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(Washington Post)   The Army sounds fat   ( ) divider line 7
    More: Interesting, fitness test, Persian Gulf War, video editors, Pakistani Taliban, military officials, sports training, fat  
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10222 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Dec 2012 at 4:41 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2012-12-11 01:49:37 AM  
3 votes:
Dewey Oxburger: My name's Dewey Oxburger. My friends call me Ox. You might have noticed that, uh, I've got a slight weight problem.

Soldiers: Nooo! Noooo!

Dewey Oxburger: Yeah, yeah I do. Yeah, I do. I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression... along with a lot of pizzas! Ha Ha Ha! Pizzas! I'm basically a shy person, I'm a shy guy. Uh, he suggested taking one these uh, aggression training courses. You know these aggression training courses like EST, those type of things. Anyway, it cost 400 bucks! 400 bucks to join this thing? Well I didn't have the money and I thought to myself, "Join the army"! It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds. And you got what, a 6 to 8 week training program here? A real tough one. Which is perfect for me.

[Looks around at all the soldiers and gestures emphatically]

Dewey Oxburger: I'm going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin' Machine! Ha ha ha ha!
2012-12-11 09:36:42 AM  
1 vote:

juvandy: It's time for a conscription program, IMO. The problem with an all-volunteer force is that you only attract the people who want to be there, or who have no other choice. Even in today's economy, and especially given the geopolitical climate, few people want to enlist, or have no other choice to get by. As a result, the military has to relax its enlistment standards during wartime, but also has to relax its "lifestyle" standards, both on the front and on base in order to make it attractive for those volunteers who don't just want to serve their countries. Most young Americans are used to a lazy, sedentary, digital lifestyle, and the military has had to accommodate, if not embrace, that lifestyle. Heck, a few years ago there was a documentary on a unit in the Korengal Valley, supposedly at the time one of the hottest parts of Afghanistan, and the guys were stationed in a firebase in the field that was often mortared, sniped, and machine-gunned, yet had bunks, x-boxes, internet, etc. No wonder they're having trouble meeting their fitness requirements!

Start a draft. Turn the military (or at least the infantry) back into the tough, miserable duty it is supposed to be (you know, killing others and risking death for your fellow citizens). Don't make it out to be some joyride camping trip in the boonies. Run their butts into the dirt and forge them into instruments of death. Many people have read or watched Band of Brothers- those guys had to run up and down Currahee Mountain in Toccoa, GA, pretty much every day of their training. If you've never seen the mountain itself, you should go check it out. It's the steepest 3 miles up a hill you've ever seen, especially the last mile. I don't personally know a single person who I honestly think could run that thing without stopping. An infantryman should be able to run that without breaking a sweat.

Is your armchair comfortable, General?
2012-12-11 05:04:02 AM  
1 vote:
This is going to end well.
2012-12-11 12:43:36 AM  
1 vote:
Our military is bloated in more ways than one...
2012-12-11 12:01:07 AM  
1 vote:
2012-12-10 11:43:25 PM  
1 vote:
Americans are fat. We're also the best at the military. And snack foods and Freedom.

Somehow we manage to do all that while being fat. Maybe being fat isn't the problem. Maybe other countries just suck at stuff.
2012-12-10 11:30:29 PM  
1 vote:
Go be fat elsewhere. No really, Private, you are fired.
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