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(WZZM 13 Grand Rapids)   It's that time of year again...Top 100 baby names of 2012 released. (Bonus: All on one page)   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, baby names, Rochester Hills, Babycenter  
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11839 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Nov 2012 at 11:30 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-11-30 08:57:53 PM  
3 votes:
I've annotated the first fifty. If I've offended you by making fun of your son's name, or your name, that was pretty much the point. I'll try to get the first fifty girls names done too.

1. Aiden
Give me a farking break. Number one is this mess?

2. Jackson
This is a last name.

3. Ethan
Tom Cruise character

4. Liam
Wouldn't be on chart without Neeson

5. Mason
This is a jar, not a first name.

6. Noah
Hi, my son is named after a drunk boat builder whose daughters got him drunk and farked him.

7. Lucas
This is a last name.

8. Jacob
OK, fine.

9. Jayden

10. Jack
This is the nickname for John. It's not a name.

11. Logan
Only OK if your son is never, ever a runner.

12. Ryan
Why? Jack Ryan? Ryan Seacrest? Why, people?

13. Caleb
You're not Irish. Why are you trying to be Irish?

14. Benjamin
OK. Tends to be a set up for an "all about" joke, but whatever.

15. William
Number fifteen, we finally get our first fairly traditional name.

16. Michael
And again, traditional name.

17. Alexander
Unless you're expecting extraordinary things from this boy, shy away from this name.

18. Elijah
Will go bald early, cause 42 children to be torn to pieces by bears after they tease him.

19. Matthew
Nice biblical name. Also, along with Michael, a name that has been associated with gay friends more often than any other names on this list. NTTAWWT.

20. Dylan
Last name. If you must do this to your boy, please teach him to speak in poetic mumbles.

21. James
Only works with Tiberius.

22. Owen

23. Connor
There should be only one. But it's 23rd.

24. Brayden
Go fark yourselves.

25. Carter
If named after the president, OK. If named after the ER character, meh. If named after the Backstreet Boy, shame.

26. Landon
If named after Alf, good on ya. If named after Michael, please go live in a little house on a prairie.

27. Joshua
I have never known a good person named Joshua. I imagine there are statistically people out there named Joshua who weren't assholes, but I've not met one.

28. Luke
If you must go Biblical, OK. If named after Mr. Perry, go maim yourself.

29. Daniel
I named my son this one. So it's OK.

30. Gabriel
If named after Peter, OK. If named after Mr. Kotter, even more so. If named after the archangel, your son will truly be a hellion by age 3.

31. Nicholas
Son will always be Romanoff.

32. Nathan
Really? A hot dog?

33. Oliver
Make his middle name "Clothesoff" and you have a deal.

34. Henry
Old fashioned, vaguely scary. Might not only marry once.

35. Andrew
Fairly normal name unless you live in South Florida.

36. Gavin
Only if you have a Love Boat fetish and wanted the captain really bad.

37. Cameron
It's a last name, or the name of a Terminatrix. As a last name, it's the name of a seriously douchey fundamentalist. Don't.

38. Eli
Only if you're Jewish. Only.

39. Max
Dog name. Only acceptable if you have another son named Min.

40. Isaac
Again, only if you were really into the Love Boat

41. Evan
Will be odd.

42. Samuel
OK bible name, but if he gets nicknamed Sammy, bad things may occur to him.

43. Grayson
No. Just no. I don't care how much you like the congressman from Central Florida.

44. Tyler
Only if first child was named Tippecanoe

45. Zachary
He'll be called "Zack", which sounds a bit too informal and a touch lacking in respect.

46. Wyatt
If there is any humor in the world, he will be nicknamed "Derp"

47. Joseph
Blah blah dreamcoat.

48. Charlie
OK, if a bit old. People who know about the unicorn videos may get a weirdly high level of amusement from your kid's name.

49. Hunter
Last name. Description. Not a first name

50. David
And fairly normal to round out the fifty.
2012-12-01 01:46:22 AM  
2 votes:
Dear pretentious, douchey, vain people who managed to figure out f*cking

Naming your kid some ostensibly Über patrician, quasi obscure, "unique" name is not going to make them a prince, a princess, a lawyer, a doctor, famous, widely regarded or a shoo in for ANY of that sh*t.

The content of their character might, but that's your job. Stop squirting out designer babies and filling their lives with pretense, overpriced crap and plying your feng shui skills on their bedrooms, arranging play dates, and swaddling them in designer crap. It's not for them. It's for you. And it's embarrassing to see.

