Lernaeus: H31N0US: I assure you, your husband took a lot of shiat for your behavior, and probably still does.

What kind of skidmarks does he work for that his wife's "behavior" is a reflection on him?

Who gives a sh*t about his wife; does he do his damn job or not?

It matters. Especially at these kind of events, or even away trips. Brings the whole group down when one guy is on the phone with his wife apologizing because we went to dinner after working in a remote data center all day and he didn't call to ask her. (True story - the guy spent a half hour on the phone with his wife while we all went back to work while we were out of state at the time.)

Or the guy takes 10 phone calls a day from his wife - (another true story)

Or when the guy has to go home because his wife can't watch the baby and go to the grocery store at the same time - (another true story)

Or when you are confronted as the boss about why your husband didn't get a birthday cake yet. (actually happened to me)

It matters.

Well yeah, subby, how else am I supposed to proposition the recently divorced milf from admin for a blowjob??

Parthenogenetic: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Perfect...just polished off the final packet from last year's Hot Cocoa Sampler Box this morning.

Came here to post this.

Source for the n00bs

Solstice: H31N0US: Lunaville: One year at one of these functions some twit announced a "mandatory" softball game and tried to bully me into playing softball. After a few polite attempts to decline, I snapped "I don't work here." Unashamed she shot back with "Your husband does." I was so pissed I shouted several feet across to my husband "Get your resume in tip-top shape tonight!"

So for next time, instead of emasculating your husband in front of the people and relationships that define his career, maybe just politely say: "sounds like fun!" and tell your husband afterwords that you's rather not, and enlist him to come up with a creative excuse.

You might be right, but if her husband was incapable of finding an out for his wife who clearly didn't want to be there along with 2 infants, he likely won't be able to come up with an out for this.

Lunaville: The supervisor of my husbands' department walked up and tried to stop us from leaving. He'd been drinking and was in a fabulous mood. I lost it snapping "We've been here 6 hours! This is not a party. This is a work day. I want to be reimbursed!" We left quite quickly after that.

See above.

Again, anyone who would drag their wife and infants to a "mandatory" office party and remain there for 6 hours, and would allow his colleagues to bully him into remaining, would be clueless of all but the bluntest of messages

You seem to be completely devoid of social grace. And this is coming from one of the rudest and arrogant people I know: me.

I assure you, your husband took a lot of shiat for your behavior, and probably still does. That is, unless you are divorced, in which case I am sorry for the kids, but good for him. 

I'll agree that her reactions were childish, but that may have been the only way to get the message across

Some important words I am bolding.

charmingkiddo: No frigging way I am going to this years office party

last year I was the youngest person there by 15 years, stuck next to the biatchy fat chain smoker in accounting. Made stupid small talk with people I can't stand and got the fark out. Nobody there has anything in common, and the president of the company sits there with his trophy wife and a fake smile on his wife having small talk with his employees he barely even talks to at work.

I haven't got a raise or a bonus in two and half years, if they are offended by not showing up then fark em.

Do you live in FL by chance?

God Is My Co-Pirate: olapbill: LasersHurt: I get to be flown in to Ottowa for a party. That's fun, huh? Woo. Ottowa.

Ottawa? can be fun depending on where the party is.

That's where I am. Run. Run like the wind.

That's where I am as well. I could find a more than one place to throw a decent Christmas party here. Can't help with the people you would be stuck with at the party, but am free for plus ones to make sure the night is at least entertaining.

Where I used to work, my director threw a few parties each year at his suburban McMansion. Employees and SOs, no kids. Plenty of alcohol. It wasn't a successful party until some guy's shoes were in the toilet and someone's bra and panties run up the flagpole. There weren't very many unsuccessful parties.

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: charmingkiddo: No frigging way I am going to this years office party

last year I was the youngest person there by 15 years, stuck next to the biatchy fat chain smoker in accounting. Made stupid small talk with people I can't stand and got the fark out. Nobody there has anything in common, and the president of the company sits there with his trophy wife and a fake smile on his wife having small talk with his employees he barely even talks to at work.

I haven't got a raise or a bonus in two and half years, if they are offended by not showing up then fark em.

Do you live in FL by chance?

The weather is farking awesome right now. Going to go swimming.

