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(Stuff.co.nz)   Insufferable couple announces breakup via song. Strangely satisfying (w/video)   (stuff.co.nz) divider line 96
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7229 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Dec 2012 at 1:40 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-10 02:34:08 PM  

JackieRabbit: Which Attention Whoring college did they met at?


Vegan U
 
2012-12-10 02:34:57 PM  
I could only stand 1 minute of that song before I was overcome with an urge to slap the shiat out of both of them.
 
2012-12-10 02:35:49 PM  

StaleCoffee: phrenicmonkey: StaleCoffee: phrenicmonkey: StaleCoffee: StaleCoffee: phrenicmonkey: CapeFearCadaver: phrenicmonkey: Way to tough it out, you two. Couldn't figure this shiat out before you hooked up?

They were together for 5 years... I dated a guy for five years when we were both in our mid-twenties. I always knew I wanted kids eventually but I also knew I certainly wasn't ready for that yet. He, on the other hand, really had no interest in having kids but had stated he hoped he changed his mind. After the 5 years he decided he definitely wanted kids and I decided I definitely didn't want kids with him. He's a good guy but completely irresponsible; it took a while to learn that one about him. Anyways, we broke up over 2 years ago and are really close friends. Just not looking for the same things... grew in different ways. That's all.

I'm under the impression (mistakenly?) that this couple's getting a divorce. Also, I'm old. Five years doesn't seem like much to me. Also, I don't like them.

This is a good point. Goddamn kids these days destroying traditional family values by communicating with each other and responsibly moving on from relationships they aren't happy in. They should do what everyone's always done, blame each other for their unhappiness and silently resent one another for 20 years before one starts down a path of alcoholism and the other has a string of infidelities resulting in an STD, so they can bring up the children neither really wanted or felt competent to have in an unbroken home they're each too afraid to completely leave because they have no idea how to live without dumping all of their angst and misery at the feet of someone else.

I forgot to add that I don't like them either and am glad they aren't having kids.

Lighten up. My opinion maybe wasn't thought out.

All right. I still don't like them though.

Let's not like them together.

I dunno. This is the Internet.


Well I'll be not liking them from over here. If you change your mind...
 
2012-12-10 02:38:24 PM  
Come on guys; obviously he just wants to be a mommy...she just wants to keep pegging him. He eventually figured out that that is not how babby is made.
 
2012-12-10 02:44:59 PM  

medius: oldfarthenry: I remember a time when people thought of their lives as a "journey"

someday, love will find you


Dammit! I'll just post this then...

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-12-10 02:50:40 PM  
Well, you didn't have to cut me off...
 
2012-12-10 02:52:33 PM  
fyrewede:He seems naively idealistic that "she'll come around." She sounds like she has NO interest in having kids, but will allow him to believe she might change her mind if it will get her the fairytale wedding she's always dreamed of. (sigh)

StaleCoffee:
So she's allowing him to think she will change her mind about wanting kids in the future, or to be more succinct, lying to him about it, and he believes her... I am cynical enough to accept that taking anything a woman says at face value is naive, but isn't the reason they aren't on the same page because she's a scheming biatch?


Yes and no. I sensed a lot of "She does things to me behind closed doors that no woman has ever done before! That's GOTTA make for a great marriage!" coming off of him too. She was pretty plainspoken about not wanting kids *now* but he's not really listening to that because it's not what he wants to hear.

When you get a deceptive person together with a person who is willing to be deluded...I think there's blame enough to go around for both parties.
 
Ral
2012-12-10 03:08:29 PM  
It's easy for men to want kids. I understand why some women would not. The woman is the one who has to carry them for 9 months, give birth to them, feed them, raise them, discipline them -- basically all the hard work. Dad just comes home and hugs and plays with them. He gets to enjoy them but doesn't have to deal with them when they're hungry, screaming, breaking things, tormenting the pets, lying, fighting, or anything else. When that starts, he just hands them to mom.

Can you blame women for not wanting to have them?
 
