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(Jezebel)   "The Casanova myth is so deeply ingrained that people are convinced that boys who claim to want relationships rather than casual sex are either incredibly rare or full of crap." or are trying to claw their way out of the "Friend Zone"   (jezebel.com) divider line 387
    More: Interesting, Giacomo Casanova, friend zones, interpersonal relationship, cultural landscape, sexual excitement, Challenging Casanova, A Natural History of Rape, Petraeus  
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10244 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Nov 2012 at 8:46 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-27 10:03:27 PM

Butthurted: You have a point, but what if you really like the oranges the first store has? I mean what if the first store has huge, juicy, ripe oranges and the other stores have shriveled, desiccated oranges with nasty seeds and. gasp, bugs? Sometimes, when you find the right oranges, you really don't want another store's oranges. I mean even if you decided to go to store two and purchase their inferior, pulpy, moldy oranges, you would never really enjoy them because you would be thinking about store one's oranges the whole time. Than a few weeks later, as you are walking down the street with the nasty, sour, unripe orange bits still stuck between your teeth, you will see another guy, a real scum bag guy that you knew from that time you went to a party with your cousin in that town 20 minutes from your town, and he will be walking out of store one with YOUR ORANGES!!!! Sometimes you have to be patient in order to get the oranges that you want.


Dude, there is no such thing as a special orange. That's just chemicals in your brain tricking you. There are better oranges and worse oranges, but anything you can get from one orange, you can get from a different orange somewhere else. Oranges just aren't special. Don't put oranges on a pedestal.
 
2012-11-27 10:04:05 PM

Telos: I think both men and women are hard-coded to want more than one sexual partner


Depends on the person; some people are naturally monogamous, some aren't. There's nothing wrong with either as long as you're honest about it.

Assuming that everyone is like you and only pretends not to think the same way as you is possibly the worst mistake you can make, not just about sex but about everything.
 
2012-11-27 10:05:16 PM

Telos: EsteeFlwrPot: Ok the 'guy friend desperately trying to get out of the friendzone' thing is total crap. I have tons of guy friends and none of them are interested in me romantically. Everything is just a big fat myth based on a few unique situations here and there.

Not likely. Even if they aren't _romantically_ interested in you they would like to have sex with you. Unless they are gay, and even then they'd probably go for it during a dry patch.

Point is, just because you don't KNOW they are interested in you doesn't mean they aren't interested. Just means they haven't told you for whatever reason.


Not if he doesn't find her attractive. Unless he's really desperate or drunk I suppose, but I would see those as more fringe situations.
 
2012-11-27 10:05:26 PM

Butthurted: untaken_name: wedun: what? Hello no. Your an adult, not a petulant child. You don't throw a tantrum because you didn't get what you wanted.

Look, if you go to the store to buy some oranges, and they don't have any oranges, do you leave or do you wait around hoping that someday they'll have oranges? If you're a man, you go to another store and get some oranges. If you're a wimp-ass pussy you wait around with a hangdog sheepish expression on your face hinting around that you want oranges for months until they get sick of it and kick you out. Which would you rather be? Your choice.

You have a point, but what if you really like the oranges the first store has? I mean what if the first store has huge, juicy, ripe oranges and the other stores have shriveled, desiccated oranges with nasty seeds and. gasp, bugs? Sometimes, when you find the right oranges, you really don't want another store's oranges. I mean even if you decided to go to store two and purchase their inferior, pulpy, moldy oranges, you would never really enjoy them because you would be thinking about store one's oranges the whole time. Than a few weeks later, as you are walking down the street with the nasty, sour, unripe orange bits still stuck between your teeth, you will see another guy, a real scum bag guy that you knew from that time you went to a party with your cousin in that town 20 minutes from your town, and he will be walking out of store one with YOUR ORANGES!!!! Sometimes you have to be patient in order to get the oranges that you want.


Right, so what then? You wait around the first store for days until they get a shipment of ripe, juicy oranges? Then the produce guy hands them straight to the scum bag guy from your cousin's party and you're just standing their starving to death. Possibly with scurvy.

Plus, your argument is a complete fallacy. Maybe there's some small town out there with one "orange" in it, but for the rest of us there are "oranges" everywhere you look.
 
2012-11-27 10:05:59 PM

balisane: taurusowner: We've been told for so long by media that the really hot popular girls want a sweet genuine honest awkward best-friend boyfriend, so tons of guys keep waiting for that to finally happen. And it (almost) never does.

