JackieRabbit: I feel the same way. When one of our executives starts gushing about how we are a family, I vomit in my throat a bit. My workmates are workmates and nothing more. They aren't my friends and they damned sure aren't my family. I can understand that younger people may make friends at work and want to spend time with them, but I think it would be better to spend that time outside of a corporate gathering. And one has to be careful. Our CEO watches people like a hawk at these functions. If he thinks you've got drunk, you won't get fired, but you can sure kiss any promotions goodbye. To me, this alone made it not worth the risk. I'll work at work and party elsewhere, with real friends.

I get along well with my coworkers too, I even consider some of them to be friends. Even hang out with some outside work, we keep in touch in off hours to just BS. But I don't see the point of a company function like that. If I want to spend time with one of them, I'd rather just do that and do something we want to do, whatever that may be.

Time is precious. Spending it at a corporate function is hell on earth.

Our Christmas party has a free bar. Enough said really.

I love company parties. But I am a professor, and the company is always good.

Lernaeus: If you *want* to throw or attend a party, then godspeed. But do it because you think it would be fun, not because your in some bullsh*t situation where if you don't go, Johnson will look better for the promotion than you.

I'm a big fan of ducking these things, and I often do, unless there are people I like at work also going and we have plans to hang out and maybe go out afterwards.

That said, since it's a work thing, different rules on social conduct apply: simply put, don't be an asshole, and don't draw unwarranted attention to yourself by 1. Drinking too much, 2. Hooking up, 3. Bragging, 4. Telling off color jokes, 5. Blowing lines in the bathroom, 6. Loudly and publicly imploring your spouse to resign.

That's all I was saying to Luna.

de_Selby: I love company parties. But I am a professor, and the company is always good.

Coeds working for that A?

Oral exams eh?

*wink wink, nudge nudge"

Year One: We went to a country club (that welcomed people of all colors who had the money to join), with prime rib and lobster on the menu. Unfortunately the planners spent liberally on food and skimped on service, so the meal was served well into the evening.

Year Two: A better balance was struck, with chicken and pork loin with gravy, potatoes, vegetables, dessert and an ice sculpture topped with shrimp in cocktail sauce -- service was quite good this time.

Year Three: No party for lower management and techies, so we had potluck where 30 people brought dishes. We graciously invited upper management to partake. This was the best.

Year Four: Started my own business -- no office lunch.

People in charge of my work haven't even told us what day or time we are having our lame ass party. There's rumors it's Friday after work this year. Fark that. I already spend enough time with these scumbags. We have no idea if we have to come in on Monday or not. Usually we have the party second half of the day on Christmas Eve. Apparently they are going to delay giving us our bonus checks this year until a few hours into the party because everyone leaves as soon as we get them...

rka: shiat, how about just saying that bringing two infants to a company party probably isn't in anyone's interest in the first place?

I don't know, it could work, I'm not a pro infant wrangler. But if you know for sure it's going to be terrible, know yourself. Compromise one of your values now so you don't accidentally do it later, while everyone is watching and it's going to cost you a ton of money. Sometimes it's worse to try, no one appreciates the effort.

Lunaville: WinoRhino: Lunaville: I hated those parties so much. Now they have a normal afternoon office party with some snacks, non-alcoholic beverages and a silly gift exchange. No spouses or kids attend and they get off work an hour or two early. Thank G-d!

This is a joke, right? Like from a movie I haven't seen or something? One where the wife is a complete psycho hose beast, kicks her husband in the testicles a lot and complains he's no fun when he asks her to stop for at least one night? And then she's completely shocked when she finds him in bed with a woman who is actually fun and offers a break from the super-regimented sex-only-on-alternating-Saturdays routine? Right?

It really wasn't about him. It was about a company and its' deranged HR people who thought they had bought outright their employees and along with their families. It's the only company I've ever heard of that has even attempted to make spouse attendance at functions mandatory. How the hell do you make anything mandatory for people who do not work for you?

I wouldnt condone it if your husband beat you, but I'd understand.

/obscure?

My work has a big party, with alcohol, DJ, fake gambling, the works. Tickets are only $20.

/2 tickets + babysitter => I stay home.

Doom MD:

I wouldnt condone it if your husband beat you, but I'd understand.

/obscure?

I TAKE CARE OF MY KIDS!!!!

WinoRhino: Lunaville: I hated those parties so much. Now they have a normal afternoon office party with some snacks, non-alcoholic beverages and a silly gift exchange. No spouses or kids attend and they get off work an hour or two early. Thank G-d!

