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(ESPN)   In a nutshell: Every team in the league basically sucks to one extent or another, but the Jags now replace the Chiefs as the team that sucks the worst. It's your Week 14 NFL Power Rankings   (espn.go.com) divider line 326
    More: Strange, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, away games, Albert Haynesworth, rankings, Kevin Kolb, Jags, Mike Shanahan, Matt Hasselbeck  
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3434 clicks; posted to Sports » on 04 Dec 2012 at 1:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-04 12:09:04 PM
I think a convincing argument could be made that, despite their slightly better record, right now the Raiders are the worst team in the NFL. In a matchup of the Raiders against either the Chiefs or the Jags, I'm not at all convinced that the Raiders should be favored to win.

And despite squeezing out a "victory," if you can call it that, against the hapless Cards last weekend, I'm not sure the Jets are any better than any of those teams right now.
 
2012-12-04 12:10:32 PM
The Chiefs are the worst team in the league, and it's not close. After this shiatshow last weekend I would make the argument that they may very well be the worst franchise in sports.
 
2012-12-04 12:16:36 PM
The Texans are still #1 (YAY!)

Broncos should be #4, not #5

Jets should've stayed where they were. They're the most dysfunctional team in the NFL right now.

I have no problem with the Chiefs moving above the Jags. The Chiefs won and the Jags lost. Was it motivated a little by the tragedy? Sure, but I see nothing wrong with bumping them from last.
 
2012-12-04 12:16:52 PM

mitchcumstein1: The Chiefs are the worst team in the league, and it's not close. After this shiatshow last weekend I would make the argument that they may very well be the worst franchise in sports.


No doubt it's a franchise in peril. But it should be pointed out that there's a difference between "worst team" and "worst franchise." Often there is some overlap between the two (including in this case), but not always.
 
2012-12-04 12:17:47 PM

Cyberluddite: mitchcumstein1: The Chiefs are the worst team in the league, and it's not close. After this shiatshow last weekend I would make the argument that they may very well be the worst franchise in sports.

No doubt it's a franchise in peril. But it should be pointed out that there's a difference between "worst team" and "worst franchise." Often there is some overlap between the two (including in this case), but not always.


No, no, they're both right now. They're bad, and they're badly run.
 
2012-12-04 12:22:54 PM

scottydoesntknow: Broncos should be #4, not #5


As a 49ers fan, I can't really argue with you there. The Broncos have only lost to the top 3 teams in the rankings (by a combined 22 points). The Niners have lost to the Vikings, the Giants, and the Lambs, along with the tie debacle. If they played head-to-head, with both teams playing their best games, I would probably expect the Niners to win that game, but the 49ers haven't been consistent enough to be ranked ahead of the Broncos right now.
 
2012-12-04 12:44:43 PM
the Jags now replace the Chiefs as the team that sucks the worst

And we lost to them. Woo!
 
2012-12-04 12:52:13 PM
Packers behind the Ravens? I don't think so: everyone seems to forget they had one stolen by the scab refs...
 
2012-12-04 01:02:23 PM

Nofun: Packers behind the Ravens? I don't think so: everyone seems to forget they had one stolen by the scab refs...


That's ridiculous. Everyone knows they're called potato refs. Get a brain moran.
 
2012-12-04 01:10:51 PM
I would now like to unveil the project I've been wasting my free time on for the past week: the Faultlessly Accurate RanKing system, or, for the haters, the Faulty And Inaccurate Listing system. The FARK/FAIL system V0.9.0 is a power ranking system that takes into account the SOV of each team's opponents in the week that they played each other, and the margin of victory of the game. So beating the 4-0 Cardinals is better for your rank than beating the 4-8 Cardinals, and beating the Patriots by two possessions is better than beating them by a field goal.

(2) 1 Atlanta
(1) 2 Houston
(3) 3 New England
(4) 4 San Francisco*
(5) 5 Denver
(7) 6 Green Bay
(6) 7 Baltimore
(8) 8 Chicago
(10) 9 New York (Giants)
(12) 10 Seattle
(9) 11 Indianapolis
(13) 12 Pittsburgh
(11) 13 Cincinnati
(19) 14 St. Louis*
(14) 15 Washington
(15) 16 Tampa Bay
(17) 17 Minnesota
(16) 18 Dallas
(20) 19 Miami
(18) 20 New Orleans
(26) 21 Tennessee
(23) 22 Buffalo
(22) 23 New York (Jets)
(27) 24 Arizona
(21) 25 Detroit
(25) 26 San Diego
(24) 27 Cleveland
(28) 28 Carolina
(30) 29 Philadelphia
(32) 30 Jacksonville
(29) 31 Oakland
(31) 32 Kansas City

*Farking ties
Parentheses are ESPN's ranks.

The Lions are too damn high: +4
The Rams and Titans are too damn low: -5

I wasn to say thanks to Di Atribe and RminusQ for helping me with this. Any credit goes their way, all critism belongs with me.
 
2012-12-04 01:10:56 PM
Subby's headline sucks.

It should be sucks the most. Sucks the worst is like being the worst at sucking so that would be the Texans or the Falcons. 

/goes back to hide in Geek thread
 
2012-12-04 01:15:38 PM
From the redlit thread (with slight edits):

<asshole mode>anyone else find it fishy that KC jumped a spot this week?</asshole mode> Surely, any emotional boost is a good one, but are they really a better team, relative to the rest of the league, than they were last week?

// because Power Rankings are srs bznss, and the Dow Jones will be overvaluing the Chiefs now
// OMG FOOTBALL BUBBLE
// I'm moving all my money to hockey futures
 
2012-12-04 01:29:26 PM
I kinda agree with Sando's rankings, which actually seem to be based on current trends rather than simply "look at that record!"

Cardinals and Eagles haven't won in the past eight weeks - they can currently be the worst teams in football.

The Cardinals just lost to the Jets, FFS.
 
2012-12-04 01:32:57 PM
From another Sando article:

"The Seahawks' opponents have made all 18 field-goal tries, making Seattle the only team in the NFL yet to benefit from an opponent's miss through Week 13."

No wonder it feels like we never catch a f*cking break on those.
 
2012-12-04 01:33:13 PM
I'm just gonna put this right here...

thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com



Was at the game last night - one of the better games I've been to in a long, long while. Pissed they rank us in the middle of the league, but a win on Sunday will fix alll that :)
 
2012-12-04 01:33:37 PM

IAmRight: I kinda agree with Sando's rankings, which actually seem to be based on current trends rather than simply "look at that record!"

Cardinals and Eagles haven't won in the past eight weeks - they can currently be the worst teams in football.

The Cardinals just lost to the Jets, FFS.


Agreed. The Eagles should be somewhere about 40th right now.
 
2012-12-04 01:35:43 PM
And without further ado, thecpt and Bunny Deville present to you This Week's version of The FAIL

For those who missed it last night, here is the inaugural fail
 
2012-12-04 01:35:50 PM
The third-string of the Steelers beat the Ravens, proving that even the Steelers' third string is for real, and they only go up one point?

Think about this. Batch just proved that he can still do it, that last week was just shaking off rust. That gives the Steelers a lot less pressure to get Ben back on the field and lets him rest another game or two.

By the playoffs, the Steelers are in on a wild card and the Quarterback (and other key players) are healthy and rested. Nice place to be.
 
2012-12-04 01:36:39 PM
I know it's not possible, but still. The Jaguars are too damn high.
 
2012-12-04 01:39:14 PM

nmrsnr:
The Rams and Titans are too damn low: -5
.


Well it is common trend to think of the Rams as always a below-average team, even though there are actual signs of improvement over this past year (minus the Jets fail). Also I blame East Coast Bias.
 
2012-12-04 01:39:36 PM
The Giants at #10?

[imokaywiththis.jpg]

Don't even feel bad about the loss; the Redskins are always a PITA.

Then again, they'll be putting "paid" to the Saints very faint playoff hopes this Sunday.
 
2012-12-04 01:40:06 PM

IAmRight: The Cardinals just lost to the Jets, FFS.


Whiz' seat gets hotter every day. He's due something like $5.5 next year which is why some say he's bulletproof, but.....the local scribes are starting the write the stuff i've been saying for years here: "whiz and graves have continuously failed at the QB position, and all indications are that we are once again looking to draft a QB or pursue free agency."

the FA crop (outside of Flacco, who aint' going anywhere) is garbage. it's like, Leinart, Tarvaris Jackson, Quinn (I think)....basically a bunch of 5-6 year veterans who haven't done dick in the NFL and whose contracts are up this year.

/and think how different that jets game is if dude doesn't DOINK two balls of the woodwork.
 
2012-12-04 01:41:37 PM
The Bengals can take solace in the fact that they are ranked higher than the Steelers while contemplating how it is that they're going to miss the playoffs at the hands of the aforementioned Steelers.
 
2012-12-04 01:42:32 PM
Warms my heart to see the Chargers have lost 7 of 8. Keep up the good work
 
2012-12-04 01:42:38 PM
WHAR GRAF
 
2012-12-04 01:44:29 PM
The team I can't figure out is the Rams. They have beaten some decent to good teams (the Redskins, Seahawks, and 49ers, plus a tie with the Niners), and yet have lost to teams like the Dolphins and Lions and gotten their asses handed to them by the farking Jets, of all teams. It seems like they are a team who could beat or lose to any given team. I'm sure glad I haven't been betting on their games.
 
2012-12-04 01:45:52 PM

Cyberluddite: It seems like they are a team who could beat or lose to any given team.


Same with the Cowboys.
 
2012-12-04 01:46:09 PM
And for simplicity's sake:
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com


And this week's edition
i.imgur.com
i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-04 01:47:43 PM
Anyone else think Breesus for The Jake? I think it'll be Breesus for The Jake.

/Has Breesus ever recieved The Jake before?
 
2012-12-04 01:47:59 PM

mootmah: WHAR GRAF


I know I did this last week (maybe I'll add it to the list of Things That Must Appear in an NFL Power Rankings Thread), but:
72unforcederrorswp.files.wordpress.com

I'M RIGHT FARKING HERE!
 
2012-12-04 01:48:49 PM

GAT_00: the Jags now replace the Chiefs as the team that sucks the worst

And we lost to them. Woo!


Dude, the Titans lost to the Colts last season, when they had Dan "0-16" Orlavsky playing QB. Let's face reality- the team we support is not very good.
 
2012-12-04 01:50:30 PM
So, is this gonna be the picks thread for the week now, or is there another one scheduled? I've got mine mostly done and ready to go...
 
2012-12-04 01:51:43 PM

Cyberluddite: The team I can't figure out is the Rams. They have beaten some decent to good teams (the Redskins, Seahawks, and 49ers, plus a tie with the Niners), and yet have lost to teams like the Dolphins and Lions and gotten their asses handed to them by the farking Jets, of all teams. It seems like they are a team who could beat or lose to any given team. I'm sure glad I haven't been betting on their games.


Clearly Fisher was very set on being great within the division - that's where all but one of their victories has come. And that one was a win against the Redskins sans Garcon, which are not a good team (5-1 with Garcon; 1-5 without).
 
2012-12-04 01:52:18 PM
i291.photobucket.com


Welcome back to the trivia game where the host is all hopped up on goofballs, the players are secretly masturbating to a photo of Robert Griffin III, and the questions are (mostly) unknowable! Hands off snakey for now, though, at least until round 3. We've got questions on QBs, Defenses, and WAGs. What are WAGs? Wives and Girlfriends of NFL players. Yep, this week is extra sexy. Not as sexy as the NFL Referee hand-signals but pretty close. Let's get started.

Three categories, 3 questions each. Feel free to answer in the thread. Answers will go up at 1:30 PM CST.

Name that QB:

1. The NFL average for completion percentage is 61.4%. Which NFL QB is the closest to the NFL average when it comes to completion percentage?
2. After a rough week, Drew Brees took the NFL lead in Interceptions. Wait, scratch that. Drew Brees is actually tied with someone at the top with 16 INTs. But who?
3. Nothing illustrates the bizarre Week 13 for QBs more than this player leading the week in completions.

Name that Defense:

1. This man stands over the body of the QB. He stands as the yang to offense's yin. He leads the NFL in sacks.
2. Stout defense should get the other team off the field on 3rd down. But what about 4th down? This team has only allowed 1 4th down conversion and allows the lowest percentage of 4th down conversions.
3. Interceptions are exciting. Pick sixes are even more exciting. 99 yard pick sixes are probably the most exciting defensive play to witness. This team has a 99 yard pick six this season.

Name that Hottie WAG

www.athleteswives.com
1. Which NFL player is this Wife and/or Girlfriend NFL married to?

styleboston.tv
2. Which NFL Head Coach is dating this WAG?

www.playerwives.com
3. This leggy WAG is married to which RB?


Alright! Pencils down, pants up. Answers go up in a half-hour or so.
 
2012-12-04 01:54:47 PM

rickythepenguin: the FA crop (outside of Flacco, who aint' going anywhere) is garbage. it's like, Leinart, Tarvaris Jackson, Quinn (I think)....basically a bunch of 5-6 year veterans who haven't done dick in the NFL and whose contracts are up this year.


Up here in NorCal some pundits seem to be wringing their hands about their pet theory that the 49ers will not pick up the option they hold for 2013 on Alex Smith's contract (they can pay him $1M in April and make him a free agent, or they can pay him $9M or some such amount to play for them in 2013), or that he'll somehow convince them to make him a free agent, and that he'll wind up with the Cards and make it his life's mission to exact renvenge on a division rival for dissing him over the course of his career.

I don't personally buy any of it. I expect both Smith and Kaep to be on the 49ers roster next year, regardless of who starts.
 
2012-12-04 01:55:02 PM

Treygreen13: 1. This man stands over the body of the QB. He stands as the yang to offense's yin. He leads the NFL in sacks.


J.J. WATT (just happened!)
 
2012-12-04 01:55:49 PM

scottydoesntknow: Treygreen13: 1. This man stands over the body of the QB. He stands as the yang to offense's yin. He leads the NFL in sacks.

J.J. WATT (just happened!)


Wait, dammit I'm wrong (where the hell did Aldon Smith come from?!)
 
2012-12-04 01:56:21 PM

scottydoesntknow: Treygreen13: 1. This man stands over the body of the QB. He stands as the yang to offense's yin. He leads the NFL in sacks.

J.J. WATT (just happened!)


Actually, no.
 
2012-12-04 01:56:29 PM
@ MDW -3 SEA 37.5
SEA cover


1-0, SEA by 6.


@ GRB -8 MSP 45.5
MSP cover

1-1. Pack by 9


SFO -7.5 @ STL 41
STL cover (yes, i know i'm picking dogs which is the loser's folly, but....those lines are all too high).

2-1. Rams by 3


@ LGA -6 PHX 36
once again, dog to cover

3-1.


CAR -3 @ MCI 40.5
I'm not picking MCI for the cheesy, melodramatic "let's win it for Johnny!" angle, but because I think MCI is due and CARO, not all that great. Cover here. Also, I pointed out last week Brady Quinn hasn't won game sine like, 12/16/09; as of last week it was something like 1,097 days. Wonder if that ends today.


4-1


@ DET -6 IND 51
Hmmm.......Hmmmm.............Jeez this would be what, 6 in a rw dogs to cover? Gonna pick IND to do so.

5-1, Colts by 2.


AT BUF -6 JAX 43.5
I'm surprised Rough Buff is getting six. I know JAX is nothing to be feared, but six? Hate to say it but picking cover.

gaaaaah. Rough Buff farked me, won by 16. 5-2.


BOS -7.5 @ MIA 51
This is easy. BOS loves to dryfark divisional opponents. BOS outright and the over.

Drat. 5-3, Pats by 7.


HOU -6.5 @ BNA 47
HOU outright.


6-3, Texans by 14 or some shiat.

@ DEN -7.5 TPA 50.5
very odd line. Not saying TPA is all that great (last week's win over NO likely sealed the South for ATL) and I don't know if they have the juice for a wild car run but....7.5 seems high. TPA cover
.

dammit. Donks by 8. 6-4.

@ BWI -7.5 PIT 35.5
No Ben, gotta say BWI outright. That said, the line is high (spesh for a 35.5 o/u).....I think this is within 10 points....jeez....talking myself into picking a PIT cover....but I'm not. I think BWI wins but not by more than 10. But I will say this is the one game (so far) that has me already thinking about maybe being wrong off the jump.

wow. 6-5. I like how i hedged though. did not see that coming.


CLE -2.5 @ OAK 38
CLE is quietly a better football team than tey appear. Postseason is likely done for them but they'll win handily todya.


well, 3 isn't "handily" but it counts. 7-5

CVG -1 @ San Dog 46
I'll say CVG outright. why not.


8-5, Bengs by 7


@ DFW -10.5 PHL 43
Huh? 10.5. 10.5 is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too high (The Star On the Helmet is good for 1.5 at least), thi line should be like, 10.5 is stupid high. PHI to cover.

9-5, Boys by 5

didn't pick last night and it's easy to MMQB this but I would have taken Wash on a cover.....not sure what the line was but I bet it was NYG by like, 4. Not claiming it but I would have taken them at home.
 
2012-12-04 01:57:08 PM
where jake whe
 
2012-12-04 01:57:15 PM
The Eagles are too damn high!
 
2012-12-04 02:00:15 PM
How the fark did THAT coach pull THAT caliber of tail?

/won't give away the answer just confused
 
2012-12-04 02:00:34 PM

near_starlet: I'm just gonna put this right here...

[thebiglead.fantasysportsven.netdna-cdn.com image 594x395]



Was at the game last night - one of the better games I've been to in a long, long while. Pissed they rank us in the middle of the league, but a win on Sunday will fix alll that :)


I'm a Redskins fan,and they should be ranked about middle of the league. Sure RG3 is amazing and teh offense looks good, but the defense, especially the utterly non-existent secondary is downright putrid. As to special teams, I'd say middling, though if the Redskins had started the season with Cobra Kai at kicker they'd have 1 more win at least, and might be edging into the top 10 power rankings.
 
2012-12-04 02:01:00 PM

scottydoesntknow: Anyone else think Breesus for The Jake? I think it'll be Breesus for The Jake.


It's a close one, but Brees still threw for 341 yards. It may finally be Ponder's long over due chance to win the Jake. He looked like a franchise QB when he took apart the 49ers, but he's been dreadful since then. Sure, he's got no recievers to throw to, but even at that, it's been exceptionally bad.
 
2012-12-04 02:02:44 PM

Cyberluddite: Up here in NorCal some pundits seem to be wringing their hands about their pet theory that the 49ers will not pick up the option they hold for 2013 on Alex Smith's contract (they can pay him $1M in April and make him a free agent, or they can pay him $9M or some such amount to play for them in 2013), or that he'll somehow convince them to make him a free agent, and that he'll wind up with the Cards and make it his life's mission to exact renvenge on a division rival for dissing him over the course of his career.



yeah, that's getting a fair amount of discussion in phoenix.....i don't know Smith's sitch well enough to know but Harbaugh isn't dumb enough to put all of his eggs in one basket, is he? The best headache to have in the NFL is two competent QBs (and of all NFL cities, SAN FREAKING FRANCISCO SHOULD KNOW THAT) as they were the Team of the 90s largely due to having a two-headed QB sitch.

some discussion of wehther we make a run at Vick. Hell no. cap hit alone.

i mean, back to Whiz, there's no guarantee Kolb is on the roster next year unless he redoes his deal. He;s due 9M base and has something like a 2 or 3M roster bonus.

i just get so godamned angry about how ineptly Whiz and Graves have drafted/FA'd at QB. WHEN THAT'S WHY WHIZ WAS HIRED. it is astounding.

and, there's a report that the defense (Nine Oh and Rhodes) got into a fight postgame. You'd think the defense was fighting the offense, but apparently, the defense got into it. bad times.
 
2012-12-04 02:03:23 PM

Treygreen13: 99 yard pick sixes are probably the most exciting defensive play to witness. This team has a 99 yard pick six this season.


Huh. And with that defense, too.
 
