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(io9)   Six good habits that can be learned from being bullied as a geeky kid. And yes, my little Trekkies, Ringers, Whovians, brown coats, and all the other young geeks and nerds: it gets better for you too   (io9.com) divider line 248
    More: Interesting, tomato sauces, habits, Anne McCaffrey, Ursula Le Guin  
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13063 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Dec 2012 at 6:55 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



248 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-12-10 04:37:34 PM  
Is "keep your head down and fit in" on that list?
 
2012-12-10 04:50:49 PM  
You just got to stop hitting yourself.
 
2012-12-10 04:56:01 PM  
how is "How to take a punch" not on that list?
 
2012-12-10 04:59:42 PM  
Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"
 
2012-12-10 05:15:29 PM  
Where is "Kill yourself so that your tormentors can be sent to PMITA prison by an after-the-fact vengeful ex post facto mob?"
 
2012-12-10 05:16:52 PM  
Imagining you are cutting them down like wheat with your +5 Battle Axe of Slaying strangely not on the list.

It worked so well for me.
 
2012-12-10 05:38:38 PM  
Great list. Being quirky as an adult has serious benefits.

It's a hell of a lot easier to be comfortable in your own skin from the inside than from validation born of the validation of others.

/please vote "smart" for this post
 
2012-12-10 05:43:24 PM  
ourprerogative.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-12-10 06:04:12 PM  
I was a dork in high school and the result has been mostly becoming an adult with Dexter like ambitions for people I loathe. If only I owned a boat.
 
2012-12-10 06:10:04 PM  
What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

None of this emo moping about and pretending that being bullied is some badge of honor.
 
2012-12-10 06:21:29 PM  

L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

None of this emo moping about and pretending that being bullied is some badge of honor.


Because it's not the beating that hurts; it's the humiliation. Nerds, dorks, dweebs, goobers alike all fear attention and further embarrassment. They just want the bully to go away in that moment. Escalating the situation seems like a bad idea, and many times it is.
 
2012-12-10 06:21:50 PM  
For those that won't click the link
1. Keep your tears bundled up inside - No one wants to see you cry at work
2. All that time spent organizing your Pokemon cards? Trains you for a long productive life working in administration
3. Making your own costumes and dressing up as your favorite SciFi characters? Teaches you how to sew, so you can tailor your own suits/shirts, saving you a ton of money and making you look sharp at job interviews
4. The alcohol tolerance you built-up from drinking alone in your room - Helps you keep your wits about you when making business deals over drinks with Russian or Japanese business people
5. The hatred for everyone around you? Makes you the perfect hatchetman when it comes to cost cutting. After all, had you known them in high school they likely would have bullied you. Now they're the ones sobbing on the way home, and you're getting a bonus for making the company more efficent
6. Friends, what are those? They're what holds you back by taking time away from work while you pretend to give two shiats about their life or look at photos of their kids. Your friendless lifestyle makes it that much easier to impress your boss with your commitment to the job by putting in those extra hours while all your coworkers are wasting their time hosing BBQ's for friends or going out to watch Timmy's soccer game.
 
2012-12-10 06:24:07 PM  

L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

None of this emo moping about and pretending that being bullied is some badge of honor.


Ain't never been in a fair fight. As a geek it's always many on one if shiat starts.

That said, rarely was I bullied. No passion in my school.
 
2012-12-10 06:38:48 PM  

L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.


Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Yeah, about that: it makes for great cinema (see: A Christmas Story), but, nine times out of ten, the real life version of that does not end up with the bully wearing the cast.

The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.
 
2012-12-10 06:57:55 PM  
I think 'Always distrust popularity' is not necessarily a good thing. Conforming for conforming's sake is not a good idea, but frankly there is a reason societal norms exist.

/not popular in HS
//not a nerd either
 
2012-12-10 06:58:15 PM  

real_headhoncho: "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"


That's what I did. It worked for me
 
2012-12-10 07:00:22 PM  
Depending on the nerd level, life usually works out very well for you around 25-30 years of age and only gets better.

The inverse is usually true for other students (unless they go to the NFL or MLB)
 
2012-12-10 07:01:04 PM  
1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.

You have to treat being in school like your first day in prison. If you don't f*ck someone up hard the moment they try to test you, you're gonna be a b*tch to everyone else there for the rest of your days.
 
2012-12-10 07:02:31 PM  
The most popular kids in high school go on to earn higher wages than the least popular - as much as 10 percent 40 years after graduation, according to a new study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research. Researchers say students with better social skills do better when they enter the workplace.
 
2012-12-10 07:02:47 PM  
Best of all, being bullied taught me to question popularity of all kinds, whether it's in Hollywood and the White House, or on Facebook and the Nobel Prize list. Just because everybody likes it doesn't mean it's good.

You know those Nobel Prize guys, a bunch of remorseless bullies out to destroy the geeks and nerds of the world. 
I can't even walk in my neighborhood any more without a chemistry or medical recipient giving me a hard time.
 
2012-12-10 07:04:09 PM  
Nothing good comes from bullying.
 
2012-12-10 07:04:13 PM  
If you have any athletic ability, and any tolerance for pain, play Pop Warner football when you're 7-12. You will a) gain a reputation for a certain amount of toughness and more importantly b) have a bunch of big jock friends who will fark up anyone who tries to bully you.

Worked for me, and I was 4-8, 70 pounds in 7th grade.

/Also, help your jock friends cheat on tests.
 
2012-12-10 07:04:17 PM  

doyner: /please vote "smart" for this post


Seriously? That's just sad.
 
2012-12-10 07:05:08 PM  
Goddamnit, please stop encouraging the Bronies.

Please.
 
2012-12-10 07:05:14 PM  

ShawnDoc: 6. Friends, what are those? They're what holds you back by taking time away from work while you pretend to give two shiats about their life or look at photos of their kids. Your friendless lifestyle makes it that much easier to impress your boss with your commitment to the job by putting in those extra hours while all your coworkers are wasting their time hosing BBQ's for friends or going out to watch Timmy's soccer game.


Some nerds end up making enough money to have other people hose their BBQ for them.
 
2012-12-10 07:05:29 PM  
The bullying stopped when the kid bothering me found herself sprawled out on the floor.Turns out she was watching other kids pick on me and wanted to get on my last nerve so I'd actually do anything. She was lying on the floor saying, "It's about DAMN time." High school was awesome after that.

40 years later, we are still the best of friends.
 
2012-12-10 07:06:00 PM  
This is one of the worst lists I have ever read on Fark.

Bullying doesn't teach anything.
 
2012-12-10 07:07:48 PM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: doyner: /please vote "smart" for this post

Seriously? That's just sad.


Oh, I get it. Turns out I'm an idiot.
 
2012-12-10 07:08:26 PM  

albuquerquehalsey: The most popular kids in high school go on to earn higher wages than the least popular - as much as 10 percent 40 years after graduation, according to a new study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research. Researchers say students with better social skills do better when they enter the workplace.


Drinkers earn more money too Link
 
2012-12-10 07:08:50 PM  

TV's Vinnie: You have to treat being in school like your first day in prison. If you don't f*ck someone up hard the moment they try to test you, you're gonna be a b*tch to everyone else there for the rest of your days.


In junior high, I was gang-attacked by about 6 guys who were intent on giving me a swirly. Just as they got me into the stall, I freed my arms and swung blindly and wildly, striking many of them in the face and causing them to scatter. Days later, one of them sullenly told me, "you didn't have to hit me in the face." Putz. There were no more swirly attempts.
 
2012-12-10 07:08:53 PM  

TV's Vinnie: 1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.


And you keep ignoring and keep going. It's not going to make the bullies stop, but it'll make it stop mattering to you.

The second-best day of my life is the day I realized that the opinions of the toolsheds that surrounded me in high school did not matter. Haters gonna hate, as the saying goes.
 
2012-12-10 07:09:07 PM  

real_headhoncho: Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"


That second one was all I needed in school. Never got bullied at the school I was at most, and I only had to choke one kid at the "new" school I moved to Sophmore year. After that, I think it really sank in that if you left me alone, I wouldn't acknowledge you in the least. Try to shove your friend in to me every day in between classes, and I'll spit in your face and tell you I'd die smiling as long as I was wearing your face like a mask.

/that kid was such a pussy
 
2012-12-10 07:09:46 PM  

1. The weak will be dominated by the strong.


Is the one lesson my otherness taught me and I chose to get strong.
 
2012-12-10 07:10:43 PM  
FTA: 6. Give Up On Revenge

No.

img10.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-10 07:10:49 PM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: doyner: /please vote "smart" for this post

Seriously? That's just sad.


media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-10 07:11:08 PM  
bullies
the unpaid warden assistants of school

p*ss off the teacher and they withdraw "protection" from the bullies
 
2012-12-10 07:13:22 PM  

Diogenes Teufelsdrockh: FTA: 6. Give Up On Revenge

No.

[img10.imageshack.us image 320x240]


25.media.tumblr.com
 
TWX
2012-12-10 07:13:58 PM  
Learn to dance

Real partner dance, be it ballroom/smooth/latin/swing/square/two -step requires technical skill, and there are actually women there. Better yet, you get to put your hands all over them for five minutes and they thank you for it when you're done. It's an activity that requires at least a modicum of brains among men, who lead the dance, and it's very numbers-oriented.

I participated in several scenes. BBSing. user groups. High school marching band. Sci-fi/fantasy Fandom. Drum corps. Geeky side of college. Goth. Rocky Horror. Coffee houses. Alternative bookstores. Swing dancing is what ultimately worked. Now I have a beautiful rocket scientist wife who enjoys many of the same intellectual pursuits that I do and generally accepts those pursuits that she doesn't share.

/dnrtfa
 
2012-12-10 07:14:15 PM  

ShawnDoc: 4. The alcohol tolerance you built-up from drinking alone in your room - Helps you keep your wits about you when making business deals over drinks with Russian or Japanese business people
5. The hatred for everyone around you? Makes you the perfect hatchetman when it comes to cost cutting. After all, had you known them in high school they likely would have bullied you. Now they're the ones sobbing on the way home, and you're getting a bonus for making the company more efficent
6. Friends, what are those? They're what holds you back by taking time away from work while you pretend to give two shiats about their life or look at photos of their kids. Your friendless lifestyle makes it that much easier to impress your boss with your commitment to the job by putting in those extra hours while all your coworkers are wasting their time hosing BBQ's for friends or going out to watch Timmy's soccer game.


Those are surprisingly relevant to me and kinda bleak and dark.
 
2012-12-10 07:15:43 PM  
Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.
 
2012-12-10 07:16:06 PM  

wildcardjack: ShawnDoc: 4. The alcohol tolerance you built-up from drinking alone in your room - Helps you keep your wits about you when making business deals over drinks with Russian or Japanese business people
5. The hatred for everyone around you? Makes you the perfect hatchetman when it comes to cost cutting. After all, had you known them in high school they likely would have bullied you. Now they're the ones sobbing on the way home, and you're getting a bonus for making the company more efficent
6. Friends, what are those? They're what holds you back by taking time away from work while you pretend to give two shiats about their life or look at photos of their kids. Your friendless lifestyle makes it that much easier to impress your boss with your commitment to the job by putting in those extra hours while all your coworkers are wasting their time hosing BBQ's for friends or going out to watch Timmy's soccer game.

Those are surprisingly relevant to me and kinda bleak and dark.


Aaaaaand another sociopath heard from.
 
2012-12-10 07:16:48 PM  

ko_kyi: ShawnDoc: 6. Friends, what are those? They're what holds you back by taking time away from work while you pretend to give two shiats about their life or look at photos of their kids. Your friendless lifestyle makes it that much easier to impress your boss with your commitment to the job by putting in those extra hours while all your coworkers are wasting their time hosing BBQ's for friends or going out to watch Timmy's soccer game.

Some nerds end up making enough money to have other people hose their BBQ for them.


Ladies and gentlemen, the feared typo bully!
 
2012-12-10 07:17:40 PM  

orclover: Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.


You shouldn't say that. Someone has to make all the alcohol you drink. You might contribute a lot but it's so much easier to buy it instead of brewing it.
 
2012-12-10 07:18:09 PM  

real_headhoncho: Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"


This. That worked very well for the four school I attended to.
 
2012-12-10 07:18:20 PM  

orclover: Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.


Obviously you were home schooled.
 
2012-12-10 07:18:59 PM  

orclover: Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.


Bitter much? How long are you going to let that shiat control you? Let it go, man. It's the only way to live a reasonably healthy emotional life. Good luck.
 
2012-12-10 07:20:24 PM  
I used to play D&D and read comic books. Then I got laid and starting playing guitar, and got laid a lot more. Never been bullied. Never a bully.

/wow there some sad little stories on this thread so far.
 
2012-12-10 07:20:53 PM  

Rezurok: Louisiana_Sitar_Club: doyner: /please vote "smart" for this post

Seriously? That's just sad.

[media.tumblr.com image 452x339]


Yes, yes. I've already owned my idiocy. Check my second post.
 
2012-12-10 07:23:07 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Yeah, about that: it makes for great cinema (see: A Christmas Story), but, nine times out of ten, the real life version of that does not end up with the bully wearing the cast.

The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.


I don't advice nerds to punch the bully.

I advise nerds to take up some kind of martial art. It'll do wonders for self-discipline, keeping calm, and self-esteem. And if really really needed, you can break the bully's arms in under five seconds.
 
2012-12-10 07:24:08 PM  
It's always been my expereince that bullies engage in this type of behaviour because they think they can get away with it. They pick their targets and focus on people who they know or at least strongly suspect won't retaliate. They carry on their activities in front of an audience who they know agrees with them. They use the lunch room and the class room more than the school yard because there is close adult supervision and they know where the line is that will get a teacher involved. The don't want you to feel bad as much as they want others to think higly of them.

Then again all middle schoolers are essentially sociopaths and should be caged from about 12 until 16 or so.
 
2012-12-10 07:24:11 PM  

HeartBurnKid: TV's Vinnie: 1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.

And you keep ignoring and keep going. It's not going to make the bullies stop, but it'll make it stop mattering to you.

The second-best day of my life is the day I realized that the opinions of the toolsheds that surrounded me in high school did not matter. Haters gonna hate, as the saying goes.


And when they switch from insults to fists?
 
2012-12-10 07:24:38 PM  

redmid17: orclover: Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.

You shouldn't say that. Someone has to make all the alcohol you drink. You might contribute a lot but it's so much easier to buy it instead of brewing it.


I do both, got 5 gallons of cider going right now. And 5 bottles of Smirnoff that wont make it through the month. I would blow my brains out, but at this point I dont want to give you people the satisfaction. For all the rape and pain of public school I just wish I could set fire to the world, but that power goes to the bullies, never to crying little biatches like me. farking whole world will still be here in January too and it makes me sick.

/oh look time to add Kahlua and milk!
 
ecl
2012-12-10 07:26:17 PM  
Charlie Sheen called and said being a pathetic drug addict is ok because 10-15 years down the line everything is gonna be just dandy. So stop being dweebs and just take the drugs.
 