And the girls who actually want that sweet, awkward boyfriend? Not hot Physically repulsive, frighteningly dull, and about as sexually awakened as a half-empty can of Lysol, so nobody wants them.

 

FTFY
 
2012-11-27 10:06:47 PM
Meh...

I have an open relationship...

As long as you have ground rules and open communication; it can work.

/On the road for work, too much.
//Problems of 20 year olds or the myth that humans are monogamous.
///Go to strip clubs with my woman.
 
2012-11-27 10:08:39 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: Sorry to hear that you have such a low opinion of women.


AverageAmericanGuy: Women are liars. They say they want a nice guy, but they don't. They want assholes who treat them like shiat.


Lol.
hellogiggles.com
 
2012-11-27 10:12:29 PM

untaken_name: Butthurted: You have a point, but what if you really like the oranges the first store has? I mean what if the first store has huge, juicy, ripe oranges and the other stores have shriveled, desiccated oranges with nasty seeds and. gasp, bugs? Sometimes, when you find the right oranges, you really don't want another store's oranges. I mean even if you decided to go to store two and purchase their inferior, pulpy, moldy oranges, you would never really enjoy them because you would be thinking about store one's oranges the whole time. Than a few weeks later, as you are walking down the street with the nasty, sour, unripe orange bits still stuck between your teeth, you will see another guy, a real scum bag guy that you knew from that time you went to a party with your cousin in that town 20 minutes from your town, and he will be walking out of store one with YOUR ORANGES!!!! Sometimes you have to be patient in order to get the oranges that you want.

Dude, there is no such thing as a special orange. That's just chemicals in your brain tricking you. There are better oranges and worse oranges, but anything you can get from one orange, you can get from a different orange somewhere else. Oranges just aren't special. Don't put oranges on a pedestal.


Perhaps you are right. Besides that orange has been juiced by all my friends. I should just get past this orange and find another nice orange. There are plenty more in the orchard. You know what they say about tangelos? Got to get me some of that. Now where can a heartsick guy get over the heartbreak of citrus betrayal.....

OMG a PIMP:
i1277.photobucket.com
 
2012-11-27 10:13:14 PM
i think sex and society are messed up in lots of ways. public perception of sexual stereotypes can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and both men and women are guilty of it.

both men and women want lots of casual sex with numerous partners, and both men and women also want a long-lasting emotional relationship with one partner. those things are not mutually exclusive. our society's weird hang-ups on sex have made them that way. but women can't admit that they want casual sex because society looks down on women like that and calls them sluts. and men can't admit that they really want a serious emotional relationship, because everyone assumes they are just lying in order to get laid. in a perfect world, we could have our serious relationships but also have casual sex with others without society judging us for it.

but guys are sometimes forced to simply pursue casual sex, because women don't trust them enough to start serious relationships, because of their experiences with men who only want casual sex. it's like a vicious cycle. and women can only go after the serious relationship because that's what people expect of them, they can't just enjoy casual sex because it could ruin their reputation. in the end, none of us are getting what we want. if we would simply be honest with each other about our wants and needs, and realize that casual sex and emotional romance are both important and good things, i think we'd all be a lot better off.
 
2012-11-27 10:14:09 PM
Learn to be just a little bit dangerous, a little bit devilish, and a little bit exciting, or why should anybody bother with you?
 
2012-11-27 10:15:11 PM

Ishkur: Its cuz your testosterone drops severely after age 25


Eh, define severely...

www.freeimagehosting.net

That's from a journal article about different ways to measure testosterone in a clinical setting. Should be fairly accurate. So yeah, the bioavailable amount starts to trend down, but from 160ish at age 20 to 135ish when pushing 40 may not be a huge amount.
 
2012-11-27 10:15:53 PM
Threads like this make me feel so weird.

I want to relate to the nerdy guys here because I am basically a big nerd. I run an IT division at a big bank, former software engineer, avid gamer and collector of comic books - you name it.

However, there is absolutely NO similarity in my life to the nerd social behavior and attitudes. I've always been popular, friendly, outgoing and well spoken. I never pined after an unavailable chick and I've never been bullied or harassed in my life. I'm actually really good at flirting and my wife constantly elbows me because I tend to do it unconciously to cute baristas at coffee shops.

cum hoc ergo propter hoc?

