If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Buzzfeed)   The 10 Commandments Of Awesome Hot Chocolate: never ever use powder   (buzzfeed.com) divider line 183
    More: Advice, whisk, brown sugars, half-and-half, nutmeg  
•       •       •

15587 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Dec 2012 at 3:58 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



183 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-12-04 04:19:30 PM

oldfarthenry: Step 1 - think about making hot chocolate
Step 2 - remember that you're an adult
Step 3 - drink a glass of Scotch instead


That's correct.

And just to piss you off though, I will take mine with one ice cube, please.
 
2012-12-04 04:23:02 PM
Don't heat milk or chocolate in a pan, use a double boiler
 
2012-12-04 04:23:21 PM

Shostie: JackieRabbit: No, you can't. This is far worse than using dried cocoa

Sure you can. Just whisk a couple teaspoons of cornstarch with 1/4 cup of cold milk, then stir that into the cocoa as it finishes cooking. It'll thicken right up.


Depending on the heat used, cornstarch needs anywhere from five to 10 minutes to lose its raw flavor. It's okay in something like a pudding, which will cook a bit longer, but not in hot chocolate. My method will produce a creamy chocolate with a nutty flavor. If you want hot chocolate to be very thick, use the European method: melt the chocolate in a double boiler and add hot cream until you have the desired consistency.

/a purist when cooking. never. cut. corners.
 
2012-12-04 04:23:29 PM

JackieRabbit: "7. You can use cornstarch to make the hot chocolate extra silky-smooth (optional)."

No, you can't. This is far worse than using dried cocoa (though I know of some really good ones that make excellent hot chocolate)...


I am not going to trust some stupid article that suggests adding cornstarch to my hot cocoa, just no. Dried cocoa can be awesome, just use a good one like this:

i.imgur.com

Love Wilbur :)
 
2012-12-04 04:23:56 PM
You know, some cold evenings, I just want a quick hot chocolate. It doesn't have to look like Alton Brown invaded my kitchen and take $50 worth of ingrediants to make something passable. I just make it strong, use my hot water dispenser to hydrate it, and use a splash of sugar free syrup like the kind tha tyou get at coffee stands to add extra flavor (usually vanilla, but occationally Kaluha, peppermint, or lately, gingerbread).

Yeah, it the Queen of England was coming over I wouldn't serve it, but what are the realistic chances of that?
 
2012-12-04 04:25:16 PM
1 tablespoon of top-shelf cocoa powder
2 tablespoons of sugar
about 1 oz of milk

put the sugar and the powder in a big mug. Slowly add the milk and stir like crazy until there's a smooth brown paste at the bottom of the mug.

Boil some water and top up the mug about 3/4 of the way, stirring the whole time to dissolve the paste

Top up with some cold milk or whipped cream.

De-farkin'-licious. No melting, ho hassle, no double boilers. Beats the hell out of instant hot chocklit powder.
 
2012-12-04 04:25:30 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-04 04:25:37 PM

H31N0US: oldfarthenry: Step 1 - think about making hot chocolate
Step 2 - remember that you're an adult
Step 3 - drink a glass of Scotch instead

That's correct.

And just to piss you off though, I will take mine with one ice cube, please.


Puh-LEEZE! Two ice cubes!
 
2012-12-04 04:25:38 PM
Many years ago, they recommended less sugar & processed food for hyperactive kids, instead of speed. That's when I started making Carob & Honey Cocoa.

Link


we still drink it, even though my 30 year old FINALLY outgrew the hyperactive shiat.
 
2012-12-04 04:26:52 PM

Le Bomb Suprize: evilmrsock: Pocket Ninja: 1) Melt down an iron skillet's worth of Three Musketeers bars.
2) Pour melted chocolate and nougat into a glass of milk.
3) BAM. Tell the results don't shock you.

... It's you, so, my default reaction is that this must be a TERRIBLE idea.

... but it's YOU, so, what if it's actually THE BEST idea?

My reaction as well. There is a fine line between genius and stupid and this recipe might be either.


fark it, my wife's closing tonight. She can't stop me. I'm gonna have a salad, eat a steak, melt down 3 bars of 3 Musketeers, and drink it. MAYBE I'LL EVEN USE THE MINT ONES.

If i don't post back in this thread, send my wife flowers.
 
2012-12-04 04:27:43 PM

carnifex2005: Just grab this...


They sell that at the electronics store?
 
2012-12-04 04:30:22 PM
Who knew there were hot chocolate snobs? I'd heard of beer snobs and shaving snobs. But this one is new.
 
2012-12-04 04:33:48 PM

Treygreen13: Who knew there were hot chocolate snobs? I'd heard of beer snobs and shaving snobs. But this one is new.


We need to establish cities and regions for different types of hot chocolate to make it truly inane.

Like, "BOISE HOT CHOCOLATE IS THE BEST ALL YOU PEOPLE EATING BIRMINGHAM, ALABAMA HOT CHOCOLATE ARE WRONG! ENJOY YOUR CHOCOLATE CASSEROLE, ASSHOLES!
 