StoPPeRmobile: Solstice: H31N0US: Lunaville: One year at one of these functions some twit announced a "mandatory" softball game and tried to bully me into playing softball. After a few polite attempts to decline, I snapped "I don't work here." Unashamed she shot back with "Your husband does." I was so pissed I shouted several feet across to my husband "Get your resume in tip-top shape tonight!"

So for next time, instead of emasculating your husband in front of the people and relationships that define his career, maybe just politely say: "sounds like fun!" and tell your husband afterwords that you's rather not, and enlist him to come up with a creative excuse.

You might be right, but if her husband was incapable of finding an out for his wife who clearly didn't want to be there along with 2 infants, he likely won't be able to come up with an out for this.

Lunaville: The supervisor of my husbands' department walked up and tried to stop us from leaving. He'd been drinking and was in a fabulous mood. I lost it snapping "We've been here 6 hours! This is not a party. This is a work day. I want to be reimbursed!" We left quite quickly after that.

See above.

Again, anyone who would drag their wife and infants to a "mandatory" office party and remain there for 6 hours, and would allow his colleagues to bully him into remaining, would be clueless of all but the bluntest of messages

You seem to be completely devoid of social grace. And this is coming from one of the rudest and arrogant people I know: me.

I assure you, your husband took a lot of shiat for your behavior, and probably still does. That is, unless you are divorced, in which case I am sorry for the kids, but good for him. 

I'll agree that her reactions were childish, but that may have been the only way to get the message across

Some important words I am bolding.

I was actually just bolding my responses to individual responses. Sorry if that somehow offended.

JusticeandIndependence: Lernaeus: H31N0US: I assure you, your husband took a lot of shiat for your behavior, and probably still does.

What kind of skidmarks does he work for that his wife's "behavior" is a reflection on him?

Who gives a sh*t about his wife; does he do his damn job or not?

It matters. Especially at these kind of events, or even away trips.

Which is why it's best to avoid this shiat to begin with. You're being judged on how well you pretend to have fun.

mr. teeny's previous employer (an orchard machinery manufacturer) used to rent the second floor of a local restaurant and treated the office workers to a really nice dinner (the prime rib was effing awesome) and free-flowing booze. There was also a raffle with decent prizes, like a tv, a kickass tool set, or a 3d/2n vacation package somewhere.

The owner would always get drunk and a bit obnoxious, and his daughter would get drunk, steal the microphone, and proceed to ignore everyone's burning desire for her to STFU.

That party was for the office workers, and its existence was kept on the down low. The peons that worked on the shop floor were given a catered lunch on site and a raffle with crap like movie tickets.

Today: state government employee. Chronically-underfunded, 24-hour workplace facility. We *might* get offered cookies and fruit punch some afternoon between now and Xmas.

Decade ago: private industry (finance) doing same IT job. Catered dinner for employees + spouses including open bar, plus lump-sum cash bonus based on seniority and the company's financial performance (was never less than $750ish for me).

Next time you hear some yahoo squawking about cushy government jobs with fat salaries, do ol' Rindred a favor and cut them off with a punch in the mouth. Hard.

JusticeandIndependence: It matters.

From the examples you cited, maybe - though I'd either not invite the guy along, or give him a good lie to tell his shrew of a wife - but the original issue was the wife being asked by her husband's employer to participate in something she had little interest in doing in a place she didn't want to be while attending to 2 young children that were probably bored, cranky, and uncomfortable, then speculation that he got sh*t for that from coworkers.

Maybe I'm in the minority, here, but (A) I don't expect that others want to participate in the things I want to, (B) don't hold anyone in disregard for not being interested, and (C) certainly wouldn't treat a coworker like dogsh*t because his wife - a total stranger to me - didn't want to take part.

The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important.

/no so CSB on

at my former employeer, a large, internationaly know hospital the christmas party was pretty good. Everyone from the downtown campus would eventually filter into a huge open conference room and the clinic had a nice ice sculpture, decorations, music, fruit, coffee, small pastries, etc. Nothing opulant but they were serving +15,000 potential people during work hours. even so it was nice.... until 2008.

