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(Fark) HOTY Fark's 2012 Headline of the Year contest, Round 1: December through February   (fark.com) divider line 92
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4073 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Dec 2012 at 4:15 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-06 03:13:25 PM
Hello and welcome to the first greenlit voting thread for Fark's Headline of the Year contest for 2012. We've collected the best headlines from each month and let the Totalfarkers vote on their favorites. These are the 10 top-voted headlines from December 2011 and January and February from this year as voted.
 
Now it's up to you: vote on your favorites, and the top five from this contest will make it to the final round later. There will also be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs later: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business. The week after that we will have the voting threads for pun/wordplay headlines and the context headline of the year. 
 
There are also some that you might not see here because either: 1) they've been moved to a separate contest, such as a context headline or one that's on a subtab, or 2) they didn't make it out of the voting threads in Totalfark. I'll link the redlit TF voting threads later on in this thread. Please don't enable voting; the finalists for this period are set. Nothing wrong with sharing a favorite headline from this period, as long as you don't enable voting for it.
 
So enjoy these and submit your vote for which of these is worthy of being the Headline of the Year.
 
2012-12-06 03:17:42 PM
22-foot-long carving valued at $1,000,000 has been recovered, which comes as a huge relief

http://www.fark.com/comments/6953447
 
2012-12-06 03:18:50 PM
5'4" 252 pound pole dancer says she's proud of her ability. I don't know about her, but whoever installed that pole should be

http://www.fark.com/comments/6793467
 
2012-12-06 03:19:53 PM
Being crazy won't keep Texas from executing you. But to be fair, it won't stop Texas from electing you governor, either

http://www.fark.com/comments/6810918
 
2012-12-06 03:20:19 PM
Carpenter shoots himself in neck with nail gun. Way to go, stud

http://www.fark.com/comments/6824226
 
2012-12-06 03:20:40 PM
Couple who used a Facebook poll to decide the name of their child gives birth to a girl. So welcome to Penisface Bieber Meske

http://www.fark.com/comments/6915766
 
2012-12-06 03:21:08 PM
Doctors perform quadruple limb transplant in Turkey. Now everyone gets a drumstick

http://www.fark.com/comments/6964420
 
2012-12-06 03:21:42 PM
Dog fights venomous snake to save two little girls, now recovering at animal hospital. Meanwhile, your cat just threw up in your shoes again because it's Thursday

http://www.fark.com/comments/6884184
 
2012-12-06 03:22:10 PM
FDA trying to stop do-it-yourself sperm donor in California. Suspects narrowed down to every teenage boy in the state

http://www.fark.com/comments/6820947
 
2012-12-06 03:22:33 PM
Florida man ran into his ex-girlfriend yesterday. Then he backed up and ran into her again. He misses her sometimes

http://www.fark.com/comments/6939535
 
2012-12-06 03:22:57 PM
Government report says Japan's population will shrink by one third by 2060, which is shocking considering how short they already are now

http://www.fark.com/comments/6912319
 
2012-12-06 03:23:45 PM
Gun accident in Florida church leaves pastor's daughter holier than thou

http://www.fark.com/comments/6938402
 
2012-12-06 03:24:07 PM
Kim Jong Un Dead. I repeat - Un Dead

http://www.fark.com/comments/6934737
 
2012-12-06 03:24:29 PM
Law school students provided puppies for exam study break, allowed to cuddle, play and bond, then required to kill them with their bare hands and eat them

http://www.fark.com/comments/6781468
 
2012-12-06 03:24:57 PM
Man arrested for selling Canadian military secrets. I'm not sure either. Locations of all Tim Hortons? How to de-ice a caribou?