2012-12-10 07:26:31 PM  
Nah. I'm sorta a big one for revenge. I've had two great moments of revenge in my life, and they were great.
 
2012-12-10 07:27:19 PM  
Thank you.
 
2012-12-10 07:28:08 PM  
Tenebreaux.
 
2012-12-10 07:28:43 PM  
Burma Shave.
 
2012-12-10 07:29:16 PM  

TV's Vinnie: HeartBurnKid: TV's Vinnie: 1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.

And you keep ignoring and keep going. It's not going to make the bullies stop, but it'll make it stop mattering to you.

The second-best day of my life is the day I realized that the opinions of the toolsheds that surrounded me in high school did not matter. Haters gonna hate, as the saying goes.

And when they switch from insults to fists?


Then you fight right back with all you got. If you're gonna get your ass kicked you might as well go down swinging. That's life.

Life is rough. Wear a helmet.
 
2012-12-10 07:30:22 PM  
FWIW, junior high school girls are the secret weapon we should unleash upon the Taliban; they are hideous monsters of abuse and when grouped together have the power to make strong men cry.
 
2012-12-10 07:30:26 PM  

ShawnDoc: 5. The hatred for everyone around you? Makes you the perfect hatchetman when it comes to cost cutting. After all, had you known them in high school they likely would have bullied you. Now they're the ones sobbing on the way home, and you're getting a bonus for making the company more efficent


i223.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-10 07:32:00 PM  
Being bullied when I was young made my paranoid.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?????
 
2012-12-10 07:32:17 PM  

angry bunny: I

Then again all middle schoolers are essentially sociopaths and should be caged from about 12 until 16 or so.


They are like really smart chimps. It's a hierarchical social structure where dominance is shown by calling the least threatening kids "fags"
/I agree with a lot of other posters, if you're a scrawny teen...the crazy eyes is the way to go.
4.bp.blogspot.com
And learn to take a punch.
 
2012-12-10 07:33:27 PM  

redmid17: I think 'Always distrust popularity' is not necessarily a good thing. Conforming for conforming's sake is not a good idea, but frankly there is a reason societal norms exist.

/not popular in HS
//not a nerd either


wow do i pity you. please don't pass this advice on to your children when the time comes.

orclover: redmid17: orclover: Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.

You shouldn't say that. Someone has to make all the alcohol you drink. You might contribute a lot but it's so much easier to buy it instead of brewing it.

I do both, got 5 gallons of cider going right now. And 5 bottles of Smirnoff that wont make it through the month. I would blow my brains out, but at this point I dont want to give you people the satisfaction. For all the rape and pain of public school I just wish I could set fire to the world, but that power goes to the bullies, never to crying little biatches like me. farking whole world will still be here in January too and it makes me sick.

/oh look time to add Kahlua and milk!


nice. you live in paradise and have so many advantages over so many other people yet you choose to pity yourself and hide in a bottle. maybe one day you'll buy a backbone or a set of balls on eBay and start acting like an adult. probably not.

/it takes courage to suicide, you spineless fark
 
2012-12-10 07:34:12 PM  

Spanky McStupid: FWIW, junior high school girls are the secret weapon we should unleash upon the Taliban; they are hideous monsters of abuse and when grouped together have the power to make strong men cry.


Concurs...

www.cinema-crazed.com
 
2012-12-10 07:35:16 PM  
Kick to the gut and a Stunner.

/make em laugh
 
2012-12-10 07:35:28 PM  
I don't understand why she didn't just give every dude in school a bj.

Made girls in my high school pretty popular.
 
2012-12-10 07:36:04 PM  
Oh, this is is something all of you people can relate to.
 
2012-12-10 07:36:54 PM  
I had a pencil jammed into my thigh in 6th grade by a bully. She's still fat and ugly. Elementary, Middle and most of high school was pure torture.

Counselors thought I didn't know how to make friends....I want to go back to that elementary school and give them the one fingers salute.

Best revenge is living life the way you want to, being successful, and letting all those horrible people to their own devices.
 
2012-12-10 07:37:40 PM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Rezurok: Louisiana_Sitar_Club: doyner: /please vote "smart" for this post

Seriously? That's just sad.

[media.tumblr.com image 452x339]

Yes, yes. I've already owned my idiocy. Check my second post.


Yeah, I know...it takes time to find the right picture, dammit!
 
2012-12-10 07:38:39 PM  

megarian: I don't understand why she didn't just give every dude in school a bj.

Made girls in my high school pretty popular.


Not with the other girls.
 
2012-12-10 07:38:44 PM  
Just beat the crap out of the toughest kid in school and your home free. Worked for me.
 
2012-12-10 07:39:21 PM  

Coastalgrl: Best revenge is living life the way you want to, being successful, and letting all those horrible people to their own devices.


There is a flaw in that theory. Bullies don't always get some kind of cosmic cumuppance. It's a pretty effective strategy when you get right down to it, and it can really be rewarded in the workplace.

/watched it happen plenty.
 
2012-12-10 07:41:15 PM  

TV's Vinnie: HeartBurnKid: TV's Vinnie: 1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.

And you keep ignoring and keep going. It's not going to make the bullies stop, but it'll make it stop mattering to you.

The second-best day of my life is the day I realized that the opinions of the toolsheds that surrounded me in high school did not matter. Haters gonna hate, as the saying goes.

And when they switch from insults to fists?


Then you hit back, and try your damnedest to break something when you do.
 
2012-12-10 07:41:17 PM  
A hat pin.

Invisible in a scuffle, disappears in a flash.
 
2012-12-10 07:42:08 PM  
MY GOD, am i the only one to post this?

FARK - teaching you valuable life skills since yo daddy learned to click n' drag (well, the click part, anyway)

img339.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-10 07:42:50 PM  
I stopped getting bullied right after columbine. Apparently I looked like a person who would snap.

/wouldn't hurt a fly.
 
2012-12-10 07:43:25 PM  
Do you know what I learned about bullies?

It's a shortened story.

Know that:

Before they hit, you cannot prepare.

When they hit, it is never as bad as they threatened.

After they hit, you hit them back harder than they ever thought you capable of.

You teach the bully a lesson in awareness.

They are now aware.

And they won't bother you again.

Usually.
 
2012-12-10 07:44:01 PM  

ShawnDoc: megarian: I don't understand why she didn't just give every dude in school a bj.

Made girls in my high school pretty popular.

Not with the other girls.


Also, be the girl that provides wine coolers and flavored vodka to social functions.

/I was not very popular. Surprise.
 
2012-12-10 07:44:18 PM  
Moving every 1-2 years my whole life taught me how to easily make short term friends. It's the long term ones I have problems with.
 
2012-12-10 07:45:31 PM  

PanicMan: Moving every 1-2 years my whole life taught me how to easily make short term friends. It's the long term ones I have problems with.


This.
 
2012-12-10 07:47:07 PM  

over_and_done: I advise nerds to take up some kind of martial art. It'll do wonders for self-discipline, keeping calm, and self-esteem. And if really really needed, you can break the bully's arms in under five seconds wrist and walk away.


sitelife.runnersworld.com
 
2012-12-10 07:47:40 PM  
I never had a problem with other kids in high school. I always just had problems with all the teachers and administrators.

If you want your kid to grow up to be an anti-authoritarian atheist, make sure to send them to a private christian school!
 
2012-12-10 07:47:42 PM  

megarian: PanicMan: Moving every 1-2 years my whole life taught me how to easily make short term friends. It's the long term ones I have problems with.

This.


I was an Army brat. The first time I went to the same school twice was 11th grade. It really messed with my head to know who everyone was and where everything was the first day. Moving is easy for me. Staying is hard.

You?
 
2012-12-10 07:50:36 PM  

TV's Vinnie: And when they switch from insults to fists?


Escalate:

news.stanford.edu
 
2012-12-10 07:51:31 PM  
I was beaten and ridiculed daily for the three miserable years of middle school.

Now I'm a robotics engineer and semi-pro skydiver. Suck it, bullies. I farking won.
 
2012-12-10 07:53:04 PM  
I put up with abuse for a year and a half. Til the main abuser wouldn't let it up one day at lunch. So I strung together as many insults as my 11 year old brain could think up and then some. He took off and never gave me crap again, nor did anyone else (other than the occasional girl who would shut up pretty quick with just a look and one instance on a bus after I stood up for some other kid they were harassing (it's funny to see their faces when the tiny quiet girl suddenly bellows obscenities loud enough for the whole bus to hear, no matter how noisy)). I wasn't the most popular kid in school after that, but I did alright - most people knew me and almost no one hated me. No way I would ever just put up with that sort of crap and just hope it stops again.

High school was mostly AP courses, so I didn't interact with most of the rest of the student body very much. There was some sexism from time to time, but not too much in the way of bullying.

/Probably helps, though, that in middle school most of the boys known for being bullies asked me out at least once
//I always suspected their intentions anyway
//But the one boy asked a couple of times during and after the time he was stuck next to me by our science teacher to "help his grades"
 
2012-12-10 07:53:07 PM  

PanicMan: megarian: PanicMan: Moving every 1-2 years my whole life taught me how to easily make short term friends. It's the long term ones I have problems with.

This.

I was an Army brat. The first time I went to the same school twice was 11th grade. It really messed with my head to know who everyone was and where everything was the first day. Moving is easy for me. Staying is hard.

You?


Auto industry brat. Every time a plant would close, we would move somewhere completely outrageous. Usually near an Air Force base. I went to 3 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 3 high schools. I love moving. I get uncomfortable when I stay too long.

Also, I am the worst at being a long-term friend ever ever ever.
 
2012-12-10 07:54:12 PM  

toraque: I never had a problem with other kids in high school. I always just had problems with all the teachers and administrators.

If you want your kid to grow up to be an anti-authoritarian atheist, make sure to send them to a private christian school!


I learned all about Misandry, long before I knew the word for it thanks to my Elementary and Jr High teachers.
 
2012-12-10 07:55:26 PM  

real_headhoncho: Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"


Nah, one of the comments said exactly that :)

I never really had those issues. I had a friend who was an outcast that people loved to pick on. Blows my mind why they would keep tormenting him considering his one reaction was to fight, he never lost a fight, not even any close fights, ever. Also, if anyone said anything that offended him to me he would beat the shait out of them. Unless I told him not to :)

Good friend to have when you were small and mouthy :)
 
2012-12-10 07:55:53 PM  

Rezurok: Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Rezurok: Louisiana_Sitar_Club: doyner: /please vote "smart" for this post

Seriously? That's just sad.

[media.tumblr.com image 452x339]

Yes, yes. I've already owned my idiocy. Check my second post.

Yeah, I know...it takes time to find the right picture, dammit!


Yet you still posted it. You are cold blooded.  ;)
 
2012-12-10 07:56:05 PM  
bully those even weaker than you

fight back, dirty

also what orclover said
 
ecl
2012-12-10 07:58:20 PM  

chopit: I was beaten and ridiculed daily for the three miserable years of middle school.

Now I'm a robotics engineer and semi-pro skydiver. Suck it, bullies. I farking won.


Sounds kind of like they won and you've been desperately trying to achieve as a petty way to "Get back" at them ever since.

home.roadrunner.com
 
2012-12-10 07:59:01 PM  

Omahawg: bully those even weaker than you

fight back, dirty

also what orclover said

bully-chain

 
2012-12-10 07:59:39 PM  

Indubitably: Omahawg: bully those even weaker than you

fight back, dirty

also what orclover said

bully-chain


"You can pull a car with that..."
 
2012-12-10 08:00:02 PM  

highendmighty: TV's Vinnie: You have to treat being in school like your first day in prison. If you don't f*ck someone up hard the moment they try to test you, you're gonna be a b*tch to everyone else there for the rest of your days.

In junior high, I was gang-attacked by about 6 guys who were intent on giving me a swirly. Just as they got me into the stall, I freed my arms and swung blindly and wildly, striking many of them in the face and causing them to scatter. Days later, one of them sullenly told me, "you didn't have to hit me in the face." Putz. There were no more swirly attempts.


I had a similar experience. Swirlys / swirlies were part of sports initiation. When i was a freshman 4 juniors scooped me up easily (I was like 5'5" 100 lbs then) carried me into the locker room and got the stall. Only one of them could fit in the stall so they had to loosen their grip up. I start punching, kicking, biting and they never managed to get me in the toilet.

The only swirlie i have ever had was a dare from hot chick. It was a great investment :)
 
2012-12-10 08:00:15 PM  

megarian: PanicMan: megarian: PanicMan: Moving every 1-2 years my whole life taught me how to easily make short term friends. It's the long term ones I have problems with.

This.

I was an Army brat. The first time I went to the same school twice was 11th grade. It really messed with my head to know who everyone was and where everything was the first day. Moving is easy for me. Staying is hard.

You?

Auto industry brat. Every time a plant would close, we would move somewhere completely outrageous. Usually near an Air Force base. I went to 3 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 3 high schools. I love moving. I get uncomfortable when I stay too long.

Also, I am the worst at being a long-term friend ever ever ever.


*Fist Bump*
 
2012-12-10 08:01:53 PM  

PanicMan: megarian: PanicMan: megarian: PanicMan: Moving every 1-2 years my whole life taught me how to easily make short term friends. It's the long term ones I have problems with.

This.

I was an Army brat. The first time I went to the same school twice was 11th grade. It really messed with my head to know who everyone was and where everything was the first day. Moving is easy for me. Staying is hard.

You?

Auto industry brat. Every time a plant would close, we would move somewhere completely outrageous. Usually near an Air Force base. I went to 3 elementary schools, 2 middle schools, and 3 high schools. I love moving. I get uncomfortable when I stay too long.

Also, I am the worst at being a long-term friend ever ever ever.

*Fist Bump*


Word.
 
2012-12-10 08:02:13 PM  
I agree with the "Fantasies are more powerful than pain" part.

Anytime I choose, I could have any woman in the world I want. Salma Hayek, Christina Hendricks, Anne Hathaway, Mila Kunis, all upon activating my imagination I'm suddenly transferred into an orgy with high class female celebrities. When I finish, I just have to stop thinking and I wouldn't have to go through the trouble of treating them to dinner or giving gifts after sex. Ah, the wonders of a powerful imagination for the masturbator.
 
2012-12-10 08:02:53 PM  
FTA: 6. Give Up On Revenge

WTF? If there is one thing that I learned it is there is no such thing as karma. If a bully is deserving of revenge you have to dish it out yourself. Life will not serve it up to him.

My 6th grade bully won $26 million in the lottery. fark him!
 
2012-12-10 08:04:54 PM  
I had a Hate Patrol going through the 7th to about the 9th grade. One ringleader with about 4 henchmen and, of course, practically the rest of the school. They used to do everything in the article, including singing hate songs to me every day on the bus and doing everything they could to alienate me as a whole. All of them, working together, every day for years. It cumulated with a group of them hanging my beagle dog, Joker, in a tree in my back yard.

