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(ESPN)   In a nutshell: Every team in the league basically sucks to one extent or another, but the Jags now replace the Chiefs as the team that sucks the worst. It's your Week 14 NFL Power Rankings   (espn.go.com) divider line 326
    More: Strange, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, away games, Albert Haynesworth, rankings, Kevin Kolb, Jags, Mike Shanahan, Matt Hasselbeck  
•       •       •

3436 clicks; posted to Sports » on 04 Dec 2012 at 1:30 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-12-04 04:17:17 PM  
Thanks to all who showed appreciation for THE FAIL. I'm hoping that thecpt and I will have many more FAILS to document this season.

Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.

/I do the same for THE FAIL, as I test it on them first
 
2012-12-04 04:18:19 PM  

IAmRight: Gonz: In case people were wondering why their brain went ahead and auto-completed "Hallelujah! Holy shiat, where's the Tylenol?"

Sadly, I most vividly remember the "Sh*t" part of it being censored by TV versions of the movie.


It's been my family's Christmas Eve tradition since I was 7. That and Chinese food. My parents were always pretty loose about cursing, so that and the "I want a farking car right farking now" scene from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles on Thanksgiving viewings wasn't a problem.
 
2012-12-04 04:18:25 PM  

Bunny Deville: Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.


You should make a video one week of a dramatic reading of The Fail.
 
2012-12-04 04:18:55 PM  

Bunny Deville: Thanks to all who showed appreciation for THE FAIL. I'm hoping that thecpt and I will have many more FAILS to document this season.

Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.

/I do the same for THE FAIL, as I test it on them first


Really? That's so awesome, thank you.
 
2012-12-04 04:19:01 PM  

m1ke: lecavalier: I have a feeling the Patriots are going to beat the Texans quite handily. I know that sounds crazy but I can see a 34-14 win.

Yea I'm having the same feeling that it will be over by halftime. Too many damn injuries in the secondary. Brady is going to put up a forty-burger.


eh, its gonna be closer than that. If Joesph comes back, I can see Wade just sticking him on Welker the whole game. If he isn't back, Kareem Jackson can do that as well. For those incredulous, as big a day Calvin Johnson had against Alan Ball, Kareem pretty much biatchslapped him and told him to sit down and shut the fark up for the whole second half. He is REALLY improved. Admittedly, this is pretty much the worst possible time to lose our slot corner. We did get Cody back last week and the linebacking core is doing pretty good for only having 1 starter still in.

The offense proved that they can still be the offense circa 2010 if they need to be, plus they showed that they are probably the 1st team in years to have 3 viable threats at running back.

/plus I'll take Casey over Welker any day, at least for what this team is doing
 
2012-12-04 04:19:19 PM  

INeedAName: I just need... I just need to take a second... Seriously, I need you all to listen.

I live in DC. Just moved here this summer. Initially I thought, man some of this political talk radio is delusional, but then football started...

It's like the entire DC metro area lives in a mass delusion perpetrated by the hope that their lives, and indeed their football team, aren't entirely comprised of sheer misery.

This morning I got to hear a twenty minute rant from fans about how the 6-6 Redskins were a dominat team in the NFL because they beat the 7-5 Giants. Are you farking kidding me!?

Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.


Every fan that calls into any sports radio show in any municipality in the entire United States is a mouth breathing moron with no sense of perspective or manageable expectations. The Redskins/DC fans aren't alone in that. Though the Redskins homer radio announcers are hilariously biased, and frequently drinking, which is nice.

/Sonny & Sam 4 Eva!
 
2012-12-04 04:20:51 PM  

robsul82: Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.


The magic of RG3
 
2012-12-04 04:21:38 PM  

robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.


Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.
 
2012-12-04 04:22:15 PM  

Harv72b: Pittsburgh Steelers at Baltimore Ravens:
Okay, so let's skip over the talk of winning streaks coming to a close, overrated quarterbacks failing to get anything going on offense, and coordinators inexplicably opting (again) not to even try to run the ball with a second-half lead. Let's focus instead on Charlie Batch, a guy who is so old that he actually handed the ball off to Barry Sanders. Seriously, Batch's rookie season in Detroit was Barry's final year in the NFL. There were only 30 teams in the league when Batch broke in. While Charlie was starting as a rookie in Detroit in 1998, Jim Harbaugh was starting 12 games for the Baltimore Ravens. Jim's brother, John, had just landed his first NFL coaching job, as an assistant under Ray Rhodes in Philadelphia; the following year, Rhodes would be replaced by first-time Head Coach Andy Reid. Up in Pittsburgh, the Steelers were limping to a disappointing 7-9 finish under exciting second-year starter Kordell Stewart, while a rookie receiver by the name of Hines Ward caught 15 passes for 246 yards. The point I'm trying to make is, Charlie Batch is freaking old. And he just led the Pittsburgh Steelers to a come-from-behind victory against the once-proud Baltimore Ravens defense, while Joe Flacco, Ray Rice, and the rest of the offense could do nothing more than watch in between 3 & outs and turnovers. Well played, Steelers...well played. 8-4


