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(Today)   Article about how to have great sex as parents written by someone who either isn't a parent, has only one child and/or can afford to not raise their own kids   (today.com ) divider line 103
    More: Unlikely, intimate relationship, parents  
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9487 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Dec 2012 at 1:44 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-08 12:16:59 PM  
I'm assuming go get some strange isn't in TFA
 
2012-12-08 12:32:04 PM  
My partner doesn't share the load with me

If it's a small load just do it by hand.
 
2012-12-08 12:38:42 PM  
The elvers are at their grandparents' tonight and so my wife and I have the whole day to ourselves, but we can't remember how to get a kick out of this article...
 
2012-12-08 01:03:55 PM  
My wife and I have been having great sex since we first met. It's all about drugging your kids, I mean, putting them to bed early...
 
2012-12-08 01:46:33 PM  
How to have great sex with kids in the house:

1. Don't have kids
2. Don't let kids in the house
3. Have great sex whenever you like
 
2012-12-08 01:47:06 PM  
What is this "sex" you speak of?
I asked my wife, and she didn't know.
 
2012-12-08 01:47:18 PM  

HeadbangerSmurf: My wife and I have been having great sex since we first met. It's all about drugging your kids, I mean, putting them to bed early...


She's sitting next to you on the couch, isn't she?
 
2012-12-08 01:47:40 PM  

Gulper Eel: The elvers are at their grandparents' tonight and so my wife and I have the whole day to ourselves, but we can't remember how to get a kick out of this article...


The fact that you know what juvenile eels are called makes me a little bit happier about the human race.
 
2012-12-08 01:52:28 PM  
no kids, sex free for so long can't remember what it feels like.

/shoot me. just, please, shoot me now
 
2012-12-08 01:52:33 PM  
I find it just the opposite. It was fun finding new and exciting places to have sex to hide from the kids. Now that we're empty nesters, being able to haves sex any time you want seems....boring. Or maybe it's just because we are old now.
 
2012-12-08 01:53:10 PM  

whistleridge: How to have great sex with kids in the house:

1. Don't have kids
2. Don't let kids in the house
3. Have great sex whenever you like


This. Not having kids and the girlfriend doesn't, either. Win/win.
 
2012-12-08 01:54:21 PM  
The ex and I never had issues finding time for sex. We'd have sexytimes at least twice a day. Although, my son slept through the night since he was born. YMMV
 
2012-12-08 01:56:25 PM  
My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?
 
2012-12-08 02:00:38 PM  

willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to well below normal in a few weeks years.


There we go.
 
2012-12-08 02:01:59 PM  
graphics8.nytimes.com
Knows a way you can have great sex with kids.
 
2012-12-08 02:02:33 PM  
My ex and i maintained a nearly daily shag session after kids...

Sex is NOT the glue. He was a great lay and never had complaints about me either, but things just didn't work out in the end.

Current hubby is my absolute soulmate, but doesn't fark me enough..

/sigh
 
2012-12-08 02:03:05 PM  

pxlboy: whistleridge: How to have great sex with kids in the house:

1. Don't have kids
2. Don't let kids in the house
3. Have great sex whenever you like

This. Not having kids and the girlfriend doesn't, either. Win/win.


We should all start a club with a newsletter and t-shirts.
 
2012-12-08 02:04:26 PM  
Oh, I remember those fun days of, "Put on 'Bob the Builder' and let's go upstairs for 15 minutes."

My kids are 13 and 11 now. So today, we just say, "if the door is locked, and you knock, we will beat you repeatedly".
 
2012-12-08 02:04:35 PM  
"Sex is boring now." I've talked to parents who spend more time planning their child's birthday party than their sex lives. Make a date and tell each other over dinner how you like to build up to sex and what your favorite things are to do in bed. This takes courage and vulnerability - two qualities that truly keep sex spicy.

media.tumblr.com

/The safe word is "banana".
 
2012-12-08 02:05:32 PM  
Occupy your children. Sneak away for sex. Sneak back in as if you were back in high school.
 
2012-12-08 02:06:34 PM  

willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?


my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!
 
2012-12-08 02:07:22 PM  

skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!


I guess that would be "overdrive"... whatevs, she liked the penis a lot then
 
2012-12-08 02:10:57 PM  
Hire out every possible piece of non-essential work that you can afford.

Yeeeeeah, you do that. Let me know how the soul-eating guilt affects your sex drive.
 
2012-12-08 02:11:52 PM  
This is why I won't date a single mother. Well, one nighters are still OK.
 
2012-12-08 02:14:22 PM  

tricycleracer: pxlboy: whistleridge: How to have great sex with kids in the house:

1. Don't have kids
2. Don't let kids in the house
3. Have great sex whenever you like

This. Not having kids and the girlfriend doesn't, either. Win/win.

We should all start a club with a newsletter and t-shirts.


Only if we can also have meetings where we swap girlfriends and have great sex, without having to worry about finding a sitter.
 
