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(Wall Street Journal)   90% of businesses plan on having holiday parties, even though 95% of workers would rather just have cash or time off   (blogs.wsj.com) divider line 54
    More: Obvious, champagne, Ferris wheels, staffing firm  
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4973 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2012 at 1:43 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-12-03 01:49:47 PM  
8 votes:
i1151.photobucket.com
2012-12-03 10:47:35 AM  
8 votes:
We have the shiattiest office parties ever. Like, legendarily bad. We pay for our own food, there's no alcohol, and we're expected to be back at our desks by 2:00 p.m. Nothing like watching stone-cold-sober civil servants do the macarena at lunch time. One year we had a magician going table-to-table doing tricks with elastic bands. He kept trying to guess which card we'd chosen, and failing. After four wrong attempts we just asked him to go. Then the fat girl in HR sings carols.

Another year, we had to make nativity scenes out of the food and centrepieces on our table. I carved a baby Jesus out of a butter pat and hollowed out a bread roll for his manger. Again, sober.

A friend of mine's office is doing an HR "fun training session" plus a potluck.

I swear to god, I don't know what I'd do without the scotch in my desk drawer.
2012-12-03 11:43:26 AM  
6 votes:
Perfect...just polished off the final packet from last year's Hot Cocoa Sampler Box this morning.
2012-12-03 01:50:11 PM  
5 votes:
gothamist.com

Your typical office Christmas party these days.

/hot
2012-12-03 03:59:35 PM  
4 votes:

ChipNASA: dj_spanmaster: Mr. Eugenides: I've got the Christmas party next week. It's director level and above only. Open bar, slutty trophy wives and girlfriends dressing to impress. What's not to like?

I dare you to load up on sauerkraut, Taco Bell, and yogurt before the event, and blow that party up.

[blogs.dallasobserver.com image 297x499]

[soundeclipse.files.wordpress.com image 404x332]

[ecx.images-amazon.com image 300x300]


Crop Dust.


Oh, woah, dude - pickled eggs AND red hots? That's a Nazi-level crime against humanity.

The eggs will seal up your colon like a block of cement, allowing the sausages to ferment until they produce enough gas to blow past the egg block. Once that happens all you can do is call the fire department and the haz-mat team.
2012-12-03 02:30:54 PM  
4 votes:
At FoxConn I heard they strung festive Christmas lights all through the suicide nets.
2012-12-03 01:49:59 PM  
4 votes:
img357.imageshack.us

/hot like a sampler box.
2012-12-03 02:32:31 PM  
3 votes:
You ever read a story think "Jesus Christ. I hope they're divorced now for his sake." Because I just did.
2012-12-03 02:20:20 PM  
3 votes:
After years of no "official" party our new VP -- who was old enough to talk about that whippersnapper Hannibal and his wacky elephant ideas -- put together a real hootenanny.

From 3-4PM on a workday we were all invited to come to the conference room where there were TWO three-liter bottles of Ghetto Cola and a giant bag of popcorn -- the kind that KMart sells in the "So you're totally out of ideas" gift section -- available for your dining pleasure. We also got our "present" -- a cheap color photocopy of the CEO's official portrait.
2012-12-03 01:46:41 PM  
3 votes:
Yeah, but cash or time off don't let you play "is this the career-ending drink?" roulette.
2012-12-03 01:29:00 PM  
3 votes:
I worked at a place where they had dreadful holiday parties. The big bosses would give speeches about business. They'd ramble for 20-30 minutes on boring stuff and you could not leave.

I'd load up on cocktails before the speeches began and would have three or four drinks on table. I'd get a good buzz that would take me through.

During a meeting one year, they announced that there would be no raises. People were not happy. The idiot witch HR manager blustered that "well, we have a nice holiday party."

I responded, 'I can't make a car payment with a holiday party.' She hated me even more after that.
2012-12-03 10:24:44 AM  
3 votes:
So, 95% of workers are ungrateful , entitled and lazy? Way to slam the workers of America, subbs.
2012-12-03 05:11:07 PM  
2 votes:

pmmal: started telecommuting this year. Received an invitation to a "virtual holiday party," along with instructions to take a picture of a white elephant gift and send it to the organizer. WTF do I do with this?


