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(SeattlePI)   Liz and Dick pulls limp ratings   (seattlepi.com) divider line 57
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2569 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 27 Nov 2012 at 1:10 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-11-27 12:51:39 PM
I think Susan Boyle would have been a better pick as Liz.
 
2012-11-27 01:06:49 PM
I watched it last night, and it wasn't *that* bad. I was honestly expecting it to be much worse than it was.
 
2012-11-27 01:07:23 PM
My wife, my sister-in-law and I watched this atrocious POS just to drink and snark.

Parts of it were so bad we couldn't snark. It was snark-proof.

I have a feeling the editor of this "movie" is wondering how a shotgun tastes these days.
 
2012-11-27 01:08:40 PM

vernonFL: I watched it last night, and it wasn't *that* bad. I was honestly expecting it to be much worse than it was.


See, we weren't expecting, like, Ed Wood levels of badness.

This was worse than that. It was a limp, flaccid, boring movie. It didn't even attempt to be good and fail spectacularly. It was like watching the deleted scenes from Mad Men as done by children's theater.
 
2012-11-27 01:14:55 PM
I blame the title. It's a love story, and the title should have reflected that. My proposal: "Liz Loves Dick".
 
2012-11-27 01:15:00 PM
The TV show equivalent of a Rebecca Black song fared badly? NO WAY.
 
2012-11-27 01:15:51 PM
Parts of it were so bad we couldn't snark. It was snark-proof.

That was a bit Seinfeldian.
 
2012-11-27 01:17:10 PM
I tried to watch... It was so bad I turned off my TV.
 
2012-11-27 01:25:44 PM
Let's see. Nobody under 50 knows who Elizabeth Taylor is other than the lady Michael Jackson tried to look like with plastic surgery, and nobody cares about Lindsay Lohen.

So why would you expect the ratings of this to be good?
 
2012-11-27 01:27:15 PM
I would have watched but my kids were watching something else and I just didn't care enough to bother disturbing them.
 
2012-11-27 01:29:03 PM
Didn't help that LL didn't look or sound anything like Liz...
She did ham it up, however. Honey-glazed.
 
2012-11-27 01:30:47 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-11-27 01:32:19 PM
There was a "Steel Magnolias" remake too?

Jesus farking Christ! Don't you people have ANY original ideas?
 
2012-11-27 01:35:12 PM
I approve, as this gets us one step closer to the inevitable Lindsay Lohan DVDA film.
 
2012-11-27 01:45:30 PM

vernonFL: I watched it last night


Why? Why would you do that?
 
2012-11-27 01:49:06 PM

vernonFL: I watched it last night, and it wasn't *that* bad. I was honestly expecting it to be much worse than it was.


To be fair though, you have teh ghey, so these kinds of productions don't bother you as much as they do us straights.
 
2012-11-27 01:49:28 PM
There used to be a website called "Oh The Humanity". It was dedicated to the art of the bad movie... the kind that no on admits they ever watched, but everyone knows about it... the kind where you would turn the channel when it comes on, but the remote is just an inch too far away. Because there is usually something about it that makes you go "this is bad, but not bad".The Beastmaster is a perfect example. Half of SyFy's output is another.

But there are some movies that are just bad. The kind that no matter what kind of stunt casting they do, whatever cheesy story they come up with, the result is pretty much unwatchable. I use Showgirls as my example, usually: naked Elizabeth Berkley, naked Gina Gershon, tits everywhere, and it doesn't help. Every character is an extreme caricature, nobody you sympathize with, nobody you really root for, and a story that disappoints on just about every level.

Liz and Dick may very well replace Showgirls as my example. They didn't even try with this movie. The stuck a mole on Lindsay's cheek and called her Liz. Liz Taylor was famous for having the most beautiful lavender colored eyes. Production couldn't find a pair of contacts? The two characters spend a lot of time sniping at each other about gaining weight, when neither one shows so much as an extra ounce... costume and makeup couldn't have borrowed a fat suit from Martin Lawrence or Eddie Murphy? No attempts at accents, neither one tried to affect the proper mannerisms, the dialogue was terrible, the scenes were all about 30 seconds long, so you had no time to develop a rapport with the characters.

They say Lindsay fought for this role. With that precedent, Peter Dinklage should fight for the lead role in Lifetime movie "Out of Monroe: The Bill Russell Story".

To quote the movie reviewer from the Bloom County Picayune*: "Liz and Dick has brought the word 'bad' to new levels of badness. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad everything. This bad film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene. Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness.
Well, maybe not that bad, but Lord it wasn't good."

*with thanks and apologies to Berke Breathed
 
2012-11-27 01:50:01 PM

Wellon Dowd: [i.imgur.com image 506x800]


Her chest looks like the back of my toilet the morning after I eat Taco Bell.

/Blow out
//gross
 
2012-11-27 01:53:46 PM
patton oswalt called it "sad bad." i think that just about sums it up.
 