That damaged me and led to a number of suicide attempts followed by a life of inpatient hospitalizations for clinical depression and bi-polar syndrome. I didn't really shake free until I was in my mid 20's.

Now, in my 40's, I managed to locate the ringleader on facebook. He has three young kids and lives in Seattle. I verified it was him. I saw his signature on his paperwork and that's how I knew. I swear to god I was overwhelmed with the compulsion to drop everything and drive to Seattle for a surprise reunion. I thought about hanging one of his three young daughters in a tree in his back yard to see if he remembered me.

But revenge isn't an option. No matter how lasting the damage done. It would be wrong to do that, no matter how liberating. Sure he'd never see me coming. Sure he probably forgot about me entirely. Sure his pleas for mercy and forgiveness would soothe years of old trauma, especially when they went unanswered. Sure I would die happy hurting the things he loved and taunting him to make him cry about it. I'd kill myself on the scene, with a happy little smile because I had finally mastered the thing that destroyed my life so purposefully and so maliciously so long ago. It would be sweet, but it's not an option.

So the article rings for me. Tip of the Hat to the author. Thanks for something I can totally relate to and wise words for a broken soul that never really recovered. Oh, and I reflexively distrust popular people as well. There's a new one at work right now. I often have to subvert powerful impulses to suddenly thrust something sharp through their temples to save the world from another Hate Patrol.

But I subvert it every time. Sure I have a lot of venting to do, but I learned always to surpress it.

I'm feeling better every day. :)
 
2012-12-10 08:06:56 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?


Bullies are often bullies because they learn it from their parents at home. All of the guys who were bullies in my neighborhood came from the smallest, saddest homes on the block with the most outwardly dysfunctional families inside. All of the girls who were bullies came from the largest homes with water views, with trophy wives as mothers and corporate sociopaths as fathers.

So there are two schools of thought: offensive or defensive. Not making yourself a target, blending in better with the crowd and/or finding a group of friends are good defensive tactics. They'll just move onto the next loser who is worse than you. Offensive is tricky. You have to find them when they're alone and jump them, else their friends will jump in and overwhelm you. You have to keep at it until they realize the cost of taunting you isn't worth it. You also have to realize that until they give up, they'll try to get revenge on you because they're mean little bastards. That means you're going to get your ass kicked repeatedly. Learning to fight, or to fight dirty, can help. You might not get any better at doing it, but confidence goes a long ways.


/fought my way through grade and middle school
//blended my way through high school
 
2012-12-10 08:07:53 PM  
How about, if you're being bullied for being different - different is the key word. You and the bully are not into the same things. You probably will never be into the same things. They don't understand you and you don't understand them. Why the fark do you care about what someone so different from you thinks about you? They are not worth the attention. Roll with it. They call you names, roll your eyes. They persuade other kids to not sit by you, you go sit with the other bullied & outcast kids. Just don't give a shiat. Those other bullied kids are probably pretty cool and you're no better than them.

Now, if there is ever physical contact, that is something completely different. But until then, why give a fark? They are not your peer.

/speaking from experience. It takes awhile, but you can teach a kid not to care about this sort of thing and if you're still being bullied, it's never too late to learn.
 
2012-12-10 08:08:03 PM  
It's good to be a She Geek. Once I embraced my Nerdness, it was all good.
Have a great job, plenty of female companionship (helps to be a Lesbo)

Membership at a swanky gym/Spa. Cool guy pals with cool toys.
It's all good.
 
2012-12-10 08:10:36 PM  

JeffreyScott: FTA: 6. Give Up On Revenge

WTF? If there is one thing that I learned it is there is no such thing as karma. If a bully is deserving of revenge you have to dish it out yourself. Life will not serve it up to him.

My 6th grade bully won $26 million in the lottery. fark him!


Not true my good man. Eventually karma dishes it out. Money can bring trouble too ya know. Especially to bullies.
Keep the faith. :P
 
2012-12-10 08:11:13 PM  

smeegle: It's good to be a She Geek. Once I embraced my Nerdness, it was all good.
Have a great job, plenty of female companionship (helps to be a Lesbo)

Membership at a swanky gym/Spa. Cool guy pals with cool toys.
It's all good.


I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?
 
2012-12-10 08:14:41 PM  
I wonder what I did wrong. I was geeky enough to get good grades without trying, hung out with kids who played D&D, and wasn't bullied. Played soccer but still got along with the football team. Nobody cared that much if you were or weren't in the band. There were a few wanna-be bullies about but I think that on the whole people tended to pick on them in the end because there was low tolerance for people acting like dicks. The jocks and the stoners and the geeks got along fine. There were some pre-goth types who worked hard at being outcasts that I recall but we mostly ignored them because they seemed to want to be left alone and wanted to be ostracized. It would freak them out when you included them and actually thought their artwork was cool. But they could show up to a party and mooch beer like the rest of us.
 
2012-12-10 08:16:14 PM  

fireclown: Coastalgrl: Best revenge is living life the way you want to, being successful, and letting all those horrible people to their own devices.

There is a flaw in that theory. Bullies don't always get some kind of cosmic cumuppance. It's a pretty effective strategy when you get right down to it, and it can really be rewarded in the workplace.

/watched it happen plenty.


Already been a victim of that too. Someone managed to steal an entire publication from me and claimed my work as his own.

I'm no longer that nice.
 
2012-12-10 08:19:02 PM  
I don't like mondays

I want to shoooot the whole day down. shoot it down.
 
2012-12-10 08:19:41 PM  

frak21: I had a Hate Patrol going through the 7th to about the 9th grade. One ringleader with about 4 henchmen and, of course, practically the rest of the school. They used to do everything in the article, including singing hate songs to me every day on the bus and doing everything they could to alienate me as a whole. All of them, working together, every day for years. It cumulated with a group of them hanging my beagle dog, Joker, in a tree in my back yard.

That damaged me and led to a number of suicide attempts followed by a life of inpatient hospitalizations for clinical depression and bi-polar syndrome. I didn't really shake free until I was in my mid 20's.

Now, in my 40's, I managed to locate the ringleader on facebook. He has three young kids and lives in Seattle. I verified it was him. I saw his signature on his paperwork and that's how I knew. I swear to god I was overwhelmed with the compulsion to drop everything and drive to Seattle for a surprise reunion. I thought about hanging one of his three young daughters in a tree in his back yard to see if he remembered me.

But revenge isn't an option. No matter how lasting the damage done. It would be wrong to do that, no matter how liberating. Sure he'd never see me coming. Sure he probably forgot about me entirely. Sure his pleas for mercy and forgiveness would soothe years of old trauma, especially when they went unanswered. Sure I would die happy hurting the things he loved and taunting him to make him cry about it. I'd kill myself on the scene, with a happy little smile because I had finally mastered the thing that destroyed my life so purposefully and so maliciously so long ago. It would be sweet, but it's not an option.

So the article rings for me. Tip of the Hat to the author. Thanks for something I can totally relate to and wise words for a broken soul that never really recovered. Oh, and I reflexively distrust popular people as well. There's a new one at work right now. I often have ...


Whilst you might get that revenge by meeting out the same punishment they gave you on them, I'd say you can STILL get revenge on them, and if you do it right, you'll break no laws, and face no comeback.

Happily married with kids? Kids are innocent, so ignore them. Go for the marriage. Plant stories about another woman. Hire some attractive girl to bang on his door and confess adultery to his wife (and flesh it out with details gleaned from your knowledge/surveillance of the target).
Go for his job. If he's in customer service, have a stream of complaints made by others, alleging everything they can. He'll get the sack. Or other ways if he's in other employment. Maybe have someone get into his social circle, and get him hooked on drugs of some kind, they're really good for farking you up. My point is that you can use rumour, speculation, gossip and a few well placed lies to destroy his life, utterly, without really breaking any laws, or doing anything that ties back to you....until of course you find him in an alleyway, begging for drug money etc.

Then you let him know it was all you.

I'm glad you're getting a lot better, but some people need to be destroyed utterly. Do it, but do it smart, legal, and leave his kids and wife out of it as much as possible...
 
2012-12-10 08:20:21 PM  

otalicus: I stopped getting bullied right after columbine. Apparently I looked like a person who would snap.

/wouldn't hurt a fly.


Heh. I knew a kid who started wearing a black trench coat to school right after Columbine for exactly that reason.
 
2012-12-10 08:21:17 PM  

Dinjiin: Some 'Splainin' To Do: Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Bullies are often bullies because they learn it from their parents at home. All of the guys who were bullies in my neighborhood came from the smallest, saddest homes on the block with the most outwardly dysfunctional families inside. All of the girls who were bullies came from the largest homes with water views, with trophy wives as mothers and corporate sociopaths as fathers.

So there are two schools of thought: offensive or defensive. Not making yourself a target, blending in better with the crowd and/or finding a group of friends are good defensive tactics. They'll just move onto the next loser who is worse than you. Offensive is tricky. You have to find them when they're alone and jump them, else their friends will jump in and overwhelm you. You have to keep at it until they realize the cost of taunting you isn't worth it. You also have to realize that until they give up, they'll try to get revenge on you because they're mean little bastards. That means you're going to get your ass kicked repeatedly. Learning to fight, or to fight dirty, can help. You might not get any better at doing it, but confidence goes a long ways.


/fought my way through grade and middle school
//blended my way through high school


Indeed.
Bullies are not worth the time of day and any angst one gives them only feeds their fire.
I don't have all of the answers but your points are so noted.
Girl bullies IMHO, are the worst. They go for the mental jugular, where guys just duke it out.
Eventually, one must learn the art of self defense. With girls, it's more of a mental thing.
As a lesbian, I have never understood how girls and women can be so damn mean to each other. It makes no sense to me. I was never like that as a kid and I just can't relate to it as an adult.

Women bully each other behind their backs, it's gross. They fight over men mostly. I'm not a guy but I'm guessing it's a turn off to the well adjusted men that don't need their ego boost from a cat fight.
But I digress. 
People in general, can be assholes if they are not happy with who they are.
 
ecl
2012-12-10 08:21:36 PM  

Wizard Drongo: frak21: I had a Hate Patrol going through the 7th to about the 9th grade. One ringleader with about 4 henchmen and, of course, practically the rest of the school. They used to do everything in the article, including singing hate songs to me every day on the bus and doing everything they could to alienate me as a whole. All of them, working together, every day for years. It cumulated with a group of them hanging my beagle dog, Joker, in a tree in my back yard.

That damaged me and led to a number of suicide attempts followed by a life of inpatient hospitalizations for clinical depression and bi-polar syndrome. I didn't really shake free until I was in my mid 20's.

Now, in my 40's, I managed to locate the ringleader on facebook. He has three young kids and lives in Seattle. I verified it was him. I saw his signature on his paperwork and that's how I knew. I swear to god I was overwhelmed with the compulsion to drop everything and drive to Seattle for a surprise reunion. I thought about hanging one of his three young daughters in a tree in his back yard to see if he remembered me.

But revenge isn't an option. No matter how lasting the damage done. It would be wrong to do that, no matter how liberating. Sure he'd never see me coming. Sure he probably forgot about me entirely. Sure his pleas for mercy and forgiveness would soothe years of old trauma, especially when they went unanswered. Sure I would die happy hurting the things he loved and taunting him to make him cry about it. I'd kill myself on the scene, with a happy little smile because I had finally mastered the thing that destroyed my life so purposefully and so maliciously so long ago. It would be sweet, but it's not an option.

So the article rings for me. Tip of the Hat to the author. Thanks for something I can totally relate to and wise words for a broken soul that never really recovered. Oh, and I reflexively distrust popular people as well. There's a new one at work right now. I of ...


You guys need therapy.
 
2012-12-10 08:22:30 PM  

TV's Vinnie: 1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.

You have to treat being in school like your first day in prison. If you don't f*ck someone up hard the moment they try to test you, you're gonna be a b*tch to everyone else there for the rest of your days.


I disagree:
A. You are talking about geek kids here who can NOT turn into the hulk even if they wear those nice green
foam fists. So, potential geek kid will most likely lose and then become bullies favorite target for trying to put up resistance.
and B.
i483.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-10 08:25:20 PM  

megarian: smeegle: It's good to be a She Geek. Once I embraced my Nerdness, it was all good.
Have a great job, plenty of female companionship (helps to be a Lesbo)

Membership at a swanky gym/Spa. Cool guy pals with cool toys.
It's all good.

I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?


"Word" from another socially awkward chick.

I didn't get the hang of stuff until I embraced my nerd side during my sophomore year of college and just started saying "fark off" to the haters and naysayers. I still didn't have alot of female friends, mainly because my interests just didn't jive with most chicks around my area, but, in the past three years, I've met a group of equally weird women through my husband's work and we have a blast together. Sometimes, it's just luck for us geeks.
 
2012-12-10 08:26:17 PM  

megarian: smeegle: It's good to be a She Geek. Once I embraced my Nerdness, it was all good.
Have a great job, plenty of female companionship (helps to be a Lesbo)

Membership at a swanky gym/Spa. Cool guy pals with cool toys.
It's all good.

I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?


If there was a meeting, I probably missed it, too. I've lucked into most of my closest friendships. I lucked into a room in the Honors College dorm, where I left my door open to get a breeze going through during the first month and a random girl introduced herself to find out what game I was playing. She and I would be super close through college (and still would be if we didn't both suck at communicating and didn't live on opposite sides of the continent). Through her I would meet about 95% of the rest of my friends, including my ex and my current boyfriend. Her friends got me to go to Harry Potter club, where I met a lot of my other friends. She got me into Doctor Who. And my boyfriend and I only know each other through her - they went to high school together; he and I have never lived anywhere near each other, really. Honestly, I'm dreadful at meeting people and making friends, I just got lucky.

Gym membership isn't going to happen, though.
 
2012-12-10 08:28:01 PM  

Omahawg: I don't like mondays

I want to shoooot the whole day down. shoot it down.


*)
 
2012-12-10 08:28:45 PM  

megarian: smeegle: It's good to be a She Geek. Once I embraced my Nerdness, it was all good.
Have a great job, plenty of female companionship (helps to be a Lesbo)

Membership at a swanky gym/Spa. Cool guy pals with cool toys.
It's all good.

I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?


Don't let chicks and their petty BS get under your skin. Be yourself and love it. Have fun. Fark what other people think. Take good care of the friends you have. Enjoy the company of the opposite sex regardless of your orientation, we have much to learn from each other.
Life is too GDM short to freak on the small crap. That's my motto.
Hint, never join a gym giving away free toasters. :)
 
2012-12-10 08:29:13 PM  
It's always so weird when I hear people say they were never bullied. I can't even imagine a life like that.

frak21: That is crazy. Hanging a dog is really bad. That would mess anybody up. Wizard is right that you could still get revenge. But if he could hurt a dog he could hurt a person such as his wife or kids if he's upset. Maybe he is doing it right now even. If he was doing something illegal and you exposed that ... that would be perfect revenge because you'd be doing something good and getting back at him. Not that you should be thinking about revenge. Probably forgetting about him would be best.
 
