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(io9)   Six good habits that can be learned from being bullied as a geeky kid. And yes, my little Trekkies, Ringers, Whovians, brown coats, and all the other young geeks and nerds: it gets better for you too   (io9.com ) divider line
    More: Interesting, tomato sauces, habits, Anne McCaffrey, Ursula Le Guin  
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13063 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Dec 2012 at 6:55 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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Archived thread
2012-12-10 05:38:38 PM  
25 votes:
Great list. Being quirky as an adult has serious benefits.

It's a hell of a lot easier to be comfortable in your own skin from the inside than from validation born of the validation of others.

/please vote "smart" for this post
2012-12-10 06:21:50 PM  
5 votes:
For those that won't click the link
1. Keep your tears bundled up inside - No one wants to see you cry at work
2. All that time spent organizing your Pokemon cards? Trains you for a long productive life working in administration
3. Making your own costumes and dressing up as your favorite SciFi characters? Teaches you how to sew, so you can tailor your own suits/shirts, saving you a ton of money and making you look sharp at job interviews
4. The alcohol tolerance you built-up from drinking alone in your room - Helps you keep your wits about you when making business deals over drinks with Russian or Japanese business people
5. The hatred for everyone around you? Makes you the perfect hatchetman when it comes to cost cutting. After all, had you known them in high school they likely would have bullied you. Now they're the ones sobbing on the way home, and you're getting a bonus for making the company more efficent
6. Friends, what are those? They're what holds you back by taking time away from work while you pretend to give two shiats about their life or look at photos of their kids. Your friendless lifestyle makes it that much easier to impress your boss with your commitment to the job by putting in those extra hours while all your coworkers are wasting their time hosing BBQ's for friends or going out to watch Timmy's soccer game.
2012-12-10 08:19:41 PM  
4 votes:

frak21: I had a Hate Patrol going through the 7th to about the 9th grade. One ringleader with about 4 henchmen and, of course, practically the rest of the school. They used to do everything in the article, including singing hate songs to me every day on the bus and doing everything they could to alienate me as a whole. All of them, working together, every day for years. It cumulated with a group of them hanging my beagle dog, Joker, in a tree in my back yard.

That damaged me and led to a number of suicide attempts followed by a life of inpatient hospitalizations for clinical depression and bi-polar syndrome. I didn't really shake free until I was in my mid 20's.

Now, in my 40's, I managed to locate the ringleader on facebook. He has three young kids and lives in Seattle. I verified it was him. I saw his signature on his paperwork and that's how I knew. I swear to god I was overwhelmed with the compulsion to drop everything and drive to Seattle for a surprise reunion. I thought about hanging one of his three young daughters in a tree in his back yard to see if he remembered me.

But revenge isn't an option. No matter how lasting the damage done. It would be wrong to do that, no matter how liberating. Sure he'd never see me coming. Sure he probably forgot about me entirely. Sure his pleas for mercy and forgiveness would soothe years of old trauma, especially when they went unanswered. Sure I would die happy hurting the things he loved and taunting him to make him cry about it. I'd kill myself on the scene, with a happy little smile because I had finally mastered the thing that destroyed my life so purposefully and so maliciously so long ago. It would be sweet, but it's not an option.

So the article rings for me. Tip of the Hat to the author. Thanks for something I can totally relate to and wise words for a broken soul that never really recovered. Oh, and I reflexively distrust popular people as well. There's a new one at work right now. I often have ...


Whilst you might get that revenge by meeting out the same punishment they gave you on them, I'd say you can STILL get revenge on them, and if you do it right, you'll break no laws, and face no comeback.

Happily married with kids? Kids are innocent, so ignore them. Go for the marriage. Plant stories about another woman. Hire some attractive girl to bang on his door and confess adultery to his wife (and flesh it out with details gleaned from your knowledge/surveillance of the target).
Go for his job. If he's in customer service, have a stream of complaints made by others, alleging everything they can. He'll get the sack. Or other ways if he's in other employment. Maybe have someone get into his social circle, and get him hooked on drugs of some kind, they're really good for farking you up. My point is that you can use rumour, speculation, gossip and a few well placed lies to destroy his life, utterly, without really breaking any laws, or doing anything that ties back to you....until of course you find him in an alleyway, begging for drug money etc.