2012-12-04 04:33:51 PM
Take the slabs of chocolate you get from the wholesale shop, Belguim of course, this thing is big and weighs 5 kilo's (11 lbs) use a hammer to break it up and get a cup of hot water. perfect!
 
2012-12-04 04:35:29 PM
Whatever, subby. My cocaine hot chocolate mix always gets rave reviews from my guests.
 
2012-12-04 04:37:02 PM

Treygreen13: Who knew there were hot chocolate snobs? I'd heard of beer snobs and shaving snobs. But this one is new.


Meh, you can make good and shiatty versions of just about anything, and doing it "right" will matter to some people and some other people won't give a damn and consume the shiatty version.

I won't eat shiatty pizza and I don't really care about Dr. Pepper clones.
 
2012-12-04 04:39:33 PM

Salmon: [3.bp.blogspot.com image 498x646]


Looks like he was finishing up fisting some poor smuck with diarrhea.
 
2012-12-04 04:39:51 PM
Hot chocolate for the 1% :p

Then again, I might not have a choice soon. Out of the three grocery store chains in my area, I can only find two or three makes of hot chocolate mix that DON'T have aspartame / splenda / artificial shiat sweetener in them. That stuff gives my wife splitting headaches and makes her sick to her stomach, so we're running mighty low on chocolate stock around here. We do have some Dutch chocolate powder in the house that nobody but me likes, though, so I might have to doctor it up a bit to see what I can get out of it.
 
2012-12-04 04:39:52 PM

oldfarthenry: KER-RIST! Must you anal-retentives turn every simple little thing into a harrowing ordeal?


Amen...

Make some friends. Spend time with family... THAT is what will fill the empty whole inside of you that's crying out for something authentic, something of substance...

Stop being overwrought douchebag connoisseurs of everything.

And unless you grew up plucking olives off the tree in your nonno's yard in Sicily, DON'T pronounce "mozzarella" as "MOOTZ-ah-rell."

(Yes, I'm talking to you, 'R'-rolling douchebag attorney behind me in line at lunch today.)
 
2012-12-04 04:39:59 PM
This stuff is pretty tasty:

www.caffedamore.com 

Linky link link
 
2012-12-04 04:40:26 PM
Swiss Miss or Carnation works for me. Marshmallow fluff on top for that extra treat.
 
2012-12-04 04:41:18 PM
It is 73 degrees in Texas. Fark any drink that is served hot right now.
 
2012-12-04 04:42:34 PM

JohnTuttle


we're running mighty low on chocolate stock around here. We do have some Dutch chocolate powder in the house that nobody but me likes, though, so I might have to doctor it up a bit to see what I can get out of it.


If only there were some way to request - nay, order - a desired product and have it magically transported to one's own home. Truly that would be miraculous.
 
2012-12-04 04:42:37 PM
Proper way to make hot chocolate:

1) Open beer and pour into glass of choice.
2) Start drinking your beer as you find a coffee mug.
3) Add packet of instant hot chocolate to mug and fill 2/3 full of water - microwave for 50 seconds.
4) Sip your beer as you wait for microwave to finish.
5) Remove hot chocolate, give it a stir, throw in too many marshmallows and 2 coffee straws.
6) Give hot chocolate to your 5 year old boy and laugh as he goes nuts because of the extra marshmallows.
7) Cuddle up with your kid and enjoy your beer while watching cartoons.
 
2012-12-04 04:42:42 PM
www.energyfiend.com

+

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-12-04 04:44:12 PM
The Hooville Martini
(makes one; recipe from Southwest Airlines Spirit, Feb. '09)
1 3/4 ounce vodka
3/4 ounce amaretto liqueur
1 1/2 ounce Yoo-Hoo

Garnish:
Chocolate shavings (I used white and dark chocolate)
Hot cocoa mix, for rim

1.Combine vodka, amaretto and Yoo-hoo in an ice-filled cocktail shaker.
2. Shake vigorously and strain into a cocoa-rimmed martini glass.
3. Garnish with chocolate shavings.
 
2012-12-04 04:46:07 PM
- 1 packet Swiss Miss
- 1 Mini-Moo
- Coffee

The morning wake-me-up when I get to work.
 
2012-12-04 04:47:15 PM

JackieRabbit: Shostie: JackieRabbit: No, you can't. This is far worse than using dried cocoa

Sure you can. Just whisk a couple teaspoons of cornstarch with 1/4 cup of cold milk, then stir that into the cocoa as it finishes cooking. It'll thicken right up.

Depending on the heat used, cornstarch needs anywhere from five to 10 minutes to lose its raw flavor. It's okay in something like a pudding, which will cook a bit longer, but not in hot chocolate.


Absolutely. That's why you use a couple grams of xanthan gum instead.
 
2012-12-04 04:47:26 PM
Rocky mountain chocolate factory whistler's blend. End of story...too many have told me it's better than sex...
 
2012-12-04 04:48:55 PM
In college we would basically make those but then add in Baileys and pot butter, then usually do something like build a blanket fort
 
2012-12-04 04:49:07 PM

zulius: Rocky mountain chocolate factory whistler's blend. End of story...too many have told me it's better than sex...


That's because you're spectacularly bad at sex.
 