That year Christmas seem to catch them completly off guard. I don't think the date changed but you'd never know it from the way the "party" was handeld. My fellow lab rats and I treked down to the room and hour or so after it was scheduled to start. We were greeted by half a dozen folding tables in the center of this now seemingly caverous room. The catering staff rolled up two table cloths lenght wise, laid them along each of the the folding tables an draped another cloth over the rolls to form what could only be described as a trough. Then they bought out 20lb bags of those fosted cookies you got in grade school and poured them into the troughs. Needless to say we were all dumbstruck. Someone shouted 'Sooooieee! Slop's on." Our group left without so much as touching a cookie and held our own impromptu party at a local establishment.

One would expect more from the institution that keeps Mr. Burns alive, though not if you worked there.

\not so CSB off

olapbill: LasersHurt: I get to be flown in to Ottowa for a party. That's fun, huh? Woo. Ottowa.

Ottawa? can be fun depending on where the party is.


I wouldn't worry about trying to convince a guy who can't spell a G8 country's capital...

/My SO's party is at the Chateau this year!
//I don't think I own a fancy-enough suit....

Lunaville: My husbands' company used to rent out a big space and host spouses and kids. They had gambling games people could buy into and possibly win money. I'm so grateful they decided that was too exorbitant. For years, I was expected to take a portion of my pay ( I worked full time before we had kids.) to purchase a dress suitable for this occasion so I could be trotted around among people I didn't know and feign interest in a company that I did not work for.

One year at one of these functions some twit announced a "mandatory" softball game and tried to bully me into playing softball. After a few polite attempts to decline, I snapped "I don't work here." Unashamed she shot back with "Your husband does." I was so pissed I shouted several feet across to my husband "Get your resume in tip-top shape tonight!" The CEO/Owner came over and told Ms. Priss she couldn't demand a mandatory game with or without people who were actually employed with the company. My husband and I left and argued for three days. Thank G-d, I was not consuming any alcohol or the incident with Ms. Priss could have been unseemly.

Then the kids came. "Oh" I said "It won't be any fun if you have to drag us along. You just go and have a great time and I'll stay home with the kids." Nope, that didn't fly. Too many people in the office were "excited to meet the kids". We had to go. Mind you, these weren't normal two to four hour office parties. These parties lasted for hours and hours and hours. I didn't drive at the time so going to the party meant the kids and I were stuck until my husband decided to leave. After four miserable hours with two babies, who were highly uninterested in the party, I started to beg to go home. Several times my husband said "Well, we'd better get going." Only to have a someone senior to him say "Oh No, you can't leave yet. We haven't had the drawing for .../ the Santa visit/ the some other highlight I could not have cared less about yet." Finally, at more than 6 hours in we were ...

If your husband isn't already farking the receptionist, he should be. I have a pretty good idea he can get get a lot of sympathy farks from his office.

I work nights, so I either (a) am just waking up when the party starts, or (b) get judged by everyone because I'm getting drunk 30 minutes after waking up. WELL YOU'RE THE ASSHOLES WHO INSISTED EVERYONE COME TO THE PARTY BECAUSE IT'S THE HOLIDAY SPIRIT, AND YEAH, I'M DRUNK AND I HAVE TO START WORK IN 3 HOURS! WOO!

teeny: That party was for the office workers, and its existence was kept on the down low. The peons that worked on the shop floor were given a catered lunch on site and a raffle with crap like movie tickets.

Ages ago I worked for a place that did this, but they did it for a reason - the party was held at a private club that still excluded blacks, and most of the shop workers were black. I found out at the party, and the following workday I was so embarrassed I couldn't look my black co-workers in the face.

The next year, being young and naive, I mentioned to management that perhaps we should have the party elsewhere, so everyone could attend. I was let go three months later.

/I'm sure it was just a coincidence

Lernaeus: H31N0US: I assure you, your husband took a lot of shiat for your behavior, and probably still does.

What kind of skidmarks does he work for that his wife's "behavior" is a reflection on him?

Who gives a sh*t about his wife; does he do his damn job or not?

Do you have married friends with wives you don't like ?

It matters like that but with $$$ on the line.

Lunaville: I hated those parties so much.

Yeah no shiat, I'm sure your husband's career took a serious hit as a result of your behavior. I probably don't have to tell you (because I'm sure he already has, at volume) that you cost your family five figures with your outbursts. In order to make up for you, he probably had to sacrifice a lot at work, and your life got a ton worse, whether you realize it or not.