Then you let him know it was all you.

I'm glad you're getting a lot better, but some people need to be destroyed utterly. Do it, but do it smart, legal, and leave his kids and wife out of it as much as possible...
2012-12-10 07:30:22 PM  
4 votes:
FWIW, junior high school girls are the secret weapon we should unleash upon the Taliban; they are hideous monsters of abuse and when grouped together have the power to make strong men cry.
2012-12-10 06:38:48 PM  
4 votes:

L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.


Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Yeah, about that: it makes for great cinema (see: A Christmas Story), but, nine times out of ten, the real life version of that does not end up with the bully wearing the cast.

The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.
2012-12-10 06:21:29 PM  
4 votes:

L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

None of this emo moping about and pretending that being bullied is some badge of honor.


Because it's not the beating that hurts; it's the humiliation. Nerds, dorks, dweebs, goobers alike all fear attention and further embarrassment. They just want the bully to go away in that moment. Escalating the situation seems like a bad idea, and many times it is.
2012-12-10 04:59:42 PM  
4 votes:
Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"
2012-12-10 08:34:52 PM  
3 votes:
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their loved ones.
2012-12-10 08:07:53 PM  
3 votes:
How about, if you're being bullied for being different - different is the key word. You and the bully are not into the same things. You probably will never be into the same things. They don't understand you and you don't understand them. Why the fark do you care about what someone so different from you thinks about you? They are not worth the attention. Roll with it. They call you names, roll your eyes. They persuade other kids to not sit by you, you go sit with the other bullied & outcast kids. Just don't give a shiat. Those other bullied kids are probably pretty cool and you're no better than them.

Now, if there is ever physical contact, that is something completely different. But until then, why give a fark? They are not your peer.

/speaking from experience. It takes awhile, but you can teach a kid not to care about this sort of thing and if you're still being bullied, it's never too late to learn.
2012-12-10 07:08:53 PM  
3 votes:

TV's Vinnie: 1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.


And you keep ignoring and keep going. It's not going to make the bullies stop, but it'll make it stop mattering to you.

The second-best day of my life is the day I realized that the opinions of the toolsheds that surrounded me in high school did not matter. Haters gonna hate, as the saying goes.
2012-12-10 08:19:02 PM  
2 votes:
I don't like mondays

I want to shoooot the whole day down. shoot it down.
2012-12-10 08:04:54 PM  
2 votes:
I had a Hate Patrol going through the 7th to about the 9th grade. One ringleader with about 4 henchmen and, of course, practically the rest of the school. They used to do everything in the article, including singing hate songs to me every day on the bus and doing everything they could to alienate me as a whole. All of them, working together, every day for years. It cumulated with a group of them hanging my beagle dog, Joker, in a tree in my back yard.

That damaged me and led to a number of suicide attempts followed by a life of inpatient hospitalizations for clinical depression and bi-polar syndrome. I didn't really shake free until I was in my mid 20's.

Now, in my 40's, I managed to locate the ringleader on facebook. He has three young kids and lives in Seattle. I verified it was him. I saw his signature on his paperwork and that's how I knew. I swear to god I was overwhelmed with the compulsion to drop everything and drive to Seattle for a surprise reunion. I thought about hanging one of his three young daughters in a tree in his back yard to see if he remembered me.

But revenge isn't an option. No matter how lasting the damage done. It would be wrong to do that, no matter how liberating. Sure he'd never see me coming. Sure he probably forgot about me entirely. Sure his pleas for mercy and forgiveness would soothe years of old trauma, especially when they went unanswered. Sure I would die happy hurting the things he loved and taunting him to make him cry about it. I'd kill myself on the scene, with a happy little smile because I had finally mastered the thing that destroyed my life so purposefully and so maliciously so long ago. It would be sweet, but it's not an option.

So the article rings for me. Tip of the Hat to the author. Thanks for something I can totally relate to and wise words for a broken soul that never really recovered. Oh, and I reflexively distrust popular people as well. There's a new one at work right now. I often have to subvert powerful impulses to suddenly thrust something sharp through their temples to save the world from another Hate Patrol.

But I subvert it every time. Sure I have a lot of venting to do, but I learned always to surpress it.