This is a joke, right? Like from a movie I haven't seen or something? One where the wife is a complete psycho hose beast, kicks her husband in the testicles a lot and complains he's no fun when he asks her to stop for at least one night? And then she's completely shocked when she finds him in bed with a woman who is actually fun and offers a break from the super-regimented sex-only-on-alternating-Saturdays routine? Right?

She's either a spentmiles-level master, or a raging coont. I hesitate to say that even, as I feel like I'm getting reeled in.

dopekitty74: mccallcl: rka: shiat, how about just saying that bringing two infants to a company party probably isn't in anyone's interest in the first place?

I don't know, it could work, I'm not a pro infant wrangler. But if you know for sure it's going to be terrible, know yourself. Compromise one of your values now so you don't accidentally do it later, while everyone is watching and it's going to cost you a ton of money. Sometimes it's worse to try, no one appreciates the effort.

Lunaville indicated that once the kids came along she tried to convince hubby to let her and the kids stay home. He dragged her along anyhow.

My ex did the same thing, girls were 9months old and 5yrs old, party was in the evening, hubby didn't want to leave..

/no longer with him, but that's not the only reason

So clearly an outburst in front of his coworkers demanding his resignation was the way to go. Why not just say the babysitter had to go home? Seriously, so many no-brainer excuses a person could use. I would damn near murder my significant other for this kind of betrayal (and I wouldnt expect anything less in return if I had the audacity to do such a thing).

I hate office parties. You are forced to be around all the people you cant wait to get away from all day, and they serve you alcohol that you cant get enough of, or else management starts taking down a list of people who like the sauce "too much"...

The only good office parties are on the clock during normal operating hours.

H31N0US: Lernaeus: H31N0US: Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important. make a shiatload more money than I do

So ... be a corporate whore, submit to others, castrate your personality, and make your wife "behave," and you'll make more money?

No, thanks. I've got a little self-respect left.

I don't define myself as who I am at work. I do what I need to do, for my career, and for my wife's. If I need to put on a black tie and pretend to be charming at some function for my wife's job, I do it. It's one evening. She does the same for me. That in no way represents a castration of our personalities, we just laugh and trash talk some of the idiots (and each other if we do or say something dumb) we see at these things.

But hey man, whatever floats your boat. Wave your freak flag high...maybe someone will salute it. I figured out long ago that nobody really gives a shiat about anything, so if I have to "sell out" now an then in order to grow the paychecks, fark it. Nobody cares one way or another, and I enjoy being closer to the financial freedom towards which I am working. Feel free to judge me. I don't give a shiat either.

I find it sad, and you should to, that you have to "sell out" in order to get ahead and you find this acceptable. You aren't a prostitute. You are an employee and the company you work for should reward you for your work not for gathering with other people who are also desperately pretending they don't have better things to do.

This thread has been so great for reminding me why I hate corporate.

Luna was tactless, her husband had no spine, the HR lady was a jerk, and management was delusional for thinking that anyone -- especially infants! -- cared about their holiday party or that anything other than death and taxes could possibly be mandatory. Everyone involved was just awful. And that's why corporate farking sucks.

Lunaville: My husbands' company used to rent out a big space and host spouses and kids. They had gambling games people could buy into and possibly win money. I'm so grateful they decided that was too exorbitant. For years, I was expected to take a portion of my pay ( I worked full time before we had kids.) to purchase a dress suitable for this occasion so I could be trotted around among people I didn't know and feign interest in a company that I did not work for.

[snip] ...


At some point you seem to have veered into active sabotage of your husband's career. This does not seem to be a well-thought out plan.

The overstatement is strong in this thread

Memes Ate My Balls: This thread has been so great for reminding me why I hate corporate.

Luna was tactless, her husband had no spine, the HR lady was a jerk, and management was delusional for thinking that anyone -- especially infants! -- cared about their holiday party or that anything other than death and taxes could possibly be mandatory. Everyone involved was just awful. And that's why corporate farking sucks.

And with that, this thread has ended. Thanks for playing!

dopekitty74: mccallcl: rka: shiat, how about just saying that bringing two infants to a company party probably isn't in anyone's interest in the first place?

I don't know, it could work, I'm not a pro infant wrangler. But if you know for sure it's going to be terrible, know yourself. Compromise one of your values now so you don't accidentally do it later, while everyone is watching and it's going to cost you a ton of money. Sometimes it's worse to try, no one appreciates the effort.

Lunaville indicated that once the kids came along she tried to convince hubby to let her and the kids stay home. He dragged her along anyhow.

My ex did the same thing, girls were 9months old and 5yrs old, party was in the evening, hubby didn't want to leave..

/no longer with him, but that's not the only reason

So did you pin the blame on the company party or your less-than-helpful husband?