2012-12-10 03:09:59 PM  

fyrewede: fyrewede:He seems naively idealistic that "she'll come around." She sounds like she has NO interest in having kids, but will allow him to believe she might change her mind if it will get her the fairytale wedding she's always dreamed of. (sigh)

StaleCoffee:
So she's allowing him to think she will change her mind about wanting kids in the future, or to be more succinct, lying to him about it, and he believes her... I am cynical enough to accept that taking anything a woman says at face value is naive, but isn't the reason they aren't on the same page because she's a scheming biatch?

Yes and no. I sensed a lot of "She does things to me behind closed doors that no woman has ever done before! That's GOTTA make for a great marriage!" coming off of him too. She was pretty plainspoken about not wanting kids *now* but he's not really listening to that because it's not what he wants to hear.

When you get a deceptive person together with a person who is willing to be deluded...I think there's blame enough to go around for both parties.


Yeah, wild sex is hard to be rational around.

Is she leading him on or not, though? Because obviously it's not what he wants to hear, so either she's feeding him enough about kids in the future to keep him hooked to get married, or he's just being stupid and she's not disabusing him of the idea of kids in the future enough to get it through his head.

Dunno why believing the person you're getting married to is deluded unless you buy into that whole cynicism thing. Which is free by the way, and there are pamphlets every Tuesday.
 
2012-12-10 03:12:47 PM  
Shiat dude, you don't have to break up to have kids. Take a look at my cousin, he's been married to the same chick for 20 years, she has never had a kid and he has at least 5.
 
2012-12-10 03:23:56 PM  

Ral: It's easy for men to want kids. I understand why some women would not. The woman is the one who has to carry them for 9 months, give birth to them, feed them, raise them, discipline them -- basically all the hard work. Dad just comes home and hugs and plays with them. He gets to enjoy them but doesn't have to deal with them when they're hungry, screaming, breaking things, tormenting the pets, lying, fighting, or anything else. When that starts, he just hands them to mom.

Can you blame women for not wanting to have them?


I guess the "men" you are talking about are in actuality - boys.
 
2012-12-10 03:27:26 PM  

StaleCoffee:
Is she leading him on or not, though? Because obviously it's not what he wants to hear, so either she's feeding him enough about kids in the future to keep him hooked to get married, or he's just being stupid and she's not disabusing him of the idea of kids in the future enough to get it through his head.


I sense it's the latter, but I don't spend much time with these people. I've met them as a couple once before and they were just dating then. My husband works with the female half. She has always struck me as manipulative -- warm and friendly when she wants something from him or another coworker, aloof and distant when they don't have something she needs.


Dunno why believing the person you're getting married to is deluded unless you buy into that whole cynicism thing. Which is free by the way, and there are pamphlets every Tuesday.


??

If I'm understanding you correctly you're saying you're not sure why she'd want to marry a man who's operating under the mistaken idea that she wants to have kids with him?

That's simple -- and cynical. She isn't really thinking long-term. She's thinking "I want a fairytale wedding and a romantic tropical honeymoon and I want to be able to show off my diamond ring and I want a security blanket."

And I suspect that's about the extent of it. I don't get the feeling she's all a-swoon over finding her soulmate, or that she even aspires to that kind of relationship. My sense is that she's rather transactional, and he's just another poor, nice guy who mistook "crazy and manipulative" for "special, in love with me as a person, and a girl worth marrying."

These two are young (late 20's), so I suspect there is a lot of the "hearing only what they want to hear" and "seeing only what they want to see" going on that's common to couples in that age group.

Neither my husband nor I figured out that "sane and functional" can be every bit as sexy and interesting as "insane and dysfunctional" until we hit our early 40's. Fortunately that's when we met one another and as luck would have it, we were both available at that time (although neither of us was looking, oddly).

/happily ever after so far!
 
2012-12-10 03:28:34 PM  

Ral: It's easy for men to want kids. I understand why some women would not. The woman is the one who has to carry them for 9 months, give birth to them, feed them, raise them, discipline them -- basically all the hard work. Dad just comes home and hugs and plays with them. He gets to enjoy them but doesn't have to deal with them when they're hungry, screaming, breaking things, tormenting the pets, lying, fighting, or anything else. When that starts, he just hands them to mom.

Can you blame women for not wanting to have them?


