you gave it your best effort.

In a year or so, you will get a younger, prettier Mommy with bigger boobs. She will be like the older sister you never had!