2012-12-10 08:30:37 PM  

AutumnWind: It's always so weird when I hear people say they were never bullied. I can't even imagine a life like that.

frak21: That is crazy. Hanging a dog is really bad. That would mess anybody up. Wizard is right that you could still get revenge. But if he could hurt a dog he could hurt a person such as his wife or kids if he's upset. Maybe he is doing it right now even. If he was doing something illegal and you exposed that ... that would be perfect revenge because you'd be doing something good and getting back at him. Not that you should be thinking about revenge. Probably forgetting about him would be best.


We never forget.
 
2012-12-10 08:30:41 PM  

JeffreyScott: FTA: 6. Give Up On Revenge

WTF? If there is one thing that I learned it is there is no such thing as karma. If a bully is deserving of revenge you have to dish it out yourself. Life will not serve it up to him.

My 6th grade bully won $26 million in the lottery. fark him!


The best revenge I remember from high school was the all-state foodball/track star who bullied a craz kid. One day, out of nowhere, the kid managed to kick the guy in the knee and put him out of commission for the football season.
 
2012-12-10 08:33:32 PM  

blueviking: megarian: smeegle: It's good to be a She Geek. Once I embraced my Nerdness, it was all good.
Have a great job, plenty of female companionship (helps to be a Lesbo)

Membership at a swanky gym/Spa. Cool guy pals with cool toys.
It's all good.

I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?

"Word" from another socially awkward chick.

I didn't get the hang of stuff until I embraced my nerd side during my sophomore year of college and just started saying "fark off" to the haters and naysayers. I still didn't have alot of female friends, mainly because my interests just didn't jive with most chicks around my area, but, in the past three years, I've met a group of equally weird women through my husband's work and we have a blast together. Sometimes, it's just luck for us geeks.


I think once one is comfortable in their skin, that comfort radiates outward and people like that.
Why be uneasy right?
Life is one great big adventure and we all get to drink it in.
 
2012-12-10 08:33:36 PM  
I've lived in PA, Texas, Alabama, Kentucky, Tennessee, 2 other small towns in PA, Alabama again, Minnesota, Georgia, New York, Philadelphia, Virginia, and I'm now in Maryland.

I think that's about right, I may have missed something or gotten things out of order a bit.
 
2012-12-10 08:34:52 PM  
Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their loved ones.
 
2012-12-10 08:34:53 PM  

Wizard Drongo: Whilst you might get that revenge by meeting out the same punishment they gave you on them, I'd say you can STILL get revenge on them, and if you do it right, you'll break no laws, and face no comeback.

Happily married with kids? Kids are innocent, so ignore them. Go for the marriage. Plant stories about another woman. Hire some attractive girl to bang on his door and confess adultery to his wife (and flesh it out with details gleaned from your knowledge/surveillance of the target).
Go for his job. If he's in customer service, have a stream of complaints made by others, alleging everything they can. He'll get the sack. Or other ways if he's in other employment. Maybe have someone get into his social circle, and get him hooked on drugs of some kind, they're really good for farking you up. My point is that you can use rumour, speculation, gossip and a few well placed lies to destroy his life, utterly, without really breaking any laws, or doing anything that ties back to you....until of course you find him in an alleyway, begging for drug money etc.

Then you let him know it was all you.

I'm glad you're getting a lot better, but some people need to be destroyed utterly. Do it, but do it smart, legal, and leave his kids and wife out of it as much as possible...



Thanks, but lately I've reduced it to simply borrowing a van and kidnapping his ass. Then it's off to a private little spot where he can be trussed up to a board and spend the next few days while I catch up on old times and explain to him with a rag and a garden hose just how life went by after we last parted.

Waterboarding is really neat stuff. It looks like just about anyone can do it, and with minimal preparation and risk. There aren't even any incriminating physical marks. Most importantly, the damage is permanent. I can actually break his soul.

But I need friends willing to go along with the plan. I've got good friends (I learned to sort out the shiatheads very early on), but I don't think I know anyone willing to go that far to assist me.

So it's not an option. For now, nothing. But I found him, and I know where he is, and who knows where tomorrow will take us?
 
2012-12-10 08:35:49 PM  

Indubitably: AutumnWind: It's always so weird when I hear people say they were never bullied. I can't even imagine a life like that.

frak21: That is crazy. Hanging a dog is really bad. That would mess anybody up. Wizard is right that you could still get revenge. But if he could hurt a dog he could hurt a person such as his wife or kids if he's upset. Maybe he is doing it right now even. If he was doing something illegal and you exposed that ... that would be perfect revenge because you'd be doing something good and getting back at him. Not that you should be thinking about revenge. Probably forgetting about him would be best.

We never forget.


P.S. It's called an Elephant Memory... *)
 
2012-12-10 08:37:10 PM  
What I found unfair...
Psychological abuse: Expected. It's character building.
Physical abuse: Frowned on, but tacitly condoned. It'll make a man out of you.
But wait outside your bully's house with a hockey stick, knock him down, cut off his ear and throw it on the roof of his garage and everyone is all OMG psychopath! Police! Courts, counselors!

But nobody is thinking about what was best for the bully. Doesn't he deserve to have some character? Shouldn't he be made into a man? I bet that guy has character and manlyness coming out his arsehole by now. But do I get any thanks? NOOO. Just condemnation.

/oh officer, I suddenly remembered where I put that ear. It's been what, 24 hours now? I bet it's too late to reattach it, isn't it? (heh heh heh)
 
2012-12-10 08:37:42 PM  

frak21: Thanks, but lately I've reduced it to simply borrowing a van and kidnapping his ass. Then it's off to a private little spot where he can be trussed up to a board and spend the next few days while I catch up on old times and explain to him with a rag and a garden hose just how life went by after we last parted.

Waterboarding is really neat stuff. It looks like just about anyone can do it, and with minimal preparation and risk. There aren't even any incriminating physical marks. Most importantly, the damage is permanent. I can actually break his soul.

But I need friends willing to go along with the plan. I've got good friends (I learned to sort out the shiatheads very early on), but I don't think I know anyone willing to go that far to assist me.

So it's not an option. For now, nothing. But I found him, and I know where he is, and who knows where tomorrow will take us?


Like previously said, you need therapy. I don't think your revenge fantasies are helping you.

Of course, this is Fark, and this could be a wild troll.
 
2012-12-10 08:39:38 PM  

slimfast: Being bullied when I was young made my paranoid.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?????


me too! But on the plus side being so paranoid made me a slightly obsessive planner. Result is that I'm always prepared for stuff and don't forget things.

Mostly all the nerdy reading and typing made me super fast at reading and typing. So I can sort, read, and reply to all my mail before my coworkers have even gotten halfway through.

I suck at meeting people but I'm ok at making friends. So I have a super outgoing social butterfly other half. It is nice because he meets all the people and I choose which ones I want to be friends with...
 
2012-12-10 08:40:35 PM  
There is only 1 bully I forgive. No matter how bad he beat me it was nothing compared to the daily beatings he received from his own father.
 
2012-12-10 08:41:27 PM  

frak21: Wizard Drongo: Whilst you might get that revenge by meeting out the same punishment they gave you on them, I'd say you can STILL get revenge on them, and if you do it right, you'll break no laws, and face no comeback.

Happily married with kids? Kids are innocent, so ignore them. Go for the marriage. Plant stories about another woman. Hire some attractive girl to bang on his door and confess adultery to his wife (and flesh it out with details gleaned from your knowledge/surveillance of the target).
Go for his job. If he's in customer service, have a stream of complaints made by others, alleging everything they can. He'll get the sack. Or other ways if he's in other employment. Maybe have someone get into his social circle, and get him hooked on drugs of some kind, they're really good for farking you up. My point is that you can use rumour, speculation, gossip and a few well placed lies to destroy his life, utterly, without really breaking any laws, or doing anything that ties back to you....until of course you find him in an alleyway, begging for drug money etc.

Then you let him know it was all you.

I'm glad you're getting a lot better, but some people need to be destroyed utterly. Do it, but do it smart, legal, and leave his kids and wife out of it as much as possible...


Thanks, but lately I've reduced it to simply borrowing a van and kidnapping his ass. Then it's off to a private little spot where he can be trussed up to a board and spend the next few days while I catch up on old times and explain to him with a rag and a garden hose just how life went by after we last parted.

Waterboarding is really neat stuff. It looks like just about anyone can do it, and with minimal preparation and risk. There aren't even any incriminating physical marks. Most importantly, the damage is permanent. I can actually break his soul.

But I need friends willing to go along with the plan. I've got good friends (I learned to sort out the shiatheads very early on), but I don ...


Not sure either, but this online admission will ensure your prosecution.
 
2012-12-10 08:41:34 PM  

gadian: How about, if you're being bullied for being different - different is the key word. You and the bully are not into the same things. You probably will never be into the same things. They don't understand you and you don't understand them. Why the fark do you care about what someone so different from you thinks about you? They are not worth the attention. Roll with it. They call you names, roll your eyes. They persuade other kids to not sit by you, you go sit with the other bullied & outcast kids. Just don't give a shiat. Those other bullied kids are probably pretty cool and you're no better than them.

Now, if there is ever physical contact, that is something completely different. But until then, why give a fark? They are not your peer.

/speaking from experience. It takes awhile, but you can teach a kid not to care about this sort of thing and if you're still being bullied, it's never too late to learn.


So much this. It doesn't matter what you are. If you own it and not care what others think then they'll never be able to make you feel bad for it.

I moved around a lot growing up. I tried to think back some years ago and lost track after I could solidly remember 14 places. I was never able to really fit in with others when I was young. I was also much smarter than other kids. As in, tested into and invited to an advanced "finish highschool by the time you're technically a teenager" type of school. I was different.

Luckily I wasn't bullied. I was mostly ignored. I think a bully or two tried but my apathy toward them proved fruitless. So, moving every year or so and different by nature I never meshed well with others. As an adult I'm better about fitting in but it's not always easy. I can get along with most people, but I never get close to anyone. My behavior and personal style/appearance tends to make me stand out.

But now I just own it. I've been the subject of good natured jokes due to things I do and I just laugh along and brush it off. After a couple of days of you acting naturally about it so does everyone else. At least, I'm lucky enough to be in that situation right now.

Anyway,

1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going
Yup.

2. Everybody Is Probably Laughing at You, But It's Not Really A Big Deal
Yep.

3. There Is Nothing More Important than Friendship
Eh. I never really had it. Seems nice, though.

4. Fantasies Are More Powerful Than Pain
Yeah. Sometimes the fantasies have their limits and can't hold back the pain, but they're your best friend when you're hurting and alone.

5. Always Distrust Popularity
Sorta. The most popular things tend to be fairly braindead and thus have a braindead following. Tread cautiously.

6. Give Up On Revenge
Oh hell no. Never abandon the resolve to punish those who have intentionally wronged you. Use it as fuel and never forget what people are capable of doing. NEVER let it get in the way of your everyday life, but never let them off the hook if the situation arises.
 
2012-12-10 08:45:03 PM  

Glitchwerks: frak21: Thanks, but lately I've reduced it to simply borrowing a van and kidnapping his ass. Then it's off to a private little spot where he can be trussed up to a board and spend the next few days while I catch up on old times and explain to him with a rag and a garden hose just how life went by after we last parted.

Waterboarding is really neat stuff. It looks like just about anyone can do it, and with minimal preparation and risk. There aren't even any incriminating physical marks. Most importantly, the damage is permanent. I can actually break his soul.

But I need friends willing to go along with the plan. I've got good friends (I learned to sort out the shiatheads very early on), but I don't think I know anyone willing to go that far to assist me.

So it's not an option. For now, nothing. But I found him, and I know where he is, and who knows where tomorrow will take us?

Like previously said, you need therapy. I don't think your revenge fantasies are helping you.

Of course, this is Fark, and this could be a wild troll.



I've had a shiatload of therapy thank you. Two or three lifetimes worth.

No. Revenge fantasies don't help, but it's exciting to have the opportunity to redress that festering old wound.

Like I said. It's probably not going to happen. Mostly for logistical reasons, but not going to happen.

But I've still got my eye on him now. I can take my time. He's not going anywhere. As I said before, who knows what tomorrow will bring?
 
2012-12-10 08:46:12 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: I moved around a lot growing up. I tried to think back some years ago and lost track after I could solidly remember 14 places. I was never able to really fit in with others when I was young. I was also much smarter than other kids. As in, tested into and invited to an advanced "finish highschool by the time you're technically a teenager" type of school. I was different.

Luckily I wasn't bullied. I was mostly ignored. I think a bully or two tried but my apathy toward them proved fruitless. So, moving every year or so and different by nature I never meshed well with others. As an adult I'm better about fitting in but it's not always easy. I can get along with most people, but I never get close to anyone. My behavior and personal style/appearance tends to make me stand out.


*fistbump* Pretty much my story exactly.
 
2012-12-10 08:48:15 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: gadian: How about, if you're being bullied for being different - different is the key word. You and the bully are not into the same things. You probably will never be into the same things. They don't understand you and you don't understand them. Why the fark do you care about what someone so different from you thinks about you? They are not worth the attention. Roll with it. They call you names, roll your eyes. They persuade other kids to not sit by you, you go sit with the other bullied & outcast kids. Just don't give a shiat. Those other bullied kids are probably pretty cool and you're no better than them.

Now, if there is ever physical contact, that is something completely different. But until then, why give a fark? They are not your peer.

/speaking from experience. It takes awhile, but you can teach a kid not to care about this sort of thing and if you're still being bullied, it's never too late to learn.

So much this. It doesn't matter what you are. If you own it and not care what others think then they'll never be able to make you feel bad for it.

I moved around a lot growing up. I tried to think back some years ago and lost track after I could solidly remember 14 places. I was never able to really fit in with others when I was young. I was also much smarter than other kids. As in, tested into and invited to an advanced "finish highschool by the time you're technically a teenager" type of school. I was different.

Luckily I wasn't bullied. I was mostly ignored. I think a bully or two tried but my apathy toward them proved fruitless. So, moving every year or so and different by nature I never meshed well with others. As an adult I'm better about fitting in but it's not always easy. I can get along with most people, but I never get close to anyone. My behavior and personal style/appearance tends to make me stand out.

But now I just own it. I've been the subject of good natured jokes due to things I do and I just laugh along and brush it off. Afte ...


Duly noted. *)
 
2012-12-10 08:49:03 PM  

megarian: I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?


Yeah. They called it Lillith Fair.
 
2012-12-10 08:49:29 PM  
I feel like we have a real "Breakfast Club" thing going on in this thread.

Should I write the essay?
 
2012-12-10 08:50:28 PM  

spidermilk: me too! But on the plus side being so paranoid made me a slightly obsessive planner. Result is that I'm always prepared for stuff and don't forget things.


So, basically, you're crazy prepared?

/There goes the evening..
 
2012-12-10 08:50:41 PM  

BigLuca: I feel like we have a real "Breakfast Club" thing going on in this thread.

Should I write the essay?


