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(Metro)   Planking was so yesterday. Milking was just about pouring milk on yourself. But porting, the act of pouring a bottle of port all over yourself could just be the most pointless Internet craze yet. Bonus: You waste a bottle of booze   (metro.co.uk) divider line 103
    More: Stupid, Durham University, Newcastle University, internet craze  
•       •       •

5073 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2012 at 3:29 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



103 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-12-08 11:41:36 AM  
By the looks of it, they're using ruby port. You don't want to drink that.
 
2012-12-08 12:31:32 PM  
Have we hit that point where the internet collapses in on itself and destroys civilization in the process yet?
 
2012-12-08 12:44:50 PM  

PvtHike: Have we hit that point where the internet collapses in on itself and destroys civilization in the process yet?


In defense of this activity, it disposes of bad port and at the same time drenches AWs in nasty, sticky purple. So not all bad.
 
2012-12-08 12:53:07 PM  
At least planking was free. That little stunt costs a bottle of port, a new white shirt and whatever else you ruin.

Genius!
 
2012-12-08 01:06:49 PM  

St_Francis_P: PvtHike: Have we hit that point where the internet collapses in on itself and destroys civilization in the process yet?

In defense of this activity, it disposes of bad port and at the same time drenches AWs in nasty, sticky purple. So not all bad.


I hadn't thought of it that way. This one isn't that bad.
 
2012-12-08 02:19:57 PM  

St_Francis_P: By the looks of it, they're using ruby port. You don't want to drink that.


I don't think I'd want to get it on me, either

/probably cause a rash
 
2012-12-08 02:35:49 PM  
Call me a pessimist, but I have great doubts about Liquid Nitrogening ever taking off.
 
2012-12-08 03:02:07 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Call me a pessimist, but I have great doubts about Liquid Nitrogening ever taking off.


Ah, but with this caliber of university students, it's more than possible: It's a certainty.*

*And I wouldn't lose any sleep over it, either.
 
2012-12-08 03:12:18 PM  

Apos: Ah, but with this caliber of university students, it's more than possible: It's a certainty.


SCIENCE!
 
2012-12-08 03:30:34 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Call me a pessimist, but I have great doubts about Liquid Nitrogening ever taking off.


I see what your doing there.

/and I like it.
 
2012-12-08 03:32:40 PM  
canadianawareness.org

Been there, done that. Permanently.
 
2012-12-08 03:33:27 PM  
This is what it looks like when an entire generation is unemployed and unemployable.

/planking
//owling
///tebowing
///gangnam style parodies
 
2012-12-08 03:33:41 PM  
Call me back when they start using this
veggiefitness.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-12-08 03:35:23 PM  
if some douchebag flipped his hair so it sprayed on me i'd kick him in the face for being such a dipshiat.
 
2012-12-08 03:35:39 PM  
Is milking related to prostate milking?
 
2012-12-08 03:36:24 PM  
The internet is out of ideas.
 
2012-12-08 03:36:46 PM  

themasterdebater: I see what your doing there.

/and I like it.


*tips hat*

Thanks kindly - cheers!


BunkyBrewman: At least planking was free. That little stunt costs a bottle of port, a new white shirt and whatever else you ruin.

Genius!


I wouldn't even do that with a $1 three-liter bottle of TIKI PUNCH (TM).
 
2012-12-08 03:38:12 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Apos: Ah, but with this caliber of university students, it's more than possible: It's a certainty.

SCIENCE!


i410.photobucket.com


"YESSSSSSSS!"
 
2012-12-08 03:42:29 PM  
mind if I pour it through my kidneys first?
 
2012-12-08 03:42:44 PM  
Wasting a bottle of booze?

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-08 03:42:53 PM  
So, what is a decent port to drink?
 
2012-12-08 03:43:11 PM  

lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.


Maybe they'll get around to "hanging" before they quit.
 
2012-12-08 03:46:39 PM  
as these internet fads get stupider and stupider, i can't help but think of terence mckenna's timewave zero theory.

Link
 
2012-12-08 03:47:15 PM  

Nina_Hartley's_Ass: lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.

Maybe they'll get around to "hanging" before they quit.


I like this idea. Let's start this fad in Congress
 
2012-12-08 03:48:23 PM  

lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.


I've got an idea. Wait for someone to do this, and then set them on fire*. That'll take care of the problem pretty quickly.



*assuming port has enough alcohol to make it flammable, I don't actually know if this is true.
 
