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(Patch)   Explain this to your kid: Santa can fly around the world in an open sleigh and jump down chimneys, but it is not safe for him to ride on top of a firetruck in a parade   (hampton-northhampton.patch.com ) divider line 69
    More: Unlikely, ladder trucks, marine transfer operations, Mrs. Claus, National Fire Protection Association, parades, Safety First  
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3062 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2012 at 4:10 PM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



69 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-12-03 02:40:02 PM  
Santa is a grown-up, that's why.

/old school
 
2012-12-03 02:54:30 PM  
Santa can't die.

Because he's not real, but that's beside the point. There is no Santa the First or Santa the four hundredth. There has always bee only one Santa.

Because he's immortal.

He's the Highlander.
 
2012-12-03 03:16:36 PM  

ToxicMunkee: Santa can't die.


I think he resurrects after three days.
 
2012-12-03 03:20:06 PM  
When I was a fireman, we rode the tailboard. Damned kids today are a bunch of sissies

/remove thineself from my greensward
 
2012-12-03 03:33:09 PM  
Santa is setting a good example for kids. Of course he wouldn't get hurt, but a kid might try to emulate him and fall off the firetruck and get hurt.

Duh.
 
2012-12-03 03:33:37 PM  
Son, you're 32 years old now and it's time to realize that Santa is a silly myth.
 
2012-12-03 03:37:32 PM  
It would be more symbolic if Santa came in riding a huge cash register anyway.
 
2012-12-03 03:49:30 PM  
Also, explain to your kids to not talk to strangers, but never mind the fat man creeping around in the chimney who wants you to sit on his lap.
 
2012-12-03 03:51:01 PM  

gopher321: It would be more symbolic if Santa came in riding a huge cash register anyway.


On Dollar! On Ruble! On Euro and Drachma! On Peso! On Ruble! On Yen and Taka!
 
2012-12-03 03:56:29 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: gopher321: It would be more symbolic if Santa came in riding a huge cash register anyway.

On Dollar! On Ruble! On Euro and Drachma! On Peso! On Ruble! On Yen and Taka!


Two reindeer named "ruble," otherwise, that's pretty good.
 
2012-12-03 03:57:01 PM  
Because Santa isn't real and that fat guy on top of the fire truck is probably drunk?
 
2012-12-03 03:57:31 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: MaudlinMutantMollusk: gopher321: It would be more symbolic if Santa came in riding a huge cash register anyway.

On Dollar! On Ruble! On Euro and Drachma! On Peso! On Ruble! On Yen and Taka!

Two reindeer named "ruble," otherwise, that's pretty good.


Yeah... I got flustered by all that money and repeated myself

/so close
 
2012-12-03 04:08:26 PM  
Well, yes.

This is because just prior to Mr. Claus leaving on Christmas eve an elf is sacrificed in sort of a santanic ritual..
 
2012-12-03 04:14:14 PM  
Efficient parent - "Because the sleigh has seatbelts and the top of a truck doesn't."

Actually, from the photos, the antique truck is a 1000x better fit anyway.
 
2012-12-03 04:15:07 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties


MaudlinMutantMollusk: gopher321: It would be more symbolic if Santa came in riding a huge cash register anyway.

On Dollar! On Ruble! On Euro and Drachma! On Peso! On Ruble! On Yen and Taka!

Two reindeer named "ruble," otherwise, that's pretty good.


Rubles have been devalued quite a bit over the years, so you need more of them to get anywhere.
 
2012-12-03 04:16:58 PM  

WORKS LONG HOURS TO BUY KIDS XMAS GIFTS

2.bp.blogspot.com

SANTA GETS ALL THE CREDIT

 
2012-12-03 04:17:06 PM  
As someone whose father dresses up as Santa every year...
 
2012-12-03 04:17:29 PM  
Easy. It's Obama's fault.
 
2012-12-03 04:18:18 PM  
The sleigh is obviously surrounded by an anti-gravity field that allows it to fly, whereas the fire truck is not. Now if you had a flying fire truck, that would be a different story.
 