I wanna help while still playing the bad boy...
 
2012-12-10 08:50:48 PM  

smeegle: Hint, never join a gym giving away free toasters. :)


I used to go to a climbing gym in DC that gave out popcorn and Twizzlers every Wednesday.
 
2012-12-10 08:51:23 PM  
The sticky component about revenge my friends is the damage it will do to you.
It feels good to fantasize about it.
It feels good to initiate the well laid plan of a dish best served cold.
but it's a temp fix with bad repercussions.
The best revenge as you all know, is living well. In most cases you will outdo your bully.

I have had the great honor or witnessing instant karma upon the ultimate bully. The neanderthal that beat my Mom and abused us kids.
He was driving one of those Red Cross Blood Mobile vans, the van got stuck on a railroad crossing. Two trollies on opposite ends had their breaks let loose thus crushing his sorry ass. He was doomed to stew in his own juices in a wheel chair for another year until the bastard finally croaked. Needless to say, he was virtually stopped dead in his tracks, never to hurt another woman or child again. Yay

This is instant karma, reserved for the true monsters in our midst.
Keep the faith my peeps. Justice is always served, if not in this life, definitely in the next.
 
2012-12-10 08:51:51 PM  
Always default to the rocket launcher. Always a good choice.
 
2012-12-10 08:52:31 PM  

Indubitably: Not sure either, but this online admission will ensure your prosecution.



Except I'm not looking to get away with it, silly.

If it happens, I know full well I'll be prosecuted.
 
2012-12-10 08:59:22 PM  

Indubitably: BigLuca: I feel like we have a real "Breakfast Club" thing going on in this thread.

Should I write the essay?

I wanna help while still playing the bad boy...


Done, we're flexible.
 
2012-12-10 08:59:24 PM  

BigLuca: I feel like we have a real "Breakfast Club" thing going on in this thread.

Should I write the essay?


Write it. Let's go. haha.
We do have it going on.
Our lives witness the bully in many aspects every day.
The News writes it for us while we comment and lament.
I'm feeling all geeky and poetic.
 
2012-12-10 09:00:24 PM  

doyner: megarian: I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?

Yeah. They called it Lillith Fair.


Oops. Went to Ozzfest instead. I think.
 
2012-12-10 09:02:25 PM  

PanicMan: *fistbump* Pretty much my story exactly.


*bump*

One of the best things about the Internet is that it lets oddballs know that they have, and come in contact with, kindred spirits.
 
2012-12-10 09:05:59 PM  

frak21: Like I said. It's probably not going to happen. Mostly for logistical reasons, but not going to happen.

But I've still got my eye on him now. I can take my time. He's not going anywhere. As I said before, who knows what tomorrow will bring?


Take your story to /b/, change dog to cat, and give known dox. If you're lucky, they'll be in the mood to assist.

/The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
 
2012-12-10 09:06:00 PM  

megarian: doyner: megarian: I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?

Yeah. They called it Lillith Fair.

Oops. Went to Ozzfest instead. I think.


Works just as well, in some instances. :)
 
2012-12-10 09:11:42 PM  

frak21: Indubitably: Not sure either, but this online admission will ensure your prosecution.


Except I'm not looking to get away with it, silly.

If it happens, I know full well I'll be prosecuted.


Prosexecutedly?
 
2012-12-10 09:12:23 PM  

doyner: megarian: I'm the most socially awkward chick ever. I want female friends and a gym membership. Did I miss a meeting?

Yeah. They called it Lillith Fair.


Word
 
2012-12-10 09:13:58 PM  

PanicMan: Moving every 1-2 years my whole life taught me how to easily make short term friends. It's the long term ones I have problems with.


This.
 
2012-12-10 09:14:07 PM  

TotesCrayCray: frak21: Like I said. It's probably not going to happen. Mostly for logistical reasons, but not going to happen.

But I've still got my eye on him now. I can take my time. He's not going anywhere. As I said before, who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Take your story to /b/, change dog to cat, and give known dox. If you're lucky, they'll be in the mood to assist.

/The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.



/not my personal army, nor do I desire their intervention. It's a personal matter.
//I can assure you that everything I've said here is true. This happened. Cincinnati in the early to mid 80's.
 
2012-12-10 09:17:30 PM  
Dear peeps,
Revel in your nerd self, celebrate the geek that is you.
Enjoy the video games
Enjoy the deep discussions over a bong hit.
Get the courage to ask that hot chick out, call it practice for the real deal.
And know that in the end a white collar job is better than the blue collar job that your bullies are destined for.
 
2012-12-10 09:20:20 PM  
nhkab.webs.com
 
2012-12-10 09:20:50 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Yeah, about that: it makes for great cinema (see: A Christmas Story), but, nine times out of ten, the real life version of that does not end up with the bully wearing the cast.

The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.


My grandfather was all of 5'2" when I knew him. One day, he got sick of he and the only chinese kid in school being bullied, so he beat the tar out of the biggest bully around with a broken hockey stick. The bully learned the error of his ways and they later became friends. The end.

I've seen pictures of my grandfather in swimming shorts at that age. He was built like only a kid in the '30s or earlier could be. Absolutely ripped from swimming and rowing and playing hockey and baseball and being outside. I imagine most bullied kids post-TV aren't in the greatest shape, but neither are the bullies.
 
2012-12-10 09:21:57 PM  

LordBollocks: [nhkab.webs.com image 400x334]


A most unpleasant reminder of how vulnerable our children are.
Very sad.
 
2012-12-10 09:22:32 PM  
Never had to deal with a bully until I moved across the country in middle school. The new school in an oil town was full of them, but they seemed to have enough targets in sight and I stayed mostly invisible until High School. Then the bullies found me, and thought they would have their fun. The leader, a rather tall jerk (seemed to be damn near 7' in Grade 12) who was the big popular athlete that no one opposed decided he wanted to take over part of the school gym that a couple friends and I were using to discuss some damn crazy plan or another. After telling him no the first time, he decided to use his size and stand over us and make us move. Almost by instinct (violent movies are excellent teachers), I reached up, grabbed him by the neck, pulled him down to my eye level, and gave him the crazy-eyed "No. Fark off" That was the last of it. His cohorts gave up, and word spread that our little group might all be psychos, and we should be left alone.

/yeah yeah CSB
 
2012-12-10 09:26:29 PM  

frak21: /not my personal army, nor do I desire their intervention. It's a personal matter.
//I can assure you that everything I've said here is true. This happened. Cincinnati in the early to mid 80's.


Didn't mean to imply that your story may be a lie. I believe you. I meant that they're more likely to have it out for a cat abuser than any other animal. For example, that British lady who was caught on camera throwing a kitten into a trash can.

They are no one's personal army but they do everything for the lulz. One only needs to get lucky about which anons they catch the attention of at that point in time. But, the best revenge is one where you can't be connected to it. They fall, you remain standing.

Just putting that suggestion out there. I've saved a few examples of them farking over assholes who deserved it. And they're scary good about finding people.

/Not advocating anything illegal, of course.
//The truth is often enough to condemn a man.
 
2012-12-10 09:26:30 PM  

LordBollocks: [nhkab.webs.com image 400x334]


What are you doing?

Inciting violence?

Fuk you.

Please don't arm.

Please love only.

Thank you.
 
2012-12-10 09:27:26 PM  
My revenge today is that I am that really obnoxious Trekkie guy who wears Star Trek shirts to places in a non-ironic sort of way.
 
2012-12-10 09:30:23 PM  
Lift weights, then start a punk band.

http://theiron.tumblr.com/
 
2012-12-10 09:32:26 PM  

Indubitably: LordBollocks: [nhkab.webs.com image 400x334]

What are you doing?

Inciting violence?

Fuk you.

Please don't arm.

Please love only.

Thank you.


No, his Lordship does not operate that way. He incites thought.
Just saying.

(we're oldsters round these parts)
 
2012-12-10 09:36:59 PM  

TotesCrayCray: frak21: Like I said. It's probably not going to happen. Mostly for logistical reasons, but not going to happen.

But I've still got my eye on him now. I can take my time. He's not going anywhere. As I said before, who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Take your story to /b/, change dog to cat, and give known dox. If you're lucky, they'll be in the mood to assist.

/The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.


My story is real in Readers Digest form so as not to set the small attention span theatre adrift.
 
2012-12-10 09:39:15 PM  

Mitch Taylor's Bro: Lift weights, then start a punk band.

http://theiron.tumblr.com/


Very cool link. Thanks
 
2012-12-10 09:41:00 PM  

smeegle: Indubitably: LordBollocks: [nhkab.webs.com image 400x334]

What are you doing?

Inciting violence?

Fuk you.

Please don't arm.

Please love only.

Thank you.

No, his Lordship does not operate that way. He incites thought.
Just saying.

(we're oldsters round these parts)


I figured.
 
2012-12-10 09:41:12 PM  

redmid17: I think 'Always distrust popularity' is not necessarily a good thing. Conforming for conforming's sake is not a good idea, but frankly there is a reason societal norms exist.

/not popular in HS
//not a nerd either


I had that problem in high school and missed out on some really good music, movies, books because they were popular. Eventually, you grow up a little and realize outright rejecting something because it is popular is no better than only liking something to fit in.
 
2012-12-10 09:41:56 PM  
I've heard nerdy girls who were tormented in high school often feel a sense of self-empowerment in their later years by exposing their breasts to strangers on the internet.

i heard that. seriously.

eip


/waits...likely in vain. just like high school.
 
2012-12-10 09:44:35 PM  

Omahawg: I've heard nerdy girls who were tormented in high school often feel a sense of self-empowerment in their later years by exposing their breasts to strangers on the internet.

i heard that. seriously.

eip


/waits...likely in vain. just like high school.


Nice try Einstein, that is funny though.
We do tend to like a good romp for sure. :)
 
2012-12-10 09:45:23 PM  

real_headhoncho: Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"


yea, that didn't work out so well for me. It made my tormentors change tactics and start a game for the next few years on who could get me to blow up and go crazy first and to see what kind of crazy things I would do. If they got there ass beat they didn't seem to care as they'd be back at it after our suspensions were over. I literally went crazy and became frightened of some of the ideas that started coming to me. I dropped out halfway through my senior year and completely tore myself away from social life for 4 or 5 years. I've been failing at readjusting back into it for almost a decade now. The resulting anxiety, panic and post traumatic stress disorders I was left with from this experience has given me a deep distrust of everything and anything people do which makes it impossible to function normally in society. At 32 my mind still thinks I'm in middle/high school waiting for the next bully to come along to torment me when there is no such thing happening. No , matter how much I tell myself I'm wrong, I don't seem to be able to switch it off. I get flashbacks like a war vet when anything reminds me of that time.
 
2012-12-10 09:47:11 PM  

Omahawg: i heard that. seriously.


Seriousness has serious benefits.

Are you ready to get serious?
 
2012-12-10 09:50:45 PM  
A final thought/question:
Look at the last batch of known serial killers, from Son of Sam to now.
Were they bullies or bullied?
It's not a trick question. Check it out and find out for yourself. I don't know the answer.
But it is food for thought. Right M'Lord?

Who are we? and Why do we treat each other in such a dismal manner and finally, where do we learn this sheet?
I dunno, my bong has been over employed and the Cabernet was really good.
So what the hell do I know.
 
2012-12-10 09:53:41 PM  
seriously serious?

I swore all those years ago I would leave my high school behind and never ever ever hanve anything to do with them ever again.

now I always go to reunions and get inebriated to obnoxious levels....after 12 years of putting up with them I make damn sure they have to put up with me now.

or you mean the boobs?

boobs are always seriously serious and make me smile. seriously.
 
2012-12-10 09:54:49 PM  
Bullied.

Lived through it.

What's the big farking deal?

Back then, we called 'bullying' 'junior high school'.
 
2012-12-10 09:55:29 PM  

smeegle: A final thought/question:
Look at the last batch of known serial killers, from Son of Sam to now.
Were they bullies or bullied?
It's not a trick question. Check it out and find out for yourself. I don't know the answer.
But it is food for thought. Right M'Lord?

Who are we? and Why do we treat each other in such a dismal manner and finally, where do we learn this sheet?
I dunno, my bong has been over employed and the Cabernet was really good.
So what the hell do I know.


I would assume that whatever underlying issues were there before the age of bullying/being bullied and that their differentness would make them a target and thereby amplify their underlying psychopathy.

I.e. there's probably correlation but not necessarily causation.
 
2012-12-10 09:56:51 PM  

kryptin420: real_headhoncho: Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"

yea, that didn't work out so well for me. It made my tormentors change tactics and start a game for the next few years on who could get me to blow up and go crazy first and to see what kind of crazy things I would do. If they got there ass beat they didn't seem to care as they'd be back at it after our suspensions were over. I literally went crazy and became frightened of some of the ideas that started coming to me. I dropped out halfway through my senior year and completely tore myself away from social life for 4 or 5 years. I've been failing at readjusting back into it for almost a decade now. The resulting anxiety, panic and post traumatic stress disorders I was left with from this experience has given me a deep distrust of everything and anything people do which makes it impossible to function normally in society. At 32 my mind still thinks I'm in middle/high school waiting for the next bully to come along to torment me when there is no such thing happening. No , matter how much I tell myself I'm wrong, I don't seem to be able to switch it off. I get flashbacks like a war vet when anything reminds me of that time.


I'm sorry. Know this, every day and every moment is filled with moving towards healing. 32 is young, 32 is also a watershed to deal with this. Keep the tools you developed to survive. Those are good things to have. Learn to apply that tool appropriately in the here and now.
 
2012-12-10 09:59:17 PM  

Indubitably: smeegle: Indubitably: LordBollocks: [nhkab.webs.com image 400x334]

What are you doing?

Inciting violence?

Fuk you.

Please don't arm.

Please love only.

Thank you.

No, his Lordship does not operate that way. He incites thought.
Just saying.

(we're oldsters round these parts)

I figured.


The possible consequences of bullying
 
2012-12-10 10:01:50 PM  
Seriously? "My little Trekkies" is in the frickin' headline and I'm the first? Oh well...

www.onlinefabricstore.net
 
2012-12-10 10:02:06 PM  

LordBollocks: Indubitably: smeegle: Indubitably: LordBollocks: [nhkab.webs.com image 400x334]

What are you doing?

Inciting violence?

Fuk you.

Please don't arm.

Please love only.

Thank you.

No, his Lordship does not operate that way. He incites thought.
Just saying.

(we're oldsters round these parts)

I figured.

The possible consequences of bullying


Debully, sir.

We must teach it.

I do, you?
 
2012-12-10 10:04:24 PM  

doyner: I.e. there's probably correlation but not necessarily causation.


Agreed. Correlation yes, but the cause, not so easy.
Like I said, I got no clue. I just keep on reading and thinking.
I try to understand but it's really impossible.
I have worked to try and reconcile my monster's movements.
What he did is clear, to some extent, but the "Why" is still a mystery to me.
It's not as important to me as it used to be, but,,, I still think about it and when I think about it too much it still scares the crap out of me.
It will stay with me forever, but not the results. Those will not defeat me.
 