http://www.fark.com/comments/6881685
 
2012-12-06 03:25:14 PM
Man arrested on 144 counts of child porn. Gross

http://www.fark.com/comments/6948010
 
2012-12-06 03:25:41 PM
Missing algebra teacher found dead -- investigators looking to solve for why, query ex

http://www.fark.com/comments/6878047
 
2012-12-06 03:26:11 PM
Mother of autistic son facing criminal charges because he's tardy. Well that just seems insensitive

http://www.fark.com/comments/6861030
 
2012-12-06 03:26:32 PM
Obama proposes all states require students to stay in school until they are 18. Alabama immediately objects, fears overcrowding of 5th and 6th grades

http://www.fark.com/comments/6905618
 
2012-12-06 03:28:07 PM
Police: Man Drove Into Flock of Seagulls. Bystander: I ran

http://www.fark.com/comments/6869304
 
2012-12-06 03:28:26 PM
Printer ink tanker truck overturns. Damages estimated at seven hundred trillion dollars

http://www.fark.com/comments/6950784
 
2012-12-06 03:28:47 PM
Q: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A: The pickpocket snatches your watch

http://www.fark.com/comments/6842566
 
2012-12-06 03:30:36 PM
School bus hit by flying car, no one inju--FLYING CARS ARE HERE

http://www.fark.com/comments/6847410
 
2012-12-06 03:30:59 PM
Should nuns take birth control pills? Probably, considering their boss has a history of impregnating women without touching them

http://www.fark.com/comments/6797694
 
2012-12-06 03:31:19 PM
Tornadoes touchdown in Indiana, Kentucky, and Mississippi. Indianapolis spared as there hasn't been a touchdown there in months

http://www.fark.com/comments/6885115
 
2012-12-06 03:31:59 PM
Truck crash kills over 200 sheep, according to drowsy workers

http://www.fark.com/comments/6878988
 
2012-12-06 03:32:20 PM
Turtle escapes NYC wildlife center, beats Giants secondary for a 39-yard gain

http://www.fark.com/comments/6788545
 
2012-12-06 03:32:52 PM
Ukrainian Protestors Go Topless to Protest Who Cares

http://www.fark.com/comments/6782274
 
2012-12-06 03:33:14 PM
Woman dies on her 110th birthday. Perhaps the surprise party was a bad idea

http://www.fark.com/comments/6920226
 
2012-12-06 03:33:37 PM
Woman says her fake penis got her fired from her job.... big deal lady, my real one has gotten me fired from at least a dozen

http://www.fark.com/comments/6877044
 
2012-12-06 03:34:04 PM
Zoo keeper enters pen to feed the lions, succeeds

http://www.fark.com/comments/6941508
 
2012-12-06 03:38:53 PM
Previous redlit voting threads:
 
December:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7444133
 
January:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7444462
 
February:  http://www.fark.com/comments/7452710
 
2012-12-06 03:39:56 PM

Headline of the Year candidate: Mother of autistic son facing criminal charges because he's tardy. Well that just seems insensitive

http://www.fark.com/comments/6861030


OK, everything pretty much sucked but this was hilarious.
 
2012-12-06 03:45:20 PM
Voted. Loved the "holier than thou" one above all others, though I laughed at several. Good jorb
 
2012-12-06 03:47:02 PM

Headline of the Year candidate: 22-foot-long carving valued at $1,000,000 has been recovered, which comes as a huge relief

http://www.fark.com/comments/6953447


I must be dense because I'm not getting this one. I know there's a pun in there somewhere.
 
2012-12-06 03:48:18 PM

skwerl: I must be dense because I'm not getting this one. I know there's a pun in there somewhere.


Bas
 
2012-12-06 03:49:35 PM
I note that they've made a HOTY tag for this.
 
2012-12-06 03:52:29 PM

Headline of the Year candidate: Carpenter shoots himself in neck with nail gun. Way to go, stud

http://www.fark.com/comments/6824226


Headline of the Year candidate: Gun accident in Florida church leaves pastor's daughter holier than thou

http://www.fark.com/comments/6938402


This two made me guffaw
 
2012-12-06 03:55:03 PM

skwerl: Headline of the Year candidate: 22-foot-long carving valued at $1,000,000 has been recovered, which comes as a huge relief

http://www.fark.com/comments/6953447

I must be dense because I'm not getting this one. I know there's a pun in there somewhere.


Link Took me a second, too, the first time I read it.

My bet for this bunch is on the Zookeeper headline.
 
2012-12-06 03:55:59 PM

Gosling: I note that they've made a HOTY tag for this.


Yeah, I wanted single-voting for this contest (rather than smart/funny), but all of the other single-vote contest threads go to  http://total.fark.com/contests/ and I couldn't make them go to TFD for the Totalfarkers to vote on. The quickest way to remedy it without rewriting back-end code was to create this tag which was a contest but could go to TFD.
 
