If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(KMBC Kansas City)   Toddler survives freak meat thermometer brain injury. WELL DONE   (kmbc.com) divider line 81
    More: Scary, Toddler survives  
•       •       •

8527 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Nov 2012 at 3:36 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



81 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-11-30 03:37:04 AM
Saw this story earlier tonight on the local news. Farking worthless parents.

/who needs a meat thermometer for enchiladas?
 
2012-11-30 03:44:17 AM
Sweet! (breads)
 
2012-11-30 03:46:12 AM
Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.
 
2012-11-30 03:46:22 AM
+1 Subby, well played.
 
Ni
2012-11-30 03:46:54 AM
I think a full recovery would be rare.
 
2012-11-30 03:57:12 AM

hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.


You're right. Safety first. Too much at steak.
 
2012-11-30 03:59:40 AM

hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.


One day that kid is going to lacerate his colon with toilet tissue.
 
2012-11-30 04:00:10 AM

robohobo: /who needs a meat thermometer for enchiladas?


i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-30 04:03:15 AM
Who wants to join me on the bus? I call dibs on aisle seat as I get up to pee every five minutes or so.
 
2012-11-30 04:06:59 AM
So your kid gets impaled and you assume all's cool?
 
2012-11-30 04:07:30 AM

hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.


A 5-year-old can handle scissors in general.

A 1.5 year old can't handle shiat.
 
2012-11-30 04:07:43 AM

drjekel_mrhyde: robohobo: /who needs a meat thermometer for enchiladas?

[i.imgur.com image 294x294]


Well done.

hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.


Your nephew sounds slow and unadventurous.
 
2012-11-30 04:10:33 AM

kazikian: So your kid gets impaled and you assume all's cool?


He's obviously a responsible parent and has good insurance, what's to worry about?
 
2012-11-30 04:15:28 AM

hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.


A modest proposal.
 
2012-11-30 04:22:41 AM

kazikian: So your kid gets impaled and you assume all's cool?


Why just assume your kid is cool when you could simply read the thermometer and know for sure?
 
2012-11-30 04:38:44 AM

AbbeySomeone: Your nephew sounds slow and unadventurous.


It doesn't matter how vigilant you are - kids will almost always find a way to get ahold of sh*t. My buddy and I were cooking dinner in prep for a game recently, and his annoying but apparently smart crotchfruit managed to get ahold of a butter knife that I'd left in the sink.

The sink. You know, taller than he even without factoring the reaching-in part. And then...

I caught this little dork nanoseconds before he was about to stick it in an electrical socket. I'd always heard of kids doing this, but thought of it more as an urban legend than something kids actually do. I mean of all the objects in the house to fark with, this little bastard went straight for the wall outlet. I picked him up and yelled at him before handing him over to his dad, who had been, erm, occupied in the bathroom at the time.

This is among the reasons I don't dig children. Don't hate them, but I really, really don't want one of those creatures crawling around my place for longer than an afternoon. And even then, look what almost happened.

/still have no idea how he got the knife out of the sink...kind of impressed actually
 
2012-11-30 04:38:48 AM
I wonder how many health care workers looked at the gauge on the way out of morbid curiosity?

/I want to believe there was at least one sick joke done in private or under someone's breath.
 
2012-11-30 04:38:54 AM
Getting impaled with a meat thermometer is really bad. It's a good thing this kid went to the doctor and was able to have it removed safely. Just a little difference could have been the difference between life and death.
 
2012-11-30 05:01:33 AM
Surgeon Dr. Koji Ebersole said it was a one-in-a-million case.

But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.
 
2012-11-30 05:02:21 AM
Subby,

lh3.ggpht.com
 
2012-11-30 05:09:18 AM

turbocucumber: Surgeon Dr. Koji Ebersole said it was a one-in-a-million case.

But magicians have calculated that million-to-one chances crop up nine times out of ten.

