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(Time)   Big Bird, what's a divorce? A divorce is when your daddy gets caught banging the secretary and has to go live in another city, and you have to live with your mommy who is going to be angry at you all the time and cry a lot   (healthland.time.com) divider line 150
    More: Interesting, Big Bird, Sesame Workshop, Oscar the Grouch, divorces  
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13950 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Dec 2012 at 11:55 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-11 12:22:17 PM

Nightsweat: [media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247]


You're just doing that because I finally found an animated gif of that, that was small enough for Fark.comTM


media.tumblr.commedia.tumblr.commedia.tumblr.commedia.tumblr.commedia.tumblr.commedia.tumblr.commedia.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-11 12:23:53 PM
As a kid of divorced parents who got over the "They're gonna get back together" stage, just to hear last week about how my mom was thinking about getting back together with my dad (DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!). . . kicks, I'm getting them. . .

/in the arse
 
2012-12-11 12:24:27 PM

ChipNASA: Valiente: quatchi: We're about to witness the strength of street knowledge?

Then there was the crucial distinction of timing: Snuffy had experienced his divorce in the present; he was upset, angry, crying. His emotions were raw. But Abby would reveal her story as something that happened in the past - an important distinction, say researchers, to show kids that she's made it to the other side.

Good way to go with it. I'm honestly surprised it took two decades for them to broach the subject again.

Don't ask, don't tell.

/where's Elmo's fist?

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x400]


The follow up episode:

www.westseattlefunblog.com
 
2012-12-11 12:25:54 PM
I'm surprised it's taken this long to be a topic...would have been more relavent in the 80's and 90's. Nowadays it seems that many parents just never bother getting married in the first place.

/not judging.
 
2012-12-11 12:26:01 PM
"Mommy, why did Daddy leave?"
"Because you didn't clean your room."

Snark aside, I think this is an excellent idea. They did an outstanding job dealing with the death of "Mr. Hooper". It was a perfect example of why we shouldn't be afraid to expose our kids to the hard parts of life, as well as the fun, easy parts. Kids aren't nearly as incapable of empathy and understanding as we often presume them to be. We should give them more credit.

You might want to dust the furniture before you watch this:
Goodbye, Mr. Hooper
 
2012-12-11 12:26:13 PM

eas81: ChipNASA: Valiente: quatchi: We're about to witness the strength of street knowledge?

Then there was the crucial distinction of timing: Snuffy had experienced his divorce in the present; he was upset, angry, crying. His emotions were raw. But Abby would reveal her story as something that happened in the past - an important distinction, say researchers, to show kids that she's made it to the other side.

Good way to go with it. I'm honestly surprised it took two decades for them to broach the subject again.

Don't ask, don't tell.

/where's Elmo's fist?

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 300x400]

The follow up episode:

[www.westseattlefunblog.com image 737x626]


The Kermit Sex Tape
i235.photobucket.com

(That's why he was crying in the shower...he got busted. )
 
2012-12-11 12:27:21 PM
i.chzbgr.com
 
2012-12-11 12:28:05 PM
A is for Alimony. Which means mommy gets a new Lexus while daddy lives in the hood and still can't pay rent.
 
2012-12-11 12:28:11 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Smeggy Smurf: mom who turned to fundie religion and used it as her justification to fark every swinging dick in sight

Once upon a time I was caught up in the Fundie Evangelical Christian thing. I devoted myself dutifully to it for nearly a decade. It was not some kook fringe movement operating out of some guy's shed, but a big, mainstream, contempo-worship with the band and the singing and the Holy Spirit, and a little speaking in tongues here and there but no snake handling or gom jabbars or really exotic stuff. At no point in my journey with these people was there ever any "farking every swinging dick in sight". Had there been, I might have stayed, being an able-bodied swinging dick myself.


Maybe they just didn't tell you about it.
 