It there was someone in my company that I thought of as a friend and not a leach I would enjoy it. But this year there is boose and free food so I am going.

Strategeryz0r: Nitrox: My employer is awesome about the holidays. The entire organization is shutting down Friday at noon before Christmas and we have paid vacation through New Years Day. This is in addition to the 4 other weeks of vacation we are given, as well as 5 sick days

My company gives you 2 - 3 weeks of vacation(depending on tenure), which includes your sick days and floating holidays.

Then only gives us the day of xmas off. So we have to be here the monday before, and all the days after until Jan 1. Same story on Thanksgiving. No work Thursday, but you better come back in Friday.

Again, they wonder why their turnover rate has shot through the roof. It never used to be like this until this bastards from the east coast invaded our lovely little company. We went from "we love our employees" to "raise the bottom line, fark the lot of you! you're all replaceable!"

/anyone looking for an IT guy in the Idaho/Oregon/Washington area? Will move for position. Get me away from these people.

You working at a financial such as a Bank or Credit union? Those types of businesses cannot be closed more than like 3 days in a row by law. Also, there is a ton of stuff available in the Pacific NW it just depends on what you expect to be paid :)

God Is My Co-Pirate: We have the shiattiest office parties ever. Like, legendarily bad. We pay for our own food, there's no alcohol, and we're expected to be back at our desks by 2:00 p.m. Nothing like watching stone-cold-sober civil servants do the macarena at lunch time. One year we had a magician going table-to-table doing tricks with elastic bands. He kept trying to guess which card we'd chosen, and failing. After four wrong attempts we just asked him to go. Then the fat girl in HR sings carols.

Another year, we had to make nativity scenes out of the food and centrepieces on our table. I carved a baby Jesus out of a butter pat and hollowed out a bread roll for his manger. Again, sober.

A friend of mine's office is doing an HR "fun training session" plus a potluck.

I swear to god, I don't know what I'd do without the scotch in my desk drawer.

Well, OK, I've only read this far into the thread, but already, this seems like the winner.

bikerific: Lunaville: My husbands' company used to rent out a big space and host spouses and kids. They had gambling games people could buy into and possibly win money. I'm so grateful they decided that was too exorbitant. For years, I was expected to take a portion of my pay ( I worked full time before we had kids.) to purchase a dress suitable for this occasion so I could be trotted around among people I didn't know and feign interest in a company that I did not work for.

[snip] ...


At some point you seem to have veered into active sabotage of your husband's career. This does not seem to be a well-thought out plan.

Pretty much this. You gotta take one for the team once inawhile. She sounds like a biatch lol.

We didn't have a Christmas party last year. Employer no longer foots the bill (they did for years and spent quite a bit and it was mostly appreciated). Two worthless account service people decided to be the Christmas party planners and then ... it went nowhere. Supposedly, they were gonna plan some sort of awesome get-together and then I guess they were told management wasn't paying for any of it so they just dropped it and we had no party at all.

Not even the modest little snack/gift exchange we usually do. It was a little sad, but we are all so freaking busy I'm not sure anybody minded all that much.

Lunaville: argylez: WinoRhino: Lunaville: I hated those parties so much. Now they have a normal afternoon office party with some snacks, non-alcoholic beverages and a silly gift exchange. No spouses or kids attend and they get off work an hour or two early. Thank G-d!

This is a joke, right? Like from a movie I haven't seen or something? One where the wife is a complete psycho hose beast, kicks her husband in the testicles a lot and complains he's no fun when he asks her to stop for at least one night? And then she's completely shocked when she finds him in bed with a woman who is actually fun and offers a break from the super-regimented sex-only-on-alternating-Saturdays routine? Right?


lol - THIS.

/I'm sure she's blast at parties

Are you people nuts? I defy you to spend 6 hours at a mandatory "party" and consider that reasonable. There are people on this thread that won't even go to their own company parties for heavens' sake.

Amen Sister. Office Xmas parties are the pits. I had a boss get mad at me because I didn't go to the office christmas party because 'we had to have someone represent IT'

1) It was on a saturday. That's my time off, douchebag.
2) It's a fancy dress up party for a construction firm. Only time I put on a suit is if I'm looking for a job, numbnuts.
3) If it's so important to be represented, why don't YOU go since, you know, you're the damn boss and you should be the one dealing with this bullshiat.

/That was a long time ago
//he was such a miserable bastard.
///he got laid off 1 month after moving to be closer to the job (he lived in baltimore for like 15 years).
//// karma slashie!