(shiat, I even make stupid quotes in latin?)

Anyway, I guess I am just annoyed at the continuing implication that low social skills and a love of science, role playing and comic books go hand in hand.

It reminds of that article about that guy who was the world champion MtG player and basically got nerd-shamed by some stupid Gawker writer because he didn't treat the fact that this hobbies made him some sort of pariah as important enough to put into his online dating profile. What a bunch of crap!
 
2012-11-27 10:15:59 PM

Butthurted: untaken_name: Butthurted: You have a point, but what if you really like the oranges the first store has? I mean what if the first store has huge, juicy, ripe oranges and the other stores have shriveled, desiccated oranges with nasty seeds and. gasp, bugs? Sometimes, when you find the right oranges, you really don't want another store's oranges. I mean even if you decided to go to store two and purchase their inferior, pulpy, moldy oranges, you would never really enjoy them because you would be thinking about store one's oranges the whole time. Than a few weeks later, as you are walking down the street with the nasty, sour, unripe orange bits still stuck between your teeth, you will see another guy, a real scum bag guy that you knew from that time you went to a party with your cousin in that town 20 minutes from your town, and he will be walking out of store one with YOUR ORANGES!!!! Sometimes you have to be patient in order to get the oranges that you want.

Dude, there is no such thing as a special orange. That's just chemicals in your brain tricking you. There are better oranges and worse oranges, but anything you can get from one orange, you can get from a different orange somewhere else. Oranges just aren't special. Don't put oranges on a pedestal.

Perhaps you are right. Besides that orange has been juiced by all my friends. I should just get past this orange and find another nice orange. There are plenty more in the orchard. You know what they say about tangelos? Got to get me some of that. Now where can a heartsick guy get over the heartbreak of citrus betrayal.....

OMG a PIMP:
[i1277.photobucket.com image 600x449]


Ack where was the NSFW warning? Look at all those oranges!
 
2012-11-27 10:16:04 PM

EsteeFlwrPot: Ok the 'guy friend desperately trying to get out of the friendzone' thing is total crap. I have tons of guy friends and none of them are interested in me romantically. Everything is just a big fat myth based on a few unique situations here and there.


Mmmmm.... well, I can't speak for your particular friends, but I can at least assure you that -- even if they aren't romantically interested -- some of them would probably love to have sex with you. If any of them were romantically interested in you, they might try to hide it.

Imma let you in on a little secret: the only thing most guys need to become interested in having sex with someone is for them to be physically attracted to them. I know that might be hard to fathom because most women don't really work that way, but it's true. You're a cute girl, so I imagine at least a couple of your single guy friends would totally jump in the sack with you if you asked them to.
 
2012-11-27 10:16:59 PM

Gunther: Telos: I think both men and women are hard-coded to want more than one sexual partner

Depends on the person; some people are naturally monogamous, some aren't. There's nothing wrong with either as long as you're honest about it.

Assuming that everyone is like you and only pretends not to think the same way as you is possibly the worst mistake you can make, not just about sex but about everything.


If you are in a non-monogamous relationship, I'd add one thing you have to have trust in your partner. Be open with each others fantasies and attractions and communicate them.
 
2012-11-27 10:18:14 PM
I'm one of these guys who became obsessed with one girl (or two) along the way, and whose feelings were never reciprocated. I never got angry with her about it, and it wasn't her fault, but the situation was vastly improved by cutting all contact with her.

I'm not sure how many other guys went through that same kind of situation, and guys don't really talk about it. It's honestly really hard to get help in dealing with unrequited love as a male.

The percentage of people who do not marry is also on the increase, so I think men would really benefit from help in this area. I'm 29 and haven't had a girlfriend since high school. I'm pretty sure I will never marry, and that's ok.
 
2012-11-27 10:18:20 PM

Butthurted: OMG a PIMP:


Is that Djemma el Fna in Marrakech?
I swear to god I saw that guy!
 
2012-11-27 10:18:23 PM

Gunther: Telos: I think both men and women are hard-coded to want more than one sexual partner

Depends on the person; some people are naturally monogamous, some aren't. There's nothing wrong with either as long as you're honest about it.

Assuming that everyone is like you and only pretends not to think the same way as you is possibly the worst mistake you can make, not just about sex but about everything.