I'm feeling better every day. :)
2012-12-10 07:05:29 PM  
2 votes:
The bullying stopped when the kid bothering me found herself sprawled out on the floor.Turns out she was watching other kids pick on me and wanted to get on my last nerve so I'd actually do anything. She was lying on the floor saying, "It's about DAMN time." High school was awesome after that.

40 years later, we are still the best of friends.
2012-12-10 07:01:04 PM  
2 votes:
1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.

You have to treat being in school like your first day in prison. If you don't f*ck someone up hard the moment they try to test you, you're gonna be a b*tch to everyone else there for the rest of your days.
2012-12-11 11:43:33 AM  
1 vote:
In all seriousness....

Something that helped me understand the bullying in my own life was reading the chapter from Malcom Gladwell's "Outliers" where he explains the difference between herdsman society and agricultural society. Here's a quote:

"Cultures of honor tend to take root in highlands and other marginally fertile areas, such as Sicily or the mountainous Basque regions of Spain. If you live on some rocky mountainside, the explanation goes, you can't farm. You probably raise goats or sheep, and the kind of culture that grows up around being a herdsman is very different from the culture that grows up around growing crops. The survival of a farmer depends on the cooperation of others in the community. But a herdsman is off by himself. Farmers also don't have to worry that their livelihood will be stolen in the night, because crops can't easily be stolen unless, of course, a thief wants to go to the trouble of harvesting an entire field on his own. But a herdsman does have to worry. He's under constant threat of ruin through the loss of his animals. So he has to be aggressive: he has to make it clear, through his words and deeds, that he is not weak."

Among herdsmen, then, you've got to constantly prove your toughness. So bullying serves (if you've taken Sociology 101 you'll go "a-ha!") a functional purpose - it, and the victim's reaction to it, establish a toughness hierarchy. Essentially (and I know that this is male-centric, but it is what it is) the bully is giving you a chance to become a "man" by fighting back and proving your toughness.

Sorta works analogously to the comment upthread that, like in prison, at school you've got to fark someone up your first day or you'll be forever a sissy. In "honour cultures" you remain vigilant to threats and need to regularly prove your dominance.

But you're not a herdsman or an agriculturalist, right? You're a post-industrial urban capitalist, right? No, the idea is that your ethnicity's cultural baggage gets transmitted to you through your upbringing. It might be diluted over the generations but it's still there underneath all the layers of modernity.

After I read this in Gladwell's book, I realized that this chapter perfectly explained my own grade-school experiences with bullying. After all, my home town is made up almost entirely of the descendents of "herdsmen" tribes Gladwell describes - Irish, Scottish, Yugoslavian, Calabrian, Sicilian and so on. They were definitely the vast majority in the working-class neighbourhood I gew up in. So the bullying was really just an opportunity for me to prove my toughness, and I responded to it incorrectly most of the time by shying away from conflict.

Then later on I hit puberty and suddenly was bigger than everyone (despite being a year and a half younger), and the bullying died down cos I already had a reputation for losing my temper. Then in grade 9 I went into a blind rage one day and threw a bully across the hall into the lockers, and only a total moron would pick on me after that.

Basic point of all this is, all you guys who have talked about bullying in your own life should pick up Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers" (yes, even pay money for it, even if you're poor, it really is that good a book) and give it a good read.

It'll put your own past into perspective.

It might give you the beneficial attitude adjustment that you might not have made in school. Late is better than never.

It'll also (by extension) remind you that not all people bully, just those with a certain background; so those who were overly traumatized by their childhoods might just see all that hyper-vigilance and paranoia disappear.

It'll even remind you that some things you might construe as "bullying", if you've been turned into the hyper-vigilant type, aren't actually bullying, but just the friendly rough-housing that men from hill-tribe cultures always do with each other, kinda like the play-fighting between dogs, to ritually demonstrate and maintain the accepted dominance hierarchy.

It'll also help you understand that the bullies weren't "crazy evil psychopaths"; they were pretty normal kids (and even normal kids do sick shiat when they're in groups that get wound up and break free of social norms) who were behaving in a way that was socially productive in their ancestors' culture, but which is maladaptive in modern society.

