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(Westword)   Death by empanada maker? Not even the weirdest food death of 2012   (blogs.westword.com) divider line 62
    More: Strange, stay-at-home mother, Nutrition disorder, Raymond Segura Jr.  
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9686 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Dec 2012 at 2:12 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-07 11:19:11 AM
wtf.
people killing others to cook them and sell them? this isn't sweeney todd, people, it's reality!!
 
2012-12-07 11:51:47 AM
img94.imageshack.us
/ Bluth family wanted for questioning again?
 
2012-12-07 12:09:32 PM
Wow. Already a cornballer joke? Awesome.

Long live Fark.
 
2012-12-07 12:16:43 PM
www.frugal-cafe.com
 
2012-12-07 01:24:01 PM
I cannot imagine how painful it would be to die by steam pressure cooker
 
2012-12-07 01:25:28 PM
I thought that jumbo green chile burrito was going to kill me at first

/then I got worried it might kill someone else
 
2012-12-07 02:14:43 PM
leerader.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-12-07 02:15:22 PM
Great, now I want an empanada.
 
2012-12-07 02:16:54 PM
Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?
 
2012-12-07 02:21:46 PM

Arkanaut: Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?



Read article, then post.
 
2012-12-07 02:23:44 PM

Arkanaut


Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?


I was wondering if "empanada maker" was anything like a "pickle slicer".
 
2012-12-07 02:26:09 PM
Empanada filling and fertilizer. These people didn't waste anything.
 
2012-12-07 02:28:40 PM
Rescue workers -- including four prison inmates
How? That's nice but, how?

mother of eight children
two-gallon a day Coca-Cola habit

Let me guess, 8 in 8 years? Not 8 in 16?

2. Death by tuna.
Scomboid scomboid scomboid
his job was to put sealed cans of tuna into a pressure cooker to sterilize it; it's not known how he wound up inside the oven.
Not scomboid, sounds like he sleeps with the fishes. He SLEEPS with the FISHES.
 
2012-12-07 02:28:43 PM
2 gallons of Coke per day? 7.5 liters? Holy crap, I'd die too.
 
2012-12-07 02:28:43 PM
Came here for the Cornballer. Leaving satisfied.
 
2012-12-07 02:29:23 PM
"In other news, a Bumble Bee spokesman announced that a few of its lucky customers would find a sample of their exciting new product line in special cans hitting the shelves in the near soon"
 
2012-12-07 02:32:02 PM

crabsno termites: "In other news, a Bumble Bee spokesman announced that a few of its lucky customers would find a sample of their exciting new product line in special cans hitting the shelves in the near soon"


But near isn't soon enough.
 
2012-12-07 02:33:04 PM
". . .in the near soon?

/must have more Coke now.
 
2012-12-07 02:34:11 PM
Does it really count if you weren't killed by food, but rather killed and made into food?
 
2012-12-07 02:36:03 PM
blog.sundancenow.com
 
2012-12-07 02:38:16 PM

nirwana: Arkanaut: Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?


Read article, then post.


No.
 
2012-12-07 02:38:33 PM
Damnit..left out the *BONK*.
 
2012-12-07 02:42:05 PM
Death By Stew Stew???
 
2012-12-07 02:45:58 PM
1. Death by empanada.

Brazilians Jorge Beltrao Negromonte, 50, his wife Isabel Pires, 51, and his mistress Bruna da Silva, 25 reportedly lured two women with offers of employment into their home, then killed them to make empanada filling. The pastries were apparently then sold on the street. The fiendish crime was discovered after one of the women was arrested with a victim's credit card, and what was left of the bodies of the two murdered women was found buried in the garden of the home.

It was reported that angry neighbors -- upset empanada consumers? -- burned the house to the ground.


Years ago when my brother was in India
A small town baker got a bright idea
He cut his flour with pesticide
and sent a bunch of neighbours on their longest journey
He was just being cheap -trying to make a profit
Didn't even have shareholders to answer to

But it's worth remembering, as we sell off the forest
gene-splice the world's food into an instrument of control
maim and destroy as acts of theatre,
what came next -
That when the survivors looked around
and understood what had been done
they butchered
that baker
 
2012-12-07 02:47:12 PM

Englebert Slaptyback: Great, now I want an empanada.


im making some tonight!!
 
2012-12-07 02:47:56 PM
Brazilians Jorge Beltrao Negromonte, 50, his wife Isabel Pires, 51, and his mistress Bruna da Silva, 25 reportedly lured two women with offers of employment into their home, then killed them to make empanada filling.

Demônio barbeiro de Fleet Street
 
2012-12-07 02:49:42 PM
Surely I am not the only one on Fark to have seen this terrible movie.

www.movieposterdb.com

/don't bother if you haven't, it's pants.
 
