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(Independent)   What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?   (independent.co.uk) divider line 137
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18915 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Dec 2012 at 1:00 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-10 01:40:20 PM

error 303: What's green and has wheels?

Grass. I was just kidding about the wheels.


The version I've been unloading on the younger kids in my life:

What's green, has lots and lots of teeth, and is made of cement? An alligator. (I lied about the cement.)
 
2012-12-10 01:40:59 PM
Jesus Christ, it's the Joker with a 4 foot long revolver! Get in the car!
 
2012-12-10 01:44:36 PM
Q. Why did the potato cross the road?
A. to get to the postbox

Didnt Dennis Leary swipe this from Jay Leno or something?
 
2012-12-10 01:47:10 PM

jaytkay: Submitted by Sarah P.
Q. Why did the potato cross the road?
A. to get to the postbox

[3.bp.blogspot.com image 400x302]


I love Tina Fey!
 
2012-12-10 01:48:08 PM

darth_badger: poop, poop, poop, poot, fart, poop, fart, fart, dookie...


Didnt Dennis Leary swipe this from some child or something?
 
2012-12-10 01:48:11 PM
What's long, brown, and sticky?

A stick.
 
2012-12-10 01:49:09 PM
"It's not a car."
 
2012-12-10 01:49:59 PM
"Did you remember to use the Batroom?"
 
2012-12-10 01:50:57 PM
A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"
 
2012-12-10 01:50:59 PM
i1139.photobucket.com

My kid told me this one . . .
 
2012-12-10 01:51:05 PM

dark side of the moon: I've told this one before but what the hell.

Q: What kind of a bee makes milk?
A: A boobie!


Didnt Dennis Leary swipe this from dark side of the moon or somethin?
 
2012-12-10 01:53:57 PM
f20.1addicts.com

"What was everyone looking at?"
 
2012-12-10 01:55:12 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-10 01:56:01 PM
Here are a couple really unfunny ones from the depressingly deep recesses of my memory, ones my sister and I used to tell to one another back in pre-school:

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Shampoo.
Shampoo who?
Sham-POOOO, who locked you in jail... and he likes you in jail!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mimi.
Mimi who?
MimialligatorHOOOOO!
 
2012-12-10 01:57:01 PM

Counter_Intelligent: A physics professor and his assistant are working on liberating negatively-charged hydroxyl ions, when all of a sudden, the assistant says, "Wait, professor, what if the salicylic acids do not accept the hydroxyl ions?" And the professor responds, "That's no hydroxyl ion; that's my wife!"


There is so much wrong with that joke.

/as if professors do any work
//Buzz Killington
 
2012-12-10 01:58:14 PM
That list soudned an awful lot like most Fark threads.
 
2012-12-10 02:01:10 PM
A grasshopper walks into a bar. Bartender goes, "hey, we have a drink named after you!" Grasshopper goes, "Wow, you have a drink named Steve!?"
 
2012-12-10 02:01:44 PM
It's always fun to say you've got a good knock knock joke, but the other person has to start it, so when you reply 'Who's there?' you wind up just awkwardly staring at each other.
 
ows
2012-12-10 02:02:43 PM
Make sure to strap on, um in.
 
2012-12-10 02:05:34 PM
Best knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting C-
MOOOOOO!
 
2012-12-10 02:06:45 PM
The Batman joke is good. We need a whole series of them.

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they jumped off the building?
A: Jump off the building!!!

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they slid down the pole?
A: Slide down the pole!

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they went to bed?
A: Slide down the pole!
 
2012-12-10 02:08:27 PM
i208.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-10 02:09:05 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: cgraves67: Q. What person just talks and talks and talks
A. A TEACHER WIFE !!!!

That's really, really funny from a child's husband's perspective.


My wife has asked, repeatedly, that I post a reply that this isn't funny.
 
2012-12-10 02:10:56 PM
My favorite....

"Two polar bears walk into a bar.

The third one ducks'"
 
2012-12-10 02:15:35 PM
Not a joke, but my nephew has renamed eggs "liquid chicken". I am both grossed out and amused.
 
2012-12-10 02:15:41 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: British children are just like our children, only uglier.


snortgigglelol + a tiny guffaw of pee.

/runs to restroom
 
2012-12-10 02:17:36 PM

Rising_Zan_Samurai_Gunman: Kids come up with some of the best racist jokes too, although they don't usually realize it. here's one from the tumblr page

What did the Mexican fireman call his two sons?