Love them, hug them, feed them and keep them warm and yank their heads out of their asses as necessary, because the window dressing isn't gonna mount to sh*t if you don't. Honest.
2012-11-30 11:58:15 PM  
2 votes:
it's the parents that want to appear unique, not their children.
2012-11-30 11:39:22 PM  
2 votes:
Aiden Jayden Cayden Ayden Caiden Jaiden.


The girl names I like until you hit the Kaitlyns and Kaylees.
2012-11-30 09:31:31 PM  
2 votes:
51. dahmers love zombie
Has WAY too much times on his hands.
2012-12-01 12:56:51 AM  
1 vote:

mesmer242: Notabunny: More people named their boys Tristan, Asher and Declan than Hayden? I think have my son't class is named Hayden, but I've never met a Declan.

I know someone who is a nanny, and the kid she nannies is named Declan. Rich people make bad name choices too, I guess.

/my daughter's name isn't in the top 300
//but you could still spell it without help if I told you what it was.

I'm going with Frances or Lucile. I'm a sucker for the classics.
2012-12-01 12:38:17 AM  
1 vote:

jaytkay: Coco LaFemme: Danish/German names

Ariel, Kringle, Adolf...

Ariel is Hebrew, and traditionally male, not female. I was thinking more like Kirsten, Margrethe, Ingrid, Gretchen, Gustav, or Henrik.
2012-12-01 12:36:00 AM  
1 vote:

whatshisname: A challenger appears: Declan would like to have a word with you.

That's Irish. White as white can be.

Since when were the Irish considered White?
2012-12-01 12:29:01 AM  
1 vote:

Hyjamon: shortymac: Too many -dens and last names as first name.

It doesn't make your mistake of a low class baby "prestigious" or high class. BLECH

last names as first names are okay with boys...with girls you can have some more interesting names in the future...

Girl named Madison Smith marries a guy name Kevin Madison...her name is now Madison Madison

2012-12-01 12:16:38 AM  
1 vote:

Pontious Pilates: Catholicism farked us up in a lot of ways, but one sensible thing about it is good solid traditional names. Stick to the apostles and better known saints. Don't be one of those jerkoffs with a kid named Brayden/Jayden/Quayden.

Papal names aren't too bad, either for boys, for the most part. Leo, John, Gregory, Alexander, Paul, Martin, Adrian are all solid choices and Peter as a name has served me well. There are some that might not be appropriate. Benedict hasn't been popular in the US since the revolution, Innocent would not do at all, Sixtus would set the kid up for a lifetime of teasing and Hiliarius is just awful.
2012-12-01 12:16:17 AM  
1 vote:

laid back w/bud light: I named my daughter Kaitlyn 11 years ago and she's the most loving polite girl you could ever meet. Of course it wasn't popular back then either.

Kaitlyn reached peak popularity (AKA peak annoying) 11 years ago

2012-12-01 12:02:49 AM  
1 vote:
Catholicism farked us up in a lot of ways, but one sensible thing about it is good solid traditional names. Stick to the apostles and better known saints. Don't be one of those jerkoffs with a kid named Brayden/Jayden/Quayden.
2012-11-30 11:59:42 PM  
1 vote:
Too many -dens and last names as first name.

It doesn't make your mistake of a low class baby "prestigious" or high class. BLECH
2012-11-30 11:56:11 PM  
1 vote:

pck: 51. dahmers love zombie

LOLOLOLOLOL Thanks!!! But what if Nathan was named after Nate Silver, not Nathan's hot dogs. Just to underline that the ridiculous names need more ridicule.
2012-11-30 11:56:09 PM  
1 vote:

Mugato: No black girl's names? That's where the comedy lies.

o.onionstatic.comView Full Size

2012-11-30 11:52:22 PM  
1 vote:
More than a little surprised there's not a single Hispanic name on the list.
2012-11-30 11:44:04 PM  
1 vote:
Isn't Cab

dahmers love zombie:

13. Caleb
You're not Irish. Why are you trying to be Irish?

Isn't Caleb Hebrew?
2012-11-30 10:49:44 PM  
1 vote:
Thank goodness only white kids are being born.
2012-11-30 08:46:51 PM  
1 vote:
No black girl's names? That's where the comedy lies.
2012-11-30 08:34:34 PM  
1 vote:
not as ridiculous as i thought it would be. i have hope.
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