2012-12-11 12:28:45 PM

Lsherm: Seems like the kids picked up pretty quickly that mommy and daddy's happiness was clearly more important than their own. This is a lesson that should be taught early.


Except when the kids can clearly see that dad's miserable because frigid, joyless coont of a mom treats him like a doormat and no matter how much they go to the therapist, she still continues to be a domineering, controlling, narcissist coont and in fact both kids comment on how much more fun dad is with his new wife and can do we have to go back to mom's house already.

/5 Year Old Son "Dad, how come you look so sad all the time?"
//Same Son the following year "Dad, how come mom's always telling you what to do but I never see you telling her what to do?
///Well, son, see, when I married your mom, it seemed like a good idea at the time. It turns out that once she has what she wants, like a house and kids and sober husband who earns a good living and presents well, she moves on to new goals. Sort of like when you put an old toy on the shelf and aren't interested in it anymore? I'm your mom's old toy and she's all about her career. We sure have nice wainscoting in the dining room, though, huh?
 
2012-12-11 12:29:45 PM
Headline is sexist--even for FARK.

How about all the cases where "mommy" is a lazy biatch who cannot spend $172,000/ year fast enough, opens fraudulent charge cards when the ones that were known about are maxed out, refuses to make dinner in ten years, hardly ever cleans the house, and then decides to ditch the family because she doesn't like being an actual mother? Or the one who then mismanages her alimony and child-support so dramatically wrong she's allowed to move back in with the ex for eight months so the kids don't have to live in a crappy tiny apartment?

And then moves out again into an even worse financial situation, only to be behind on the bills again six months later?

/Schtupping the secretary is less-common than the stereotype.
//Story above not mine--it's my best friend's
 
2012-12-11 12:31:23 PM

Super Chronic: Maybe they just didn't tell you about it.


bastards.
 
2012-12-11 12:31:34 PM
Elmo:"But why did your parents get a divorce?"
Elmo:"You should know Elmo. You caused it. What with your heathen lifestyle."
**Awkward silence**
 
2012-12-11 12:32:09 PM
Er, I mean Abby not Elmo...
 
2012-12-11 12:33:04 PM

JackieRabbit: Next Up: Elmo does a segment on fisting.


Valiente: quatchi: We're about to witness the strength of street knowledge?

Then there was the crucial distinction of timing: Snuffy had experienced his divorce in the present; he was upset, angry, crying. His emotions were raw. But Abby would reveal her story as something that happened in the past - an important distinction, say researchers, to show kids that she's made it to the other side.

Good way to go with it. I'm honestly surprised it took two decades for them to broach the subject again.

Don't ask, don't tell.

/where's Elmo's fist?


i758.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-11 12:33:24 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Stone Meadow: Yeah, only in my case it was mommy who ran off to California leaving my dad with 5 kids and a crop in the field.

She picked a fine time to do that.


Yeah, I made up the part about a crop in the field. Didn't have to make up the rest of it, tho. She doted on my sister and youngest bro, and blamed us three oldest boys for all the misery in her life. Classic divide and conquer. Ran my older and younger bro off while they were in hs, tho I managed to stick it out to graduation.

I guess that's what happens when you get knocked up at 16.
 
2012-12-11 12:34:06 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Stone Meadow: Yeah, only in my case it was mommy who ran off to California leaving my dad with 5 kids and a crop in the field.

She picked a fine time to do that.


Presumably trying to avoid another god-awful harvest with that chump and his squawling brats. It's a matter of perspective, I guess.
 
2012-12-11 12:34:33 PM
Some angry boys with mommy issues in here.

And angry (ex)husbands.

/Staying together for the kids
//Just kidding. But some days...
 
2012-12-11 12:34:38 PM

basemetal: You forgot mom using you as a pawn, subbs.


Done in one...

And don't even have to be married.

During the custody battle, she pulled every trick, no punch held back, every possible accusations.... it all ended up biting her right back.