I think "naturally monogamous" is really, really rare. Like I said, if they are really monogamous why are they drooling over a magazine cover? Or entertaining fantasies about other people? How many married people spice up their sex lives by role-playing as different people?

I don't think everyone thinks like me, but I DO think a lot of people sublimate their desires in the face of culture... and that we aren't a terribly monogamous species. How many people do you know that have only had one sexual partner in their entire lives? If you do know some, how many of them did that completely by choice? Then how many weren't highly religious?

I'm betting the answers to those questions trend towards 0.
 
2012-11-27 10:18:51 PM
Nothing ruins a friendship faster than awful casual sex.

But all this whining about being friend-zoned seems to prove the point of the article... That guys are way more emotional about sex than they'd like to admit.
 
2012-11-27 10:20:13 PM

Gawdzila: EsteeFlwrPot: Ok the 'guy friend desperately trying to get out of the friendzone' thing is total crap. I have tons of guy friends and none of them are interested in me romantically. Everything is just a big fat myth based on a few unique situations here and there.

Mmmmm.... well, I can't speak for your particular friends, but I can at least assure you that -- even if they aren't romantically interested -- some of them would probably love to have sex with you. If any of them were romantically interested in you, they might try to hide it.

Imma let you in on a little secret: the only thing most guys need to become interested in having sex with someone is for them to be physically attracted to them. I know that might be hard to fathom because most women don't really work that way, but it's true. You're a cute girl, so I imagine at least a couple of your single guy friends would totally jump in the sack with you if you asked them to.


And that's how some men and women are just friends without one pining over the other in secret.
 
2012-11-27 10:20:29 PM

PillsHere: Telos: EsteeFlwrPot: Ok the 'guy friend desperately trying to get out of the friendzone' thing is total crap. I have tons of guy friends and none of them are interested in me romantically. Everything is just a big fat myth based on a few unique situations here and there.

Not likely. Even if they aren't _romantically_ interested in you they would like to have sex with you. Unless they are gay, and even then they'd probably go for it during a dry patch.

Point is, just because you don't KNOW they are interested in you doesn't mean they aren't interested. Just means they haven't told you for whatever reason.

Not if he doesn't find her attractive. Unless he's really desperate or drunk I suppose, but I would see those as more fringe situations.


All drunkeness does is remove inhibitions. It doesn't create desire. If you want to screw your ugly friend when you're drunk, it's because the only thing stopping you when sober is your inhibitions.
 
2012-11-27 10:21:13 PM

Gawdzila: Butthurted: OMG a PIMP:

Is that Djemma el Fna in Marrakech?
I swear to god I saw that guy!


You are correct,I think it is Marrakech. Product of GIS
 
2012-11-27 10:21:58 PM

Seth'n'Spectrum: Need_MindBleach: If you grew balls and made your intentions known from the start, you wouldn't wind up in the "friendzone."

Some people never learn to flirt/make their intentions clear. They only know how to treat women like friends.

Or so I hear. Real tragedy, supposedly.


How hard is, "Do you want to get a cup of coffee sometime?" or "I think you're pretty cute" or "Do you want to go out?" as opposed to "I'll show no overt attraction to you, but I'll pretend to value your friendship in order to get close to you, then I'll get angry when you don't sleep with me."

Guys get friendzoned because the only people who act in the last way are man-children, and man-children are not attractive.

Sorry, it's the truth.
 
2012-11-27 10:22:44 PM

spaten: Meh...

I have an open relationship...

As long as you have ground rules and open communication; it can work.

/On the road for work, too much.
//Problems of 20 year olds or the myth that humans are monogamous.
///Go to strip clubs with my woman.


Sigh.

I've pretty much concluded I'm polyamorous, but only after getting into a monogamous relationship with a woman I still love.

Not much hope of her coming to that conclusion. She won't even let me go to a strip club. :(
 
2012-11-27 10:25:10 PM

CygnusDarius: EsteeFlwrPot: Ok the 'guy friend desperately trying to get out of the friendzone' thing is total crap. I have tons of guy friends and none of them are interested in me romantically. Everything is just a big fat myth based on a few unique situations here and there.

You've been lurking for a while, have you?.


You know it. I remember/missed you!!

Gawdzila: EsteeFlwrPot: Ok the 'guy friend desperately trying to get out of the friendzone' thing is total crap. I have tons of guy friends and none of them are interested in me romantically. Everything is just a big fat myth based on a few unique situations here and there.