It's obvious at this point that Cam Cameron does not trust the Offensive line at all. This was another game where every third and short was meet with a shotgun pass instead of an I-formation run. Yes, I know Birk is a bit of a liability, but jeez, trust Leech and Rice a bit more. There was no excuse for the play calling in this game.

Also while I understand Flacco getting heat for "not beating Batch", I must once again point out that Flacco was playing against the #1 rated defense in the NFL and twice put the Ravens ahead with great passes under pressure and twice the Ravens 25th ranked defense failed to hold onto a TD lead. Once Terrell Suggs got injured and didn't come back, the defense went to crap again. If Kruger can only apply pressure when Suggs is in the lineup, there is a problem.

So the Ravens number 1 problem right now is getting an offensive line that Cam will trust enough to GIVE THE BALL TO RAY RICE DAMMIT! (hell I don't care if there is no O-line I still trust Rice on 3rd and 1) Their second problem is to have people other than Ngata and Suggs step it up on the pass rush.

Anyway, now that I got that off my chest, everyone else can go back to the Flacco bashing.
 
2012-12-04 04:23:17 PM  

LucklessWonder: Every fan that calls into any sports radio show in any municipality in the entire United States is a mouth breathing moron with no sense of perspective or manageable expectations. The Redskins/DC fans aren't alone in that. Though the Redskins homer radio announcers are hilariously biased, and frequently drinking, which is nice.

/Sonny & Sam 4 Eva!



I remember calling in to the local sports radio show right after that Cowboys big win opening night against the Giants. After a dozen "WOO SUPERBOWL" calls they got to me. I told them that the Cowboys had a long way to go. Also to try to remember how they felt about Romo after that game when he has a bad one down the road, and that it was important to keep the whole season in perspective.

They hung up on me.
 
2012-12-04 04:23:25 PM  
Good job all of you regular contributors of bona fide content. There's too damn many of you to name anymore - suffice to say I enjoy it all and appreciate the effort you put it in to maximize my football enjoyment. Keep up the fine work.
 
2012-12-04 04:23:26 PM  

LucklessWonder: robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.


damnit! Took my idea
 
2012-12-04 04:24:16 PM  

bulldg4life: robsul82: Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

The magic of RG3


You mean Rex Grossman III, right?

/like to pretend rg3 fans just really like the dagron
 
2012-12-04 04:24:54 PM  

LucklessWonder: robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.


Haha, done!
 
2012-12-04 04:25:02 PM  

ATRDCI: You mean Rex Grossman III, right?


Not RGThreeandOut
 
2012-12-04 04:26:21 PM  
I went and submitted a link after seeing Rob's post with "suspended 4 games for PED violation"
Then, I see that someone posted the idea in here.

I'm assuming 10 people are now going to submit identical threads.
 
2012-12-04 04:26:35 PM  

m1ke: lecavalier: I have a feeling the Patriots are going to beat the Texans quite handily. I know that sounds crazy but I can see a 34-14 win.

Yea I'm having the same feeling that it will be over by halftime. Too many damn injuries in the secondary. Brady is going to put up a forty-burger.


The Pats haven't magically patched everything up. They've played a couple of weak teams. Kubiak is part of the Shanahan/has Belichick's number clan. Schaub should throw for 350. I'm terrified of this game as a rehash of those "Patriots can't close against good teams" games.
 
2012-12-04 04:27:05 PM  

Treygreen13: Bunny Deville: Also, it's a weekly tradition in our house to gather on the deck and smoke as I recite The Jake for the husband and #2. Reading it out loud, especially when you have theatrical experience, makes it even more fun.

You should make a video one week of a dramatic reading of The Fail.


Oh wow. We uhhh... we might have to do that. I like that the fail has fluidity. Unlike the Jake, it isn't based on numbers,It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead...by laughing...

I'm liking this.
 
