If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Coed Magazine)   So you didn't win the Powerball jackpot. At least you aren't one of these losers who actually won the lottery   (coedmagazine.com) divider line 145
    More: Sad, Powerball, Erick Dampier, substance dependence  
•       •       •

17070 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Nov 2012 at 8:54 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



145 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-11-30 08:58:18 PM  
I'm just shocked to find out that people that play the lottery might not be so good at managing their money. Just absolutely shocked.
 
2012-11-30 08:59:12 PM  
I have a small number of charities to which I would give money. A select number of friends whose debts I would pay off, and a few family members I would help out. Beyond that, the rest would either go into savings or just get given away and I would be completely fine with that.

/Sadly, I will never win
//I don't ever play
 
2012-11-30 09:00:40 PM  
Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.
 
2012-11-30 09:02:58 PM  

Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.


Can I borrow a dollar for my...um... charity? She dances down at the Lusty Leopard.
 
2012-11-30 09:03:09 PM  

Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.


I'd watch my back if I were you.
 
2012-11-30 09:04:40 PM  

Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.


The only possible thing to do is reinvest your money. 4 bucks ain't good for much else.
 
2012-11-30 09:05:01 PM  
With my powerball numbers, I would have won 250k with the regular Illinois lotto.

/pretty bitter.
 
2012-11-30 09:05:06 PM  
A fool and his money are soon parted. This is true regardless of how much money said fool has.
 
2012-11-30 09:05:17 PM  
The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.
 
2012-11-30 09:08:26 PM  
This is why all lottery winners should have the option to stay anonymous. If You win its really no one else's bidness.
 
2012-11-30 09:09:27 PM  

davidphogan: I'm just shocked to find out that people that play the lottery might not be so good at managing their money. Just absolutely shocked.


Numbers 1 and 2 didn't do anything too terribly wrong.

Number 5 had a gambling issue, but there was also the "can't say no" issue which is hard to fault people for. ITG all you want, I'm glad that I'm in a state that allows lotto winners to stay anonymous.

/only bought 3 tickets ever
 
2012-11-30 09:09:37 PM  
7 people at work put in $6 each. $42 dollars worth of Powerball tickets

$4

$4/7= 57 cents each. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm part of the 1% now!
 
2012-11-30 09:10:03 PM  

Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.


And then having another event at the local high school auditorium for the town to attend.

They're not playing things too smart so far.
 
2012-11-30 09:10:11 PM  
Oh, right. The first loser is from West Virginia and is wearing a cowboy hat. Like the lottery money is the problem.

Here's a little deal I would like to offer to Americans, Canadians and others (tourists, immigrants, aliens): if you promise not to wear cowboy hats East of the Mississipi River, we Easteners promise we will no take up wearing So'westers, rubber boots and Newfoundland fishermen gloves West of the Mississippi.

If you like, you can wear either make-believe costume in Toronto, but only at cosplay conventions.

Is it a deal suckers?
 
2012-11-30 09:11:06 PM  

Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.


WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!
 
2012-11-30 09:12:18 PM  
Wasn't there that one time that this trio of "bankers" won the lottery, but then rumors started circulating that these guys were really "financial lawyers" that claimed the money for the real winner so that he/she could stay anonymous? The trio got a cut of the winnings and the winner got to spend with no one pouncing them for cash.

/If that's true, I say GENIUS.
 
2012-11-30 09:12:35 PM  
I often read these types of cautionary tales about a lottery winner blowing all their money and/or having their lives spin out of control after winning. Occasionally, I will read a story about how a winner's life was changed for the better. Overall, though, I wonder if most large jackpot winners feel that the win made their lives better or worse?

Either way though, I think lotteries are bad for society. I can't help but feel that if you sell hundreds of thousands of people (or more) a little piece of hope then yank it away, and you do this over and over again, it can't be good. Also, I've known a few problem gamblers before, and it's a miserable way to live for both them and their families.
 
2012-11-30 09:12:36 PM  

Frank N Stein: With my powerball numbers, I would have won 250k with the regular Illinois lotto.

/pretty bitter.


I know how you feel. With my numbers I would have won the North Dakota Hot Lotto Triple Sizzler on 12 June, 1987.
 
2012-11-30 09:12:36 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!


Is that how much a Donkey Show costs now?
 
2012-11-30 09:12:54 PM  

brantgoose: Oh, right. The first loser is from West Virginia and is wearing a cowboy hat. Like the lottery money is the problem.