Uh, hmmm. I can't tell you the number of fathers I know who are just as involved in the raising of their children as their wives. This notion of mom doing all the work and dad just playing with the kids from time-to-time has been gone for at least two decades.

And, In general, few men really want children. They do so because it is expected of them by family and/or society or because it's the only acceptable thing to their wives. I've known several men who really, really wanted children, but most have told me that they never wanted kids and if they had it to do again, they wouldn't do it. I've had more than a double-handful of women tell me the same thing. I watched parents for years and was they who lead to my ultimate decision not to have kids. They just didn't seem all that happy and fulfilled. Rather, they just seemed harried, horny, beaten down and exhausted. I took this to mean that parenting is much harder a job than most people realize.
 
2012-12-10 03:30:36 PM  
Hey dude, she doesn't want to have kids with you. Looks like you are the seat warmer of her early twenties. You had a run of five years with her and now she has a convenient excuse to dump your ass. I'm sick of guys crying because their wives/girlfriends don't want to have kids. It's simple, find a normal girl that wants the experience of having a family, not the hipster chick that you met at the performance space. There are plenty of women who still want to have a family. They may not share your taste in music/food/clothing, but will be a great wife and mother.

/It's also a good idea to have a career.
//Chances are her next boyfriend may have a bit more going on and she'll happily commit to having a family.
 
2012-12-10 03:32:47 PM  

Ral:
Can you blame women for not wanting to have them?


Nice - not too obvious, just enough ignorance that pleads for correcting. You got some good bites.
8/10
 
2012-12-10 03:42:26 PM  

spammuncher: Hey dude, she doesn't want to have kids with you. Looks like you are the seat warmer of her early twenties. You had a run of five years with her and now she has a convenient excuse to dump your ass. I'm sick of guys crying because their wives/girlfriends don't want to have kids. It's simple, find a normal girl that wants the experience of having a family, not the hipster chick that you met at the performance space. There are plenty of women who still want to have a family. They may not share your taste in music/food/clothing, but will be a great wife and mother.

/It's also a good idea to have a career.
//Chances are her next boyfriend may have a bit more going on and she'll happily commit to having a family.


Where should one meet such a woman? Farking church? Literally every woman I've dated in the last five years just wanted to party, and dumped/cheated on me the second I sat down to rest and was no longer entertaining her. The whole "women want family and commitment" stereotype is an anachronism from before the age of internet dating and everyone meeting 500 new people per year.
 
2012-12-10 03:50:59 PM  

spammuncher: Hey dude, she doesn't want to have kids with you. Looks like you are the seat warmer of her early twenties. You had a run of five years with her and now she has a convenient excuse to dump your ass. I'm sick of guys crying because their wives/girlfriends don't want to have kids. It's simple, find a normal girl that wants the experience of having a family, not the hipster chick that you met at the performance space. There are plenty of women who still want to have a family. They may not share your taste in music/food/clothing, but will be a great wife and mother.

/It's also a good idea to have a career.
//Chances are her next boyfriend may have a bit more going on and she'll happily commit to having a family.


There's an old saying that I accept as an axiom: A woman who makes a fantastic girlfriend will probably make an awful wife. If you are still in the stage where you need for your girlfriend to be great fun and the live of the party, you aren't ready to marry. Because family-minded women get past the party-girl phase first. You should, too.
 
2012-12-10 03:55:59 PM  

fyrewede: If I'm understanding you correctly you're saying you're not sure why she'd want to marry a man who's operating under the mistaken idea that she wants to have kids with him?


No, was trying to say I don't think he's delusional because he believes what she's feeding him. I can grok that she's manipulating him to get what she wants, and probably farking him silly to keep him addled enough not to look at anything too closely. There are worse schemes to endure, surely.

fyrewede: Neither my husband nor I figured out that "sane and functional" can be every bit as sexy and interesting as "insane and dysfunctional" until we hit our early 40's. Fortunately that's when we met one another and as luck would have it, we were both available at that time (although neither of us was looking, oddly).


