If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Coed Magazine)   So you didn't win the Powerball jackpot. At least you aren't one of these losers who actually won the lottery   (coedmagazine.com) divider line 145
    More: Sad, Powerball, Erick Dampier, substance dependence  
•       •       •

17065 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Nov 2012 at 8:54 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



145 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-11-30 08:58:18 PM
I'm just shocked to find out that people that play the lottery might not be so good at managing their money. Just absolutely shocked.
 
2012-11-30 08:59:12 PM
I have a small number of charities to which I would give money. A select number of friends whose debts I would pay off, and a few family members I would help out. Beyond that, the rest would either go into savings or just get given away and I would be completely fine with that.

/Sadly, I will never win
//I don't ever play
 
2012-11-30 09:00:40 PM
Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.
 
2012-11-30 09:02:58 PM

Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.


Can I borrow a dollar for my...um... charity? She dances down at the Lusty Leopard.
 
2012-11-30 09:03:09 PM

Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.


I'd watch my back if I were you.
 
2012-11-30 09:04:40 PM

Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.


The only possible thing to do is reinvest your money. 4 bucks ain't good for much else.
 
2012-11-30 09:05:01 PM
With my powerball numbers, I would have won 250k with the regular Illinois lotto.

/pretty bitter.
 
2012-11-30 09:05:06 PM
A fool and his money are soon parted. This is true regardless of how much money said fool has.
 
2012-11-30 09:05:17 PM
The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.
 
2012-11-30 09:08:26 PM
This is why all lottery winners should have the option to stay anonymous. If You win its really no one else's bidness.
 
2012-11-30 09:09:27 PM

davidphogan: I'm just shocked to find out that people that play the lottery might not be so good at managing their money. Just absolutely shocked.


Numbers 1 and 2 didn't do anything too terribly wrong.

Number 5 had a gambling issue, but there was also the "can't say no" issue which is hard to fault people for. ITG all you want, I'm glad that I'm in a state that allows lotto winners to stay anonymous.

/only bought 3 tickets ever
 
2012-11-30 09:09:37 PM
7 people at work put in $6 each. $42 dollars worth of Powerball tickets

$4

$4/7= 57 cents each. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm part of the 1% now!
 
2012-11-30 09:10:03 PM

Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.


And then having another event at the local high school auditorium for the town to attend.

They're not playing things too smart so far.
 
2012-11-30 09:10:11 PM
Oh, right. The first loser is from West Virginia and is wearing a cowboy hat. Like the lottery money is the problem.

Here's a little deal I would like to offer to Americans, Canadians and others (tourists, immigrants, aliens): if you promise not to wear cowboy hats East of the Mississipi River, we Easteners promise we will no take up wearing So'westers, rubber boots and Newfoundland fishermen gloves West of the Mississippi.

If you like, you can wear either make-believe costume in Toronto, but only at cosplay conventions.

Is it a deal suckers?
 
2012-11-30 09:11:06 PM

Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.


WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!
 
2012-11-30 09:12:18 PM
Wasn't there that one time that this trio of "bankers" won the lottery, but then rumors started circulating that these guys were really "financial lawyers" that claimed the money for the real winner so that he/she could stay anonymous? The trio got a cut of the winnings and the winner got to spend with no one pouncing them for cash.

/If that's true, I say GENIUS.
 
2012-11-30 09:12:35 PM
I often read these types of cautionary tales about a lottery winner blowing all their money and/or having their lives spin out of control after winning. Occasionally, I will read a story about how a winner's life was changed for the better. Overall, though, I wonder if most large jackpot winners feel that the win made their lives better or worse?

Either way though, I think lotteries are bad for society. I can't help but feel that if you sell hundreds of thousands of people (or more) a little piece of hope then yank it away, and you do this over and over again, it can't be good. Also, I've known a few problem gamblers before, and it's a miserable way to live for both them and their families.
 
2012-11-30 09:12:36 PM

Frank N Stein: With my powerball numbers, I would have won 250k with the regular Illinois lotto.

/pretty bitter.


I know how you feel. With my numbers I would have won the North Dakota Hot Lotto Triple Sizzler on 12 June, 1987.
 
2012-11-30 09:12:36 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!


Is that how much a Donkey Show costs now?
 
2012-11-30 09:12:54 PM

brantgoose: Oh, right. The first loser is from West Virginia and is wearing a cowboy hat. Like the lottery money is the problem.

Here's a little deal I would like to offer to Americans, Canadians and others (tourists, immigrants, aliens): if you promise not to wear cowboy hats East of the Mississipi River, we Easteners promise we will no take up wearing So'westers, rubber boots and Newfoundland fishermen gloves West of the Mississippi.

If you like, you can wear either make-believe costume in Toronto, but only at cosplay conventions.

Is it a deal suckers?


It's a hat bro, don't get so worked up
 
2012-11-30 09:12:54 PM

Mercury: 7 people at work put in $6 each. $42 dollars worth of Powerball tickets

$4

$4/7= 57 cents each. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm part of the 1% now!


Bah!! Rich people problems
 
2012-11-30 09:13:12 PM

Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.


OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??

I doubt they took the time to consult with a lawyer and a money manager. That's the first thing you do after signing your ticket. Foolish people. I predict they'll be one of the next sad lottery stories.
 
2012-11-30 09:14:52 PM

brantgoose: Oh, right. The first loser is from West Virginia and is wearing a cowboy hat. Like the lottery money is the problem.

Here's a little deal I would like to offer to Americans, Canadians and others (tourists, immigrants, aliens): if you promise not to wear cowboy hats East of the Mississipi River, we Easteners promise we will no take up wearing So'westers, rubber boots and Newfoundland fishermen gloves West of the Mississippi.

If you like, you can wear either make-believe costume in Toronto, but only at cosplay conventions.

Is it a deal suckers?


What's the word on fursuits?
/just askin'...
//...for a friend
 
2012-11-30 09:15:04 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!


My plan was to buy the state of Montana, though I've never been there...
 
2012-11-30 09:15:13 PM
Link

It appears one guy who won the recent lottery decided to break the news on facebook.
 
2012-11-30 09:15:23 PM

Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.


According to my quick and dirty google search, only six states - Kansas, Maryland, Delaware, Michigan, North Dakota and Ohio, allow lottery winners to stay anonymous. Most states require winners to appear in news conferences and promotional events, at least to some degree. So it may be the couple in Missouri didn't have much of a choice.

The thing to do if you must consent to such media nonsense, is immediately after fulfilling whatever media obligations you have, go directly to the nearest airport and take a flight to Hawaii or Europe or some place where no one knows or cares about you, for about 6 months.
 
2012-11-30 09:15:55 PM

NeoCortex42: And then having another event at the local high school auditorium for the town to attend.


Three-Fifty: And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!!


Holy fark, these people are goddamn idiots.
 
2012-11-30 09:16:51 PM

Three-Fifty: Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.

OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??

I doubt they took the time to consult with a lawyer and a money manager. That's the first thing you do after signing your ticket. Foolish people. I predict they'll be one of the next sad lottery stories.


In most states you must publicly come forward. Very few states allow for winners to remain anonymous and a couple even require a photograph to be made available
 
2012-11-30 09:18:01 PM
Do not tell people you are going to do good with your money. Every charity, moocher and con-artist on the Earth will say to themselves: KA-CHING!

I plan to use my lottery winnings purely for evil. Anybody who asks me for a cent is in deep, deep, shiat.

You can do a lot of hurt with $300,000,000. Just look at Romney's political campaign. Romney is super-rich and has still cost the Massachusetts voters more than he has. He cost the Republicans over a billion dollars and what did they get for his trouble?

Eviiiiiiiiiiiiiiil! I think I will have a man servant named Mephistocles. That's a great name. I'm surprised that more Southerners didn't have slaves named that.

My campaign slogan: Faust in War, Faust in Peace!
 