2012-12-04 04:27:23 PM  

bulldg4life: I went and submitted a link after seeing Rob's post with "suspended 4 games for PED violation"
Then, I see that someone posted the idea in here.

I'm assuming 10 people are now going to submit identical threads.


Yep, already happening, lol. Behold the power of Fark on itself.
 
2012-12-04 04:27:27 PM  

Di Atribe: LucklessWonder: And even Cowboys fans love the Redskins QB.

Find me someone who doesn't love Bobby Three Sticks. I bet they're all jealous Colts fans.


PaulieattheTap: DI you Graaffs are always great, they let me see the NFL power trends.

YAY! That's why I started doing them. I wanted to see the chaos. And it is. ESPN doesn't know what the fark they're doing. XD


roc6783: Is that a pic of the dead cat taking it's last bounce? Creepy kitteh is creepy.

It's Grumpy Cat! Roc.... tell me you've seen Grumpy Cat before.


"Bobby Three Sticks" is full of win.
 
2012-12-04 04:28:21 PM  

bulldg4life: I went and submitted a link after seeing Rob's post with "suspended 4 games for PED violation"
Then, I see that someone posted the idea in here.

I'm assuming 10 people are now going to submit identical threads.


There's 4 in the queue so far.
 
2012-12-04 04:28:22 PM  

LucklessWonder: robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.


Done. Newsflashed it, too, which always gets some panties in a twist.
 
2012-12-04 04:29:34 PM  

robsul82: Yep, already happening, lol. Behold the power of Fark on itself.


LucklessWonder: There's 4 in the queue so far.


Damnit. I thought I had a surefire gem. I did use a newsflash to try and get some atten---

Gonz: Done. Newsflashed it, too, which always gets some panties in a twist.


SONOFAbiatch
 
2012-12-04 04:34:41 PM  
Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.
 
2012-12-04 04:35:08 PM  
NFL Network just announced that Urlacher may miss rest of the regular season due to a hamstring injury he suffered late in the game against Seattle.

/ I has a sad
 
2012-12-04 04:37:57 PM  

Gonz: Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.


The short while I've been here.
1. Farkers are great, supportive and informative people except the occasional troll or self righteous ignorant ahole.
2. Link submitting is the cruelest process imaginable.
 
2012-12-04 04:39:28 PM  

INeedAName: Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.


Meanwhile, in Dallas, all we hear is "Yeah yeah, don't get excited, Cowboys fans."


Dr Dreidel: // Di will tell you that it's because we suck and are dumb and racist and also our team is bad and we should feel bad


The Ravens aren't racist or do you consider yourself bi?

Pulling for the Ravens this week, you know. Better be nice to me or I'll hex 'em.


/no, i won't
 
2012-12-04 04:43:43 PM  

PaulieattheTap: NFL Network just announced that Urlacher may miss rest of the regular season due to a hamstring injury he suffered late in the game against Seattle.

/ I has a sad


That pretty much sporks the Bears. Maybe the Lions will reach 50% win rate?

Sorry Bears fans, silver lining.
 
2012-12-04 04:44:19 PM  

Gonz: Bulldg, when you've been a member of this site as long as I have, you learn a thing or two.

I can't believe I've been here over a decade.


Wow you're old
 
2012-12-04 04:46:14 PM  

Di Atribe: INeedAName: Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.

Meanwhile, in Dallas, all we hear is "Yeah yeah, don't get excited, Cowboys fans."


Dr Dreidel: // Di will tell you that it's because we suck and are dumb and racist and also our team is bad and we should feel bad

The Ravens aren't racist or do you consider yourself bi?

Pulling for the Ravens this week, you know. Better be nice to me or I'll hex 'em.


/no, i won't


It's Joe Flacco on the road, hopefully they'll hex themselves

/Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.
 
2012-12-04 04:46:30 PM  

Zafler: PaulieattheTap: NFL Network just announced that Urlacher may miss rest of the regular season due to a hamstring injury he suffered late in the game against Seattle.

/ I has a sad

That pretty much sporks the Bears. Maybe the Lions will reach 50% win rate?

Sorry Bears fans, silver lining.


They still have briggs, tillman, peppers, that other corner who never gets credit, and Cutler isn't sucking. They lost one at home to the Troll hawks, but go on with the panicking Bears fans. Its entertaining.

/can't wait 2 weeks. Gonna be a good one on soldier field
 
2012-12-04 04:48:06 PM  

robsul82: Friends,


Ladies and Gentlemen, what we have seen here was an unadulterated display of class and professionalism under the direst of circumstances. And I think we all know how robsul82 was able to do it.