2012-12-04 02:05:01 PM

mootmah: WHAR GRAF


She's too busy chiding me for being non-cheery on FB at the moment. Heh.
 
2012-12-04 02:05:53 PM

Treygreen13: 1. Which NFL player is this Wife and/or Girlfriend NFL married to?


Probably shouldn't call the image "Alex-Smith-wife" if you want it to be tough to guess.

scottydoesntknow: Wait, dammit I'm wrong (where the hell did Aldon Smith come from?!)


Smith recorded 5.5 sacks when the 49ers played the Bears and that vaulted him into the lead.
 
2012-12-04 02:07:01 PM

neuroflare: How the fark did THAT coach pull THAT caliber of tail?

/won't give away the answer just confused


Money.


Also, it's easy to name the wives when the photo url includes either their names, or in the case of the first one, the player's name.
 
2012-12-04 02:07:07 PM

thecpt: And for simplicity's sake:
[i.imgur.com image 800x749]
[i.imgur.com image 789x1269]
[i.imgur.com image 779x1303]
[i.imgur.com image 800x1032]


And this week's edition
[i.imgur.com image 850x1242]
[i.imgur.com image 776x1500]


Excellent Work
 
2012-12-04 02:07:28 PM

Treygreen13: 3. This leggy WAG is married to which RB?


Since her last name is Foster, I'm going to guess Arian Foster.
QB No. 2 is Philip Rivers.
 
2012-12-04 02:08:10 PM
1. Bradford
2. Rivers
3. Quinn

1. Watt (Hou)
2. Niners
3. Saints

1. J. Campbell
2. Belichick
3. F. Jackson (Buf)
 
2012-12-04 02:09:35 PM
Not every undefeated team deserves a playoff bid. That's why there's the Fifth Weekennial Official Unofficial NFL Colley Rankings and Tier List!

You want to know the difference between human pollsters and emotionless computers? Scroll down to the bottom. ESPN gave the Chiefs a reprieve from dead last (no pun intended, you horrible person) after winning the Jovan Belcher Kasandra Perkins Memorial Bowl. The Matrix said "fark that, you still suck." Though they did at least play their way out of the Shiat Tier.

Otherwise, no major surprises. The four teams that have clinched are in the top five. The three teams that have... anti-clinched?... are at the bottom. And in a relatively rare occurrence, the twelve teams that would go to the playoffs if the season ended today are in the top twelve positions. (To put that in perspective, when Seattle made their Trollhawk run a couple years back, they finished the regular season ranked #22.)

Now then, here are some numbers and team names. As always, a plus means the computer rank is higher than the pollsters' and a minus means vice versa.

God Tier (2.0 < Z)
1) Houston Texans
Top Tier (1.5 < Z < 2.0)
2) Atlanta Falcons
Very High Tier (1.0 < Z < 1.5)
3) New England Patriots
4) San Francisco 49ers
5) Denver Broncos
6) Green Bay Packers (+1)
7) Baltimore Ravens (-1)
8) Chicago Bears
High Tier (0.5 < Z < 1.0)
9) Indianapolis Colts
10) Seattle Seahawks (+2)
Upper Mid Tier (0.0 < Z < 0.5)
11) New York Giants (-1)
12) Pittsburgh Steelers (+1)
13) St. Louis Rams (+6)
14) Cincinnati Bengals (-3)
15) Minnesota Vikings (+2)
16) New York Jets (+6)
Lower Mid Tier (-0.5 < Z < 0.0)
17) Dallas Cowboys (-1)
18) Washington Redskins (-4)
19) Miami Dolphins (+1)
20) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-5)
21) Buffalo Bills (+2)
22) New Orleans Saints (-4)
Low Tier (-1.0 < Z < -0.5)
23) Arizona Cardinals (+4)
24) Tennessee Titans (+2)
25) Detroit Lions (-4)
26) Cleveland Browns (-2)
Very Low Tier (-1.5 < Z < -1.0)
27) San Diego Chargers (-2)
28) Carolina Panthers
29) Philadelphia Eagles (+1)
30) Jacksonville Jaguars (+2)
31) Oakland Raiders (-2)
Bottom Tier (-2.0 < Z < -1.5)
32) Kansas City Chiefs (-1)
S#!t Tier (Z < -2.0)
(none)


Charts: Original Ratings | Normalized Ratings | Power Rankings
 
2012-12-04 02:09:47 PM

NewWorldDan: scottydoesntknow: Anyone else think Breesus for The Jake? I think it'll be Breesus for The Jake.

It's a close one, but Brees still threw for 341 yards. It may finally be Ponder's long over due chance to win the Jake. He looked like a franchise QB when he took apart the 49ers, but he's been dreadful since then. Sure, he's got no recievers to throw to, but even at that, it's been exceptionally bad.


That's not how The Jake works. The Jake is based on turnovers, and turnovers alone, in recognition of Jake Delhomme's 6 turnover preformance(5 INT, 1 FUM in a playoff game on his birthday). The only options for this week are Brees(5 INT) or Locker(3 INT 2 FUM), as they both had 5 turnovers. No one else can win it.
 
2012-12-04 02:10:21 PM

scottydoesntknow: Anyone else think Breesus for The Jake? I think it'll be Breesus for The Jake.
/Has Breesus ever recieved The Jake before?


Ordinarily, anybody who throws 5 picks in a game would have to be considered a shoo-in, but he might have some competition from Mark Sanchez this week. Just take a look at Sanchez's stats:

C/ATT: 10/21
YDS: 97
INT: 3
RATING: 21.4

Of course, Sanchez's opponent in that game--and last week's Jake winner--wasn't a lot better, and in some respects was even more incompetent:

C/ATT: 10/31
YDS: 72
INT: 1
RATING: 28.0

Compared to those stats, Breesus's numbers don't look quite as pathetic as they should--at least he picked up some yardage and mixed in some completions amongst his 5 INTs:

C/ATT: 28/50
YDS: 341
INT: 5
RATING: 37.6

Still, it would be nice to see Breesus join the honored ranks of recipients of The Jake. But it's a tight competition this week for sure.
 
2012-12-04 02:10:33 PM

IAmRight: Treygreen13: 3. This leggy WAG is married to which RB?

Since her last name is Foster, I'm going to guess Arian Foster.
QB No. 2 is Philip Rivers.


It sort of ruins the purpose of guessing people if you're peeking at file names. :P I don't care enough to re-host pictures of WAGs.
 
2012-12-04 02:10:52 PM

thecpt: And without further ado, thecpt and Bunny Deville present to you This Week's version of The FAIL

For those who missed it last night, here is the inaugural fail


That's tasty.

WHAR GRAF!?!?!? WHAR!?!?!?!?

WHAR JAKE!?!?!?! WHAR!?!?!?!?!
 
2012-12-04 02:11:34 PM

VTGremlin: NewWorldDan: scottydoesntknow: Anyone else think Breesus for The Jake? I think it'll be Breesus for The Jake.

It's a close one, but Brees still threw for 341 yards. It may finally be Ponder's long over due chance to win the Jake. He looked like a franchise QB when he took apart the 49ers, but he's been dreadful since then. Sure, he's got no recievers to throw to, but even at that, it's been exceptionally bad.

That's not how The Jake works. The Jake is based on turnovers, and turnovers alone, in recognition of Jake Delhomme's 6 turnover preformance(5 INT, 1 FUM in a playoff game on his birthday). The only options for this week are Brees(5 INT) or Locker(3 INT 2 FUM), as they both had 5 turnovers. No one else can win it.


And it really has to be Breesus or robsul82 will never live it down.
 
2012-12-04 02:11:52 PM
The Jags have finally fallen all the way to the bottom.

Sigh.
 
2012-12-04 02:12:51 PM
WHAR Harv2B's picks WHAR?
 
2012-12-04 02:14:29 PM

Bunny Deville: The Jags have finally fallen all the way to the bottom.

Sigh.


Only way is up from there!

upload.wikimedia.org

/Owned that on cassette single
 
2012-12-04 02:15:25 PM

xaks: So, is this gonna be the picks thread for the week now, or is there another one scheduled? I've got mine mostly done and ready to go...


Picks reviewed here, picks are generally posted for the following week in the Sunday thread. Thursday picks usually show up in the Thursday game thread.
 
2012-12-04 02:15:42 PM
People, people. Turnovers are the only thing that matter in The Jake, unless there is a tie. It doesn't matter if QB #1 goes 27/32 with 4 TDs and 5 INTs and QB #2 goes 3/40 with 0TDs and 4 INTs. Unless QB #1 with his 5 picks wins the game and therefore gets a "winners exemption" like Matt Ryan did versus the Cardinals, he wins The Jake every time. Stats don't matter.
 
2012-12-04 02:15:42 PM
Name that QB:

1. The NFL average for completion percentage is 61.4%. Which NFL QB is the closest to the NFL average when it comes to completion percentage? Drew Brees?
2. After a rough week, Drew Brees took the NFL lead in Interceptions. Wait, scratch that. Drew Brees is actually tied with someone at the top with 16 INTs. But who? Andrew Luck. That one was too easy
3. Nothing illustrates the bizarre Week 13 for QBs more than this player leading the week in completions. Mark Sanchez? Oh wait you said completions... um, since it's "bizarre", I'll say Charlie Batch

Name that Defense:

1. This man stands over the body of the QB. He stands as the yang to offense's yin. He leads the NFL in sacks. Aldon Smith
2. Stout defense should get the other team off the field on 3rd down. But what about 4th down? This team has only allowed 1 4th down conversion and allows the lowest percentage of 4th down conversions.Umm, Philly? My guess is teams haven't had to try for a 4th down play against them in a while
3. Interceptions are exciting. Pick sixes are even more exciting. 99 yard pick sixes are probably the most exciting defensive play to witness. This team has a 99 yard pick six this season. That was the Saints a few weeks ago by Robinson. They only played the highlight 100 times.

I'll skip the WAG section.
 
2012-12-04 02:16:11 PM

Cyberluddite: Ordinarily, anybody who throws 5 picks in a game would have to be considered a shoo-in, but he might have some competition from Mark Sanchez this week. Just take a look at Sanchez's stats:


The Jake is concerned only with turnovers. It doesn't even matter how the turnovers happened unless there's a tie.
 
2012-12-04 02:18:33 PM

LucklessWonder: WHAR Harv2B's picks WHAR?


So, I'm not the only one that reads those.

Oh, and at least the Lions played like they weren't in high school for most of the game. That's 2 weeks in a row, a new record, even though they lost both.

/relurk
 
2012-12-04 02:19:02 PM

Dr Dreidel: Treygreen13: 99 yard pick sixes are probably the most exciting defensive play to witness. This team has a 99 yard pick six this season.

Huh. And with that defense, too.


Carson Palmer strikes again.


VTGremlin: The only options for this week are Brees(5 INT) or Locker(3 INT 2 FUM), as they both had 5 turnovers. No one else can win it.


And I would vote that Brees gets an honorary 6th turnover for the way the 1st half ended.
 
2012-12-04 02:19:42 PM

Treygreen13: Cyberluddite: Ordinarily, anybody who throws 5 picks in a game would have to be considered a shoo-in, but he might have some competition from Mark Sanchez this week. Just take a look at Sanchez's stats:

The Jake is concerned only with turnovers. It doesn't even matter how the turnovers happened unless there's a tie.


That's true. Never mind. Breesus it is, then.
 
2012-12-04 02:20:09 PM

Treygreen13: Cyberluddite: Ordinarily, anybody who throws 5 picks in a game would have to be considered a shoo-in, but he might have some competition from Mark Sanchez this week. Just take a look at Sanchez's stats:

The Jake is concerned only with turnovers. It doesn't even matter how the turnovers happened unless there's a tie.


I didn't see locker play (3 int, 2Fum?) and considering one int wasn't Brees's fault and the other one was practically a junk lob, does Locker deserve it more?
 
2012-12-04 02:20:26 PM

VTGremlin: People, people. Turnovers are the only thing that matter in The Jake, unless there is a tie. It doesn't matter if QB #1 goes 27/32 with 4 TDs and 5 INTs and QB #2 goes 3/40 with 0TDs and 4 INTs. Unless QB #1 with his 5 picks wins the game and therefore gets a "winners exemption" like Matt Ryan did versus the Cardinals, he wins The Jake every time. Stats don't matter.


Well, you do have to have tiebreakers.

/it's closer to Brees' birthday (January) than Locker's birthday (June)
//if Aaron Rodgers would've gone full Jake, it was his actual birthday, so it would've been as close as he can possibly go to perfect Delhomme
///however, not a playoff game, so not possible
////it is possible for Brees to go full Delhomme
///though in fairness, Brett Favre turned the ball over 6 times in a playoff game before it was cool
 
2012-12-04 02:20:34 PM
John Clayton: Andrew Luck may go down as the greatest rookie quarterback in NFL history.

WTF is he smoking because I'll have some of that. Now... I love Andrew Luck. I think he's very good, gonna get better, and I'd be nothing less than super duper excited about the future of my team if my team had the guy. But greatest rookie qb in NFL history? I don't know if Clayton looks at the stats on the website he works for, but there's two rookie qb's this year alone who have markedly better numbers than the deserving esteemed Mr. Luck. And they've been playing football a good long while. It would take a while to look all this shiat up but at this point of the season I'm not sure Luck cracks the top ten seasons by a rookie qb, let alone best of all time.
 
2012-12-04 02:20:40 PM
GRAFS AND JAKES!

Love the new TEH FAIL thing too.

/
 
2012-12-04 02:21:17 PM

Misplaced yat: Dr Dreidel: Treygreen13: 99 yard pick sixes are probably the most exciting defensive play to witness. This team has a 99 yard pick six this season.

Huh. And with that defense, too.

Carson Palmer strikes again.


VTGremlin: The only options for this week are Brees(5 INT) or Locker(3 INT 2 FUM), as they both had 5 turnovers. No one else can win it.

And I would vote that Brees gets an honorary 6th turnover for the way the 1st half ended.


Breesus was an offsides penalty away from going Full Jake, actually.
 
2012-12-04 02:22:07 PM

Treygreen13:
Name that QB:

1. The NFL average for completion percentage is 61.4%. Which NFL QB is the closest to the NFL average when it comes to completion percentage? - Flacco
2. After a rough week, Drew Brees took the NFL lead in Interceptions. Wait, scratch that. Drew Brees is actually tied with someone at the top with 16 INTs. But who? - Romo
3. Nothing illustrates the bizarre Week 13 for QBs more than this player leading the week in completions. - RG3

Name that Defense:

1. This man stands over the body of the QB. He stands as the yang to offense's yin. He leads the NFL in sacks. - JJ Swat
2. Stout defense should get the other team off the field on 3rd down. But what about 4th down? This team has only allowed 1 4th down conversion and allows the lowest percentage of 4th down conversions. - ATL
3. Interceptions are exciting. Pick sixes are even more exciting. 99 yard pick sixes are probably the most exciting defensive play to witness. This team has a 99 yard pick six this season. - Bengals

Name that Hottie WAG

[www.athleteswives.com image 217x341]
1. Which NFL player is this Wife and/or Girlfriend NFL married to? - Tony Gonzalez

[styleboston.tv image 200x300]
2. Which NFL Head Coach is dating this WAG? - Belichick

[www.playerwives.com image 450x310]
3. This leggy WAG is married to which RB? - Arian Foster


Alright! Pencils down, pants up. Answers go up in a half-hour or so.

 
2012-12-04 02:22:07 PM

Misplaced yat: And I would vote that Brees gets an honorary 6th turnover for the way the 1st half ended.


yeha, that was pretty damn remarkable.

i forget down and distance but.....had that been Rivers or Cutler, he'd still be getting killed for that.
 
2012-12-04 02:22:43 PM

Misplaced yat: Carson Palmer Michael Vick strikes again.


Remembering the wrong pick-6 game. Strange, as the team isn't exactly racking them up here recently. :P
 
2012-12-04 02:22:46 PM

Misplaced yat: Dr Dreidel: Treygreen13: 99 yard pick sixes are probably the most exciting defensive play to witness. This team has a 99 yard pick six this season.

Huh. And with that defense, too.

Carson Palmer strikes again.


VTGremlin: The only options for this week are Brees(5 INT) or Locker(3 INT 2 FUM), as they both had 5 turnovers. No one else can win it.

And I would vote that Brees gets an honorary 6th turnover for the way the 1st half ended.


THE FAIL addressed Breesus and his clock issues. That's what it is for- to celebrate acts of stupidity other than turnovers.
 
2012-12-04 02:23:24 PM

Treygreen13: Breesus was an offsides penalty away from going Full Jake, actually.


Not really. There would have been no follow-up INT without the offsides. Still would have only thrown 5.
 
2012-12-04 02:25:04 PM

Treygreen13: Breesus was an offsides penalty away from going Full Jake, actually.


INTs 5.0 and 5.1 happened on consecutive plays in the same drive, in the same desperate late-game situation. They shouldn't be counted separately.
 
2012-12-04 02:25:14 PM

Cyberluddite: rickythepenguin: ***snip***


I don't think it matter who is under center if the O-line doesn't improve.
 
2012-12-04 02:26:19 PM

JohnBigBootay: WTF is he smoking because I'll have some of that. Now... I love Andrew Luck. I think he's very good, gonna get better, and I'd be nothing less than super duper excited about the future of my team if my team had the guy. But greatest rookie qb in NFL history? I don't know if Clayton looks at the stats on the website he works for, but there's two rookie qb's this year alone who have markedly better numbers than the deserving esteemed Mr. Luck. And they've been playing football a good long while. It would take a while to look all this shiat up but at this point of the season I'm not sure Luck cracks the top ten seasons by a rookie qb, let alone best of all time.

Shhhh

don't let anyone know that Russell Wilson leads the NFL in QBR since Week 5, when they actually started opening up the playbook a little. Also, we have the NFL itself tweeting that Griffin III has the fewest INTs since Week 11 with 1 (because Wilson's 0 in that timeframe is more than 1, apparently).

It's okay. Let them keep building up the hype for everyone else. Let Simmons jump off the bandwagon before the Bears game. GIVE US THE POWER OF NOBODY BELIEVED IN US!
 
2012-12-04 02:27:13 PM

Zafler: LucklessWonder: WHAR Harv2B's picks WHAR?

So, I'm not the only one that reads those.

/relurk


I read 'em too. I'm usually pretty busy on Sunday, and I don't have cable so miss the Monday night game. His picks are like nice little re-caps of some of the action I missed, and often prod me to go look up some highlight video online of certain games.

Also:
Last week or maybe the one before that I may have expressed some doubt/concern/nervousness about Russell Wilson. A farker (IAmRight maybe?) set me straight, and that was only confirmed in their game this week. Yay hawks.
 
2012-12-04 02:28:24 PM
Jake Jake Jake

Attica Attica Attica
 
2012-12-04 02:29:25 PM

IAmRight: JohnBigBootay: WTF is he smoking because I'll have some of that. Now... I love Andrew Luck. I think he's very good, gonna get better, and I'd be nothing less than super duper excited about the future of my team if my team had the guy. But greatest rookie qb in NFL history? I don't know if Clayton looks at the stats on the website he works for, but there's two rookie qb's this year alone who have markedly better numbers than the deserving esteemed Mr. Luck. And they've been playing football a good long while. It would take a while to look all this shiat up but at this point of the season I'm not sure Luck cracks the top ten seasons by a rookie qb, let alone best of all time.

Shhhh don't let anyone know that Russell Wilson leads the NFL in QBR since Week 5, when they actually started opening up the playbook a little. Also, we have the NFL itself tweeting that Griffin III has the fewest INTs since Week 11 with 1 (because Wilson's 0 in that timeframe is more than 1, apparently).

It's okay. Let them keep building up the hype for everyone else. Let Simmons jump off the bandwagon before the Bears game. GIVE US THE POWER OF NOBODY BELIEVED IN US!


I work with Russell Wilson's father-in-law and even he would admit that RG3 is the more electric QB right now.
 