2012-12-08 02:15:21 PM  
No kids but my wife hasn't had a period in 74 days now. Still fails pregnancy tests. I think maybe it's time for a blood test.
 
2012-12-08 02:16:24 PM  

skullkrusher: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

I guess that would be "overdrive"... whatevs, she liked the penis a lot then


She likes the penis a lot now, just not yours.

/everyone is banging your wife.
 
2012-12-08 02:18:49 PM  

Larry Mahnken: skullkrusher: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

I guess that would be "overdrive"... whatevs, she liked the penis a lot then

She likes the penis a lot now, just not yours.

/everyone is banging your wife.


I thought our bank account seemed a lot bigger recently.
 
2012-12-08 02:23:26 PM  

L.D. Ablo: This is why I won't date a single mother. Well, one nighters are still OK.

 
2012-12-08 02:23:29 PM  
The world would be a lot better place if people with kids didn't have sex.
 
2012-12-08 02:24:19 PM  

Mayhem of the Black Underclass: Occupy your children. Sneak away for sex. Sneak back in as if you were back in high school.


This

Sex doesn't have to get boring when you have kids

Go to the strip club, watch porn, and sex shops when they are in school...Keep it interesting. Put the kids to bed at 8 o'clock or earlier.

We also have an agreement when I travel for work...

So no sex doesn't have to end after kids, but I have a good woman who understands that we don't have to be monogamous to be committed.
 
2012-12-08 02:25:22 PM  

L.D. Ablo: This is why I won't date a single mother. Well, one nighters are still OK.


Cuba Gooding Jr. frowns on your shenanigans:

s18.postimage.org
 
2012-12-08 02:25:47 PM  
My married sex life is pretty much just trying to slam in a ragespank in the 20 after she leaves for work and before I have to hit the road.
 
2012-12-08 02:27:19 PM  

Barfmaker: My partner doesn't share the load with me

If it's a small load just do it by hand.


Came (ha!) here for this. Leaving very satisfied.

/creampies
 
2012-12-08 02:30:40 PM  
While children don't know what goes on in the master bedroom (and if they do, time to invest in a better lock), they instinctively know whether their parents share chemistry.

When they're little, they also know when it's time to interrupt sexytime, or at least mine did.

Mommy! Daddy! Let me in! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
 
2012-12-08 02:31:34 PM  

KrispyKritter: no kids, sex free for so long can't remember what it feels like.

/shoot me. just, please, shoot me now


Your lady sounds like the woman I strive never to become.

Ladies: withholding sex from your man (partner) is a negative feedback loop. It only makes him/her upset and makes you biatchier and harder to deal with.
 
2012-12-08 02:31:42 PM  

spaten: Mayhem of the Black Underclass: Occupy your children. Sneak away for sex. Sneak back in as if you were back in high school.

This

Sex doesn't have to get boring when you have kids

Go to the strip club, watch porn, and sex shops when they are in school...Keep it interesting. Put the kids to bed at 8 o'clock or earlier.

We also have an agreement when I travel for work...

So no sex doesn't have to end after kids, but I have a good woman who understands that we don't have to be monogamous to be committed.


I was with you until that last sentence. You have committed yourself to being a complete asshole with that one, But, hey, if that is what works for you...
 
2012-12-08 02:33:46 PM  
My wife and I have a baby that's 6 months old. And that's about how often we've gotten our groove on since he arrived. It's not lack of will. It's sheer exhaustion. The man-child doesn't quite grok the concept of sleeping through the night.

(Upgrading to larger living quarters soon. I suspect we'll sleep better after the lad gets his own room.)
 
2012-12-08 02:35:31 PM  
Just video tape it and show it to them before school every day.
 
2012-12-08 02:36:41 PM  

Coastalgrl: KrispyKritter: no kids, sex free for so long can't remember what it feels like.

/shoot me. just, please, shoot me now

Your lady sounds like the woman I strive never to become.

Ladies: withholding sex from your man (partner) is a negative feedback loop. It only makes him/her upset and makes you biatchier and harder to deal with.


This

Plus angry sex is the best sex!
 
2012-12-08 02:38:15 PM  

skullkrusher: Larry Mahnken: skullkrusher: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

I guess that would be "overdrive"... whatevs, she liked the penis a lot then

She likes the penis a lot now, just not yours.

/everyone is banging your wife.

I thought our bank account seemed a lot bigger recently.


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-08 02:38:46 PM  
I am one of those married men with kids who still has great sex with his wife.

There are plenty of opportunities for us to have sex without worrying about the kids interrupting us or something like that. Generally we just wait until we've put them to bed. Or we might sneak some sex in the afternoon if the kids go over to a friend's house to play or something like that.

We try to vary up the sex as much as possible... not doing the same things every time. We also try to think up new things to try as well. It doesn't have to be boring... of course that probably depends on who you're with. Some people just aren't into anything out of the ordinary. I'll count myself lucky that my wife is cool with trying new things.
 
