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(WFTV Orlando)   Santa overheats while giving kids candy, plans to wear bikini next year   ( divider line
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5806 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2003 at 6:04 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

19 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-12-08 02:50:37 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Like this?
2003-12-08 05:36:36 PM  
Yes, I do like that.

2003-12-08 06:07:51 PM  
80 degrees?

What a pussy.
2003-12-08 06:08:00 PM  
I guess that'll be what Neve Campbell will be doing next season after her comeback flops.
2003-12-08 06:08:58 PM  
Who *wouldn't* like that?
2003-12-08 06:09:44 PM  
At least he wasn't stabbed.
2003-12-08 06:14:23 PM  
Here's a pic that was sent back from Christmas 2004 via some time worm-hole thingee... mildly NSFW

2003-12-08 06:14:30 PM  
Given that the entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second, keeling over from the heat doesn't seem that unlikely.

A Scientific Inquiry into Santa Claus
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, & Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with. This is due to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits/second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has .001 second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles/household, a total trip of 75.5 million miles; not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding & etc. So Santa's sleigh must be moving at 650 miles/second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles/second. A conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles/hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 lb.), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 lb. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see #1) could pull 10 TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with 8, or even 9 reindeer. We need 214,200. This increases the payload - not counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. This is four times the weight of the ocean-liner Queen Elizabeth.

5) 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles/second creates enormous air resistance. This will heat up the reindeer up in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within .00426 of a second. Meanwhile, Santa will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-lb Santa (seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 lb. of force.

If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now.
2003-12-08 06:15:09 PM  
"Police and hospital officials refused to identify the middle-aged man.

He worries he'd be the laughing stock of the town of Georgetown. "

Now he's the laughing stock of FARK.

Wouldn't the "obvious" tag have been more appropriate?
2003-12-08 06:17:46 PM  
Yes, I'm sure he worries about being the laughing stock of FARK...
2003-12-08 06:18:05 PM  
He worries he'd be the laughing stock of the town of Georgetown.

HO HO HO!!! That's funny!
2003-12-08 06:31:58 PM  
seguenyc is giving me the evil eye. It's freaking me out.
2003-12-08 06:37:15 PM  
She can give me the evil eye any time, MMWWWRAAARRH
2003-12-08 06:41:02 PM  
Mrs Claus looks forward to Christmas Eve and Christmas morning all year. That's the only time she's not screamed at and berated by a fat guy in his underwear complaining about how hard he works one night a year. Then, while he's out galavanting all over who knows where, Mrs Clause quietly sits and plots his murder.
2003-12-08 07:05:27 PM  
I bet this guy is Michael Jackson, who else gets hot around kids?
2003-12-08 07:18:56 PM  
Eighty degrees!? Jesus' rancid ejaculate, I know he lives in the Arctic Circle, but that's weak.
2003-12-08 07:54:45 PM  
There is more to the story than just this 1 article.
It gets better!

First let me start by saying Guyana is humid as F*ck all year round, I know this from personal experience spending a month down there years ago.

Santa was giving out candy, the kids swarmed him and he passed out...... now here is where it gets better.
His wife, i guess u can say 'Mrs. Claus' had an asthma attack, then 2 other helpers 'Elves' i guess, vomit.... why I have no idea, but apparently they do.

2003-12-08 08:51:52 PM  
If Santa's going to be in a bikini next year, this should be tagged as "Scary".
2003-12-08 11:05:18 PM  
Santa passes out while handing out treats to a bunch of kids? LOL gee that wont traumatize them at all. ( It's ok Pepe, Santa always quits breathing and falls over when he's happy.)
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