2012-12-04 02:31:43 PM

punishmentforshoplifting: I work with Russell Wilson's father-in-law and even he would admit that RG3 is the more electric QB right now.


Oh, I thought we were talking about great, not electric. My bad.

/and you clearly haven't seen the Seahawks uniforms
 
2012-12-04 02:32:05 PM

Treygreen13: Three categories, 3 questions each. Feel free to answer in the thread. Answers will go up at 1:30 PM CST.

Name that QB:

1. The NFL average for completion percentage is 61.4%. Which NFL QB is the closest to the NFL average when it comes to completion percentage?
2. After a rough week, Drew Brees took the NFL lead in Interceptions. Wait, scratch that. Drew Brees is actually tied with someone at the top with 16 INTs. But who?
3. Nothing illustrates the bizarre Week 13 for QBs more than this player leading the week in completions. Breesus
Name that Defense:

1. This man stands over the body of the QB. He stands as the yang to offense's yin. He leads the NFL in sacks. Aldon Smith
2. Stout defense should get the other team off the field on 3rd down. But what about 4th down? This team has only allowed 1 4th down conversion and allows the lowest percentage of 4th down conversions.
3. Interceptions are exciting. Pick sixes are even more exciting. 99 yard pick sixes are probably the most exciting defensive play to witness. This team has a 99 yard pick six this season.

Name that Hottie WAG

[www.athleteswives.com image 217x341]
1. Which NFL player is this Wife and/or Girlfriend NFL married to? Alex Smith

[styleboston.tv image 200x300]
2. Which NFL Head Coach is dating this WAG?

[www.playerwives.com image 450x310]
3. This leggy WAG is married to which RB?


Without cheating and looking them up, I'm only fairly confident about one answer in each category, so those are the only three I'm going to answer.
 
2012-12-04 02:32:06 PM

Cyberluddite: scottydoesntknow: ***snip***


There are only 2 stats that award the Jake, did the QB lose (a win is an auto-exemption) and did they have the most turnovers individually. If there is a tie on turnovers, then, and only then, will other factors be considered.
 
2012-12-04 02:34:26 PM

IAmRight: punishmentforshoplifting: I work with Russell Wilson's father-in-law and even he would admit that RG3 is the more electric QB right now.

Oh, I thought we were talking about great, not electric. My bad.

/and you clearly haven't seen the Seahawks uniforms


Touche.
 
2012-12-04 02:34:26 PM

JohnBigBootay: John Clayton: Andrew Luck may go down as the greatest rookie quarterback in NFL history.

WTF is he smoking because I'll have some of that. Now... I love Andrew Luck. I think he's very good, gonna get better, and I'd be nothing less than super duper excited about the future of my team if my team had the guy. But greatest rookie qb in NFL history? I don't know if Clayton looks at the stats on the website he works for, but there's two rookie qb's this year alone who have markedly better numbers than the deserving esteemed Mr. Luck. And they've been playing football a good long while. It would take a while to look all this shiat up but at this point of the season I'm not sure Luck cracks the top ten seasons by a rookie qb, let alone best of all time.



Robert Griffin III, WSH 218/325 (67.1%) 2,660 17TD 4INT QBR 104.4
Russell Wilson, SEA 201/317 (63.4%) 2,344 19TD 8INT QBR 95.2
Andrew Luck, IND 279/503 (55.5%) 3,596 17TD 16INT QBR 76.1


Back in the shallow end, Johnny. RGIII is +13 in TD/INT, Wilson +11, and Luck a Sanchezian +1 through 13 games. Yeah, Luck has a ton more pass yards but also almost 200 more attempts than either, so that's expected.
 
2012-12-04 02:38:03 PM

IAmRight: From another Sando article:

"The Seahawks' opponents have made all 18 field-goal tries, making Seattle the only team in the NFL yet to benefit from an opponent's miss through Week 13."

No wonder it feels like we never catch a f*cking break on those.


I wonder if there's some kind of record for opponents' points per play by the field goal unit -- the Seahawks are at 60/19, or about 3.2 (54 on 18 attempts, plus 6 on a fake - unless there was an unsuccessful fake I've forgotten about).
 
2012-12-04 02:38:33 PM

Treygreen13: 2. The stingiest 4th down defense? The surprising Seattle Seahawks.


DAMMIT I was going to guess them. Should've now that I look at the question. And yeah, our 3rd down defense f*cking sucks.

/it may be tough to convert a 4th down against us, but no one has missed a FG against us all year!
//which makes Lovie's decision to go for it look even dumber
 
2012-12-04 02:40:35 PM

IAmRight: JohnBigBootay: ***snip***
It's okay. Let them keep building up the hype for everyone else. Let Simmons jump off the bandwagon before the Bears game. GIVE US THE POWER OF NOBODY BELIEVED IN US!


If he recreates this glorious/terrible moment in GB/SEA history, I will tout him as the greatest rookie QB in NFL history.
 
2012-12-04 02:41:08 PM

IAmRight: DAMMIT I was going to guess them. Should've now that I look at the question. And yeah, our 3rd down defense f*cking sucks.


The Seahawks are 4/5 in stopping 4th down conversions. The worst? The Miami Dolphins, who have only stopped 1 out of 10 4th down attempts.
 
2012-12-04 02:41:53 PM

roc6783: If he recreates this glorious/terrible moment in GB/SEA history, I will tout him as the greatest rookie QB in NFL history.


Well, supposedly he said similar words...but to his team rather than into the mic.

/Matt Flynn earned his contract by winning the coin toss
//even former Packers say "f*ck the Bears!"
 
2012-12-04 02:43:20 PM

roc6783: I don't think it matter who is under center if the O-line doesn't improve.



true. starting 2 rookies, and lost a veteran in training camp and 5-6yr starter Sendlein last week. to call it "patchwork" would be generous.

i think he might have been benched, but we had a guy start the first 8+ games....nevermind that had been out of football for like, 2 years. that's how bad the line is. he (eitehr Bastiste or Massie) was a UFA that bounced around something like 5 teams in 6 years, and hadn't played since Denver released him circa 2010 or 2011.

that is hwo bad it was.

and i feel bad for people giving up on Lindley. He was a 6th rounder, as i recall, and it was just his second start. give the guy a sample size to make a determination.
 
2012-12-04 02:44:36 PM

Treygreen13: The Seahawks are 4/5 in stopping 4th down conversions. The worst? The Miami Dolphins, who have only stopped 1 out of 10 4th down attempts.


And that one successful one was the fake FG by the Rams. Goddammit.
 
2012-12-04 02:44:40 PM
The Eagles are where they should be. This is the worst I have ever seen this team since I got into football.
 
2012-12-04 02:45:13 PM

rickythepenguin: and i feel bad for people giving up on Lindley. He was a 6th rounder, as i recall, and it was just his second start. give the guy a sample size to make a determination.


Indeed.

/mostly so we can ensure a Seattle win this week
 
2012-12-04 02:50:38 PM
I admit that I eagerly await this week's presentation of "The Jake". It's a titillating decision.
 
2012-12-04 02:51:07 PM
Seahawks fourth-down fun facts:

The Seahawks have converted their last six fourth-down attempts, and haven't been stuffed on an attempt since the San Francisco game.
The Seahawks have failed to attempt a fourth-down conversion in only two games this season, both of which were losses (Rams and Dolphins).
The Seahawks have allowed zero fourth-down conversions by an opponent's offense.
The Seahawks have allowed every single FG attempt to be converted into points (18 FGs and one TD).
 
2012-12-04 02:52:05 PM

IAmRight: /mostly so we can ensure a Seattle win this week


Huh. I haven't been to a game yet this year....hmmm....

SEA @ PHX....gonna call that.....SEA by.....uhhmmm......3.5. no way that is more than 5.

/whiz as far as i know hasn't said who starts, and there is a small chance Kolb plays as he practiced last week. not tha tKolb changes anything hugely, but, just saying.
 
2012-12-04 02:52:34 PM

Treygreen13: ***snip***


I am not sure what it says about me that every single answer was a guess and the only 2 that I got right were WAGs. To be fair though, the 2 I did get right were educated guess because ESPN of NFL Network had a segment on WAGs a few weeks ago.
 
2012-12-04 02:53:38 PM

shizbgby_v2: The Eagles are where they should be. This is the worst I have ever seen this team since I got into football.


Bunny Deville: The Jags have finally fallen all the way to the bottom.

Sigh.


The Iggles season in one pic

brutalgamer.com

Painful.
 
2012-12-04 02:53:41 PM

rickythepenguin: SEA @ PHX....gonna call that.....SEA by.....uhhmmm......3.5. no way that is more than 5.



whoa! 10.5!

1) i know we suck but....10.5? come on.
2) actually i don't have a second point.

10.5. I should lock that down now before it falls to like, 7. 10.5? come on man.
 
2012-12-04 02:54:02 PM

mitchcumstein1: The Chiefs are the worst team in the league, and it's not close. After this shiatshow last weekend I would make the argument that they may very well be the worst franchise in sports.


They are certainly in the running for the most miserable season of any team in sports history, taking into account on-field performance, off-the-field events and expectations heading into the season (quite a few people, myself included, thought they could be a stealth contender; everyone knew the Lions were going to suck the year they went 0-16). I think the way to clinch the title for good is if Jacksonville gets the #1 pick.
 
2012-12-04 02:54:51 PM
shizbgby_v2: The Eagles are where they should be. This is the worst I have ever seen this team since I got into football.

The Jags beat the Eagles two weeks ago and the Chiefs won Sunday. Don't let the scoring against Dallas' weak defense fool you: the disintegrating Eagles are, right now, the worst team in the NFL.
 
2012-12-04 02:56:29 PM

rickythepenguin: whoa! 10.5!

1) i know we suck but....10.5? come on.
2) actually i don't have a second point.

10.5. I should lock that down now before it falls to like, 7. 10.5? come on man.


You realize it's in Seattle, right? We've already played all our road division games. Now it's time for you b*tches to come to us.
 
2012-12-04 02:57:14 PM
TheOther: shizbgby_v2: The Eagles are where they should be. This is the worst I have ever seen this team since I got into football.

The Jags Panthers beat the Eagles two weeks ago and the Chiefs won Sunday. Don't let the scoring against Dallas' weak defense fool you: the disintegrating Eagles are, right now, the worst team in the NFL.


GAWDDAM it.
 
2012-12-04 02:57:27 PM

roc6783: To be fair though, the 2 I did get right were educated guess because ESPN of NFL Network had a segment on WAGs a few weeks ago.


And you got one wrong that HAD THE ANSWER IN THE URL.
 
2012-12-04 02:58:52 PM

roc6783: I am not sure what it says about me that every single answer was a guess and the only 2 that I got right were WAGs.


It says you're a normal human being who follows football but doesn't get bogged down by minutiae. I didn't know most of these either because they're not really something you'd pick up unless you happen to be watching a game in which that stat is spoken, or occurs. I probably spend 30 minutes just browsing through stats until something jumps out at me.

When I grab stats I try to grab anomalies or things that stand contrary to the current narrative of sports coverage. Like Andrew Luck having the most INTs and being in the bottom 5 of the league in completion percentage. You'd never, ever think that was him because of the way media covers him... unless you watch the Colts or happen to have looked up his stats.

Now, of course, that's not to say that Luck isn't a benefit to his team or that he'll never be any good. Just that sportscasters don't really care about stats when they get a player they like. That's why I started doing this in the first place, to get people actually looking at the performances behind the hype.
 
2012-12-04 02:59:13 PM
In other news, I'm pretty sure Peyton is recovering from that career-ending injury. Sure, he may be only 80 percent back, but he's slowly making progress. I think that in due time, he may yet again prove to be an elite QB before he retires.
 
2012-12-04 03:00:31 PM

IAmRight: And you got one wrong that HAD THE ANSWER IN THE URL.


Well not everyone reads the URLs.
 
2012-12-04 03:00:56 PM

rickythepenguin: roc6783: ***snip***


The Packers have 1 backup O-lineman. I have not checked to see if they updated Lang's status, but wow, they are in a world of trouble if someone else goes down. Not that the line was playing well before. Wonder what Mark Tauscher and Chad Clifton are up to...not that either would be an improvement over whoever goes down next, just that they might be as good as that guy's back up.
 
2012-12-04 03:01:29 PM

roc6783: rickythepenguin: roc6783: ***snip***

The Packers have 1 backup O-lineman. I have not checked to see if they updated Lang's status, but wow, they are in a world of trouble if someone else goes down. Not that the line was playing well before. Wonder what Mark Tauscher and Chad Clifton are up to...not that either would be an improvement over whoever goes down next, just that they might be as good as that guy's back up.


You can have Doug Free. Please take him. Please.
 
2012-12-04 03:01:50 PM

had98c: mootmah: WHAR GRAF

She's too busy chiding me for being non-cheery on FB at the moment. Heh.


I mean really, how dare you!???

i.imgur.com

Ohgawd, that cat, I can't even take it!

OK here GRAF1:

i.imgur.com


Linky popper to bigger

Useless metadata:

Change from Week 1 to this week :
One 23 point drop: Eagles
The next most drastic drop is the Chiefs, with 15 spots.
One 23 point jump: Colts
The next most drastic jump is the Vikings, with 13

Two teams ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE (back at their Week 1 rankings): 49ers & Ravens

Number of times rankings have changed:
4 teams have changed every week: Chargers, Cowboys, Rams, Dolphins
1 team has moved 4x: Jaguars
(All the same as last week, except add another move to the Jags)

Difference between high rank & low rank:
Lowest fluctuation: Jaguars with 3
Highest fluctuation: Eagles & Colts both with 23, but in opposite directions
Average fluctuation: 11.56

Overall fluctuation travel:
Smallest: Jaguars with 5
Highest: Saints & Colts with 47

Teams hitting their highest rank this week: Broncos, Redskins, Browns, & Colts
Teams hitting their lowest rank this week: Lions, Chargers, Cardinals, & Jags
Seven teams did not change rank:

Five teams have held the #1 spot
 
2012-12-04 03:02:01 PM
Moving up to #5... THE DENVER BRONCOS!!! XD

i1182.photobucket.comi1182.photobucket.comi1182.photobucket.comi1182.photobucket.comi1182.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-04 03:03:08 PM

roc6783: Wonder what Mark Tauscher and Chad Clifton are up to...not that either would be an improvement over whoever goes down next, just that they might be as good as that guy's back up.


You could try seeing if the NCAA says it's okay to use the Wisconsin linemen as part of their bowl practices.

/don't know if their line is good this year, just basing it off of tradition
 
2012-12-04 03:03:21 PM

IAmRight: You realize it's in Seattle, right? We've already played all our road division games. Now it's time for you b*tches to come to us.



shiat.....i thougth I saw @ ARIZ.

yeah, @ SEA, I'd go higher but even 10.5 seems high. Not stupid high, but high. I would have said 8, 8.5. which is where it ends up i bet.
 
2012-12-04 03:05:22 PM
Damn, so we've spent the last SIX weeks at either 12 or 13 after having been the most volatile team in the standings for the first few weeks of the season. :/
 
2012-12-04 03:06:42 PM
Friends,

We are gathered here today to celebrate a remarkable achievement, if by "celebrate" you mean "mourn" and by "achievement" you mean "tragedy that makes the Holocaust and 9/11 combined look like puppies running through a field of cotton candy with rainbows shooting out of their asses." Truly, the seriousness of this absurdly repugnant event cannot be understated. The horror of this happening cannot be downplayed nor put into proper context, as there is no proper context.

The Tuskegee experiment, in which the United States government knowingly infected six hundred indigent African Americans with syphilis while telling them that they were getting free healthcare?

Drew Brees threw five interceptions.

The citizens of Hiroshima and Nagasaki after the atomic bombs were dropped, scores of skeletons strewn across their cities with the flesh seared from their skulls and still others turned into mere shadows on the sidewalk?

Drew Brees threw five interceptions.

The murders of Abraham Lincoln, John and Robert Kennedy, Martin Luther King...all good men and great leaders with so much work still to be done and cut down before they could accomplish any of it by those so filled with hate that they would deprive the world of any future works they might have yet achieved?

DREW BREES THREW FIVE INTERCEPTIONS AND LOST HIS RECORD TOUCHDOWN PASS STREAK AGAINST THE ATLANTA FALCONS DURING A PLAYOFF CHASE!

Speaking honestly, I can certainly say I was disconsolate directly after that game was done. Understandable, I'd think, considering the Delhomme Rating that was notched. 66.7 is typically good enough to secure the trophy. In fact, there have been plenty of occasions in which 50.0 was the winner - fark, notoriously there was even that week where 33.3 was the high water mark and somehow procured an award for the week's victor.

Having simply to sit through all those games yet to be played seemed another torture test. As if serving the fiendish plot of a ginger-headed douchebag wearing a suit straight out of the JCPenney catalogue for husky preteens, this game had happened on Thursday. Plenty of opportunities to be bested, sure, but this...six turnovers. It was simply asking too much, even of the typical Jake candidates. Perhaps it would have been better if it was a Monday, I figured. It would've been quick, sudden, and utterly decisive...in its own way, a small measure of peace.

All hope seemed lost, and there was no bottom.

Those of who you populate the official discussion thread on Sunday know what happened next.

thestorydept.thestorydepartme3.netdna-cdn.com

Dear Rob,

If you're reading this, I'm in the lead for The Jake. And if I did that badly, maybe you're willing to go a little further...past the edge of what your handwriting clearly suggests. You remember the name of the Chiefs' starting quarterback, don't you?


"Brady Quinn...Captain Courageous?" I thought, a single and ever-so-manly tear rolling down my cheek.

Exactly. Be courageous and take heart in the fact that Mark Sanchez is out there. So is Christian Ponder, and Cam Newton, and maybe Ryan Fitzpatrick wants to pick just the right week to stop being the bridesmaid and finally be the bride. Remember, Rob, hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping this letter finds you, and finds you well.

Your friend and personal savior,

Drew


Hope had returned via the United States postal service, and I was made anew. Hell, maybe it was possible. 83.3 was an incredibly high score, but you never know. Phil Rivers had yet to take the field, and he'd already Gone Delhomme once this season. Maybe another was in his future, no one can tell when that poor bastard's gonna explode. Thirty quarterbacks had yet to take the turn on the wheel of football fortune. Thirty quarterbacks, and not all of them were elite. Some of them pretty much sucked. Some of them were downright shiatty. Others still were Ryan Lindley. Thirty quarterbacks, maybe more if any new Eras were to begin on Sunday or Monday, perhaps if an obese loudmouth who never met a finger sandwich or a toe like a toe toe he didn't like made a farking inexplicable call to the bench...

More on that later.

For now, I can only remember how soon we all had a new hope. One quarterback was seemingly rushing to serve as Breesus' salvation, so wonderfully strange considering how many more he had personally given such a gift. One gunslinger was rapidly rising up the ranks of the leaderboard and it all suddenly seemed possible. Three interceptions quickly rang out - the first secured on his very first pass attempt, no less. A 50.0 was in the books before halftime, and there we were. Just into the third quarter, heroics coming from a very, very likely place, on pace for at least the second Gone Delhomme game of the season. And just flitting through the minds of those who dared to dream, those who dared not even whisper the name of the most rare and precious of flowers? Would we see it? Would an elite quarterback's saving grace be achieved through a Full Delhomme?

No.

No, it would not, because a disgusting fatbody with sexual issues best handled by a trained professional decided that it would not even have the opportunity to bloom.

Somehow, some way...THIS week was too much. Not the pair of turnovers in the first game against the Patriots. Not losing 30 to 9 at home to friggin' Miami. Not going 9 for 22 against Seattle. Not getting fed a near-fiftyburger on national television by New England, and not even the Goddamned motherfarking BUTTFUMBLE!...none of these excellent examples of how not to be a winning quarterback in the NFL were quite enough.

No.

Three turnovers in two-and-a-half quarters of action against the woeful Arizona Cardinals led by a quarterback who seemingly could not throw a pass within 15 yards of a receiver OR a defender?