2012-11-30 09:18:02 PM
I would literally tell nobody if I won the lottery. I'd do whatever it is those folks do when they form trusts and have their lawyer claim the prize. (I must admit I'm a proud GED law degree holder so I'm not sure how that works). The only exception to this would be a spouse.

In all reality, a lot of people you think you can trust will start to look at you differently and its unavoidable:
- Your coworkers will assume you don't take work seriously (even if you love your job) because you can quit whenever you want. You will get passed up for opportunities because of this.
- You might get sued or extorted (as in one of the cases in the article)
- You *WILL* constantly get hit up for money. It will get annoying
- Casual acquaintances will hit you up for money when they're in a tight spot and will say things about it to common friends when you refuse. Whether you like it or not, some of these people will not be sympathetic towards you in this regard no matter how bogus that is.
- I like to at least this your close friends won't give a fark

Seriously, no matter how good you are with money, I don't think any of us have a clue how much our lives would change because of something like this.
 
2012-11-30 09:18:30 PM
If I won a major lottery I would:

First, I would split down the middle with my wife and I each getting half.

Second, I would negotiate with my wife so each of us contributes 50% to the existing debt and credit load and removes that.

Third, negotiate with my wife so we bilaterally wipe out all of our children's existing debt.

Then we are on our own, financially.

On my own side, I'd replace an aging vehicle with something more up-to-date and reliable.

I'd give each of my siblings a tax-free million, out of my share, not my wife's share, whatever that wound up costing. I'd place conditions on one sibling though: he first has to sell off my dad's house he squatted into and distribute the proceeds to the surviving siblings. Then he gets his million. This would settle an old family feud that I have been avoiding, but about which other siblings constantly whine.

I would then capitalize my business to successfully promote unique technology I've developed with insufficient funds to get it to market.

After that, once that reaches surviving critical mass, I'd get a place on the Florida gulf side, and a big enough boat so that I could go out into the Gulf, turn off the engine, and listen to the sound of God.
 
2012-11-30 09:18:32 PM
Thanks subby. The article was okay, but I found the link at the bottom and I took a ride down Hump Blvd.

/DAT ASS x 51
 
2012-11-30 09:18:56 PM

Three-Fifty: Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.

OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??

I doubt they took the time to consult with a lawyer and a money manager. That's the first thing you do after signing your ticket. Foolish people. I predict they'll be one of the next sad lottery stories.


Bless their hearts. The conference was held at the HS gym where they met. Someone trustworthy please coddle them, immediately. They do have a small community to look out for them so there is that.
*says silent prayer that they do NOT send that child out alone
 
2012-11-30 09:18:58 PM

Three-Fifty: OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??


All but 6 states (DE, KS, MD, MI, ND, OH) require the names (and in many cases town of residence) of winners to be released publicly or to anybody who asks.
 
2012-11-30 09:19:16 PM
1>claim it anonymously if possible
2>dont tell anyone
3>find a lawyer
3>do not quit job immediately, after a few weeks, put in your 2 weeks notice claiming that you got another job
4>get off the grid - change phone #, cell phone etc
5>tour europe or asia or sit on a beach in another country for a few months
6>when you come back, move to where there are lots of rich people so you dont stand out
7>stay alive if you can


/i'm all ready
//have yet to actually buy a ticket
 
2012-11-30 09:19:37 PM

Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.


Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.
 
2012-11-30 09:20:00 PM
Mrs Trade Secret would stay grounded. Investing, helping others, creating college accounts, etc.

I OTOH would totally blow through a metric shiat-ton of cash on strippers, hookers, magic cards, and shiny gadgets. Not all of it mind you, just A LOT
 
2012-11-30 09:20:46 PM
Is it lottery bucket list time?

Daily in-home care for gramma. Or retirement community if she prefers but I don't think she would.
Pay off dad's house (or buy him a sick boat if I'm too late on the house).
Seed money for bro to start a restaurant (with the assumption I'll never see a penny back).
Probably offer to buy an albatrossian rental property from my uncle and let a property management company deal with it or flip it for a loss.
Buy myself a little cabin in the woods.

Oh, and

livingwithballs.com
 
2012-11-30 09:20:52 PM
Am I the only person who's first acts would be...
- pay off my mortgage
- maybe do a few minor renos
- *maybe* buy a car
- top up my RRSP
- set up education fund for the rug rats in the family

Then find myself an accountant, give them the money, and make sure I only get an allowance? :)
 
2012-11-30 09:20:54 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!


Maybe you can smuggle back enough Tequila to make back your loses. How much would that be? Three, four bottles? Half a case?
 
2012-11-30 09:20:58 PM
That Filipino guy reminds me of every Filipino guy I have ever met.
So he's in good company.
 
2012-11-30 09:22:04 PM

Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.


Concept Accepted!
 
2012-11-30 09:22:11 PM

Marshmallow Jones: 5>tour europe or asia or sit on a beach in another country for a few months


I did that with almost no money. Imagine what I could do with 250 million.
 
2012-11-30 09:22:26 PM
I'd have absolutely no problem saying "No" to most requests for money, but it's the things you can't control that would worry me - people wanting to sue me because they tripped on a blade of grass in my yard, or because I "promised" them a million bucks 20 years ago if I ever won the lottery, or the worst of them all, physical harm or threats to me or my family.

I almost think I'd prefer winning a small lottery (say, $100,000 a year over 20-30 years) vs one big $300 Million + windfall.
 
2012-11-30 09:23:25 PM

Sgt. Expendable: davidphogan: I'm just shocked to find out that people that play the lottery might not be so good at managing their money. Just absolutely shocked.

Numbers 1 and 2 didn't do anything too terribly wrong.

Number 5 had a gambling issue, but there was also the "can't say no" issue which is hard to fault people for. ITG all you want, I'm glad that I'm in a state that allows lotto winners to stay anonymous.

/only bought 3 tickets ever


#1 went public and tried to help everyone who begged him, bought a number of businesses at once, and generally didn't know what the hell he was doing with his money. If you have $315 million and you manage to lose it all without ever realizing you're screwing up and probably should hire someone to manage your money for you it's really tough to not think you're at fault if you lose it all.

#2 was unlucky more than anything, I'll give you that. #5 kind of proves my point. A gambling addict won the lottery, and I'm supposed to think it's a surprise that she ended up gambling it away?

Not everyone who wins the lottery blows it all, but I'm still in no way shocked that people who win the lottery often don't know how to manage money. If you have $2.46 to your name and you're buying lottery tickets (like #3), you probably aren't great at managing your money.

I'm happy for people who win the lottery, I just don't have very high hopes for them because they were playing the lottery in the first place. It means they're probably not very good with numbers.
 
2012-11-30 09:24:07 PM

Popcorn Johnny: Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.

Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.


I recall that some stockbrokers or something similar won a big prize and did this. This is wise. People might not like the idea of the most overpaid people on Earth* winning a career's worth of bonuses all at once during a recession that may yet turn out to be a Depression.

*May not literally be the most overpaid people on Earth, but you know what I mean.
 
2012-11-30 09:25:53 PM

Atomic Spunk: I often read these types of cautionary tales about a lottery winner blowing all their money and/or having their lives spin out of control after winning. Occasionally, I will read a story about how a winner's life was changed for the better. Overall, though, I wonder if most large jackpot winners feel that the win made their lives better or worse?

Either way though, I think lotteries are bad for society. I can't help but feel that if you sell hundreds of thousands of people (or more) a little piece of hope then yank it away, and you do this over and over again, it can't be good. Also, I've known a few problem gamblers before, and it's a miserable way to live for both them and their families.


===========

The alternative is worse, you get organized crime back into the gambling biz. My uncle's late father-in-law lost his house playing the ponies at a mob bookie joint back in the 1950s. You may not believe this, but real life mafia guys aren't the suave Marlin Brando Godfather types.

My big objection to US lottery games is the lying bull shiat that goes along with them. In Europe, if you win a million Euros, you have a million Euros paid out to you, no annuities, no present value, and no taxes.
 