Here's a little deal I would like to offer to Americans, Canadians and others (tourists, immigrants, aliens): if you promise not to wear cowboy hats East of the Mississipi River, we Easteners promise we will no take up wearing So'westers, rubber boots and Newfoundland fishermen gloves West of the Mississippi.

If you like, you can wear either make-believe costume in Toronto, but only at cosplay conventions.

Is it a deal suckers?


It's a hat bro, don't get so worked up
 
2012-11-30 09:12:54 PM  

Mercury: 7 people at work put in $6 each. $42 dollars worth of Powerball tickets

$4

$4/7= 57 cents each. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I'm part of the 1% now!


Bah!! Rich people problems
 
2012-11-30 09:13:12 PM  

Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.


OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??

I doubt they took the time to consult with a lawyer and a money manager. That's the first thing you do after signing your ticket. Foolish people. I predict they'll be one of the next sad lottery stories.
 
2012-11-30 09:14:52 PM  

brantgoose: Oh, right. The first loser is from West Virginia and is wearing a cowboy hat. Like the lottery money is the problem.

Here's a little deal I would like to offer to Americans, Canadians and others (tourists, immigrants, aliens): if you promise not to wear cowboy hats East of the Mississipi River, we Easteners promise we will no take up wearing So'westers, rubber boots and Newfoundland fishermen gloves West of the Mississippi.

If you like, you can wear either make-believe costume in Toronto, but only at cosplay conventions.

Is it a deal suckers?


What's the word on fursuits?
/just askin'...
//...for a friend
 
2012-11-30 09:15:04 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!


My plan was to buy the state of Montana, though I've never been there...
 
2012-11-30 09:15:13 PM  
Link

It appears one guy who won the recent lottery decided to break the news on facebook.
 
2012-11-30 09:15:23 PM  

Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.


According to my quick and dirty google search, only six states - Kansas, Maryland, Delaware, Michigan, North Dakota and Ohio, allow lottery winners to stay anonymous. Most states require winners to appear in news conferences and promotional events, at least to some degree. So it may be the couple in Missouri didn't have much of a choice.

The thing to do if you must consent to such media nonsense, is immediately after fulfilling whatever media obligations you have, go directly to the nearest airport and take a flight to Hawaii or Europe or some place where no one knows or cares about you, for about 6 months.
 
2012-11-30 09:15:55 PM  

NeoCortex42: And then having another event at the local high school auditorium for the town to attend.


Three-Fifty: And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!!


Holy fark, these people are goddamn idiots.
 
2012-11-30 09:16:51 PM  

Three-Fifty: Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.

OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??

I doubt they took the time to consult with a lawyer and a money manager. That's the first thing you do after signing your ticket. Foolish people. I predict they'll be one of the next sad lottery stories.


In most states you must publicly come forward. Very few states allow for winners to remain anonymous and a couple even require a photograph to be made available
 
2012-11-30 09:18:01 PM  
Do not tell people you are going to do good with your money. Every charity, moocher and con-artist on the Earth will say to themselves: KA-CHING!

I plan to use my lottery winnings purely for evil. Anybody who asks me for a cent is in deep, deep, shiat.

You can do a lot of hurt with $300,000,000. Just look at Romney's political campaign. Romney is super-rich and has still cost the Massachusetts voters more than he has. He cost the Republicans over a billion dollars and what did they get for his trouble?

Eviiiiiiiiiiiiiiil! I think I will have a man servant named Mephistocles. That's a great name. I'm surprised that more Southerners didn't have slaves named that.

My campaign slogan: Faust in War, Faust in Peace!
 
2012-11-30 09:18:02 PM  
I would literally tell nobody if I won the lottery. I'd do whatever it is those folks do when they form trusts and have their lawyer claim the prize. (I must admit I'm a proud GED law degree holder so I'm not sure how that works). The only exception to this would be a spouse.

In all reality, a lot of people you think you can trust will start to look at you differently and its unavoidable:
- Your coworkers will assume you don't take work seriously (even if you love your job) because you can quit whenever you want. You will get passed up for opportunities because of this.
- You might get sued or extorted (as in one of the cases in the article)
- You *WILL* constantly get hit up for money. It will get annoying
- Casual acquaintances will hit you up for money when they're in a tight spot and will say things about it to common friends when you refuse. Whether you like it or not, some of these people will not be sympathetic towards you in this regard no matter how bogus that is.
- I like to at least this your close friends won't give a fark

Seriously, no matter how good you are with money, I don't think any of us have a clue how much our lives would change because of something like this.
 