Well, that's nice. Congratulations to you both. :)
 
2012-12-10 04:01:25 PM  

JackieRabbit: Ral: It's easy for men to want kids. I understand why some women would not. The woman is the one who has to carry them for 9 months, give birth to them, feed them, raise them, discipline them -- basically all the hard work. Dad just comes home and hugs and plays with them. He gets to enjoy them but doesn't have to deal with them when they're hungry, screaming, breaking things, tormenting the pets, lying, fighting, or anything else. When that starts, he just hands them to mom.

Can you blame women for not wanting to have them?

Uh, hmmm. I can't tell you the number of fathers I know who are just as involved in the raising of their children as their wives. This notion of mom doing all the work and dad just playing with the kids from time-to-time has been gone for at least two decades.

And, In general, few men really want children. They do so because it is expected of them by family and/or society or because it's the only acceptable thing to their wives. I've known several men who really, really wanted children, but most have told me that they never wanted kids and if they had it to do again, they wouldn't do it. I've had more than a double-handful of women tell me the same thing. I watched parents for years and was they who lead to my ultimate decision not to have kids. They just didn't seem all that happy and fulfilled. Rather, they just seemed harried, horny, beaten down and exhausted. I took this to mean that parenting is much harder a job than most people realize.


Some men want to have kids. I wanted kids so badly but my (then) wife and I were having fertility problems. I used to be so jealous seeing dads with their kids. Eventually we went IVF and had a wonderful son. And, yeah, while parenting is hard as heck it is extraordinarily rewarding.

I'm not with that wife anymore. She was abusive. But I have a great son and I'm so happy that I do.
 
2012-12-10 04:11:36 PM  
I'm going to offer another perspective. When I got together with my eventual wife (farker Logophile), she told me she had no interest in kids, she had her career goals mapped out and her much younger brother was such a terror it reinforced the 'no kids' attitude. Well, I did the right thing and ignored this as the naive position of the young. After many months of dating her biological click started to tick, especially when other friends of ours got pregnant, and what do you know, we had a baby about 10 months after that.

She said that was it, just the one. Foolish me, this time i believed her.

Six years later she says, "If I can quit my job I'll have more kids." We can make it work financially so I agree and hello, twins come out!

Our first kid will turn 18 in only 11 days... the time... wow

What's the lesson here? How about, "There's no way to work it all out ahead of time. Sometimes people grow and change and have different wants and desires as they age. You take your best shot knowing what you know at the time and hopefully you and your partner's goals remain compatible and your life is a happy one." Mine has been.
 
2012-12-10 04:15:01 PM  
No one with lips like that dude's should reproduce.
 
2012-12-10 04:15:29 PM  

phrenicmonkey: Way to tough it out, you two. Couldn't figure this shiat out before you hooked up?


Just wondering, what is the proper time to discuss having kids? First date, that's psycho territory. First year, still too many unknowns. Second year, maybe that's when these two started really trying to understand each other. Third year, both know each other's opinion on kids and is trying to change the opinions.

I'm glad these two didn't breed. Wish more people would wait before having kids.
 
2012-12-10 04:15:58 PM  
Damn attention whores, both of them.

I mean seriously, two people want to break up, what business is that of anyone but them?

But no, they gotta be cute about it and post a song which gets 500,000 hits; probably closer to 750K now that it has made the main page of FARK.

Grow up, get a life.
 
2012-12-10 04:22:50 PM  

abfalter:
And, yeah, while parenting is hard as heck it is extraordinarily rewarding.


It's rewarding in odd ways. I used to laugh at the things my kids would tell me. Which teacher was banging what parent. Who got tossed off the soccer team because the coach disliked the kid's dad. Even having my son explain the latest slang, because he knows I'm interested in living language.

And just today an early Christmas present arrived from my daughter in London - a first edition of Orwell's "Nineteen Eighty-Four." I almost cried, because she knows I love that book, and that I could never afford a first edition after paying for her college and medical school.

I'll sit it on the end table next to her graduation portrait, so I can look at it when life seems shiatty, and remember that having kids was the only entirely good thing I ever did.
 
2012-12-10 04:23:39 PM  

Tommy Moo:
Where should one meet such a woman? Farking church? Literally every woman I've dated in the last five years just wanted to party, and dumped/cheated on me the second I sat down to rest and was no longer entertaining her. The whole "women want family and commitment" stereotype is an anachronism from before the age of internet dating and everyone meeting 500 new people per year.