Skype in from a strip club?
2012-12-03 03:53:02 PM  
2 votes:

Mr. Eugenides: I've got the Christmas party next week. It's director level and above only. Open bar, slutty trophy wives and girlfriends dressing to impress. What's not to like?


I dare you to load up on sauerkraut, Taco Bell, and yogurt before the event, and blow that party up.
2012-12-03 03:51:43 PM  
2 votes:

Mudd's woman: This white elephant gift exchange is a new one to me....and new for our place this year. Any good suggestions???


DILDO and LUBE
2012-12-03 03:32:06 PM  
2 votes:

vevolis: I work at a fairly decent place and the management is respectful. If this weren't the case, I'd be flinging all kinds of shiat...


This is very important and sadly rare. My company's philosophy is "Health, Family, Work" in that order, and as it turns out we employees get sh*t done and keep our customers happy.

GladGirl: Pretty awkward to watch your head of HR do karaoke on a stage in front of 500 people.


I did cause a few blushing faces when I did "Chocolate Salty Balls" in karaoke at last year's party... waaaaay too early in the evening.
2012-12-03 02:44:41 PM  
2 votes:
images1.wikia.nocookie.net
disappoint party planning committee has a disappoint
2012-12-03 02:31:31 PM  
2 votes:

dmax: I get a large budget to throw the annual party for my team

Summary: no matter what you do, you're dammed.


Dude, I hear you. I was in charge of such things at a previous office and there's no way you can please even half of the people.

So what I finally did was this: took a poll and asked if people wanted a party, or did they want to go home early?

I had a budget so I divided it up so that, say, it worked out to Y dollars per person. When 20 people wanted a party, I did the math - Y x 20, and used that figure to plan a party at a local restaurant.

The rest of the money I gave out, in equal amounts, to the people who wanted to go home early.

Did that work. Of course not.

"He got to go home early and got a check - that's unfair!"

"She got a nice party at the restaurant, I went home to my cat. That's unfair!"

In the intervening years, both my mother and my brother died at Christmas time, so now I have an "official" excuse to hate the holidays and most people leave me alone about it now.

/not that I'm advocating family murders to avoid the office holiday party . . .
2012-12-03 02:17:29 PM  
2 votes:
I'd appreciate some co-workers if they weren't all out to steal my precious.
2012-12-03 01:51:46 PM  
2 votes:
Our holiday party this year includes salsa dancing lessons. It's being held at work and the flyers point out in bold that spouses are *not* invited (same as last year). I'm not sure there will be enough alcohol on hand to even make me consider dancing with co-workers. Mad Men, we ain't.
2012-12-03 01:34:05 PM  
2 votes:

kid_icarus: CapeFearCadaver: kid_icarus: 100% of me never goes to the Xmas party. I hate seeing coworkers in a social setting.

I've been to a couple of them, they're just weird. Gave my NotRSVP today.

You work here?


Looking over your shoulder right now.
2012-12-03 10:58:20 AM  
2 votes:

God Is My Co-Pirate: We have the shiattiest office parties ever. Like, legendarily bad. We pay for our own food, there's no alcohol, and we're expected to be back at our desks by 2:00 p.m. Nothing like watching stone-cold-sober civil servants do the macarena at lunch time. One year we had a magician going table-to-table doing tricks with elastic bands. He kept trying to guess which card we'd chosen, and failing. After four wrong attempts we just asked him to go. Then the fat girl in HR sings carols.

Another year, we had to make nativity scenes out of the food and centrepieces on our table. I carved a baby Jesus out of a butter pat and hollowed out a bread roll for his manger. Again, sober.

A friend of mine's office is doing an HR "fun training session" plus a potluck.

I swear to god, I don't know what I'd do without the scotch in my desk drawer.


Your work place?
i76.photobucket.com
2012-12-03 07:13:03 PM  
1 votes:
I'd rather pick fly shiat out of pepper.
2012-12-03 05:29:00 PM  
1 votes:
Year One: We went to a country club (that welcomed people of all colors who had the money to join), with prime rib and lobster on the menu. Unfortunately the planners spent liberally on food and skimped on service, so the meal was served well into the evening.