I find it sad, and you should to, that you have to "sell out" in order to get ahead and you find this acceptable. You aren't a prostitute. You are an employee and the company you work for should reward you for your work not for gathering with other people who are also desperately pretending they don't have better things to do.

I have been called out for insubordination more times than I care to recall, but have never been terminated because I do my job well. There is a not so fine line between voicing disagreeing opinions at work and being a total douche nozzle at a company social function. If Luna has such big balls, then she should have just put her foot down to her husband and said she was not going instead of being a martyr. There is also such a thing called human decency. In some societies it is generally associated with politeness. This "politeness" thing has nothing to do with selling out. It is more of a being a decent human being thing than trying to upstage a HR person in front of other people. She chose the low road because apparently she has no social grace and is a total self-serving biatch.

I have been around the block more times than a Jehovah's Witness, and it never fails that the person yelling "sell out" is the same person that cannot keep a job for more than 6 months because a.) boss hates them b.) hates coworkers c.) coworkers hate them, etc.

Mr. Coffee Nerves: After years of no "official" party our new VP -- who was old enough to talk about that whippersnapper Hannibal and his wacky elephant ideas -- put together a real hootenanny.

From 3-4PM on a workday we were all invited to come to the conference room where there were TWO three-liter bottles of Ghetto Cola and a giant bag of popcorn -- the kind that KMart sells in the "So you're totally out of ideas" gift section -- available for your dining pleasure. We also got our "present" -- a cheap color photocopy of the CEO's official portrait.

OK, maybe you're the winner of the thread. This is close to the most depressing shiat I've ever read that hasn't been endorsed by Oprah.

Well ours is a lunch at 1 pm (so they can get in the 5 hr of work beforehand- or a full 8 hr day for our factory employees). We have dried up turkey and listen to a ONE HOUR drone by our CEO. God it is boring and I work in sales and know what he is talking about. Then after that we do a 'rob your neighbor' type gift thing. The thing is, not all the employees even GET a gift and the gifts are not all equal value. There are usually 5 nice gifts worth over $25 and the rest being cocoa samplers or sausage samplers. So most people go home with nothing. We wait awkwardly for bonus checks to be passed out and they are not (the next Monday HR clarifies that we did not make enough money to give out bonuses). Finally the head of the party planning committee presents a gift to the company owner and his wife (who are rich, duh)- the gift is probably $500 value.

At that point things get really awkward with people trying to make conversation. I excuse myself to 'check my email' although since the customers I work with are all in Asia they probably are not working... Eventually the nice VP will come around and tell us to go home early OR (last year, which was particularly dreadful) the HR lady sent out an email that said "Although [the CEO] said 'have a nice holiday' he did not mean go home early."

Also since the owner's wife has an alcoholic somewhere in her family there is absolutely no alcohol. (Note that if coworkers want to go out for a drink to celebrate someone's last day we have to specifically say that it is not a company sanctioned event.)

It is amazing how many people use vacation just to avoid this party...

Also the best part is that we have a 2 guys with Celiac disease and at many company provided food events no food is provided for them. So they will pathetically scrape the toppings off of their pizza and eat a lump of cheese or just go hungry when we are having sub sandwiches. Same with our vegetarians...

God Is My Co-Pirate: olapbill: God Is My Co-Pirate: olapbill: LasersHurt: I get to be flown in to Ottowa for a party. That's fun, huh? Woo. Ottowa.

Ottawa? can be fun depending on where the party is.

That's where I am. Run. Run like the wind.

That's where I am as well. I could find a more than one place to throw a decent Christmas party here. Can't help with the people you would be stuck with at the party, but am free for plus ones to make sure the night is at least entertaining.

Then you'll know what I'm talking about when I say that our party this year is at the Glue Pot Pub...
didn't that close and rebrand?
If you go to go "upper" I've had decent bottle service xmas parties at the Luxe. From what I remember.
I'd prefer a more pub like atmosphere simply because I like pubs dammit.

kid_icarus: 100% of me never goes to the Xmas party. I hate seeing coworkers in a social setting.

i dislike most of the people i work with...but there are two or three i get along with well. can't get any work done around them, we just fark around and put "admin time" on the timesheet...

/party is friday, meh

My company's 'holiday' party lasts about 5 minutes during times when most employees can't make it. Stay classy.

I've spent most of my working life in academia...

In private research centers most holiday parties were late lunches with free beer followed by going home.
In public research institutes it was nicely catered lunches with grad students from 3 different departments mooching food sitting and talking to the office people which whom you've only ever exchanged terse emails with followed by a text message to get back to work.
In graduate school we had two. One was the 'departmental lunch' it was assigned seating, with the cheapest catered food our department head could find. Then there was the student and faculty one at our department head's house which was 1 case of tequila, 1 case of bourbon and 1 case of vodka with ice for mixing.