There are times when not having a wife and family make me feel lonely, and cheated out of the best part of life's majestic tapestry. Reading your remarks is not one of those times.

ProfessorOhki: They probably mean coworker shiat

That's a bingo, mostly.

In the back of the boss' minds, when they consider the guy for a promotion to a position that could potentially require more social interaction at a senior level, they will remember what the total package entails, and go with someone else.

kindms: Do you have married friends with wives you don't like ?

Yes, but it makes no difference; he has to deal with her, not me.

She's not my friend or responsibility, and I'm not some buddy of his that's more important than his family.

We punch in, we get our work done, we leave.

Lernaeus: JusticeandIndependence: It matters.

From the examples you cited, maybe - though I'd either not invite the guy along, or give him a good lie to tell his shrew of a wife - but the original issue was the wife being asked by her husband's employer to participate in something she had little interest in doing in a place she didn't want to be while attending to 2 young children that were probably bored, cranky, and uncomfortable, then speculation that he got sh*t for that from coworkers.

Maybe I'm in the minority, here, but (A) I don't expect that others want to participate in the things I want to, (B) don't hold anyone in disregard for not being interested, and (C) certainly wouldn't treat a coworker like dogsh*t because his wife - a total stranger to me - didn't want to take part.

The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important.

First of all, I believe she was exaggerating just a little in her story. Secondly, it was SIX HOURS out of one year. I think she can handle it just a little better than she described.

Strategeryz0r: Our holiday parties used to be awesome. We rented out the convention space at one of the swankiest hotels in town. Our company president would fly in and buy tons of booze at the liquor store, and we'd all have a very merry time.

Our holiday parties now?

Balloon animals.
A fat employee dressed as santa.
Face painting.
Poorly catered meal.
and the GM giving us a hearty "thank you for busting your tail, enjoy the 50 bucks we invested on all of you for this great party!"

I swear our holiday party is more for kids than for adult employees. It's disgusting. I would rather they just ditch the whole thing rather than force us to see this embarrassment.

And they wonder why our turnover rate went from being non-existent to like 5 - 6 resignations a month. At this rate we wont have any employees by March of next year.

Before someone goes "omg ungrateful employee." I don't care if they do or don't throw a party. I don't want the money they spent on it. I just think if they're going to do something for a holiday party, make it worthwhile and cool. Not call a couple clowns to paint kids faces and make balloon animals, then have our food catered by like farking costco. It's just another subtle reminder of how little the new owners of my company give a shiat about their workers.

Wait... so you say employees are loyal to companies that treat them like assets, rather than unwanted but necessary "cost centers"? Huh. Imagine that.

JusticeandIndependence: First of all, I believe she was exaggerating just a little in her story. Secondly, it was SIX HOURS out of one year. I think she can handle it just a little better than she described.

She handled it far better than I would have; after hour two I would have started lighting people on fire.

Lernaeus: JusticeandIndependence: It matters.

From the examples you cited, maybe - though I'd either not invite the guy along, or give him a good lie to tell his shrew of a wife - but the original issue was the wife being asked by her husband's employer to participate in something she had little interest in doing in a place she didn't want to be while attending to 2 young children that were probably bored, cranky, and uncomfortable, then speculation that he got sh*t for that from coworkers.

Maybe I'm in the minority, here, but (A) I don't expect that others want to participate in the things I want to, (B) don't hold anyone in disregard for not being interested, and (C) certainly wouldn't treat a coworker like dogsh*t because his wife - a total stranger to me - didn't want to take part.

The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important.

One CAN be bored at a party and not act like a total twat. It's called self-respect.

Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important. make a shiatload more money than I do

Lernaeus

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2012-12-03 03:50:14 PM

Lunaville, I'm totally on your side here.

Sounds like a nightmare having to drag young children to a mandatory company party - the worst "social" event known to Man - and be treated like an insubordinate worker bee for not participating in the forced frivolity.


Ain't no party like a Liz Lemon party because a Liz Lemon party is mandatory.

Molavian: Right? Not a christmas story, but my wife's company had a sporting clays outing that I went to, and they expected me to share my $2k shotgun with the rest of the group I was in. Their HR biatches started to lean on me and I was getting angry when the club manager showed up with rental shotguns for people who didn't have them. Don't bring me to your company outing and tell me I'm going to let people use my shiat. Get bent, whore.