2012-11-30 09:25:57 PM

0Icky0: Marshmallow Jones: 5>tour europe or asia or sit on a beach in another country for a few months

I did that with almost no money. Imagine what I could do with 250 million.


It's amazing how much travel and fantastic life experience you can accomplish with very little money.

*Knucks & napsacks
 
2012-11-30 09:27:25 PM

AbbeySomeone: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

The only possible thing to do is reinvest your money. 4 bucks ain't good for much else.


It'll get you a burrito. And burritos are delicious.
 
2012-11-30 09:28:36 PM
I hate hearing all these "reasons" not to win. BS. Go ahead give me a shot. I might make a few mistakes, but there's no way I'll end up broke. Farking idiots.
 
2012-11-30 09:29:08 PM

Transubstantive: Three-Fifty: Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.

OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??

e


True - but if I won and *had* to go on TV/take pics (if I could not claim it through a trust and lawyers) you'd better believe I'd be wearing a wig, false teeth, garish makeup, etc. And I would change my rather common name (which is a bit of a protection in itself) immediately.
 
2012-11-30 09:30:20 PM
#1 Hire an attorney.
#2 Hire an accountant
#3 Hire a financial advisor
#4 Make sure that #'s 1-3 don't know each other
#5 Change phone #'s
#6 Move
#7 make sure all mail to old address goes directly to the trash
#8 then claim the prize.

/Never going to happen. Back to work on Monday.
 
2012-11-30 09:30:47 PM
I would start a brewery...what better way to pay it forward than getting the masses drunk? A man can have his dream
 
2012-11-30 09:31:41 PM

davidphogan: AbbeySomeone: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

The only possible thing to do is reinvest your money. 4 bucks ain't good for much else.

It'll get you a burrito. And burritos are delicious.


You boast of your streetcart superiority.
Hey, Seattle one ups you with measure 502 - *spark
 
2012-11-30 09:32:33 PM
I've heard of stores checking their security cameras and posting photos of lotto winners. Once the lotto winner didn't know she won until seeing her photo. It's a bit annoying overall though because if you want to remain anonymous and a store posts your picture and then it ends up on the news.........
 
2012-11-30 09:32:44 PM
AbbeySomeone
Hey, Seattle one ups you with measure 502 - *spark

me thinks sparking up costs more than $4..unless you run the cartel
 
2012-11-30 09:33:15 PM

meintx2001: I hate hearing all these "reasons" not to win. BS. Go ahead give me a shot. I might make a few mistakes, but there's no way I'll end up broke. Farking idiots.


I dunno, 2 or the 5 had a sibling attempt to kill them, and another one had his granddaughter get kidnapped in an attempt to extort him. I'm not sure how much money I'd want to have to deal with those sorts of things. I'm not saying they are a brightest bulbs to begin with, but they definitely walked into a whole new world when they cashed in those tickets.
 
2012-11-30 09:33:26 PM

brantgoose: I plan to use my lottery winnings purely for evil. Anybody who asks me for a cent is in deep, deep, shiat.


I'm stealing this idea. If there is absolutely no way to remain anon if I win, I'll lay it all out there at the press conference. I'll start with "I know some people who know some people who hurt people. Don't make me contact them"

Ask for $1000, and your dog disappears. ask for more, you're tempting fate.
 
2012-11-30 09:34:53 PM

AutumnWind: I've heard of stores checking their security cameras and posting photos of lotto winners. Once the lotto winner didn't know she won until seeing her photo. It's a bit annoying overall though because if you want to remain anonymous and a store posts your picture and then it ends up on the news.........


OMG. Now that means that I must wear a disguises wen I buy my tickets from now on. Crap.
 
2012-11-30 09:35:34 PM
99% of the people that play the lottery are morons. What do you expect?

The odds of the 1% of smart people combined with the odds of winning in general are infinitesimally small.
 
2012-11-30 09:35:59 PM

Atomic Spunk: I often read these types of cautionary tales about a lottery winner blowing all their money and/or having their lives spin out of control after winning. Occasionally, I will read a story about how a winner's life was changed for the better. Overall, though, I wonder if most large jackpot winners feel that the win made their lives better or worse?

Either way though, I think lotteries are bad for society. I can't help but feel that if you sell hundreds of thousands of people (or more) a little piece of hope then yank it away, and you do this over and over again, it can't be good. Also, I've known a few problem gamblers before, and it's a miserable way to live for both them and their families.


There's no way governments would give up lotteries, they pull in way too much easy money. Maybe they should assign them financial advisers and counselors or force them to put a percentage into a trust fund for ten years so there's at least a chance they won't blow it all.
 
2012-11-30 09:36:33 PM
Three-fifty, It's winter so you can wrap a scarf around your face maybe. haha
 
2012-11-30 09:37:39 PM

desertfool: #1 Hire an attorney.
#2 Hire an accountant
#3 Hire a financial advisor
#4 Make sure that #'s 1-3 don't know each other
#5 Change phone #'s
#6 Move
#7 make sure all mail to old address goes directly to the trash
#8 then claim the prize.

/Never going to happen. Back to work on Monday.


That's one that I didn't think of. Good call.

/Never going to happen
 
2012-11-30 09:37:41 PM

AbbeySomeone: You boast of your streetcart superiority.
Hey, Seattle one ups you with measure 502 - *spark


We have some great taquarias around NE, and popping up all over.

As far as 502, I took my dad up there right before the election and we were both amused by the number of times people tried to give us flyers about that.

If I won the lottery, I'd probably buy an island in Washington. Cause hell, if I had a hundred million laying around, why not?
 
2012-11-30 09:37:51 PM

Fissile:

The alternative is worse, you get organized crime back into the gambling biz. My uncle's late father-in-law lost his house playing the ponies at a mob bookie joint back in the 1950s. You may not believe this, but real life mafia guys aren't the suave Marlin Brando Godfather types.

My big objection to US lottery games is the lying bull shiat that goes along with them. In Europe, if you win a million Euros, you have a million Euros paid out to you, no annuities, no present value, and no taxes.


I think the alternatives would be worse for some - particularly the seriously addicted gamblers who have contacts to those in organized crime. But the thing that's so bad about legal lotteries is that they're so ubiquitous, so a much larger segment of the population wastes their money on false hope. If lotteries were illegal, I think most people wouldn't be out searching for an illegal alternative - they'd just choose not to gamble.

I live in Hawaii and we have no legal forms of gambling. I'm aware that there are illegal gambling parlors and sports betting operations here, but I only know of a couple people who participate. Most people here don't even bother to try to find these places because they're illegal. But if lotteries were legal, I'm quite sure that most of the people I know would probably buy a ticket.
 
2012-11-30 09:37:58 PM

kpaxoid: ...After that, once that reaches surviving critical mass, I'd get a place on the Florida gulf side, and a big enough boat so that I could go out into the Gulf, turn off the engine, and listen to the sound of God.


God sounds like oil rigs?
 
2012-11-30 09:38:26 PM

Taleri: It appears one guy who won the recent lottery decided to break the news on facebook.


and promised to give a million to some random person who shared the pic, so I've been seeing his ugly smiling face all day on fb.

/looks shopped to me, I should know...
 
2012-11-30 09:45:57 PM
let's see:

1: pay off my outstanding tickets.
2: get a car that isn't falling apart.
3: buy a house large enough to raise a family in.
4: buy a plot of land and build the restaurant/bar that I've been designing for the last 3 years.
5: kick off my bbq sauce line.
6: buy a round a week at my favorite pub.

Maybe I should start playing...
 
2012-11-30 09:46:35 PM

desertfool: #1 Hire an attorney.
#2 Hire an accountant
#3 Hire a financial advisor
#4 Make sure that #'s 1-3 don't know each other
#5 Change phone #'s
#6 Move
#7 make sure all mail to old address goes directly to the trash
#8 then claim the prize.

/Never going to happen. Back to work on Monday.


and after all that I would pay six 18-year-olds to cosplay as the characters from My Little Pony : Friendship is Magic.
 