 

raggedshirts.com
 
2012-11-30 05:21:27 AM

dickfreckle: AbbeySomeone: Your nephew sounds slow and unadventurous.

It doesn't matter how vigilant you are - kids will almost always find a way to get ahold of sh*t. My buddy and I were cooking dinner in prep for a game recently, and his annoying but apparently smart crotchfruit managed to get ahold of a butter knife that I'd left in the sink.

The sink. You know, taller than he even without factoring the reaching-in part. And then...

I caught this little dork nanoseconds before he was about to stick it in an electrical socket. I'd always heard of kids doing this, but thought of it more as an urban legend than something kids actually do. I mean of all the objects in the house to fark with, this little bastard went straight for the wall outlet. I picked him up and yelled at him before handing him over to his dad, who had been, erm, occupied in the bathroom at the time.

This is among the reasons I don't dig children. Don't hate them, but I really, really don't want one of those creatures crawling around my place for longer than an afternoon. And even then, look what almost happened.

/still have no idea how he got the knife out of the sink...kind of impressed actually


www.extension.org

I had these in place on all the electrical outlets, plus the child proof latches on all the drawers and cupboards. My son was a curious lad when he was a toddler and since I was also caring for my bedridden grandma too, it was difficult to keep a close eye on him sometimes.
 
2012-11-30 05:29:30 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Getting impaled with a meat thermometer is really bad. It's a good thing this kid went to the doctor and was able to have it removed safely. Just a little difference could have been the difference between life and death.


subtle. i like it.
 
2012-11-30 05:30:06 AM

puffy999: hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.

A 5-year-old can handle scissors in general.

A 1.5 year old can't handle shiat.


Yeah they can. Just let them shove a hand down their diaper and you'll see.
 
2012-11-30 05:37:56 AM
>>freak meat thermometer brain injury
Doesn't that sound like the title of one of Frank Zappa's albums?
 
2012-11-30 05:41:38 AM

Ow My Balls: >>freak meat thermometer brain injury
Doesn't that sound like the title of one of Frank Zappa's albums?


Well said!

Also, 'freak meat' was my nickname in high school after they other guys saw me in the showers.

/No, I will not post pics
 
2012-11-30 05:45:08 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Getting impaled with a meat thermometer is really bad. It's a good thing this kid went to the doctor and was able to have it removed safely. Just a little difference could have been the difference between life and death.


Actually the article said the kid took it out himself. They didn't go to the doctor for a while
 
2012-11-30 05:45:15 AM
bluntobject.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-11-30 05:50:34 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Getting impaled with a meat thermometer is really bad. It's a good thing this kid went to the doctor and was able to have it removed safely. Just a little difference could have been the difference between life and death.


FTFA: Christian Hernandez Jr. was holding the thermometer in late July when he fell. It went into his skull just below his eye and he pulled the device out himself.
 
2012-11-30 05:59:38 AM

Mister Toast: Subby,

[lh3.ggpht.com image 484x380]


www.themeparkreview.com
 
2012-11-30 06:08:38 AM

John_David_Stutts: puffy999: hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.

A 5-year-old can handle scissors in general.

A 1.5 year old can't handle shiat.

Yeah they can. Just let them shove a hand down their diaper and you'll see.


And thank you for that trip down memory lane while I'm eating breakfast
 
2012-11-30 06:11:37 AM

Bathia_Mapes: I had these in place on all the electrical outlets...


I just, I just really didn't know that kids actually did that. It seemed so cliche as to be impossible, or at least not in the 45 second span it took me to stoke the grill (that's code for masturbating, ya'll - nah I'm kidding). Seriously, I step back inside and it looked exactly like the famous pic, but in color:

img.ffffound.com

There was a slo-mo, deep-voiced NOOOOOOOOOOOOO and I was lucky to get him in time. Farking scared the hell out of me.
 
2012-11-30 06:17:59 AM

dickfreckle: Bathia_Mapes: I had these in place on all the electrical outlets...