THAT was it. It was all ol' Rex could stands and he could stands no more. The dawning of The Greg McElroy Era simply had to happen in Week 13 in East Rutherford, New Jersey, and with it a decree that Breesus would be crucified upon that field in Georgia.

Wait a minute.

Golgotha...Georgia. Rex Ryan...Pontius Pilate.

Oddly similar place names and strangely alliterative proper names do not lie, people. They do not lie and moreover they reveal a plot years in the making. Indeed, the road to the Week 13 presentation of The Jake has been in the books for years. Who could possibly be that diabolical? Who indeed?

I'm sensing some resistance from the readers. All you have to remember is that the condemnation, dear friends, was merely Station I. Stations III, VII, and IX, in which the weight of the cross was just too much to bear and he fell down? Interceptions one, three, and four. Station V, in which a citizen was moved by his plight to assist him in his burden? Chris Ivory slapping the ball into the air for interception number two.

Where's the evidence of the multi-year conspiracy, you ask, this is all from the game itself!

To that I direct your attention to Station VI, in which a saintly woman was distraught at this barbaric treatment and wiped his face of blood and sweat.

v012o.popscreen.com

I think we all know what happened here.

In 2010.

I can hear the one final question still poised to tumble from your lips, pointing out that the Jets game obviously took place after the Saints game, so how could the former set the latter into motion, further boomeranging back years prior to that initial event?

To that I can only say this.

Payton 4:13 - "Through Breesus all things are possible." So shut up.

The striking similarities don't end there, of course. The cross, the crippling sanctions levied against his team, the weight of which he has borne too heavy a load. So many different roles he has played, so many forced throws when the running game has been abandoned, the result at times a quarterback so unlike the one his apostles have come to adore.

And so there he was at midfield, his gift slipping away as the fifth interception sunk to the safety's breast...the jeering Dirty Bird faithful mocking him, spitting on him as he suffered. "King of the Who Dats" read the sign above him, Falcons players' hands pressing upon his beautifully balding head a helmet made of thorns.

"IT IS ACCOMPLISHED!" he cried, his efforts in redemption for the Saints in Week 13 done at last.

"IT SURE AS SHIAT IS!" screamed a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shiat behind him.

And with that, Roger Goodell punched Drew directly in the balls.

For committing an amount of turnovers that Jake Locker could sadly only tie, for happening to do so when Rex Ryan finally realized Mark Sanchez sucks, for honestly having the worst game as a Saint that I can remember him having, I...I am not proud, but The Jake being the cold and unfeeling beast it is, I must do my duty and award The Jake for Week 13 of the 2012 NFL season to Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints.

i63.photobucket.com

Anything to say, Drew?

i63.photobucket.com

You are forgiven. I'm proud of you for not being a biatch and picking Locker. Go now in peace to love and serve the Breesus.

Amen.
 
2012-12-04 03:06:59 PM
Yea! Ponies are back! whiterhino put the kibosh on ponies in last night's thread!
 
2012-12-04 03:07:01 PM
I don't think I've even gone to the actual Power Rankings link anymore. This thread has become all the recap for the week I need.
 
2012-12-04 03:07:15 PM

rickythepenguin: yeah, @ SEA, I'd go higher but even 10.5 seems high. Not stupid high, but high. I would have said 8, 8.5. which is where it ends up i bet.


You may not have noticed, but our Russell Wilson is fully operational and he's not happy about how the first game ended against your squad.

/then again, every time I feel confident about a Seahawks W they crap their pants
//just trying to not be TOO boastful and jinx it, since I thought we'd slaughter the Cards in the first matchup, too
 
2012-12-04 03:07:15 PM
Iggles are 30...may the Bungals beat the Cowboys so I get rid of them.
 
2012-12-04 03:10:10 PM

robsul82: You are forgiven. I'm proud of you for not being a biatch and picking Locker. Go now in peace to love and serve the Breesus.


*applause*
 
2012-12-04 03:10:35 PM

Friction8r: In other news, I'm pretty sure Peyton is recovering from that career-ending injury. Sure, he may be only 80 percent back, but he's slowly making progress. I think that in due time, he may yet again prove to be an elite QB before he retires.


that is amazing. i thought one hit and he's done. it is pretty damn impressive.

now, if you look at who they've played, they haven't played a very tough schedule, but, hey man, 9 wins or whatever is waht it is.

remaining sked:

@ OAK
@ Balt
CLEV
KC

they could be a first round bye at 12-3.
 
2012-12-04 03:11:20 PM

Treygreen13: When I grab stats I try to grab anomalies or things that stand contrary to the current narrative of sports coverage. Like Andrew Luck having the most INTs and being in the bottom 5 of the league in completion percentage. You'd never, ever think that was him because of the way media covers him... unless you watch the Colts or happen to have looked up his stats.


I would just like to say that I knew it wasn't Romo who was tied with Breesus for most INTs in the league. When Brees threw his 5 INT game, I looked it up & saw he was in 1st (last?) in that category. And since I knew Romo hadn't thrown any since, I knew it couldn't be him.

Yeah, I watch a lot of Sherlock Holmes, what.

Anyway. I appreciate your efforts in narrative-squashing. We could all use a bit more actual facts in the face of "that's just what I heard."
 
2012-12-04 03:11:34 PM

robsul82: Friends,


4.bp.blogspot.com

Good job rob and remember, nobody farks with the Breesus
 
2012-12-04 03:12:51 PM

robsul82: You are forgiven. I'm proud of you for not being a biatch and picking Locker. Go now in peace to love and serve the Breesus.


Thanks for not letting me down and pussying out.
 
2012-12-04 03:13:13 PM

robsul82: You are forgiven. I'm proud of you for not being a biatch and picking Locker. Go now in peace to love and serve the Breesus.

Amen.


A+, sir.

Easily the funniest one ever.
 
2012-12-04 03:13:24 PM
I have a feeling the Patriots are going to beat the Texans quite handily. I know that sounds crazy but I can see a 34-14 win.
 
2012-12-04 03:14:32 PM

rickythepenguin: shiat.....i thougth I saw @ ARIZ.


You forgot about opening day @ARIZ? Russell Wilson, couple of passes in the end zone just missing as time expired? Possible phantom timeout?
 
2012-12-04 03:17:23 PM

Di Atribe: Anyway. I appreciate your efforts in narrative-squashing. We could all use a bit more actual facts in the face of "that's just what I heard."



I heard Tony Romo is Honey Boo-Boo's father. That's just what I heard.
 
2012-12-04 03:17:45 PM

rickythepenguin: Friction8r: In other news, I'm pretty sure Peyton is recovering from that career-ending injury. Sure, he may be only 80 percent back, but he's slowly making progress. I think that in due time, he may yet again prove to be an elite QB before he retires.

that is amazing. i thought one hit and he's done. it is pretty damn impressive.

now, if you look at who they've played, they haven't played a very tough schedule, but, hey man, 9 wins or whatever is waht it is.

remaining sked:

@ OAK
@ Balt
CLEV
KC

they could be a first round bye at 12-3.


Yeah, I've pretty much accepted that Houston and Denver will grab the byes in the AFC. The Pats just need to get/stay healthy (losing Edleman for the season certainly doesn't help one bit) and look forward to hosting the Colts, Steelers or Bengals on Wild Card weekend.
 
2012-12-04 03:17:56 PM
Wow, he laid the hit on the Golden Boy!

I didn't think you had it in you, rob. I'll never doubt again.
 
2012-12-04 03:18:11 PM

robsul82: Friends,


In adversity you show your true strength. Congrats, man.
 
2012-12-04 03:18:18 PM

Super Chronic: You forgot about opening day @ARIZ? Russell Wilson, couple of passes in the end zone just missing as time expired? Possible phantom timeout?



yeah, i did. i'm old and that was three months ago.
 
2012-12-04 03:19:24 PM
robsul82: Friends,

Epic.
 
2012-12-04 03:19:27 PM

rickythepenguin: Super Chronic: You forgot about opening day @ARIZ? Russell Wilson, couple of passes in the end zone just missing as time expired? Possible phantom timeout?


yeah, i did. i'm old and that was three months ago.


That was the high point of Kolb's career! Looked like a juggernaut coming in for Skelton!
 
2012-12-04 03:20:49 PM

robsul82:
thestorydept.thestorydepartme3.netdna-cdn.com

Dear Rob,

If you're reading this, I'm in the lead for The Jake. And if I did that badly, maybe you're willing to go a little further...past the edge of what your handwriting clearly suggests. You remember the name of the Chiefs' starting quarterback, don't you?

"Brady Quinn...Captain Courageous?" I thought, a single and ever-so-manly tear rolling down my cheek.

Exactly. Be courageous and take heart in the fact that Mark Sanchez is out there. So is Christian Ponder, and Cam Newton, and maybe Ryan Fitzpatrick wants to pick just the right week to stop being the bridesmaid and finally be the bride. Remember, Rob, hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping this letter finds you, and finds you well.

Your friend and personal savior,

Drew


Holy shiat actual LOL.
 
2012-12-04 03:21:47 PM

tommyl66: Yeah, I've pretty much accepted that Houston and Denver will grab the byes in the AFC



I don't think Denver has Super Bowl talent but it appears they have the easiest road there, spesh if they get the bye and the seeding shakes out. But I would take Houston home or away vs Denver, Pats home or away, probably Ravens home or away, and as for wild cards, the Colts, Bengs, and Steelers, it is hard to say. Spesh PIT if Ben comes back healthy.
 
2012-12-04 03:21:58 PM

robsul82: ...snip...


...I love you.
 
2012-12-04 03:22:49 PM

IAmRight: That was the high point of Kolb's career! Looked like a juggernaut coming in for Skelton!



no, the high point of Kolb's career was when he signed his name to that $42M guaranteed contract in Tempe.....
 
2012-12-04 03:24:52 PM
Dying laughing. Just as epic as I thought it would be, rob.
 
2012-12-04 03:24:54 PM
<b><a href="http://www.fark.com/comments/7467507/81083368#c81083368" target="_blank">rickythepenguin</a>:</b> <i>JohnBigBootay: John Clayton: Andrew Luck may go down as the greatest rookie quarterback in NFL history.

WTF is he smoking because I'll have some of that. Now... I love Andrew Luck. I think he's very good, gonna get better, and I'd be nothing less than super duper excited about the future of my team if my team had the guy. But greatest rookie qb in NFL history? I don't know if Clayton looks at the stats on the website he works for, but there's two rookie qb's this year alone who have markedly better numbers than the deserving esteemed Mr. Luck. And they've been playing football a good long while. It would take a while to look all this shiat up but at this point of the season I'm not sure Luck cracks the top ten seasons by a rookie qb, let alone best of all time.


Robert Griffin III, WSH 218/325 (67.1%) 2,660 17TD 4INT QBR 104.4
Russell Wilson, SEA 201/317 (63.4%) 2,344 19TD 8INT QBR 95.2
Andrew Luck, IND 279/503 (55.5%) 3,596 17TD 16INT QBR 76.1


Back in the shallow end, Johnny. RGIII is +13 in TD/INT, Wilson +11, and Luck a Sanchezian +1 through 13 games. Yeah, Luck has a ton more pass yards but also almost 200 more attempts than either, so that's expected.</i>

The criticism of RG3 is that his stats are inflated by lots of screens, where Luck is more conventional. The knock on Wilson is that he started slow and is surrounded by more talent, especially on defense. Next year Luck should see a little bit more in the way of challenging defense, but he still going to be playing Titans and Jags twice. On the flip side of that Wilson should see a somewhat easier slate of defenses with AFC and NFC South. I would like to see Wilson come away with the rookie passing TD record though; needs 8 TDs in 4 games.
 
2012-12-04 03:25:14 PM

rickythepenguin: tommyl66: Yeah, I've pretty much accepted that Houston and Denver will grab the byes in the AFC


I don't think Denver has Super Bowl talent but it appears they have the easiest road there, spesh if they get the bye and the seeding shakes out. But I would take Houston home or away vs Denver, Pats home or away, probably Ravens home or away, and as for wild cards, the Colts, Bengs, and Steelers, it is hard to say. Spesh PIT if Ben comes back healthy.


I'd definitely agree, although Denver does have quite the home field advantage on their side. As a Pats fan I'm not dreading playing at either Denver or Houston (or Baltimore for that matter). Pittsburgh with Roethlisberger would be the only Wild Card that would seem to have any shot of winning in the first round. Although any division matchup is always tough so any combo of Baltimore, Pittsburgh or Cincy would be a tough call.
 
2012-12-04 03:26:24 PM
Id sum up the Vikings season and in particular Ponder's as inconsistent he can be great when he is on but he is not consistently on.
 
2012-12-04 03:26:31 PM

lecavalier: I have a feeling the Patriots are going to beat the Texans quite handily. I know that sounds crazy but I can see a 34-14 win.


Depends. It the Texans learned anything it's blitz Brady early and often. Otherwise the Pats will have their way with the Houston
 
2012-12-04 03:27:06 PM

robsul82: Payton 4:13 - "Through Breesus all things are possible." So shut up.


I laughed out loud at work when I read that. Then at to explain wtf the Jake was. I may have just sent Fark two members. xD

/keep up the good work.
 
2012-12-04 03:27:43 PM

robsul82: no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life


WE LOVE YOU
 
2012-12-04 03:28:12 PM

robsul82: Friends,


The funny,it was verily broughten.
 
2012-12-04 03:28:12 PM

ShadowLAnCeR: I laughed out loud at work when I read that. Then at to explain wtf the Jake was. I may have just sent Fark two members. xD


If so, hello new people!
 
2012-12-04 03:30:06 PM
Slow_clap.jpg
 
2012-12-04 03:30:21 PM
Also Excellent as always with the grafs, Di. :)
 
2012-12-04 03:30:26 PM

Tickle Mittens: <b><a href="http://www.fark.com/comments/7467507/81083368#c81083368" target="_blank">rickythepenguin</a>:</b> <i>JohnBigBootay: John Clayton: Andrew Luck may go down as the greatest rookie quarterback in NFL history.

WTF is he smoking because I'll have some of that. Now... I love Andrew Luck. I think he's very good, gonna get better, and I'd be nothing less than super duper excited about the future of my team if my team had the guy. But greatest rookie qb in NFL history? I don't know if Clayton looks at the stats on the website he works for, but there's two rookie qb's this year alone who have markedly better numbers than the deserving esteemed Mr. Luck. And they've been playing football a good long while. It would take a while to look all this shiat up but at this point of the season I'm not sure Luck cracks the top ten seasons by a rookie qb, let alone best of all time.


Robert Griffin III, WSH 218/325 (67.1%) 2,660 17TD 4INT QBR 104.4
Russell Wilson, SEA 201/317 (63.4%) 2,344 19TD 8INT QBR 95.2
Andrew Luck, IND 279/503 (55.5%) 3,596 17TD 16INT QBR 76.1


Back in the shallow end, Johnny. RGIII is +13 in TD/INT, Wilson +11, and Luck a Sanchezian +1 through 13 games. Yeah, Luck has a ton more pass yards but also almost 200 more attempts than either, so that's expected.</i>

The criticism of RG3 is that his stats are inflated by lots of screens, where Luck is more conventional. The knock on Wilson is that he started slow and is surrounded by more talent, especially on defense. Next year Luck should see a little bit more in the way of challenging defense, but he still going to be playing Titans and Jags twice. On the flip side of that Wilson should see a somewhat easier slate of defenses with AFC and NFC South. I would like to see Wilson come away with the rookie passing TD record though; needs 8 TDs in 4 games.


So RG3 would need 10TD's in games against:

Ravens
Browns
Eagles
& Cowboys to deny Wilson that record?

It might be close...
 
2012-12-04 03:31:08 PM
Damn, thought I was on mobile fark and forgot to snip down my prior post. Apologies
 
2012-12-04 03:31:50 PM

rickythepenguin: Friction8r: In other news, I'm pretty sure Peyton is recovering from that career-ending injury. Sure, he may be only 80 percent back, but he's slowly making progress. I think that in due time, he may yet again prove to be an elite QB before he retires.

that is amazing. i thought one hit and he's done. it is pretty damn impressive.

now, if you look at who they've played, they haven't played a very tough schedule, but, hey man, 9 wins or whatever is waht it is.

remaining sked:

@ OAK
@ Balt
CLEV
KC

they could be a first round bye at 12-3.


Thank you for not using airport acronyms! :-) as for their schedule, the Broncos played a brutal first 6 games, including Texans, Falcons and Patriots losses. But the way the team has gelled I don't think the Broncos fear ANYONE right now. The defense has really improved as well.
 
2012-12-04 03:34:52 PM

ShadowLAnCeR: Also Excellent as always with the grafs, Di. :)


Thanks, Shadow! And HI NEW FARKERS if you're lurking about! :)


robsul82: Exactly. Be courageous and take heart in the fact that Mark Sanchez is out there


Beautiful. Great work, rob.


LucklessWonder: Damn, thought I was on mobile fark and forgot to snip down my prior post. Apologies


Typical Redskins fan
 
2012-12-04 03:35:03 PM

rickythepenguin: rickythepenguin:***snip***

10.5. I should lock that down now before it falls to like, 7. 10.5? come on man.


The strength of the ARI defense is the pass defense, the strength of the SEA offense is running. Also, how is ARI gonna score? I'd take SEA and the under unless it's stupid low.
 
2012-12-04 03:37:20 PM

robsul82: For committing an amount of turnovers that Jake Locker could sadly only tie, for happening to do so when Rex Ryan finally realized Mark Sanchez sucks, for honestly having the worst game as a Saint that I can remember him having, I...I am not proud, but The Jake being the cold and unfeeling beast it is, I must do my duty and award The Jake for Week 13 of the 2012 NFL season to Drew Brees of the New Orleans Saints.


i1182.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-04 03:38:23 PM

lecavalier: I have a feeling the Patriots are going to beat the Texans quite handily. I know that sounds crazy but I can see a 34-14 win.


Yea I'm having the same feeling that it will be over by halftime. Too many damn injuries in the secondary. Brady is going to put up a forty-burger.
 
2012-12-04 03:39:00 PM
So question, who would put it past Harbagh to put Alex Smith back in as soon as the Niners get to the playoffs?

/I really want the team to trade Alex next year....
 
2012-12-04 03:42:00 PM

Super Chronic: IAmRight: From another Sando article:

"The Seahawks' opponents have made all 18 field-goal tries, making Seattle the only team in the NFL yet to benefit from an opponent's miss through Week 13."

No wonder it feels like we never catch a f*cking break on those.

I wonder if there's some kind of record for opponents' points per play by the field goal unit -- the Seahawks are at 60/19, or about 3.2 (54 on 18 attempts, plus 6 on a fake - unless there was an unsuccessful fake I've forgotten about).


You must be a fellow Hawk fan. "Breaks" didn't exist until the Packers game this year. It's always been know if its "time for an opposing player to break out" it usually happens against the Seahawks.
 
2012-12-04 03:42:27 PM

Di Atribe:


LucklessWonder: Damn, thought I was on mobile fark and forgot to snip down my prior post. Apologies

Typical Redskins fan


6 - 6 (3 -1 division) h-t-h tie breaker against Dallas...

And even Cowboys fans love the Redskins QB.
 
2012-12-04 03:42:42 PM
Wow...I think this is the first time Rob's gotten the Jake in here before I did my red & green thing.

Not much preamble this time. 10-6: it is what it is.