Mmmmm.... well, I can't speak for your particular friends, but I can at least assure you that -- even if they aren't romantically interested -- some of them would probably love to have sex with you. If any of them were romantically interested in you, they might try to hide it.

Imma let you in on a little secret: the only thing most guys need to become interested in having sex with someone is for them to be physically attracted to them. I know that might be hard to fathom because most women don't really work that way, but it's true. You're a cute girl, so I imagine at least a couple of your single guy friends would totally jump in the sack with you if you asked them to.


Nah, a lot of them are just platonic friends. I really doubt they would ever just want to sleep with me, they definitely would have said something by now or made a move.
 
2012-11-27 10:27:31 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-11-27 10:28:39 PM

Telos: She won't even let me go to a strip club.


let ??
 
2012-11-27 10:28:42 PM

Need_MindBleach: Seth'n'Spectrum: Need_MindBleach: If you grew balls and made your intentions known from the start, you wouldn't wind up in the "friendzone."

Some people never learn to flirt/make their intentions clear. They only know how to treat women like friends.

Or so I hear. Real tragedy, supposedly.

How hard is, "Do you want to get a cup of coffee sometime?" or "I think you're pretty cute" or "Do you want to go out?" as opposed to "I'll show no overt attraction to you, but I'll pretend to value your friendship in order to get close to you, then I'll get angry when you don't sleep with me."

Guys get friendzoned because the only people who act in the last way are man-children, and man-children are not attractive.

Sorry, it's the truth.


I've actually always had a problem asking women out. Even when I work up the courage, somehow... the intention just isn't clear. For example, when I called my current g/f for the first time I asked her if she wanted to get together for a game of mini-golf or a couple drinks. We got together, but she didn't think it was a date.

I'd say that was a fluke, but it's been the case almost every time I've asked a woman out.

So yeah, it's a little harder than it looks. :P
 
2012-11-27 10:28:51 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: [1.bp.blogspot.com image 626x417]


You promised you would erase those pictures and not show anyone!!!!! LIAR!
 
2012-11-27 10:29:57 PM
Isn't it possible for really good friends to fall in love? Or do all romances start with a guy saying "I'll never be your friend, but I'll fark you like a champ, hottie?"
 
2012-11-27 10:31:12 PM

Telos: PillsHere: Telos: EsteeFlwrPot: Ok the 'guy friend desperately trying to get out of the friendzone' thing is total crap. I have tons of guy friends and none of them are interested in me romantically. Everything is just a big fat myth based on a few unique situations here and there.

Not likely. Even if they aren't _romantically_ interested in you they would like to have sex with you. Unless they are gay, and even then they'd probably go for it during a dry patch.

Point is, just because you don't KNOW they are interested in you doesn't mean they aren't interested. Just means they haven't told you for whatever reason.

Not if he doesn't find her attractive. Unless he's really desperate or drunk I suppose, but I would see those as more fringe situations.

All drunkeness does is remove inhibitions. It doesn't create desire. If you want to screw your ugly friend when you're drunk, it's because the only thing stopping you when sober is your inhibitions.


Meh, well have to agree to disagree on that. I've slept with people while I was drunk that I would absolutely never consider sleeping with if sober. I guess in a sense it lowered my inhibitions enough to not be AS completely repulsed by them, but I still didn't find them to be attractive in the slightest bit. Of course that was a teenager so I don't know if that counts...
 
2012-11-27 10:31:41 PM

MrHappyRotter: I choose bananas.


Oh my!
 
2012-11-27 10:32:21 PM
I want to be in a relationship. But it's almost impossible for me to be monogamous for extended periods. And love has nothing to do with it.
 
2012-11-27 10:33:37 PM

EsteeFlwrPot: Nah, a lot of them are just platonic friends.


For many guys this doesn't necessarily preclude sex.
I have had quite a few platonic friends that I'd have totally penis'd if I had been given the go-ahead.


EsteeFlwrPot: I really doubt they would ever just want to sleep with me, they definitely would have said something by now or made a move.


Eh, I kinda doubt it. If they aren't romantically interested they'd probably never ask just to keep things from getting "weird", but it doesn't mean that they haven't thought about it or would be a willing partner.
 