Common theme is that a lot of HR people are morons who mistake their role as personnel administrators as one of power.

I wouldn't have even brought my own gun though. It's their party, they can supply the favors.

H31N0US: Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important. make a shiatload more money than I do

So ... be a corporate whore, submit to others, castrate your personality, and make your wife "behave," and you'll make more money?

No, thanks. I've got a little self-respect left.

started telecommuting this year. Received an invitation to a "virtual holiday party," along with instructions to take a picture of a white elephant gift and send it to the organizer. WTF do I do with this?

A holiday party? What's that? I haven't seen a corporate one around these parts for about 10 years now. We used to have a company picnic in the summer as well, but those went away the same year as part of our cost management. Oddly enough, no one really misses them. Where I work we get busy from about mid-December until mid-January.

Lernaeus: H31N0US: Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important. make a shiatload more money than I do

So ... be a corporate whore, submit to others, castrate your personality, and make your wife "behave," and you'll make more money?

No, thanks. I've got a little self-respect left.

I don't define myself as who I am at work. I do what I need to do, for my career, and for my wife's. If I need to put on a black tie and pretend to be charming at some function for my wife's job, I do it. It's one evening. She does the same for me. That in no way represents a castration of our personalities, we just laugh and trash talk some of the idiots (and each other if we do or say something dumb) we see at these things.

But hey man, whatever floats your boat. Wave your freak flag high...maybe someone will salute it. I figured out long ago that nobody really gives a shiat about anything, so if I have to "sell out" now an then in order to grow the paychecks, fark it. Nobody cares one way or another, and I enjoy being closer to the financial freedom towards which I am working. Feel free to judge me. I don't give a shiat either.

Lernaeus: H31N0US: Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important. make a shiatload more money than I do

So ... be a corporate whore, submit to others, castrate your personality, and make your wife "behave," and you'll make more money?

No, thanks. I've got a little self-respect left.

That's not going to work on him. He's the kind that goes to party thinking "I have to make a good impression. I have to make a good impresion." instead of, "I hope I have fun.".

pmmal: started telecommuting this year. Received an invitation to a "virtual holiday party," along with instructions to take a picture of a white elephant gift and send it to the organizer. WTF do I do with this?

Ignore it I guess. That's bizarre.

I work for a "show me the money" type of company. Yeah, they'll throw together a potluck later this month, but come early next year... bonus time!

Lernaeus: H31N0US: Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important. make a shiatload more money than I do

So ... be a corporate whore, submit to others, castrate your personality, and make your wife "behave," and you'll make more money?

No, thanks. I've got a little self-respect left.

I wonder, did you nail yourself to that cross by yourself or did you and that whiny wife up thread take turns helping each other out?

browntimmy: That's not going to work on him. He's the kind that goes to party thinking "I have to make a good impression. I have to make a good impresion." instead of, "I hope I have fun.".

Actually, I am the kind of person that understands the difference between a work party and a real party. It's not that hard.

StrikitRich: pmmal: started telecommuting this year. Received an invitation to a "virtual holiday party," along with instructions to take a picture of a white elephant gift and send it to the organizer. WTF do I do with this?

Skype in from a strip club?

Better idea. You win.

Team building is good. Parties and things of that nature are good for morale.

The employer can thus get something out of it that individual employees would not.

So ya subby, holiday parties may be worth it.

Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important.

I hate the term team player, I am not a team player and I also hate people that use the term team player. A team full of team players will run your company into the ground with a smile on their face.

What is pissing me off is that there are a million ways to avoid a scene like that:

-take a bunch of Valium and pass out
-feign an illness
-injure yourself
-get wicked wasted an hour before you're supposed to leave
-run out your front door and hide where your husband can't find you. Call a sitter on your cell phone and have her show up. Leave a note with a good excuse on it
-hire an escort and have her go
-make up a story that your kids died
-show up three hours late so it's only a three-hour party, your husband gets there on time, dishes an excuse involving a doctor
-kill yourself
-commit a petty crime, get arrested

I could do this all day, and I lie about twice a year, tops. No way in Hell that anyone but a self-centered, entitled princess couldn't come up with at least this many ways to avoid a meltdown. But she didn't, because the six hours started off wrong in her head, she was pissed at even having to go, pissed that her husband's co workers were stupid/ugly/rude whatever, and pissed because she had to be a mom in public, which usually sucks. Being that pissed for six hours is crazy-making, which is why you plan, plan, plan.