2012-11-30 09:18:30 PM  
If I won a major lottery I would:

First, I would split down the middle with my wife and I each getting half.

Second, I would negotiate with my wife so each of us contributes 50% to the existing debt and credit load and removes that.

Third, negotiate with my wife so we bilaterally wipe out all of our children's existing debt.

Then we are on our own, financially.

On my own side, I'd replace an aging vehicle with something more up-to-date and reliable.

I'd give each of my siblings a tax-free million, out of my share, not my wife's share, whatever that wound up costing. I'd place conditions on one sibling though: he first has to sell off my dad's house he squatted into and distribute the proceeds to the surviving siblings. Then he gets his million. This would settle an old family feud that I have been avoiding, but about which other siblings constantly whine.

I would then capitalize my business to successfully promote unique technology I've developed with insufficient funds to get it to market.

After that, once that reaches surviving critical mass, I'd get a place on the Florida gulf side, and a big enough boat so that I could go out into the Gulf, turn off the engine, and listen to the sound of God.
 
2012-11-30 09:18:32 PM  
Thanks subby. The article was okay, but I found the link at the bottom and I took a ride down Hump Blvd.

/DAT ASS x 51
 
2012-11-30 09:18:56 PM  

Three-Fifty: Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.

OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??

I doubt they took the time to consult with a lawyer and a money manager. That's the first thing you do after signing your ticket. Foolish people. I predict they'll be one of the next sad lottery stories.


Bless their hearts. The conference was held at the HS gym where they met. Someone trustworthy please coddle them, immediately. They do have a small community to look out for them so there is that.
*says silent prayer that they do NOT send that child out alone
 
2012-11-30 09:18:58 PM  

Three-Fifty: OMG! THIS!!!! With no disguises?? Using both of their legal names? And they had their 6 year old daughter at the press conference!!! Hello?? Not afraid of kidnappers wanting ransoms??


All but 6 states (DE, KS, MD, MI, ND, OH) require the names (and in many cases town of residence) of winners to be released publicly or to anybody who asks.
 
2012-11-30 09:19:16 PM  
1>claim it anonymously if possible
2>dont tell anyone
3>find a lawyer
3>do not quit job immediately, after a few weeks, put in your 2 weeks notice claiming that you got another job
4>get off the grid - change phone #, cell phone etc
5>tour europe or asia or sit on a beach in another country for a few months
6>when you come back, move to where there are lots of rich people so you dont stand out
7>stay alive if you can


/i'm all ready
//have yet to actually buy a ticket
 
2012-11-30 09:19:37 PM  

Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.


Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.
 
2012-11-30 09:20:00 PM  
Mrs Trade Secret would stay grounded. Investing, helping others, creating college accounts, etc.

I OTOH would totally blow through a metric shiat-ton of cash on strippers, hookers, magic cards, and shiny gadgets. Not all of it mind you, just A LOT
 
2012-11-30 09:20:46 PM  
Is it lottery bucket list time?

Daily in-home care for gramma. Or retirement community if she prefers but I don't think she would.
Pay off dad's house (or buy him a sick boat if I'm too late on the house).
Seed money for bro to start a restaurant (with the assumption I'll never see a penny back).
Probably offer to buy an albatrossian rental property from my uncle and let a property management company deal with it or flip it for a loss.
Buy myself a little cabin in the woods.

Oh, and

livingwithballs.com
 
2012-11-30 09:20:52 PM  
Am I the only person who's first acts would be...
- pay off my mortgage
- maybe do a few minor renos
- *maybe* buy a car
- top up my RRSP
- set up education fund for the rug rats in the family

Then find myself an accountant, give them the money, and make sure I only get an allowance? :)
 
2012-11-30 09:20:54 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

WE'RE GOING TO TIJUANA!!!!!


Maybe you can smuggle back enough Tequila to make back your loses. How much would that be? Three, four bottles? Half a case?
 
2012-11-30 09:20:58 PM  
That Filipino guy reminds me of every Filipino guy I have ever met.
So he's in good company.
 
2012-11-30 09:22:04 PM  

Popcorn Johnny: The couple in Missouri that won are absolute farking idiots for agreeing to attend a press conference to claim their giant check.