2012-12-08 02:41:16 PM  

picturescrazy: No kids but my wife hasn't had a period in 74 days now. Still fails pregnancy tests. I think maybe it's time for a blood test.


She's a dude and finally loosened up enough to stop bleeding.
 
2012-12-08 02:41:37 PM  

Peter von Nostrand: I'm assuming go get some strange isn't in TFA


TFA ????????

Acronym Definition
TFA Transformers: Animated (TV cartoon)
TFA Trifluoroacetic Acid
TFA Teach For America
TFA Toughest Firefighter Alive (firefighter challenge)
TFA Très Faible Activité (French: Very Slow Activity; nuclear waste radioactivity measurement)
TFA Trans Fatty Acid
TFA Things Fall Apart (Chinua Achebe book)
TFA Thyroid Foundation of America
TFA Two Factor Authentication (computer security authentication)
TFA Temporary Family Assistance (Connecticut)
TFA Total Fatty Acids
TFA Transitional Finance Authority (New York City)
TFA Time for Action
TFA Tennessee Forestry Association (Nashville, TN)
TFA Thanks For Asking
TFA Texas Forensic Association
TFA The Fallen Angels (gaming clan)
TFA Task Force Alpha (Vietnam era military operation)
TFA Total Flow Area (petroleum industry)
TFA Transparent File Access
TFA The Future Antiques (St. Louis, MO)
TFA Threat from Above (World of Warcraft group quest)
TFA Tanks Focus Area
TFA Toxic Free Area
TFA Tangible Fixed Assets
TFA Target Factor Analysis
TFA Trend Filtering Algorithm
TFA Total Fixed Assets
TFA Trade Facilitation Alliance
TFA The Fashion Association (now part of American Apparel and Footwear Association)
TFA TIE Fighter Alliance (gaming organization)
TFA Temporary Field Authorization (Canada)
TFA Technical Field Assistance
TFA Trust Fund Advisors, Inc.
TFA The Firefly Academy (online, nature-based school)
TFA Transfer Function Analyzer
TFA Technical Field Advisor (various organizations)
TFA Telecommunications For All (email news)
TFA The Friendly Alliance (gaming clan)
TFA Traditionalfolkart.com
TFA Technical Focus Area
TFA The Fighting Alliance (gamming clan)
TFA Trade Fair Authority (India)
TFA Tanganyika Farmers' Association Limited (Arusha, Tanzania)
TFA The Freaking Article (also see RTFA; polite form)
TFA Total Force Assessment
TFA Transfer Frame Assembly
TFA Transient Fault Analysis
TFA Take for Action
TFA Treated Fresh Air Unit (indoor ventilation; India)
TFA Topic-Focus Articulation (linguistics)
TFA Trajectory Feasibility Analysis
TFA Timber Frame Association (UK)
TFA Time Finance Adjusters (Daytona Beach, FL)
submit new definition
 
2012-12-08 02:42:45 PM  
My dad had a job with 4 weeks of vacation per year. One of those weeks was mom and dad alone vacation. I firmly believe that my dad was getting some to the week he died. My brothers and I had a live-in baby sitter for one week each year. And then there was also sleep-away summer camp.

Guys I used to work with in the Army had a thing called the "nooner." Who needs a baby sitter when you have public schools and an hour and a half lunch break? One of them had a video tape with 6 1/2 hour Barney episodes that would keep his daughter glued to the TV downstairs while he and mom tried to make a son upstairs. When my platoon was about to leave Afghanistan, the 20 pack of Disney DVDs was hugely popular among those married with children.

It can be done. We have the technology.

Regarding the articles complaints:
1. Morning wood.
2. Hire a maid.
3. Toys.
4. Cell phone.
 
2012-12-08 02:42:58 PM  
Go to your room kids I'm going to fark your mother

/never fails to work
 
2012-12-08 02:45:01 PM  
I'm tired of doing all the work. Le sexy time would be vastly improved if I wasn't the only one putting in effort.

Kids + sex = too much work.

I think I need to get a pool boy. Might be suspicious... I don't have a pool.
 
2012-12-08 02:45:39 PM  
Get divorced;

as far as I can tell, the happiest 'parents' I can see are those who get to dump their kids on their Ex and go on a farky-farky vacation with their BF or GF
 
2012-12-08 02:46:59 PM  

megarian: I'm tired of doing all the work. Le sexy time would be vastly improved if I wasn't the only one putting in effort.

Kids + sex = too much work.

I think I need to get a pool boy. Might be suspicious... I don't have a pool.


If you're the girl and you are doing all the work that means that you are too bossy in bed.

Trust me : If you told you man to "take you any way you (he) sees fit" he could manage it.

Your preconceived notions of what married sex should be like is what killed your married sex.
 