Srsly buy Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers".
2012-12-10 11:20:09 PM  
1 vote:

LordBollocks: nhkab.webs.com


Columbine is interesting because it has come out that Harris was a psychopath and Klebold was clinically depressed and in search of an emotional outlet. Perhaps the massacre was premeditated on the notion of revenge killing, but it appears that Klebold was just looking for an excuse to kill. The kid was farking evil.
2012-12-10 11:07:51 PM  
1 vote:
CSB time, I hope I haven't told this one before.

So, one kid in my class was a real asshole. He was the head of a group of people (mostly girls) who would try to bully people at school. We fought...a lot. I was victorious most of the time. His older brother had it out for me (understandably), and once threw a pencil at me which stuck in my eyebrow. I pulled it out, snapped it in half, and tossed it back. The usual rich kids who didn't get into trouble.

I found out after high school that he was actually much worse than I thought. Turned out that one of the reasons that my little sister's male friends would hang out with me was because it was one of the few ways they knew they could be safe. He and his friends were..Lord of the Flies type bullies when they were out of school. It was really nasty, and I never knew about it. Just as well- I probably would have killed him.

So, twenty years later, out of the blue, the older brother emails me. Says he was sorry for throwing the pencil, and other things. I wrote back to the effect of 'If that was the worst thing you've done, you've lead a good life'. I understood he was standing up for his brother, and even though his brother was an asshole, I would expect nothing less. But that got me to wondering...what happened to the asshole? So my sister and I did some searching on the Internet.

He had committed suicide two weeks before the older brother emailed me.

My first thought was 'I wonder if I'm supposed to feel sad about this'. I didn't feel sad, or happy. Just didn't feel much of anything. Closed the chapter, shrugged, and moved on. I wonder if the kids he bullied know he's dead. I suspect they do.
2012-12-10 10:32:50 PM  
1 vote:

smeegle: doyner: Your 20s are for getting over it and finding yourself. High school is only a source of motivation. Nothing is lost until you're in your 30s. if you're not comfortable in your own skin by then....well, then you're farked.

Yup, while I think 32 is young, it's because I'm in my mid 50s. You are correct, act out in your 20s, get your shiat together in your 30s and move forward. That equation doesn't work for everyone though.
Give grace to that if you will.


None of the most compelling and insightful people I know were at the top of the social ladder in high school. Sure, the equation isn't universal, but it sure is the norm.
2012-12-10 10:29:31 PM  
1 vote:
i86.photobucket.com

There...we needed a new one.
2012-12-10 10:27:26 PM  
1 vote:

Rozinante: The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.

My grandfather was all of 5'2" when I knew him. One day, he got sick of he and the only chinese kid in school being bullied, so he beat the tar out of the biggest bully around with a broken hockey stick. The bully learned the error of his ways and they later became friends. The end.


That's nice.

And for every anecdote of the bullied kid showing up his tormentor, there are dozens where the kid gets stomped by the kid who's bigger and more aggressive than him. I'm glad it worked out for your grandfather, but it's still miserable advice.
2012-12-10 10:26:38 PM  
1 vote:
My feeling was that every time they managed to change my mood, the bulliies controlled me, and I decided they would no longer control me. From there on out, I would always laugh at them or ignore them. Worked just fine, off and on.
2012-12-10 10:13:42 PM  
1 vote:

Some 'Splainin' To Do: L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Yeah, about that: it makes for great cinema (see: A Christmas Story), but, nine times out of ten, the real life version of that does not end up with the bully wearing the cast.

The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.


In my experience it was true. React disproportionately violently to the largest one and their balls shrink real fast. One detention and smooth sailing henceforth. Worst case suffer a beating but stay locked onto one guy and mess him up real bad. No one will want to risk being that guy after that. Bottom line, if you're going the violent route you better have the conviction to follow through.
2012-12-10 09:54:49 PM  
1 vote:
Bullied.

Lived through it.

What's the big farking deal?

Back then, we called 'bullying' 'junior high school'.
2012-12-10 09:44:35 PM  
1 vote:

Omahawg: I've heard nerdy girls who were tormented in high school often feel a sense of self-empowerment in their later years by exposing their breasts to strangers on the internet.

i heard that. seriously.

eip


/waits...likely in vain. just like high school.