She made it clear that all that mattered was either that I'd go back, or make me pay for leaving.

After I've had complete custody for over 12 years now, the fight is long over and the anger (from her side subsided) the ex still calls regularly to *cough cough* see how the kids are, but usually starts digging about things, as in, constant hints that she's want the old life with me back, telling me things such as how she's watching the old family movies and some comments about it.

I'm just glad that I never did married her though, as just this stuff, the custody and such, was more than enough.

(I'd rather sleep with a dead horse, remove my skin with a dull rusty paint scraper, have thumbtacks slowly inserted in my scrotum, than going back to her).
 
2012-12-11 12:37:58 PM
cdn.9laughs.com
 
2012-12-11 12:38:43 PM

ChipNASA: Nightsweat: [media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247]

You're just doing that because I finally found an animated gif of that, that was small enough for Fark.comTM

[media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247]


Why am I thinking about motorboating in heavy seas?
 
2012-12-11 12:42:15 PM

Valiente: Don't ask, don't tell.

/where's Elmo's fist?


Mostly 16 year old boy ass. Sometimes this guy's ass.
img545.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-11 12:42:42 PM
Now that we've explored divorce, let's follow up with the sequel:

images2.wikia.nocookie.net

Daddy's New Wife Timothy
 
2012-12-11 12:44:07 PM

quatchi: We're about to witness the strength of street knowledge?

Then there was the crucial distinction of timing: Snuffy had experienced his divorce in the present; he was upset, angry, crying. His emotions were raw. But Abby would reveal her story as something that happened in the past - an important distinction, say researchers, to show kids that she's made it to the other side.

Good way to go with it. I'm honestly surprised it took two decades for them to broach the subject again.


Sometimes though, don't you need to teach things in the now? Show kids that it is okay to be upset but you can move on?
 
2012-12-11 12:48:46 PM

Super Chronic: AverageAmericanGuy: But you'll get twice the Christmas presents, so that's something cool!

That, and the old "I want to go live with Dad!" leverage when you're mad at Mom.

/occasionally guilty


When my stepdaughter was around 3 or 4, whenever she got hurt the next thing to come out of her mouth was, "I want to go home!" (Her mom's)

I would often feel bad for my husband, until he told me that she did the same thing at her mother's place with "I want to go to Daddy's!" when she got hurt.

Now she's 15 and wants to live with me and my husband because all of her friends are here, but her mom won't let it happen because she doesn't like the school system.
 
2012-12-11 12:50:26 PM

ChipNASA: Nightsweat: [media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247]

You're just doing that because I finally found an animated gif of that, that was small enough for Fark.comTM

[media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247][media.tumblr.com image 200x247]


Oh hell yes. Well done, btw.
 
2012-12-11 12:51:13 PM
I thought all of society's problems were caused by unwed couples having children. If this thread is any indication, it is MUCH worse for a child if the parents marry and then divorce.

/Parents never married
//Never went through the "they'll get back together" stage because I'd never seen it as a child
///I have a great relationship with both parents
 
2012-12-11 12:55:22 PM

Nuclear Monk: I'm surprised it's taken this long to be a topic...would have been more relavent in the 80's and 90's. Nowadays it seems that many parents just never bother getting married in the first place.

/not judging.


I can see why parents who are in a secure relationship with no foreseeable plans to separate would not want their small children being told all about divorce. It's just placing worry in them. It's kind of akin to showing 10 yr olds horror movies.
 
2012-12-11 12:55:40 PM
I am probably one of the few out there that was happy when my parents told me they were getting a divorce.

/tired of waking up to the midnight fights
//no hitting just yelling a breaking dishes
 
2012-12-11 12:58:40 PM

Generation_D: A divorce is when your mommy and daddy don't love each other any more, and its all your fault.


My stepdad told me that if he and my mom got divorced it'd be my fault. I told him I'd consider that my greatest achievement.