I just, I just really didn't know that kids actually did that. It seemed so cliche as to be impossible, or at least not in the 45 second span it took me to stoke the grill (that's code for masturbating, ya'll - nah I'm kidding). Seriously, I step back inside and it looked exactly like the famous pic, but in color:

[img.ffffound.com image 360x310]

There was a slo-mo, deep-voiced NOOOOOOOOOOOOO and I was lucky to get him in time. Farking scared the hell out of me.


You didn't want to tell his parents that you let that happen?
They're small and they're scary. My neighbors have their 2 1/2 yr old grandkid. Little bastard is fearless.
 
2012-11-30 06:43:18 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-30 06:51:46 AM

AbbeySomeone: You didn't want to tell his parents that you let that happen?


Thing is, I honestly thought nothing could go wrong in literally less than a minute in my own enclosed home, not a city park. But this is also why I am not father material. Marriage, sure, but not crotchfruit. How do you people do it? How do you keep your eyes on these little demons every single second of the day? I can't even keep my dog from messing around with the garbage can, let alone kids finding new and inventive ways of injuring themselves with a lamp or a even a pen sitting on my desk.
 
2012-11-30 07:02:08 AM

dickfreckle: AbbeySomeone: You didn't want to tell his parents that you let that happen?

Thing is, I honestly thought nothing could go wrong in literally less than a minute in my own enclosed home, not a city park. But this is also why I am not father material. Marriage, sure, but not crotchfruit. How do you people do it? How do you keep your eyes on these little demons every single second of the day? I can't even keep my dog from messing around with the garbage can, let alone kids finding new and inventive ways of injuring themselves with a lamp or a even a pen sitting on my desk.


If you ever had the idea that staying at home to raise your kids isn't a challenge that may have changed it for you.
 
2012-11-30 07:03:48 AM
dammit this thread brings back nothing but bad memories for Lenna Luna being as how that's the way she lost her first boy with her third husband. yup, lil Pudd just got into everything and one day Lenna Luna is shopping Winn Dixie for a NASCAR party that night. She was fixing to make up her chili bean n meat n Velveeta surprise right there in the football shaped slow cooker, it's always a big hit, and sure enough lil Pudd reached right into the meat case and bam nice as you please just stick a meat thermometer right on into his ear as if god intended it to be that way. Lenna Luna saw the blood shooting out the boy like a fire hydrant, fell back passed out cold cracked her head open lickety split. lawsuit city. that's how we wound up with the double-wide, that sweet arse chariot 250 4X4 and a 8500.00/month annuity for life. sweeet! poor Pudd, he just kinda wriggles around on the floor, they said he never will be right. in good weather we just let him play in the compost pile all day and wash him off with a hose before dinner. it's all good.
 
2012-11-30 07:14:51 AM
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
 
2012-11-30 07:24:22 AM
hbk72777 stated "Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard"

i couldn't have said it better myself. i understand and can admit kids scamper about and find stuff yet know scissors, knives and such are to be put our of reach as well taught not to touch.

.
 
2012-11-30 07:37:08 AM
I know what a thermometer is, but what's "freak meat?"

/Is it a gay thing?
//It must be hot if it needs a thermometer.
 
2012-11-30 07:40:18 AM

AbbeySomeone: If you ever had the idea that staying at home to raise your kids isn't a challenge that may have changed it for you.


I have never, ever denigrated a stay-at-home mom as not having a "real job." And I never will. After the trauma my poor mother went through raising a rambunctious little asshole like I was (probably still am), I couldn't possibly think more highly of moms (or dads).

You all should change your job title to "special education specialist," because I swear, all children are retarded and impossible to deal with. They require a skill set I simply don't have. Nor do I want to learn it.

/condoms, for the love of god wear condoms guys
 
2012-11-30 08:16:42 AM

dickfreckle: AbbeySomeone: You didn't want to tell his parents that you let that happen?