2012-12-10 10:04:41 PM  

LordBollocks: Indubitably: smeegle: Indubitably: LordBollocks: [nhkab.webs.com image 400x334]

What are you doing?

Inciting violence?

Fuk you.

Please don't arm.

Please love only.

Thank you.

No, his Lordship does not operate that way. He incites thought.
Just saying.

(we're oldsters round these parts)

I figured.

The possible consequences of bullying


Wrong.
 
2012-12-10 10:09:12 PM  
cdn.smosh.com
 
2012-12-10 10:12:43 PM  

smeegle: A final thought/question:
Look at the last batch of known serial killers, from Son of Sam to now.
Were they bullies or bullied?
It's not a trick question. Check it out and find out for yourself. I don't know the answer.
But it is food for thought. Right M'Lord?

Who are we? and Why do we treat each other in such a dismal manner and finally, where do we learn this sheet?
I dunno, my bong has been over employed and the Cabernet was really good.
So what the hell do I know.


when I first heard about columbine I said "So they went after the jocks? Yup. That's what getting bullied gets ya."

some folks just ain't wired right. for them it does not build character....it destroys their psyche forever as typical nerdy revenge fantasies escalate into controlling crazytown.
 
2012-12-10 10:13:42 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Yeah, about that: it makes for great cinema (see: A Christmas Story), but, nine times out of ten, the real life version of that does not end up with the bully wearing the cast.

The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.


In my experience it was true. React disproportionately violently to the largest one and their balls shrink real fast. One detention and smooth sailing henceforth. Worst case suffer a beating but stay locked onto one guy and mess him up real bad. No one will want to risk being that guy after that. Bottom line, if you're going the violent route you better have the conviction to follow through.
 
2012-12-10 10:14:17 PM  

Ceiling Moran: [cdn.smosh.com image 550x317]


Dude
What else is there to say. Nicely done.
 
2012-12-10 10:15:38 PM  

smeegle: doyner: I.e. there's probably correlation but not necessarily causation.

Agreed. Correlation yes, but the cause, not so easy.
Like I said, I got no clue. I just keep on reading and thinking.
I try to understand but it's really impossible.
I have worked to try and reconcile my monster's movements.
What he did is clear, to some extent, but the "Why" is still a mystery to me.
It's not as important to me as it used to be, but,,, I still think about it and when I think about it too much it still scares the crap out of me.
It will stay with me forever, but not the results. Those will not defeat me.


Dude, I was 4'10" in the 9th grade. (I know, I know, CSB)

Your 20s are for getting over it and finding yourself. High school is only a source of motivation. Nothing is lost until you're in your 30s. if you're not comfortable in your own skin by then....well, then you're farked.
 
2012-12-10 10:17:42 PM  
"Ignore Insults and Keep Going" aka..invite more insults, be a willing compliant victim. Stupid advice.

"Everybody Is Probably Laughing at You, But It's Not Really A Big Deal" If you have to keep telling yourself this, then it is a big deal to you. You have to resolve this. Kids especialyl can't shrug this off, they just grow up and as adults they try and lie and pretend it didnt bother them. Embrace hate, and try and turn the laughter against your tormenters.


"There Is Nothing More Important than Friendship" ah, the start of the classic geek social fallacies. Lets see, Family, your own well being, your future..those things can trump friendships. Not always, but this absolute that nothign is more important leads to so many geek social screwups. Sometimes, friends become toxic to you, and other things become more important than the friend.

"Fantasies Are More Powerful Than Pain" Bwahahahahahahahaha! Umm, nice denal there.

"Always Distrust Popularity" Simply distrusting something because its popular is no more an intelligent move than liking somethign simply because it is popular. Ultra trendy loving obscure things and then hating them the moment others start to like it...just sad.

Give up on Revenge? What a load. shes doing some anonymous revenge via writing, heck if she takes pleasure in living well despite them, thats a form of revenge. Wanting revenge is normal. and lets face it....violence does solve some problems.

Sometimes, you just cant turn the other cheek. sometimes, you have to fight back. If they are too big, make friends, preferably with those also bullied,gang up, and get your abusers when they are alone and vulnerable. A hit to the side of the knee brings even the big ones down, and once they are down, don't let them back up.

If you are just not into violence, or incapable of pullling it off in any manner, then find other ways to express your hate that hurts them--destroy a project, sabotage records, find ways to anonymously but publically humiliate them. Rumors, practical jokes-- everyone has a weakness; find it, and exploit it, then let them know you did at, and will do it again if you can do so in an anonymous, non traceable manner.

Liking geeky things doesn't mean you have to be spineless and weak. Bullying goes on forever, not just school. Learn to not take it, or get used to being a doormat for the rest of your life.
 
2012-12-10 10:18:34 PM  

Omahawg: ..it destroys their psyche forever as typical nerdy revenge fantasies escalate into controlling crazytown.


Which speaks to underlying BS and begs the question, "What the hell else was going on in their home life?"
Maybe normal stuff, maybe not. That gets us back to the "brain not quite wired okay" point; that you bring up.
What causes the misfire?
 
2012-12-10 10:19:57 PM  

incrdbil: Give up on Revenge? What a load. shes doing some anonymous revenge via writing, heck if she takes pleasure in living well despite them, thats a form of revenge. Wanting revenge is normal. and lets face it....violence does solve some problems.


Revenge is a journey. Enjoy the planning. Enjoy the anticipation. Once it's done you've lost it.
 
2012-12-10 10:20:11 PM  

chickstan: PanicMan: Moving every 1-2 years my whole life taught me how to easily make short term friends. It's the long term ones I have problems with.

This.


Care to share details? Where did you spend the most time? How many accents do you have mixed together?
 
2012-12-10 10:22:47 PM  

doyner: Your 20s are for getting over it and finding yourself. High school is only a source of motivation. Nothing is lost until you're in your 30s. if you're not comfortable in your own skin by then....well, then you're farked.


Yup, while I think 32 is young, it's because I'm in my mid 50s. You are correct, act out in your 20s, get your shiat together in your 30s and move forward. That equation doesn't work for everyone though.
Give grace to that if you will.
 
2012-12-10 10:26:38 PM  
My feeling was that every time they managed to change my mood, the bulliies controlled me, and I decided they would no longer control me. From there on out, I would always laugh at them or ignore them. Worked just fine, off and on.
 
2012-12-10 10:27:26 PM  

Rozinante: The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.

My grandfather was all of 5'2" when I knew him. One day, he got sick of he and the only chinese kid in school being bullied, so he beat the tar out of the biggest bully around with a broken hockey stick. The bully learned the error of his ways and they later became friends. The end.


That's nice.

And for every anecdote of the bullied kid showing up his tormentor, there are dozens where the kid gets stomped by the kid who's bigger and more aggressive than him. I'm glad it worked out for your grandfather, but it's still miserable advice.
 
2012-12-10 10:28:19 PM  

smeegle: Omahawg: ..it destroys their psyche forever as typical nerdy revenge fantasies escalate into controlling crazytown.

Which speaks to underlying BS and begs the question, "What the hell else was going on in their home life?"
Maybe normal stuff, maybe not. That gets us back to the "brain not quite wired okay" point; that you bring up.
What causes the misfire?


ah, if I knew that I'd probably be a college professor enthralling undergrads with stories instead of a low-level office flunky.

'cause people are weird. that's my answer and I'm sticking to it.

still, the worst, most traumatizing, is when your peers are berating you....threatening you....and the authority figures (ie teachers) just stand around and smirk. I saw that in school although thankfully I wasn't the target. I did raise objections and was told to shut it or I'd get it too. You know what? I shut my mouth and I still feel guilty about that.
 
2012-12-10 10:29:31 PM  
i86.photobucket.com

There...we needed a new one.
 
2012-12-10 10:30:14 PM  

over_and_done: The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.

I don't advice nerds to punch the bully.

I advise nerds to take up some kind of martial art. It'll do wonders for self-discipline, keeping calm, and self-esteem. And if really really needed, you can break the bully's arms in under five seconds.


And if the bully also knows martial arts?

I'm sorry, but I'm just amazed that in every one of these imagined scenarios it's the bully who comes away with the bloody nose. It's like people have internalized this ancient notion that if two people fight, the virtuous one comes away the victor.
 
2012-12-10 10:31:36 PM  
Well my fellow Farkistanians, it's bedtime for Bonzo, heh heh.
Enjoyed the chat as usual.
Keep the faith and happy trails to Ya'll.
G'night and stay in the light.
Whatever you deem that to be.
 
2012-12-10 10:32:45 PM  

Omahawg: still, the worst, most traumatizing, is when your peers are berating you....threatening you....and the authority figures (ie teachers) just stand around and smirk. I saw that in school although thankfully I wasn't the target. I did raise objections and was told to shut it or I'd get it too. You know what? I shut my mouth and I still feel guilty about that.


I got that and worse still my parents blamed me for all of it.
 
2012-12-10 10:32:50 PM  

smeegle: doyner: Your 20s are for getting over it and finding yourself. High school is only a source of motivation. Nothing is lost until you're in your 30s. if you're not comfortable in your own skin by then....well, then you're farked.

Yup, while I think 32 is young, it's because I'm in my mid 50s. You are correct, act out in your 20s, get your shiat together in your 30s and move forward. That equation doesn't work for everyone though.
Give grace to that if you will.


None of the most compelling and insightful people I know were at the top of the social ladder in high school. Sure, the equation isn't universal, but it sure is the norm.
 
2012-12-10 10:32:53 PM  
The only reason this nerdgirl didn't get bullied was my older brother. One kid picked on me and my brother pummelled him into a whimpering puddle of blood. Everyone else ignored me after that. I was free to be my nerdy self.

My only fight happened at age 10 when a 12 year old mean girl was picking on my little sister. We were both bloody by the end of it . Her dad went after mine with a gun, the police were called. It was the talk of the neighborhood. My sister was never picked on again.

/the circle of (nerd) life...
 
2012-12-10 10:34:22 PM  

Omahawg: You know what? I shut my mouth and I still feel guilty about that.


It's okay. Let that crap go.
Do what inspires you and be a flunky no more.
I'm out.
 
2012-12-10 10:36:07 PM  

Omahawg: still, the worst, most traumatizing, is when your peers are berating you....threatening you....and the authority figures (ie teachers) just stand around and smirk.


This was precisely my motivation to become an officer.
 
2012-12-10 10:45:02 PM  
As an authority figure, I often think about whether or not I'm doing my part to keep my charges from being bullied. Oftentimes, I have to remind myself that what seems like a minor slight can be deeply felt for kids.

I was bullied a lot in 8th and 9th grade. In 10th I started weight training, and it stopped PDQ. I've kept up the PT throughout most of my life, and it's one of the good things that came as a result of having had to put up with BS as a dorky grubby slightly chubby kid.

What advice do I give kids who are bullied these days? Honestly, I think the best advice is for the kid to (discreetly) tell a teacher/administrator that they feel like they can trust. Most teachers aren't going to say "boys will be boys" or "grow a pair". They also tend to know how to take action so that it doesn't go back to the kid.

If it's a gang related problem, DEFINITELY tell. You might need to switch schools, though.

As a corollary to any bullying advice, I'd also remind the bullied kid to learn how to STFU if he doesn't have anything good to say - and to not lie. Simple advice that will carry anyone far in life.
 
2012-12-10 10:46:28 PM  

smeegle: JeffreyScott: FTA: 6. Give Up On Revenge

WTF? If there is one thing that I learned it is there is no such thing as karma. If a bully is deserving of revenge you have to dish it out yourself. Life will not serve it up to him.

My 6th grade bully won $26 million in the lottery. fark him!

Not true my good man. Eventually karma dishes it out. Money can bring trouble too ya know. Especially to bullies.
Keep the faith. :P


Karma is lie.
 
2012-12-10 10:47:40 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Rozinante: The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.

My grandfather was all of 5'2" when I knew him. One day, he got sick of he and the only chinese kid in school being bullied, so he beat the tar out of the biggest bully around with a broken hockey stick. The bully learned the error of his ways and they later became friends. The end.

That's nice.

And for every anecdote of the bullied kid showing up his tormentor, there are dozens where the kid gets stomped by the kid who's bigger and more aggressive than him. I'm glad it worked out for your grandfather, but it's still miserable advice.


Or, when the kid retaliates, the popular kids would get a pass, as they did in my situation, and the nerd would be punished and told to "deal wth it". There's no silver bullet for dealing with these things, sometimes fighting back discourages them, some times, it just eggs them on even more or puts the bullied under the scrutiny of adults that can't or won't help. Sometimes ignoring it takes the sting away when they realize they can't bother you, as I've seen some adult bullies that just get more and more irked because they can't get the reaction they were hoping for.

As someone who was bullied as a kid but found her way in adulthood, all I can say to any kid is to do what you can, if fighting back will end it, so be it, if ignoring it will do the same, go for that, but don't let anyone get away with physically harming you, stealing from you, or doing other illegal crap to you. Take on hobbies and interests that will get you through this and make you an interesting individual as an adult. And, if you have kids, teach them to treat everyone fairly and NOT to be a part of the herd that bullies.
 
2012-12-10 10:53:22 PM  

fireclown: Karma is lie.


Then you must not understand Physics and how intrinsic those laws really are. Take care.

Now really, I gotta go to bed.
 
2012-12-10 11:01:26 PM  

smeegle: Mitch Taylor's Bro: Lift weights, then start a punk band.

http://theiron.tumblr.com/

Very cool link. Thanks


You're welcome. I'm no Rollins fan, but I re-read that article every few years and find some inspiration in it.
 
2012-12-10 11:05:05 PM  

L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

None of this emo moping about and pretending that being bullied is some badge of honor.


Said the person that has no idea what it's like to live with it day after day year after year.
Said the person that has no idea what it's like to get beaten by five kids at the same time

Please, raise your head and make an effort to see and understand - try volunteering at a runaway center for a start.
If you can't do that, then at least don't make an ass of yourself by wandering into an issue you so clearly have no concept of.

understand if there's blow back but really - not hating not trying to humiliate, just trying to make it stop
 
2012-12-10 11:07:51 PM  
CSB time, I hope I haven't told this one before.

So, one kid in my class was a real asshole. He was the head of a group of people (mostly girls) who would try to bully people at school. We fought...a lot. I was victorious most of the time. His older brother had it out for me (understandably), and once threw a pencil at me which stuck in my eyebrow. I pulled it out, snapped it in half, and tossed it back. The usual rich kids who didn't get into trouble.

I found out after high school that he was actually much worse than I thought. Turned out that one of the reasons that my little sister's male friends would hang out with me was because it was one of the few ways they knew they could be safe. He and his friends were..Lord of the Flies type bullies when they were out of school. It was really nasty, and I never knew about it. Just as well- I probably would have killed him.