2012-12-07 02:50:56 PM
Pretty ballsy to post your picks for weirdest fooddeaths of the year before Christmas. You stand to lose a lot of credibility if someone gets tricky with the eggnog.
 
2012-12-07 02:50:59 PM

Gordon Bennett: Surely I am not the only one on Fark to have seen this terrible movie.

[www.movieposterdb.com image 200x284]

/don't bother if you haven't, it's pants.


didnt come up dude.
 
2012-12-07 02:50:59 PM

cgraves67: Does it really count if you weren't killed by food, but rather killed and made into food?


No, it doesn't.
 
2012-12-07 02:51:05 PM

Fark Rye For Many Whores: Rescue workers -- including four prison inmates
How? That's nice but, how?


Prisoners are frequently used as slave labor, because capitalism.
 
2012-12-07 02:51:15 PM

talulahgosh: wtf.
people killing others to cook them and sell them? this isn't sweeney todd, people, it's realityJorge Todd!!


FTFY.

Even funnier because the apparent Sweeney Todd wannabe was in fact named Jorge, and "Todd" is still a last name that would not be entirely out of place in areas of the world just south of Brazil (which is where the apparent Brazilian Sweeney Todd lived--moar on the apparent empanadas de hombres here--apparently not only were long-pig empanadas involved but some good old fashioned headhunting that was half Jack the Ripper and half Charles Manson (and all inspired by a metric butt-ton of untreated mental illness)).

/the big difficulty was actually finding an English-language source on the story that was NOT in a Rupert Murdoch-published rag
 
2012-12-07 02:52:57 PM

ChipNASA: Death By Stew Stew???


www.shambuzzle.com
 
2012-12-07 02:53:51 PM

Freakin Rican


Englebert Slaptyback: Great, now I want an empanada.

im making some tonight!!


Please make and enjoy one on my behalf. :-)
 
2012-12-07 02:54:33 PM
>empanadas 

i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-07 02:54:41 PM

Englebert Slaptyback: Arkanaut

Why, was he screwing the empanada maker's wife?


I was wondering if "empanada maker" was anything like a "pickle slicer".


i46.tinypic.com
 
2012-12-07 02:55:22 PM
Headline: Death by empanada maker. Expectation: Machine kills user. Article: Guy making empanadas kills people and uses their flesh as filling.

Fark you subby!
 
2012-12-07 02:58:13 PM
Everyone who owns an empanada maker dies via the empanada maker. Sometimes it just takes a lot longer.
 
2012-12-07 03:01:58 PM
[Friday is about to eat a chili dog]
Pep Streebeck: You know the kinds of things that can fall into an industrial sausage press? Not excluding rodent hairs and... bug excrement?
[Friday gives a disgusted look]
Joe Friday: I hate you, Streebeck.

/the virgin Connie Swail
 
2012-12-07 03:03:42 PM
I wonder how people empanadas compare to cat empanadas
 
2012-12-07 03:04:37 PM
Death by empanada maker?

Well, I guess their lives (puts on sunglasses)...had an unfortunate turnover.

YEAHHHH!
 
2012-12-07 03:21:12 PM
Those that live by with the empanadas maker, dies by the empanadas maker.
 
2012-12-07 03:23:58 PM
Bob MacKenzie: [to Pam in a beer tank that's being flooded with beer] My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven. This sucks!
 
2012-12-07 03:33:29 PM
Meat's meat, and a man's got to eat.
 
2012-12-07 03:35:07 PM
At an inquest, a local pathologist testified that Harris's reported two-gallon a day Coca-Cola habit may have contributed to her death. 

fuerdiekatz.com
 
2012-12-07 03:37:50 PM
So, in "Weirdest Food Deaths of 2012," where headline says "death by empanada" is NOT even the weirdest, go ahead a guess which death was listed at #1.
 
2012-12-07 03:45:50 PM
It says the Coke drinker had 8 kids by age 30. If she couldn't afford condoms, she probably couldn't afford meth, either.
 
2012-12-07 03:54:29 PM
I did not know there was even such a thing as an empanada maker. Dude, quit being lazy and make yer own damn empanadas.

/guess he can't quit being lazy now that he's a gonner, can he?
 
2012-12-07 03:54:39 PM
They missed the one where the restaurant owner cooked his wife.
 
2012-12-07 04:05:14 PM

darkone: They missed the one where the restaurant owner cooked his wife.


I heard about that one. Scary stuff, dude. Weird as well.

/worst thing she's ever cooked was Thai Chicken soup, not a person, cuz that's just wrong
 
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