Thing is, I honestly thought nothing could go wrong in literally less than a minute in my own enclosed home, not a city park. But this is also why I am not father material. Marriage, sure, but not crotchfruit. How do you people do it? How do you keep your eyes on these little demons every single second of the day? I can't even keep my dog from messing around with the garbage can, let alone kids finding new and inventive ways of injuring themselves with a lamp or a even a pen sitting on my desk.


I think they get kinda philosophical about it- there's nothing you can do to prevent a kid from hurting himself if he is really determined, and 9 times out of ten the human body is pretty good at healing itself and for the tenth most of the time it's just stitches and let's hope the little bugger learned something.
 
DGS [TotalFark]
2012-11-30 08:24:30 AM
Ok, subby, I laughed.
 
2012-11-30 08:40:13 AM

dickfreckle: AbbeySomeone: Your nephew sounds slow and unadventurous.

It doesn't matter how vigilant you are - kids will almost always find a way to get ahold of sh*t. My buddy and I were cooking dinner in prep for a game recently, and his annoying but apparently smart crotchfruit managed to get ahold of a butter knife that I'd left in the sink.

The sink. You know, taller than he even without factoring the reaching-in part. And then...

I caught this little dork nanoseconds before he was about to stick it in an electrical socket. I'd always heard of kids doing this, but thought of it more as an urban legend than something kids actually do. I mean of all the objects in the house to fark with, this little bastard went straight for the wall outlet. I picked him up and yelled at him before handing him over to his dad, who had been, erm, occupied in the bathroom at the time.

This is among the reasons I don't dig children. Don't hate them, but I really, really don't want one of those creatures crawling around my place for longer than an afternoon. And even then, look what almost happened.

/still have no idea how he got the knife out of the sink...kind of impressed actually


Was his dad fapping?
 
2012-11-30 08:44:08 AM

dickfreckle: AbbeySomeone: You didn't want to tell his parents that you let that happen?

Thing is, I honestly thought nothing could go wrong in literally less than a minute in my own enclosed home, not a city park. But this is also why I am not father material. Marriage, sure, but not crotchfruit. How do you people do it? How do you keep your eyes on these little demons every single second of the day? I can't even keep my dog from messing around with the garbage can, let alone kids finding new and inventive ways of injuring themselves with a lamp or a even a pen sitting on my desk.


Its called baby-proofing. When you have a small child, you just arrange your house in such a way as to prevent them from having access to things that can hurt them. Safety plugs in outlets, safety latches on cabinets/drawers, child-proof mechanism on the doors (prevents kids from turning the knob). Its really not bad, and as a side effect you tend to be a lot more organized and clean in general. It IS literally impossible to watch the little bastards every minute of the day... and I work from home, so I constantly have to juggle kid vs work.... so I just create an environment where its safe for him to roam around doing whatever the hell he pleases, even if it means gating him inside a specific room or floor or whatever.

Id be willing to bet the parents in the article just didnt see the danger in a giant meat impaling spike for whatever reason vs the kid doing it when no one was looking.
 
2012-11-30 08:51:25 AM

Enemabag Jones: I wonder how many health care workers looked at the gauge on the way out of morbid curiosity?

/I want to believe there was at least one sick joke done in private or under someone's breath.


as a health care worker, it would be a miracle if there wasn't a joke done.

/i'd probably be making it
 
2012-11-30 08:58:48 AM
The worst part is that the father doesn't have insurance. He's a temp.
 
2012-11-30 08:59:00 AM

Alonjar: dickfreckle: AbbeySomeone: You didn't want to tell his parents that you let that happen?

Thing is, I honestly thought nothing could go wrong in literally less than a minute in my own enclosed home, not a city park. But this is also why I am not father material. Marriage, sure, but not crotchfruit. How do you people do it? How do you keep your eyes on these little demons every single second of the day? I can't even keep my dog from messing around with the garbage can, let alone kids finding new and inventive ways of injuring themselves with a lamp or a even a pen sitting on my desk.