Year Two: A better balance was struck, with chicken and pork loin with gravy, potatoes, vegetables, dessert and an ice sculpture topped with shrimp in cocktail sauce -- service was quite good this time.

Year Three: No party for lower management and techies, so we had potluck where 30 people brought dishes. We graciously invited upper management to partake. This was the best.

Year Four: Started my own business -- no office lunch.
2012-12-03 04:20:05 PM  
1 votes:

Parthenogenetic: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Perfect...just polished off the final packet from last year's Hot Cocoa Sampler Box this morning.

Came here to post this.

Source for the n00bs


24.media.tumblr.com
2012-12-03 04:19:55 PM  
1 votes:
Well yeah, subby, how else am I supposed to proposition the recently divorced milf from admin for a blowjob??
2012-12-03 04:12:05 PM  
1 votes:

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Perfect...just polished off the final packet from last year's Hot Cocoa Sampler Box this morning.


Came here to post this.

Source for the n00bs
2012-12-03 04:08:50 PM  
1 votes:

Mudd's woman: ChipNASA: Mudd's woman: This white elephant gift exchange is a new one to me....and new for our place this year. Any good suggestions???

DILDO and LUBE

ProfessorOhki: Mudd's woman: This white elephant gift exchange is a new one to me....and new for our place this year. Any good suggestions???

A TF subscription.

hmmm...I wonder if doing both suggestions would be too much.


A tad. Best just go with a TF Subscription and lube.
2012-12-03 03:56:49 PM  
1 votes:

dj_spanmaster: Mr. Eugenides: I've got the Christmas party next week. It's director level and above only. Open bar, slutty trophy wives and girlfriends dressing to impress. What's not to like?

I dare you to load up on sauerkraut, Taco Bell, and yogurt before the event, and blow that party up.


blogs.dallasobserver.com

soundeclipse.files.wordpress.com

ecx.images-amazon.com


Crop Dust.
2012-12-03 03:44:18 PM  
1 votes:

ahchoo: God Is My Co-Pirate: We have the shiattiest office parties ever. Like, legendarily bad. We pay for our own food, there's no alcohol, and we're expected to be back at our desks by 2:00 p.m. Nothing like watching stone-cold-sober civil servants do the macarena at lunch time. One year we had a magician going table-to-table doing tricks with elastic bands. He kept trying to guess which card we'd chosen, and failing. After four wrong attempts we just asked him to go. Then the fat girl in HR sings carols.

Another year, we had to make nativity scenes out of the food and centrepieces on our table. I carved a baby Jesus out of a butter pat and hollowed out a bread roll for his manger. Again, sober.

A friend of mine's office is doing an HR "fun training session" plus a potluck.

I swear to god, I don't know what I'd do without the scotch in my desk drawer.

I am so, so sorry. That's just...wow. That's effin horrible.


But on the plus side, I feel much less guilty about farking at work.
2012-12-03 03:12:02 PM  
1 votes:

olapbill: LasersHurt: I get to be flown in to Ottowa for a party. That's fun, huh? Woo. Ottowa.

Ottawa? can be fun depending on where the party is.


That's where I am. Run. Run like the wind.
2012-12-03 03:04:56 PM  
1 votes:

Lunaville: My husbands' company used to rent out a big space and host spouses and kids. They had gambling games people could buy into and possibly win money. I'm so grateful they decided that was too exorbitant. For years, I was expected to take a portion of my pay ( I worked full time before we had kids.) to purchase a dress suitable for this occasion so I could be trotted around among people I didn't know and feign interest in a company that I did not work for.

One year at one of these functions some twit announced a "mandatory" softball game and tried to bully me into playing softball. After a few polite attempts to decline, I snapped "I don't work here." Unashamed she shot back with "Your husband does." I was so pissed I shouted several feet across to my husband "Get your resume in tip-top shape tonight!" The CEO/Owner came over and told Ms. Priss she couldn't demand a mandatory game with or without people who were actually employed with the company. My husband and I left and argued for three days. Thank G-d, I was not consuming any alcohol or the incident with Ms. Priss could have been unseemly.