2012-11-27 01:58:18 PM

LonMead: the dialogue was terrible, the scenes were all about 30 seconds long, so you had no time to develop a rapport with the characters.


Dick: I'm drunk.!

Liz: I'm fat!

Scene. Cut to Italy, 6 months later.


Dick: I'm drunk!

Liz: I'm fat!


Scene. Toronto, 6 months later

Dick: I'm drunk!

Liz: I'm fat!

Scene. Mexico 3 months later

Dick: I'm drunk!

Liz: I'm fat

Liz and Dick (together) : We're broke?

etc...


/I'm not even joking.
 
2012-11-27 02:05:09 PM
What's really sad is it sounds like enough people will watch it just to see how bad it is, but that would cause decent ratings thus giving her more and more of these types of projects. I hope she's not fooling herself that she's really just this.
www.teereviewer.com
 
2012-11-27 02:06:56 PM
My MIL wanted to watch it, so I had to put up with it until even she realized it was a POS. For the life of me I couldn't see Liz in Lohan. No number of moles could make up for the lack of anything else (resemblance, talent, script, expression, ...)
 
2012-11-27 02:07:29 PM

BlackTuna: Didn't help that LL didn't look or sound anything like Liz...
She did ham it up, however. Honey-glazed.


There were one or two nanoseconds here and there where if I closed my eyes I could buy her Liz. Suffice it to say, her delivery was inconsistent. Sounded phoned in. Not even worthy of a table reading.

The script resembled some kid's high school project. Comically bad, and employed atrociously cliche devices.

AdolfOliverPanties: vernonFL: I watched it last night, and it wasn't *that* bad. I was honestly expecting it to be much worse than it was.

To be fair though, you have teh ghey, so these kinds of productions don't bother you as much as they do us straights.


I find that offensive. But still not as offensive as that pile of dogcrap movie.
 
2012-11-27 02:08:27 PM

Amurica...Fark Ya!: Wellon Dowd: [i.imgur.com image 506x800]

Her chest looks like the back of my toilet the morning after I eat Taco Bell.

/Blow out
//gross


unavailable for comment
blog.tagesanzeiger.ch
 
2012-11-27 02:09:48 PM

LeroyBourne: What's really sad is it sounds like enough people will watch it just to see how bad it is, but that would cause decent ratings thus giving her more and more of these types of projects. I hope she's not fooling herself that she's really just this.
[www.teereviewer.com image 250x250]


Sometimes that works - like Snakes on a Plane. Or given enough time it will be revered as kitsch and become a cult classic like Plan 9 or any number of spoofed movies on MST.

Liz & Dick would have to strive to reach the level of a turd circling the toilet.
 
2012-11-27 02:12:55 PM

vernonFL: LonMead: the dialogue was terrible, the scenes were all about 30 seconds long, so you had no time to develop a rapport with the characters.

Dick: I'm drunk.!

Liz: I'm fat!

Scene. Cut to Italy, 6 months later.


Dick: I'm drunk!

Liz: I'm fat!


Scene. Toronto, 6 months later

Dick: I'm drunk!

Liz: I'm fat!

Scene. Mexico 3 months later

Dick: I'm drunk!

Liz: I'm fat

Liz and Dick (together) : We're broke?

etc...


/I'm not even joking.



Cripes. And the bribery amount offered to endure this was......?
 
2012-11-27 02:19:00 PM

LonMead: To quote the movie reviewer from the Bloom County Picayune*: "Liz and Dick has brought the word 'bad' to new levels of badness. Bad acting. Bad effects. Bad everything. This bad film just oozed rottenness from every bad scene. Simply bad beyond all infinite dimensions of possible badness.
Well, maybe not that bad, but Lord it wasn't good."


To quote one of Roger Ebert's best reviews (of one of Guy Richie's worst films): "Guy Ritchie's "Revolver" is a frothing mad film that thrashes against its very sprocket holes in an attempt to bash its brains out against the projector. It seems designed to punish the audience for buying tickets. ... ... I wanted to signal the projectionist to put a gun to it. ... ... Some of the acting is better than the film deserves. Make that all of the acting. Actually, the film stock itself is better than the film deserves. You know when sometimes a film catches fire inside a projector? If it happened with this one, I suspect the audience might cheer."
 
2012-11-27 02:22:17 PM
It's a Lifetime Movie.
/did Nancy McKeon at least get a walk-on role?
 
2012-11-27 02:25:31 PM
I thought I was watching Liz and Dick, but after an hour, I realized it was Eli and Coughlin.
 
2012-11-27 02:41:10 PM
I watched it, it wasn't that bad.I think the fact that it had Lindsey Lohan in it meant that it was sure to get raked over the coals. It was your typical Lifetime movie. I'd like to see a non whitewashed- for- the- general-public biopic of Liz and Dick,I imagine their lives were a lot more interesting than any made for TV movie.
 
