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(TC Palm)   Protip of the day: If you are going to threaten someone with a chainsaw, make sure you can start it. With mugshot goodness   (tcpalm.com) divider line 40
    More: Florida, A Stuart, aggravated assault, deadly weapon, Martin County, Kentucky, knife  
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9591 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Nov 2012 at 11:37 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



40 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-11-27 11:30:18 AM  
"Leatherface never had this problem."
 
2012-11-27 11:39:46 AM  
Or you are behind a door without holes in it.
 
2012-11-27 11:40:42 AM  
www.productwiki.com

Just get yourself one 'o these.
 
2012-11-27 11:41:12 AM  
www.geekscape.net

Groovy!
 
2012-11-27 11:41:23 AM  
Damn, that's a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum face if I ever saw one.
 
2012-11-27 11:41:43 AM  
If only he were skilled in starting chainsaws, if only he had practiced more, if only he had trained enough to be a chainsaw master, then he would be master bates.
 
2012-11-27 11:42:01 AM  
Must be tough to argue crime of passion if you have to prime your weapon 15 times and drop-start it 4 or 5. "I swear it just went off!"
 
2012-11-27 11:44:37 AM  
A chainsaw is no match for a thrown balled up bed sheet.
 
2012-11-27 11:46:42 AM  

Headso: A chainsaw is no match for a thrown balled up bed sheet.


I sorta need to hear the story behind that.
 
2012-11-27 11:48:19 AM  

Zarquon's Flat Tire: Must be tough to argue crime of passion if you have to prime your weapon 15 times and drop-start it 4 or 5. "I swear it just went off!"


"I say, would you mind holding still for a minute whilst I'll try and start this damn thing up? There's a good chap, thanks awfully!"
 
2012-11-27 11:49:21 AM  
Does it count?.

fullmoonhorror.com

/American Psycho twice in a day? Wow
 
2012-11-27 11:53:33 AM  
You know, I never knew it was even possible to start a chain saw with mugshot goodness. 

/the more you know
 
2012-11-27 11:53:58 AM  

Headso: A chainsaw is no match for a thrown balled up bed sheet.


Heh...this is the first thing i though of
 
2012-11-27 11:54:41 AM  
I have never been able to start a chainsaw with mughshot goodness. I always have to pull the chord.
 
2012-11-27 11:55:18 AM  
FFS

too slow
 
2012-11-27 11:57:06 AM  
And I bet he just laughed at that commercial about that guy who put up with a lot, but one thing he wouldn't put up with was his chainsaw not starting.

Well who is laughing now.
 
2012-11-27 11:58:59 AM  
IDK, I think it makes more sense to threaten first.
that way you don't have to yell over the noise of the saw.
even then, you would probably have to turn it off for them to know what you are saying.
 
2012-11-27 11:59:46 AM  
STUART - A Stuart man is facing criminal charges after threatening his neighbor with a knife and a chain saw, according to a Martin County Sheriff's Office arrest report.


You know that Johnny Werzner kid - the kid who delivers papers in the neighborhood? He's a fine kid. Some of the neighbors say he smokes crack, but I don't believe it. Anyway, for his 10th birthday, all he wanted was a burrow owl, just like his old man. "Dad, get me a burrow owl. I'll never ask for anything else as long as I live". So the guy breaks down and buys him a burrow owl. Anyway at 10:30 the other night I go out into my yard and there's the Werzner kid looking up in the tree. I said, "What are you looking for?" He said, "I'm looking for my burrow owl." I say, "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Everybody knows that a burrow owl lives in a hole in the ground! Why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl, anyway?!" Now Stuart, do you think a kid like that is gonna know what the queers are doing to the soil?
 
2012-11-27 12:00:05 PM  

make sure you can start it


If you can't start it, use a whistle to make a lot of high-pitched noise. Your attacker will drop his weapon and clutch his ears.
 
2012-11-27 12:02:54 PM  
Pro Tip: If used infrequently, run it out of gas after each use. This keeps the carb from gunking up, especially over winter.
 
2012-11-27 12:07:08 PM  
what does it mean to *expletive* kill someone?
and how is that different from wanting to kill them
 
2012-11-27 12:11:31 PM  
mikedoe.net

Whoa there Annie Oakley
 
2012-11-27 12:13:25 PM  
No Thunderdome references?
 
2012-11-27 12:13:40 PM  

busy chillin': I have never been able to start a chainsaw with mughshot goodness. I always have to pull the chord.



Your chainsaw starts via music? That's an unusual feature.
 
