If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Today)   Article about how to have great sex as parents written by someone who either isn't a parent, has only one child and/or can afford to not raise their own kids   (today.com) divider line 23
    More: Unlikely, intimate relationship, parents  
•       •       •

9472 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2012 at 1:44 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-08 12:32:04 PM  
6 votes:
My partner doesn't share the load with me

If it's a small load just do it by hand.
2012-12-08 03:33:22 PM  
4 votes:
Here's my CSB to go with the thread.

When I was in my late 20s, my first marriage wasn't going well, and I was pretty depressed in part because it had been months since we'd had sex. During that time, I was visiting my parents, who were in their late 60s. I noticed that my mom kept getting up to go to the bathroom, so I asked my dad about it. He said she'd gotten a yeast infection. I mentioned that my wife had gotten those and they were pretty easy to deal with. I explained that there's a cream that she should use and they just have to abstain from sex for a couple weeks, and it should clear up quickly.

My dad's face literally went ashen. He said "TWO WEEKS? Are you KIDDING me? Isn't there some other way?" and on and on he went. He could hardly imagine it. I honestly didn't know what to say.

I managed not to commit suicide that night.
2012-12-08 02:01:59 PM  
4 votes:
graphics8.nytimes.com
Knows a way you can have great sex with kids.
2012-12-08 08:16:46 PM  
2 votes:

eltejon: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

Had that happy time with our first kid too. It contributed to my go ahead for number two. Sadly, that lightning didn't strike twice and insomnia put a big damper on the fun (1 1/2 times in 40 weeks). But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.


How did she get you to lactate?
2012-12-08 03:45:59 PM  
2 votes:
1. Acquire bed with massive headboard
2. Loosen screws at headboard junction
3. Pull bed 3in away from wall
4. Tell the children the banging is a monster under the bed
5. Profit
2012-12-08 03:33:40 PM  
2 votes:

Spaz-master: [sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 720x537]


1.bp.blogspot.com
2012-12-08 03:19:05 PM  
2 votes:
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
2012-12-08 01:56:25 PM  
2 votes:
My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?
2012-12-08 01:47:40 PM  
2 votes:

Gulper Eel: The elvers are at their grandparents' tonight and so my wife and I have the whole day to ourselves, but we can't remember how to get a kick out of this article...


The fact that you know what juvenile eels are called makes me a little bit happier about the human race.
2012-12-08 01:03:55 PM  
2 votes:
My wife and I have been having great sex since we first met. It's all about drugging your kids, I mean, putting them to bed early...
2012-12-08 04:13:01 PM  
1 votes:
www.milfotos.org
2012-12-08 03:09:45 PM  
1 votes:
I'm married and have kids and I use Vaseline for sex purposes.

I put it on the doorknob so the kids can't come in.

/stolen
2012-12-08 03:08:04 PM  
1 votes:

eltejon: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

Had that happy time with our first kid too. It contributed to my go ahead for number two. Sadly, that lightning didn't strike twice and insomnia put a big damper on the fun (1 1/2 times in 40 weeks). But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.


Jesus, TMI, man, TMI.
2012-12-08 03:07:26 PM  
1 votes:

eltejon: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

Had that happy time with our first kid too. It contributed to my go ahead for number two. Sadly, that lightning didn't strike twice and insomnia put a big damper on the fun (1 1/2 times in 40 weeks). But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.


That was way more than any of us needed to know.
2012-12-08 02:42:58 PM  
1 votes:
Go to your room kids I'm going to fark your mother

/never fails to work
2012-12-08 02:16:24 PM  
1 votes:

skullkrusher: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

I guess that would be "overdrive"... whatevs, she liked the penis a lot then


She likes the penis a lot now, just not yours.

/everyone is banging your wife.
2012-12-08 02:04:26 PM  
1 votes:
Oh, I remember those fun days of, "Put on 'Bob the Builder' and let's go upstairs for 15 minutes."

My kids are 13 and 11 now. So today, we just say, "if the door is locked, and you knock, we will beat you repeatedly".
2012-12-08 02:03:05 PM  
1 votes:

pxlboy: whistleridge: How to have great sex with kids in the house:

1. Don't have kids
2. Don't let kids in the house
3. Have great sex whenever you like

This. Not having kids and the girlfriend doesn't, either. Win/win.


We should all start a club with a newsletter and t-shirts.
2012-12-08 01:52:28 PM  
1 votes:
no kids, sex free for so long can't remember what it feels like.

/shoot me. just, please, shoot me now
2012-12-08 01:47:18 PM  
1 votes:

HeadbangerSmurf: My wife and I have been having great sex since we first met. It's all about drugging your kids, I mean, putting them to bed early...


She's sitting next to you on the couch, isn't she?
2012-12-08 01:47:06 PM  
1 votes:
What is this "sex" you speak of?
I asked my wife, and she didn't know.
2012-12-08 01:46:33 PM  
1 votes:
How to have great sex with kids in the house:

1. Don't have kids
2. Don't let kids in the house
3. Have great sex whenever you like
2012-12-08 12:38:42 PM  
1 votes:
The elvers are at their grandparents' tonight and so my wife and I have the whole day to ourselves, but we can't remember how to get a kick out of this article...
 
Displayed 23 of 23 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report