Nice try Einstein, that is funny though.
We do tend to like a good romp for sure. :)
2012-12-10 09:26:29 PM  
1 vote:

frak21: /not my personal army, nor do I desire their intervention. It's a personal matter.
//I can assure you that everything I've said here is true. This happened. Cincinnati in the early to mid 80's.


Didn't mean to imply that your story may be a lie. I believe you. I meant that they're more likely to have it out for a cat abuser than any other animal. For example, that British lady who was caught on camera throwing a kitten into a trash can.

They are no one's personal army but they do everything for the lulz. One only needs to get lucky about which anons they catch the attention of at that point in time. But, the best revenge is one where you can't be connected to it. They fall, you remain standing.

Just putting that suggestion out there. I've saved a few examples of them farking over assholes who deserved it. And they're scary good about finding people.

/Not advocating anything illegal, of course.
//The truth is often enough to condemn a man.
2012-12-10 09:22:32 PM  
1 vote:
Never had to deal with a bully until I moved across the country in middle school. The new school in an oil town was full of them, but they seemed to have enough targets in sight and I stayed mostly invisible until High School. Then the bullies found me, and thought they would have their fun. The leader, a rather tall jerk (seemed to be damn near 7' in Grade 12) who was the big popular athlete that no one opposed decided he wanted to take over part of the school gym that a couple friends and I were using to discuss some damn crazy plan or another. After telling him no the first time, he decided to use his size and stand over us and make us move. Almost by instinct (violent movies are excellent teachers), I reached up, grabbed him by the neck, pulled him down to my eye level, and gave him the crazy-eyed "No. Fark off" That was the last of it. His cohorts gave up, and word spread that our little group might all be psychos, and we should be left alone.

/yeah yeah CSB
2012-12-10 09:17:30 PM  
1 vote:
Dear peeps,
Revel in your nerd self, celebrate the geek that is you.
Enjoy the video games
Enjoy the deep discussions over a bong hit.
Get the courage to ask that hot chick out, call it practice for the real deal.
And know that in the end a white collar job is better than the blue collar job that your bullies are destined for.
2012-12-10 09:02:25 PM  
1 vote:

PanicMan: *fistbump* Pretty much my story exactly.


*bump*

One of the best things about the Internet is that it lets oddballs know that they have, and come in contact with, kindred spirits.
2012-12-10 08:41:27 PM  
1 vote:

frak21: Wizard Drongo: Whilst you might get that revenge by meeting out the same punishment they gave you on them, I'd say you can STILL get revenge on them, and if you do it right, you'll break no laws, and face no comeback.

Happily married with kids? Kids are innocent, so ignore them. Go for the marriage. Plant stories about another woman. Hire some attractive girl to bang on his door and confess adultery to his wife (and flesh it out with details gleaned from your knowledge/surveillance of the target).
Go for his job. If he's in customer service, have a stream of complaints made by others, alleging everything they can. He'll get the sack. Or other ways if he's in other employment. Maybe have someone get into his social circle, and get him hooked on drugs of some kind, they're really good for farking you up. My point is that you can use rumour, speculation, gossip and a few well placed lies to destroy his life, utterly, without really breaking any laws, or doing anything that ties back to you....until of course you find him in an alleyway, begging for drug money etc.

Then you let him know it was all you.

I'm glad you're getting a lot better, but some people need to be destroyed utterly. Do it, but do it smart, legal, and leave his kids and wife out of it as much as possible...


Thanks, but lately I've reduced it to simply borrowing a van and kidnapping his ass. Then it's off to a private little spot where he can be trussed up to a board and spend the next few days while I catch up on old times and explain to him with a rag and a garden hose just how life went by after we last parted.

Waterboarding is really neat stuff. It looks like just about anyone can do it, and with minimal preparation and risk. There aren't even any incriminating physical marks. Most importantly, the damage is permanent. I can actually break his soul.

But I need friends willing to go along with the plan. I've got good friends (I learned to sort out the shiatheads very early on), but I don ...


