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(Short List)   Bad Sex Award winner announced. And before you say anything, Subby's mom wasn't even nominated   (shortlist.com) divider line 80
    More: Followup, new novel, treasures, prizes, Bad Sex in Fiction Award, Norman Mailer  
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18024 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Dec 2012 at 6:55 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-05 06:56:51 AM
That's because she's already won the Lifetime Achievement Award.
 
2012-12-05 06:59:45 AM
Well duh. Subbys mom is the best lay in town.
 
2012-12-05 07:00:50 AM

jayhawk88: That's because she's already won the Lifetime Achievement Award.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2012-12-05 07:02:57 AM
Undulate
 
2012-12-05 07:10:19 AM
After reading the article I only have one question:

How much did Kamal's balls weigh?
 
2012-12-05 07:10:57 AM
Damn, and I thought this year was my year. Oh well, back to the futon on the floor surrounded by scented candles, sex toys and mouse turds being eaten by the roaches that I tell my lover isn't so bad once you get used to the scurrying sounds.
 
2012-12-05 07:13:25 AM
Subby sounds disappointed.
 
2012-12-05 07:14:14 AM

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Undulate


Could be worse. Could be ungulate instead.
 
2012-12-05 07:16:56 AM
So wait. Did the author use the same passage twice, or the article writer? Pot, kettle, black?
 
2012-12-05 07:18:00 AM
Like any good book, I won't judge Subby's mom until I open her up.
 
2012-12-05 07:22:33 AM

eltejon: So wait. Did the author use the same passage twice, or the article writer? Pot, kettle, black?


FTA: The prize is draws attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages of sexual description in the modern novel, and attempts to discourage it.

It seems that the article writer may be quoting some redundant passages. However, it is also a poorly edited article, so who really knows?
 
2012-12-05 07:38:32 AM
In. Out. In. Out. InOutInOutInnnn ... disappointment and guilt.
 
2012-12-05 07:40:19 AM
Alternation.
 
2012-12-05 07:41:23 AM
They need to do this to porn. Most ridiculous sexual position, skankiest women, nastiest guy, etc.
 
2012-12-05 07:46:38 AM
Effulgent
 
2012-12-05 07:49:10 AM
"Ashley was now wearing only brief white panties. She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch. She closed her eyes, concentrating on nothing but Shannon's tongue and lips. He gently teased her by licking the areas around her most sensitive erogenous zone. Then he slipped her panties down her legs and, within seconds, his tongue was inside her, moving rapidly."

-- Bill O'Reilly, Those Who Trespass
 
2012-12-05 07:52:51 AM
"The prize draws attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages"... Just like every Harry Potter book...
 
2012-12-05 07:53:24 AM

Jake Havechek: "She had signaled her desire by removing her shirt and skirt, and by leaning back on the couch."


too subtle?
 
2012-12-05 07:56:33 AM
Wow not even the least bit sensual, sexual, arousing........she sounds like a fat girl with a thesaurus.
 
2012-12-05 07:58:50 AM

OhioUGrad: she sounds like a fat girl with a thesaurus.


That's oddly arousing.
 
2012-12-05 08:03:55 AM

Fibro: How much did Kamal's balls weigh?


chriscontent.files.wordpress.com

They look to be about 3 pounds. But you can make cool stuff out of them if you are crafty.

http://www.trocadero.com/TheOldBazaar/items/934426/catphoto.jpg
 
2012-12-05 08:04:32 AM
www.trocadero.com
 
2012-12-05 08:22:00 AM
I read a lot of bad books at my job, and one of my favorite bad sex lines is actually a sentence describing a post-coital scene in Robyn Carr's Temptation Ridge:

She slept like a baby, content, peaceful and drunk on sex.

You know, the way babies get drunk on sex? They do have a low tolerance, being so young and inexperienced, it doesn't take much to get them drunk.
 
2012-12-05 08:25:54 AM
a3.ec-images.myspacecdn.com

Courtesy of the Indiana State Fair. I admire these testaments to testicular toughness every year.
 
2012-12-05 08:27:26 AM
He inserted his turgid member into her heated inner lips.
 
2012-12-05 08:27:50 AM
"Her lips were like two nightcrawlers making love in a peat bog."
 
2012-12-05 08:33:36 AM
Forget TFA- This one that was at the bottom of the page looks funnier:
http://www.shortlist.com/cool-stuff/photography/awkward-breast-squeez e -caught-on-police-camera
 
2012-12-05 08:38:02 AM

Greek: Forget TFA- This one that was at the bottom of the page looks funnier:
http://www.shortlist.com/cool-stuff/photography/awkward-breast-squeez e -caught-on-police-camera


You would be surprised how many times that picture has already been greenlit?
 
