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(Yahoo)   I don't know how that rumor started. I mean, the Pope releases a book that says Jesus was probably born in a cave without animals around, and next thing you know, everyone thinks he's banning Christmas   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 15
    More: Amusing, nativity scene, pope, Pope Benedict XVI, Biblical studies  
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4276 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Nov 2012 at 12:02 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-29 12:15:58 PM  
8 votes:
In a nutshell, Mary and Joesph show up in Bethlehem to pay their taxes. They aren't legally married, but she's knocked up. The authorities are like, "this is bullshiat." Mary is all "Waaahhh." Joesph is like, "I know right?" The authorities want to flog the shiat out of Mary, but Joesph begs them to let him marry her instead. He even volunteers to take her beating for her, which leaves the villagers like "woah damn, biatch got a tight one." God heard that and tore all their dicks off in their sleep. Meanwhile, Mary is all, "I broke it riding horseback when I was eleven! It must be some miracle type shiat." People were like "ok! we don't have shiat going on right now to excite us so let's all agree to believe in some shiat and get worked up." Lots of dancing and wine drinking and petting the animals ensued. And that's why we have eggnog.
2012-11-29 01:09:35 PM  
2 votes:
That Joseph and Mary had their child in the cave or barn or goat shed doesn't matter. What DOES matter is they did this deliberately, to keep it off the record, to stay under the Government radar and prevent documentation. You see, Our Lord and Savior, Jesus, was a sovereign citizen. He probably wasn't the first since there were many who resisted the oppressive taxation of the Roman Empire. And yes, that was Taxation Without Representation, because you can bet the Jews didn't get a seat in the Roman Senate. And Caesar could bypass the Senate impose edicts in the time of Empire because the Executive power had surpassed the Legislative by that time. Sound familiar? People have been born "off the grid" for thousands of years, and for most of human history there was no grid. It wasn't until human societies were able to produce surplus food to be stored that we saw cities come into being. But of course, once you have Surplus, someone who probably didn't help grow it decides he needs to "manage" it and who will get to eat it. And he'll probably pay himself from that surplus, and so was born the Civil Servant.

But getting back to my earlier point, Jesus wasn't the first to be born off the grid, but it was no accident that he was. You remember the old saying from Sunday School? "The New is in the Old Concealed, the Old is in the New Revealed." Like so many of the Bible's lessons to us, Jesus was kept off the grid to show God's disapproval of a government that would tax its population (note I didn't say "citizens") because He found it an offense. Holy God gives to us freely and asks for nothing in return while our Goverments take and take, then only begrudgingly give back to those who never gave anything. Can you imagine God's church praying to Him, only to have Him save all those sinners who reject Him and His Son? No, the Gospels show us it doesn't work that way. Only those who come to Him can get to The Father. So if you're on the tax rolls and serving the False gods of Welfare and Mammon and Homosexuality and "Political" Correctness, then you cannot be saved so that's why Jesus CHOSE to be born in the manger.
2012-11-29 12:34:13 PM  
2 votes:

Benevolent Misanthrope: Well - if he wants to be as historically correct as possible, he could mention that there is no contemporary evidence for the existence of Jesus, outside of the oral history copied into the religious works of the religion built around him.


Not sure if troll or just went to public school...

Virtually all modern scholars of antiquity agree that Jesus existed, and biblical scholars and classical historians regard theories of his non-existence as effectively refuted. While there is little agreement on the historicity of gospel narratives and their theological assertions of his divinity most scholars agree that Jesus was a Galilean Jew who was born between 7 and 2 BC and died 30-36 AD. Most scholars hold that Jesus lived in Galilee and Judea, did not preach or study elsewhere and that he spoke Aramaic and may have also spoken Hebrew and Greek. Although scholars differ on the reconstruction of the specific episodes of the life of Jesus, the two events whose historicity is subject to "almost universal assent" are that he was baptized by John the Baptist and was crucified by the order of the Roman Prefect Pontius Pilate.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historicity_of_Jesus
2012-11-29 12:09:35 PM  
2 votes:
i1151.photobucket.com
Have you heard one of us broads when we're giving birth?
The screaming & hollering would cause animals to stampede to the nearest exit - or bust a hole in the wall to make one!
That Pope guy knows his sh*t.
2012-11-29 12:05:29 PM  
2 votes:

Diogenes: Ennuipoet: Sybarite: I read a pretty good analysis a while back that a lot of the Nativity mythology is derived from a series of mistranslations and misunderstandings.