Let's see... where was I when I was single and in my 20's? I volunteered at the local hospital emergency room. I hung out with friends at a few local watering holes, but I wasn't a barfly by any stretch. I went to art gallery openings and live concerts now and then. I shopped for groceries. I went to the gym. I also attended the occasional wine tasting.

And I was very much interested in getting married and having a family.

The best way to meet a quality person worth marrying is similar to the best way to get a good job these days -- networking. Make sure the people in your orbit know you're available and know you're looking for Ms. Right and then ask them to scan their social and professional networks and see if they can introduce you to at least ONE sane, functional, marriage-minded female who they think would be a good fit for you.

I remember in college, a guy buddy of mine, Patrick, went for a couple of years without ever really having a girl who deserved him or who fit with him. He was kind of quirky -- a little introverted and really into new wave and punk music, offbeat clothes, etc. I wondered if he'd ever find his match.

Then I met Dena through mutual friends, and as I got to know her I thought, "OMG, this is Patrick's cosmic match. She's *perfect* for him." He was a little reluctant, I guess imagining that I was trying to set him up with someone like myself (we were great friends but would not have been a love match *at all*), but with a little arm twisting and confirmation from a couple of other mutual friends that Dena really was someone he'd probably like, he agreed to meet her.

I brought her to a party I knew he'd be attending ... and TaDa. That was all she wrote. They've been happily married for over 20 years now, have a couple of kids, and life is good.

I'm betting someone you know could do the same for you. The nice thing about meeting through friends is that they're somewhat pre-screened by people who know you and who have at least some sense of this other person's character and appropriateness for you.

Good luck!
 
2012-12-10 04:31:22 PM  
I love dead eyes
 
2012-12-10 04:31:31 PM  
The damn chick has a nice booger, "bat in the cave," going on at 0:35 !!!
 
2012-12-10 04:33:12 PM  
With that head and that hairline he should rethink passing on those genes.
 
2012-12-10 04:34:35 PM  
Was she run over by a crappy purple Scion?
 
2012-12-10 04:44:40 PM  
I thought it was because they had been together 5 years and the bj's had stopped.
 
2012-12-10 04:52:39 PM  
I
Hate
Them
Both
 
2012-12-10 05:06:33 PM  

phrenicmonkey: Way to tough it out, you two. Couldn't figure this shiat out before you hooked up?


My ex-husband lied to me about not wanting children. I told him from the get-go I didn't want them...he figured I'd change my mind. You can tell by the ex-part that he was wrong.

/We were married 10 years
//Glad that jerk is gone...
 
2012-12-10 05:14:54 PM  

Orangeness: phrenicmonkey: Way to tough it out, you two. Couldn't figure this shiat out before you hooked up?

My ex-husband lied to me about not wanting children. I told him from the get-go I didn't want them...he figured I'd change my mind. You can tell by the ex-part that he was wrong.

/We were married 10 years
//Glad that jerk is gone...


What, no song?
 
2012-12-10 05:29:07 PM  

JackieRabbit:

There's an old saying that I accept as an axiom: A woman who makes a fantastic girlfriend will probably make an awful wife. If you are still in the stage where you need for your girlfriend to be great fun and the live of the party, you aren't ready to marry. Because family-minded women get past the party-girl phase first. You should, too.


That just seems like a load of bollocks to me. I don't see how having fun and partying is in any way not compatible with long term relationships or having kids. Most people start to be responsible when they get pregnant, and most people don't want to stay in forever and ever and never get wrecked after they have had them either. That's what babysitters are for.

Seriously, I can't imagine any context in which your statement makes any sense at all. Except for some outdated ideal of the Little Woman staying home, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen ...
 
2012-12-10 05:41:28 PM  

Tommy Moo: spammuncher: Hey dude, she doesn't want to have kids with you. Looks like you are the seat warmer of her early twenties. You had a run of five years with her and now she has a convenient excuse to dump your ass. I'm sick of guys crying because their wives/girlfriends don't want to have kids. It's simple, find a normal girl that wants the experience of having a family, not the hipster chick that you met at the performance space. There are plenty of women who still want to have a family. They may not share your taste in music/food/clothing, but will be a great wife and mother.