2012-12-06 03:58:18 PM
There were a few headlines that I thought deserved to be in this, but they didn't get enough votes from the Totalfarkers. But some honorable mentions for this first contest:
 
 
Scientists now think that the great Khmer empire in Cambodia collapsed due to a prolonged drought, and not because of immigration issues caused by too many Angkor babies as previously thought
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6858652
 
Man to finally undergo surgery on one-meter tumor on his leg. Doctors will attempt to convert it to feet
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6859020
 
LAPD detective Phillp Vanatter, who led the OJ Simpson investigation, has died at age 70 from cancer. However, cancer released a statement today denying involvement in Vanatter's death and vowing to find the real killer
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6896698
 
Woman arrested for stealing more than 130 sticks of men's antiperspirant products. Police on lookout for woman smelling like football, bare-knuckle fights, and victory
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6889308
 
Mexican drug cartels are utilizing blind mules as a means to smuggle drugs into the US, plow oddly shaped farmland
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6897604
 
The Decemberists have withdrawn their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation, Nicholas I
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6920453
 
2012-12-06 03:59:13 PM
It truly is the most wonderful time of the year.
 
2012-12-06 03:59:37 PM
Wait a minute!

I think this headline meets criteria for eligibility (It was done in January 2012):

EU: 'So, we're ready to discuss your country joining the EU.' Montenegro: 'Wait, aren't you in the middle of collapsing?' EU: 'Montenegro, please'


http://www.fark.com/comments/7182791

/not subby
//would like to buy subby a beer though...that was funny.
 
2012-12-06 04:00:52 PM

Pangit: Headline of the Year candidate: Mother of autistic son facing criminal charges because he's tardy. Well that just seems insensitive

http://www.fark.com/comments/6861030

OK, everything pretty much sucked but this was hilarious.


I agree. That one truly made me LOL.
 
2012-12-06 04:01:52 PM

Headline of the Year candidate: Q: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A: The pickpocket snatches your watch

http://www.fark.com/comments/6842566


Should win it all
 
2012-12-06 04:02:15 PM

Cyrusv10: Wait a minute!

I think this headline meets criteria for eligibility (It was done in January 2012):


June 26.
 
2012-12-06 04:03:07 PM

Unfreakable: There were a few headlines that I thought deserved to be in this, but they didn't get enough votes from the Totalfarkers. But some honorable mentions for this first contest:
 
 
Scientists now think that the great Khmer empire in Cambodia collapsed due to a prolonged drought, and not because of immigration issues caused by too many Angkor babies as previously thought
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6858652
 
Man to finally undergo surgery on one-meter tumor on his leg. Doctors will attempt to convert it to feet
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6859020
 
LAPD detective Phillp Vanatter, who led the OJ Simpson investigation, has died at age 70 from cancer. However, cancer released a statement today denying involvement in Vanatter's death and vowing to find the real killer
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6896698
 
Woman arrested for stealing more than 130 sticks of men's antiperspirant products. Police on lookout for woman smelling like football, bare-knuckle fights, and victory
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6889308
 
Mexican drug cartels are utilizing blind mules as a means to smuggle drugs into the US, plow oddly shaped farmland
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6897604
 
The Decemberists have withdrawn their support of the Susan G. Komen foundation, Nicholas I
 
http://www.fark.com/comments/6920453


Thank you, I was especially proud of the Angkor Babies one, i think it was my personal best headline this year , and one of the few I'd actually publicly own up to writing
 
2012-12-06 04:04:56 PM

Magorn: Thank you, I was especially proud of the Angkor Babies one, i think it was my personal best headline this year , and one of the few I'd actually publicly own up to writing


Of those I posted, the Angkor headline and the Decemberists headlines were my personal favorites.
 
2012-12-06 04:06:48 PM
Meghan McCain blasts Santorum. Well, I guess we all know now what she was doing earlier

/not mine, but I think it deserved at least an honorable mention.
 
2012-12-06 04:08:01 PM
Not the strongest crop, but still some chuckles.
 
2012-12-06 04:08:55 PM

Fubegra: Meghan McCain blasts Santorum. Well, I guess we all know now what she was doing earlier

/not mine, but I think it deserved at least an honorable mention.