2012-11-30 09:46:35 PM

Ronin_S:
There's no way governments would give up lotteries, they pull in way too much easy money. Maybe they should assign them financial advisers and counselors or force them to put a percentage into a trust fund for ten years so there's at least a chance they won't blow it all.


I think the ten year trust fund and a financial adviser idea is really worthwhile.
 
2012-11-30 09:46:56 PM

Atomic Spunk: I think the alternatives would be worse for some - particularly the seriously addicted gamblers who have contacts to those in organized crime. But the thing that's so bad about legal lotteries is that they're so ubiquitous, so a much larger segment of the population wastes their money on false hope. If lotteries were illegal, I think most people wouldn't be out searching for an illegal alternative - they'd just choose not to gamble.

I live in Hawaii and we have no legal forms of gambling. I'm aware that there are illegal gambling parlors and sports betting operations here, but I only know of a couple people who participate. Most people here don't even bother to try to find these places because they're illegal. But if lotteries were legal, I'm quite sure that most of the people I know would probably buy a ticket.


I'm in Oregon, and pretty much every bar and cigarette store in the state has video poker/slots and Keno. We had sports better here until 2007, but they took that away. Anyway, it gets split 59% for education, 25% for economic development, 15% for state parks, and 1% for problem gambling treatment. It's only about a billion dollars for the state.

And maybe people in Hawaii don't illegally gamble online, but I know a number of people who bet on sports and play poker online.
 
2012-11-30 09:50:29 PM

Atomic Spunk: If lotteries were illegal, I think most people wouldn't be out searching for an illegal alternative - they'd just choose not to gamble.


That's true, but the average person doesn't have a gambling problem. People with gambling problems will find the illegal alternatives anyway if no legal one is available. Making it illegal doesn't protect anyone, it just changes gambling addicts from people with a problem into criminals. Making gambling illegal is exactly the same as prohibition or the war on drugs.
 
2012-11-30 09:50:40 PM
Giving a radom person a large sum of money often ends with very stupid decisions? No way
 
2012-11-30 09:51:06 PM

desertfool:
#0 Don't tell ANYBODY you won - especially spouse
#1 Hire an attorney.
#2 Hire an accountant
#3 Hire a financial advisor
#4 Make sure that #'s 1-3 don't know each other
#5 Change phone #'s
#6 Open bank account in Switzerland with $300
#7 make sure all mail to old address goes directly to the trash
#8 then claim the prize.
#9 Have money transferred directly into Swiss bank account
#10 Move to Switzerland (with spouse if u must)


 
2012-11-30 09:55:19 PM
So how long until someone kidnaps the Missouri people's kid? These people are retarded. They clearly did not do anything but call the lottery commission saying they won and when can they get their money.
 
2012-11-30 09:57:24 PM
I knew a big lotto winner (60mil + / - ) from a marina I was at for a time. He had his brand new giant ugly-ass houseboat on the same pier as I had my boat.

He was your garden variety mulleted redneck that toiled on a production line at a cardboard factory somewhere in Western Wisconsin prior to winning.

He was by far the richest person in the entire marina but never really interacted with anyone else because he had nothing much to say beyond what he was buying/spending money on this week.

He ended up at our marina because the snooty one down river populated by a bunch of Shooter McGavins had thrown him out for bieng too trashy (not in so many words though).

I actually felt kind of sorry for the guy.
 
2012-11-30 09:57:25 PM
sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net

I feel like this needs to be shopped.
 
2012-11-30 09:57:32 PM

To The Escape Zeppelin!: Atomic Spunk: If lotteries were illegal, I think most people wouldn't be out searching for an illegal alternative - they'd just choose not to gamble.

That's true, but the average person doesn't have a gambling problem. People with gambling problems will find the illegal alternatives anyway if no legal one is available. Making it illegal doesn't protect anyone, it just changes gambling addicts from people with a problem into criminals. Making gambling illegal is exactly the same as prohibition or the war on drugs.


I don't know if that's a fair comparison. I recall reading that when drugs were decriminalized in Portugal and the Netherlands, abuse as well as overall usage didn't change significantly. However, if lotteries were made legal in my state, I'm quite certain that a lot of people I know who never gamble at all would probably buy a ticket or two. So I think that keeping it illegal is probably protecting a lot of people from gambling their money away. I'm just speculating, of course.
 
2012-11-30 10:00:14 PM
Shamelessly bookmarking cause the links on the site look very interesting for when my wife is not looking over my shoulder.

coedmagazine.files.wordpress.com 

coedmagazine.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-30 10:06:16 PM

Atomic Spunk: So I think that keeping it illegal is probably protecting a lot of people from gambling their money away.


Why shouldn't people be able to spend their money in the way they want to?
 
2012-11-30 10:07:08 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!


winnow.veeshanvault.org
 
2012-11-30 10:09:40 PM
A man rushed into his house and yelled to his wife, "Susan, pack your things. I just won the National Lottery!'
'Brilliant,' replied Susan, 'shall I pack for warm weather or cold?'
'I don't care.' the man said, 'just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
 
2012-11-30 10:11:11 PM

Taleri: Link

It appears one guy who won the recent lottery decided to break the news on facebook.


fake
 
2012-11-30 10:14:26 PM
If you can't collect the prize anonymously, then don't collect for a few weeks if you can (no risk of someone stealing your ticket, etc.). Better yet if the pot is split; the other suckers will get most of the press and you collecting it will be buried further down in the news.

I promised myself I'd still work for a year, just to get used to the money. You want to also be able to live off the interest of your money (1% of $100 million is $1 millon...if you can't figure out how to live off of $3 million, then you get what you deserve).
 
2012-11-30 10:15:25 PM

Popcorn Johnny: Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.

Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.


This.

Step 1: Put the the ticket in a safety deposit box, do NOT sign it

Step 2: Contact a large national law that has an office in your state with Corporate Trust and Structured Finance practices.

Not only will you stay anonymous, you'll also minimize your tax burden.
 
2012-11-30 10:16:00 PM

balki1867: [sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x636]

I feel like this needs to be shopped.


it already is
 
2012-11-30 10:18:32 PM

YouSirAreAMaroon: Popcorn Johnny: Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.

Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.

This.

Step 1: Put the the ticket in a safety deposit box, do NOT sign it

Step 2: Contact a large national law that has an office in your state with Corporate Trust and Structured Finance practices.

Not only will you stay anonymous, you'll also minimize your tax burden.


Can that still work even though they pull video surveillance at the time the winning ticket was purchased? There are people who will know who you are.
 
2012-11-30 10:20:07 PM
First order of business, pay off all existing debts. home..car..etc.
second order of business, sell home and move
change name
Send money to your IMMEDIATE relatives and tell them this is a one time thing, and if they blow it all, its gone.
move to a different state, if not country
keep the bulk of your cash in off shore bank accounts to avoid paying taxes on it.

get a nice home wherever you settle down, pay it in full, work out a nice solid financial plan that will allow you to live comfortably with a nice car and house, and able to pay;taxes on it. And vacations.
 
2012-11-30 10:30:04 PM

tweek46420: balki1867: [sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x636]

I feel like this needs to be shopped.

it already is


Yeah I know, but I meant in a funny way.
 
2012-11-30 10:30:36 PM

davidphogan: Atomic Spunk: So I think that keeping it illegal is probably protecting a lot of people from gambling their money away.

Why shouldn't people be able to spend their money in the way they want to?


I'm torn on this issue. While I generally agree with what you've said, sometimes society must look beyond an individual's right and instead look at what's good for society as a whole. Although my state doesn't allow gambling, I wouldn't oppose efforts to legalize it. But at the same time, I also believe that it would create a whole mess of problems if it were legalized.
 
2012-11-30 10:30:45 PM

diaphoresis: YouSirAreAMaroon: Popcorn Johnny: Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.

Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.

This.