/It's also a good idea to have a career.
//Chances are her next boyfriend may have a bit more going on and she'll happily commit to having a family.

Where should one meet such a woman? Farking church? Literally every woman I've dated in the last five years just wanted to party, and dumped/cheated on me the second I sat down to rest and was no longer entertaining her. The whole "women want family and commitment" stereotype is an anachronism from before the age of internet dating and everyone meeting 500 new people per year.


This being Fark I want to say something snarky like "stop picking up hot 20 year olds from clubs", but if you're looking around in such a way as to make it clear you are looking to connect with a woman at a deeper level and you just find it not working out, that sucks. Good luck and I hope you are more effective in your search for a compatible mate.
 
2012-12-10 06:24:55 PM  

Hoopy Frood: They don't write 'em like that anymore.


Came for this, surprised it took this long
 
2012-12-10 07:53:02 PM  
I can't even begin to describe my hate for these smug, self important people.

I would light them on fire if I could without repercussion. I would burn them to death.

/his children will look like Golum
//she is coming out as a lesbian in 3,2,1....
 
2012-12-10 08:15:58 PM  
Tommy Moo:

Where should one meet such a woman? Farking church?

Um... yes, actually. (: Try it sometime! We're all single!
 
2012-12-10 09:04:52 PM  
The fat and/or ugly ones still want the whole shebang. But she has to know she's fat/ugly. The delusional ones cheat and can't cook worth a damn.

Pretty much same with dudes.
 
2012-12-10 09:24:15 PM  

fyrewede: Tommy Moo:
Where should one meet such a woman? Farking church? Literally every woman I've dated in the last five years just wanted to party, and dumped/cheated on me the second I sat down to rest and was no longer entertaining her. The whole "women want family and commitment" stereotype is an anachronism from before the age of internet dating and everyone meeting 500 new people per year.

Let's see... where was I when I was single and in my 20's? I volunteered at the local hospital emergency room. I hung out with friends at a few local watering holes, but I wasn't a barfly by any stretch. I went to art gallery openings and live concerts now and then. I shopped for groceries. I went to the gym. I also attended the occasional wine tasting.

And I was very much interested in getting married and having a family.

The best way to meet a quality person worth marrying is similar to the best way to get a good job these days -- networking. Make sure the people in your orbit know you're available and know you're looking for Ms. Right and then ask them to scan their social and professional networks and see if they can introduce you to at least ONE sane, functional, marriage-minded female who they think would be a good fit for you.

I remember in college, a guy buddy of mine, Patrick, went for a couple of years without ever really having a girl who deserved him or who fit with him. He was kind of quirky -- a little introverted and really into new wave and punk music, offbeat clothes, etc. I wondered if he'd ever find his match.

Then I met Dena through mutual friends, and as I got to know her I thought, "OMG, this is Patrick's cosmic match. She's *perfect* for him." He was a little reluctant, I guess imagining that I was trying to set him up with someone like myself (we were great friends but would not have been a love match *at all*), but with a little arm twisting and confirmation from a couple of other mutual friends that Dena really was someone he'd probably lik ...


You're really nice.

What are you doing on Fark? :p
 
2012-12-10 10:32:46 PM  

fyrewede:

The best way to meet a quality person worth marrying is similar to the best way to get a good job these days -- networking. Make sure the people in your orbit know you're available and know you're looking for Ms. Right and then ask them to scan their social and professional networks and see if they can introduce you to at least ONE sane, functional, marriage-minded female who they think would be a good fit for you.

I remember in college, a guy buddy of mine, Patrick, went for a couple of years without ever really having a girl who deserved him or who fit with him. He was kind of quirky -- a little introverted and really into new wave and punk music, offbeat clothes, etc. I wondered if he'd ever find his match.

Then I met Dena through mutual friends, and as I got to know her I thought, "OMG, this is Patrick's cosmic match. She's *perfect* for him." ...