2012-12-08 03:52:37 PM  
I'd like to start a rumor about the real hot new fad. It's called "contributing." You take a picture of yourself doing something that improves the human condition. It's awesome. All the cool kids are doing it. You should try it.

Go pick up litter, adopt a homeless animal, help an old lady cross the street, set a Republican on fire, help someone change a tire, rake your neighbor's leaves, run over a Westboro Baptist Church member, volunteer at a soup kitchen, plant some tulip bulbs, or something else that makes the world a better place, and take a photo of yourself doing it.
 
2012-12-08 03:52:39 PM  
Wasting good port? That's sacrilege 'round these parts.
 
2012-12-08 03:52:55 PM  
Is it me, or is the media just making these fads up and paying people to pose for photos?

I mean, college freshmen are stupid, but not THIS stupid.
 
2012-12-08 03:53:35 PM  
This falls under the broader classification of "Dumbassing".
 
2012-12-08 03:54:02 PM  
It's all fun and games until someone gets hit by a train.

/oh long johnson
 
2012-12-08 03:54:41 PM  
I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"
 
2012-12-08 03:55:05 PM  

St_Francis_P: By the looks of it, they're using ruby port. You don't want to drink that.


I was about to get outraged, but if this is true, then meh.

/I think I'll grab a bottle of tawny for tonight.
 
2012-12-08 03:55:36 PM  
Call me when people start having sex with each other and posting it. We can call it porking.

/oh, wait....
 
2012-12-08 03:55:41 PM  

breakfast_in_bedlam: I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"


Is it still murder if it's justified?
 
2012-12-08 03:56:00 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


For me, any without added sulfites.

/No such thing
 
2012-12-08 03:56:48 PM  
Why all the hate for Ruby port?

If you don't buy the cheap crap it's very delicious. I love Sandeman Private reserve, Six Grapes is pretty good

If you are spending anything less than 20 or 30 dollars on a bottle it's going to be pretty damn nasty in my experience.

Seems like a waste of a perfectly good shirt and cheap booze (college and cheap booze belong together).

Maybe it's because I'm about to be 31 -- but damn kids are freaking stupid.
 
2012-12-08 03:57:45 PM  

mgshamster: breakfast_in_bedlam: I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"

Is it still murder if it's justified?


Depends on how hot and white she is.
 
2012-12-08 03:58:51 PM  

Darkviking: Call me when people start having sex with each other and posting it. We can call it porking.

/oh, wait....


I applaud and encourage this endeavor.
 
2012-12-08 04:00:19 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Some tawnies are OK, but unexciting. The best is vintage port. It's everything that fantasy stories once led me to think red wine was.
 
2012-12-08 04:01:10 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Try out a 20 year old tawny port to start. Don't really go with anything older than that if you're just trying out different brands. From there, find a brand you like the most. The flavor doesn't change too much after 20 years; it does get better, but 20 is good enough to determine if you'll like it or not. I like Taylor Fladgate, myself, but Grahams isn't that bad, either.

/My choice in selection isn't the best; I just buy from the local Bevmo.
//There's probably a lot better out there than what I drink, but I'm not that much of an enthusiast to be able to point you in the right direction.
 
2012-12-08 04:01:30 PM  

ladyfortuna: lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.

I've got an idea. Wait for someone to do this, and then set them on fire*. That'll take care of the problem pretty quickly.



*assuming port has enough alcohol to make it flammable, I don't actually know if this is true.


It does, but it evaporates very quickly when it's poured out like this. It might work if you offered them a smoke right away, while the volatile fume cloud is still building up around them.
 
2012-12-08 04:02:17 PM  

mgshamster: breakfast_in_bedlam: I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"

Is it still murder if it's justified?


Are you talking about plain 'ol murder or "legitimate" murder as defined by the G.O.P. use of the term? I believe that you don't actually die if you're the victim of a "legitimate" murder.
 
2012-12-08 04:02:37 PM  

St_Francis_P: kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?

Some tawnies are OK, but unexciting. The best is vintage port. It's everything that fantasy stories once led me to think red wine was.


Ooh. Something new to try. Thanks!
 
2012-12-08 04:02:58 PM  
This appears to be an attempt to relive the birth process
/placenta
 
2012-12-08 04:03:29 PM  
I think we all know, the only acceptable time to ever waste alcohol is if the bottle from which it falls is a 40 ounce container. It should be some of the finer varieties of malt liquor like Mickeys, or Olde English. It is however acceptable, in times of hardship, to pour out a cheaper swill like Magnum, or King Cobra.

changethetopic.com
 
2012-12-08 04:03:42 PM  

breakfast_in_bedlam: mgshamster: breakfast_in_bedlam: I've got a great idea for all the people who come up with this shiat all the time. It's called "Murdering"

Is it still murder if it's justified?