The Magic of RG3

i.imgur.com
 
2012-12-04 04:49:19 PM  

LucklessWonder: robsul82: Urlacher gone at least 3 games, Cedric Griffin of the Redskins suspended 4 games for PED violation.

Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.


Unfortunately the last few time a misdirection headline like this happened, the modmins ruined the fun by clarifying the headline.

The last two I remember were "LeBron suspended for 50 games in Cleveland" one and the "Ravens Star Reed suspended 4 games". Maybe this one will make it without a mod ruining the fun.
 
2012-12-04 04:50:10 PM  

Di Atribe: LucklessWonder: ***snip***

It's Grumpy Cat! Roc.... tell me you've seen Grumpy Cat before.


I would assume so, but not sure. Creeped me out it did.

thecpt: roc6783: ***snip***

We better not lose to Detroit next week...but I see that happening. They just look gassed and have little consistency.


Ayup. I could totally see 11-5 record, win the division, and then get bounced at home in a completely flat game. The team just seems deflated by the injuries instead of sharpened like in 2010, and that is unfortunate for fans. There have been few games where they just took it to the other team for 4 quarters. Everything just seems sloppy and slow, and it starts with the O-Line.
 
2012-12-04 04:50:55 PM  

PaulieattheTap: NFL Network just announced that Urlacher may miss rest of the regular season due to a hamstring injury he suffered late in the game against Seattle.

/ I has a sad


Well, end of the regular season anyway. He could be back for Week 17, but most likely by the playoffs.

/We hope
 
2012-12-04 04:51:11 PM  

thecpt: They still have briggs, tillman, peppers, that other corner who never gets credit, and Cutler isn't sucking. They lost one at home to the Troll hawks, but go on with the panicking Bears fans. Its entertaining.


Which is silly because they lose to the Seahawks in Chicago every year.

/but they were wise enough to pick their one win to be the playoff game
 
2012-12-04 04:52:10 PM  

LucklessWonder: It's Joe Flacco on the road, hopefully they'll hex themselves

/Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.


Is 30 miles away really "on the road?" Down the road, maybe.
 
2012-12-04 04:53:20 PM  

INeedAName: I just need... I just need to take a second... Seriously, I need you all to listen.

I live in DC. Just moved here this summer. Initially I thought, man some of this political talk radio is delusional, but then football started...

It's like the entire DC metro area lives in a mass delusion perpetrated by the hope that their lives, and indeed their football team, aren't entirely comprised of sheer misery.

This morning I got to hear a twenty minute rant from fans about how the 6-6 Redskins were a dominat team in the NFL because they beat the 7-5 Giants. Are you farking kidding me!?

Your team is @ .500 with fours weeks to go, and you act like they just punched their ticket to the Super Bowl. This shiat is absolutely pathetic.


I a Giants fan that has lived here for 6 years now. You get use to it. Every year, without fail, the Skins fanbase gets themselves worked up into a frenzy. RGIII has only added a little bit to this- it was the same way in the Jason Campbell years, not that anyone will admit it now. RGIII is good, but they seem to missing the fact that they beat the Giants by a single point and the G'nts went a long way to beating themselves with all those penalties (most called against the Giants since 2009).
 
2012-12-04 04:53:45 PM  

Di Atribe: LucklessWonder: It's Joe Flacco on the road, hopefully they'll hex themselves

/Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.

Is 30 miles away really "on the road?" Down the road, maybe.


It's 30 miles further from JoeBert's stash of delicious hot cocoa with kosher marshmallows
 
2012-12-04 04:57:01 PM  

thecpt: Zafler: PaulieattheTap: ***snip***

/can't wait 2 weeks. Gonna be a good one on soldier field


Hopefully Matthews will be ready to go, then Cutler can resume receiving his weekly recommended allowance of turf.

//Not looking forward to it at all. Just keep it close so I don't have to see skrame do a happy dance. Haven't seen that much jiggle since the Jello incident in '04.
 
2012-12-04 05:02:43 PM  

roc6783: Hopefully Matthews will be ready to go, then Cutler can resume receiving his weekly recommended allowance of turf.


Looks like Lang, Mathews and Woodson will all be ready so Cutler will get his turf diet, sack lunches, and CUTLERCEPTIONS while Rodgers will be slightly safer.
 