New Orleans Saints at Atlanta Falcons:
Okay, so I was a little high in my total points projection and I called the final just a tad closer than it actually was, but since I make the rules it's still a win. That done with, let's talk about Drew Brees' performance here: his five interceptions were the most he's thrown in a game since...well, I don't know, some time in college maybe? High School? Pee Wee Leagues? He certainly hadn't done that in the NFL before Thursday night, anyway...in fact, back in his breakout year of 2004 he threw seven total. In 15 starts. 1-0

Jacksonville Jaguars at Buffalo Bills:
Just as I said, Buffalo wins a "squeaker" by a 34-18 count. Jacksonville actually did a pretty decent job of containing C.J. Spiller, limiting him to just 5.5 yards per carry; that's not sarcasm, though at least part of that is rooted in the fact that Buffalo was already on the Jags' 41 when Spiller broke his long touchdown run. Also, how about that Ryan Fitzpatrick? 9/17 for 112 yards...that's franchise player production at its finest. 2-0


Seattle Seahawks at Chicago Bears:
Chicago hadn't seen a collapse of this magnitude since Rod Blagojevich became an ex-politician. I mean, credit where it's due: Russell Wilson had a heckuva game and Golden Tate is threatening to become known for more than just catching* a winning* pass on the final play in Green Bay, but the Bears just ran out of gas on both sides of the ball once the fourth quarter hit. One potential problem for Chicago on offense could be that Brandon Marshall hauled in 10 passes for 165 yards, while the rest of the team caught 7 for 68. Even Andy Reid could see that pattern. 2-1

Indianapolis Colts at Detroit Lions:
Speaking of agonizing defeats, WTF Detroit? In the past three weeks, the Lions have taken leads into the fourth quarter against Green Bay, Houston, and now Indianapolis...and are 0-3. All three times at home. Much more of that and this will cease to be bad football and graduate all the way to Greek Tragedy status. Meanwhile, with the Colts holding an inside track to a playoff berth at 8-4 and Peyton having already clinched a division title in Denver, the whole Andrew Luck thing is looking like one of those rare personnel changes that works out well for everyone. Well, not so much for Timmysprinkles. 2-2


Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers:
21 carries for 210 yards. That was Adrian Peterson's production on the ground in this one, and like so many other statistics it requires a bit of perspective to fully appreciate. Like, for example, the fact that Peterson has now gained 489 yards in his last three games, while Alex Green leads the Packers in rushing with 360 yards. Not over the last three games, over the season. Green Bay is back in first place with their 8-4 record, but disparities like that don't bode well for them come January. 3-2

Carolina Panthers at Kansas City Chiefs:
While I'm sure the fans would rather Kansas City got back into the win column without such heavy baggage, it still has to be nice for these guys to finally come out on top again. On the opposite side of the spectrum we have Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers, who are probably not as good as their 3-9 record might indicate. At least Cam has his fine acting ability to fall back on. 4-2

New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins:
So pretty much everyone knew the Pats would win this one, but I doubt anybody expected it to be by just seven points. Perhaps not entirely by coincidence, this marked Miami's seventh loss of the season. And Ryan Tannehill failed to throw a touchdown pass in the game, leaving him stuck on...seven, for the season. For New England, this marked their...well, their sixth win in a row. Maybe it was entirely by coincidence. 5-2

Arizona Cardinals at New York Jets:
This was one of those games where absolutely everyone involved would probably like to see it stricken from the record. Except maybe Greg McElroy. 6-2


San Francisco 49ers at St. Louis Rams:
If I were a fan of the San Francisco 49ers I'd be doing two things right about now: first, I'd be finding that old apartment I lived in back in '95 and parking myself there to watch the rest of the games this season. Second, and perhaps more importantly, I'd be praying to the Holy Trinity (you know: Bill Walsh, Joe Montana, and Jerry Rice) that the St. Louis Rams don't somehow sneak into the playoffs and face my boys in the wild card round. Come to think of it, all of America might want to pray for that not to happen, because they keep going until someone actually wins in the postseason. 6-3


Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans:
Give Jake Locker some credit here. I mean sure, he threw three interceptions and lost two fumbles in the game, but he completed less than half of his passes. Well that doesn't work. He engineered a near-comeback against the mighty...okay, not really that either. He did throw for 309 yards and add 38 more on the ground. That's pretty good. Hey, in Nashville they take what they can get. 7-3

Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Denver Broncos:
Denver clinched the AFC West with the win, moving to 9-3 on the season, but as it turns out they would have clinched even had they lost. That really says something about a division at this point in the season. On the other side of the field, the Bucs now need some help down the stretch to keep their unlikely playoff aspirations alive. 8-3


Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens:
Okay, so let's skip over the talk of winning streaks coming to a close, overrated quarterbacks failing to get anything going on offense, and coordinators inexplicably opting (again) not to even try to run the ball with a second-half lead. Let's focus instead on Charlie Batch, a guy who is so old that he actually handed the ball off to Barry Sanders. Seriously, Batch's rookie season in Detroit was Barry's final year in the NFL. There were only 30 teams in the league when Batch broke in. While Charlie was starting as a rookie in Detroit in 1998, Jim Harbaugh was starting 12 games for the Baltimore Ravens. Jim's brother, John, had just landed his first NFL coaching job, as an assistant under Ray Rhodes in Philadelphia; the following year, Rhodes would be replaced by first-time Head Coach Andy Reid. Up in Pittsburgh, the Steelers were limping to a disappointing 7-9 finish under exciting second-year starter Kordell Stewart, while a rookie receiver by the name of Hines Ward caught 15 passes for 246 yards. The point I'm trying to make is, Charlie Batch is freaking old. And he just led the Pittsburgh Steelers to a come-from-behind victory against the once-proud Baltimore Ravens defense, while Joe Flacco, Ray Rice, and the rest of the offense could do nothing more than watch in between 3 & outs and turnovers. Well played, Steelers...well played. 8-4


Cleveland Browns at Oakland Raiders:
Speaking of once-proud franchises, here are two of the finest examples the NFL has to offer. Cleveland picks up their first road victory since week 2 of 2011 and improves to 4-8, leaving them just one win shy of tying their best season total since 2007. Oakland, coming off back-to-back 8-8 seasons, have not had a winning year since 2002. Well, at least these two teams can look forward to yet more early draft picks as they continue to build for the future. Oh...sorry, Raider fans. 9-4


Cincinnati Bengals at San Diego Chargers:
San Diego Charger fanatics, rejoice! Yes, you lost to the Cincinnati Bengals, at home. Yes, Philip Rivers threw more touchdown passes to Cincy than he did to his teammates. Yes, your Chargers managed only 46 rushing yards in the game. And yes, this loss effectively, if not mathematically, ends whatever playoff hopes you might still have had. But there is a silver lining: by clinching a second consecutive non-winning season and almost certainly a third straight January off, you may have finally rid yourselves of Norv Turner once and for all. Oh, and Bengals fans: your team controls its own playoff destiny from this point on. 9-5


Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys:
And speaking of lame duck Head Coaches, Andy Reid's Eagles clinch their first losing record since 2005. Bryce Brown made it two straight games with over 150 rushing yards, and only fumbled once this time. On defense, Philly allowed Dallas to break the 100-yard rushing barrier for the second time in two meetings this season; Dallas has achieved that feat only two other times against the rest of the NFL this year. Tony Romo threw three touchdown passes in a game for the third time in 2012, but for the first time without throwing at least one interception. But before you Cowboy backers get all excited, keep in mind that despite all of this Dallas needed a 21-point fourth quarter to notch a 38-33 victory. 10-5


New York Giants at Washington Redskins:
I really should have seen this one coming. I mean, sure: the Giants laid a beatdown on Green Bay last week and Washington's 2-game winning streak was only due to having played the Eagles and Cowboys on consecutive weekends, but this is the NFC East. If history has taught us one thing, it's that no team can ever create separation in this division. Ever. Well, okay, in 2008 the Giants won the division by 2 1/2 games (farking ties), but you know what I'm talking about. The best way to muddle things up again was for the Redskins to win, thereby dropping New York to a mere one-game advantage over Washington and Dallas and creating a potential tie-breaking nightmare. 10-6
 
2012-12-04 03:42:51 PM
fark the Broncos and fark that "pizza" pushin forehead monster. They won the AFC West because the other three teams are ranked 25th, 29th and 31st. fark them all with a donkey shaped dildo.
 
2012-12-04 03:43:19 PM

robsul82: ***snip***


May the power of Drew compel you, you are HEALED!!!
 
2012-12-04 03:44:31 PM

Di Atribe: had98c: mootmah: ***snip***


Is that a pic of the dead cat taking it's last bounce? Creepy kitteh is creepy.
 
2012-12-04 03:48:36 PM

The Incredible Sexual Egg: lecavalier: I have a feeling the Patriots are going to beat the Texans quite handily. I know that sounds crazy but I can see a 34-14 win.

Depends. It the Texans learned anything it's blitz Brady early and often. Otherwise the Pats will have their way with the Houston


They'll have to do it without Edelman.
/broke foot, probably going to IR.
//made of glass unfortunately.
 
2012-12-04 03:48:46 PM

robsul82: brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shiat


If can remember all of this I'm going to use it some day. I know I'll use the worm-headed sack of monkey shiat.

Bunny & cpt - Awesome job on "THE FAIL".

DI you Graaffs are always great, they let me see the NFL power trends.

Trey nice trivia. I knew it was Smokin' Jay. Didn't have time to get and answer in because of the phone calls and the dog wanting attention.

I will miss this thread when football is over.
 
2012-12-04 03:52:34 PM

PaulieattheTap: Trey nice trivia. I knew it was Smokin' Jay. Didn't have time to get and answer in because of the phone calls and the dog wanting attention.


Thanks. I hope I have the energy to keep the trivia up into next season.
Also, thanks to jimmythefly who (last week) suggested the "average" question that you got right. I'm always open to suggestions for categories or questions... as long as they're quantifiable statistically or just funny.
 
2012-12-04 03:52:34 PM

PaulieattheTap: If can remember all of this I'm going to use it some day. I know I'll use the worm-headed sack of monkey shiat.


You might recognize it from Christmas Vacation.
 
2012-12-04 03:54:00 PM

LucklessWonder: So RG3 would need 10TD's in games against:

Ravens
Browns
Eagles
& Cowboys to deny Wilson that record?

It might be close...


I might give RG3 the odds advantage in this actually, but I think Peyton probably retains sole possession. All those defenses are worse than 3 of the defenses Wilson will face, even though he'll face all of the Ram, 9ers, and Cards in Seattle. The only truly decent one left for RG3 is the Browns and they're basically just average. SF and Zona are 2 and 3 respectively. The added wrinkle is the Seahawks want to pass enough to get the lead, but they want to win by running. They will be perfectly happy to face any of those teams up 4 in the 4th quarter. The Eagles in particular could give up any number of NFL single game records to RG3. For Wilson to his his mark he probably needs to benefit from 2 turnover-laden, opponant meltdowns in Seattle, not impossible, but not particularly likely. His 4th game is effective a neutral site in a dome in Toronto versus the only team who's logo is their community being shot in the head. The only team Wilson should NEED 2 TD passes to beat is the 9ers, but that's also the game he's most likely to lose.

I think there are factors working against RG3 too, but the defenses he faces are so bad to meh, that with Garcon back, multiple 5 TD games wouldn't surprise me. Hell, 8 TDs against the Eagles probably wouldn't surprise me. It'd be impressive, sure, but surprising? I don't think so. Still, I think Peyton retains sole possession of the record.
 
2012-12-04 03:55:36 PM

Treygreen13: Thanks. I hope I have the energy to keep the trivia up into next season.


Fun fact: Golden Tate has not only knocked out Sean Lee with a block that riled up Cowboys fans, but he's caught the Fail Mary, flipped into the end zone for a TD against the Vikings, made a ridiculous play to (well, what should've) beat the Bears...and he leads the NFL in passer rating.
 
2012-12-04 03:55:53 PM

Tickle Mittens: Hell, 8 TDs against the Eagles probably wouldn't surprise me.


If the Eagles continue their trend of not covering anyone running up the middle, he could pick up 10 TDs in that game.
 
2012-12-04 03:56:46 PM

IAmRight: Fun fact: Golden Tate has not only knocked out Sean Lee with a block that riled up Cowboys fans, but he's caught the Fail Mary, flipped into the end zone for a TD against the Vikings, made a ridiculous play to (well, what should've) beat the Bears...and he leads the NFL in passer rating.


Golden Tate also leads the league in players I would like to see get hit by a bus.
 
2012-12-04 03:58:07 PM

Harv72b: ***snip***


I think the Packers and Bears are in a competition to see who can be the worst team with the best record.

Through 12 weeks, CHI ranks 31st in Pass Protection and GB is 29th, which sounds awful until you look at the other side of the chart and see that CHI is 19th in Run Blocking and GB is still 29th. Only Arizona's O-Line is so woeful on both fronts, and no one is looking to them to compete for the wildcard and division.

Tangentially, the Giants are #2 in both categories and NE is #7 in run blocking and #1 in pass blocking. I really do not want to see that Super Bowl for a 3rd time. Seriously people, do something.
 
2012-12-04 03:58:17 PM

IAmRight: PaulieattheTap: If can remember all of this I'm going to use it some day. I know I'll use the worm-headed sack of monkey shiat.

You might recognize it from Christmas Vacation.


I haven't seen that in years. I know when I read it seemed kinda familiar.
 
2012-12-04 04:03:11 PM

Treygreen13: IAmRight: Fun fact: Golden Tate has not only knocked out Sean Lee with a block that riled up Cowboys fans, but he's caught the Fail Mary, flipped into the end zone for a TD against the Vikings, made a ridiculous play to (well, what should've) beat the Bears...and he leads the NFL in passer rating.

Golden Tate also leads the league in players I would like to see get hit by a bus.


Concussion says, "What?"


www.nbc.com
 
2012-12-04 04:03:29 PM

Treygreen13: Tickle Mittens: Hell, 8 TDs against the Eagles probably wouldn't surprise me.

If the Eagles continue their trend of not covering anyone running up the middle, he could pick up 10 TDs in that game.


Naw, the Redskins will take him out so he can get fluids and an early start on the line of dudes lining up to give him fellatio at 8. Hell, maybe 6.

I do know this, we may have to consider a 10 year moritorium on Eagles fans even mentioning Cowboys season collapses.
 
2012-12-04 04:03:55 PM

roc6783: Through 12 weeks, CHI ranks 31st in Pass Protection and GB is 29th, which sounds awful until you look at the other side of the chart and see that CHI is 19th in Run Blocking and GB is still 29th. Only Arizona's O-Line is so woeful on both fronts, and no one is looking to them to compete for the wildcard and division.


We better not lose to Detroit next week...but I see that happening. They just look gassed and have little consistency.
 
2012-12-04 04:05:04 PM

LucklessWonder: And even Cowboys fans love the Redskins QB.


Find me someone who doesn't love Bobby Three Sticks. I bet they're all jealous Colts fans.


PaulieattheTap: DI you Graaffs are always great, they let me see the NFL power trends.


YAY! That's why I started doing them. I wanted to see the chaos. And it is. ESPN doesn't know what the fark they're doing. XD


roc6783: Is that a pic of the dead cat taking it's last bounce? Creepy kitteh is creepy.


It's Grumpy Cat! Roc.... tell me you've seen Grumpy Cat before.
 
2012-12-04 04:05:41 PM

PaulieattheTap: robsul82: brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shiat

If can remember all of this I'm going to use it some day. I know I'll use the worm-headed sack of monkey shiat.


Well, that was a reference to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, as much as I'd like to take credit for it, hehe. "Disgusting fatbody" is Full Metal Jacket.

Thanks for the compliments, all...*tear* God knows it was tough. Theme music for this week's entry - "What Must Be Done" from the score of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

/...which is strangely appropriate too
//*more tears*
 
2012-12-04 04:06:03 PM
I just need... I just need to take a second... Seriously, I need you all to listen.

I live in DC. Just moved here this summer. Initially I thought, man some of this political talk radio is delusional, but then football started...

It's like the entire DC metro area lives in a mass delusion perpetrated by the hope that their lives, and indeed their football team, aren't entirely comprised of sheer misery.

This morning I got to hear a twenty minute rant from fans about how the 6-6 Redskins were a dominat team in the NFL because they beat the 7-5 Giants. Are you farking kidding me!?

Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.
 
2012-12-04 04:06:19 PM

Treygreen13: IAmRight: Fun fact: Golden Tate has not only knocked out Sean Lee with a block that riled up Cowboys fans, but he's caught the Fail Mary, flipped into the end zone for a TD against the Vikings, made a ridiculous play to (well, what should've) beat the Bears...and he leads the NFL in passer rating.

Golden Tate also leads the league in players I would like to see get hit by a bus.


You can not hate a man who introduced himself to fans by stealing fresh maple bars from an unlocked doughnut shop, and now does promotional events for them. That is impossible, because that is completely awesome. You know for a fact you can trust those doughnuts are great.
 
2012-12-04 04:06:28 PM

PaulieattheTap: I haven't seen that in years. I know when I read it seemed kinda familiar.


I didn't even catch it until you pulled it out on its own. Sneaky, rob. Sneaky.
 
2012-12-04 04:06:36 PM

Hugh2d2: fark the Broncos and fark that "pizza" pushin forehead monster. They won the AFC West because the other three teams are ranked 25th, 29th and 31st. fark them all with a donkey shaped dildo.


i1182.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-04 04:07:15 PM

Di Atribe: YAY! That's why I started doing them. I wanted to see the chaos. And it is. ESPN doesn't know what the fark they're doing. XD


Sometimes people forget that the point of the GRAF was to show that the Power Rankings are chaotic and reactionary.
 
2012-12-04 04:08:07 PM

robsul82: PaulieattheTap: robsul82: brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shiat

If can remember all of this I'm going to use it some day. I know I'll use the worm-headed sack of monkey shiat.

Well, that was a reference to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, as much as I'd like to take credit for it, hehe. "Disgusting fatbody" is Full Metal Jacket.

Thanks for the compliments, all...*tear* God knows it was tough. Theme music for this week's entry - "What Must Be Done" from the score of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

/...which is strangely appropriate too
//*more tears*


As a very special thank you, if you go over to read Quick Reads at FootballOutsiders, they make a pretty compelling case that Locker hurt his team more.
 
2012-12-04 04:08:23 PM

Treygreen13: IAmRight: Fun fact: Golden Tate has not only knocked out Sean Lee with a block that riled up Cowboys fans, but he's caught the Fail Mary, flipped into the end zone for a TD against the Vikings, made a ridiculous play to (well, what should've) beat the Bears...and he leads the NFL in passer rating.

Golden Tate also leads the league in players I would like to see get hit by a bus.


Really? Did Cortland Finnegan retire?

// I realize these are our opinions
// but Finnegan is an unmitigated douche, by pretty much every measure, according to reports both confirmed and unconfirmed throughout the league
 
2012-12-04 04:08:59 PM

Hugh2d2: fark the Broncos and fark that "pizza" pushin forehead monster. They won the AFC West because the other three teams are ranked 25th, 29th and 31st. fark them all with a donkey shaped dildo.


Disgruntled member of Raider Nation? Regardless, suck it long and hard. Even in their 3 early losses, the Broncos were coming back in the 2nd half. Were it not for turnovers, they could have won each of those games. Now that they've congealedas a team, they can beat ANY team in the league. Whoever your team is - they FEAR the Broncos right now, so again - suck it!
 
2012-12-04 04:09:07 PM

roc6783: I think the Packers and Bears are in a competition to see who can be the worst team with the best record.


The way things have been going lately, the Ravens are right up there with them.
 
2012-12-04 04:09:17 PM

IAmRight: PaulieattheTap: If can remember all of this I'm going to use it some day. I know I'll use the worm-headed sack of monkey shiat.

You might recognize it from Christmas Vacation.


In case people were wondering why their brain went ahead and auto-completed "Hallelujah! Holy shiat, where's the Tylenol?"
 
2012-12-04 04:09:55 PM

Dr Dreidel: Treygreen13: IAmRight: Fun fact: Golden Tate has not only knocked out Sean Lee with a block that riled up Cowboys fans, but he's caught the Fail Mary, flipped into the end zone for a TD against the Vikings, made a ridiculous play to (well, what should've) beat the Bears...and he leads the NFL in passer rating.

Golden Tate also leads the league in players I would like to see get hit by a bus.

Really? Did Cortland Finnegan retire?