Its called baby-proofing. When you have a small child, you just arrange your house in such a way as to prevent them from having access to things that can hurt them. Safety plugs in outlets, safety latches on cabinets/drawers, child-proof mechanism on the doors (prevents kids from turning the knob). Its really not bad, and as a side effect you tend to be a lot more organized and clean in general. It IS literally impossible to watch the little bastards every minute of the day... and I work from home, so I constantly have to juggle kid vs work.... so I just create an environment where its safe for him to roam around doing whatever the hell he pleases, even if it means gating him inside a specific room or floor or whatever.

Id be willing to bet the parents in the article just didnt see the danger in a giant meat impaling spike for whatever reason vs the kid doing it when no one was looking.


It's called natural selection. If they manage to make to adulthood, they passed the first set of selection tests.
 
2012-11-30 09:20:05 AM

Alonjar: Its called baby-proofing. When you have a small child, you just arrange your house in such a way as to prevent them from having access to things that can hurt them. Safety plugs in outlets, safety latches on cabinets/drawers, child-proof mechanism on the doors


Yeah, I understand this.

Still not having crotchfruit. Ever.

It goes far beyond the baby-proofing. I just don't have any natural instincts beyond protecting my girlfriend or my regular friends. Sometimes random people on the street. A guy can retain his protective nature and just apply it to his community or other immediate environment, which is far easier than trying to figure out the chemical element sign of the disaster that's in that diaper over there. I don't think even Google has a proper answer.

I'm now 38 years old and all of my friends keep 'joking' that I'll die alone, with no legacy. Get that girl pregnant! You deserve the joy of having a family!

Eh, no.

And I'm down with this.
 
2012-11-30 09:41:41 AM
lol subby!
 
2012-11-30 09:43:17 AM

dickfreckle: AbbeySomeone: You didn't want to tell his parents that you let that happen?

Thing is, I honestly thought nothing could go wrong in literally less than a minute in my own enclosed home, not a city park. But this is also why I am not father material. Marriage, sure, but not crotchfruit. How do you people do it? How do you keep your eyes on these little demons every single second of the day? I can't even keep my dog from messing around with the garbage can, let alone kids finding new and inventive ways of injuring themselves with a lamp or a even a pen sitting on my desk.


You train them to fear every move and sound you make, that way they just spend all day cowering in the corner.
 
2012-11-30 09:48:53 AM

Hetfield: kazikian: So your kid gets impaled and you assume all's cool?

Why just assume your kid is cool when you could simply read the thermometer and know for sure?


I see what you did there.
Good one.

//not sarcasm
 
2012-11-30 09:59:13 AM
I lol'd.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-11-30 10:11:55 AM

illannoyin: Ow My Balls: >>freak meat thermometer brain injury
Doesn't that sound like the title of one of Frank Zappa's albums?

Well said!

Also, 'freak meat' was my nickname in high school after they other guys saw me in the showers.

/No, I will not post pics


And we all thank you for your discretion.
/LOL
 
2012-11-30 10:14:59 AM

vernterv: I lol'd.

 
2012-11-30 10:19:24 AM
+1, would *snerk* again
 
2012-11-30 10:26:31 AM

AbbeySomeone: drjekel_mrhyde: robohobo: /who needs a meat thermometer for enchiladas?

[i.imgur.com image 294x294]

Well done.
hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.

Your nephew sounds slow and unadventurous.


Thats what I thought. Mine's destined to be a safecracker, or possibly demolitions expert.
 
2012-11-30 10:36:50 AM
>Meat thermometer impaled in head.

Uhh.... Dispatch? Launch a bird my way.
 
2012-11-30 10:47:51 AM

dickfreckle: Alonjar: Its called baby-proofing. When you have a small child, you just arrange your house in such a way as to prevent them from having access to things that can hurt them. Safety plugs in outlets, safety latches on cabinets/drawers, child-proof mechanism on the doors

Yeah, I understand this.