2012-12-05 08:39:21 AM
And where is Fifty Shades in all this? How does a book described as a "bad fanfic" when compared to its source material not win every one of these prizes from here until the heat death of the universe?
 
2012-12-05 08:44:08 AM

Flakeloaf: And where is Fifty Shades in all this? How does a book described as a "bad fanfic" when compared to its source material not win every one of these prizes from here until the heat death of the universe?


As bas as 50 Shades... is, I can guarantee you there is a steady stream of far worse "novels" published nearly every day. And there's plenty of bad sex in a lot of them. There are a lot of books I think deserve a label on the cover reading, "Have you considered porn instead?" Trust me, the literary industry makes the music industry look like a bunch of high-minded people of integrity selling the works of certified geniuses.
 
2012-12-05 08:47:17 AM
Yes, bad sex writing, but it will still sell with the single, 30-something, 260 lb chicks, with nine cats demographic. Know you target audience and all that.
 
2012-12-05 08:47:30 AM
Nothing about Reginald's quivering member?

/swollen, turgid, tumescent?
//I'll look it up
 
2012-12-05 08:48:31 AM
Prevailing Wind,

My daughter asked what was wrong with the pig when we saw that (Peru, IN native)
 
2012-12-05 08:49:35 AM
Hardcore porn is for men, erotic literature is for 300 lb chicks scarfing 7/11 pickles and a large diet Coke.
 
2012-12-05 08:49:52 AM
My bowels quivered in anticipation
 
2012-12-05 08:51:13 AM

JackieRabbit: Yes, bad sex writing, but it will still sell with the single, 30-something, 260 lb chicks, with nine cats demographic. Know you target audience and all that.


Do you have these gals numbers? I love the bbw
 
2012-12-05 08:52:16 AM
"It was a dark and stormy night..."
 
2012-12-05 09:05:11 AM
www.cassandra.co

So intentionally bad writing didn't count?
 
2012-12-05 09:06:46 AM

Mid_mo_mad_man: JackieRabbit: Yes, bad sex writing, but it will still sell with the single, 30-something, 260 lb chicks, with nine cats demographic. Know you target audience and all that.

Do you have these gals numbers? I love the bbw


Just go Walmart and start chatting them up. They'll give you their numbers.
 
2012-12-05 09:09:37 AM
Well if my soon to be wife was ok with it I would.
/I work at a a Supercenter Wal-Mart.
// Hotter women then you think shop there.
/// Esp after bars close
 
2012-12-05 09:10:06 AM

Nitrox: Prevailing Wind,

My daughter asked what was wrong with the pig when we saw that (Peru, IN native)


So what did you tell her?
 
2012-12-05 09:11:04 AM
This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?
 
2012-12-05 09:12:01 AM

Elegy: Nitrox: Prevailing Wind,

My daughter asked what was wrong with the pig when we saw that (Peru, IN native)

So what did you tell her?


Why should the pig hide a set like that
 
2012-12-05 09:12:02 AM
Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road and this moocow that was coming down along the road met a nicens little boy named baby tuckoo...

And that moocow was the best fark I ever had.
 
2012-12-05 09:12:30 AM
It was pregnant. I choked....

My bad
 
2012-12-05 09:12:46 AM

Nitrox: Prevailing Wind,

My daughter asked what was wrong with the pig when we saw that (Peru, IN native)


Why is your daughter reading a sex-themed thread with you? INCESTUOUS PERVERT!
 
2012-12-05 09:16:56 AM

fuzzybacchus: "The prize draws attention to the crude, badly written, often perfunctory use of redundant passages"... Just like every Harry Potter book...


Or a Spice Dream.
 
2012-12-05 09:17:41 AM

Bedstead Polisher: This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?


I pictured treasure chests, gold coins, etc comically shooting out of her vagina.
 
2012-12-05 09:18:20 AM

Bedstead Polisher: It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?


She vajazzles with real diamonds. Lots of them
 
2012-12-05 09:19:29 AM

Shrinkwrap: Bedstead Polisher: This snippet is my favourite part, where the lover explores these areas: my breasts, the back of my neck, my toes, my stomach, the countless treasures between my legs

It produces quite a mental image. Does he go in that order? If so, he seems very disorganized. Also, what does she have going on between her legs to produce "countless treasures"? I can count what I have going on just fine, am I missing out?

I pictured treasure chests, gold coins, etc comically shooting out of her vagina.


Maybe that's how he ended up from her neck to her toes, the projectiles knocked him down to the floor.
 
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