Then the kids came. "Oh" I said "It won't be any fun if you have to drag us along. You just go and have a great time and I'll stay home with the kids." Nope, that didn't fly. Too many people in the office were "excited to meet the kids". We had to go. Mind you, these weren't normal two to four hour office parties. These parties lasted for hours and hours and hours. I didn't drive at the time so going to the party meant the kids and I were stuck until my husband decided to leave. After four miserable hours with two babies, who were highly uninterested in the party, I started to beg to go home. Several times my husband said "Well, we'd better get going." Only to have a someone senior to him say "Oh No, you can't leave yet. We haven't had the drawing for .../ the Santa visit/ the some other highlight I could not have cared less about yet." Finally, at more than 6 hours in we were ...


Your husband kind of sounds like a douche.
2012-12-03 02:44:58 PM  
1 votes:

eagles95: I went to my first company party Friday night in the 4 yrs i've worked at my job. It was at the local country club it's been at for the last 55yrs. It was as underwhelming as i thought. Especially since this year they cut out the 1 free drink coupon. Most of us grunts can't afford a $8 bottle of beer. Plus no confirmation if we are getting a bonus. Perhaps spare the expense and give us a few bucks more for bonus or put the money toward infrastructure of our network


I'm guessing it's because your boss (or multiple higher ups in the company) belong to that country club and "it just wouldn't do" to have an official company party anywhere else. It's not about you; it's about them and maintaining appearances. I'm sure there will be chatter at the club about how "poor Charlie's company couldn't afford the drink tickets this year's holiday party. Tsk, tsk, business must be down this year."
2012-12-03 02:35:37 PM  
1 votes:
I work in a pub. Our Christmas parties are *AWESOME*

/Hot female bartender at 12 o'clock.
//Man the torpedoes.
2012-12-03 02:28:51 PM  
1 votes:

CapeFearCadaver: kid_icarus: CapeFearCadaver: kid_icarus: 100% of me never goes to the Xmas party. I hate seeing coworkers in a social setting.

I've been to a couple of them, they're just weird. Gave my NotRSVP today.

You work here?

Looking over your shoulder right now.


Interesting. Are you hot?
2012-12-03 02:25:35 PM  
1 votes:

meat0918: I'm always surprised when my work gets us anything, but if they do give us anything this year, I hope it's just cash.

Last year was a camo cap, with the ladies getting pink camo. The ladies were less than pleased...


I once worked for a company that passed out "you are appreciated" caps with the company logo on them the same day they laid several of us off.
2012-12-03 02:16:57 PM  
1 votes:
i1151.photobucket.com
2012-12-03 02:16:22 PM  
1 votes:
Mr. Coffee Nerves: "Perfect...just polished off the final packet from last year's Hot Cocoa Sampler Box this morning."

+1 internet
2012-12-03 02:08:31 PM  
1 votes:
Our company has cut so much over the last few years, I'm really surprised we still have one.

It's always at a local restaurant on a Wednesday or Thursday. Last year, the boss didn't even show up.
2012-12-03 02:08:00 PM  
1 votes:
I liked office parties when I was working at various law firms. Lotsa drama. The secretaries would bring their husband/boyfriend but their personal lives were always something out of a cops episode. So, it would the 3rd husband or Frank the meth addict loser boyfriend who would spice things up. If any of the secretaries or staff were hot they would have half the attorneys trying to hit on them. Worse was the partner who is bonking one of the secretaries and she's at the party, but has to play nice and shows up with the wife. Or the general having to show up with your gf/wife and that coworker you had some impropriety is also there.

Then there are the lawyers who end up a scotch too far and either embarrass themselves with the secretaries, saying some stupid shiat to the managing partner and/or vomiting - that's every year like clockwork. The drunks at the party are usually biatching a little too loud about the firm, their hourly billables or love life disasters. Sometimes there are successful hookups which will be discussed the next week. But unlike television, lawyers are not the best looking people on the planet, so its nothing to be excited about - the thought of lawyers coupling or reproducing is not a pretty thought.

The one good thing is law firm parties I've gone to never tend to be cheap - at club, restaurant, etc. and its ALWAYS open bar.