So, twenty years later, out of the blue, the older brother emails me. Says he was sorry for throwing the pencil, and other things. I wrote back to the effect of 'If that was the worst thing you've done, you've lead a good life'. I understood he was standing up for his brother, and even though his brother was an asshole, I would expect nothing less. But that got me to wondering...what happened to the asshole? So my sister and I did some searching on the Internet.

He had committed suicide two weeks before the older brother emailed me.

My first thought was 'I wonder if I'm supposed to feel sad about this'. I didn't feel sad, or happy. Just didn't feel much of anything. Closed the chapter, shrugged, and moved on. I wonder if the kids he bullied know he's dead. I suspect they do.
 
2012-12-10 11:14:21 PM  
Fight dirty, I was not above kicking nuts, throwing gravel, biting, gouging at eyes and nostrils, yanking ears, etc. Throwing punches was for kids that watched too much boxing.

They will still tease you, but no one will want to fark with you.

// Yours truly, jaws.
 
2012-12-10 11:20:09 PM  

LordBollocks: nhkab.webs.com


Columbine is interesting because it has come out that Harris was a psychopath and Klebold was clinically depressed and in search of an emotional outlet. Perhaps the massacre was premeditated on the notion of revenge killing, but it appears that Klebold was just looking for an excuse to kill. The kid was farking evil.
 
2012-12-10 11:31:03 PM  

frak21: Glitchwerks: frak21: Thanks, but lately I've reduced it to simply borrowing a van and kidnapping his ass. Then it's off to a private little spot where he can be trussed up to a board and spend the next few days while I catch up on old times and explain to him with a rag and a garden hose just how life went by after we last parted.

Waterboarding is really neat stuff. It looks like just about anyone can do it, and with minimal preparation and risk. There aren't even any incriminating physical marks. Most importantly, the damage is permanent. I can actually break his soul.

But I need friends willing to go along with the plan. I've got good friends (I learned to sort out the shiatheads very early on), but I don't think I know anyone willing to go that far to assist me.

So it's not an option. For now, nothing. But I found him, and I know where he is, and who knows where tomorrow will take us?

Like previously said, you need therapy. I don't think your revenge fantasies are helping you.

Of course, this is Fark, and this could be a wild troll.


I've had a shiatload of therapy thank you. Two or three lifetimes worth.

No. Revenge fantasies don't help, but it's exciting to have the opportunity to redress that festering old wound.

Like I said. It's probably not going to happen. Mostly for logistical reasons, but not going to happen.

But I've still got my eye on him now. I can take my time. He's not going anywhere. As I said before, who knows what tomorrow will bring?


Stupid to waste your time like that. Continually obsessing about ancient shiat doesn't make you a better person.

/it was either post this, or a message encouraging the guy to rape the bully's family to death before setting him on fire. Did I do good?
 
2012-12-10 11:35:26 PM  

Dinjiin: Columbine is interesting because it has come out that Harris was a psychopath and Klebold was clinically depressed and in search of an emotional outlet. Perhaps the massacre was premeditated on the notion of revenge killing, but it appears that Klebold was just looking for an excuse to kill. The kid was farking evil.


There was a thread a little while ago with some interesting information about Columbine, during which lots of people recommended Dave Cullen's book (which was what TFA was about). I've been meaning to read it but haven't gotten around to it, but apparently the whole "Klebold and Harris were bullied kids who snapped" thing that got so much media attention at the time was basically BS.

/Adding to what you say, not contradicting
 
2012-12-10 11:40:30 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: Rozinante: The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.

My grandfather was all of 5'2" when I knew him. One day, he got sick of he and the only chinese kid in school being bullied, so he beat the tar out of the biggest bully around with a broken hockey stick. The bully learned the error of his ways and they later became friends. The end.

That's nice.

And for every anecdote of the bullied kid showing up his tormentor, there are dozens where the kid gets stomped by the kid who's bigger and more aggressive than him. I'm glad it worked out for your grandfather, but it's still miserable advice.


It ain't the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog! (Don Cherry)

The little tough guys are way the hell scarier than any big guy.
 
2012-12-10 11:42:56 PM  

TWX: Learn to dance

Real partner dance, be it ballroom/smooth/latin/swing/square/two -step requires technical skill, and there are actually women there. Better yet, you get to put your hands all over them for five minutes and they thank you for it when you're done. It's an activity that requires at least a modicum of brains among men, who lead the dance, and it's very numbers-oriented.

I participated in several scenes. BBSing. user groups. High school marching band. Sci-fi/fantasy Fandom. Drum corps. Geeky side of college. Goth. Rocky Horror. Coffee houses. Alternative bookstores. Swing dancing is what ultimately worked. Now I have a beautiful rocket scientist wife who enjoys many of the same intellectual pursuits that I do and generally accepts those pursuits that she doesn't share.


Just don't get mixed up in the music. I love swing music, even play it, but for most people it's a one-way ticket to loserville.
 
2012-12-10 11:46:50 PM  

i upped my meds-up yours: Just don't get mixed up in the music. I love swing music, even play it, but for most people it's a one-way ticket to loserville.


I think the show Daria summed up the whole mid to late 90s swing movement pretty well
 
2012-12-10 11:46:53 PM  
I took care of my bully problem by shoving the bully down the stairs. Problem solved.

/it was only two steps
 
2012-12-10 11:50:37 PM  

Some 'Splainin' To Do: L.D. Ablo: What ever happened to giving shiat right back?

Insults for insults and fists for fists.

Under the charmingly romantic theory that bullies are just a bunch of pussies that fold the moment you swing your scrawny fists at them, right?

Yeah, about that: it makes for great cinema (see: A Christmas Story), but, nine times out of ten, the real life version of that does not end up with the bully wearing the cast.

The thing about real world bullies is that they're pretty good at picking out the kids who aren't going to put up a physical challenge even if they do fight back, so this whole "punch the bully!" line of advice is actually some of the shiattiest that you can give a kid who's getting picked on.


I recall a bully being punched only once. The bully was a big, wiry guy. He misjudged and decided to pick on a small, yet powerful and wiry guy. Who I guess didn't look like much. Anyway, smaller guy cleaned the bully's clock. That's the only time I've heard of that happening. The bully just misjudged. Had he picked a typical smaller, weaker and uncoordinated fellow, he could have done his usual shtick.
 
2012-12-10 11:51:43 PM  

blueviking: sometimes fighting back discourages them, some times, it just eggs them on even more or puts the bullied under the scrutiny of adults that can't or won't help


It isn't uncommon for faculty to go light on star athletes or popular students because they don't want to "upset things". Dealing with that really is beyond the scope of what a kid can handle. So if student fighting does bring scrutiny from the faculty and it becomes apparent that they are condoning the behavior of the bullies, that's when parents need to get involved.

Parents need to be very active and stay on top of the issue. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Call the teacher, the principal and the district admin. If they blow you off and the bullying continues, hire an attorney. A few hundred dollars for some targeted nasty-grams to the district usually solves things. If not, then decide if litigation is worth it or if there are other options for your kids.
 
2012-12-10 11:57:25 PM  

Dinjiin: blueviking: sometimes fighting back discourages them, some times, it just eggs them on even more or puts the bullied under the scrutiny of adults that can't or won't help

It isn't uncommon for faculty to go light on star athletes or popular students because they don't want to "upset things". Dealing with that really is beyond the scope of what a kid can handle. So if student fighting does bring scrutiny from the faculty and it becomes apparent that they are condoning the behavior of the bullies, that's when parents need to get involved.

Parents need to be very active and stay on top of the issue. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Call the teacher, the principal and the district admin. If they blow you off and the bullying continues, hire an attorney. A few hundred dollars for some targeted nasty-grams to the district usually solves things. If not, then decide if litigation is worth it or if there are other options for your kids.


Well, when I say "as in my situation", I'm talking of my own experience, not my kids', way back in the day. (Okay, so over fifteen years ago) Some things have changed since then, and then other things remain the same.
 
2012-12-11 12:01:26 AM  

orclover: Gets better?

No, no it doesnt. fark you. Eventually you just get old enough to drink away the pain. With "it gets better" being said, I'm not even going to check your farking list. Just fark you. My god, just fark you. I wish there was a god just so I could pray to him to fark you and all the rest of them.


Scenario: You're sitting alone in a quiet room. Temperature controlled. You're comfortable. Suddenly, you start thinking about something that really makes you feel bad. You know what? You're doing it to yourself. Click the self-punch switch to off.

A few rules I've learned:

1) You have got to be your own best friend, best advocate, and best caretaker. Because no one can play that role. If you don't play this role for yourself, life is going to be quite difficult.

2) Never attack yourself.

3) Never refer to yourself as "you." There is no "you", there is only "me". Makes it a lot harder to attack yourself.

You don't need to forget about all the sh-t that went down, you just need to stop thinking about it all the time and making yourself feel bad. You have control about what you think about. Use it.

Good luck.
 
TWX
2012-12-11 12:03:36 AM  

i upped my meds-up yours: Just don't get mixed up in the music. I love swing music, even play it, but for most people it's a one-way ticket to loserville.


I like my Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and Cherry Poppin' Daddies, but having spent some time sitting in on drums with a Ska band, no, I'm not "totally into" that music. I liked big band before the swing revival era, and I like both vintage swing/jazz/big band as well as the revival stuff, but I also like my selection of eighties hair metal, baroque, Swedish europop, ragtime, new wave, and a whole bunch of other stuff. There's enough good music that limiting one's self to one genre is stupid.

I'm thinking about taking some west-coast swing classes. For me, Westie isn't really swing dancing because of the lack of swing music, but it's good to be able to dance to most top-40 tunes in any random environment, rather than just in a swing dance, or at a ballroom night...
 
2012-12-11 12:16:36 AM  

TWX: i upped my meds-up yours: Just don't get mixed up in the music. I love swing music, even play it, but for most people it's a one-way ticket to loserville.

I like my Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and Cherry Poppin' Daddies, but having spent some time sitting in on drums with a Ska band, no, I'm not "totally into" that music. I liked big band before the swing revival era, and I like both vintage swing/jazz/big band as well as the revival stuff, but I also like my selection of eighties hair metal, baroque, Swedish europop, ragtime, new wave, and a whole bunch of other stuff. There's enough good music that limiting one's self to one genre is stupid.

I'm thinking about taking some west-coast swing classes. For me, Westie isn't really swing dancing because of the lack of swing music, but it's good to be able to dance to most top-40 tunes in any random environment, rather than just in a swing dance, or at a ballroom night...


You're just a music geek, then, which is fine and admirable thing to be.
 
2012-12-11 12:27:44 AM  

real_headhoncho: Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"


I'm just glad I had my crazy kid moment in his before columbine.

Easy bully solution? Teach em how to make DIY firecrackers. The problem solves itself.
 
2012-12-11 12:41:35 AM  

HeartBurnKid: TV's Vinnie: 1. Ignore Insults and Keep Going

BAD ADVICE! that will just make the bullies try harder. Oh believe me, they will try harder.

And you keep ignoring and keep going. It's not going to make the bullies stop, but it'll make it stop mattering to you.

The second-best day of my life is the day I realized that the opinions of the toolsheds that surrounded me in high school did not matter. Haters gonna hate, as the saying goes.


This.

/seemed pretty clear in the article to me.
//although that was my tactic too.
 
2012-12-11 12:53:28 AM  

albuquerquehalsey: The most popular kids in high school go on to earn higher wages than the least popular - as much as 10 percent 40 years after graduation, according to a new study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research. Researchers say students with better social skills do better when they enter the workplace.


The most popular kids aren't always the ones with better social skills. They're not good at faking sincerity.
 
2012-12-11 12:53:54 AM  

Luthien's Tempest: I put up with abuse for a year and a half. Til the main abuser wouldn't let it up one day at lunch. So I strung together as many insults as my 11 year old brain could think up and then some. He took off and never gave me crap again, nor did anyone else (other than the occasional girl who would shut up pretty quick with just a look and one instance on a bus after I stood up for some other kid they were harassing (it's funny to see their faces when the tiny quiet girl suddenly bellows obscenities loud enough for the whole bus to hear, no matter how noisy)). I wasn't the most popular kid in school after that, but I did alright - most people knew me and almost no one hated me. No way I would ever just put up with that sort of crap and just hope it stops again.

High school was mostly AP courses, so I didn't interact with most of the rest of the student body very much. There was some sexism from time to time, but not too much in the way of bullying.

/Probably helps, though, that in middle school most of the boys known for being bullies asked me out at least once
//I always suspected their intentions anyway
//But the one boy asked a couple of times during and after the time he was stuck next to me by our science teacher to "help his grades"


Had a gal do that on my bus once. It was an impressive blue streak. I couldn't make out what all had happened in the back (it's noisy afterall) and none of the stories I got from the various people really lined up or made sense. So I let it go and made sure to call her mom (since she was clearly having a rough day and I was hoping her mom could talk her through it)

But one of the girls was absolutely shocked that I didn't get after her for swearing at all the girls who had been picking on her. Apparently being "the bigger person" only applied to the girl getting picked on and not the tormentors.

/Sorry kid, not on my bus. If I can't nail the perp, I don't nail the comeback.
 
2012-12-11 12:55:02 AM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam:
/it was either post this, or a message encouraging the guy to rape the bully's family to death before setting him on fire. Did I do good?



You know? I never once thought about setting him on fire. I mean.. I went through a lot of stuff, but never fire....
 
2012-12-11 12:59:53 AM  

smeegle: JeffreyScott: FTA: 6. Give Up On Revenge

WTF? If there is one thing that I learned it is there is no such thing as karma. If a bully is deserving of revenge you have to dish it out yourself. Life will not serve it up to him.

My 6th grade bully won $26 million in the lottery. fark him!

Not true my good man. Eventually karma dishes it out. Money can bring trouble too ya know. Especially to bullies.
Keep the faith. :P


Yeah, last I heard winning lotto was also a kind of curse because it destroys the lives of so many people. (Like literally they end up dead from self inflicted crap like drugs.) Google it.
 
2012-12-11 01:02:12 AM  

angry bunny: Then again all middle schoolers are essentially sociopaths and should be caged from about 12 until 16 or so.


wat
 
2012-12-11 01:05:05 AM  

Coastalgrl: fireclown: Coastalgrl: Best revenge is living life the way you want to, being successful, and letting all those horrible people to their own devices.

There is a flaw in that theory. Bullies don't always get some kind of cosmic cumuppance. It's a pretty effective strategy when you get right down to it, and it can really be rewarded in the workplace.

/watched it happen plenty.

Already been a victim of that too. Someone managed to steal an entire publication from me and claimed my work as his own.

I'm no longer that nice.


There's a difference between someone making fun of you and not liking you versus things like: theft, assault, and rape.

If you try to run down everyone who doesn't like you or thinks you're weird well...Welcome to Fark.jpg was made for you. You don't get universal popularity or even sometimes significant minority popularity. And if you try, you can waste your whole life on it and still not succeed. Surely there are better, more rewarding, things you can be doing with your time?

If you actually suffer damages like the loss of your property or incurring medical bills, that's what we have lawyers and police officers for. Nail them, get your stuff back and move on.
 