2012-11-27 10:33:49 PM

EsteeFlwrPot: Nah, a lot of them are just platonic friends. I really doubt they would ever just want to sleep with me, they definitely would have said something by now or made a move.


Come on to them. Tell them you've always wanted to sleep with them, but never had the courage to say anything. See how many "aren't interested". Those are the gay ones.
 
2012-11-27 10:35:53 PM

Telos: I think "naturally monogamous" is really, really rare. Like I said, if they are really monogamous why are they drooling over a magazine cover?


I don't think that's really a fair question. Preferring a monogamous relationship to a polyamorous relationship doesn't mean you completely lack sexual desire for anyone other than your partner.

Telos: How many people do you know that have only had one sexual partner in their entire lives?


Many people, possibly most people in fact, are serially monogamous - they go from one monogamous relationship to the next without having multiple partners at any one time. With both these questions you're redefining the term "monogamous" so narrowly that nobody fits it, then claiming that proves that nobody is monogamous..

One more time: Assuming that everyone is like you and only pretends not to think the same way as you is possibly the worst mistake you can make, not just about sex but about everything. You're looking at people in monogamous relationships and assuming that you know their own desires better than they do - that if they'd just be honest with themselves, they'd all be happy polyamorists like you. It's a really childish way of thinking.
 
2012-11-27 10:37:11 PM
I tell all my attractive female friends that I would sleep with them. It's the truth, and when you're upfront at least they know that option is there. Obviously usually I don't hook up with them, but it's more because it would mess things up, not because she doesn't "think of me that way"

/and occasionally it does work out
 
2012-11-27 10:42:23 PM

Gawdzila: EsteeFlwrPot: Nah, a lot of them are just platonic friends.

For many guys this doesn't necessarily preclude sex.
I have had quite a few platonic friends that I'd have totally penis'd if I had been given the go-ahead.


EsteeFlwrPot: I really doubt they would ever just want to sleep with me, they definitely would have said something by now or made a move.

Eh, I kinda doubt it. If they aren't romantically interested they'd probably never ask just to keep things from getting "weird", but it doesn't mean that they haven't thought about it or would be a willing partner.


You know... i've been having a dry season, so to speak, and I have been thinking of who to have fun with until I find relationship material. I just never thought any of my guy friends would be interested in that

untaken_name: EsteeFlwrPot: Nah, a lot of them are just platonic friends. I really doubt they would ever just want to sleep with me, they definitely would have said something by now or made a move.

Come on to them. Tell them you've always wanted to sleep with them, but never had the courage to say anything. See how many "aren't interested". Those are the gay ones.


But what if they say no? Then it'll be embarrassing for me
 
2012-11-27 10:42:38 PM

Gawdzila: AverageAmericanGuy: Sorry to hear that you have such a low opinion of women.

AverageAmericanGuy: Women are liars. They say they want a nice guy, but they don't. They want assholes who treat them like shiat.

Lol.
[hellogiggles.com image 341x192]


I still haven't figured out if he's an adept troll or just an ugly person. Either way, well-played.
 
2012-11-27 10:45:18 PM

Telos: spaten: Meh...

I have an open relationship...

As long as you have ground rules and open communication; it can work.

/On the road for work, too much.
//Problems of 20 year olds or the myth that humans are monogamous.
///Go to strip clubs with my woman.

Sigh.

I've pretty much concluded I'm polyamorous, but only after getting into a monogamous relationship with a woman I still love.

Not much hope of her coming to that conclusion. She won't even let me go to a strip club. :(


Bring it up subtlety, ask her what her fantasies are, watch or read pron together...Make it an intimate thing that doesn't make her jealous. Put the seed in her mind and let her come around.

You can't change the way she thinks, but if you really love her, minimize her insecurities and reassure her that she is the one you will come home to.

If that doesn't work, cut your losses and move on.
 
2012-11-27 10:45:27 PM

EsteeFlwrPot: You know... i've been having a dry season, so to speak, and I have been thinking of who to have fun with until I find relationship material. I just never thought any of my guy friends would be interested in that.


Nonchalantly mention how you need to get laid.
 
2012-11-27 10:45:33 PM

i upped my meds-up yours: balisane: taurusowner: We've been told for so long by media that the really hot popular girls want a sweet genuine honest awkward best-friend boyfriend, so tons of guys keep waiting for that to finally happen. And it (almost) never does.