2012-12-08 02:47:00 PM  

CoysOdie: Peter von Nostrand: I'm assuming go get some strange isn't in TFA

TFA ????????

Acronym Definition
TFA Transformers: Animated (TV cartoon)
TFA Trifluoroacetic Acid
TFA Teach For America
TFA Toughest Firefighter Alive (firefighter challenge)


snip...


"TFA The Freaking Article (also see RTFA; polite form)"
Rewording of for Read The Farking Article.
 
2012-12-08 02:48:47 PM  

rubi_con_man: megarian: I'm tired of doing all the work. Le sexy time would be vastly improved if I wasn't the only one putting in effort.

Kids + sex = too much work.

I think I need to get a pool boy. Might be suspicious... I don't have a pool.

If you're the girl and you are doing all the work that means that you are too bossy in bed.

Trust me : If you told you man to "take you any way you (he) sees fit" he could manage it.

Your preconceived notions of what married sex should be like is what killed your married sex.


I would love to agree, but he's really lazy.

I am not picky. Or bossy. Maybe I should be bossy an just order him around ;)
 
2012-12-08 02:50:54 PM  

whistleridge: 2. Don't let kids in the house


You know how some folks have outside dogs? Well, I'm thinking about having a yard kid. I'll build him a treehouse or something, leave food at the back door, and get him one of those large water coolers run from an extension cord out of the garage. No way that little bastard gets in the house.
 
2012-12-08 02:51:36 PM  

dickfreckle: whistleridge: 2. Don't let kids in the house

You know how some folks have outside dogs? Well, I'm thinking about having a yard kid. I'll build him a treehouse or something, leave food at the back door, and get him one of those large water coolers run from an extension cord out of the garage. No way that little bastard gets in the house.


This this and this
 
2012-12-08 02:55:34 PM  

dickfreckle: whistleridge: 2. Don't let kids in the house

You know how some folks have outside dogs? Well, I'm thinking about having a yard kid. I'll build him a treehouse or something, leave food at the back door, and get him one of those large water coolers run from an extension cord out of the garage. No way that little bastard gets in the house.


Easier: take him over to the Home Depot each morning and drop him off with the other day laborers. Tell him there's a cot in the garage once he earns enough for his food and a cab ride home. Once he established a routine, start charging $100/week rent. Pretty soon, the little shiat will be totally self-supporting, AND you'll have more sexytime with the wife.

/ that, or just don't have the little farkers in the first place. it's not like we're not already massively overpopulated anyways
 
2012-12-08 02:56:50 PM  
images.orgill.com 

instant privacy
 
2012-12-08 02:57:51 PM  

megarian: rubi_con_man: megarian: I'm tired of doing all the work. Le sexy time would be vastly improved if I wasn't the only one putting in effort.

Kids + sex = too much work.

I think I need to get a pool boy. Might be suspicious... I don't have a pool.

If you're the girl and you are doing all the work that means that you are too bossy in bed.

Trust me : If you told you man to "take you any way you (he) sees fit" he could manage it.

Your preconceived notions of what married sex should be like is what killed your married sex.

I would love to agree, but he's really lazy.

I am not picky. Or bossy. Maybe I should be bossy an just order him around ;)


(clicks profile)

He's lazy?! Life is so goddamned unfair.
 
2012-12-08 03:00:25 PM  
So about this "great sex" again... Could someone please enlighten me as to the how and the wherefore, etc.?? pics, video and other suggestions would be appreciated. please type slowly as it is hard to write with only one hand. Please be as specific as possible....
 
2012-12-08 03:04:17 PM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: megarian: rubi_con_man: megarian: I'm tired of doing all the work. Le sexy time would be vastly improved if I wasn't the only one putting in effort.

Kids + sex = too much work.

I think I need to get a pool boy. Might be suspicious... I don't have a pool.

If you're the girl and you are doing all the work that means that you are too bossy in bed.

Trust me : If you told you man to "take you any way you (he) sees fit" he could manage it.

Your preconceived notions of what married sex should be like is what killed your married sex.

I would love to agree, but he's really lazy.

I am not picky. Or bossy. Maybe I should be bossy an just order him around ;)

(clicks profile)

He's lazy?! Life is so goddamned unfair.


I'm going to start slipping meth in his coffee.

Kidding.

Kidding?
 
2012-12-08 03:06:57 PM  

skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!


Had that happy time with our first kid too. It contributed to my go ahead for number two. Sadly, that lightning didn't strike twice and insomnia put a big damper on the fun (1 1/2 times in 40 weeks). But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.
 
2012-12-08 03:07:26 PM  

eltejon: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

Had that happy time with our first kid too. It contributed to my go ahead for number two. Sadly, that lightning didn't strike twice and insomnia put a big damper on the fun (1 1/2 times in 40 weeks). But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.


That was way more than any of us needed to know.
 