2012-12-04 04:49:23 PM

Shostie: JackieRabbit: No, you can't. This is far worse than using dried cocoa

Sure you can. Just whisk a couple teaspoons of cornstarch with 1/4 cup of cold milk, then stir that into the cocoa as it finishes cooking. It'll thicken right up.


Or you could just microwave a tub of instant pudding and drink it.
 
2012-12-04 04:51:15 PM
...but first make sure it organic whole milk from a local artisinal dairy, and shade-grown fair-trade cocoa sustainably harvested by co-op owners.


fark all that:
1) Hershey's Syrup
2) Milk
3) Microwave

Drink it. Done!
 
2012-12-04 04:52:49 PM
Wait wait, you can MAKE marshmallows?
 
2012-12-04 04:52:51 PM
I don't have to dirty a pan, keep whole milk and cream stocked in the fridge, or make a farking quart of hot chocolate if I just use powder. This is an instance where there is a vast difference in convenience that makes me comfortable about the trade-off in quality.
 
2012-12-04 04:53:57 PM

gopher321: Cyberluddite: If you really like chocolate, and you've ever had the super-rich, super-intense hot chocolate at the famous Angelina cafe in Paris (or similar places in France and Italy), you'll never want to have anything else:

i>

You went to a cafe in Europe and all you had was hot chocolate? Not even with a nip of brandy in it?


You've obviously never seen this place. There's a line out into the street every damn morning for the hot chocolate. Magic doesn't really describe it.
 
2012-12-04 04:54:36 PM
Thanks subby, great find. Next time I want to spend half my morning making and cleaning up after my drink, I'll ask you for advice.
 
2012-12-04 04:56:18 PM
All these recipes are FAIL because none have chili powder in them.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
 
2012-12-04 04:57:15 PM
The trick is to use alkalized cocoa powder.

/Makes cocoa mix for a living, getting a kick
 
2012-12-04 04:57:24 PM

ProfessorOhki: Wait wait, you can MAKE marshmallows?


Yes
 
2012-12-04 04:57:58 PM
If you use the powdered stuff, first make a simple syrup with water, sugar and powdered cocoa...then add milk. No clumps
 
2012-12-04 04:59:17 PM

Le Bomb Suprize: evilmrsock: Pocket Ninja: 1) Melt down an iron skillet's worth of Three Musketeers bars.
2) Pour melted chocolate and nougat into a glass of milk.
3) BAM. Tell the results don't shock you.

... It's you, so, my default reaction is that this must be a TERRIBLE idea.

... but it's YOU, so, what if it's actually THE BEST idea?

My reaction as well. There is a fine line between genius and stupid and this recipe might be either.


Post sounds beyond ridiculous- default action: ignore.

Difficulty: It's highlighted in green because it's PN.

/i'd probably react the same way to "dip your sea salt fries in a wendy's frosty" before I knew about that
 
2012-12-04 04:59:20 PM
4 ounces of chocolate? Pansies!
img812.imageshack.us
 
2012-12-04 04:59:34 PM

Englebert Slaptyback: JohnTuttle

we're running mighty low on chocolate stock around here. We do have some Dutch chocolate powder in the house that nobody but me likes, though, so I might have to doctor it up a bit to see what I can get out of it.


If only there were some way to request - nay, order - a desired product and have it magically transported to one's own home. Truly that would be miraculous.


So I can pay shipping costs on top of of the cost of the exact same items I can find locally, and to still end up with artificial sweetener? Thanks, but no thanks.
 
2012-12-04 05:02:12 PM
I'll say one thing for powdered chocolate. It's a lot easier to snort.
www.blogcdn.com
 
2012-12-04 05:03:25 PM

brakiachi: The trick is to use alkalized cocoa powder.

/Makes cocoa mix for a living, getting a kick


You meant not to, right? Not to use Dutch process. Right?
 
2012-12-04 05:08:04 PM

Pocket Ninja: 1) Melt down an iron skillet's worth of Three Musketeers bars.
2) Pour melted chocolate and nougat into a glass of milk.
3) BAM. Tell the results don't shock you.


In all seriousness, I bet that would be all kinds of awesomesauce. In fact, I may just try it over Christmas while my wife is out of town. However (and I am NOT an expect) I think you would want to use a metal bowl over water rather than a skillet.
 
2012-12-04 05:08:59 PM
cdn.vosgeschocolate.com
 
2012-12-04 05:10:28 PM

Cyberluddite: If you really like chocolate, and you've ever had the super-rich, super-intense hot chocolate at the famous Angelina cafe in Paris (or similar places in France and Italy), you'll never want to have anything else:


That's like saying if I fark a supermodel in Paris, I'll never want to fark anyone else. If Swiss Miss is the only thing in the cupboard or if the homely girl is the only one left at the bar...I'll take it
 
2012-12-04 05:11:15 PM

illannoyin: Hai gize! Whuz goin on in this thred?

[www.magicmoviemachine.com image 582x289]

/My penis tastes like chocolate
//It squirts diamonds and coupons for free shoes
///That's right ladies, I'm the perfect man
\Call me


Is two flavors really worthy of being called a "sampler?"
 
Displayed 50 of 183 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report