Step 1: Put the the ticket in a safety deposit box, do NOT sign it

Step 2: Contact a large national law that has an office in your state with Corporate Trust and Structured Finance practices.

Not only will you stay anonymous, you'll also minimize your tax burden.

Can that still work even though they pull video surveillance at the time the winning ticket was purchased? There are people who will know who you are.


I'm not sure there's any avoiding that apart from altering your appearance. Best you can do is get out of the press conference, etc. Probably still have plausible deniability assuming there's no exterior video from the store.
 
2012-11-30 10:34:02 PM

balki1867: tweek46420: balki1867: [sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x636]

I feel like this needs to be shopped.

it already is

Yeah I know, but I meant in a funny way.


well...it kind of is already
 
2012-11-30 10:35:15 PM
"He also "donated" a lot of money to casinos, bars and hookers."

What's Dionie Reyes' Fark handle?
 
2012-11-30 10:36:28 PM

YouSirAreAMaroon: Popcorn Johnny: Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.

Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.

This.

Step 1: Put the the ticket in a safety deposit box, do NOT sign it

Step 2: Contact a large national law that has an office in your state with Corporate Trust and Structured Finance practices.

Not only will you stay anonymous, you'll also minimize your tax burden.


This is not true everywhere. In Florida, all benefactors of any trust must be made public when collecting lottery winners. If you win the lottery here and collect any portion of it, you will be made public.
 
2012-11-30 10:41:57 PM
I am seriously excited to read the sob story for these Missouri idiots in a year. Just no chance in hell it ends well for them. They are the definition of naive.
 
2012-11-30 10:49:45 PM
"I know you've never made a good decision in your life but here's a few hundred million dollars so now money is no object"

Yeah that won't end well.
 
2012-11-30 10:50:07 PM

Atomic Spunk: I'm torn on this issue. While I generally agree with what you've said, sometimes society must look beyond an individual's right and instead look at what's good for society as a whole. Although my state doesn't allow gambling, I wouldn't oppose efforts to legalize it. But at the same time, I also believe that it would create a whole mess of problems if it were legalized.


We have gambling here. It creates a mess of problems.

If I won the lottery, I would.....you would never find me. I'd just keep moving.
 
2012-11-30 10:51:39 PM

kpaxoid: If I won a major lottery I would:

First, I would split down the middle with my wife and I each getting half.

Second, I would negotiate with my wife so each of us contributes 50% to the existing debt and credit load and removes that.

Third, negotiate with my wife so we bilaterally wipe out all of our children's existing debt.

What the fark kind of debts do you have that would even make a dent in a multi-million lottery winning?
 
2012-11-30 10:57:12 PM

FuManchu7: YouSirAreAMaroon: Popcorn Johnny: Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.

Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.

This.

Step 1: Put the the ticket in a safety deposit box, do NOT sign it

Step 2: Contact a large national law that has an office in your state with Corporate Trust and Structured Finance practices.

Not only will you stay anonymous, you'll also minimize your tax burden.

This is not true everywhere. In Florida, all benefactors of any trust must be made public when collecting lottery winners. If you win the lottery here and collect any portion of it, you will be made public.


What if the benefactor of the trust is an LLC?
 
2012-11-30 11:02:10 PM
Some time ago my father passed away and left me half interest in his house, which netted $143K and change after all fees were paid.

It was one of these Florida real estate deals: on again--off again, they keep you on pins and needles for months. But it finally went through and---------BLAM! Big stack of money in the bank account, I was sitting at the computer at the time, calling the agent on the phone to verify receipt.

I had made up my mind in advance, I would blow $5k on frivolous self--indulgences, spend $5K more on practical items I would need over time, and save the rest.

Well, 4 hours later I spotted a 250 Virago on craigslist, 5000 miles and showroom condition,only $1500. That is light by a factor of 2 to one, so I grabbed it. After a week or so, I jumped on the bike and spent $1800 on a 5200--mile joyride through 13 States, and then I blew a few hundred here and there, mostly on practical items.

I do not count the bike as frivolous, not when I can ride it 5 years and 60,000 miles, and sell it for about $1000 or so; works out to about 27 cents a day. When the score was tallied up, I had only spent $5K of the $10K I had intended to blow; I still had plenty left over.

The secret here is, plan well in advance what you will do, and give your weaknesses a chance to work themselves out; set a fixed sum to waste, waste it---and quit.
 
2012-11-30 11:05:12 PM
Bah, you people don't think big enough.

My evil plan:

1. Start a private college.
Note: Do not do this entirely with your own funds. Get together with investors but maintain control of the project. Do not put all your funds on the line; share the liability.

2. Use your hundreds of millions to hire the best and brightest researchers and rock-star scientists, poaching them from institutions around the globe.
Note: pick a small but progressive town to construct in, that will recognize what the construction of such a college could do for the community, and therefore create a tax-and-building-code friendly environment for you.

3. Remember the amazing private research laboratories that used be run by Bell, HP, Sony, etc, before they all sold out to making printer toner and Playstations? Offer to outsource old-school R&D to companies like these (you do have the best and the brightest researchers, now) - if in return, they will come to your college first when they are looking for fresh-faced new graduates to hire. This will give your college a reputation for not only having the best research program in the world, but a place in which it seems that every graduate walks into a solid job with a large tech company.

3.1. Start a few side gigs. Nothing crazy grandiose, just some mildly successful businesses in various industries. Or make good connections with other business owners/industry types. When the second-tier graduates graduate, send them job offers and hire them in whatever positions you can squeeze them in (or use your contacts to get them hired). The goal here is to ensure job placement for as many of your students as possible, to build the reputation of the college.

4. Offer kickass scholarships (funded with aid from the organizations mentioned above that you partner with) to what quickly becomes the most prestigious private college in the world. Every parent worth a damn wants their child to attend (YourNameHere) University. The name of your school starts being bandied about in the same context as Yale, Harvard, Oxford, MIT, etc.

5. Once you get successful, do what no other school has done - and I think this is a kickass idea - FRANCHISE! Start opening private primary and secondary schools across the country under the "brand" of the college. Pay your teachers well and demand the highest standards of education. Imagine a 'Harvard High School' in your hometown, and the draw it would bring. Key, here, is that students going to your private school would be the first up for grabs for scholarships/admission to the university, naturally. So that you don't seem too exclusive, you open up free summer/night classes/workshops available to any public school students who wish to attend, free of charge - and the exemplary students among these can earn credits/discounts/free admission to the private school itself. Everyone is going to have a positive view of what you're doing and want their children to be a part of it. You'll make money off the regular private school enrollment while earning public favor by taking on the best and the brightest of the public school's students free of charge.

6. This is where my evil plan becomes an evil plan. You now control the hearts and minds of the best and the brightest educators, scientists/researchers, students, and key business leaders around the globe. You've groomed key industry leaders and politicians from the age of adolescence onward. I think you can see where this goes from here. You either run for President and directly control the world (because you already influence all the key people in it), or you choose to get your own groomed puppets installed in key offices and pull strings from the shadows.

7. Rule the world.
 
2012-11-30 11:06:33 PM
If were to ever win big, I plan on being very difficult to find.
 
2012-11-30 11:07:14 PM
Man, I've been playing for over 20 years.

And I have only won once.
 
2012-11-30 11:10:45 PM

Samwise Gamgee: Bah, you people don't think big enough.

My evil plan:

1. Start a private college.
Note: Do not do this entirely with your own funds. Get together with investors but maintain control of the project. Do not put all your funds on the line; share the liability.

2. Use your hundreds of millions to hire the best and brightest researchers and rock-star scientists, poaching them from institutions around the globe.
Note: pick a small but progressive town to construct in, that will recognize what the construction of such a college could do for the community, and therefore create a tax-and-building-code friendly environment for you.

3. Remember the amazing private research laboratories that used be run by Bell, HP, Sony, etc, before they all sold out to making printer toner and Playstations? Offer to outsource old-school R&D to companies like these (you do have the best and the brightest researchers, now) - if in return, they will come to your college first when they are looking for fresh-faced new graduates to hire. This will give your college a reputation for not only having the best research program in the world, but a place in which it seems that every graduate walks into a solid job with a large tech company.