2012-12-08 03:07:32 PM  

dickfreckle: whistleridge: 2. Don't let kids in the house

You know how some folks have outside dogs? Well, I'm thinking about having a yard kid. I'll build him a treehouse or something, leave food at the back door, and get him one of those large water coolers run from an extension cord out of the garage. No way that little bastard gets in the house.


i have 3 boys so it is like having outdoor animals.

/then again I am a single dad so the issue of sex is moot
 
2012-12-08 03:08:04 PM  

eltejon: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

Had that happy time with our first kid too. It contributed to my go ahead for number two. Sadly, that lightning didn't strike twice and insomnia put a big damper on the fun (1 1/2 times in 40 weeks). But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.


Jesus, TMI, man, TMI.
 
2012-12-08 03:09:45 PM  
I'm married and have kids and I use Vaseline for sex purposes.

I put it on the doorknob so the kids can't come in.

/stolen
 
2012-12-08 03:10:32 PM  

eltejon: But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.


sweet jumping bean jesus, is this like the adult baby fetish with the diapers and everything?
 
2012-12-08 03:16:50 PM  
All of those reasons sounds like female excuses, not male.
 
2012-12-08 03:19:05 PM  
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2012-12-08 03:28:18 PM  

ManRay: All of those reasons sounds like female excuses, not male.


Probably because they are:

Laurie Watson is a certified sex therapist and author of Wanting Sex Again - How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage.

Somehow I get the feeling that all of her 'material' is geared towards women.
 
2012-12-08 03:32:49 PM  

rubi_con_man: Trust me : If you told you man to "take you any way you (he) sees fit" he could manage it.


Disagree. Bad sex is bad sex regardless of how much I play along with what he wants to do
 
2012-12-08 03:33:22 PM  
Here's my CSB to go with the thread.

When I was in my late 20s, my first marriage wasn't going well, and I was pretty depressed in part because it had been months since we'd had sex. During that time, I was visiting my parents, who were in their late 60s. I noticed that my mom kept getting up to go to the bathroom, so I asked my dad about it. He said she'd gotten a yeast infection. I mentioned that my wife had gotten those and they were pretty easy to deal with. I explained that there's a cream that she should use and they just have to abstain from sex for a couple weeks, and it should clear up quickly.

My dad's face literally went ashen. He said "TWO WEEKS? Are you KIDDING me? Isn't there some other way?" and on and on he went. He could hardly imagine it. I honestly didn't know what to say.

I managed not to commit suicide that night.
 
2012-12-08 03:33:40 PM  

Spaz-master: [sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net image 720x537]


1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-08 03:38:20 PM  

picturescrazy: No kids but my wife hasn't had a period in 74 days now. Still fails pregnancy tests. I think maybe it's time for a blood test.


Maybe examine diet and exercise - especially if she's not getting enough fat in her diet. Need that to make hormones. Need hormones to form babby.
 
2012-12-08 03:43:08 PM  

skullkrusher: Little Life Ruiners


That's how I see children. Hoping to never have to put up with them, since I'm sure if I had to I'd just resent them and kids are smart enough to pick up on that sort of attitude.
 
2012-12-08 03:45:59 PM  
1. Acquire bed with massive headboard
2. Loosen screws at headboard junction
3. Pull bed 3in away from wall
4. Tell the children the banging is a monster under the bed
5. Profit
 
2012-12-08 03:53:56 PM  

rubi_con_man: Get divorced;

as far as I can tell, the happiest 'parents' I can see are those who get to dump their kids on their Ex and go on a farky-farky vacation with their BF or GF


When Mrs. Smurf and I don't have the kids with it us it's party time. What you say is true, when the kids are away the parents will play. Oh yes, play and play rough. She likes it rough. And dirty . I'm saying too much but she's watching me type this and she likes it. We're farked up people and we know it.
 
2012-12-08 03:57:14 PM  

JohnnyC: ManRay: All of those reasons sounds like female excuses, not male.

Probably because they are:

Laurie Watson is a certified sex therapist and author of Wanting Sex Again - How to Rediscover Desire and Heal a Sexless Marriage.

Somehow I get the feeling that all of her 'material' is geared towards women.


She sounds fat.

/oblig.
 
2012-12-08 04:04:25 PM  
Meh,our kid is a year and a half and the sex life between the wife and me has been steadily improving since before we even got married. just make your partner and sex a priority and it comes naturally (snicker). honestly, best and most frequent sex of our lives right now.
 
2012-12-08 04:13:01 PM  
www.milfotos.org
 
2012-12-08 04:15:26 PM  

Gig103: skullkrusher: Little Life Ruiners

That's how I see children. Hoping to never have to put up with them, since I'm sure if I had to I'd just resent them and kids are smart enough to pick up on that sort of attitude.