Not sure either, but this online admission will ensure your prosecution.
2012-12-10 08:40:35 PM  
1 vote:
There is only 1 bully I forgive. No matter how bad he beat me it was nothing compared to the daily beatings he received from his own father.
2012-12-10 08:37:10 PM  
1 vote:
What I found unfair...
Psychological abuse: Expected. It's character building.
Physical abuse: Frowned on, but tacitly condoned. It'll make a man out of you.
But wait outside your bully's house with a hockey stick, knock him down, cut off his ear and throw it on the roof of his garage and everyone is all OMG psychopath! Police! Courts, counselors!

But nobody is thinking about what was best for the bully. Doesn't he deserve to have some character? Shouldn't he be made into a man? I bet that guy has character and manlyness coming out his arsehole by now. But do I get any thanks? NOOO. Just condemnation.

/oh officer, I suddenly remembered where I put that ear. It's been what, 24 hours now? I bet it's too late to reattach it, isn't it? (heh heh heh)
2012-12-10 08:33:32 PM  
1 vote:

blueviking: megarian: smeegle: It's good to be a She Geek. Once I embraced my Nerdness, it was all good.
Have a great job, plenty of female companionship (helps to be a Lesbo)

Membership at a swanky gym/Spa. Cool guy pals with cool toys.
It's all good.

I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?

"Word" from another socially awkward chick.

I didn't get the hang of stuff until I embraced my nerd side during my sophomore year of college and just started saying "fark off" to the haters and naysayers. I still didn't have alot of female friends, mainly because my interests just didn't jive with most chicks around my area, but, in the past three years, I've met a group of equally weird women through my husband's work and we have a blast together. Sometimes, it's just luck for us geeks.


I think once one is comfortable in their skin, that comfort radiates outward and people like that.
Why be uneasy right?
Life is one great big adventure and we all get to drink it in.
ecl
2012-12-10 08:21:36 PM  
1 vote:

Wizard Drongo: frak21: I had a Hate Patrol going through the 7th to about the 9th grade. One ringleader with about 4 henchmen and, of course, practically the rest of the school. They used to do everything in the article, including singing hate songs to me every day on the bus and doing everything they could to alienate me as a whole. All of them, working together, every day for years. It cumulated with a group of them hanging my beagle dog, Joker, in a tree in my back yard.

That damaged me and led to a number of suicide attempts followed by a life of inpatient hospitalizations for clinical depression and bi-polar syndrome. I didn't really shake free until I was in my mid 20's.

Now, in my 40's, I managed to locate the ringleader on facebook. He has three young kids and lives in Seattle. I verified it was him. I saw his signature on his paperwork and that's how I knew. I swear to god I was overwhelmed with the compulsion to drop everything and drive to Seattle for a surprise reunion. I thought about hanging one of his three young daughters in a tree in his back yard to see if he remembered me.

But revenge isn't an option. No matter how lasting the damage done. It would be wrong to do that, no matter how liberating. Sure he'd never see me coming. Sure he probably forgot about me entirely. Sure his pleas for mercy and forgiveness would soothe years of old trauma, especially when they went unanswered. Sure I would die happy hurting the things he loved and taunting him to make him cry about it. I'd kill myself on the scene, with a happy little smile because I had finally mastered the thing that destroyed my life so purposefully and so maliciously so long ago. It would be sweet, but it's not an option.

So the article rings for me. Tip of the Hat to the author. Thanks for something I can totally relate to and wise words for a broken soul that never really recovered. Oh, and I reflexively distrust popular people as well. There's a new one at work right now. I of ...


You guys need therapy.
2012-12-10 08:21:17 PM  
1 vote:

Dinjiin: Some 'Splainin' To Do: Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Bullies are often bullies because they learn it from their parents at home. All of the guys who were bullies in my neighborhood came from the smallest, saddest homes on the block with the most outwardly dysfunctional families inside. All of the girls who were bullies came from the largest homes with water views, with trophy wives as mothers and corporate sociopaths as fathers.

So there are two schools of thought: offensive or defensive. Not making yourself a target, blending in better with the crowd and/or finding a group of friends are good defensive tactics. They'll just move onto the next loser who is worse than you. Offensive is tricky. You have to find them when they're alone and jump them, else their friends will jump in and overwhelm you. You have to keep at it until they realize the cost of taunting you isn't worth it. You also have to realize that until they give up, they'll try to get revenge on you because they're mean little bastards. That means you're going to get your ass kicked repeatedly. Learning to fight, or to fight dirty, can help. You might not get any better at doing it, but confidence goes a long ways.


