If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Independent)   What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?   (independent.co.uk) divider line 137
    More: Amusing, toasters  
•       •       •

18922 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Dec 2012 at 1:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



137 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-12-10 03:45:09 PM

darth_badger: poop, poop, poop, poot, fart, poop, fart, fart, dookie...


www.i-mockery.com 

Dookie?
 
2012-12-10 03:48:25 PM

Carn: Best knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting C-
MOOOOOO!


My daughter and I tell this one to each other all the time - with different animals, people, etc. After a few rounds, she gets all meta:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting interrupter!
Interrupti...
INTERRUPTION!
 
2012-12-10 03:49:04 PM

Counter_Intelligent: A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"


Ooooooooooo! What does this button dooooooooooooo?

/surprised I'm not the only one to remember that joke.
 
2012-12-10 03:49:31 PM
Most of them were lame, but actually I laughed out loud at the Batman joke.
 
2012-12-10 03:59:36 PM
How do you arrange a party in outer space?

You planet.
 
2012-12-10 04:13:39 PM
A paraplegic walks into a bar...wait, no he doesn't.
 
2012-12-10 04:14:26 PM
What's brown and sticky?

Moist feces.
 
2012-12-10 04:15:09 PM
Why do ladies wear makeup and perfume?

Because they are ugly and they stink.
 
2012-12-10 04:17:47 PM
"This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job and he started working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ gangly wrench. Just then, this little apprentice leaned over and said, "You can't work on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ wrench." Well this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual, and he reads to him and says, "The Langstrom 7″ wrench can be used with the Findlay sprocket." Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, "It says sprocket not socket!"
 
2012-12-10 04:25:13 PM

kid_icarus: A man found a raisin in the woods.
"what a funny looking raisin."
"im not a raisin im just an ant with no legs."

I think there is some profound meaning in that somewhere.


Don't eat the raisins you find in the woods.
 
2012-12-10 04:30:39 PM

djkutch: Not a joke, but my nephew has renamed eggs "liquid chicken". I am both grossed out and amused.


Eggs are hen fruit, milk is cow juice
 
2012-12-10 04:32:18 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: British children are just like our children, only uglier.


And more likely to cut you off at the knees.

American children collect boy and girl scout badges, Brits collect ASBOs.
 
2012-12-10 04:41:04 PM

MaliFinn: My favorite kids' joke:

Q: What's long, brown, and sticky?
A: A stick.


Winnie the Poo?
 
2012-12-10 04:44:32 PM

MaliFinn: My favorite kids' joke:

Q: What's long, brown, and sticky?
A: A stick.


King Richard

(Cockney rhyming slang for a "turd")
 
2012-12-10 04:48:34 PM

hundreddollarman: A Catholic, Hasidic Jew and a shiate Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender looks up says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"


That's shiate.

shiate Muslim.
 
2012-12-10 04:50:56 PM

ClamsGotLegs: "This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job and he started working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ gangly wrench. Just then, this little apprentice leaned over and said, "You can't work on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ wrench." Well this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual, and he reads to him and says, "The Langstrom 7″ wrench can be used with the Findlay sprocket." Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, "It says sprocket not socket!"


Well EXCUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEEE.
 
2012-12-10 04:54:02 PM
My favorite joke as a kid:

Why can't Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder read?
-- Because they're black.
 
2012-12-10 04:58:47 PM
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

I've always liked that one.
 
2012-12-10 05:10:45 PM

Fool0ndahill:

/Yes, I pulled the wings off of flies for fun when I was a kid.


This reminds me of one of my favorites as a kid ...

Q. - What do you call a fly without wings?
A. - A walk.
 
2012-12-10 05:31:59 PM

doczoidberg: My favorite joke as a kid:

Why can't Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder read?
-- Because they're black.


What's the definition of "endless love?"

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.
 
2012-12-10 05:42:12 PM

brantgoose: hundreddollarman: A Catholic, Hasidic Jew and a shiate Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender looks up says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

That's shiate.

shiate Muslim.