3.1. Start a few side gigs. Nothing crazy grandiose, just some mildly successful businesses in various industries. Or make good connections with other business owners/industry types. When the second-tier graduates graduate, send them job offers and hire them in whatever positions you can squeeze them in (or use your contacts to get them hired). The goal here is to ensure job placement for as many of your students as possible, to build the reputation of the college.

4. Offer kickass scholarships (funded with aid from the organizations mentioned above that you partner with) to what quickly becomes the most prestigious private college in the world. Every parent worth a damn wants their child to attend (YourNameHere) University. The name of your school start ...


Brain? Is that you?
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-11-30 11:12:05 PM
I'll preface this by saying I am Canadian, and our lottery system is different than that in the States.

I buy tickets for the lottery on occasion, though I don't expect to win. $2.00 for a dream as the commercial tells me.

If I did win however, I have a foolproof plan to stay under the radar. My cousin however, would be farked. My first name is not what I go by, but I share it with him. I look similar enough to him, that when my picture was published in the Toronto Sun, the tiny little pic would support the illusion that it was him. I would dye my hair red as well.

Having family call me doesn't frighten me in the same way as having someone from say grade 2 call at 2am would.
 
2012-11-30 11:12:18 PM

Mercury: 7 people at work put in $6 each. $42 dollars worth of Powerball tickets

$4

$4/7= 57 cents each. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm part of the 1% now!


Don't feel too bad. I've never bought a ticket in my life but work started and pestered me to join. I gave them $2 out of my soda change drawer (so it was a waste anyway).

They had $60 worth of tickets and didn't win a single dime. At least I'm slightly healthier from not drinking a Dr. Pepper that day.
 
2012-11-30 11:12:59 PM

cfreak: Mercury: 7 people at work put in $6 each. $42 dollars worth of Powerball tickets

$4

$4/7= 57 cents each. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm part of the 1% now!

Don't feel too bad. I've never bought a ticket in my life but work started a pool and pestered me to join. I gave them $2 out of my soda change drawer (so it was a waste anyway).

They had $60 worth of tickets and didn't win a single dime. At least I'm slightly healthier from not drinking a Dr. Pepper that day.


Preview? What's that?
 
2012-11-30 11:20:22 PM
FTFA: The mail deluge was so large that he had to form a foundation and hire a staff just to go through it all.

Or, you know, Lowe's has this 32 gallon trash can for $15.88.

Get yourself a PO box under a fake name and have your actual bills mailed there. And then every single shred of paper you get to your home goes directly to your new "inbox."
 
2012-11-30 11:21:52 PM
Which is proof we need the obamessiah to be the one handing out cash.

That way only rainbows and unicorns will follow.


///wealth redistribution never works.
 
2012-11-30 11:22:50 PM
Damn fools. If you win the lotto, leave the people you love some of it and GTFO!
 
2012-11-30 11:25:13 PM

brantgoose: Do not tell people you are going to do good with your money. Every charity, moocher and con-artist on the Earth will say to themselves: KA-CHING


I would use the money to ruin the lives of all my enemies. And anyone who wants a favor is an enemy.

When in doubt, use Richard Nixon as your guide...
 
2012-11-30 11:25:28 PM
I used to ponder how I would spend my Powerball winnings, but finally realized that it's a waste of time. I probably have a bigger chance of Godzilla trying to eat me while I'm bent over plucking a four-leaf clover and since I never fantasize about that happening, why bother with the lottery?

I agree with a previous poster who thought that lotteries were a bad thing because they give poor people a glimmer of hope only to have that hope dashed repeatedly. This is much worse for compulsive gamblers who blow hundreds of bucks on tickets for every drawing. I did buy a ticket for this record lottery--first ticket in years--and I only had one number match, so this may be the last lottery ticket I ever buy.

Fark it, folks, the time, effort, and money wasted on the lottery could be put to better use by finding a *realistic* method to escape the Rat Race. My artistic career is a bit shaky right now, but at least I have a reasonable chance of success, much higher than the 1:175,000,000 chance of winning the Powerball. Truth is, it's not practical to sit on your couch eating Cheetos and expect that fame and fortune will simply fall from the sky and land in your lap; you actually have to go out and do something. And even if you don't succeed in getting fame and fortune, at least you're actively taking your life in your hands instead of leaving your fate to a bunch of bouncing ping-pong balls...
 
2012-11-30 11:28:11 PM
You know, after reading the article, I do think that some people are born to be poor.
 
2012-12-01 12:00:58 AM

Marshmallow Jones: 1>claim it anonymously if possible
2>dont tell anyone
3>find a lawyer & a financial advisor, both preferrably from well known firms
3>do not quit job immediately, after a few weeks, put in your 2 weeks notice claiming that you got another job
4>get off the grid - change phone #, cell phone etc
5>tour europe or asia or sit on a beach in another country for a few months
6>when you come back, move to where there are lots of rich people so you dont stand out
7>stay alive if you can


/i'm all ready
//have yet to actually buy a ticket


FTFY.; also, change your mailing address to a P.O. Box, either at a UPS Store or with the Postal Service. With the cell phone, get a "burner".
 
2012-12-01 12:03:44 AM
It would be really fun to produce a reality show with the scammers and deadbeats. Hire someone to respond to every call and letter to the winner. Like other shows, a certain amount of casting picks out the most entertaining ones. They are allowed into the studio after security screening and signing releases, and anything they say or do is on camera.

It'll be train wreck after train wreck revealing what sorry greedy wretches they are, and Americans loves them some train wrecks. Then you can have a staff vet everything they say, do background research, and call them back to the show to excoriate them for their lies... Penalties could be creative. Pie in the face, the trap door, chewed out by bible ladies, slammed by wrestlers, hot chicks with paintball guns, or introduction to local law enforcement about those old warrants... Fun!

The usual devices, like pre-pitch and post-pitch interviews, and diary cams fill time, followed by the sponsored Room of Entitlement where groups of them argue about who deserves it more!
 
2012-12-01 12:03:53 AM

Southern100: I'd have absolutely no problem saying "No" to most requests for money, but it's the things you can't control that would worry me - people wanting to sue me because they tripped on a blade of grass in my yard, or because I "promised" them a million bucks 20 years ago if I ever won the lottery, or the worst of them all, physical harm or threats to me or my family.

I almost think I'd prefer winning a small lottery (say, $100,000 a year over 20-30 years) vs one big $300 Million + windfall.


I'm reckoning you're going to have to be the most ruthless, cutthroat, blackhearted SOB in order to be able to say "no" to people. I wouldn't mind that actually, since you know there will be people out there trying to make a buck off of you.
 
2012-12-01 12:10:55 AM

Forbidden Doughnut: desertfool: #1 Hire an attorney.
#2 Hire an accountant
#3 Hire a financial advisor
#4 Make sure that #'s 1-3 don't know each other
#5 Change phone #'s
#6 Move
#7 make sure all mail to old address goes directly to the trash
#8 then claim the prize.

/Never going to happen. Back to work on Monday.

That's one that I didn't think of. Good call.


This; I work with an attorney but...I'll be damned If I let him recommend me to one of his friends/colleagues. When that much money's in play, sorry but, work relationships are just that.
 
2012-12-01 12:15:06 AM
I would fill a swimming pool with hundred dollar bills, soak the bills in butane, and light it on fire. Anyone who wants to chance it, the deal is all you can carry.
 
2012-12-01 12:16:25 AM

Special J: If were to ever win big, I plan on being very difficult to find.


This; I plan to live someone where...else if I ever won a prize that big.
 
2012-12-01 12:21:45 AM
There's a an elderly couple that lives two houses away from me that won several million a few years ago.

The wife recently died after a long, painful battle with brain cancer, and now the widower's kids are crawling out of the woodwork, hoping to use her death as a way to get close to dad and finagle a bigger slice of the inheritance.