/fought my way through grade and middle school
//blended my way through high school


Indeed.
Bullies are not worth the time of day and any angst one gives them only feeds their fire.
I don't have all of the answers but your points are so noted.
Girl bullies IMHO, are the worst. They go for the mental jugular, where guys just duke it out.
Eventually, one must learn the art of self defense. With girls, it's more of a mental thing.
As a lesbian, I have never understood how girls and women can be so damn mean to each other. It makes no sense to me. I was never like that as a kid and I just can't relate to it as an adult.

Women bully each other behind their backs, it's gross. They fight over men mostly. I'm not a guy but I'm guessing it's a turn off to the well adjusted men that don't need their ego boost from a cat fight.
But I digress. 
People in general, can be assholes if they are not happy with who they are.
2012-12-10 08:20:21 PM  
1 vote:

otalicus: I stopped getting bullied right after columbine. Apparently I looked like a person who would snap.

/wouldn't hurt a fly.


Heh. I knew a kid who started wearing a black trench coat to school right after Columbine for exactly that reason.
2012-12-10 08:06:56 PM  
1 vote:

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?


Bullies are often bullies because they learn it from their parents at home. All of the guys who were bullies in my neighborhood came from the smallest, saddest homes on the block with the most outwardly dysfunctional families inside. All of the girls who were bullies came from the largest homes with water views, with trophy wives as mothers and corporate sociopaths as fathers.

So there are two schools of thought: offensive or defensive. Not making yourself a target, blending in better with the crowd and/or finding a group of friends are good defensive tactics. They'll just move onto the next loser who is worse than you. Offensive is tricky. You have to find them when they're alone and jump them, else their friends will jump in and overwhelm you. You have to keep at it until they realize the cost of taunting you isn't worth it. You also have to realize that until they give up, they'll try to get revenge on you because they're mean little bastards. That means you're going to get your ass kicked repeatedly. Learning to fight, or to fight dirty, can help. You might not get any better at doing it, but confidence goes a long ways.


/fought my way through grade and middle school
//blended my way through high school
2012-12-10 08:02:53 PM  
1 vote:
FTA: 6. Give Up On Revenge

WTF? If there is one thing that I learned it is there is no such thing as karma. If a bully is deserving of revenge you have to dish it out yourself. Life will not serve it up to him.

My 6th grade bully won $26 million in the lottery. fark him!
ecl
2012-12-10 07:58:20 PM  
1 vote:

chopit: I was beaten and ridiculed daily for the three miserable years of middle school.

Now I'm a robotics engineer and semi-pro skydiver. Suck it, bullies. I farking won.


Sounds kind of like they won and you've been desperately trying to achieve as a petty way to "Get back" at them ever since.

home.roadrunner.com
2012-12-10 07:51:31 PM  
1 vote:
I was beaten and ridiculed daily for the three miserable years of middle school.

Now I'm a robotics engineer and semi-pro skydiver. Suck it, bullies. I farking won.
2012-12-10 07:50:36 PM  
1 vote:

TV's Vinnie: And when they switch from insults to fists?


Escalate:

news.stanford.edu
2012-12-10 07:47:40 PM  
1 vote:
I never had a problem with other kids in high school. I always just had problems with all the teachers and administrators.

If you want your kid to grow up to be an anti-authoritarian atheist, make sure to send them to a private christian school!
2012-12-10 07:42:50 PM  
1 vote:
I stopped getting bullied right after columbine. Apparently I looked like a person who would snap.

/wouldn't hurt a fly.
2012-12-10 07:36:54 PM  
1 vote:
I had a pencil jammed into my thigh in 6th grade by a bully. She's still fat and ugly. Elementary, Middle and most of high school was pure torture.

Counselors thought I didn't know how to make friends....I want to go back to that elementary school and give them the one fingers salute.

Best revenge is living life the way you want to, being successful, and letting all those horrible people to their own devices.
2012-12-10 07:29:16 PM  
1 vote:

TV's Vinnie: HeartBurnKid: TV's Vinnie: 1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.