/yeah, he was awful
 
2012-12-11 12:59:58 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Super Chronic: Maybe they just didn't tell you about it.

bastards.


there there..
 
2012-12-11 01:00:39 PM
Well, little girl. Do you know why Big Bird wanders around the street and has a crummy, little nest next to a brownstone? Because he's divorced, that's why.

I came home one day to my split level bird house and my key wouldn't work. I called Mrs. Bird from the gas station down the street and she said we were breaking up. The lawyer brought the paperwork up to the office and made a stink about it. Word moved quickly through the office. Back then, they could fire you if you weren't "the family type".

So, I'm out of work and no one will hire a big yellow bird to do Lotus Notes Administration. The market is just too small. Especially with zero Domino experience. I'm living with my brother and his wife keeps nudging him, asking him when the couch anchor is moving out. But hey. What's another step down the ladder?

When you're getting divorced, you gotta go to court to settle everything. They set a "Court Date". That's when you are supposed to show up and tell the court your side of the issue and the judge make a valid, sane ruling. But the wife, her new boyfriend and the lawyer keep changing the court date. Well, the one time I'm out of town on a job interview, they rush the court. The ex-wife - that's what you call your wife after the judge slams a little hammer down, declares you divorced and that she gets to keep the house, the furnishings, the cars and alimony based on what you were making the day the papers got served. I got other words for her but PBS won't let me use 'em. Because I wasn't there, I couldn't tell the judge I don't have two nickels and even if I did, she wasn't getting either one. So now I have a judgement of past and future alimony owed hanging over my head.

So even if I get a job, they'll garnish my wages, so I'm forced to suckle at Uncle Sucker's teat until the day I die. Either that, or I change my name, move to Kentucky and get a job artificially inseminating horses. And guess what, little girl? Not even for Secretariat's sperm does a filly want this wing shoved up her va-jay-jay.

So, little girl. Thanks for the little kick down Memory Lane. I gotta get back to the nest. It's garbage day and sometimes the men try to throw my nest on the truck. It's pretty much the only adult interaction I have any more. So, when you meet a little boy, just think about all they ways you can mess up his life. Maybe the Count can count them for you. Here he comes now. Hey Count, count the ways a little girl like this can screw over a little boy.

Count: Hey buddy. My ex had me tossed from my coffin at the break of noon. Count how many ways you can get the shaft from a girl? Blah. Even the Count can't count that high. Hey. they're pouring stale beer in to the gutter behind the strip club. Wanna go slurp up some gutter brew?

Big Bird: And I thought today was gonna suck just as much as yesterday and all the days before. Screw the nest. I hope they haul it off. Was mostly asbestos anyways. Let's go.
 
2012-12-11 01:01:49 PM
You know why divorce is so expensive?

Because it is worth every penny!
 
2012-12-11 01:03:10 PM

Harry Freakstorm: Well, little girl. Do you know why Big Bird wanders around the street and has a crummy, little nest next to a brownstone? Because he's divorced, that's why.

I came home one day to my split level bird house and my key wouldn't work. I called Mrs. Bird from the gas station down the street and she said we were breaking up. The lawyer brought the paperwork up to the office and made a stink about it. Word moved quickly through the office. Back then, they could fire you if you weren't "the family type".

So, I'm out of work and no one will hire a big yellow bird to do Lotus Notes Administration. The market is just too small. Especially with zero Domino experience. I'm living with my brother and his wife keeps nudging him, asking him when the couch anchor is moving out. But hey. What's another step down the ladder?

When you're getting divorced, you gotta go to court to settle everything. They set a "Court Date". That's when you are supposed to show up and tell the court your side of the issue and the judge make a valid, sane ruling. But the wife, her new boyfriend and the lawyer keep changing the court date. Well, the one time I'm out of town on a job interview, they rush the court. The ex-wife - that's what you call your wife after the judge slams a little hammer down, declares you divorced and that she gets to keep the house, the furnishings, the cars and alimony based on what you were making the day the papers got served. I got other words for her but PBS won't let me use 'em. Because I wasn't there, I couldn't tell the judge I don't have two nickels and even if I did, she wasn't getting either one. So now I have a judgement of past and future alimony owed hanging over my head.