I hope that either a) you never have kids or b) they can say later "I never knew my real dad but I hear he was kind of a selfish ass. Thank god mom left him and married Jim, he's awesome and loves us"
 
2012-12-08 04:51:17 PM  
As someone who had 2 hours worth of fantastic sex this morning..id be getting a kick out of these replies, except that im too mellow to give a fark :)

/has kids
//priorities: marriage first...kids are 2nd.
///stop being helicopter parents
 
2012-12-08 04:53:15 PM  

pxlboy: eltejon: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

Had that happy time with our first kid too. It contributed to my go ahead for number two. Sadly, that lightning didn't strike twice and insomnia put a big damper on the fun (1 1/2 times in 40 weeks). But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.

That was way more than any of us needed to know.


I lol'd.

Nothing like an eye-full of breastmilk right as you are about to finish to kinda disrupt the moment lol
 
2012-12-08 04:54:40 PM  
just hopin for sex pictures.

i'll move on.........disappoint
 
2012-12-08 05:36:24 PM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Gig103: skullkrusher: Little Life Ruiners

That's how I see children. Hoping to never have to put up with them, since I'm sure if I had to I'd just resent them and kids are smart enough to pick up on that sort of attitude.

I hope that either a) you never have kids or b) they can say later "I never knew my real dad but I hear he was kind of a selfish ass. Thank god mom left him and married Jim, he's awesome and loves us"


Oh so knowing that you would be a bad parent and therefore deciding not to become one is a dick move? I don't like kids and I don't want to put up with one, so I don't have any.
 
2012-12-08 05:40:20 PM  

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Oh so knowing that you would be a bad parent and therefore deciding not to become one is a dick move? I don't like kids and I don't want to put up with one, so I don't have any.


More like dick ninjutsu.
 
2012-12-08 05:40:58 PM  
Married 20 years, three kids. We make sexy time a priority. It takes the edge off life for us; puts things in perspective, relaxes us. And it just seems to get better every time, if that's possible.

1) We put the kids to bed an hour before we're totally exhausted. They know that unless they're bleeding, vomiting, or smelling smoke, that they must not get out of bed under penalty of death.
2) We don't do anything in bed besides talk, sex, and sleep. No food, no TV, no arguing, no "housekeeping" talk.
3) We only have sex when we both want to have sex.
4) We go to bed having no expectations, just relaxing and having fun.
5) We don't try to have sex when one of us is ill or really stressed or exhausted.
6) We've never had sex with anyone else, so we have no one else to compare us to.
7) We take our time and, on those occasional instances when it's just not happening, we smile and call it a night.
8) I try very hard to pleasure her first, at least once, before allowing myself to, um, make a deposit.
9) We never go do bed mad; if we've had an argument we stay up as late as we need to.
10) We have a series of variations we normally do, like, I guess, most people do, but we very rarely just do it missionary and get it over with. I guess we're sorta snobs or connoisseurs about it.

I gotta say, I'm shocked at how good it is. I may be lucky; my wife has always wanted sex, sometimes even more than I have. Right now, we're at it about three times a week. That's an average; some weeks are more or less. Funny thing is, or maybe it's not funny, maybe it totally makes sense, I spent my entire teenage life alone, bored, and horny, and figured it would always be so. But now I'm 43 and get more sex than I figured I ever would at 16.
 
2012-12-08 06:04:38 PM  

Zarquon's Flat Tire: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Gig103: skullkrusher: Little Life Ruiners

That's how I see children. Hoping to never have to put up with them, since I'm sure if I had to I'd just resent them and kids are smart enough to pick up on that sort of attitude.

I hope that either a) you never have kids or b) they can say later "I never knew my real dad but I hear he was kind of a selfish ass. Thank god mom left him and married Jim, he's awesome and loves us"

Oh so knowing that you would be a bad parent and therefore deciding not to become one is a dick move? I don't like kids and I don't want to put up with one, so I don't have any.


Not sure how you read that but no, I don't think that.
 
2012-12-08 06:36:59 PM  

skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!


We were so looking forward to the "sex is super awesome when you're pregnant" time. We should have known. We already had great sex, but he had been convinced if I went off the hormones, we'd have even better, more frequent sex. And he was right... no birth control hormones = massive amounts of really good sex. Birth control pills reduce my sex drive. What do pills mimic? PREGNANCY. Pregnancy killed my sex drive. And worse, it killed his. Now all we can do is hope once the baby get here I stop emitting the "I'm pregnant" pheromones and recover from the pregnancy hormones and things return to how they were. :(
 
2012-12-08 06:43:37 PM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Gig103: skullkrusher: Little Life Ruiners

That's how I see children. Hoping to never have to put up with them, since I'm sure if I had to I'd just resent them and kids are smart enough to pick up on that sort of attitude.

I hope that either a) you never have kids or b) they can say later "I never knew my real dad but I hear he was kind of a selfish ass. Thank god mom left him and married Jim, he's awesome and loves us"


(a) sounds good to me.
 
2012-12-08 07:18:23 PM  
My wife and I are having sex with kids in the house right now!

/wait... that didn't come out right...
 