Still not having crotchfruit. Ever.

It goes far beyond the baby-proofing. I just don't have any natural instincts beyond protecting my girlfriend or my regular friends. Sometimes random people on the street. A guy can retain his protective nature and just apply it to his community or other immediate environment, which is far easier than trying to figure out the chemical element sign of the disaster that's in that diaper over there. I don't think even Google has a proper answer.

I'm now 38 years old and all of my friends keep 'joking' that I'll die alone, with no legacy. Get that girl pregnant! You deserve the joy of having a family!

Eh, no.

And I'm down with this.


I was one of those selfish parents. I wanted kids, but i hated the idea of giving up my time to do/deal with kids. I'm glad i got over that, though. As much as i could have seen life without kids before i had them, there is absolutely no way in hell i could go through life without them now. They are the source of so much fun and love that i wish they could stay that age forever. It is the weirdest thing in the world, but i fear my kids growing up. There's nothing quite like a child seeing you and running up yelling daddy! and giving you the biggest hug.
 
2012-11-30 10:58:35 AM

greenboy: dickfreckle: Alonjar: Its called baby-proofing. When you have a small child, you just arrange your house in such a way as to prevent them from having access to things that can hurt them. Safety plugs in outlets, safety latches on cabinets/drawers, child-proof mechanism on the doors

Yeah, I understand this.

Still not having crotchfruit. Ever.

It goes far beyond the baby-proofing. I just don't have any natural instincts beyond protecting my girlfriend or my regular friends. Sometimes random people on the street. A guy can retain his protective nature and just apply it to his community or other immediate environment, which is far easier than trying to figure out the chemical element sign of the disaster that's in that diaper over there. I don't think even Google has a proper answer.

I'm now 38 years old and all of my friends keep 'joking' that I'll die alone, with no legacy. Get that girl pregnant! You deserve the joy of having a family!

Eh, no.

And I'm down with this.

I was one of those selfish parents. I wanted kids, but i hated the idea of giving up my time to do/deal with kids. I'm glad i got over that, though. As much as i could have seen life without kids before i had them, there is absolutely no way in hell i could go through life without them now. They are the source of so much fun and love that i wish they could stay that age forever. It is the weirdest thing in the world, but i fear my kids growing up. There's nothing quite like a child seeing you and running up yelling daddy! and giving you the biggest hug.


I can relate - both my kids are now in college (one graduates next year) - and I'm not sure what life without them will be like. You hate to see them grow up, but you are also glad they grow into their own. My proudest moment was when my youngest, after getting trolled by me about a tall building (he hates heights), just turned to me and said "Dick." I almost cried.
 
2012-11-30 11:02:05 AM
Even Murphy's Law applies to Darwin. There are times when it is soooooooooo close, and then nothing...

Congrats on the Headline Subby made me *snert*
 
2012-11-30 11:04:10 AM

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: greenboy: dickfreckle: Alonjar: Its called baby-proofing. When you have a small child, you just arrange your house in such a way as to prevent them from having access to things that can hurt them. Safety plugs in outlets, safety latches on cabinets/drawers, child-proof mechanism on the doors

Yeah, I understand this.

Still not having crotchfruit. Ever.

It goes far beyond the baby-proofing. I just don't have any natural instincts beyond protecting my girlfriend or my regular friends. Sometimes random people on the street. A guy can retain his protective nature and just apply it to his community or other immediate environment, which is far easier than trying to figure out the chemical element sign of the disaster that's in that diaper over there. I don't think even Google has a proper answer.

I'm now 38 years old and all of my friends keep 'joking' that I'll die alone, with no legacy. Get that girl pregnant! You deserve the joy of having a family!

Eh, no.

And I'm down with this.

I was one of those selfish parents. I wanted kids, but i hated the idea of giving up my time to do/deal with kids. I'm glad i got over that, though. As much as i could have seen life without kids before i had them, there is absolutely no way in hell i could go through life without them now. They are the source of so much fun and love that i wish they could stay that age forever. It is the weirdest thing in the world, but i fear my kids growing up. There's nothing quite like a child seeing you and running up yelling daddy! and giving you the biggest hug.