2012-12-04 05:03:02 PM  

LucklessWonder: Someone submit this with the headline "Redskins' Griffin out for final 4 games of regular season" and watch heads explode.



in training camp, arizona cut [name] SKelton, a TE who is also QB John Skelton's brother (one of I think 4 brother combos in the league; the Skeltons, the mcCown QBs, obv les frères Manning, i think there's a Celek on either SFO or GRB and obviously Philly, and I think there's a LB duo).

anyways, in the heat of the "kolb or skelton?" fiasco which was getting some national attention, as Arizona wsa the last team to announce its QB, when Skelton was cut, I submitted:

"In stunning NFL news, Cardinals release Skelton".

It stayed black for a long motherfarking time, in that twilight zone of not greenlit but not redlit, and there were about a dozen posts ranging between, "i see what you did there", "you clever bastard" or "wow you really had us fooled, submitter". then it was redlit.
 
2012-12-04 05:04:19 PM  

LucklessWonder: /Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.



trap game.
 
2012-12-04 05:04:31 PM  

degenerate-afro: Also while I understand Flacco getting heat for "not beating Batch", I must once again point out that Flacco was playing against the #1 rated defense in the NFL and twice put the Ravens ahead with great passes under pressure and twice the Ravens 25th ranked defense failed to hold onto a TD lead.


Steeler fan here so take it as you might...

I've never thought of Flacco as an elite quarterback but similar to Dilfer in that combined with a great defense they can go far. This year the defense doesn't have it but somehow they've lucked their way into a 9-3 record. (4th and 29?!?) Flacco did jack squat in Pittsburgh this year and Baltimore won because of a blown special teams play with Leftwich as QB. (At least Leftwich scored a TD in that game... Flacco managed two FGs)

As far as my team... I figured they were going to be 8-8 after the Broncos game and continued to think 8-8 to 9-7 since. I got my hopes up some after the Giants game but they crushed those hopes with moronic losses to Baltimore and Cleveland. (Seriously, I think Tomlin has *just* started to watch the same game we are) The last four games are completely winnable but in true Pittsburgh Steelers fashion they will find a way to lose one in a team-fail effort just like the Cleveland game. 10-6 will get them into the playoffs, as long as they beat Cincinnati. 9-7 might be good enough too if they beat Cincinnati and Cincinnati drops another one.
 
2012-12-04 05:09:51 PM  

rickythepenguin: LucklessWonder: /Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.


trap game.


There's no such farking thing in the... *reads user name*

www.lolbrary.com

/Love that dog's face.
 
2012-12-04 05:20:56 PM  

LucklessWonder: rickythepenguin: LucklessWonder: /Expecting a Redskins let down loss vs the Ratbirds.


trap game.

There's no such farking thing in the... *reads user name*

[www.lolbrary.com image 447x718]

/Love that dog's face.


Speaking of that dog, I made this a couple weeks ago but he's given me no excuse to use it since I made it.
i291.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-04 05:22:05 PM  

Treygreen13: Speaking of that dog, I made this a couple weeks ago but he's given me no excuse to use it since I made it.



dammit. images blocked.
 
2012-12-04 05:22:23 PM  
Okay, here it is, after a while hiatus: The Totally Inaccurate Computer Rankings for week 14:

1. Houston (2432 points)
2. New England (2261)
3. Atlanta (2251)
4. Baltimore (1940.5)
5. San Francisco (1936.5)
6. Denver (1934)
7. Green Bay (1820)
8. Chicago (1759.5)
9. New York Giants (1719.5)
10. Seattle (1684)
11. Indianapolis (1592)
12. Pittsburgh (1572)
13. Cincinnati (1461.5)
14. Washington (1415)
15. Tampa Bay (1275.5)
16. Dallas (1262.5)
17. Minnesota (1254)
18. New Orleans (1199)
19. St. Louis (1192)
20. Miami (1122)
21. New York Jets (1071)
22. Detroit (967.5)
23. Buffalo (959.5)
24. Arizona (923)
25. Cleveland (892)
26. Tennessee (854)
27. San Diego (817)
28. Philadelphia (722.5)
29. Carolina (698)
30. Oakland (563)
31. Jacksonville (439)
32. Kansas City (375)
 
2012-12-04 05:23:45 PM  

rickythepenguin: Treygreen13: Speaking of that dog, I made this a couple weeks ago but he's given me no excuse to use it since I made it.


dammit. images blocked.


It's the same as the "Oh YOU" image with the guy looking down at the dog, except I photoshopped Romo on the guy's face and Dez Bryant's face on the dog.
 
2012-12-04 05:25:53 PM  
Ranked behind a team with the same record we have, and which we beat the dogsh*t out of. But, there's no east coast bias....
 
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