H31N0US: browntimmy: That's not going to work on him. He's the kind that goes to party thinking "I have to make a good impression. I have to make a good impresion." instead of, "I hope I have fun.".

Actually, I am the kind of person that understands the difference between a work party and a real party. It's not that hard.

Good. If you want to play the game where status in your company is determined by the quality of your wife's casserole, fine. But it shouldn't be shocking that a ton of people don't.

Lando Lincoln: the money is in the banana stand: Management took 10x the pay cuts that everyone else did

What's the economy like in bizarro world?

It isn't bizarro world, it just isn't "big business". Everyone here gets compensated well. The people with the highest pay checks received the highest cuts. Finding quality staff is the single largest challenge besides finding opportunities here.

H31N0US: Lernaeus: H31N0US: Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important. make a shiatload more money than I do

So ... be a corporate whore, submit to others, castrate your personality, and make your wife "behave," and you'll make more money?

No, thanks. I've got a little self-respect left.

I don't define myself as who I am at work. I do what I need to do, for my career, and for my wife's. If I need to put on a black tie and pretend to be charming at some function for my wife's job, I do it. It's one evening. She does the same for me. That in no way represents a castration of our personalities, we just laugh and trash talk some of the idiots (and each other if we do or say something dumb) we see at these things.

But hey man, whatever floats your boat. Wave your freak flag high...maybe someone will salute it. I figured out long ago that nobody really gives a shiat about anything, so if I have to "sell out" now an then in order to grow the paychecks, fark it. Nobody cares one way or another, and I enjoy being closer to the financial freedom towards which I am working. Feel free to judge me. I don't give a shiat either.

I can't imagine running the kind of business where that matters, and have serious contempt for anyone who would expect something out of me aside from doing a good job.

Show up, work, go home - why does phony social behavior have to be a part of it? Why corral people together that don't voluntarily socialize and expect that to affect the bottom line?

If you *want* to throw or attend a party, then godspeed. But do it because you think it would be fun, not because your in some bullsh*t situation where if you don't go, Johnson will look better for the promotion than you. If that's your job situation, get the f*ck out ... people that would have you eating out of the palm of their hand OWN you.

browntimmy: H31N0US: browntimmy: That's not going to work on him. He's the kind that goes to party thinking "I have to make a good impression. I have to make a good impresion." instead of, "I hope I have fun.".

Actually, I am the kind of person that understands the difference between a work party and a real party. It's not that hard.

Good. If you want to play the game where status in your company is determined by the quality of your wife's casserole, fine. But it shouldn't be shocking that a ton of people don't.

Nice strawman you're working on there, but it's less about casserole and more about not making an asshole out of oneself. Again, not that complicated.

mccallcl: Lernaeus: The people who are criticizing her for this are probably the kind of f*ckers who use the term "team player" a lot and for whom social status is important.

I hate the term team player, I am not a team player and I also hate people that use the term team player. A team full of team players will run your company into the ground with a smile on their face.

What is pissing me off is that there are a million ways to avoid a scene like that:

-take a bunch of Valium and pass out
-feign an illness
-injure yourself
-get wicked wasted an hour before you're supposed to leave
-run out your front door and hide where your husband can't find you. Call a sitter on your cell phone and have her show up. Leave a note with a good excuse on it
-hire an escort and have her go
-make up a story that your kids died
-show up three hours late so it's only a three-hour party, your husband gets there on time, dishes an excuse involving a doctor
-kill yourself
-commit a petty crime, get arrested

I could do this all day, and I lie about twice a year, tops. No way in Hell that anyone but a self-centered, entitled princess couldn't come up with at least this many ways to avoid a meltdown. But she didn't, because the six hours started off wrong in her head, she was pissed at even having to go, pissed that her husband's co workers were stupid/ugly/rude whatever, and pissed because she had to be a mom in public, which usually sucks. Being that pissed for six hours is crazy-making, which is why you plan, plan, plan.

shiat, how about just saying that bringing two infants to a company party probably isn't in anyone's interest in the first place? Here's a couple of pictures on my phone to tied you over.

But no, some people simply must have drama in their lives so they can play the martyr.