So even if I get a job, they'll garnish my wages, so I'm forced to suckle at Uncle Sucker's teat until the day I die. Either that, or I change my name, move to Kentucky and get a job artificially inseminating horses. And guess what, little girl? Not even for Secretariat ...


Not bad, should have used Oscar, he lives in a garbage can.
 
2012-12-11 01:05:58 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Except when the kids can clearly see that dad's miserable because frigid, joyless coont of a mom treats him like a doormat and no matter how much they go to the therapist, she still continues to be a domineering, controlling, narcissist coont


You know my wife?

imfallen_angel: During the custody battle, she pulled every trick, no punch held back, every possible accusations.... it all ended up biting her right back.

She made it clear that all that mattered was either that I'd go back, or make me pay for leaving.


This is exactly what I'm going through right now. My wife officially blackmailed me three nights ago (you will drop the ad litem, give me the house and the kids, or I will call the police). I contacted the lawyer and they sent her a cease and decist letter.

She offered me a settlement last night, laughable, but I'm taking it as a good sign.
 
2012-12-11 01:10:17 PM
I remember getting pulled out of class when my parents separated and going to another classroom (I was in 4th grade, my sister in 3rd) to watch a video about divorce and talk to a counselor. It was definitely stressed that it was not our fault and our parents still loved us.

Best day of my life was getting off the school bus and seeing a U-Haul truck in the driveway and my parents moving things into the house.
 
2012-12-11 01:11:48 PM
Protip for guys:

Get divorced in Colorado. 50% custody, reasonable child support and no alimony.
 
2012-12-11 01:15:08 PM

DROxINxTHExWIND: I thought all of society's problems were caused by unwed couples having children. If this thread is any indication, it is MUCH worse for a child if the parents marry and then divorce.

/Parents never married
//Never went through the "they'll get back together" stage because I'd never seen it as a child
///I have a great relationship with both parents


Most likely. My daughter's mother and I never got married. Best decision I ever made. We still have arguments about splitting times/holidays but never in front of her (she's now 10). She now has a step-mom and step-dad and nice big non-traditional family. At times it's a pain for the adults, but she's incredibly smart and very happy.
 
2012-12-11 01:16:24 PM

megalynn44: Nuclear Monk: I'm surprised it's taken this long to be a topic...would have been more relavent in the 80's and 90's. Nowadays it seems that many parents just never bother getting married in the first place.

/not judging.

I can see why parents who are in a secure relationship with no foreseeable plans to separate would not want their small children being told all about divorce. It's just placing worry in them. It's kind of akin to showing 10 yr olds horror movies.


We went from "this might be our last councelling session, everything is going to be okay" and making plans for our anniversary to separated in under 24 hours. Now she's told the kids that her consort, "won't be your stepdad or anything".

Stability is relative.
 
2012-12-11 01:17:29 PM

megalynn44: Nuclear Monk: I'm surprised it's taken this long to be a topic...would have been more relavent in the 80's and 90's. Nowadays it seems that many parents just never bother getting married in the first place.

/not judging.

I can see why parents who are in a secure relationship with no foreseeable plans to separate would not want their small children being told all about divorce. It's just placing worry in them. It's kind of akin to showing 10 yr olds horror movies.


You must have voted for Romney because you obviously can't read.
 
2012-12-11 01:18:17 PM

Civchic: And angry (ex)husbands.


Divorce often has this outcome....and with good reason.
 
2012-12-11 01:22:58 PM
Where's the S&M episode?


misfit120.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-12-11 01:26:19 PM

Nurglitch: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Stone Meadow: Yeah, only in my case it was mommy who ran off to California leaving my dad with 5 kids and a crop in the field.