2012-12-11 01:13:04 AM  
At my all male high school, classmates started calling me "fag", because I liked skateboards more than baseball. So I figured, fark it. I would wear my mom's blouse and leopard print pajama bottoms on dress down day. (Most days we had to wear proper male clothing.) Technically, I wasn't breaking any rules. Let them beat me up. They got in trouble. 
One time my hair was slightly purple after summer break, I tried to dye it black, but I guess it didn't work out so well. A kid in my English class tried to turn me into the dean. I just pointed out that he had frosted tips, so what qualifies as unnatural hair?

/CSB?
//Still bitter
 
2012-12-11 06:17:30 AM  
I wonder how many of those popular kids were in the control room at NASA when the Mars rover landed? Just asking?
 
2012-12-11 08:10:30 AM  

cuzsis: Had a gal do that on my bus once. It was an impressive blue streak. I couldn't make out what all had happened in the back (it's noisy afterall) and none of the stories I got from the various people really lined up or made sense. So I let it go and made sure to call her mom (since she was clearly having a rough day and I was hoping her mom could talk her through it)

But one of the girls was absolutely shocked that I didn't get after her for swearing at all the girls who had been picking on her. Apparently being "the bigger person" only applied to the girl getting picked on and not the tormentors.

/Sorry kid, not on my bus. If I can't nail the perp, I don't nail the comeback.


I generally didn't get in trouble for anything in school... (helps that at the time, the school administrators could only pick me out of a lineup because I was on the MathCounts team that went to states that year). Everyone knew why the other kid was getting picked on (an 8th grade boy had humped his leg the week before, which everyone other than this boy and a few sane people thought was hilarious), and it was the late bus, and nobody enforces anything there, anyway. The next day, the kids on my regular bus tried to make fun of me for sticking up for the little 6th grader, and somehow they were still astonished when I cussed them out. At that point, I think most of the school knew what had happened, so... *shrug*

/The 8th grader who humped the kid's leg never did quite figure out why I turned him down when he asked me on a date
//He was not the brightest bulb in the trash can
 
2012-12-11 09:51:40 AM  

kim jong-un: real_headhoncho: Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"

I'm just glad I had my crazy kid moment in his before columbine.

Easy bully solution? Teach em how to make DIY firecrackers. The problem solves itself.


Thats how I avoided trouble my Jr and Senior year. Mind you it wasnt firecrackers but basically munitions large enough to take out a room that a couple kids caught me with at school a couple different times. Looking back I was "possibly" escalating and building up to "something". When these random kids caught me I figured it was over and I was going to jail since they were obviously going to tell authorities (they did, they told EVERYBODY). I destroyed (spectacularly) all the evidence, all of it. Turned into my word against theirs and the cops honestly could have cared less since it was over a decade before columbine. I might have eventually started back up again later that year except something extrodinairy happened, nobody would go farking near me after that. Even the teachers didnt want to be in the same room with me. Couldnt prove shiat, but the rumor was enough to keep the bastards from their daily tortures. My Senior year was spent the best possible way, completely alone. When the upstairs bathroom exploded or some abandoned fridge would explode, everybody would look at me and I felt nothing. Numbness has been my favorite emotion since then.

Today I would have been thrown in gitmo, which would be better than high school. Most of you people were not even bullied, you just had a few encounters with a bully and I hate you for it. Nothing personal.
 
2012-12-11 10:16:01 AM  
7. Be really really tall for your age.
 
2012-12-11 10:49:38 AM  

All_Farked_Up: Crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their loved ones.


Ouuuu, how very Biblical!
 
2012-12-11 11:02:27 AM  

smeegle: My 6th grade bully won $26 million in the lottery. fark him!

Not true my good man. Eventually karma dishes it out. Money can bring trouble too ya know. Especially to bullies.
Keep the faith. :P


cuzsis: Yeah, last I heard winning lotto was also a kind of curse because it destroys the lives of so many people. (Like literally they end up dead from self inflicted crap like drugs.) Google it.


Don't get me wrong, he blew through all the money, but he lived like a God for 15 years while doing it. He still has a fully paid modest house, nice cars, etc., and all the great memories from all those parties, trips, and other good times. During those years the people he bullied have had to work to pay and are still paying rent/mortgages and car payments.

Truth be told, I blame my teacher and principal more. They knew he was bullying me, had the power to stop it, yet did nothing about it.
 
2012-12-11 11:10:05 AM  

incrdbil: Bullying goes on forever, not just school.


I dunno. My experience as a geek in a place that had never had any (rural SE Ohio, 1980s) was that, despite a good bit of bullying (nothing like dog-hanging) through school, about 10th grade or so people just started leaving me alone.

They matured enough to not bother, it seems (or just got busy with their own interests). By 11th/12th I actually got some respect from some folks, and school life was basically tolerable.

/Of course I never go back!
 
2012-12-11 11:43:33 AM  
In all seriousness....

Something that helped me understand the bullying in my own life was reading the chapter from Malcom Gladwell's "Outliers" where he explains the difference between herdsman society and agricultural society. Here's a quote:

"Cultures of honor tend to take root in highlands and other marginally fertile areas, such as Sicily or the mountainous Basque regions of Spain. If you live on some rocky mountainside, the explanation goes, you can't farm. You probably raise goats or sheep, and the kind of culture that grows up around being a herdsman is very different from the culture that grows up around growing crops. The survival of a farmer depends on the cooperation of others in the community. But a herdsman is off by himself. Farmers also don't have to worry that their livelihood will be stolen in the night, because crops can't easily be stolen unless, of course, a thief wants to go to the trouble of harvesting an entire field on his own. But a herdsman does have to worry. He's under constant threat of ruin through the loss of his animals. So he has to be aggressive: he has to make it clear, through his words and deeds, that he is not weak."

Among herdsmen, then, you've got to constantly prove your toughness. So bullying serves (if you've taken Sociology 101 you'll go "a-ha!") a functional purpose - it, and the victim's reaction to it, establish a toughness hierarchy. Essentially (and I know that this is male-centric, but it is what it is) the bully is giving you a chance to become a "man" by fighting back and proving your toughness.

Sorta works analogously to the comment upthread that, like in prison, at school you've got to fark someone up your first day or you'll be forever a sissy. In "honour cultures" you remain vigilant to threats and need to regularly prove your dominance.

But you're not a herdsman or an agriculturalist, right? You're a post-industrial urban capitalist, right? No, the idea is that your ethnicity's cultural baggage gets transmitted to you through your upbringing. It might be diluted over the generations but it's still there underneath all the layers of modernity.

After I read this in Gladwell's book, I realized that this chapter perfectly explained my own grade-school experiences with bullying. After all, my home town is made up almost entirely of the descendents of "herdsmen" tribes Gladwell describes - Irish, Scottish, Yugoslavian, Calabrian, Sicilian and so on. They were definitely the vast majority in the working-class neighbourhood I gew up in. So the bullying was really just an opportunity for me to prove my toughness, and I responded to it incorrectly most of the time by shying away from conflict.

Then later on I hit puberty and suddenly was bigger than everyone (despite being a year and a half younger), and the bullying died down cos I already had a reputation for losing my temper. Then in grade 9 I went into a blind rage one day and threw a bully across the hall into the lockers, and only a total moron would pick on me after that.

Basic point of all this is, all you guys who have talked about bullying in your own life should pick up Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers" (yes, even pay money for it, even if you're poor, it really is that good a book) and give it a good read.

It'll put your own past into perspective.

It might give you the beneficial attitude adjustment that you might not have made in school. Late is better than never.

It'll also (by extension) remind you that not all people bully, just those with a certain background; so those who were overly traumatized by their childhoods might just see all that hyper-vigilance and paranoia disappear.

It'll even remind you that some things you might construe as "bullying", if you've been turned into the hyper-vigilant type, aren't actually bullying, but just the friendly rough-housing that men from hill-tribe cultures always do with each other, kinda like the play-fighting between dogs, to ritually demonstrate and maintain the accepted dominance hierarchy.

It'll also help you understand that the bullies weren't "crazy evil psychopaths"; they were pretty normal kids (and even normal kids do sick shiat when they're in groups that get wound up and break free of social norms) who were behaving in a way that was socially productive in their ancestors' culture, but which is maladaptive in modern society.

Srsly buy Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers".
 
2012-12-11 12:50:05 PM  

Suckmaster Burstingfoam: Something that helped me understand the bullying in my own life was reading the chapter from Malcom Gladwell's "Outliers" where he explains the difference between herdsman society and agricultural society. Here's a quote:


Fascinating. I'd always noticed that there were certain people who could not merely be peers, they had to be either dominant or submissive. This provides some explanation of that. It could certainly be other factors, as Gladwell may be speculating, but I'd never heard this approach before.
 
2012-12-11 12:56:39 PM  

JungleBoogie: as Gladwell may be speculating,


I don't know, it's not like he takes an idea, cherry-picks anecdotes to fit it, then runs with it until he has a book and speaking tour.
 
2012-12-11 02:15:09 PM  

Dinjiin: blueviking: sometimes fighting back discourages them, some times, it just eggs them on even more or puts the bullied under the scrutiny of adults that can't or won't help

It isn't uncommon for faculty to go light on star athletes or popular students because they don't want to "upset things". Dealing with that really is beyond the scope of what a kid can handle. So if student fighting does bring scrutiny from the faculty and it becomes apparent that they are condoning the behavior of the bullies, that's when parents need to get involved.

Parents need to be very active and stay on top of the issue. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Call the teacher, the principal and the district admin. If they blow you off and the bullying continues, hire an attorney. A few hundred dollars for some targeted nasty-grams to the district usually solves things. If not, then decide if litigation is worth it or if there are other options for your kids.


I also add this, you CAN call the cops on a bully if the district does nothing. My parents did that ONE TIME on a little shiatbag. Mom apparently was never informed of her son's behavior and he stopped shortly after.

Most school admins are like guidance counselor's, totally farking useless and just waiting for their retirement and pension.
 
2012-12-11 02:33:57 PM  

albuquerquehalsey: The most popular kids in high school go on to earn higher wages than the least popular - as much as 10 percent 40 years after graduation, according to a new study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research. Researchers say students with better social skills do better when they enter the workplace.


Reading the study, I would have been labeled as "popular" despite not being the popular kid in high school. I hung out with both the geeks and the skaters was generally well liked because I'm friendly, so I had a bunch of friends, but was not one of the popular girls and had to practically beg for dates.
 
2012-12-11 03:25:07 PM  

kryptin420: real_headhoncho: Missing is: "How to beat the shiat out of your tormenter" and "Looking so crazy no one will fark with you"

yea, that didn't work out so well for me. It made my tormentors change tactics and start a game for the next few years on who could get me to blow up and go crazy first and to see what kind of crazy things I would do. If they got there ass beat they didn't seem to care as they'd be back at it after our suspensions were over. I literally went crazy and became frightened of some of the ideas that started coming to me. I dropped out halfway through my senior year and completely tore myself away from social life for 4 or 5 years. I've been failing at readjusting back into it for almost a decade now. The resulting anxiety, panic and post traumatic stress disorders I was left with from this experience has given me a deep distrust of everything and anything people do which makes it impossible to function normally in society. At 32 my mind still thinks I'm in middle/high school waiting for the next bully to come along to torment me when there is no such thing happening. No , matter how much I tell myself I'm wrong, I don't seem to be able to switch it off. I get flashbacks like a war vet when anything reminds me of that time.


Wow. The first thing I thought of was, "How did this guy get into my head"

Get out of my head. Seriously. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!

BTW, at 42, you will still be going through that stuff. My advice is to watch the new My Little Pony series. At least for a half hour+ at a time, you will feel happy and that all is right in the world.
 
2012-12-11 03:53:08 PM  
Honestly? The best revenge is to enjoy your life.
 
2012-12-11 04:19:32 PM  
1) Don't be fat. Being fat is the gateway to all bullying, and no matter how cool or funny the fat kid may be, their size will still be a target.

2) If you have to be fat, build muscle, be strong, be quick. Be Sammo Farking Hung. Remember that kid in Australia that bodyslammed that little pipsqueak who was farking with him? Those are the fat kids who either join the football teams or they become too dangerous to tangle with. Bullies may be taller, but if you can somehow use your weight to your advantage, it will make up for it.

3) If you can't be strong, be smart. Be cunning. The bullied in my youth were cunning as wolves and easily as bloodthirsty. You don't have to descend to the level of sociopathy, but every bully has a weak point or a trigger for their behavior. Exploit that weakness. Also, understand their M.O.: If your bully is a tall douche who likes to hit, chances are he has an older brother or dad bigger and taller who hits him. It's like Denis Leary said, racism is a learned behavior. Know what a 2 year old hates? Naps. Not saying befriend the bully but they have weaknesses like anyone else. You just need to find it and push.

4) There is no justice, but there are moments of satisfaction. There are times when bullies get away with it, but the times they don't, being the peaceful innocent who simply tried to protect others or themselves and just tried to be a good student paints the bully as a complete jerk undeserving of sympathy. Sometimes this works, sometimes this doesn't.

5) Revenge doesn't work, at least when you're a kid. As one poster said, growing up successful and happy, seeing how the mighty have fallen or peaked early is about the best schadenfreude you can hope for. Your bully may not have gotten his come-uppance, but if his/her behavior persisted to adulthood, you can hopefully take some satisfaction that you're happy and in some way they're still miserable in life.

6) Learn basic defensive tactics, ideally verbal. Making the bully a laughing stock to his peers may get you hurt worse, but the blow to his ego will hurt him more. This doesn't work for the Calvin/Moe dynamics very well, but it can work, and if you can outsmart the bully by insult or belittlement, it sometimes works as well as point #4. Martial arts were an option for some of my bullied friends, but nowadays the goal is to teach you to hit only when you have to, and not let challenging words weaken your resolve.

7) In the end, the bully always wants to win. Don't let them. Cuts to face and pride heal, but don't let them ever think they'll get away with it without losing something in the process.
 
2012-12-11 04:22:23 PM  

pleasedonttouchme: A kid in my English class tried to turn me into the dean.


I let him, then gave him a three day suspension. Pwnd!
 
2012-12-11 04:44:29 PM  
Sorry I'm late to this party!

I got viciously picked on in middle school, basically the older guys on the bus would just belittle me, take my stuff and make my life a living hell at school. I never cried in front of them though ( I'm still proud of that) and the cruelest of the bullies was this big heavy guy named JB. When they went to high school and I still had a year of middle school I got a reprieve and was seriously happy.

My first day of high school I got on the bus and there they were, the two bullies I hated the most. I sat upfront waiting for them to start making fun of me, but instead they called me to the back and asked me where I was from/what schools I went to prior/started hitting on me and basically they completely forgot torturing me. I told JB about how he made my life a living hell in middle school and I used to hate him and he apologized profusely and admitted to being a jerk to younger kids to avoid getting made fun of himself.

It felt really really good to get that apology. I took him off my hate list because of it.
 
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