2012-12-08 07:19:55 PM  

HeadbangerSmurf: My wife and I have been having great sex since we first met. It's all about drugging your kids, I mean, putting them to bed early...


static.guim.co.uk 
Say what?
 
2012-12-08 08:08:21 PM  
Hmmm, middle aged, check. Work too much. check. Tired all the freakin' time. check, check. Not enough money for certain things, check again.
Kid at home, yup who once walked in on us during. *shudder* Now we have a lock on the door, times are designated and a knock only policy for the kid. He's 13 so we're at that stage, le sigh not really sheltering but not wanting to horrify either, lol. But we still can bang the shutters off the house a few times a week without interruption :)
 
2012-12-08 08:16:46 PM  

eltejon: skullkrusher: willicus: My wife is 35 weeks pregnant with our first, so I'm looking forward to our sex lives going back to normal in a few weeks.

/What? Why is everybody laughing?

my wife's sex drive went into overtime when she was preggo. Now, not so much. Little Life Ruiners

/congrats and good luck!

Had that happy time with our first kid too. It contributed to my go ahead for number two. Sadly, that lightning didn't strike twice and insomnia put a big damper on the fun (1 1/2 times in 40 weeks). But with both kids, she has been very ok and willing to let me fulfill my lactation fetish.


How did she get you to lactate?
 
2012-12-08 08:50:51 PM  
Sorry, Subtard, article is pretty spot-on. Prioritize sex over other things (e.g. planning birthday parties your kids won't even remember), prioritize your spouse's needs over your kids' whiny wants or social pressures. Sorry you're in an unhealthy marriage and/or obsessive relationship with your non-dominant hand instead of with a mature adult woman but those of us who have both kids and successful marriages are perfectly happy taking the attitudes the article suggests.

/if you make lots of noise while your newborn sleeps, she will sleep through crazy screaming orgasms later in life just fine

//"lots of noise" includes crazy screaming orgasms
 
2012-12-08 09:08:04 PM  

picturescrazy: No kids but my wife hasn't had a period in 74 days now. Still fails pregnancy tests. I think maybe it's time for a blood test.


Lots of tests. Sounds like PCOS, which causes very irregular periods and is the #1 cause of infertility for women. Have it myself; I hadn't had a period in six months when I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant with my first child. It's not a no-kids-ever sentence, but you may need some help. Or not. No real way to tell without getting tested.

/had babby 3 weeks ago; still in the no nookie stage :(
//5th kid, so obviously it's possible to have sex and kids
///if it wasn't good, I wouldn't have it
 
2012-12-08 09:18:04 PM  
You know, I have 3 kids and am happily married. Having sex 2-3 times a day with wifey right now. Just last night we went at it from 1am to 2am. Yeah sure we had our "dry" spells going almost a month at times but no complaints here. Our secret is that we really love each other.
 
2012-12-08 10:02:22 PM  

bigstoopidbruce: Married 20 years, three kids. We make sexy time a priority. It takes the edge off life for us; puts things in perspective, relaxes us. And it just seems to get better every time, if that's possible.

1) We put the kids to bed an hour before we're totally exhausted. They know that unless they're bleeding, vomiting, or smelling smoke, that they must not get out of bed under penalty of death.
2) We don't do anything in bed besides talk, sex, and sleep. No food, no TV, no arguing, no "housekeeping" talk.
3) We only have sex when we both want to have sex.
4) We go to bed having no expectations, just relaxing and having fun.
5) We don't try to have sex when one of us is ill or really stressed or exhausted.
6) We've never had sex with anyone else, so we have no one else to compare us to.
7) We take our time and, on those occasional instances when it's just not happening, we smile and call it a night.
8) I try very hard to pleasure her first, at least once, before allowing myself to, um, make a deposit.
9) We never go do bed mad; if we've had an argument we stay up as late as we need to.
10) We have a series of variations we normally do, like, I guess, most people do, but we very rarely just do it missionary and get it over with. I guess we're sorta snobs or connoisseurs about it.

I gotta say, I'm shocked at how good it is. I may be lucky; my wife has always wanted sex, sometimes even more than I have. Right now, we're at it about three times a week. That's an average; some weeks are more or less. Funny thing is, or maybe it's not funny, maybe it totally makes sense, I spent my entire teenage life alone, bored, and horny, and figured it would always be so. But now I'm 43 and get more sex than I figured I ever would at 16.


This is all worth re-reading. It isn't easy but it isn't rocket science, so remember that team Parents must be in charge, that kids should go to bed on a schedule and EARLY every night. A lot of good things in marriage spring from the kids being on a schedule so that all this other good stuff is doable.
 
2012-12-08 10:03:07 PM  
shiat she just told me to get the sheepskin and the ottoman. Come on kids, bedtime!
 
2012-12-08 10:08:21 PM  

bigstoopidbruce: Married 20 years, three kids. We make sexy time a priority. It takes the edge off life for us; puts things in perspective, relaxes us. And it just seems to get better every time, if that's possible.

