John has 32 cookies he eats 28 of them what does he have


diabetes

what did the banana say to the uther banana?

Have you got a potty because I need a pee desporatly please!

No because we are at the beach. We will need to go home by a banana taxi we dont have a car.

meowsaidthedog-like typing detected.

Submitted by Sarah P.
Q. Why did the potato cross the road?
A. to get to the postbox

Two muffins are baking in an oven. First on says "boy, it sure is hot in here."

Second one replies "Oh my God, a talking muffin!!"

"Zip Up and Swallow. "

/why no votie!!!??!?!?

maxheck: Carn:

Best knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting C-
MOOOOOO!

I once told that joke to my littlest nephew at a family gathering, and he loved it so much he went around telling it to everyone.

Unfortunately, the concept of *timing* needed for that joke hadn't quite dawned on him.

/ was actually funnier to hear him tell it.

That joke was when I realized my son was going to be a handful. He learned that when he was about 5, and immediately began adapting it. First was "interrupting daddy". Interupting dadd- "DON'T TOUCH MY COMPUTER!". Then it was interrupting mommy. Interrupting mom- "BUY ME JEWELRY!". My wife failed to see the humor.

Best knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting C-
MOOOOOO!

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

My kid told me this one . . .

Carlos Mencia is working these into his act right now.

A man found a raisin in the woods.
"what a funny looking raisin."
"im not a raisin im just an ant with no legs."

I think there is some profound meaning in that somewhere.

What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

Carn:

Best knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting C-
MOOOOOO!

I once told that joke to my littlest nephew at a family gathering, and he loved it so much he went around telling it to everyone.

Unfortunately, the concept of *timing* needed for that joke hadn't quite dawned on him.

/ was actually funnier to hear him tell it.

Jesus Christ, it's the Joker with a 4 foot long revolver! Get in the car!

What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I was just kidding about the wheels.

what goes black white black white
a nun rolling down a hill


what is black and white and goes 'ha ha'
the nun who pushed her

Q. Why did the farmer sleep on his bed
A. because all the animals took his pants off

Sounds like the kind of thing a farmer would tell his wife when caught in bed without any pants on, and a duck.

Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

Robin ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Batman?"


Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:

" Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

I've always liked that one.

djkutch: Not a joke, but my nephew has renamed eggs "liquid chicken". I am both grossed out and amused.

Eggs are hen fruit, milk is cow juice

How do you arrange a party in outer space?

You planet.

darth_badger: poop, poop, poop, poot, fart, poop, fart, fart, dookie...

 

Dookie?

A: So the bear wiped its ass with the rabbit

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car?

Because she was a woman.

/kthxbai.

My favorite kids' joke:

Q: What's long, brown, and sticky?
A: A stick.

Contrabulous Flabtraption: British children are just like our children, only uglier.

snortgigglelol + a tiny guffaw of pee.

/runs to restroom

My favorite....

"Two polar bears walk into a bar.

The third one ducks'"

Q. Why did the potato cross the road?
A. to get to the postbox

Didnt Dennis Leary swipe this from Jay Leno or something?

Kids come up with some of the best racist jokes too, although they don't usually realize it. here's one from the tumblr page

What did the Mexican fireman call his two sons?

Hose A and Hose B

"Now remember, if anyone asks, we have SEPARATE bedrooms"

wanna make $20 the hard way?

tricycleracer: what did the banana say to the uther banana?

Have you got a potty because I need a pee desporatly please!

No because we are at the beach. We will need to go home by a banana taxi we dont have a car.

meowsaidthedog-like typing detected.

I would've guessed Indubitably

Let go of my balls.

"I'm the goddamn Batman!"

Only works when Robin is (age 12).