/virologist are strange people.

Holy shiat, these "parties" where employees have to stand around and listen to the CEO or some other higher-up drone about how awesome everything is sound like the precursor to a workplace shooting.

As kind of depressing as not having a party at all (or having a small office party where everybody has to provide the food and refreshments) sounds, at least it doesn't require us to be bored shiatless while we're supposed to be celebrating.

We like each other well enough (most of the insufferable employees from years past no longer work here), so when we have get-togethers, we just talk amongst ourselves about whatever the fark we want to (mostly tech stuff, most of the employees work in interactive, and it's about 90% male). It's pleasant enough. It's not forced socializing, at least for most people. It's mostly low-pressure. Even when the boss is here, he's not too bad as far as making it unpleasant.

99.998er: I find it sad, and you should to, that you have to "sell out" in order to get ahead and you find this acceptable. You aren't a prostitute. You are an employee and the company you work for should reward you for your work not for gathering with other people who are also desperately pretending they don't have better things to do.

I have been called out for insubordination more times than I care to recall, but have never been terminated because I do my job well. There is a not so fine line between voicing disagreeing opinions at work and being a total douche nozzle at a company social function. If Luna has such big balls, then she should have just put her foot down to her husband and said she was not going instead of being a martyr. There is also such a thing called human decency. In some societies it is generally associated with politeness. This "politeness" thing has nothing to do with selling out. It is more of a being a decent human being thing than trying to upstage a HR person in front of other people. She chose the low road because apparently she has no social grace and is a total self-serving biatch.

I have been around the block more times than a Jehovah's Witness, and it never fails that the person yelling "sell out" is the same person that cannot keep a job for more than 6 months because a.) boss hates them b.) hates coworkers c.) coworkers hate them, etc.

If everyone hates you, maybe you should consider that the problem may actually be you, and not everyone else?

I'm glad I'm not the only one who came here to brag about their Hot Cocoa Sampler Boxes.

/actually chocolate bock
//also not hot
///mmm

doczoidberg: monoski: hool where first there is a cooking class then a dinner. You would want to slit your wrist with one the kitchen knives.

They make you take part in a cooking class???

Fark it. I would just not show up. If they fired me, I could just apply for unemployment, and say that...well...I got canned for not going to the company Christmas party!

Like they'd deny someone with such a silly claim.

They'd just go the usual route - making your working life a living hell until you either quit or snap, then deny because you quit and deny every claim you make regarding hostile workplaces.

Pitabred: 99.998er: I find it sad, and you should to, that you have to "sell out" in order to get ahead and you find this acceptable. You aren't a prostitute. You are an employee and the company you work for should reward you for your work not for gathering with other people who are also desperately pretending they don't have better things to do.

I have been called out for insubordination more times than I care to recall, but have never been terminated because I do my job well. There is a not so fine line between voicing disagreeing opinions at work and being a total douche nozzle at a company social function. If Luna has such big balls, then she should have just put her foot down to her husband and said she was not going instead of being a martyr. There is also such a thing called human decency. In some societies it is generally associated with politeness. This "politeness" thing has nothing to do with selling out. It is more of a being a decent human being thing than trying to upstage a HR person in front of other people. She chose the low road because apparently she has no social grace and is a total self-serving biatch.

I have been around the block more times than a Jehovah's Witness, and it never fails that the person yelling "sell out" is the same person that cannot keep a job for more than 6 months because a.) boss hates them b.) hates coworkers c.) coworkers hate them, etc.

If everyone hates you, maybe you should consider that the problem may actually be you, and not everyone else?

Yes well...that was pretty much my point.

Hm, not enough cocoa sampler box stories here.

Our Christmas party is similar to others' here: Potluck on a Friday afternoon, White Elephant gift exchange, no booze. I went my first year and regretted it. Ever since then I've just slipped out early when everyone leaves for the party.

I wouldn't even mind spending the money on my coworkers if there was booze. It's just way too awkward interacting with these people socially. Alcohol would really, really help.

Actually, scratch that, I did mind spending the money on coworkers. The gift exchange is such a load; nobody ever brings anything you'd want. It was largely candy mixes or sausage packs. I ended up with a Ravens Santa hat. I don't even like the Ravens.

/Wish I could keep booze at my desk.

Real Christmas party:

I work in academia, but I freelance for a big Manhattan company. Thus, I get a month off, AND I get invited to party with unlimited booze and overworked hot chicks.

Holiday parties should be banned by some layer of government. They are just bad.