I can relate - both my kids are now in college (one graduates next year) - and I'm not sure what life without them will be like. You hate to see them grow up, but you are also glad they grow into their own. My proudest moment was when my youngest, after getting trolled by me about a tall building (he hates heights), just turned to me and said "Dick." I almost cried.


I chuckled.

I am scared of my kid growing up and not giving me hugs. I do not want him to be some a-hole teenager even though it's very likely.
 
2012-11-30 11:08:16 AM
You know who else put meat thermometers in little boys heads.
 
2012-11-30 11:21:36 AM
My oldest son would have carefully taken the meat thermometer and placed it gently on the counter, telling me to be more careful. My younger son would have screamed gleefully as he ran down the hall with it.

Polar opposites from the same parents, it still amazes and amuses me. The younger one climbed a trellis onto the roof while he was still in diapers. The older one nearly had a stroke when we both saw him at about the same time, going up over the eaves. His father was up there fixing the antenna, had a ladder in the back. I had already pried the little bugger off the ladder and taken him to the front yard to pick flowers or keep him occupied.

He seemed to know exactly when to do things, when my back was turned for just a split second, maximizing his getaway time. He is the same kid that hid so well in a clothing store rack that it took 5 minutes to find him and the store manager was about to call the police. I hated doing it, but he ended up wearing a "hand holder" (aka leash) after that.

The younger son is a new dad.. I can't wait to hear his horror stories, since his 7 month old daughter is already just as fearless as he was.
 
2012-11-30 11:22:55 AM
Now the turkey baster has gone missing. Great. Just great.
 
2012-11-30 11:42:39 AM

Bit'O'Gristle: You know who else put meat thermometers in little boys heads.


Catholics?
 
2012-11-30 12:28:16 PM

Beanlet: My oldest son would have carefully taken the meat thermometer and placed it gently on the counter, telling me to be more careful. My younger son would have screamed gleefully as he ran down the hall with it.

Polar opposites from the same parents, it still amazes and amuses me. The younger one climbed a trellis onto the roof while he was still in diapers. The older one nearly had a stroke when we both saw him at about the same time, going up over the eaves. His father was up there fixing the antenna, had a ladder in the back. I had already pried the little bugger off the ladder and taken him to the front yard to pick flowers or keep him occupied.

He seemed to know exactly when to do things, when my back was turned for just a split second, maximizing his getaway time. He is the same kid that hid so well in a clothing store rack that it took 5 minutes to find him and the store manager was about to call the police. I hated doing it, but he ended up wearing a "hand holder" (aka leash) after that.

The younger son is a new dad.. I can't wait to hear his horror stories, since his 7 month old daughter is already just as fearless as he was.


My youngest (17mos) is the fearless one as well. Surprisingly, he is pretty good at knowing what he isn't supposed to be doing. That doesn't prevent him from doing it, but he will always look back at you, give a mischievous smile, then do whatever it was that he wasn't supposed to be doing.
 
2012-11-30 12:34:43 PM
sharetv.org
"I hate when that happens."
 
2012-11-30 12:50:43 PM

Rex Kramer - Danger Seeker: Now the turkey baster has gone missing. Great. Just great.


Damn you lesbians!!!!

Your name is awesome, btw.
 
2012-11-30 01:25:39 PM
Not a cool story at all bro...

A couple of days ago I was doing a little Christmas shopping after work in my city.

I a mall, I saw a young woman standing in a doorway of a fashion shop, texting away merrily on her mobile (to you Americans, cell) phone.

She was completely oblivious to the fact that her tiny little toddler wandered through the crowds, across to the other side of the corridor, and straight into a small shop whose walls were lined from ceiling to floor with very large, wicked looking SHARP KNIVES!!! Yes, it was a shop for aspiring home chefs. She never looked up from her phone while this was going on. A recipe for disaster if ever I saw one.