Looks like we both got filter-pwned.
 
2012-12-10 05:42:34 PM
AssAsInAssassin:

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

I've always liked that one.


What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Bunny farts.
 
2012-12-10 05:58:50 PM

Disgruntled Goat: ClamsGotLegs: "This lawn supervisor was out on a sprinkler maintenance job and he started working on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ gangly wrench. Just then, this little apprentice leaned over and said, "You can't work on a Findlay sprinkler head with a Langstrom 7″ wrench." Well this infuriated the supervisor, so he went and got Volume 14 of the Kinsley manual, and he reads to him and says, "The Langstrom 7″ wrench can be used with the Findlay sprocket." Just then, the little apprentice leaned over and said, "It says sprocket not socket!"

Well EXCUUUUUUUSE MEEEEEEE.


I don't usually tailor my references/shameless ripoffs, but I heard there was a plumber convention in town....
 
2012-12-10 06:13:17 PM

maxheck: AssAsInAssassin:

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

I've always liked that one.

What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Bunny farts.


What did one snowman say to the other?
Do you smell carrots?
 
2012-12-10 06:46:09 PM
Two cowboys walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

-----

Captain, do ships this size sink very often?
No Ma'am, only one.
 
2012-12-10 06:46:58 PM
I spent a year doing presentations in middle schools and always asked the kids for jokes. Two that are still standouts to me:

What's brown and green and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A pool table.

BA DUM BUM CHING

How do you get a hundred Pikachus on a bus?

You Pokemon.

/try the veal
 
2012-12-10 07:58:12 PM
Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

Robin ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Batman?"


Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:

" Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
 
2012-12-10 08:10:54 PM

Rickenbacker: hat joke was when I realized my son was going to be a handful. He learned that when he was about 5, and immediately began adapting it. First was "interrupting daddy". Interupting dadd- "DON'T TOUCH MY COMPUTER!". Then it was interrupting mommy. Interrupting mom- "BUY ME JEWELRY!". My wife failed to see the humor.



You got a smart kid, be proud. And give him something to do to use that energy constructively.
 
2012-12-10 08:14:55 PM
Genuine one from my childhood:

Q: What do you call a poo with a hole in its top hat?
A: A poor poo.

Strange the things that you remember.
 
2012-12-10 08:27:56 PM
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.


I've been trying to explain that joke to my daughter for years, and she still doesn't get it.
Clearly, she needs to watch more Monty Python.


My favorite stupid joke.
Q: Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
A: Wherever you left it.
 
2012-12-10 08:34:01 PM

jobskee: A: So the bear wiped its ass with the rabbit


I literally just told my kids that joke on the way to school the other day. They were still laughing when they got out of the car. Classic.
 
2012-12-10 09:14:10 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com

"Robin, your mother's a whore."
 
2012-12-11 12:18:09 AM
More silly jokes please :-) This has been the highlight of my day.
 
2012-12-11 12:24:51 AM
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

Do not see the third installment. It is bizarre, cut together like a cheap suit and makes no farking sense. Also, they wink at you at the end. Also, they made Alfred cry for no damn reason and then this woman arrives out of nowhere as the baddie and made no damn sense whatsoever.

One last thing, if you see a freak with a NO2 inhaler strapped to his head, shoot his ass. He may be tough but the hucker ain't bullet proof and killing him in the first reel will save the investors in this movie about $100 million.
 
2012-12-11 01:19:36 AM

Deep Contact: Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

Robin ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you, Batman?"


Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:

" Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."


I've seen that one several times, but with Sherlock and Watson instead of Batman and Robin.
 
2012-12-11 05:36:59 AM
FTFS: a man thought he had the record for the smallest penis but came out of the record place saying "who the hell is Justin Beiber."

HA! Now that's comedy.
 
2012-12-11 10:02:42 AM
Bend over, I'll drive.
 
Displayed 37 of 137 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report