// I realize these are our opinions
// but Finnegan is an unmitigated douche, by pretty much every measure, according to reports both confirmed and unconfirmed throughout the league


I think Suh still stands out as the most disliked though. Finnegan hasn't really done anything outlandishly douche-worthy that I've heard of recently.
 
2012-12-04 04:10:57 PM

Dr Dreidel: Really? Did Cortland Finnegan retire?


I'm sure he is. I just hate Tate's smarmy answers to questions this year. When he sent Sean Lee out of a game because of a cheap-shot he took during a play, he danced over the downed player and after the game said he'd be "upset if he was getting blown up on TV too". Then he claims he "just made a play" on the Fail Mary. So far the only positive story I've heard about Tate is that he once stole from a doughnut shop.
 
2012-12-04 04:11:14 PM

Gonz: In case people were wondering why their brain went ahead and auto-completed "Hallelujah! Holy shiat, where's the Tylenol?"


Sadly, I most vividly remember the "Sh*t" part of it being censored by TV versions of the movie.
 
2012-12-04 04:13:07 PM
So Urlacher is out probably the rest of the regular season.The folks in the Chicago media saying he should be benched for being too old/slow (aka dummies) get their wish:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/breaking/chi-chicago-bears-brian - urlacher-hamstring-strain-20121204,0,882544.story
 
2012-12-04 04:15:45 PM

IAmRight: Gonz: In case people were wondering why their brain went ahead and auto-completed "Hallelujah! Holy shiat, where's the Tylenol?"

Sadly, I most vividly remember the "Sh*t" part of it being censored by TV versions of the movie.


My annual viewing is going to be strange this year, since I know that the son grows up to earn his Ph.D and date Penny.
 
2012-12-04 04:16:28 PM

INeedAName: I just need... I just need to take a second... Seriously, I need you all to listen.

I live in DC. Just moved here this summer. Initially I thought, man some of this political talk radio is delusional, but then football started...

It's like the entire DC metro area lives in a mass delusion perpetrated by the hope that their lives, and indeed their football team, aren't entirely comprised of sheer misery.

This morning I got to hear a twenty minute rant from fans about how the 6-6 Redskins were a dominat team in the NFL because they beat the 7-5 Giants. Are you farking kidding me!?

Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.


I've lived here for 20 years - from Super Bowl to the Wuerffel/Frerotte/Rypien years, through Dan Snyder's meddlesome schemery, through Martyball and Norvelle and Steven of Spurrier and the Crown of Zorns (I went to a WAS/PHI game at the Linc during the Zorn era decked out in burgundy & gold. Sat in the owner's box, too. He's a crappy HC, though) and The Most Triumphant Return of Gibbs.

DC lives and breathes football, and it's partially because of the faily-go-round's 20-year rotation that they're going a bit crazy this year.

Of course, I'm a Ravens fan, so...

// Di will tell you that it's because we suck and are dumb and racist and also our team is bad and we should feel bad
// Hi, Di! LOVE the grafs...
 
2012-12-04 04:16:54 PM
Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.
 
2012-12-04 04:17:17 PM
Thanks to all who showed appreciation for THE FAIL. I'm hoping that thecpt and I will have many more FAILS to document this season.

Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.

/I do the same for THE FAIL, as I test it on them first
 
2012-12-04 04:18:19 PM

IAmRight: Gonz: In case people were wondering why their brain went ahead and auto-completed "Hallelujah! Holy shiat, where's the Tylenol?"

Sadly, I most vividly remember the "Sh*t" part of it being censored by TV versions of the movie.


It's been my family's Christmas Eve tradition since I was 7. That and Chinese food. My parents were always pretty loose about cursing, so that and the "I want a farking car right farking now" scene from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles on Thanksgiving viewings wasn't a problem.
 
2012-12-04 04:18:25 PM

Bunny Deville: Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.


You should make a video one week of a dramatic reading of The Fail.
 
2012-12-04 04:18:55 PM

Bunny Deville: Thanks to all who showed appreciation for THE FAIL. I'm hoping that thecpt and I will have many more FAILS to document this season.

Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.

/I do the same for THE FAIL, as I test it on them first


Really? That's so awesome, thank you.
 
2012-12-04 04:19:01 PM

m1ke: lecavalier: I have a feeling the Patriots are going to beat the Texans quite handily. I know that sounds crazy but I can see a 34-14 win.

Yea I'm having the same feeling that it will be over by halftime. Too many damn injuries in the secondary. Brady is going to put up a forty-burger.


eh, its gonna be closer than that. If Joesph comes back, I can see Wade just sticking him on Welker the whole game. If he isn't back, Kareem Jackson can do that as well. For those incredulous, as big a day Calvin Johnson had against Alan Ball, Kareem pretty much biatchslapped him and told him to sit down and shut the fark up for the whole second half. He is REALLY improved. Admittedly, this is pretty much the worst possible time to lose our slot corner. We did get Cody back last week and the linebacking core is doing pretty good for only having 1 starter still in.

The offense proved that they can still be the offense circa 2010 if they need to be, plus they showed that they are probably the 1st team in years to have 3 viable threats at running back.

/plus I'll take Casey over Welker any day, at least for what this team is doing
 
2012-12-04 04:19:19 PM

INeedAName: I just need... I just need to take a second... Seriously, I need you all to listen.

I live in DC. Just moved here this summer. Initially I thought, man some of this political talk radio is delusional, but then football started...

It's like the entire DC metro area lives in a mass delusion perpetrated by the hope that their lives, and indeed their football team, aren't entirely comprised of sheer misery.

This morning I got to hear a twenty minute rant from fans about how the 6-6 Redskins were a dominat team in the NFL because they beat the 7-5 Giants. Are you farking kidding me!?

Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.


Every fan that calls into any sports radio show in any municipality in the entire United States is a mouth breathing moron with no sense of perspective or manageable expectations. The Redskins/DC fans aren't alone in that. Though the Redskins homer radio announcers are hilariously biased, and frequently drinking, which is nice.

/Sonny & Sam 4 Eva!
 
2012-12-04 04:20:51 PM

robsul82: Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.


The magic of RG3
 
2012-12-04 04:21:38 PM

robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.


Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.
 
2012-12-04 04:22:15 PM

Harv72b: Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens:
Okay, so let's skip over the talk of winning streaks coming to a close, overrated quarterbacks failing to get anything going on offense, and coordinators inexplicably opting (again) not to even try to run the ball with a second-half lead. Let's focus instead on Charlie Batch, a guy who is so old that he actually handed the ball off to Barry Sanders. Seriously, Batch's rookie season in Detroit was Barry's final year in the NFL. There were only 30 teams in the league when Batch broke in. While Charlie was starting as a rookie in Detroit in 1998, Jim Harbaugh was starting 12 games for the Baltimore Ravens. Jim's brother, John, had just landed his first NFL coaching job, as an assistant under Ray Rhodes in Philadelphia; the following year, Rhodes would be replaced by first-time Head Coach Andy Reid. Up in Pittsburgh, the Steelers were limping to a disappointing 7-9 finish under exciting second-year starter Kordell Stewart, while a rookie receiver by the name of Hines Ward caught 15 passes for 246 yards. The point I'm trying to make is, Charlie Batch is freaking old. And he just led the Pittsburgh Steelers to a come-from-behind victory against the once-proud Baltimore Ravens defense, while Joe Flacco, Ray Rice, and the rest of the offense could do nothing more than watch in between 3 & outs and turnovers. Well played, Steelers...well played. 8-4


It's obvious at this point that Cam Cameron does not trust the Offensive line at all. This was another game where every third and short was meet with a shotgun pass instead of an I-formation run. Yes, I know Birk is a bit of a liability, but jeez, trust Leech and Rice a bit more. There was no excuse for the play calling in this game.

Also while I understand Flacco getting heat for "not beating Batch", I must once again point out that Flacco was playing against the #1 rated defense in the NFL and twice put the Ravens ahead with great passes under pressure and twice the Ravens 25th ranked defense failed to hold onto a TD lead. Once Terrell Suggs got injured and didn't come back, the defense went to crap again. If Kruger can only apply pressure when Suggs is in the lineup, there is a problem.

So the Ravens number 1 problem right now is getting an offensive line that Cam will trust enough to GIVE THE BALL TO RAY RICE DAMMIT! (hell I don't care if there is no O-line I still trust Rice on 3rd and 1) Their second problem is to have people other than Ngata and Suggs step it up on the pass rush.

Anyway, now that I got that off my chest, everyone else can go back to the Flacco bashing.
 
2012-12-04 04:23:17 PM

LucklessWonder: Every fan that calls into any sports radio show in any municipality in the entire United States is a mouth breathing moron with no sense of perspective or manageable expectations. The Redskins/DC fans aren't alone in that. Though the Redskins homer radio announcers are hilariously biased, and frequently drinking, which is nice.

/Sonny & Sam 4 Eva!



I remember calling in to the local sports radio show right after that Cowboys big win opening night against the Giants. After a dozen "WOO SUPERBOWL" calls they got to me. I told them that the Cowboys had a long way to go. Also to try to remember how they felt about Romo after that game when he has a bad one down the road, and that it was important to keep the whole season in perspective.

They hung up on me.
 
2012-12-04 04:23:25 PM
Good job all of you regular contributors of bona fide content. There's too damn many of you to name anymore - suffice to say I enjoy it all and appreciate the effort you put it in to maximize my football enjoyment. Keep up the fine work.
 
2012-12-04 04:23:26 PM

LucklessWonder: robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.


damnit! Took my idea
 
2012-12-04 04:24:16 PM

bulldg4life: robsul82: Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

The magic of RG3


You mean Rex Grossman III, right?

/like to pretend rg3 fans just really like the dagron
 
2012-12-04 04:24:54 PM

LucklessWonder: robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.


Haha, done!
 
2012-12-04 04:25:02 PM

ATRDCI: You mean Rex Grossman III, right?


Not RGThreeandOut
 
2012-12-04 04:26:21 PM
I went and submitted a link after seeing Rob's post with "suspended 4 games for PED violation"
Then, I see that someone posted the idea in here.

I'm assuming 10 people are now going to submit identical threads.
 
2012-12-04 04:26:35 PM

m1ke: lecavalier: I have a feeling the Patriots are going to beat the Texans quite handily. I know that sounds crazy but I can see a 34-14 win.

Yea I'm having the same feeling that it will be over by halftime. Too many damn injuries in the secondary. Brady is going to put up a forty-burger.


The Pats haven't magically patched everything up. They've played a couple of weak teams. Kubiak is part of the Shanahan/has Belichick's number clan. Schaub should throw for 350. I'm terrified of this game as a rehash of those "Patriots can't close against good teams" games.
 
2012-12-04 04:27:05 PM

Treygreen13: Bunny Deville: Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.

You should make a video one week of a dramatic reading of The Fail.


Oh wow. We uhhh... we might have to do that. I like that the fail has fluidity. Unlike the Jake, it isn't based on numbers,It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead...by laughing...

I'm liking this.
 
2012-12-04 04:27:23 PM

bulldg4life: I went and submitted a link after seeing Rob's post with "suspended 4 games for PED violation"
Then, I see that someone posted the idea in here.

I'm assuming 10 people are now going to submit identical threads.


Yep, already happening, lol. Behold the power of Fark on itself.
 
2012-12-04 04:27:27 PM

Di Atribe: LucklessWonder: And even Cowboys fans love the Redskins QB.

Find me someone who doesn't love Bobby Three Sticks. I bet they're all jealous Colts fans.


PaulieattheTap: DI you Graaffs are always great, they let me see the NFL power trends.

YAY! That's why I started doing them. I wanted to see the chaos. And it is. ESPN doesn't know what the fark they're doing. XD


roc6783: Is that a pic of the dead cat taking it's last bounce? Creepy kitteh is creepy.

It's Grumpy Cat! Roc.... tell me you've seen Grumpy Cat before.


"Bobby Three Sticks" is full of win.
 
2012-12-04 04:28:21 PM

bulldg4life: I went and submitted a link after seeing Rob's post with "suspended 4 games for PED violation"
Then, I see that someone posted the idea in here.

I'm assuming 10 people are now going to submit identical threads.


There's 4 in the queue so far.
 
2012-12-04 04:28:22 PM

LucklessWonder: robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.


Done. Newsflashed it, too, which always gets some panties in a twist.
 
2012-12-04 04:29:34 PM

robsul82: Yep, already happening, lol. Behold the power of Fark on itself.


LucklessWonder: There's 4 in the queue so far.


Damnit. I thought I had a surefire gem. I did use a newsflash to try and get some atten---

Gonz: Done. Newsflashed it, too, which always gets some panties in a twist.


SONOFAbiatch
 
2012-12-04 04:34:41 PM
Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.
 
2012-12-04 04:35:08 PM
NFL Network just announced that Urlacher may miss rest of the regular season due to a hamstring injury he suffered late in the game against Seattle.

/ I has a sad
 
2012-12-04 04:37:57 PM

Gonz: Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.


The short while I've been here.
1. Farkers are great, supportive and informative people except the occasional troll or self righteous ignorant ahole.
2. Link submitting is the cruelest process imaginable.
 
2012-12-04 04:39:28 PM

INeedAName: Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.


Meanwhile, in Dallas, all we hear is "Yeah yeah, don't get excited, Cowboys fans."


Dr Dreidel: // Di will tell you that it's because we suck and are dumb and racist and also our team is bad and we should feel bad


The Ravens aren't racist or do you consider yourself bi?

Pulling for the Ravens this week, you know. Better be nice to me or I'll hex 'em.


/no, i won't
 
2012-12-04 04:43:43 PM

PaulieattheTap: NFL Network just announced that Urlacher may miss rest of the regular season due to a hamstring injury he suffered late in the game against Seattle.

/ I has a sad


That pretty much sporks the Bears. Maybe the Lions will reach 50% win rate?

Sorry Bears fans, silver lining.
 
2012-12-04 04:44:19 PM

Gonz: Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.


Wow you're old
 
2012-12-04 04:46:14 PM

Di Atribe: INeedAName: Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.

Meanwhile, in Dallas, all we hear is "Yeah yeah, don't get excited, Cowboys fans."


Dr Dreidel: // Di will tell you that it's because we suck and are dumb and racist and also our team is bad and we should feel bad

The Ravens aren't racist or do you consider yourself bi?

Pulling for the Ravens this week, you know. Better be nice to me or I'll hex 'em.


/no, i won't


It's Joe Flacco on the road, hopefully they'll hex themselves

/Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.
 
2012-12-04 04:46:30 PM

Zafler: PaulieattheTap: NFL Network just announced that Urlacher may miss rest of the regular season due to a hamstring injury he suffered late in the game against Seattle.

/ I has a sad

That pretty much sporks the Bears. Maybe the Lions will reach 50% win rate?

Sorry Bears fans, silver lining.


They still have briggs, tillman, peppers, that other corner who never gets credit, and Cutler isn't sucking. They lost one at home to the Troll hawks, but go on with the panicking Bears fans. Its entertaining.

/can't wait 2 weeks. Gonna be a good one on soldier field
 
2012-12-04 04:48:06 PM

robsul82: Friends,


Ladies and Gentlemen, what we have seen here was an unadulterated display of class and professionalism under the direst of circumstances. And I think we all know how robsul82 was able to do it.


The Magic of RG3

i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-04 04:49:19 PM

LucklessWonder: robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.


Unfortunately the last few time a misdirection headline like this happened, the modmins ruined the fun by clarifying the headline.

The last two I remember were "LeBron suspended for 50 games in Cleveland" one and the "Ravens Star Reed suspended 4 games". Maybe this one will make it without a mod ruining the fun.
 
2012-12-04 04:50:10 PM

Di Atribe: LucklessWonder: ***snip***

It's Grumpy Cat! Roc.... tell me you've seen Grumpy Cat before.


I would assume so, but not sure. Creeped me out it did.

thecpt: roc6783: ***snip***

We better not lose to Detroit next week...but I see that happening. They just look gassed and have little consistency.


Ayup. I could totally see 11-5 record, win the division, and then get bounced at home in a completely flat game. The team just seems deflated by the injuries instead of sharpened like in 2010, and that is unfortunate for fans. There have been few games where they just took it to the other team for 4 quarters. Everything just seems sloppy and slow, and it starts with the O-Line.
 
2012-12-04 04:50:55 PM

PaulieattheTap: NFL Network just announced that Urlacher may miss rest of the regular season due to a hamstring injury he suffered late in the game against Seattle.

/ I has a sad


Well, end of the regular season anyway. He could be back for Week 17, but most likely by the playoffs.

/We hope
 
2012-12-04 04:51:11 PM

thecpt: They still have briggs, tillman, peppers, that other corner who never gets credit, and Cutler isn't sucking. They lost one at home to the Troll hawks, but go on with the panicking Bears fans. Its entertaining.


Which is silly because they lose to the Seahawks in Chicago every year.

/but they were wise enough to pick their one win to be the playoff game
 
2012-12-04 04:52:10 PM

LucklessWonder: It's Joe Flacco on the road, hopefully they'll hex themselves

/Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.


Is 30 miles away really "on the road?" Down the road, maybe.
 
2012-12-04 04:53:20 PM

INeedAName: I just need... I just need to take a second... Seriously, I need you all to listen.

I live in DC. Just moved here this summer. Initially I thought, man some of this political talk radio is delusional, but then football started...

It's like the entire DC metro area lives in a mass delusion perpetrated by the hope that their lives, and indeed their football team, aren't entirely comprised of sheer misery.

This morning I got to hear a twenty minute rant from fans about how the 6-6 Redskins were a dominat team in the NFL because they beat the 7-5 Giants. Are you farking kidding me!?

Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.


I a Giants fan that has lived here for 6 years now. You get use to it. Every year, without fail, the Skins fanbase gets themselves worked up into a frenzy. RGIII has only added a little bit to this- it was the same way in the Jason Campbell years, not that anyone will admit it now. RGIII is good, but they seem to missing the fact that they beat the Giants by a single point and the G'nts went a long way to beating themselves with all those penalties (most called against the Giants since 2009).
 
2012-12-04 04:53:45 PM

Di Atribe: LucklessWonder: It's Joe Flacco on the road, hopefully they'll hex themselves

/Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.

Is 30 miles away really "on the road?" Down the road, maybe.


It's 30 miles further from JoeBert's stash of delicious hot cocoa with kosher marshmallows
 
2012-12-04 04:57:01 PM

thecpt: Zafler: PaulieattheTap: ***snip***

/can't wait 2 weeks. Gonna be a good one on soldier field


Hopefully Matthews will be ready to go, then Cutler can resume receiving his weekly recommended allowance of turf.

//Not looking forward to it at all. Just keep it close so I don't have to see skrame do a happy dance. Haven't seen that much jiggle since the Jello incident in '04.
 
2012-12-04 05:02:43 PM

roc6783: Hopefully Matthews will be ready to go, then Cutler can resume receiving his weekly recommended allowance of turf.


Looks like Lang, Mathews and Woodson will all be ready so Cutler will get his turf diet, sack lunches, and CUTLERCEPTIONS while Rodgers will be slightly safer.
 
2012-12-04 05:03:02 PM

LucklessWonder: Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.



in training camp, arizona cut [name] SKelton, a TE who is also QB John Skelton's brother (one of I think 4 brother combos in the league; the Skeltons, the mcCown QBs, obv les frères Manning, i think there's a Celek on either SFO or GRB and obviously Philly, and I think there's a LB duo).

anyways, in the heat of the "kolb or skelton?" fiasco which was getting some national attention, as Arizona wsa the last team to announce its QB, when Skelton was cut, I submitted:

"In stunning NFL news, Cardinals release Skelton".

It stayed black for a long motherfarking time, in that twilight zone of not greenlit but not redlit, and there were about a dozen posts ranging between, "i see what you did there", "you clever bastard" or "wow you really had us fooled, submitter". then it was redlit.
 
2012-12-04 05:04:19 PM

LucklessWonder: /Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.



trap game.
 
2012-12-04 05:04:31 PM

degenerate-afro: Also while I understand Flacco getting heat for "not beating Batch", I must once again point out that Flacco was playing against the #1 rated defense in the NFL and twice put the Ravens ahead with great passes under pressure and twice the Ravens 25th ranked defense failed to hold onto a TD lead.