I went to tell her "Your kid's wandered into the knife shop!" and she ran to grab him. I didn't see any more, I just walked away, shaking my head in utter disbelief. Some people... are just stupid.
 
2012-11-30 01:53:31 PM

dickfreckle: Bathia_Mapes: I had these in place on all the electrical outlets...

I just, I just really didn't know that kids actually did that. It seemed so cliche as to be impossible, or at least not in the 45 second span it took me to stoke the grill (that's code for masturbating, ya'll - nah I'm kidding). Seriously, I step back inside and it looked exactly like the famous pic, but in color:

[img.ffffound.com image 360x310]

There was a slo-mo, deep-voiced NOOOOOOOOOOOOO and I was lucky to get him in time. Farking scared the hell out of me.


Little kids are amazingly fast, especially when comes to doing stuff that can hurt or kill them.
 
2012-11-30 01:56:52 PM

dickfreckle: AbbeySomeone: You didn't want to tell his parents that you let that happen?

Thing is, I honestly thought nothing could go wrong in literally less than a minute in my own enclosed home, not a city park. But this is also why I am not father material. Marriage, sure, but not crotchfruit. How do you people do it? How do you keep your eyes on these little demons every single second of the day? I can't even keep my dog from messing around with the garbage can, let alone kids finding new and inventive ways of injuring themselves with a lamp or a even a pen sitting on my desk.


You can't. You child-proof your home and keep an eye on them as best you can, with the understanding that you cannot watch your small child constantly 24/7. Young children are pretty much fearless and have no concept of the consequences of their actions.
 
2012-11-30 02:04:08 PM
what's so freak about stabbing your brain with a meat thermometer
 
2012-11-30 02:42:06 PM
CHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILD ME ATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILD MEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDME[FEEDMEABABY]ATCHILDMEATCHILDMEA TCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDM EATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHIL DMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEAT
 
2012-11-30 02:56:11 PM

valar_morghulis: CHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILD ME ATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILD MEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDME[FEEDMEABABY]ATCHILDMEATCHILDMEA TCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDM EATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHIL DMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEATCHILDMEAT


Time to take your meds.
 
2012-11-30 03:53:49 PM

illannoyin: Ow My Balls: >>freak meat thermometer brain injury
Doesn't that sound like the title of one of Frank Zappa's albums?

Well said!

Also, 'freak meat' was my nickname in high school after they other guys saw me in the showers.

/No, I will not post pics


How you doin'?
 
2012-11-30 03:57:50 PM

hbk72777: Who the fark let's a kid get a hold of this? I have a nephew that lives with me, almost 5, and he's never gotten a hold of scissors, knives or any other sharp object. Keep the shiat out of drawers they can reach, and if you're working with it, move it to the back of the counter. It's not hard.


Now now, let's don't be too hard on the parents, they might have been very busy. With distactions like being engrossed by The Kardashians, et al on tv, blabbing on the phone, texting, twittering, facebooking, playing video games, checking out Fark.com, who has time to be occupied by something so insignificant as as child rearing?
 
2012-11-30 04:08:19 PM
distactions = distractions

Sorry, my cell phone was ringing.
 
2012-11-30 04:42:05 PM
Freak accident would have been "the pop out turkey thermometer popped out and flew across the room and impaled him in the head" NOT toddler was allowed to hold something a toddler should not have had in their hand and fell on it. THAT IS NOT freak that is DARWIN LOSING AGAIN
 
2012-11-30 05:58:41 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: Getting impaled with a meat thermometer is really bad. It's a good thing this kid went to the doctor and was able to have it removed safely. Just a little difference could have been the difference between life and death.



This is why I have you Favorited. Well done.
 
2012-11-30 10:01:24 PM
me at child meat .......WTF????
 
Displayed 81 of 81 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report