Hose A and Hose B


I've heard that one, but it was always, "What did the Mexican call his two peckers?"
 
2012-12-10 02:20:10 PM
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-12-10 02:26:20 PM
Carn:

Best knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting C-
MOOOOOO!


I once told that joke to my littlest nephew at a family gathering, and he loved it so much he went around telling it to everyone.

Unfortunately, the concept of *timing* needed for that joke hadn't quite dawned on him.

/ was actually funnier to hear him tell it.
 
2012-12-10 02:30:58 PM
I like the zombie one.
 
2012-12-10 02:31:03 PM
OK, I sweat more this time of year which causes the smell, but that doesn't begin to compare with your egg laying.
Also, why didn't you check the wheels on the batmobile before we left the cave, the Joker got away!
 
2012-12-10 02:31:53 PM

maxheck: Carn:

Best knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting C-
MOOOOOO!

I once told that joke to my littlest nephew at a family gathering, and he loved it so much he went around telling it to everyone.

Unfortunately, the concept of *timing* needed for that joke hadn't quite dawned on him.

/ was actually funnier to hear him tell it.


My nephew learned it in the past year and loves it and the same thing happened. We've been getting mileage out of it by replacing cow with "fart" or anything else. Fart jokes are always funny.
 
2012-12-10 02:32:01 PM

maxheck: Carn:

Best knock knock joke:

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting C-
MOOOOOO!

I once told that joke to my littlest nephew at a family gathering, and he loved it so much he went around telling it to everyone.

Unfortunately, the concept of *timing* needed for that joke hadn't quite dawned on him.

/ was actually funnier to hear him tell it.


That joke was when I realized my son was going to be a handful. He learned that when he was about 5, and immediately began adapting it. First was "interrupting daddy". Interupting dadd- "DON'T TOUCH MY COMPUTER!". Then it was interrupting mommy. Interrupting mom- "BUY ME JEWELRY!". My wife failed to see the humor.
 
2012-12-10 02:33:10 PM
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?


Because it was dead.

/Yes, I pulled the wings off of flies for fun when I was a kid.
 
2012-12-10 02:41:52 PM
The best thing about little kid jokes isn't the jokes themselves but the hysterical way the kids laugh when they tell them.
 
2012-12-10 02:44:14 PM
The Aristocrats!
 
2012-12-10 02:46:57 PM
An inside joke?
 
2012-12-10 02:47:32 PM
FTFA: Q. Why did the cow cross the road? A. because it wanted to poo on a car.

I can't explain why, but this one made reading that entire list worth it for me.
 
2012-12-10 02:47:51 PM
My four year old has decided there's one form of answer that's funnier than anything else -

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Cow.
Cow who?
Cow gonna eat you!!!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Banana gonna eat you!!!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dog
Dog who?
Dog gonna eat you!!!

After the 17th one, it starts to get funny.
 
2012-12-10 02:52:57 PM
Dnrta

- never ever again touch my radio
- You didn't call shotgun, get in the trunk
- I'm dropping you off back at the orphanage
- I'm a belieber.
 
2012-12-10 02:59:26 PM
My favorite kids' joke:

Q: What's long, brown, and sticky?
A: A stick.
 
2012-12-10 03:02:06 PM
Ah, Carn already told that one, oh well. The key is to sell it with hand gestures and facial expressions, until they're sure the answer can't be anything other than poop.
 
2012-12-10 03:03:01 PM
A Catholic, Hasidic Jew and a shiate Muslim walk into a bar. The bartender looks up says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"
 
2012-12-10 03:10:44 PM
Holy rubbers Batman! Catwomans pregnant.
 
2012-12-10 03:18:11 PM
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
 
2012-12-10 03:22:38 PM
Here's one I made up to go along with the theme.

Why did the man poop on the chair?

He was in a doctor's waiting room and he didn't get his prescription for diarrhea medication in time.
 
2012-12-10 03:26:49 PM

Orgasmatron138: What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.


Hah! I didn't know we were allowing real jokes in this thread.
 
2012-12-10 03:27:39 PM
Q. Why did the cow cross the road?
A. because it wanted to poo on a car.

Comedy gold.
 
2012-12-10 03:33:43 PM
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive a car?

Because she was a woman.

/kthxbai.
 
2012-12-10 03:40:39 PM
A: So the bear wiped its ass with the rabbit
 
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