Hopefully, he'll buy a mansion, let them all move in, then blow it up to kingdom come with an F-15 missile strike.
 
2012-12-01 12:39:08 AM

balki1867: [sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x636]

I feel like this needs to be shopped.




sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net 


my skills....lack....
 
2012-12-01 12:39:53 AM
In addition to an attorney, advisor and accountant I'd get a bodyguard. I have no idea how you get one but it seems appropriate given kidnapping and death.
 
2012-12-01 01:13:25 AM
Rule #1 - TELL NO ONE
Rule #2 - Lawyer up
Rule #3 - do not collect until you have a solid professional financial plan in place and a Plan to go Anonymous for a long time
Rule #4 - TELL NO ONE
Rule #5 - farking disappear for a while. Let your attorneys pay for wherever you're staying, rental car, etc.
Rule #6 - TELL NO ONE
Rule #7 - Get some farking sense into your head and DO NOT indulge yourself like a drinken gibbon
Rule #8 - TELL NO ONE

... the list goes on in that vein, which means sensible people will probably never win the thing

Then there are the people who win $300 million and say, "I'll keep working. I like working."

Then give the money back arsehole. Let the rest of us get a chance at it.
 
2012-12-01 01:16:13 AM

Devmapall: In addition to an attorney, advisor and accountant I'd get a bodyguard. I have no idea how you get one but it seems appropriate given kidnapping and death.


So long as you trush the bodyguard not to kidnap or death you.
 
2012-12-01 01:41:18 AM
I swear to god, if one more person tries to get me to "share" that guy's photo...

This was pretty funny, though.
i28.photobucket.com
 
2012-12-01 01:42:40 AM
I would be willing to take that chance.
 
2012-12-01 01:42:53 AM

antiFodder: Devmapall: In addition to an attorney, advisor and accountant I'd get a bodyguard. I have no idea how you get one but it seems appropriate given kidnapping and death.

So long as you trush the bodyguard not to kidnap or death you.


That's a good point. Like I said, I've never looked into it but I'm sure there's reputable companies around. I'm guessing not cheap. Not that it matters because I'll probably never win.
 
2012-12-01 01:50:54 AM
I don't understand why anyone under 60 would take the lump sum. A fool and $2M can soon be parted. I don't care who tells me I can invest or interest or whatever. I'd rather have $100K coming my way for the next 20 years than the lump sum. You lose the $100k? Guess what. Another $100K is coming next year.

That goes just as well for MegaMillions. People won't think you have an INFINITE amount of money. $250M split 30 ways is $8.333M a year. You can budget your generosity accordingly. You're rich, but not stupid rich right away. Less of a threat to your family.

And I'd be careful to blow as much of that money as possible each year. Just enough leftover for a nice retirement. You don't need to leave a lump for your kids. You need to use the money to get them a good education and, if possible, their own businesses. Or the savvy to KNOW HOW to invest and not trust anyone to invest for them. You don't want your kids or grandkids to turn into Paris Hilton.
 
2012-12-01 02:02:42 AM

diaphoresis: Brain? Is that you?


I would be if I ever bought a ticket. And won. I guess.

Consider yourselves temporarily reprieved, peoples of the free Earth. You've escaped the stylizations of my whim for a brief while.

Enjoy it while you can.
 
2012-12-01 02:14:08 AM
Bah. I'm not frittering away my time making complex plans for when I win the Powerball; no, I'm busy frittering away my time making complex plans for when I invent a practical perpetual-motion machine made out of popsicle sticks that solves all of the Earth's energy problems.

/yes, it involves giving 'happy money' to the dying oil industry so they don't put a contract out on me
//and, yes, part of my scheme involves a ceremony where I laugh in the faces of patent-office officials who regard perpetual-motion machines as crackpot science
///and when I have an absolute monopoly over the Earth's energy production, I'll start making plans for the day that the Jupiterians elect me president of the solar system
////it could happen *sigh*
 
2012-12-01 02:25:00 AM

INeedAName: I have a small number of charities to which I would give money. A select number of friends whose debts I would pay off, and a few family members I would help out. Beyond that, the rest would either go into savings or just get given away and I would be completely fine with that.

/Sadly, I will never win
//I don't ever play


First things first: HIDE. EVERYTHING. Then help people out. Preferably from an address you've moved to without giving out forwarding information.
 
2012-12-01 02:48:54 AM
When Schrödinger put his imaginary cat in the box with the radiation sample, Geiger counter, and poison-release system, he was conducting a thought experiment to show the absurdity between quantum mechanics and the macroscopic world.

However, what would happen (if PETA allowed it) if you took a billion cats and put them in a billion Schrödinger boxes and then opened the boxes up? Presumably you'd get a perfect 50/50 mixture of dead and live cats. However, what if your particular opinion regarding cats (I'm a cat-lover m'self) were to influence the probability of getting a live cat over a dead cat? That would be a mind-blowing experiment proving that ESP or solipsism exists. More importantly, if a Schrödinger box caused the universe to bifurcate into two parallel continua--one with a dead cat, one with a live cat--then your love or hatred of cats would influence which of the two spacetime continua you were in.

From that perspective, winning the Powerball is simply a matter of being in the same parallel universe as the winning numbers. I'd consider the Powerball machine as a quantum-mechanical device of sorts because the bouncing of the ping-pong balls is a very, very non-linear system and a decay of an atom on the surface of any of the balls would completely change the outcome of the numbers. In other words, like a Schrödinger box, but with 175,000,000 eigenstates instead of two. It's simply a matter of using ESP, magick, voodoo-hoodoo, or some silly occult thing to make sure you're simply in the same continuum as the winning numbers. That's the part, though, I haven't figured out yet, so I'll have to continue working as an artist with extreme insomnia.

/i'll bet only 1 in 10 of you can follow my incoherent reasoning
//i'm mostly up because i'm downloading an old Deanna Durbin movie
///probably more eccentric than any of you can comprehend
 
2012-12-01 05:53:01 AM
Projecting yourself into public after coming into money is like putting on a deer costume and running into a PA public hunting areas near Philly on the first day of the season.
 
2012-12-01 06:20:46 AM
I like to think I'd be kind of a benevolent dick to people if I won the lottery.

I'd offer to pay off half of my brothers house and my best friends house. Maybe a couple of other couples I know, the condition would be that they wouldn't tell anyone about my win for five years and that they have to pay me back eventually.
The money I paid would be an interest free loan due when the original loan was meant to be paid by, interest free means it wouldn't take as long to pay it back as the bank loan would have so they can start paying me back faster and saving money for their retirement and future sooner.
When the full amount is paid back to me that money would be divided up to their kids as a university fund(or if they've graduated either a travel fund OR to pay their student debt) BUT only when it is paid in full. Minus the cost of managing the loan(probably a lawyer and maybe an accountant to two).
So they'd own their houses earlier, have money for their kids and not feel like I'm some bank that just gives them cash whenever they need it. I'd be helping them but not giving them everything they need and they get a lump sum of cash at the end so it would be like winning the lottery again.

If they get a divorce then each of them will owe me half each and their kids, even kids from their next marriage, get the divided pot at the end. Bugger them if they can't stay together I'm not playing favourites here with stepkids and the like.

The rest I'd spend on travel for a while before I got back to my job and probably settle my debts and my parents debts.
I've never really cared about money it comes and goes. Whatever is left I'd probably buy a small house somewhere near a bike track with a decent internet connection and a new laptop as well as a decent bicycle and I'd work a few days a week, volunteer somewhere if I could and generally just chill out.

Australia is lucky in that we have mandatory anonymity laws for competition winners. The media are forbidden to name winners if they choose to be anonymous.
 
2012-12-01 06:38:49 AM
It's funny how people get frenetic over these insanely large jackpots, as if "only" a handful-million in net winnings wouldn't make it so they could quit working and live an ostentatious life for the rest of their time on Earth.