That was a headline from the politics tab. I haven't finished the subtab contests yet.
 
2012-12-06 04:09:58 PM
Headline of the Year candidate:

Drive-by masturbator caught before he can become drive-by shooter. Jerk
Link
 
2012-12-06 04:10:49 PM
How many move on to the next round?
 
2012-12-06 04:13:49 PM
"Missing algebra teacher found dead -- investigators looking to solve for why, query ex"

That's HOTY PURE GOLD.
 
2012-12-06 04:14:35 PM
I have laughed at them all. Good Job Peoples.
 
2012-12-06 04:19:10 PM

NickelP: How many move on to the next round?


Top five from this batch. Tough competition, and my favorites never make it through. I think a lot of people vote for everything that makes them laugh, which means that the headlines with the broadest appeal get the most votes.
 
2012-12-06 04:19:41 PM

video man: "Missing algebra teacher found dead -- investigators looking to solve for why, query ex"

That's HOTY PURE GOLD.


Having had my daughter just finish this chapter in grade 9 math, and having me try to help her, I was able to actually understand this. Have to agree, very inventive and one of the one's I voted for.
 
2012-12-06 04:20:44 PM
Lots of great ones here, AFAIC
 
2012-12-06 04:21:11 PM

atlfarkette: Pangit: Headline of the Year candidate: Mother of autistic son facing criminal charges because he's tardy. Well that just seems insensitive

http://www.fark.com/comments/6861030

OK, everything pretty much sucked but this was hilarious.

I agree. That one truly made me LOL.


This one will definitely be the winner
 
2012-12-06 04:22:43 PM
Wasn't then "clown car drops transmission" headline from last December? If so, this list fails.
 
2012-12-06 04:23:50 PM
Armstrong. Collarbone, not so much

http://www.fark.com/comments/7126732/
 
2012-12-06 04:24:06 PM

Unfreakable: NickelP: How many move on to the next round?

Top five from this batch. Tough competition, and my favorites never make it through. I think a lot of people vote for everything that makes them laugh, which means that the headlines with the broadest appeal get the most votes.


Do you have a favorite for the year?
 
2012-12-06 04:28:51 PM
"Missing algebra teacher found dead -- investigators looking to solve for why, query ex "

I like the smart headlines. This one gets my vote.
 
2012-12-06 04:29:30 PM

NickelP: Unfreakable: NickelP: How many move on to the next round?

Top five from this batch. Tough competition, and my favorites never make it through. I think a lot of people vote for everything that makes them laugh, which means that the headlines with the broadest appeal get the most votes.

Do you have a favorite for the year?


I've seen so many, it gets confusing. I've liked some that didn't make it this far (even for this contest). Of this batch, I think my favorite is:
 
Missing algebra teacher found dead -- investigators looking to solve for why, query ex
 
It's clever and completely original. I love it.
 
2012-12-06 04:42:34 PM

Headline of the Year candidate: Q: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A: The pickpocket snatches your watch

http://www.fark.com/comments/6842566


Win!
 
2012-12-06 04:54:07 PM
A teacher once told me there is no such thing as a stupid question.


So....what does HOTY stand for?
 
2012-12-06 04:55:16 PM

miltonbabbitt: A teacher once told me there is no such thing as a stupid question.


So....what does HOTY stand for?


Headline of the year. They do each month, then each few months, etc until they get it down to one.
 
2012-12-06 04:55:32 PM

miltonbabbitt: A teacher once told me there is no such thing as a stupid question.


So....what does HOTY stand for?


Headline of the Year.
 
2012-12-06 04:56:31 PM
How do i vote? I'm on a phone..
 
2012-12-06 04:59:50 PM

dopekitty74: How do i vote? I'm on a phone..


Switch to the non-mobile full site. It might say "full site" in the upper right-hand corner. Click that
 
2012-12-06 05:02:44 PM
Lots of great headlines, but I personally think that -

"Missing algebra teacher found dead -- investigators looking to solve for why, query ex"

- is the best of this bunch.
 
2012-12-06 05:07:09 PM
blah
 
2012-12-06 05:10:04 PM

Cyrusv10: Wait a minute!