She picked a fine time to do that.

Presumably trying to avoid another god-awful harvest with that chump and his squawling brats. It's a matter of perspective, I guess.


Well, presumably they're also HER squawling brats.

Good word though. Sort of like whatever bad guy in Avengers says... mewling quim or something?
 
2012-12-11 01:31:49 PM

JackieRabbit: Civchic: And angry (ex)husbands.

Divorce often has this outcome....and with good reason.


I second this statement. I really wish I'd known I was marrying a lying, cowardly adulteress to start with.

Why yes, I did just file for divorce this week.
 
2012-12-11 01:37:41 PM
I blame the 50% divorce rate on unrealistic expectations. So many people seem to believe that marriage will save their relationship. Marriage is like a house and the relationship you have pre-marriage is the foundation on the house. I know people who fought 4 or more times a week and thought marriage would put an end to that. O_o Speaking of which, I hate it when people who are in FoF (Fighting or farking, where you're either fighting or farking each others brains out) relationships get divorced and people are all shocked. If you can't make it 2 - 3 days without having a giant fight with your spouse than maybe you two shouldn't be married.

I've seen two couples get a divorce this year because of what I would call "crowded" marriages. They end up with 25+ year old stepkids either living with them or spending 12+ hours a day at their house instead of looking for work, getting training etc. They lounge around all day, mooch the food etc but "oh no we can't ask them to help with bills, etc. They're going through a tough time."
 
2012-12-11 01:37:56 PM

Spindle: This is exactly what I'm going through right now. My wife officially blackmailed me three nights ago (you will drop the ad litem, give me the house and the kids, or I will call the police). I contacted the lawyer and they sent her a cease and decist letter.

She offered me a settlement last night, laughable, but I'm taking it as a good sign.



Well, here's what I can give you for advise as... well, she had free legal and I couldn't afford it so I represented myself.

1) always have a witness with you when around her

2) record times, events, discussion, on paper but audio recording (even video) if possible. If you can't use the audio/video in court, they can be used as transcripts... if accused of making things up, you can then attest that you have an actual recording of it if the judge would like to hear for themselves.

3) the moment that things are somewhat "friendly": get papers signed fast... odds are, it won't last.

4) be cold, be a machine, during discussions, and especially in court. Do not do anything out of anger or spite.

5) get it done as soon as possible, the faster it's over and done with, the faster you can rebuild your life. Material items are not important, they can be replaced. Get the important items such as pictures/videos of the kids and such duplicated.

6) If one or both get into new relationships, try to have the new people as little involved as possible unless they can handle the ex's BS.

My wife was very nice to my ex, despite the crap, and my wife's ex (yeah we both had kids with the exes) eventually stopped being a grade-A jerk. Expect the exes to have some sort of jealousy or anger towards to "new" person.

7) it only takes one to turn things into an argument. Walk away if you're feeling the scenario starting.

8) always put the kids first. Their well being is the top priority and be honest to them, and don't talk badly about the ex to them.


And good luck....
 
2012-12-11 01:38:54 PM

bemis23: I really wish I'd known I was marrying a lying, cowardly adulteress to start with.


If they came with warning labels that were accurate like that, nobody would ever get married.
 
2012-12-11 01:42:38 PM
This thread...

A++++++ EXCEEDS EXPECTATIONS FAST SHIPPING WOULD READ AGAIN
 
2012-12-11 01:43:37 PM
Divorce is totally fine for kids, just look at all the well adjusted FArkers in this thread.

Wow, seriously, you guys are a mess. There isn't enough vodka or therapy in the world for some of you, is there?
 
2012-12-11 01:47:47 PM

asmodeus224: Divorce is totally fine for kids, just look at all the well adjusted FArkers in this thread.

Wow, seriously, you guys are a mess. There isn't enough vodka or therapy in the world for some of you, is there?


Nope we just deal with it.
 
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