1) We put the kids to bed an hour before we're totally exhausted. They know that unless they're bleeding, vomiting, or smelling smoke, that they must not get out of bed under penalty of death.
2) We don't do anything in bed besides talk, sex, and sleep. No food, no TV, no arguing, no "housekeeping" talk.
3) We only have sex when we both want to have sex.
4) We go to bed having no expectations, just relaxing and having fun.
5) We don't try to have sex when one of us is ill or really stressed or exhausted.
6) We've never had sex with anyone else, so we have no one else to compare us to.
7) We take our time and, on those occasional instances when it's just not happening, we smile and call it a night.
8) I try very hard to pleasure her first, at least once, before allowing myself to, um, make a deposit.
9) We never go do bed mad; if we've had an argument we stay up as late as we need to.
10) We have a series of variations we normally do, like, I guess, most people do, but we very rarely just do it missionary and get it over with. I guess we're sorta snobs or connoisseurs about it.

I gotta say, I'm shocked at how good it is. I may be lucky; my wife has always wanted sex, sometimes even more than I have. Right now, we're at it about three times a week. That's an average; some weeks are more or less. Funny thing is, or maybe it's not funny, maybe it totally makes sense, I spent my entire teenage life alone, bored, and horny, and figured it would always be so. But now I'm 43 and get more sex than I figured I ever would at 16.


Sounds like you're doing things right.
 
2012-12-09 12:17:55 AM  
I've explained to my fiancee, I am a woman of... passion. I have needs that I want met at least daily. One of the challenges we know we'll face is when we start to have kids, because my requirement will not change. Sex daily. The way I see it, the more you try to get to it, the more likely the odds you actually do get to do it. Vs... well maybe if we try for next tuesday... and then have something come up. Kids are outside playing? dinner is in the oven? sexy time! I also intend to do what my parents did. 8pm bedtime for kids. You don't have to be asleep but you have to be in your bed sleeping or reading and you may not leave your bed except to potty, or go get YOURSELF a glass of water. My sister and I never saw our parents after 9pm most days. it wasn't until we were older we figured out what they were doing. now we just bring it up at family dinners and giggle about it and watch my mom blush.
 
2012-12-09 02:56:13 AM  

Old Smokie: The world would be a lot better place if people with kids didn't have sex.


Or if people with sex didn't have kids.
/Kidding.
// Seriously, though, if your kids are going to come second or third in the hierarchy of concern, just save yourself the hassle and don't have kids- that way you can concentrate on what you care about most.
 
2012-12-09 03:04:53 AM  

Coastalgrl: KrispyKritter: no kids, sex free for so long can't remember what it feels like.

/shoot me. just, please, shoot me now

Your lady sounds like the woman I strive never to become.

Ladies: withholding sex from your man (partner) is a negative feedback loop. It only makes him/her upset and makes you biatchier and harder to deal with.


Nicely put considering a 76% Dumb Dork Awkward score; the feedback loop analogy, however, itself fully justifies the 90%+ Tech score. Well done.
 
2012-12-09 08:41:39 AM  
Or you can have a nearly sexless marriage and both sides can be okay with it. And before y'all start saying your husband is lying, he's not...

We're lazy and absolutely terrified of having another child. He's exhausted from his schedule, I'm exhausted from mine and neither one of us really misses it. We're still affectionate, lots of backrubs and low-energy things, but not much sex. We're going to be living apart for 2 years (yay Navy), and my son will be nearly 4 when we're together again and I'll hopefully be working instead of stay at home (also known as bored out of my mind), so maybe things will get a little better at that point. And maybe, since I'll be back near family again, I can finally get grandma to help for a week so I can get an IUD put in without having to listen to my toddler scream and tear the house apart because I can't take him out for 3+ hours a day.
 
2012-12-09 11:14:56 AM  

WhippingBoy: What is this "sex" you speak of?
I asked my wife, and she didn't know.


Sounds like you've been married as long as we have.
 
2012-12-09 11:48:12 PM  

specialkae: Hmmm, middle aged, check. Work too much. check. Tired all the freakin' time. check, check. Not enough money for certain things, check again.
Kid at home, yup who once walked in on us during. *shudder* Now we have a lock on the door, times are designated and a knock only policy for the kid. He's 13 so we're at that stage, le sigh not really sheltering but not wanting to horrify either, lol. But we still can bang the shutters off the house a few times a week without interruption :)


Same boat here, 5 for 5 (*shudder* indeed), PLUS working opposite shifts, and living in an old house with absolutely zero soundproofing. Kids have always been circumspect about the bedroom noise etc., even when a few of our neighbors have been rude enough to complain. (What's their problem?) But lately, with teen years rolling in and very apparent puberty, it's beginning to feel like a very long in-laws visit (hubby is all "tryin' to squeak the bed less" and "shh!"). JFC!!! I want our privacy back!
 
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