Concept Accepted!
 
2012-11-30 09:22:11 PM  

Marshmallow Jones: 5>tour europe or asia or sit on a beach in another country for a few months


I did that with almost no money. Imagine what I could do with 250 million.
 
2012-11-30 09:22:26 PM  
I'd have absolutely no problem saying "No" to most requests for money, but it's the things you can't control that would worry me - people wanting to sue me because they tripped on a blade of grass in my yard, or because I "promised" them a million bucks 20 years ago if I ever won the lottery, or the worst of them all, physical harm or threats to me or my family.

I almost think I'd prefer winning a small lottery (say, $100,000 a year over 20-30 years) vs one big $300 Million + windfall.
 
2012-11-30 09:23:25 PM  

Sgt. Expendable: davidphogan: I'm just shocked to find out that people that play the lottery might not be so good at managing their money. Just absolutely shocked.

Numbers 1 and 2 didn't do anything too terribly wrong.

Number 5 had a gambling issue, but there was also the "can't say no" issue which is hard to fault people for. ITG all you want, I'm glad that I'm in a state that allows lotto winners to stay anonymous.

/only bought 3 tickets ever


#1 went public and tried to help everyone who begged him, bought a number of businesses at once, and generally didn't know what the hell he was doing with his money. If you have $315 million and you manage to lose it all without ever realizing you're screwing up and probably should hire someone to manage your money for you it's really tough to not think you're at fault if you lose it all.

#2 was unlucky more than anything, I'll give you that. #5 kind of proves my point. A gambling addict won the lottery, and I'm supposed to think it's a surprise that she ended up gambling it away?

Not everyone who wins the lottery blows it all, but I'm still in no way shocked that people who win the lottery often don't know how to manage money. If you have $2.46 to your name and you're buying lottery tickets (like #3), you probably aren't great at managing your money.

I'm happy for people who win the lottery, I just don't have very high hopes for them because they were playing the lottery in the first place. It means they're probably not very good with numbers.
 
2012-11-30 09:24:07 PM  

Popcorn Johnny: Transubstantive: In most states you must publicly come forward.

Not true at all, you can start a trust and have an attorney claim the money in its name.


I recall that some stockbrokers or something similar won a big prize and did this. This is wise. People might not like the idea of the most overpaid people on Earth* winning a career's worth of bonuses all at once during a recession that may yet turn out to be a Depression.

*May not literally be the most overpaid people on Earth, but you know what I mean.
 
2012-11-30 09:25:53 PM  

Atomic Spunk: I often read these types of cautionary tales about a lottery winner blowing all their money and/or having their lives spin out of control after winning. Occasionally, I will read a story about how a winner's life was changed for the better. Overall, though, I wonder if most large jackpot winners feel that the win made their lives better or worse?

Either way though, I think lotteries are bad for society. I can't help but feel that if you sell hundreds of thousands of people (or more) a little piece of hope then yank it away, and you do this over and over again, it can't be good. Also, I've known a few problem gamblers before, and it's a miserable way to live for both them and their families.


===========

The alternative is worse, you get organized crime back into the gambling biz. My uncle's late father-in-law lost his house playing the ponies at a mob bookie joint back in the 1950s. You may not believe this, but real life mafia guys aren't the suave Marlin Brando Godfather types.

My big objection to US lottery games is the lying bull shiat that goes along with them. In Europe, if you win a million Euros, you have a million Euros paid out to you, no annuities, no present value, and no taxes.
 
2012-11-30 09:25:57 PM  

0Icky0: Marshmallow Jones: 5>tour europe or asia or sit on a beach in another country for a few months

I did that with almost no money. Imagine what I could do with 250 million.


It's amazing how much travel and fantastic life experience you can accomplish with very little money.

*Knucks & napsacks
 
2012-11-30 09:27:25 PM  

AbbeySomeone: Mercury: Speak for yourself. 7 of us pooled our money on tickets and we won $4.

The only possible thing to do is reinvest your money. 4 bucks ain't good for much else.


It'll get you a burrito. And burritos are delicious.
 
2012-11-30 09:28:36 PM  
I hate hearing all these "reasons" not to win. BS. Go ahead give me a shot. I might make a few mistakes, but there's no way I'll end up broke. Farking idiots.
 
Displayed 50 of 145 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report