Are you talking about plain 'ol murder or "legitimate" murder as defined by the G.O.P. use of the term? I believe that you don't actually die if you're the victim of a "legitimate" murder.


Well, from what I hear, the body does have ways of fighting it off if it's legitimate.
 
2012-12-08 04:03:44 PM  
The Durham porting video is pretty damn funny.

All other porting videos will be superfluous.
 
2012-12-08 04:05:19 PM  

St_Francis_P: kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?

Some tawnies are OK, but unexciting. The best is vintage port. It's everything that fantasy stories once led me to think red wine was.


Another note: it needs to be at least 15 years old before it's at its best. The 1983 vintage from Graham, Dow or Taylor Fladgate are my favorites, but they're getting hard to find.
 
2012-12-08 04:05:39 PM  
One thing is certain. Porking will never go out of style. There always has and always will be an internet audience for porking.
 
2012-12-08 04:05:54 PM  

accelerus: Why all the hate for Ruby port?

If you don't buy the cheap crap it's very delicious. I love Sandeman Private reserve, Six Grapes is pretty good

If you are spending anything less than 20 or 30 dollars on a bottle it's going to be pretty damn nasty in my experience.

Seems like a waste of a perfectly good shirt and cheap booze (college and cheap booze belong together).

Maybe it's because I'm about to be 31 -- but damn kids are freaking stupid.


I suggest never spending more than 15 bucks on a bottle. That way you never know its swill because you never have anything to compare it against.

Cheap port is palatible enough to swig, its cheap, and it gets you trashed pretty decent. Makes you feel like a real classy sort of bum.
 
2012-12-08 04:06:07 PM  

foxyshadis: ladyfortuna: lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.

I've got an idea. Wait for someone to do this, and then set them on fire*. That'll take care of the problem pretty quickly.



*assuming port has enough alcohol to make it flammable, I don't actually know if this is true.

It does, but it evaporates very quickly when it's poured out like this. It might work if you offered them a smoke right away, while the volatile fume cloud is still building up around them.


Sorry to be the naysayer, but at roughly 20% abv, port isn't flammable....
 
2012-12-08 04:06:11 PM  

foxyshadis: ladyfortuna: lordjupiter: The internet is out of ideas.

I've got an idea. Wait for someone to do this, and then set them on fire*. That'll take care of the problem pretty quickly.



*assuming port has enough alcohol to make it flammable, I don't actually know if this is true.

It does, but it evaporates very quickly when it's poured out like this. It might work if you offered them a smoke right away, while the volatile fume cloud is still building up around them.


I was thinking more like this:

i391.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-08 04:06:19 PM  
I like the fact that idiots identify themselves publicly like this. It makes them so much easier to avoid.
 
2012-12-08 04:06:41 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Oh, you know, any ol' port in a storm.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

...

... I'll go now.
 
2012-12-08 04:08:49 PM  
Fun Fact for those about to get into port: Port will give you one of the most crippling, horrible, and reverse peristaltic hangovers you can possible have. Proceed at your own risk...
 
2012-12-08 04:10:12 PM  
you know with all of these "trends" going on why don't these folks who want to be hip just escalate it to the next thing: gassing

NSFW and/or those with weak hearts or squeamish constitutions

I know totally different message there but you get the really gung ho idiots to do this, the gene pool gets cleaned a bit and we get to use the air they were wasting.

/Darwin wins, we win
 
2012-12-08 04:10:50 PM  

breakfast_in_bedlam: Fun Fact for those about to get into port: Port will give you one of the most crippling, horrible, and reverse peristaltic hangovers you can possible have. Proceed at your own risk...


Haven't had that experience. What the heck are you drinking?
 
2012-12-08 04:18:28 PM  

St_Francis_P: breakfast_in_bedlam: Fun Fact for those about to get into port: Port will give you one of the most crippling, horrible, and reverse peristaltic hangovers you can possible have. Proceed at your own risk...

Haven't had that experience. What the heck are you drinking?


I dunno, was years ago. Got drunk at a port tasing and the next day was hell. Whimpering and moving my forehead around the rim of the bowl in order to find a cold spot hell...

I sell wine and spirits and have a scary tolerance for booze. I can put away 1/2 a fifth of Bourbon and still confidently ride my motorcycle home, but that port knocked me the hell out.
 