And how is it that so many people in this advanced society of ours can't seem to live on less than they make, whether it's $25,000/year or a lottery jackpot? Shouldn't it be a requirement of high school graduation to demonstrate you can set up and follow a household budget? It's upper-elementary school math.
 
2012-12-01 07:39:58 AM
I was joking with my kids before the drawing that perhaps their lives were about to be turned upside down (moving, them going to elite boarding schools so Mrs. Spass and I could travel, etc). My 12 year old announced that he was happy with his life and hoped we didn't win.

Made me think. Think I'm going to play the "smaller" lotteries now. If by some fluke I did win like 4-5 million, I'd try not to tell ANYONE (probably not even the kids). Keep working, but be able to go out to a few more lunches and dinners...have new cars a bit more often, some home improvements, real vacations, college and retirement set, etc, but keep my friends.
 
2012-12-01 07:46:42 AM
You know, i've been homeless. A lot. Living out of dad's car as a kid at times, having my home destroyed by nature as a teen, being farked over by a foreman who ran off to Texas with me and my roommates' pay/rent, and getting thrown out on my arse by an ex (from an apt that i was the leaseholder of, but i wasn't willing to fight over). I could stand to be homeless again because i blew a couple hundred million paying off my family's and friends' debts and buying them stuff. Not extravagant stuff, just the stuff i know would make them more successful at what they're already good at. A permanent location for a friend's family massage school, a dance studio for my sister to teach in and sewing lessons so her costumes for gigs look more professional. That sort of stuff.
Yeah, i may end up dead for my troubles, but i'd at least know i made some kind of difference for the people i love.

That said, i don't gamble. I hate losing bets more than i enjoy winning them, so it's just a losing game for me.
 
2012-12-01 08:34:41 AM

OnlyM3: Which is proof we need the obamessiah to be the one handing out cash.

That way only rainbows and unicorns will follow.


///wealth redistribution never works.


That implies the original wealth was distributed.
 
2012-12-01 08:42:52 AM
Let's say I won $50 million in the lottery. Here's what I'd probably do with it:

$5 million to relatives and friends

$3 million for an expensive house in the suburbs

$3 million for an expensive beach house

$2 million to charity

$20 million for an expensive, messy divorce (where I would lose the houses, too)

$1 million for another house

$5 million dissipated by a mistress

$5 million for an expensive palimony suit by said mistress

$1 million lost at the casino

$1 million spent on controlled substances

$1 million spent on doctors in attempts to cure gambling and narcotics habits

That still leaves me with $3 million, unless I underestimated the cost of one or more items, in which case I will be bankrupt.
 
2012-12-01 10:01:07 AM

Rwa2play: Forbidden Doughnut: desertfool: #1 Hire an attorney.
#2 Hire an accountant
#3 Hire a financial advisor
#4 Make sure that #'s 1-3 don't know each other
#5 Change phone #'s
#6 Move
#7 make sure all mail to old address goes directly to the trash
#8 then claim the prize.

/Never going to happen. Back to work on Monday.

That's one that I didn't think of. Good call.

This; I work with an attorney but...I'll be damned If I let him recommend me to one of his friends/colleagues. When that much money's in play, sorry but, work relationships are just that.


I figure if anyone can rob you blind it is the people you trust to protect you. That plus I am an idiot, so it would be easy for them to scam me.
 
2012-12-01 10:12:18 AM

balki1867: [sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net image 850x636]

I feel like this needs to be shopped.




Posted this one on FB last night

imageshack.us
 
2012-12-01 11:41:22 AM
Sell everything I own that won't fit in a suitcase.
Make family do the same.
Never own anything again.
Live in hotels.
Travel, eat well.
Drink good wine.
Occasional bout of narcotics and hookers.
 
2012-12-01 01:28:29 PM

Clemkadidlefark:

Then there are the people who win $300 million and say, "I'll keep working. I like working."

Then give the money back arsehole. Let the rest of us get a chance at it.


Ummm, why? Some people love what they do for work. Some...don't and that's why they'll quit their current line of work and either live off of the money and/or find some line of work they do enjoy.

I'll agree with the other things you said and add something desertfool already said: Lawyer up, get an accountant and a financial advisor but make sure they do not know each other. Of course, do not tell anyone (even those closest to you) until you're all set.

desertfool: Rwa2play: This; I work with an attorney but...I'll be damned If I let him recommend me to one of his friends/colleagues. When that much money's in play, sorry but, work relationships are just that.

I figure if anyone can rob you blind it is the people you trust to protect you. That plus I am an idiot, so it would be easy for them to scam me.


DTA: Don't Trust Anybody. You pretty much have to be a ruthless prick so a) you can weed out the posers from the people that really care about you and b) Just to let the posers know you will not hesitate to be a vicious bastard on them.
 
2012-12-01 04:15:47 PM
http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000337676/Mr-Undesirable .aspx 

Lenny Kapowski is a dirt poor, foul mouthed, porn addicted, binge drinking, malcontent. Life has spent fifteen solid years of kicking him when he was down and he has never done anything to change his lot. But, in one lucky moment, Lenny wins a giant lottery jackpot and he finally sees the path to his redemption. For Lenny, redemption comes in the form of revenge on the man he blames for his life's woes, Dr. Wayne Stevens.

In high school, Lenny was to take the doctor's daughter to the Senior Prom, but at the last second her father put a stop to that idea. At a pre-Prom gathering in the exclusive planned community of Rambling Hills, Dr. Stevens forbade Lenny from taking his daughter to the Prom and humiliated the young man in front of his classmates and their parents. The doctor simply would not have his only daughter associating with such-- undesirables.

Now pushing thirty, Lenny is a very rich man. Still, after a life with no focus or drive, what good is all that money? Lenny's only goal is to reap his vengeance on Dr. Stevens and the residents of the snobbish Rambling Hills Community. Along with his best friend, Norm Grubnik, and his attorney/terrorist, Calvin Greenlee, Lenny sets out on a plan to topple the doctor's ivory tower. Lenny will be the vicarious champion for the downtrodden. The elitist's worst nightmare. White trash with cash. Lenny will be the worst thing they could ever imagine.

He will be their neighbor. 

(html is not my friend)
 
2012-12-01 04:27:06 PM

x3lit3: http://bookstore.authorhouse.com/Products/SKU-000337676/Mr-Undesirabl e .aspx 

Lenny Kapowski is a dirt poor, foul mouthed, porn addicted, binge drinking, malcontent. Life has spent fifteen solid years of kicking him when he was down and he has never done anything to change his lot. But, in one lucky moment, Lenny wins a giant lottery jackpot and he finally sees the path to his redemption. For Lenny, redemption comes in the form of revenge on the man he blames for his life's woes, Dr. Wayne Stevens.

In high school, Lenny was to take the doctor's daughter to the Senior Prom, but at the last second her father put a stop to that idea. At a pre-Prom gathering in the exclusive planned community of Rambling Hills, Dr. Stevens forbade Lenny from taking his daughter to the Prom and humiliated the young man in front of his classmates and their parents. The doctor simply would not have his only daughter associating with such-- undesirables.

Now pushing thirty, Lenny is a very rich man. Still, after a life with no focus or drive, what good is all that money? Lenny's only goal is to reap his vengeance on Dr. Stevens and the residents of the snobbish Rambling Hills Community. Along with his best friend, Norm Grubnik, and his attorney/terrorist, Calvin Greenlee, Lenny sets out on a plan to topple the doctor's ivory tower. Lenny will be the vicarious champion for the downtrodden. The elitist's worst nightmare. White trash with cash. Lenny will be the worst thing they could ever imagine.

He will be their neighbor. 

(html is not my friend)


Also worthy of consideration, the recent novel about a sociopathic "lotto lout" and debt collector, "Lionel Asbo: State of England," by Martin Amis. Apparently the only thng lottery winnings can buy is sweet revenge...
 
Displayed 145 of 145 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report