2012-12-03 04:19:01 PM  
The Krampus was driving?

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-12-03 04:19:03 PM  

Arkanaut: Easy. It's Obama's fault.


Maybe....you know Romney doesn't give a sh*t about things on the roofs of vehicles.
 
2012-12-03 04:20:59 PM  
Santa is able to do all these things using the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. That's why your parents tell you to go to bed and not try to see Santa. In a parade with all those observers, the probability matrix collapses and he's just a fatass.
 
2012-12-03 04:21:46 PM  
Because you've got less athletic ability than an old fat guy, kid.
 
2012-12-03 04:22:48 PM  
Let the kid put some of Santas "magic dust" up his nose and he will think he is riding high.
 
2012-12-03 04:28:09 PM  
Just tell the kids all the mall guys and parade guys are 'helping' Santa. It will save explanations when Santa is drunk, doesn't know what the kid wants, doesn't "tell Santa the right gifts", has a beard come off, runs into another Santa, doesn't look like the last Santa, or does anything dumb.
 
2012-12-03 04:28:09 PM  
We need more Krampus up in this biatch.
www.ripleys.com
 
2012-12-03 04:28:47 PM  
I remember getting really excited to see Santa drive around on the fire trucks when I was a kid. You suck, Hampton.
 
2012-12-03 04:29:09 PM  
Every year at my old elementary school the local fire department would come to the gym and teach fire safety to all of the students. Afterwards they gave gave rides on top of one of the fire engines to a dozen or so students at a time for the entire kindergarten class. They don't do it anymore over liability concerns.
 
2012-12-03 04:29:17 PM  
Let's not forget Zwarte Piet.
offtrackplanet.com
 
2012-12-03 04:30:17 PM  
Easy. Just tell all the kids everywhere Santa is made up, then turn Xmas into a holiday about reason and critical thinking.

/Why yes, I'm loads of fun at parties.
 
2012-12-03 04:32:22 PM  
They ought to do it anyway and fark the rules. It's goddamned Santa. STFU and make the kids happy.
 
2012-12-03 04:33:48 PM  
At our Christmas Parade this weekend Santa was riding on a ladder truck and took a power line to the face.

/the kids heard Santa say a naughty word
 
2012-12-03 04:37:34 PM  
"What's that sonny? Why the Fark would Santa be on a fire truck in the first farking place? In a parade in farking Hampton?? Well now lemme see..."
 
2012-12-03 04:37:46 PM  
Santa flies high enough that if he were to fall out, the reindeer would have the time/space needed to catch him before he hit. Not so with fire trucks.
 
2012-12-03 04:39:02 PM  

Doctor Funkenstein: Because Santa isn't real and that fat guy on top of the fire truck is probably drunk?


As someone who just rode in a christmas parade, drunk, on top of a fire engine, I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

/Not fat
//Nor Santa
 
2012-12-03 04:39:44 PM  

StoPPeRmobile: Let's not forget Zwarte Piet.
[offtrackplanet.com image 801x533]


My Swiss classmate explained that good children get presents but the bad children ares stuffed into a sack by Black Peter who then kicks the shiat out them. The mental image was less of a jolly Moorish blackface character and more like some big linebacker dude shouting "I'm sick of your shiat, you lil bastards, I'm gonna whoop yer asses!"
 
2012-12-03 04:40:51 PM  
That dude on the fire truck isn't the REAL Santa... he's not farking magic.
 
2012-12-03 04:43:19 PM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: At our Christmas Parade this weekend Santa was riding on a ladder truck and took a power line to the face.

/the kids heard Santa say a naughty word


One year, in the little town I used to live in, Santa had far too much Yuletide cheer before the parade. "Happy Easter! Happy New Year! Merry F**kin' Christmas!"

Yeah, he didn't get re-hired for the next parade.
 
2012-12-03 04:48:07 PM  

maxalt: magic dust


Came for magic dust reference, leaving with a post nasal drip
 
2012-12-03 04:56:33 PM  

ThatGuyFromTheInternet: ToxicMunkee: Santa can't die.

I think he resurrects after three days.