2012-12-08 04:21:43 PM  
Why not just use Kool-Aid. It's cheap and it could be called L-AIDing.

imgboot.com
 
2012-12-08 04:24:12 PM  

Thrakkorzog: Why not just use Kool-Aid. It's cheap and it could be called L-AIDing.

[imgboot.com image 472x321]


[howaboutno.jpg]
 
2012-12-08 04:26:51 PM  
You'd think they'd at least make it a portmanteau. Portmantling or something.
 
2012-12-08 04:27:06 PM  

breakfast_in_bedlam: Thrakkorzog: Why not just use Kool-Aid. It's cheap and it could be called L-AIDing.

[imgboot.com image 472x321]

[howaboutno.jpg]


you're no fun anymore
 
2012-12-08 04:28:25 PM  
Where's plank porting? Too dangerous for the snowflakes?

Come on let's start some real combo idiocy kids.
 
2012-12-08 04:28:44 PM  

Morchella: You'd think they'd at least make it a portmanteau. Portmantling or something.


You're talking about modern college students. They're no longer expected to be clever.
 
2012-12-08 04:31:42 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Cancun.
 
2012-12-08 04:31:52 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Call me a pessimist, but I have great doubts about Liquid Nitrogening ever taking off.


Napalming didn't go over so well, either.
 
2012-12-08 04:33:31 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: Napalming didn't go over so well, either.


It never does.
 
2012-12-08 04:42:09 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Call me a pessimist, but I have great doubts about Liquid Nitrogening ever taking off.


Some people still like it

blog.rottencotton.com
 
2012-12-08 04:46:30 PM  

breakfast_in_bedlam: Sorry to be the naysayer, but at roughly 20% abv, port isn't flammable....


Well, it's not like we're lighting a bottle of port here. I was thinking about how flammable someone would be once it's poured on them.

Clothes probably make a bigger difference than the liquid, though.
 
2012-12-08 04:51:18 PM  

mgshamster: Some people still like it

blog.rottencotton.com


Boris Grishenko would agree with you.
 
2012-12-08 05:00:12 PM  
pluckychicken.files.wordpress.com
Blasphemy! 
 
2012-12-08 05:06:34 PM  

Prank Call of Cthulhu: I'd like to start a rumor about the real hot new fad. It's called "contributing." You take a picture of yourself doing something that improves the human condition. It's awesome. All the cool kids are doing it. You should try it.

Go pick up litter, adopt a homeless animal, help an old lady cross the street, set a Republican on fire, help someone change a tire, rake your neighbor's leaves, run over a Westboro Baptist Church member, volunteer at a soup kitchen, plant some tulip bulbs, or something else that makes the world a better place, and take a photo of yourself doing it.


They're already doing it. As with most AW's, they are only doing it for a few minutes until the cameras are off.

cdn1.elitedaily.com
 
2012-12-08 05:12:28 PM  

foxyshadis: breakfast_in_bedlam: Sorry to be the naysayer, but at roughly 20% abv, port isn't flammable....

Well, it's not like we're lighting a bottle of port here. I was thinking about how flammable someone would be once it's poured on them.

Clothes probably make a bigger difference than the liquid, though.


The port is more likely to put any fires out. 20% abv won't even stop port from freezing. You need roughly 32% abv to protect from freezing and about 50% abv for flammability.

/I know I'm being a bit of a prig here, but I sell booze so I know about this kind of crap so as to prevent people from freezing that which should not be frozen and keeping an open flame around that which should be treated gingerly around an open flame, etc...
 
2012-12-08 05:21:39 PM  

breakfast_in_bedlam: foxyshadis: breakfast_in_bedlam: Sorry to be the naysayer, but at roughly 20% abv, port isn't flammable....

Well, it's not like we're lighting a bottle of port here. I was thinking about how flammable someone would be once it's poured on them.

Clothes probably make a bigger difference than the liquid, though.

The port is more likely to put any fires out. 20% abv won't even stop port from freezing. You need roughly 32% abv to protect from freezing and about 50% abv for flammability.

/I know I'm being a bit of a prig here, but I sell booze so I know about this kind of crap so as to prevent people from freezing that which should not be frozen and keeping an open flame around that which should be treated gingerly around an open flame, etc...


I now have you farkied as "the booze merchant"
 
2012-12-08 05:29:02 PM  

D_Evans45: I think we all know, the only acceptable time to ever waste alcohol is if the bottle from which it falls is a 40 ounce container. It should be some of the finer varieties of malt liquor like Mickeys, or Olde English. It is however acceptable, in times of hardship, to pour out a cheaper swill like Magnum, or King Cobra.