2012-11-27 12:19:47 PM  
I swear, 75% of criminals in the south have the same facial hair as that dude.
 
2012-11-27 12:20:10 PM  

Sybarite: busy chillin': I have never been able to start a chainsaw with mughshot goodness. I always have to pull the chord.


Your chainsaw starts via music? That's an unusual feature.


You're pretty sharp. Spelling words correctly is key.
 
2012-11-27 12:22:45 PM  
FTFA:" after threatening the man for buying his brother's truck,the report states"

What the fark prompted the use of sharp things being suck in the guy?

/then again, it IS from Florida
//what's in the water there?
///and don't say gators, I know that already
 
2012-11-27 12:27:06 PM  
The guy should have given up when he couldn't figure out how how to start the fork.
 
2012-11-27 12:28:52 PM  
We should put in place laws to regulate chainsaw ownership and make all possible owners submit to back ground checks. If chainsaw owners want to take the chainsaw off of their property we should have them take a costly course and buy a permit that is costly and must be renewed each year.
 
2012-11-27 12:29:06 PM  

fireclown: [www.productwiki.com image 800x419]

Just get yourself one 'o these.


images2.wikia.nocookie.net

One of these would suit me just fine, thank you.
 
2012-11-27 12:56:19 PM  

Bermuda59: No Thunderdome references?


What happened to Buzzsaw?.....he had to split.
 
2012-11-27 01:01:19 PM  

Bermuda59


No Thunderdome references?


Try looking at the thread. The words, too, not just the pictures.
 
2012-11-27 01:34:24 PM  
images1.wikia.nocookie.neti.computer-bild.de
 
2012-11-27 02:32:06 PM  
"What makes you think I won't cut you"
*pulls cord on chainsaw* ....(nothing)
"I said ... What makes you think I won't cut YOU !"
*pulls cord again* ... (nothing)
"Damn !!! "
 
2012-11-27 04:01:45 PM  
Could have probably got away with an electric one and an extension cord, unless of course the person won't stand still.

www.stalhameng.co.uk
 
2012-11-27 06:17:22 PM  
I had a customer threaten me and my crew with a chainsaw once.

We're putting up tile in the shower, and he comes in sloshed on Icehouse, carrying a chainsaw.

He says, "Did you see Scarface? You know the part where he cuts up his friend? Haha, that was great."

/We left immediately
//it wasn't running
///if he tried to start it...
 
2012-11-27 08:43:50 PM  

jfivealive: If only he were skilled in starting chainsaws, if only he had practiced more, if only he had trained enough to be a chainsaw master, then he would be master bates.


This made me laugh!
 
2012-11-27 10:29:00 PM  

Sticky Hands: IDK, I think it makes more sense to threaten first.
that way you don't have to yell over the noise of the saw.
even then, you would probably have to turn it off for them to know what you are saying.


Not really, because you'll end up like this guy. "Here dude, stand still while I rip this cord a few times and try to get this baby to start." By that time, any worthwhile human is going to have already charged up by the third rip, beating the snot out of you with anything else handy.

No, you fire up the chainsaw first then start after your prey. If you're lucky, they'll think nothing of it until you're right on top of them. When it comes to speeches, really, what more do you need to say that can't be vividly displayed by you standing there with a running chainsaw and murder in your eyes? A primal scream before you charge is also acceptable if true assclownery was afoot, premeditating the whole chasing-person-with-chainsaw thing, but this just isn't the time to talk about your father, or everything you've ever wanted to scream at your ex, or whatever your rage-fueling flavor.

I'm not going to listen to the speech anyway. Run away!

/Then find you later with something a little stealthier
 
2012-11-27 11:40:06 PM  
my wife and I worked in a haunted attraction many years ago. I was a ghoul, she was a guide, leading them thru the many rooms to the final room where there was a clearly marked exit. She stopped them telling them that before they could leave they would have to. FACE. THE. WRATH. OF. LEATHERFACE!

and at this point leatherface would start his chainsaw, emerge from behind a hidden area, and chase the guests out the exit.

only one time he couldnt get it started.

BBBRRRUMMPF!

BBBRRRUMMPF!

//puzzled looks all around

BBBRRRUMMPF!

BBBRRRUMMPF!

wife: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOU FOOLS! RUN BEFORE HE GETS IT STARTED!

scared guests: AHHHHH! //ran thru the exit screaming to get away from a non-starting chainsaw.

it was awesome. oh we gave leatherface shiat for that the rest of the halloween season of course. but it was awesome nonetheless.
 
2012-11-27 11:51:17 PM  
How long was the bar?
This is important.
 
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