Well he did die for our presents. Can I get a HO! HO! HO!


/You better be good, for goodness sake.
 
2012-12-03 04:57:06 PM  
Santa does NOT deliver presents in an open sleigh to kids all over the world. At the speed he'd have to travel, the shockwave would flatten your house when he landed. Instead, he delivers them via Butterfly Effect.
 
2012-12-03 04:58:39 PM  
'Safety' Leads to Parade Controversy After Santa Told Can't Ride Atop Ladder Truck

2.bp.blogspot.com

I realize news headlines can make reductions to conserve space, but seriously WTF? Two verbs together?
 
2012-12-03 05:01:08 PM  

Rindred: Santa does NOT deliver presents in an open sleigh to kids all over the world. At the speed he'd have to travel, the shockwave would flatten your house when he landed. Instead, he delivers them via Butterfly Effect.


I did not see any Santa in that movie.

Santa is a Time Lord, he has all the time he needs, more then that Santa has all ready delivered all presents to everybody for every year.

Now he just hangs out in Cancun drinking Mai Tai's and enjoying the beach.
 
2012-12-03 05:02:35 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: Well he did die for our presents. Can I get a HO! HO! HO!


Joseph isn't going to let you get in on his little divine slut action.
 
2012-12-03 05:06:02 PM  
Explain this to your kids: Santa Clause, AKA Saint Nicholas, is the patron saint of children, thieves, and pawnbrokers.

/and some other stuff
//but those are the interesting points
 
2012-12-03 05:10:34 PM  
Why does Santa need to ride on a fire truck, anyways? What's wrong with that fat fark riding in his sleigh, pulled by those mincing little homo reindeers?
 
2012-12-03 05:11:33 PM  

DeadGeek: Explain this to your kids: Santa Clause, AKA Saint Nicholas, is the patron saint of children, thieves, and pawnbrokers.

/and some other stuff
//but those are the interesting points


So that's how he gets all those presents...
 
2012-12-03 05:11:37 PM  

Earguy: Santa is a grown-up, that's why.

/old school


'cause I said so


/older school
 
2012-12-03 05:11:54 PM  
Cause there's people in the world called insurance agents. If they catch the firemen giving Santa rides like that, they'll drop the firemen's insurance. The firemen will be uninsured, which is a big problem for the city. The city loses its insurance, which is a big problem for the county. Repeat until you get to the federal level and you then you kill the dollar. Santa doesn't want an entire economic collapse to be his fault, so he just doesn't ride on the firetruck. He's capable, but doesn't want to push the issue.

When Santa drops down chimneys, he's acting alone and technically breaking and entering. There's no insurance agent that will cover that kind of activity, but since this just affects Santa's operation, he says, "Fark it." and does it anyway.

Santa's kind of a punk and sometimes shows a devil-may-care attitude that you should never exhibit, kids.
 
2012-12-03 05:21:45 PM  
or how about you don't lie to your kids?
 
2012-12-03 05:24:59 PM  
send those Hampton kids over to Action Park country. Santa will not only be on the fire truck, he'll be reeking of Santa fluid and tossing candy canes and what-not to all the girls and boys.

/keepin' it real in Action Park country
//ho ho ho, motherfarkers
 
2012-12-03 05:28:26 PM  
he did in the parade in my town. So did the local HS cheerleading squads
 
2012-12-03 05:31:13 PM  

tbhouston: or how about you don't lie to your kids?


Came here to say this.

My parents sold me the Santa myth at the same time they were telling me about God and Jesus, so in my little mind they were all entwined together - the invisible guy watching over you to make sure you're nice and not naughty, celebrating Jesus' birthday. So when I found out that the two people I trusted most in the world had lied to me year after year about one invisible sky fairy (and trust me, it was devastating to learn the truth), I automatically assumed they had lied about a lot of other things too. God being one of them. I never trusted authority after that. They lie.
 
2012-12-03 05:37:14 PM  
The Santa that rides my local VFD's truck wears safety straps. Never been an issue.
 
2012-12-03 05:55:56 PM  

Punk Rock Hippie: tbhouston: or how about you don't lie to your kids?