^^^THIS^^^

13 years married, and was told by a very good friend I would marry one of 3 guys he was introducing me to. First date, I knew my friend was right. Additional weirdness: Second guy of the 3 is happily married to my sister.

Write ON PAPER your list of requirements for your mate. Something about getting the requirements on paper clears your mind and focuses you to what you will and won't put up with. Makes it easier to steer clear of the crazies and find the good people, too.
 
2012-12-10 11:00:08 PM  

LadyShiva:
Write ON PAPER your list of requirements for your mate. Something about getting the requirements on paper clears your mind and focuses you to what you will and won't put up with. Makes it easier to steer clear of the crazies and find the good people, too.


Now it's my turn to say "^^^THIS^^^"! This is an *excellent* suggestion and something that both my husband and I did individually months before we actually met one another, and trust me, we each had some fairly unusual requirements when held up against the general US population.

After we met and fell in love and he shared his list with me he said, "Funny. You're everything on the list and more. The only thing I left off the list was the red hair. I guess it must not have been that important to me after all." (I'm a brunette - LOL! Fortunately for me, so is his mom. Thank you Sigmund Freud... And damn you Robert Heinlein for inspiring generations of nerd men to lust after titian-haired beauties!)
 
2012-12-10 11:21:01 PM  

Tommy Moo: You're really nice.

What are you doing on Fark? :p


I dunno. I've been here a few years and I like it here. :-D

There's some real wit and occasionally I learn some stuff I would not have come across otherwise.

Btw, and feel free to treat this as a rhetorical question if you like... Do you have a spiritual practice or philosophy of any kind that's meaningful to you?

Because "farking church" notwithstanding (grin), attending a gathering of people who share your belief system/philosophy/etc. is also a good way to meet a compatible female. Just...proceed with a little more caution when dating someone not vetted by your circle of friends as it's a LOT easier for someone to put on a facade to win your affections that is not an accurate representation of who they really are.

My ex-husband pulled that off for a year and a half or more until after we'd been married a while... then the mask came off. Honestly, I think he really wanted to be that nice guy I fell in love with. It just wasn't who he really was. Turns out who he really was needed a LOT of therapy... and was too proud and insecure to admit to needing it and going to get it. Which is part of the reason he's my ex.

One of the blessings of marrying later in life -- you'll find your standards are higher AND your filters are much better. The BS detector is much more finely tuned. That's how I knew, pretty much from Day 1, than Mr. fyrewede was The One. He just outshone every other man I'd ever known in terms of kindness and integrity... in fundamental decency.

Look for that in your lady love. Character and trust are everything. Without those, there is nothing worth having ... no solid foundation to build on.
 
2012-12-11 01:34:43 AM  
People do change. I never wanted kids, was very very vocal about it, but something about hubby (not sure what it is) fires off all the 'must have babies' neurons or something. It's absolutely killing me. I feel as though I've deceived him, and that's really not true, although by the comments here I would certainly be painted that way. I really don't know how to deal with it.
 
2012-12-11 06:02:27 AM  
http://bit.ly/bPdEob
 
2012-12-11 03:10:17 PM  

Tommy Moo: spammuncher: Hey dude, she doesn't want to have kids with you. Looks like you are the seat warmer of her early twenties. You had a run of five years with her and now she has a convenient excuse to dump your ass. I'm sick of guys crying because their wives/girlfriends don't want to have kids. It's simple, find a normal girl that wants the experience of having a family, not the hipster chick that you met at the performance space. There are plenty of women who still want to have a family. They may not share your taste in music/food/clothing, but will be a great wife and mother.

/It's also a good idea to have a career.
//Chances are her next boyfriend may have a bit more going on and she'll happily commit to having a family.

Where should one meet such a woman? Farking church? Literally every woman I've dated in the last five years just wanted to party, and dumped/cheated on me the second I sat down to rest and was no longer entertaining her. The whole "women want family and commitment" stereotype is an anachronism from before the age of internet dating and everyone meeting 500 new people per year.


I am such woman so it's out there. And yeah, I tried the church approach for finding a man and it didn't quite work out the way I had wished. In fact, I didn't get a single date out of the whole thing but I did meet some great friends.
 
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