Recently moved in-house. This year will suck. No lawyers and no open bar. Just middle-aged hags. Bleah.
rka
2012-12-03 01:55:01 PM  
1 votes:
My wife's company has a fairly good party. It's either at a nice hotel downtown, so you get a room, bring a few bottles of wine, pre-party to your heart's content and don't worry about getting trashed. Or, the last few years they've rented out the club level area at the Bronco's football stadium. Decent food, nice bar. Tours of the stadium going on. The person who plans the whole thing is the CEO's executive assistant and my wife and I hang out with her and her husband socially so drink tickets are never an issue. We spend some time there and then a few of us take off for downtown, continue to have a good time and then use the company provided cab vouchers to get home.

All in all, not a bad way to spend the night.
2012-12-03 01:54:53 PM  
1 votes:
I'm always surprised when my work gets us anything, but if they do give us anything this year, I hope it's just cash.

Last year was a camo cap, with the ladies getting pink camo. The ladies were less than pleased...
2012-12-03 01:54:03 PM  
1 votes:
Our holiday party is over lunch and since I plan to go back to work afterwards I don't get to drink. I'm a department head in a manufacturing plant with unionized employees. If I made anybody unhappy in the past few months (which is impossible NOT to do unless I stay home from work) I can expect them to file a grievance about me being at work with alcohol in me.
2012-12-03 01:52:53 PM  
1 votes:
They buy us lunch at a decent steakhouse and we go back to the office for quick white elephant gift exchange, putz around a bit and go home early. We also get our usual Christmas bonus of around $500 at the same time. It's not much but we're happy to have jobs. The architecture field is a shadow of itself these days.

/still not participating in the Fartbongo recession
2012-12-03 01:51:45 PM  
1 votes:

doczoidberg: My company doesn't do shiat for Christmas.

And for that I am very grateful.

I hate Chritsmas parties...especially those which are work-organized.


Our firm is having it at a cooking school where first there is a cooking class then a dinner. You would want to slit your wrist with one the kitchen knives.
2012-12-03 01:51:09 PM  
1 votes:
I've maintained for years that if the company really wanted me at the Xmas party, it would be on a Friday and start no later than 2pm (it's always on a Thursday evening).
2012-12-03 01:48:12 PM  
1 votes:
My company doesn't do shiat for Christmas.

And for that I am very grateful.

I hate Chritsmas parties...especially those which are work-organized.
2012-12-03 01:47:07 PM  
1 votes:
There are no office parties.

There are office public appearances.

Parties are what happen when you're not so worried about appearances.

I say cut all the team-building crap and focus on what makes employees happy: more money, and fire the incompetents, so the people who aren't idiots can get their work done and go home early.
2012-12-03 12:11:03 PM  
1 votes:

kid_icarus: 100% of me never goes to the Xmas party. I hate seeing coworkers in a social setting.


I've been to a couple of them, they're just weird. Gave my NotRSVP today.
2012-12-03 10:34:26 AM  
1 votes:

basemetal: So, 95% of workers are ungrateful , entitled and lazy? Way to slam the workers of America, subbs.


Holiday parties cost a lot less than bonuses, and bosses know that. The last newspaper I worked at would just find the bar or restaurant that owed them the most at the end of the year and swap out a deal. It was always a great party, but it was certainly the cheap way out.
2012-12-03 10:33:26 AM  
1 votes:
If office holiday parties didn't seem like they were organized by unemployed guidance counselors or kindergarten teachers, we might enjoy them more. Our office went with option C recently, which is the option where you spend no money on employees at all and wonder why they start leaving in droves.
2012-12-03 10:30:59 AM  
1 votes:
In fairness to my employer, we always have a holiday party, at noon, and then everyone leaves early afterwards. And it's not like we do much beforehand either. So it's celebrating the holidays with our co-workers AND getting time off in one. And we get paid for it.

Also, depending on when Christmas falls, it always seems to be timed in such a way that it's effectively the last 'working' day before the holidays, and we get a day or two off to boot: Christmas is on a Tuesday this year, and our party is on a Thursday. No one will be in that Friday or Monday unless they really want to be, so it's a nice little bonus.
2012-12-03 10:29:35 AM  
1 votes:
there's cake in the break room.

but everyones already over at the bar across the street.
2012-12-03 10:18:22 AM  
1 votes:
90% of supervisors also plan on hitting on the intern in marketing.
 
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