And you keep ignoring and keep going. It's not going to make the bullies stop, but it'll make it stop mattering to you.

The second-best day of my life is the day I realized that the opinions of the toolsheds that surrounded me in high school did not matter. Haters gonna hate, as the saying goes.

And when they switch from insults to fists?


Then you fight right back with all you got. If you're gonna get your ass kicked you might as well go down swinging. That's life.

Life is rough. Wear a helmet.
2012-12-10 07:24:08 PM  
1 vote:
It's always been my expereince that bullies engage in this type of behaviour because they think they can get away with it. They pick their targets and focus on people who they know or at least strongly suspect won't retaliate. They carry on their activities in front of an audience who they know agrees with them. They use the lunch room and the class room more than the school yard because there is close adult supervision and they know where the line is that will get a teacher involved. The don't want you to feel bad as much as they want others to think higly of them.

Then again all middle schoolers are essentially sociopaths and should be caged from about 12 until 16 or so.
2012-12-10 07:18:59 PM  
1 vote:

orclover: Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.


Bitter much? How long are you going to let that shiat control you? Let it go, man. It's the only way to live a reasonably healthy emotional life. Good luck.
2012-12-10 07:17:40 PM  
1 vote:

orclover: Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.


You shouldn't say that. Someone has to make all the alcohol you drink. You might contribute a lot but it's so much easier to buy it instead of brewing it.
2012-12-10 07:15:43 PM  
1 vote:
Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.
TWX
2012-12-10 07:13:58 PM  
1 vote:
Learn to dance

Real partner dance, be it ballroom/smooth/latin/swing/square/two -step requires technical skill, and there are actually women there. Better yet, you get to put your hands all over them for five minutes and they thank you for it when you're done. It's an activity that requires at least a modicum of brains among men, who lead the dance, and it's very numbers-oriented.

I participated in several scenes. BBSing. user groups. High school marching band. Sci-fi/fantasy Fandom. Drum corps. Geeky side of college. Goth. Rocky Horror. Coffee houses. Alternative bookstores. Swing dancing is what ultimately worked. Now I have a beautiful rocket scientist wife who enjoys many of the same intellectual pursuits that I do and generally accepts those pursuits that she doesn't share.

/dnrtfa
2012-12-10 07:09:46 PM  
1 vote:

1. The weak will be dominated by the strong.


Is the one lesson my otherness taught me and I chose to get strong.
2012-12-10 07:08:50 PM  
1 vote:

TV's Vinnie: You have to treat being in school like your first day in prison. If you don't f*ck someone up hard the moment they try to test you, you're gonna be a b*tch to everyone else there for the rest of your days.


In junior high, I was gang-attacked by about 6 guys who were intent on giving me a swirly. Just as they got me into the stall, I freed my arms and swung blindly and wildly, striking many of them in the face and causing them to scatter. Days later, one of them sullenly told me, "you didn't have to hit me in the face." Putz. There were no more swirly attempts.
2012-12-10 07:07:48 PM  
1 vote:

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: doyner: /please vote "smart" for this post

Seriously? That's just sad.


Oh, I get it. Turns out I'm an idiot.
2012-12-10 07:05:08 PM  
1 vote:
Goddamnit, please stop encouraging the Bronies.

Please.
2012-12-10 07:04:17 PM  
1 vote:

doyner: /please vote "smart" for this post


Seriously? That's just sad.
2012-12-10 07:00:22 PM  
1 vote:
Depending on the nerd level, life usually works out very well for you around 25-30 years of age and only gets better.

The inverse is usually true for other students (unless they go to the NFL or MLB)
2012-12-10 06:24:07 PM  
1 vote:

L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

None of this emo moping about and pretending that being bullied is some badge of honor.


Ain't never been in a fair fight. As a geek it's always many on one if shiat starts.

That said, rarely was I bullied. No passion in my school.
2012-12-10 06:10:04 PM  
1 vote:
What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

None of this emo moping about and pretending that being bullied is some badge of honor.
2012-12-10 05:43:24 PM  
1 vote:
ourprerogative.files.wordpress.com
2012-12-10 04:37:34 PM  
1 vote:
Is "keep your head down and fit in" on that list?
 
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