And the girls who actually want that sweet, awkward boyfriend? Not hot Physically repulsive, frighteningly dull, and about as sexually awakened as a half-empty can of Lysol, so nobody wants them. 

FTFY


Pretty much truth. I should know; is never had any dude accept even the suggestion of a date or fooling around, and I'm female.

It used to be sad, but now I'm just busy.
 
2012-11-27 10:45:45 PM
jimhalterman.com

"You know what a platonic friend is to a woman? It's like a dick in a glass case. In case of emergency, break open glass!"
 
2012-11-27 10:46:34 PM

enderthexenocide: i think sex and society are messed up in lots of ways. public perception of sexual stereotypes can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and both men and women are guilty of it.

both men and women want lots of casual sex with numerous partners, and both men and women also want a long-lasting emotional relationship with one partner. those things are not mutually exclusive. our society's weird hang-ups on sex have made them that way. but women can't admit that they want casual sex because society looks down on women like that and calls them sluts. and men can't admit that they really want a serious emotional relationship, because everyone assumes they are just lying in order to get laid. in a perfect world, we could have our serious relationships but also have casual sex with others without society judging us for it.

but guys are sometimes forced to simply pursue casual sex, because women don't trust them enough to start serious relationships, because of their experiences with men who only want casual sex. it's like a vicious cycle. and women can only go after the serious relationship because that's what people expect of them, they can't just enjoy casual sex because it could ruin their reputation. in the end, none of us are getting what we want. if we would simply be honest with each other about our wants and needs, and realize that casual sex and emotional romance are both important and good things, i think we'd all be a lot better off.


^^THIS^^
 
2012-11-27 10:47:12 PM

EsteeFlwrPot: But what if they say no? Then it'll be embarrassing for me


Welcome to the guy's world, sweetie. If you want to know, you have to ask. If you don't ask, you'll never know.
 
2012-11-27 10:47:39 PM
Can someone do me a favor and post the picture of Clinton, Arafat and another guy,
Rabine maybe, with the caption. I can't find it on google.

Please and thank you.
 
2012-11-27 10:50:03 PM

EsteeFlwrPot: Gawdzila: EsteeFlwrPot: Nah, a lot of them are just platonic friends.

For many guys this doesn't necessarily preclude sex.
I have had quite a few platonic friends that I'd have totally penis'd if I had been given the go-ahead.


EsteeFlwrPot: I really doubt they would ever just want to sleep with me, they definitely would have said something by now or made a move.

Eh, I kinda doubt it. If they aren't romantically interested they'd probably never ask just to keep things from getting "weird", but it doesn't mean that they haven't thought about it or would be a willing partner.

You know... i've been having a dry season, so to speak, and I have been thinking of who to have fun with until I find relationship material. I just never thought any of my guy friends would be interested in that

untaken_name: EsteeFlwrPot: Nah, a lot of them are just platonic friends. I really doubt they would ever just want to sleep with me, they definitely would have said something by now or made a move.

Come on to them. Tell them you've always wanted to sleep with them, but never had the courage to say anything. See how many "aren't interested". Those are the gay ones.

But what if they say no? Then it'll be embarrassing for me


I promise that you'll live if they say no. Only you can make it awkward after that: they'll probably forget all about it in a couple of weeks. I've definitely had friendships survive it.
 
2012-11-27 10:50:52 PM
Always enjoy this classic. Meet a girl, hit it off, take her out on a few dates (I pay for everything, of course), ask her thoughts on "where this is going"...

"I'm not looking to date anyone right now."

nettimes.us
 
2012-11-27 10:51:34 PM

balisane: And the girls who actually want that sweet, awkward boyfriend? Not hot, so nobody wants them.

Dudes aren't the only people who get friendzoned, alas.


I know right Never Say Never
 
2012-11-27 10:52:56 PM

spaten: Bring it up subtlety, ask her what her fantasies are, watch or read pron together...Make it an intimate thing that doesn't make her jealous. Put the seed in her mind and let her come around.

You can't change the way she thinks, but if you really love her, minimize her insecurities and reassure her that she is the one you will come home to.

If that doesn't work, cut your losses and move on.


I really think that's sound advice in general.

However, anecdotally, as one could imagine with my prior post in this thread, I completely failed and botched stuff like that with the ex.

As it turned out, a self-admitted sex addict ultimately became like the Sahara around me. If that doesn't fark with your head, not much will.
 
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