2012-11-27 02:49:28 PM
I turned it on for fifteen minutes, and it was the worst piece of crap I'd ever seen. I almost felt bad for Lindsey because it was so bad.
 
2012-11-27 02:55:00 PM

Already Disturbed: It's a Lifetime Movie.


Well gee, there's your problem right there. It was over before it started.
 
2012-11-27 02:58:12 PM

Wellon Dowd:


That is one of the saddest sideboobs ever.

/Mournful.
 
2012-11-27 03:12:44 PM

LonMead: the scenes were all about 30 seconds long


And even so, about half of them had Lohan accidentally looking at the camera or the director.
 
2012-11-27 03:13:26 PM

LonMead:
... Peter Dinklage should fight for the lead role in Lifetime movie "Out of Monroe: The Bill Russell Story".
...


If they made that, starring Dinklage, I would watch it. Difference here is he can act, LiHo is a cesspit of as-yet-unnamed STDs and sociopathic behaviour. She even looks verminous. I'd give it 18 months before she's starring in the remake, named Lez & Dick do Denver.
 
2012-11-27 03:24:19 PM

someonelse: And even so, about half of them had Lohan accidentally looking at the camera or the director.


Seriously? Ouch,
 
2012-11-27 03:26:00 PM
I'm guessing when it comes to portraying hugely famous people in the future there's going to be a scale on which it's used to measure the actor's success.

On one end you have Cate Blanchett as Katherine Hepburn. On the other end you have this.
 
2012-11-27 03:28:41 PM
you know, they should have cast Nathan Fillion as Liz and Christian Bale as Dick...

then it should have taken place in another universe where.....etc etc


Lohan blew Sheen for tax money...that's all i need to know...
 
2012-11-27 03:30:19 PM

Haliburton Cummings: Lohan blew Sheen for tax money...that's all i need to know...


Is this run of the mill internet defamation or was this an actual thing?
 
2012-11-27 03:37:10 PM
The problem is this movie came out at the same time as Lincoln. If they'd have rescheduled it a few weeks later, they wouldn't have the competition and would clean up on ticket sales.
 
2012-11-27 03:44:36 PM

nytmare: The problem is this movie came out at the same time as Lincoln. If they'd have rescheduled it a few weeks later, they wouldn't have the competition and would clean up on ticket sales.


I went to see Liz & Dick at the theater, but they refused to sell me a ticket. I left when they threatened to call the cops.
 
2012-11-27 04:00:09 PM

KatjaMouse: Haliburton Cummings: Lohan blew Sheen for tax money...that's all i need to know...

Is this run of the mill internet defamation or was this an actual thing?


Yeah, this seems like it would make a great water cooler story--details?
 
2012-11-27 04:13:18 PM

Hey, Lohan...

i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-11-27 04:14:44 PM
Didn't it air against Boardwalk Empire, The Walking Dead, The Good Wife, and Dexter? Who is left to watch any TV?
 
2012-11-27 04:19:41 PM

born_yesterday: KatjaMouse: Haliburton Cummings: Lohan blew Sheen for tax money...that's all i need to know...

Is this run of the mill internet defamation or was this an actual thing?

Yeah, this seems like it would make a great water cooler story--details?


Well, Charlie did give her $100k to pay off her taxes, and he's well known for his selfless philanthropy.
 
2012-11-27 04:21:15 PM
While their relationship was on again, off again, I imagine it had its ups and downs.
 
2012-11-27 04:31:24 PM

nytmare: The problem is this movie came out at the same time as Lincoln. If they'd have rescheduled it a few weeks later, they wouldn't have the competition and would clean up on ticket sales.


If you paid your cable bill you had access to Liz & Dick. Spielberg had nothing to do with their lack luster performance.
 
2012-11-27 04:33:03 PM

AdolfOliverPanties: vernonFL: I watched it last night, and it wasn't *that* bad. I was honestly expecting it to be much worse than it was.

To be fair though, you have teh ghey, so these kinds of productions don't bother you as much as they do us straights.


I clicked "Funny", because this made me laugh, but it's not all true. I'm a gay man. I'd rather watch one of the Nolan Batman films for the umpteenth time, or pay to see Skyfall again. I have no interest in this dreck.
 
2012-11-27 04:40:35 PM

nytmare: The problem is this movie came out at the same time as Lincoln. If they'd have rescheduled it a few weeks later, they wouldn't have the competition and would clean up on ticket sales.


I laughed again.
 
2012-11-27 04:45:42 PM

KatjaMouse: nytmare: The problem is this movie came out at the same time as Lincoln. If they'd have rescheduled it a few weeks later, they wouldn't have the competition and would clean up on ticket sales.

If you paid your cable bill you had access to Liz & Dick. Spielberg had nothing to do with their lack luster performance.


My point was how Liz and Dick's highest aspiration was nothing more than to play straight to a third tier cable channel.
 
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