[changethetopic.com image 164x308]


nubian, please...

cdn-ak.f.st-hatena.com
 
2012-12-08 05:38:43 PM  
5 or 6 morons doing something once is all it takes to make an internet craze in England. It sounds so painfully dull over there.
 
2012-12-08 07:05:52 PM  
Brits just take things too far...
 
2012-12-08 07:06:25 PM  
www.tamarwhyte.com

Wanking.

It also helps African kids.
 
2012-12-08 07:07:02 PM  
Dumbassing
 
2012-12-08 07:10:50 PM  
Faith Hilling?
/took this long?
 
2012-12-08 07:38:13 PM  
We need to just get right to the end of these trends. I propose 'Pooping'.

Basically, you just poop on somebody and take a picture of the process.
 
2012-12-08 07:40:42 PM  
t.qkme.me
 
2012-12-08 07:46:28 PM  

NaughtyByNurture: We need to just get right to the end of these trends. I propose 'Pooping'.

Basically, you just poop on somebody and take a picture of the process.


Been done. I think they call it "scat porn". I'm not looking that up either.
 
2012-12-08 08:02:16 PM  
I think we should promote "FARKING" where you pour a bottle of Port (or other form of booze) down your throat.
 
2012-12-08 08:13:20 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Trentadue Chocolate Amore is not only very tasty, but pretty damn affordable. For another $10 you can get their Angelica, which is out of this world!
 
2012-12-08 08:36:14 PM  
What's wrong with milking?

img3.visualizeus.com
 
2012-12-08 09:48:47 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


You have to get the good and expensive port. You know, the ones that come in the gallon jugs for $3.99 vintage last Thursday.
 
2012-12-08 10:03:59 PM  

mgshamster: breakfast_in_bedlam: foxyshadis: breakfast_in_bedlam:
I now have you farkied as "the booze merchant"


As do I, now.
 
2012-12-08 10:51:53 PM  
Still better than leisure diving!
 
2012-12-08 10:53:35 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Taylor Fladgate 20 year old tawny port.
 
2012-12-08 11:26:48 PM  

Mock26: kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?

Taylor Fladgate 20 year old tawny port.


That's what recommended, as well. It's probably my favorite.
 
2012-12-09 12:07:56 AM  
Eh, its just wine. Ill save my outrage for when they start Single Malt Scotching.
 
2012-12-09 01:10:51 AM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


Cockburns vintage tawny. Hey, I lived in Oporto for three months, so I should know.
 
2012-12-09 05:30:08 AM  
Did no-one RTFA? It's a viral campaign for some random washing powder; the videos will be used to show how the shirts wash whiter than before. "We were approached by a high street washing powder brand,"
 
2012-12-09 09:41:47 AM  
www.redbullusa.com

Copycats, It's been done before. At least use something nobody wants to drink.
 
2012-12-09 11:09:38 AM  
oh long johnson
 
2012-12-09 12:19:28 PM  
Milking?
carlosnightman.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-12-09 12:46:22 PM  

St_Francis_P: By the looks of it, they're using ruby port. You don't want to drink that.


What the Sams hell are you talking about? Rent port is a fine after dinner/toasting drink.
 
2012-12-09 12:49:02 PM  

kim jong-un: So, what is a decent port to drink?


I like Presidenial myself.
 
2012-12-09 01:03:25 PM  

Im_Gumby: Milking?
[carlosnightman.files.wordpress.com image 850x505]



Is that from a movie, if so which one? After seeing this picture, I am compelled to know just what is going on in that picture.
 
2012-12-09 01:20:39 PM  

St_Francis_P: breakfast_in_bedlam: Fun Fact for those about to get into port: Port will give you one of the most crippling, horrible, and reverse peristaltic hangovers you can possible have. Proceed at your own risk...

Haven't had that experience. What the heck are you drinking?


lots.

port hangovers feel like a blasting cap blew off the top of your head and someone tried to glue the pieces back together with molasses

/still worth it.
 
2012-12-09 01:26:24 PM  

D_Evans45: Im_Gumby: Milking?
[carlosnightman.files.wordpress.com image 850x505]


Is that from a movie, if so which one? After seeing this picture, I am compelled to know just what is going on in that picture.


Link to more, some NSFW
 
2012-12-09 01:35:39 PM  
Im_Gumby:


Male self loathing... Was this guy a really insecure closet homosexual?
 
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