I was told the Bible was the inerrant word, now you are telling me different. Well. I'm sorry, but I am going to have to set you on fire now.

I love this one. Inerrant word in which language?

"It is a subtlety that God learned Greek when he wanted to become a writer, and also that he did not learn it well."

- Nietzsche


Suggesting God doesn't know all languages? Double burnin'.

Quoting Nietzsche? Triple burnin'.
2012-11-29 10:30:40 AM  
2 votes:

Ennuipoet: Sybarite: I read a pretty good analysis a while back that a lot of the Nativity mythology is derived from a series of mistranslations and misunderstandings.

I was told the Bible was the inerrant word, now you are telling me different. Well. I'm sorry, but I am going to have to set you on fire now.


I love this one. Inerrant word in which language?

"It is a subtlety that God learned Greek when he wanted to become a writer, and also that he did not learn it well."

- Nietzsche
2012-11-29 01:08:56 PM  
1 votes:
Whats next !? Santa isnt real? Bull shiat. I just saw him holding a sign for a big sale by the road infront of a local furniture store.
2012-11-29 12:59:51 PM  
1 votes:
Born in a cave, buried in a cave.

The Holy Land is full of caves and tunnels, many of which are very ancient. In Turkey they have whole underground cities, at Petra (in Jordan, IIRC) there is a whole Greco-Roman city carved into cliffs.

If people bomb your house, you lose a house. If they bomb your cave, you get a bigger cave sometimes. In the desert you have two building materials--mud and rock. Take your pick.

In Iceland they have to divert roads because the place is littered with elves, in Israel, because every square inch of ground is an ancient monument, a sacred site, or a gravesite.

And he's right you know.

Besides, if the Pope wants to ban Christmas, he has the power to ban Christmas. That's his prerogative. He's the Pope and always right about matters of the Faith (since Pope Dingus in the XIXth century said so).

Besides, I am totally OK with this. Not a Roman Catholic, but it would save me a fortune if somebody banned Christmas. I'm surprised that those spoil-sports and wet blankets in the "War on Christmas" crowd haven't tried it on again themselves, like their/my Puritan Ancestors did.

I am descended from both the accused and the accusors at the Salem Witch Trials. All in all, I like the accused better than the greedy, bulling, hypocritical SOBs who did the hanging.
2012-11-29 12:43:20 PM  
1 votes:

Inflatable Rhetoric: Jon Stewart covered this very well.

The pope says no animals are mentioned in the bible.

Stewart pointed out that no popes are mentioned in it, either.


Matthew 16:18-19
And I tell you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of Hades will not overcome it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven."

Acts 20:28
Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood.
2012-11-29 12:28:22 PM  
1 votes:
i171.photobucket.com

Santa adds "the pope" under "Reasons Christmas can be Cancelled" on the Christmas Special Plot List.
2012-11-29 12:27:49 PM  
1 votes:

Diogenes: Ennuipoet: Sybarite: I read a pretty good analysis a while back that a lot of the Nativity mythology is derived from a series of mistranslations and misunderstandings.

I was told the Bible was the inerrant word, now you are telling me different. Well. I'm sorry, but I am going to have to set you on fire now.

I love this one. Inerrant word in which language?


In all of them.

Wouldn't god be there watching over the translators? He finds time to watch every time somebody has sex or says a bad word, why wouldn't he be there for the translation of his divine book? It's important - people are supposed to use as a guide for getting into heaven!
2012-11-29 12:12:46 PM  
1 votes:
Jon Stewart covered this very well.

The pope says no animals are mentioned in the bible.

Stewart pointed out that no popes are mentioned in it, either.
2012-11-29 12:09:45 PM  
1 votes:
Christians really are the lambs of God. They meander around in a bewildered panic and are easily herded into big buildings where they a rendered down into things that have nothing to do with sausage.
2012-11-29 12:07:01 PM  
1 votes:
No animals around but did he at least have a box of scraps around like Tony Stark?
2012-11-29 09:53:21 AM  
1 votes:
Idealized, historically inaccurate Jesus is Best Jesus.
 
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