Steeler fan here so take it as you might...

I've never thought of Flacco as an elite quarterback but similar to Dilfer in that combined with a great defense they can go far. This year the defense doesn't have it but somehow they've lucked their way into a 9-3 record. (4th and 29?!?) Flacco did jack squat in Pittsburgh this year and Baltimore won because of a blown special teams play with Leftwich as QB. (At least Leftwich scored a TD in that game... Flacco managed two FGs)

As far as my team... I figured they were going to be 8-8 after the Broncos game and continued to think 8-8 to 9-7 since. I got my hopes up some after the Giants game but they crushed those hopes with moronic losses to Baltimore and Cleveland. (Seriously, I think Tomlin has *just* started to watch the same game we are) The last four games are completely winnable but in true Pittsburgh Steelers fashion they will find a way to lose one in a team-fail effort just like the Cleveland game. 10-6 will get them into the playoffs, as long as they beat Cincinnati. 9-7 might be good enough too if they beat Cincinnati and Cincinnati drops another one.
 
2012-12-04 05:09:51 PM

rickythepenguin: LucklessWonder: /Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.


trap game.


There's no such farking thing in the... *reads user name*

www.lolbrary.com

/Love that dog's face.
 
2012-12-04 05:20:56 PM

LucklessWonder: rickythepenguin: LucklessWonder: /Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.


trap game.

There's no such farking thing in the... *reads user name*

[www.lolbrary.com image 447x718]

/Love that dog's face.


Speaking of that dog, I made this a couple weeks ago but he's given me no excuse to use it since I made it.
i291.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-04 05:22:05 PM

Treygreen13: Speaking of that dog, I made this a couple weeks ago but he's given me no excuse to use it since I made it.



dammit. images blocked.
 
2012-12-04 05:22:23 PM
Okay, here it is, after a while hiatus: The Totally Inaccurate Computer Rankings for week 14:

1. Houston (2432 points)
2. New England (2261)
3. Atlanta (2251)
4. Baltimore (1940.5)
5. San Francisco (1936.5)
6. Denver (1934)
7. Green Bay (1820)
8. Chicago (1759.5)
9. New York Giants (1719.5)
10. Seattle (1684)
11. Indianapolis (1592)
12. Pittsburgh (1572)
13. Cincinnati (1461.5)
14. Washington (1415)
15. Tampa Bay (1275.5)
16. Dallas (1262.5)
17. Minnesota (1254)
18. New Orleans (1199)
19. St. Louis (1192)
20. Miami (1122)
21. New York Jets (1071)
22. Detroit (967.5)
23. Buffalo (959.5)
24. Arizona (923)
25. Cleveland (892)
26. Tennessee (854)
27. San Diego (817)
28. Philadelphia (722.5)
29. Carolina (698)
30. Oakland (563)
31. Jacksonville (439)
32. Kansas City (375)
 
2012-12-04 05:23:45 PM

rickythepenguin: Treygreen13: Speaking of that dog, I made this a couple weeks ago but he's given me no excuse to use it since I made it.


dammit. images blocked.


It's the same as the "Oh YOU" image with the guy looking down at the dog, except I photoshopped Romo on the guy's face and Dez Bryant's face on the dog.
 
2012-12-04 05:25:53 PM
Ranked behind a team with the same record we have, and which we beat the dogsh*t out of. But, there's no east coast bias....
 
2012-12-04 05:26:39 PM

Treygreen13: It's the same as the "Oh YOU" image with the guy looking down at the dog, except I photoshopped Romo on the guy's face and Dez Bryant's face on the dog.


i3.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-12-04 05:29:12 PM

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Treygreen13: It's the same as the "Oh YOU" image with the guy looking down at the dog, except I photoshopped Romo on the guy's face and Dez Bryant's face on the dog.

[i3.kym-cdn.com image 150x134]


Is it? If Wes Welker played for the Cowboys and consistently ran the wrong routes for weeks at a time, I'd photoshop him on the dog's face.

Fortunately Dez and Romo seem to be on the same page. At least for now.
 
2012-12-04 05:29:28 PM

slykens1: Flacco did jack squat in Pittsburgh this year and Baltimore won because of a blown special teams play with Leftwich as QB. (At least Leftwich scored a TD in that game... Flacco managed two FGs)


You say Baltimore won because of a blown special teams play, but ignore that Leftwich's TD was because of a blown defensive assignment?

That would be like me saying "the only reason the Steelers won was because of a blown blocking assignment. Letting Harrison get to Flacco in 2 seconds after the snap was a fluke that never should have happened".
 
2012-12-04 05:35:38 PM
I posted this yesterday, but repeating anyways.

The Cardinals offense is atrocious, obviously, and that has GREATLY overshadowed the D.

The Cardinals rank among the NFL's top 10 for the season in the following defensive categories: Total QBR, passer rating, completion rate, interceptions per attempt, passing touchdown-to-interception rate, first downs per pass attempt, yards per game, yards per play, passing yards per game, points allowed per drive, expected points per drive, drive distance, goal-to-go efficiency, interception rate, sack rate, first downs per game, third-down conversion rate, red zone touchdown percentage and points allowed per game.
 
2012-12-04 05:36:16 PM

Treygreen13: "Oh YOU" image with the guy looking down at the dog, except I photoshopped Romo on the guy's face and Dez Bryant's face on the dog.



Dammit. I just snorted. the description alone is LOL.
 
2012-12-04 05:37:04 PM

JohnBigBootay: John Clayton: Andrew Luck may go down as the greatest rookie quarterback in NFL history.

WTF is he smoking because I'll have some of that. Now... I love Andrew Luck. I think he's very good, gonna get better, and I'd be nothing less than super duper excited about the future of my team if my team had the guy. But greatest rookie qb in NFL history? I don't know if Clayton looks at the stats on the website he works for, but there's two rookie qb's this year alone who have markedly better numbers than the deserving esteemed Mr. Luck. And they've been playing football a good long while. It would take a while to look all this shiat up but at this point of the season I'm not sure Luck cracks the top ten seasons by a rookie qb, let alone best of all time.


I'm sure I'm a little late to the party, but I just want to throw some context in the mix (no info on Russell because I don't have it). Luck is in an offense that is much more vertical than RG III's offense.

" Luck's average pass attempt has traveled 10.2 yards past the line of scrimmage, the longest average pass distance in the league (this was before "Monday Night Football"; Jay Cutler was second at 9.9 entering the game). Griffin averages 7.9 yards downfield per pass attempt, slightly below the league average of 8.2.

And Luck's long average pass distance isn't simply a product of throwing lots of incomplete passes down the field. His average pass distance on completions is 8.6 yards past the line of scrimmage, also highest in the N.F.L. (Cutler was fourth at 8.3 entering Monday night). Griffin's completions come an average of 5.8 yards from the line of scrimmage, well below the league average of 6.5."


That's a pretty big disparity there. Additionally since the offensive line is garbage and Arians loves 5 wide sets, Luck doesn't really have much of a safety valve to dump off passes into the flat. I'm not a huge fan of Arians' offense or playcalling, but it has worked so far. Luck also runs his out 2 minute offenses, and I'm not sure if RG III does that (or even if Shannie would let him). The Colts are asking Luck to do more than either Wilson or RG III, and I'm pretty sure he'd be performing at a "higher" level if the offense was a little more personnel and QB friendly.

Russell and RG III are unquestionably doing better than Luck this year, but there's a reason why Luck is in the conversation at all. The kind of stuff he does well -- 2 minute offense and excellent 3rd down conversion -- are things rookies usually suck at. Washington and Seattle are both bottom 10 at 3rd down conversion. Colts are top 4. I tried to find some up-to-date stats on most points scored in 2-minute scenarios, but I got lazy and decided to go grab a beer instead.

tl;dr You can probably pick any of the three for ROY and I don't think you could go wrong, even if some of the reasons aren't as obvious
 
2012-12-04 05:38:26 PM
whoops should have been italics, not bold.
 
2012-12-04 05:39:44 PM

Nofun: Packers behind the Ravens? I don't think so: everyone seems to forget they had one stolen by the scab refs...


The final score of that game was 7-6 Seahawks. Each team got a potato touchdown. Stop crying. The Pack is the most overrated team in the league right now.
And I like the Packers.
 
2012-12-04 05:42:04 PM

Nofun: Packers behind the Ravens? I don't think so: everyone seems to forget they had one stolen by the scab refs...


True but the Ravens had one stolen by the scabs as well (ignoring Jones' TD against the Eagles)
 
2012-12-04 05:43:09 PM

Harv72b: roc6783: I think the Packers and Bears are in a competition to see who can be the worst team with the best record.

The way things have been going lately, the Ravens are right up there with them.


I'm still looking good on the "9-7 or 10-6 and a game out of the playoffs" prediction I made at the beginning of the season.

Honestly, they didn't reall just have a bad game - they got exposed. They won against Dallas and NE on luck. PIT with a ST touchdown.

Honestly? I think they're WORSE than I thought they'd be before the season but have been lucky. Injuries mid-season probably play a big part there. Webb and Ngata particularly.

And Joe looks... Well he hasn't had a game as bad as his worst last season. But the O-line sucks. Cameron is as bad as ever. The D-line sucks. The secondary is super injured and can't seem to remember to cover everyone (at least they're ok when they do).

They will not be favored in a game the rest of the season. Nor do they deserve to be.
 
2012-12-04 05:44:03 PM

thecpt: Treygreen13: Bunny Deville: Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.

You should make a video one week of a dramatic reading of The Fail.

Oh wow. We uhhh... we might have to do that. I like that the fail has fluidity. Unlike the Jake, it isn't based on numbers,It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead...by laughing...

I'm liking this.


I'll save it for a truly spectacular FAIL, and I'll even wear my Rarity cosplay for it if an ungulate team commits a good one.
 
2012-12-04 05:46:44 PM

bionicjoe: Nofun: Packers behind the Ravens? I don't think so: everyone seems to forget they had one stolen by the scab refs...

The final score of that game was 7-6 Seahawks. Each team got a potato touchdown. Stop crying. The Pack is the most overrated team in the league right now.
And I like the Packers.


I'm tired of the "7-6" bullshiat. The game farking sucked. There was no outright winner regardless. I'm rooting for a Packers Seahawks round one match up in Lambeau. And the Pack isn't overrated. I'm definitely weary of where they're at right now, but some of their best players are coming back this and next week including I don't know a couple probowlers. I think their rank is reflective of it.
 
2012-12-04 05:53:53 PM

bionicjoe: Nofun: Packers behind the Ravens? I don't think so: everyone seems to forget they had one stolen by the scab refs...

The final score of that game was 7-6 Seahawks. Each team got a potato touchdown. Stop crying. The Pack is the most overrated team in the league right now.
And I like the Packers.


The Colts think that's hilarious.

//Who is overrating the Packers? No snark, honest question. They are hanging by a thread, and i just hope Rodgers survives to play next year.
 
2012-12-04 05:55:01 PM

thecpt: I'm tired of the "7-6" bullshiat. The game farking sucked.


True. It's just that the Packers sucked more. They had their asses handed to them the whole first half and were lucky to be down just 7-0. Then they adjusted in the second half, knowingly taking advantage of amateur referees and holding on every play, and scored at most 6 legitimate points. I agree that it was a bad call at the end, but in the context of that travesty of a second half, the Packers had no right to complain. The better team won and that's what matters to me.
 
2012-12-04 05:57:39 PM

redmid17: Luck's average pass attempt has traveled 10.2 yards past the line of scrimmage, the longest average pass distance in the league (this was before "Monday Night Football"; Jay Cutler was second at 9.9 entering the game). Griffin averages 7.9 yards downfield per pass attempt, slightly below the league average of 8.2.


Lets see... Yards after Catch Leaders (with more than 150 YAC)

Andew Luck:
Reggie Wayne 267 YAC
Dwayne Allen 176 YAC
Donnie Avery 155 YAC
T.Y. Hilton 155 YAC

Robert Griffin
Pierre Garcon 187 YAC
Santana Moss 172 YAC
Josh Morgan 165 YAC

Russell Wilson
Marshawn Lynch 152 YAC

Hopefully you are adjusting for yards after the catch with those numbers.
 
2012-12-04 05:57:47 PM

Gonz: I can't believe I've been here over a decade.


No shiat. I just looked at my profile and it says 2003. Though like the story goes I lurked a long time. I certainly remember farking all day when those gentlemen flew planes into buildings. Anyway, time flies I suppose.
 
2012-12-04 06:00:21 PM

degenerate-afro: You say Baltimore won because of a blown special teams play, but ignore that Leftwich's TD was because of a blown defensive assignment?


I freely admitted my point of view was that of a Steelers fan.

Leftwich's run was purely his athleticism gloriously defeating the Ravens defense, in fact, so much that he broke his ribs exuding that athleticism.
 
2012-12-04 06:02:55 PM

Super Chronic: True. It's just that the Packers sucked more. They had their asses handed to them the whole first half and were lucky to be down just 7-0. Then they adjusted in the second half, knowingly taking advantage of amateur referees and holding on every play, and scored at most 6 legitimate points. I agree that it was a bad call at the end, but in the context of that travesty of a second half, the Packers had no right to complain. The better team won and that's what matters to me.


how do you justify best? To be honest I'm still more angry about the loss to the Colts. And I'm mad at my team for that one. No one else. The Pack had a purely dominant D all game except one broken coverage play. Their O was knocked way out of rhythm to a really good defense but to say sucked less? That was good football being played that night and the potato shadow makes everyone forget it.
 
2012-12-04 06:04:41 PM

Di Atribe: Gonz: Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.

Wow you're old


Check my Fark account #, kids.
GET THE FARK OFF MAI LAWN WITH YOUR 60,000+ DIAPER-DANDY NUMBER!
 
2012-12-04 06:05:05 PM

redmid17: tl;dr You can probably pick any of the three for ROY and I don't think you could go wrong, even if some of the reasons aren't as obvious


That's good info. Like I said, I love the guy - looks like he's gonna be very good for a long time. I just think Clayton is on crack, because whatever else Luck's season is, it's not the best performance by a rookie qb this year, let alone of all time. QB rating is an imperfect stat but it's not completely worthless and Luck's ain't very good. And all the poise in the world doesn't completely cancel 16 picks and a 55% completion percentage. He's gonna get better and I'd be happy to have him but Clayton is on crack with that comment.
 
2012-12-04 06:05:32 PM

thecpt: the potato shadow makes everyone forget it.



where did the potato thing begin? was that this year? i don't rememebr seeing that until about a month into the season.

i love how the NFL thread is all shtick now. everybody has a "thing" with it, i guess.
 
2012-12-04 06:06:06 PM

bionicjoe: Di Atribe: Gonz: Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.

Wow you're old

Check my Fark account #, kids.
GET THE FARK OFF MAI LAWN WITH YOUR 60,000+ DIAPER-DANDY NUMBER!


You made me curious about my own. apparently I've been posting on fark for 9 years, and I know I lurked for about 2 years prior to that.
 
2012-12-04 06:07:55 PM

JohnBigBootay: He's gonna get better and I'd be happy to have him but Clayton is on crack with that comment.



i remember watching ESPN a long time and Clayton and....fark, what's his name....Sean Salisbury, there we go, they started arguing some point, and it got a little bit heated, and Salisbury dropped this on Clayton and I went all Showtime at the Apollo, running around my living room shouting "OH NO HE JUSS DITTEN":

"John, I bought you when i came here, I'll sell you when I leave".

brutal.
 
2012-12-04 06:08:43 PM
In the future, everyone will have a recurring contribution to the Tuesday power rankings thread for 15 minutes.
 
2012-12-04 06:08:54 PM

rickythepenguin: thecpt: the potato shadow makes everyone forget it.


where did the potato thing begin? was that this year? i don't rememebr seeing that until about a month into the season.

i love how the NFL thread is all shtick now. everybody has a "thing" with it, i guess.


Meant for the potato or substitute refs, derived from the meme I can count to potato, or one and a two and a ching chong potato.
 
2012-12-04 06:09:08 PM

LucklessWonder: bionicjoe: Di Atribe: Gonz: Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.

Wow you're old

Check my Fark account #, kids.
GET THE FARK OFF MAI LAWN WITH YOUR 60,000+ DIAPER-DANDY NUMBER!

You made me curious about my own. apparently I've been posting on fark for 9 years, and I know I lurked for about 2 years prior to that.


I remember seeing Drew on the ScreenSavers on ZDTV (Yeah, pre TechTV even) in 1999. That's when I first visited the site, mainly because he lived here. No telling how low my # could've been.
 
2012-12-04 06:10:14 PM

thecpt: Meant for the potato or substitute refs, derived from the meme I can count to potato, or one and a two and a ching chong potato.


i know it was related to the refs, but who can first claim it, i guess?

thse are the things i stay awake and think about.
 
2012-12-04 06:12:04 PM

rickythepenguin: "John, I bought you when i came here, I'll sell you when I leave".

brutal.



Ouch.
 
2012-12-04 06:12:47 PM

rickythepenguin: thecpt: Meant for the potato or substitute refs, derived from the meme I can count to potato, or one and a two and a ching chong potato.

i know it was related to the refs, but who can first claim it, i guess?

thse are the things i stay awake and think about.


It was a marketing ploy, by ore-ida. That way you not only think about potatoes during their commercials but also during the game.
 
2012-12-04 06:13:30 PM

JohnBigBootay: Ouch.


I guess Clayton can claim scoreboard on that one though......far as I know, Clayton never texted a pic of his hog to a staffer.
 
2012-12-04 06:14:16 PM

rickythepenguin: JohnBigBootay: He's gonna get better and I'd be happy to have him but Clayton is on crack with that comment.


i remember watching ESPN a long time and Clayton and....fark, what's his name....Sean Salisbury, there we go, they started arguing some point, and it got a little bit heated, and Salisbury dropped this on Clayton and I went all Showtime at the Apollo, running around my living room shouting "OH NO HE JUSS DITTEN":

"John, I bought you when i came here, I'll sell you when I leave".

brutal.


Wasn't Salisbury fired for doing the Favre dick-pic thing?
 
2012-12-04 06:14:48 PM
With all of the injuries, I'll be surprised if the Bears make the playoffs.
 
2012-12-04 06:14:59 PM

bionicjoe: I remember seeing Drew on the ScreenSavers on ZDTV (Yeah, pre TechTV even) in 1999. That's when I first visited the site, mainly because he lived here. No telling how low my # could've been.



I signed up as "ricky_the_penguin" under what I think wa a 25,000 account number.....forgot about that login.....then signed up as this one in the 55,000 series.......
 
2012-12-04 06:16:15 PM

rickythepenguin: JohnBigBootay: He's gonna get better and I'd be happy to have him but Clayton is on crack with that comment.


i remember watching ESPN a long time and Clayton and....fark, what's his name....Sean Salisbury, there we go, they started arguing some point, and it got a little bit heated, and Salisbury dropped this on Clayton and I went all Showtime at the Apollo, running around my living room shouting "OH NO HE JUSS DITTEN":

"John, I bought you when i came here, I'll sell you when I leave".

brutal.


I remember Salisbury laying some kind of smackdown on Clayton -- I'll take your word for it that that's what he said -- but that doesn't stop Salisbury from being the single douchiest and most idiotic football analyst ESPN ever had. He won that round, but Clayton can run circles around him intellectually (though his pronouncement on Luck admittedly calls that into question).
 
2012-12-04 06:20:38 PM

bionicjoe: LucklessWonder: bionicjoe: Di Atribe: Gonz: Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.

Wow you're old

Check my Fark account #, kids.
GET THE FARK OFF MAI LAWN WITH YOUR 60,000+ DIAPER-DANDY NUMBER!

You made me curious about my own. apparently I've been posting on fark for 9 years, and I know I lurked for about 2 years prior to that.

I remember seeing Drew on the ScreenSavers on ZDTV (Yeah, pre TechTV even) in 1999. That's when I first visited the site, mainly because he lived here. No telling how low my # could've been.