I think this headline meets criteria for eligibility (It was done in January 2012):

EU: 'So, we're ready to discuss your country joining the EU.' Montenegro: 'Wait, aren't you in the middle of collapsing?' EU: 'Montenegro, please'


http://www.fark.com/comments/7182791

/not subby
//would like to buy subby a beer though...that was funny.


How is this not one of the finalist. That headline is so full of win.

I'm suprrised the 'Japanese population to shrink by a third' isn't getting more love. Voted for that one and tardy.
 
2012-12-06 05:12:10 PM

atlfarkette: Pangit: Headline of the Year candidate: Mother of autistic son facing criminal charges because he's tardy. Well that just seems insensitive

http://www.fark.com/comments/6861030

OK, everything pretty much sucked but this was hilarious.

I agree. That one truly made me LOL.



It'll certainly get the tard vote.
 
2012-12-06 05:14:02 PM
I've got a contender in this batch! Woo Hoo!
 
2012-12-06 06:09:58 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Lots of great headlines, but I personally think that -

"Missing algebra teacher found dead -- investigators looking to solve for why, query ex"

- is the best of this bunch.


IMHO as well, and say that even though I've still got one left in the running, but that headline there is truly quality
 
2012-12-06 06:19:46 PM
Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death

How the flying fark did this one not make the cut? I thought for sure this was a shoe-in.
 
2012-12-06 06:30:36 PM

Professor Horatio Hufnagel: Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death

How the flying fark did this one not make the cut? I thought for sure this was a shoe-in.


IIRC, there's an unwritten rule about death headlines/threads being taboo for HOTY.

Also; EVEN CNN saw that headline coming!
 
2012-12-06 06:50:58 PM

Magorn: IMHO as well, and say that even though I've still got one left in the running, but that headline there is truly quality


Congrats, then!


Professor Horatio Hufnagel: Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death

How the flying fark did this one not make the cut? I thought for sure this was a shoe-in.


It's an Entertainment tab headline that happened to be featured on the mainpage.

You'll undoubtedly see it in the Entertainment headline contest.
 
2012-12-06 06:59:19 PM
I am the very model of a modern major general!

(Do votes register if we don't leave a comment?)
 
2012-12-06 07:02:57 PM

Jedekai: IIRC, there's an unwritten rule about death headlines/threads being taboo for HOTY.


You mean the deaths of famous people? That's not true.

The 2006 HOTY contest featured a headline about feminist author Betty Friedan's death and the 2009 HOTY contest featured a headline about Oral Roberts' death,
 
2012-12-06 07:04:11 PM

aendeuryu: (Do votes register if we don't leave a comment?)


Definitely.

These contests almost always receive far more votes than the threads receive comments.
 
2012-12-06 08:02:33 PM
Damn ... it's just so hard to choose ... most of those made me snort my drink up my nose.
 
2012-12-06 08:42:19 PM
This year isnt quite as full of gems as years past... But good job still, subbys.
 
2012-12-06 10:31:09 PM
One of these is mine, supposedly, but I don't remember submitting it.
 
2012-12-07 01:35:37 AM

Professor Horatio Hufnagel: Whitney Houston beats Bobby Brown to death

How the flying fark did this one not make the cut? I thought for sure this was a shoe-in.



As Unfreakable stated earlier there will be a contest for each of the biggest subtabs later: sports, showbiz, geek, politics and business.  It's likely that headline will be in the showbiz category. 
 
2012-12-07 02:31:25 AM
ilovethisthread.jpg
 
2012-12-07 10:27:42 AM
The sheep one. I wish I'd noticed it at the time.
 
2012-12-07 10:34:21 AM
Hello? Hello teh funnay? Where you go this year?

/nuttin worth votin for
 
2012-12-07 11:33:50 AM

D_Evans45: This year isnt quite as full of gems as years past... But good job still, subbys.


Well these are just a few months - gems could await in the next three rounds. I loved "Printer ink tanker truck overturns. Damages estimated at seven hundred trillion dollars" - voted!

The rest were pretty funny too, IMO.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-12-07 08:17:23 PM
Unfreakable: my favorites never make it through.

How does it feel to be on the receiving end, red light man?
 
2012-12-09 07:19:48 AM

ZAZ: Unfreakable: my favorites never make it through.

How does it feel to be on the receiving end, red light man?


Lol
 
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