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(Short List)   Bad Sex Award winner announced. And before you say anything, Subby's mom wasn't even nominated   (shortlist.com) divider line 34
    More: Followup, new novel, treasures, prizes, Bad Sex in Fiction Award, Norman Mailer  
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18024 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2012 at 6:55 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-05 08:27:50 AM
8 votes:
"Her lips were like two nightcrawlers making love in a peat bog."
2012-12-05 06:56:51 AM
7 votes:
That's because she's already won the Lifetime Achievement Award.
2012-12-05 09:11:04 AM
6 votes:
This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?
2012-12-05 07:10:19 AM
4 votes:
After reading the article I only have one question:

How much did Kamal's balls weigh?
2012-12-05 07:00:50 AM
4 votes:

jayhawk88: That's because she's already won the Lifetime Achievement Award.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net
2012-12-05 09:35:37 AM
3 votes:
blogimages.project76.tv
Whereas I won an award for being the best at shagging.
2012-12-05 09:17:41 AM
3 votes:

Bedstead Polisher: This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?


I pictured treasure chests, gold coins, etc comically shooting out of her vagina.
2012-12-05 08:49:52 AM
3 votes:
My bowels quivered in anticipation
2012-12-05 08:47:30 AM
3 votes:
Nothing about Reginald's quivering member?

/swollen, turgid, tumescent?
//I'll look it up
2012-12-05 08:25:54 AM
3 votes:
a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

Courtesy of the Indiana State Fair. I admire these testaments to testicular toughness every year.
2012-12-05 08:22:00 AM
3 votes:
I read a lot of bad books at my job, and one of my favorite bad sex lines is actually a sentence describing a post-coital scene in Robyn Carr's Temptation Ridge:

She slept like a baby, content, peaceful and drunk on sex.

You know, the way babies get drunk on sex? They do have a low tolerance, being so young and inexperienced, it doesn't take much to get them drunk.
2012-12-05 08:03:55 AM
3 votes:

Fibro: How much did Kamal's balls weigh?


chriscontent.files.wordpress.com

They look to be about 3 pounds. But you can make cool stuff out of them if you are crafty.

http://www.trocadero.com/TheOldBazaar/items/934426/catphoto.jpg
2012-12-05 07:53:24 AM
3 votes:

Jake Havechek: "She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch."


too subtle?
2012-12-05 07:49:10 AM
3 votes:
"Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

-- Bill O'Reilly, Those Who Trespass
2012-12-05 07:38:32 AM
3 votes:
In. Out. In. Out. InOutInOutInnnn ... disappointment and guilt.
2012-12-05 01:38:31 PM
2 votes:
i.ytimg.com

"This one's called 'Lick My Love Pump.'"
2012-12-05 09:19:29 AM
2 votes:

Shrinkwrap: Bedstead Polisher: This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?

I pictured treasure chests, gold coins, etc comically shooting out of her vagina.


Maybe that's how he ended up from her neck to her toes, the projectiles knocked him down to the floor.
2012-12-05 09:18:20 AM
2 votes:

Bedstead Polisher: It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?


She vajazzles with real diamonds. Lots of them
2012-12-05 09:05:11 AM
2 votes:
www.cassandra.co

So intentionally bad writing didn't count?
2012-12-05 07:14:14 AM
2 votes:

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Undulate


Could be worse. Could be ungulate instead.
2012-12-05 07:10:57 AM
2 votes:
Damn, and I thought this year was my year. Oh well, back to the futon on the floor surrounded by scented candles, sex toys and mouse turds being eaten by the roaches that I tell my lover isn't so bad once you get used to the scurrying sounds.
2012-12-05 07:02:57 AM
2 votes:
Undulate
2012-12-05 06:59:45 AM
2 votes:
Well duh. Subbys mom is the best lay in town.
2012-12-05 03:56:14 PM
1 votes:
Rule #1 for aspiring authors

Write what you know about

Nancy obviously learned about sex watching Dr. Oz try and get Oprah off with a rake, a penguin and two rolled up copies of SELF magazine.
2012-12-05 12:08:07 PM
1 votes:

Fibro: After reading the article I only have one question:

How much did Kamal's balls weigh?


More importantly, is it possible for God to create balls so heavy that neither Kamal, nor God himself, could lift them?
2012-12-05 11:02:01 AM
1 votes:
One of my favorites was the 2001 winner,

Her hand is moving away from my knee and heading north. Heading unnervingly and with a steely will towards the pole. And, like Sir Ranulph Fiennes, Pamela will not easily be discouraged. I try twitching, and then shaking my leg, but to no avail. At last, disastrously, I try squeezing her hand painfully between my bony thighs, but this only serves to inflame her ardour the more. Ever northward moves her hand, while she smiles languorously at my right ear. And when she reaches the north pole, I think in wonder and terror....she will surely want to pitch her tent.

Bonus points to the writer for the Guardian for working the phrase "beat off stiff competition" into her article about that award.
2012-12-05 10:57:44 AM
1 votes:

E5bie: Shrinkwrap: Bedstead Polisher: This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?

I pictured treasure chests, gold coins, etc comically shooting out of her vagina.

The image that created in my mind comes with Mario Bros coin-collecting sound effects.


For me it's the sound when Sonic loses all his rings...

vinnylanni.files.wordpress.com
2012-12-05 10:47:25 AM
1 votes:
the countless treasures between my legs???

/THEY SAID THERE WOULD BE NO MATH!!!
2012-12-05 10:03:38 AM
1 votes:
the countless treasures between my legs

Pirate treasures?

Pirate treasure is also called booty.
2012-12-05 09:12:02 AM
1 votes:
Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...

And that moocow was the best fark I ever had.
2012-12-05 08:27:26 AM
1 votes:
He inserted his turgid member into her heated inner lips.
2012-12-05 08:04:32 AM
1 votes:
www.trocadero.com
2012-12-05 07:46:38 AM
1 votes:
Effulgent
2012-12-05 07:16:56 AM
1 votes:
So wait. Did the author use the same passage twice, or the article writer? Pot, kettle, black?
 
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