Came here to say this.

My parents sold me the Santa myth at the same time they were telling me about God and Jesus, so in my little mind they were all entwined together - the invisible guy watching over you to make sure you're nice and not naughty, celebrating Jesus' birthday. So when I found out that the two people I trusted most in the world had lied to me year after year about one invisible sky fairy (and trust me, it was devastating to learn the truth), I automatically assumed they had lied about a lot of other things too. God being one of them. I never trusted authority after that. They lie.


I never really understood people who stopped believing in Santa but continued believing in other myths. How do you not figure out that they're essentially the same thing at the same time?
 
2012-12-03 05:59:04 PM  
Psh they look safe inside that railing, fark National Fire Protection Agency Guideline 1500. In our town the whole varsity football team sits on top of one of the ladder trucks for the homecoming parade.
 
2012-12-03 06:01:51 PM  
Easy: the real Santa is a sparkly vampire.
 
2012-12-03 06:09:31 PM  
Explain this to kids, if Santa has a sleigh why the fark is he being flown to the trauma center after falling off the fire truck head first and suffering massive head trauma...
 
2012-12-03 06:15:53 PM  
Santa is really someone else...his name is scrambled!!
 
2012-12-03 06:22:55 PM  

AdolfOliverPanties: MaudlinMutantMollusk: gopher321: It would be more symbolic if Santa came in riding a huge cash register anyway.

On Dollar! On Ruble! On Euro and Drachma! On Peso! On Ruble! On Yen and Taka!

Two reindeer named "ruble," otherwise, that's pretty good.


They were named by the Hamburgler.
 
2012-12-03 06:58:04 PM  
Santa's magic only works on xmas eve, next stupid question.
 
2012-12-03 08:19:26 PM  
There are no stupid questions, but some of the answers are pretty retarded.
 
2012-12-03 08:39:21 PM  

I_Am_Weasel: Well, yes.

This is because just prior to Mr. Claus leaving on Christmas eve an elf is sacrificed in sort of a santanic ritual..


What a Santanic ritual might sound like black magic woman
 
2012-12-03 10:09:52 PM  

tbhouston: or how about you don't lie to your kids?


Bah, everyone lies to their kids. When they start to see through the Santa lie you know it's also time to stop telling them that if you leave your clothes on the floor it attracts monsters or that those noises were just mommy and daddy cleaning their bedroom extra hard.
 
2012-12-03 11:13:58 PM  
guess that Macy's wont have any riders in the parade next year either?

How about the Chief gets his head outta his ass, digs into the technical gear bag and puts a couple of those climbing harnesses on the Clauses and straps their asses to a railing? (thus preventing a fall similar to Macy's parade riders)

Problem solved ya lame, lazy bastard. lets hope nothing out of the ordinary happens on your watch. I'd hate to be a victim of a tragedy that requires creative thinking in your area. Id be a dead man while you consult your textbook and tell your men (and women) that there is nothing they can do to save me because the book sez so...
 
2012-12-03 11:19:12 PM  
Deputy Fire Chief Jamie Ayotte said he expressed concerns earlier this week to Chief Chris Silver that Hampton's past practice of allowing Santa and Mrs. Claus to ride outside the truck

So Jamie just got finished reading the new manual and decides to go to the chief? It sounds like everyone had turned a blind eye to the infraction for the sake of tradition then deputy Jamie says something to chief which removed plausible deniability. Good luck living that down, Jamie.
 
2012-12-04 02:22:56 AM  

CheekyMonkey: Why does Santa need to ride on a fire truck, anyways? What's wrong with that fat fark riding in his sleigh, pulled by those mincing little homo reindeers?


Jesus, man...did Santa cornhole your mom or something?
 
2012-12-04 02:50:10 AM  
Easy... don't lie to your children and promote their misguided belief in a fictional character.

/ I have 3 kids that never believed in Santa
// Also an Atheist
 
2012-12-04 03:09:20 AM  
Ten to one this is nothing to do with safety, but with the damnable insurance industry.
 
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