I had a 24 obsession back in the day & someone on another board I frequented linked me here to a 24 photoshop thread, in which I discovered there were 24 discussion threads, in which I laughed my ass off & lo, a Farker was borne unto ye some time in 2006-ish. I actually had another login before this one, maybe in 2005. It was boring. This one is less boring.
 
2012-12-04 06:26:04 PM

Super Chronic: rickythepenguin: JohnBigBootay: He's gonna get better and I'd be happy to have him but Clayton is on crack with that comment.


i remember watching ESPN a long time and Clayton and....fark, what's his name....Sean Salisbury, there we go, they started arguing some point, and it got a little bit heated, and Salisbury dropped this on Clayton and I went all Showtime at the Apollo, running around my living room shouting "OH NO HE JUSS DITTEN":

"John, I bought you when i came here, I'll sell you when I leave".

brutal.

I remember Salisbury laying some kind of smackdown on Clayton -- I'll take your word for it that that's what he said -- but that doesn't stop Salisbury from being the single douchiest and most idiotic football analyst ESPN ever had. He won that round, but Clayton can run circles around him intellectually (though his pronouncement on Luck admittedly calls that into question).


Two words: Rush. Limbaugh
Two more: Chris. Berman
Another Two: Skip. Bayless
 
2012-12-04 06:26:13 PM

degenerate-afro: Hopefully you are adjusting for yards after the catch with those numbers.


I'm pretty sure the metric regarding yards per average pass attempt is based on how far downfield the pass is thrown, and automatically removes the YAC from the equation.

Here's a good, though quite biased, comparison of Wilson vs Luck (since both are playing the NFC North and AFC East this year).
 
2012-12-04 06:57:07 PM

degenerate-afro: redmid17: Luck's average pass attempt has traveled 10.2 yards past the line of scrimmage, the longest average pass distance in the league (this was before "Monday Night Football"; Jay Cutler was second at 9.9 entering the game). Griffin averages 7.9 yards downfield per pass attempt, slightly below the league average of 8.2.

Lets see... Yards after Catch Leaders (with more than 150 YAC)

Andew Luck:
Reggie Wayne 267 YAC
Dwayne Allen 176 YAC
Donnie Avery 155 YAC
T.Y. Hilton 155 YAC

Robert Griffin
Pierre Garcon 187 YAC
Santana Moss 172 YAC
Josh Morgan 165 YAC

Russell Wilson
Marshawn Lynch 152 YAC

Hopefully you are adjusting for yards after the catch with those numbers.


You're ignoring the # of catches. Wayne has 88 catches on the year. The 3 skins receivers have a total of 91. Hell Morgan would be #3 on the Colts, and he'd only be 3 catches ahead of #4. Either way, I got the numbers from this NYT blog. I realize they are from late October, but the numbers hold up through now based on other articles I've seen.
 
2012-12-04 06:58:01 PM

rickythepenguin: I signed up as "ricky_the_penguin" under what I think wa a 25,000 account number.....forgot about that login.....then signed up as this one in the 55,000 series.......


I'm just happy to have squeaked in below 100k. If I'd known it would ever mean anything (and admittedly, it doesn't mean much) I'd have created a login during the lurker years. Apparently I had nothing of value to say so it's just as well I suppose.
 
2012-12-04 07:00:51 PM
Good job, Rob. I knew you had it in you.
 
2012-12-04 07:02:24 PM

rickythepenguin: bionicjoe: I remember seeing Drew on the ScreenSavers on ZDTV (Yeah, pre TechTV even) in 1999. That's when I first visited the site, mainly because he lived here. No telling how low my # could've been.


I signed up as "ricky_the_penguin" under what I think wa a 25,000 account number.....forgot about that login.....then signed up as this one in the 55,000 series.......


Same thing happened to me. I can't even remember the nic I used on my original account.
 
2012-12-04 07:04:28 PM

IAmRight: Here's a good, though quite biased, comparison of Wilson vs Luck (since both are playing the NFC North and AFC East this year).


I'm sure sando has a favorite in that race but the numbers are the numbers and Wilson's are better than Luck's. Strange that Clayton would so overlook Wilson with him being a local and all. At any rate I'd say it's even money that Luck becomes a perennial pro bowler - he just has the look of solid starter for years to come. I don't know if wilson will or not but either way he has been fantastic and he deserves his props for what he's done this year.
 
2012-12-04 07:06:08 PM

IAmRight: Here's a good, though quite biased, comparison of Wilson vs Luck (since both are playing the NFC North and AFC East this year).


Shiat. Might have to pick up undervalued wilson in FF next year. Wouldn''t expect the sack numbers (though minuscule) to be in Luck's favor though.
 
2012-12-04 07:06:49 PM
OH FARK YOU, FARK. I TYPE MY WHOLE GODDAMN THING IN THE BOX AND HIT SUBMIT AND YOU GO ALL 500 KABLOOIE. [makes jerk-off motions] I GOT YOUR INTERNAL SERVER ERROR RIGHT HERE.

I mean, uh...
Irrational Productions presents...
The Great Tiebreaker Spreadsheet
with your host, RminusQ

Today's episode: 2012 Week 13


I was already planning to go short-and-sweet and then Fark went and ate my original post. So shorter-and-sweeter it is. AFC game-by-game
justpredictions.webs.com
Houston clinches #1 with a win and losses by Baltimore, Denver, and Indianapolis. If Cleveland gets to 8-8, they'd win a tiebreaker from either Cincy or Pitt (or both). But those two teams, Bengals and Steelers, do still have a game to go. A Steelers win would basically wrap up the six-team field.

NFC game-by-game
justpredictions.webs.com
Notice that nobody is red. Philadelphia can actually still win their division with four wins, four NYG losses, four DAL losses, and three WAS losses (or DAL-WAS can tie). Even the sad Carolina Panthers can still make it! They just need four wins, four SEA losses, three losses each by the Rams, Vikings, Bucs, Cowboys, and Redskins, plus a WAS-DAL tie, PLUS a Saints loss to the Giants PLUS exactly one loss by Arizona.
ctrayne.files.wordpress.com
Yes, Jim Cammey, there is a chance. About the same as the chance of me getting a birthday blowjob from Kaley Cuoco and all four women from Firefly. At the same time.
In the "news about good teams" category, the Giants... well... "news about mediocre teams". Whoever wins the DAL-WAS game (assuming there is a winner) will hold a tiebreaker over the Giants. That means the Giants may need to beat either Atlanta or Baltimore to reach 10 wins and secure the division. Well shiat.
Atlanta, by the way, can also clinch homefield. All they need is a win and losses by the Bears, Packers, and 49ers. Both conference's #1 seeds secured in Week 14? Just the fact that such a scenario exists surprises me.

Lastly, THE GRID:
justpredictions.webs.com
Notice the wide chasm between the decent and the suck in the AFC. Seattle's lead for 6th place in the NFC is only a game, but they hold wins over Dallas and Minnesota, and a likely better conference record over Tampa.
The SOS column tells us the Jets and Jags have had beastly schedules, while the Falcons have played only one team with a winning record (and incredibly, there's only one more such team in their future schedule). The ESS (eventual schedule strength) column tells us that KC is likely to hold the tiebreaker over Jacksonville for the #1 draft pick, but should both teams slip up, Oakland is ready to pounce.
Hypotheticals in orange-text boxes have been entered in the AFC. That's where teams can only wind up tied if one wins out and the other loses out. For instance, New England and Miami could still be tied at 9-7, but in such a case, the Patriots would win the division on division record. I haven't done so in the NFC, because the grid is still so damn crowded.
 
2012-12-04 07:14:10 PM

UNC_Samurai: robsul82: Friends,

Ladies and Gentlemen, what we have seen here was an unadulterated display of class and professionalism under the direst of circumstances. And I think we all know how robsul82 was able to do it.


The Magic of RG3

[i.imgur.com image 332x465]


Hahahaha.
 
2012-12-04 07:15:29 PM

JohnBigBootay: I'm sure sando has a favorite in that race but the numbers are the numbers and Wilson's are better than Luck's.


Sando does a pretty good job of pointing out that you really can't make the whole argument out of these numbers and lists the reasons, though.

thecpt: Shiat. Might have to pick up undervalued wilson in FF next year. Wouldn''t expect the sack numbers (though minuscule) to be in Luck's favor though.


He's had 2+ TDs every game for a month or so. But yeah, I probably wouldn't want him the rest of the year, if only because the divisional defenses aren't really who you want your QB going up against.

/had him at the beginning of the season as a backup to Cutler
//should've just kept him but I got impatient
///found Romo a couple weeks ago and that's worked out well anyway
////Wilson has had some bad sacks where he went backwards way more than he should've and those probably screw up his sack yardage numbers, but those were a while ago.
 
2012-12-04 07:18:19 PM

JohnBigBootay: Strange that Clayton would so overlook Wilson with him being a local and all.


*short joke goes here*
 
2012-12-04 07:23:19 PM

robsul82: Friends,


Beautiful.
 
2012-12-04 07:24:33 PM
No, I can't exactly complain about Urlacher's injury.
 
2012-12-04 07:27:09 PM

RminusQ:
Even the sad Carolina Panthers can still make it! They just need four wins, four SEA losses, three losses each by the Rams, Vikings, Bucs, Cowboys, and Redskins, plus a WAS-DAL tie, PLUS a Saints loss to the Giants PLUS exactly one loss by Arizona.


I still can't get Carolina to show in the ESPN playoff machine even with those conditions. Oh well.
 
2012-12-04 07:42:24 PM

robsul82: No, I can't exactly complain about Urlacher's injury.


Not celebrating it either, of course, just makes the idea of a collapse more real.
 
2012-12-04 07:43:50 PM

near_starlet: robsul82: ...snip...

...I love you.


ThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisT h isThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThis ThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisTh isThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThis ThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisTh isThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThisThis
 
2012-12-04 07:56:15 PM

derpy: The third-string of the Steelers beat the Ravens, proving that even the Steelers' third string is for real, and they only go up one point?

Think about this. Batch just proved that he can still do it, that last week was just shaking off rust. That gives the Steelers a lot less pressure to get Ben back on the field and lets him rest another game or two.

By the playoffs, the Steelers are in on a wild card and the Quarterback (and other key players) are healthy and rested. Nice place to be.


I have a soft spot for Charlie Batch. I clearly remember a late Thanksgiving game a good 12 or 14 years ago... it was Dan Marino's last season. Lions vs. Dolphins. Marino ends up throwing 4 or 5 ints. There's a play during the game where Batch threw an INT after he got hit. It's like you saw him get up, saw that he threw an int, then fell back down immediately -- almost to take the blame off him.

Guy looked sharp enough to help the Steelers to a win though, so mad props to him

/always fun seeing the journeyman QB contribute late into his career
 
2012-12-04 08:32:59 PM

robsul82: PaulieattheTap: robsul82: brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shiat

If can remember all of this I'm going to use it some day. I know I'll use the worm-headed sack of monkey shiat.

Well, that was a reference to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, as much as I'd like to take credit for it, hehe. "Disgusting fatbody" is Full Metal Jacket.

Thanks for the compliments, all...*tear* God knows it was tough. Theme music for this week's entry - "What Must Be Done" from the score of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

/...which is strangely appropriate too
//*more tears*


I lost it at the Stations...primarily because of a hash we ran last Maundy Thursday, which included all the stations of the cross--people with varying liquors stationed by churches, waiting for us to run by and take shots.
 
2012-12-04 08:39:03 PM

had98c: RminusQ:
Even the sad Carolina Panthers can still make it! They just need four wins, four SEA losses, three losses each by the Rams, Vikings, Bucs, Cowboys, and Redskins, plus a WAS-DAL tie, PLUS a Saints loss to the Giants PLUS exactly one loss by Arizona.

I still can't get Carolina to show in the ESPN playoff machine even with those conditions. Oh well.


You need to fiddle with the SOV of Arizona and Carolina. This scenario shows the Panthers as the #6 seed.
 
2012-12-04 08:39:27 PM

Dr Dreidel: mootmah: WHAR GRAF

I know I did this last week (maybe I'll add it to the list of Things That Must Appear in an NFL Power Rankings Thread), but:
[72unforcederrorswp.files.wordpress.com image 300x300]

I'M RIGHT FARKING HERE!


I did this one a few weeks ago, but it is probably too jarring to be repeated weekly.

skrame.com
 
2012-12-04 08:51:01 PM

IAmRight: /found Romo a couple weeks ago and that's worked out well anyway


Definitely. He's averaging 24 points in the last 3 weeks. I've been trying to pry him away from people for this late stretch but I think everyone knows about his schedule softening up.

At least until Pittsburgh.
 
2012-12-04 09:12:36 PM
And with that, Roger Goodell punched Drew directly in the balls.

heh
 
2012-12-04 09:33:26 PM

RminusQ: I mean, uh...
Irrational Productions presents...
The Great Tiebreaker Spreadsheet
with your host, RminusQ



Am I missing a key to the pretty colors? I need a key. Pretty colors. Plz?
 
2012-12-04 09:37:46 PM

Di Atribe: RminusQ: I mean, uh...
Irrational Productions presents...
The Great Tiebreaker Spreadsheet
with your host, RminusQ


Am I missing a key to the pretty colors? I need a key. Pretty colors. Plz?


img201.imageshack.us

/from last week's thread
 
2012-12-04 09:43:36 PM
KC is too damn high again.jpg

When you play a perfect game for your team (no turnovers, a single- intentional- penalty, and a career 53.3% QB hitting 14 straight completions at one point) and still have to sweat out the last drive at home to a 3-9 team... sorry, but the Jags are better.
 
2012-12-04 09:57:49 PM

neuroflare: /from last week's thread


Spank you very much, neuro!

Also, are you keeping all of the 2012 Jakes?
 
2012-12-04 10:27:53 PM

Di Atribe: neuroflare: /from last week's thread

Spank you very much, neuro!

Also, are you keeping all of the 2012 Jakes?


I missed week 12's, I'll have to go find it
 
2012-12-04 10:32:50 PM
Unfortunately I only copied the HTML, so some images are no longer hosted (especially important for the 2011 jakes)

I don't know if rob can fill in the gaps or not
 
2012-12-04 10:47:27 PM
I've got all the Jakes saved in Word. Which is especially sad considering I had to write this week's twice - I was almost done but I accidentally clicked the tab closed. I was really feeling it and so I was just writing and writing, neglecting to have a Word doc open to copy and paste after every paragraph like I usually do.
 
2012-12-04 10:50:46 PM
I had to say 50 hail Paytons to remove the black hand of BeezleGoodell from my soul.
 
2012-12-04 11:19:56 PM

neuroflare: Di Atribe: RminusQ: I mean, uh...
Irrational Productions presents...
The Great Tiebreaker Spreadsheet
with your host, RminusQ

Am I missing a key to the pretty colors? I need a key. Pretty colors. Plz?

[img201.imageshack.us image 161x489]

/from last week's thread


Thanks, dude. I realized after I posted that I hadn't included it.
Then I realized I didn't want to dig up the image.

Olympic Trolling Judge: I still can't get Carolina to show in the ESPN playoff machine even with those conditions. Oh well.

You need to fiddle with the SOV of Arizona and Carolina. This scenario shows the Panthers as the #6 seed.


Yeah, all those conditions create a three-way tie that goes to strength of victory, where Carolina is likely behind both Arizona AND Minnesota unless you rig some results. I included that the first time, but when Fark zapped my original post, I forgot it in the rewrite.
 
2012-12-04 11:35:40 PM

RminusQ: neuroflare: Di Atribe: RminusQ: I mean, uh...
Irrational Productions presents...
The Great Tiebreaker Spreadsheet
with your host, RminusQ

Am I missing a key to the pretty colors? I need a key. Pretty colors. Plz?

[img201.imageshack.us image 161x489]

/from last week's thread

Thanks, dude. I realized after I posted that I hadn't included it.
Then I realized I didn't want to dig up the image.

Olympic Trolling Judge: I still can't get Carolina to show in the ESPN playoff machine even with those conditions. Oh well.

You need to fiddle with the SOV of Arizona and Carolina. This scenario shows the Panthers as the #6 seed.

Yeah, all those conditions create a three-way tie that goes to strength of victory, where Carolina is likely behind both Arizona AND Minnesota unless you rig some results. I included that the first time, but when Fark zapped my original post, I forgot it in the rewrite.


I got it to work after I had more AFC West teams win and more AFC East teams lose. Took a few.
 
2012-12-04 11:36:50 PM

bionicjoe: The Pack is the most overrated team in the league right now.
And I like the Packers


I'm sorry, how the hell does that spot not belong to the Falcons?

robsul82: No, I can't exactly complain about Urlacher's injury.


You're welcome.
 
2012-12-05 12:02:49 AM

RminusQ: Thanks, dude. I realized after I posted that I hadn't included it.
Then I realized I didn't want to dig up the image.


I found out delving into the bowels of the sports archive last year that the power ranking threads aren't very hard to find and dig through when I went back and saved the previous Jakes. Someone quotes a weekly post and it lead right to what I needed.
 
2012-12-05 12:03:53 AM

neuroflare: I found out delving into the bowels of the sports archive last year that the power ranking threads aren't very hard to find and dig through when I went back and saved the previous Jakes. Someone quotes a weekly post and it lead right to what I needed.


There are some large grammatical problems in this statement.
 
2012-12-05 12:50:02 AM
"They can look better than you think or worse than you can imagine, often within the same game. The end result is that they're average."

I don't think truer words have ever been spoken concerning the Dallas Cowboys over the past ten years or so.
 
2012-12-05 09:07:13 AM

robsul82: I've got all the Jakes saved in Word. Which is especially sad considering I had to write this week's twice - I was almost done but I accidentally clicked the tab closed. I was really feeling it and so I was just writing and writing, neglecting to have a Word doc open to copy and paste after every paragraph like I usually do.


I know this might seem crazy, but you could probably type it in Word, then paste it in the comment box.

You might even consider using LOLWORDPAD
 
2012-12-05 09:07:38 AM

Harv72b: Wow...I think this is the first time Rob's gotten the Jake in here before I did my red & green thing.

Not much preamble this time. 10-6: it is what it is.


If you ever find yourself coming north on 83, let me know. I'll have a beer ready for you.
 
2012-12-05 10:34:12 AM

rickythepenguin: thecpt: ***snip***
i love how the NFL thread is all shtick now. everybody has a "thing" with it, i guess.


Sometimes we all just feel trapped in our roles.

//No one wants to see your thing, Brett.
 
2012-12-05 11:54:07 AM

robsul82: Thanks for the compliments, all...*tear* God knows it was tough. Theme music for this week's entry - "What Must Be Done" from the score of The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford


I've never heard that music before. I like it a lot. Thanks for that link, and for an awesome Jake speech.

thecpt: They still have briggs, tillman, peppers, that other corner who never gets credit, and Cutler isn't sucking. They lost one at home to the Troll hawks, but go on with the panicking Bears fans. Its entertaining.

/can't wait 2 weeks. Gonna be a good one on soldier field


Darn right it is. The second Bears/Packers game of the season is usually my favorite game of the year. When play-offs are on the line, half of Chicago is at risk of having a grabber. I know it's the same up north (I have lots of cousins and co-workers in or from WI).

roc6783: Ayup. I could totally see 11-5 record, win the division, and then get bounced at home in a completely flat game.


This would make me happy beyond belief, especially if it's by the Bears. I won't be at the game this time around, but I'd be at home doing my happy dance.

roc6783: Hopefully Matthews will be ready to go, then Cutler can resume receiving his weekly recommended allowance of turf.

//Not looking forward to it at all. Just keep it close so I don't have to see skrame do a happy dance. Haven't seen that much jiggle since the Jello incident in '04.


Haha. Look at that; both of us commenting about my happy dance. Don't worry about the jiggle; I've been losing weight! I'm down to 21 stone!

Calibrating happy dance:

img839.imageshack.us
 
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