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(KMBC Kansas City)   Remember the time Dad tried cutting that BB out of your head with a utility knife? Good times   (kmbc.com) divider line 22
    More: Fail, utility knife, Doug Nolte, knife  
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7040 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Nov 2012 at 9:34 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-11-30 08:28:45 PM  
5 votes:
Coming this December:

Quentin Tarantino's
A Christmas Story
2012-11-30 09:58:31 PM  
3 votes:
Jebus! You just push it back out through the hole it made.

We used to have bb gun wars. One rule was "No head shots". Rick took up a prone position in the park and was plunking us pretty good. Leo had a Daisy rifle with a pump. He was supposed to be limited to three pumps per shot but he got ticked and cranked a few extra pumps in to it and shot Rick right in the forehead. We thought Leo had killed him. There was blood everywhere. Turns out, Rick was slightly anemic so we washed him down in the water fountain. The bb had gone in and moved a couple of inches up so we pushed it back down until it we could pop it back out. Then Rick went home and told his mom that some kid threw a rock at him. She was already drunk so she told us to go out and hunt the bastard down.
2012-12-01 02:44:35 AM  
2 votes:
Walk it off.
2012-12-01 01:15:25 AM  
2 votes:

Summer Glau's Love Slave: My dad used to press on the soft spot in the side of my head. He claimed it made me sneeze and giggle.

/True story.
//And it explains a lot.


Hey - wanna see me squeeze my kids head and make his brains come up like a pimple???
2012-11-30 10:05:58 PM  
2 votes:
i614.photobucket.com
2012-11-30 10:01:52 PM  
2 votes:
We are turning into a Nation of pussies,

in my day, Bill Brasky would use a chainsaw while riding a wild horse to take that BB out.

Here's to Bill Brasky, one magnificent bastard.
2012-11-30 09:57:24 PM  
2 votes:

antidisestablishmentarianism: [www.explosm.net image 701x635] 

A coworker tried to cut a BB out of his penis. He ended up going to the doctor to get it fixed. They didn't take his wang into protective custody.


So would you say he had a BB stuck in his pee pee?
2012-11-30 09:38:05 PM  
2 votes:

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Weaver95: ya know, I really really wanna see this happen.

You just KNOW that you'd get a Tarantino trunk-perspective shot of Ralphie's dad taking the tire iron out of the car trunk after the tire goes flat.


Also, a 10 minute long scene of the lamp's toes after the shoe is removed.
2012-12-01 06:59:18 PM  
1 votes:

UNAUTHORIZED FINGER: It's a little-known fact that many surgeons keep a dog in the operating room to serve as an emergency autoclave for their sterilization needs.


images.gizmag.com

Drink up it's on me. I got credit!!
2012-12-01 03:19:02 PM  
1 votes:

FunkOut: Also, a 10 minute long scene of the lamp's toes after the shoe is removed.


Hah!

That's rather brilliant, knowing Tarantino!


doglover: Does Ralphie look like a biatch? Then you why you tryin' to fark him like a biatch!? Ralphie wants his Red Ryder BB Gun!


Big Kahuna Cookies!

It's that Hawaiian cookie joint, right?


fusillade762: Just put some butter on it.


'Tussin.

The answer is always 'Tussin.


whipbambucket: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE DEAD SANTA STORAGE TO YOU?
'CAUSE STORING DEAD SANTA AIN'T MY FARKING BUSSINESS!!!


"I was led to believe that if Mrs. Claus comes home and finds us here, she'd wouldn't appreciate it none too much?"

"She wouldn't at that."

"That gives us exactly... forty minutes to get the fark out of Dodge. Which, if you do what I say when I say it, should be plenty. Now, you've got a corpse in a sleigh, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it."
2012-12-01 03:00:43 PM  
1 votes:

Deman: Never a BB, but I did once get a snelled fishing hook stuck in my arm pretty deep. He didn't use his utility knife either, but an old dull pocketknife that probably hadn't been cleaned since he last used it to gut fish. But that was okay too, because the toxic superglue we used to glue my cut shut probably took care of any microbial life trying to set up camp in my wound.


I just let my dog lick the wound because everyone knows the microbial compounds secreted by an animal that licks its balls are the best antiseptic...forever!
2012-11-30 11:56:46 PM  
1 votes:

Killa J: In his skull? Really?

Maybe from a high power pellet gun, but no way in hell a BB actually went into the bone. Having dealt with CPS (no, I don't have kids, so it wasn't about me), I know they are borderline Nazis and will make shiat up.


The media reported it, so it must be true.
2012-11-30 11:39:48 PM  
1 votes:

Taylor Mental: Shenanigans!: If that dude can use a utility knife as a scalpel, then I can use it to open boxes dammit!

Oh crap, is Box Protective Services gonna show up and take all my boxes into custody?

LOL, I purposely didn't quote you for that reason. It's just a thing I've had since 9/11 about the media confusing the various razors.

Same with getting shot. The movies and teevee would have us all believe the doctors want to rush right in and extract the bullet. That's a big myth. It's not the bullet being in you that's the problem so much as it is the damage it did going in. Tearing up a bunch of tissue and muscle, causing more trauma and risk of infection to remove something that is doing little to no harm is bad medicine. Any surgery is to repair the damage. If the bullet happens to be in the area it will be removed. Otherwise it's left alone.


Wait, I thought if you get shot, you have to get the bullet out with the longest pair of tongs available and then immediately drop the bullet into a metal bowl.

Luckily we have tongs and metal bowls at home, so no pansy-ass trips to the ER for us when our kid gets shot.
2012-11-30 11:13:43 PM  
1 votes:
My dad used to press on the soft spot in the side of my head. He claimed it made me sneeze and giggle.

/True story.
//And it explains a lot.
2012-11-30 10:55:07 PM  
1 votes:

Shenanigans!: Oh crap, is Box Protective Services gonna show up and take all my boxes into custody?


All your box are belong to us!
2012-11-30 10:32:56 PM  
1 votes:

Taylor Mental: box cutter


utility knife


exacto knife


scalpel
 

pig sticker



Just so we're all on the same page.


If that dude can use a utility knife as a scalpel, then I can use it to open boxes dammit!

Oh crap, is Box Protective Services gonna show up and take all my boxes into custody?
2012-11-30 09:59:04 PM  
1 votes:
Just put some butter on it.
2012-11-30 09:43:12 PM  
1 votes:

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Coming this December:

Quentin Tarantino's
A Christmas Story


www.popfi.com

Does Ralphie look like a biatch? Then you why you tryin' to fark him like a biatch!? Ralphie wants his Red Ryder BB Gun!
2012-11-30 09:30:11 PM  
1 votes:

antidisestablishmentarianism: [www.explosm.net image 701x635] 

A coworker tried to cut a BB out of his penis. He ended up going to the doctor to get it fixed. They didn't take his wang into protective custody.


How did he... ?

/the hell?
2012-11-30 09:25:33 PM  
1 votes:
www.explosm.net 

A coworker tried to cut a BB out of his penis. He ended up going to the doctor to get it fixed. They didn't take his wang into protective custody.
2012-11-30 09:08:50 PM  
1 votes:
Frikkin idiot

/that's what Xacto knives are for
2012-11-30 08:47:18 PM  
1 votes:

Weaver95: ya know, I really really wanna see this happen.


You just KNOW that you'd get a Tarantino trunk-perspective shot of Ralphie's dad taking the tire iron out of the car trunk after the tire goes flat.
 
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